12 a.m.
• After working 9:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. behind a computer, there’s nothing I like better than coming home to … type behind a computer. Goddamnit.
Atlanta @ Jacksonville (10.5)
Man, I knew I’d be hating these spreads when I first posted them. Sure the Jags will win by double digits.
Buffalo @ Pittsburgh (9.5)
OK, Buffalo has a bunch of injuries, and Pittsburgh won big last week. But they played Cleveland. What do I do? Do I jump on the bandwagon now and have them not cover, or do I stay with the other team and watch the Steelers win big again. Oh, I’ll be a homer this week, although the black and gold don’t always impress at home. 20 points.
(7.5) Cincinnati @ Cleveland
LOL – the Browns traded away their starting quarterback from last week already. I’ll take the Bengals offense to score bunches, even though this is the BATTLE FOR OHIO~!
Green Bay @ N.Y. Giants (1.5)
Hmm, I’m not sure how long Emily will be out, if at all. I’ll go with the NFL’s IRON MAN.
Houston @ Carolina (6.5)
Interesting. The Texans surprised me by winning last week. I think Carolina will win the game, but I’m hoping it’ll be close.
(7.5) Indianapolis @ Tennessee
Here’s hoping Indy stays on that roll from last year’s Wild Card.
(3.5) New Orleans @ Tampa Bay
The Saints didn’t play all that well in Week 1, but here’s hoping they rebound against a divisional foe.
San Francisco @ St. Louis (3.5)
I thought Arizona would win last week due to the air attack. Here’s hoping the 49ers can keep it close.
(3.5) Dallas @ Miami
Uh, yay Cowboys?
Minnesota @ Detroit (2.5)
Sure Detroit scored bunches of points – it was against Oakland. Yeah, the Raiders had a "good" defense last year, from what some people on TV said, but was it one of those defenses where the other team just scored a bunch early and let the offense play catch up all game? You know, much like a crappy team can have a “good” pass defense because after a team builds a 30-0 lead all they do is run the ball against the pass defense in the second half. Let's see, how many points they the Raiders give up last year?
27, 28, 24, 34, 13, 9, 13, 16, 17, 17, 21, 23, 27, 20, 20, 23
Is that good? I dunno. All I know is that the Raiders offense didn't score more in most of those games enough times to warrant the top pick in the most recent draft.
(3.5) Seattle @ Arizona
They’re still the divisional champs. Respect due.
Kansas City @ Chicago (12.5)
All the Bears have to do is kick four, err, five field goals. I’m confident.
N.Y. Jets @ Baltimore (10.5)
Hmm, the offense sucked dong last week. I’ll say the Ravens get the home vibe going and win.
Oakland @ Denver (10.5)
I’ll say the Broncos because even if they get up on their rival they’ll want to score more points.
San Diego @ New England (3.5)
Shit. Does spy-gate rally the Pats or distract them? I’ll go with the latter.
Washington @ Philadelphia (6.5)
I think Philly will win, but I’m hoping not by much.
8:30 p.m.
• Well everything came and went without much of a hitch. Although it was funny to point out to the better half that, when she let the nieces and nephew play with my exercise equipment, that I got the third degree when I babysat them a while back and let them goof around with that stuff.
11:45 a.m.
• So the last few days have been hella crazy. In a few hours we will be hosing a cookout for a few people, and on Friday the better half and I went to get some stuff. Did we go to the grocery store for meat? Nope. We had to go to the local butcher guy who lives in the backwoods. Next it was onto Sam’s for some cock breast chicken. I think we got some other stuff, but I can’t remember. We also went to a few other places that I can’t remember, which scares me a bit. Anyway, we did all this shit right after getting home from work, which has been hectic for me this past week. We left for work at 6 a.m., then left for shopping at 4 p.m. It was now past 8 p.m., and I was starting to crash. What made me grumpier was knowing that I was going to have to go into work Saturday morning, and goddamn am I a spoiled brat, considering I used to pull 16-hour shifts with regularity back in the day. But I digress. It was 8 p.m., and Mrs. kkk asked if we should just get alcohol now instead of waiting for Saturday. I’m a person that likes to get things over with, so I agreed. Now did we go down the main road of our area to a place that sells beer? No. We took these backroads that added 10-15 minutes onto what is normally a 5-minute commute. Why do people do this shit? Well, I was already grumbling a bit when we pulled into the Pizza Hut. Yes, Pizza Hut. Pennsylvania has this ass-backwards law that makes it next-to-impossible for places to sell booze, but for some reason this PIZZA HUT has a little cooler to sell beer. I don’t know. I’m not going to try and figure it out.
When we pulled in, Mrs. kkk said “when you go in there get Busch beer.” Wait, why do I have to go in? “Because the man gets the beer.” WTF? When was this a rule? And I’m not a “real” man. When I bother to drink, I drink wine coolers and Kahluas. I don’t hunt or fish. I know dick about automobiles. And you know what? I’m proud to admit this shit, which probably makes me more of a man than you. But now I’m getting off track. I go into the Hut and look in the cooler. I have no idea what these brands are they are selling, and they were all in at least a 12-pack. There’s no way I’m buying these tax-saturated products for one-two people max. Fuck that. I went to the “real” meat shop for this event. I get back in the car and tell the better half that they don’t have Busch. “Well can’t you get something else?” Why then did you tell me to get a specific brand? Look, I may not be a man’s man, but I’ve been around enough to know that some males are just as picky with their choice of adult beverages than women are with fashion design labels. She then tells me to just get whatever, because now fatigue is starting to hit her. I go back in and get two big cans of Coors. Hey, this is our house and it’s not often that we bring booze into it. Anyway, now I get to the point of this story.
I put these two big cans on the register, and the cashier has no idea how to ring them up. She makes some comment that must have been bad, because she got real apologetic with me. Too bad I was zoning out and wasn’t paying attention. The manager comes over and both are trying to figure out how to ring up this transaction. Then the manager says something that snapped me back to reality real quick.
“These two cans are $2.25 each and their ringing up as $4.50 total. That’s not right.”
R’oh?
And no, she wasn’t talking about taxes. And no, there wasn't a line or any reason for them to get frazzled.
Yes, this whole saga was leading up to a customer service story. Feel shortchanged? Too bad. I had to live it. Now if you will excuse me, I have to vacuum and put in another load of laundry before the guests arrive. No, I’m not making this up. And I’m going to be bbq’ing shit this afternoon. At least it’s with my two charcoal grills. Propane is for communists.
• This ain't going to be pretty.
Arizona at Green Bay (3.5). Correct.
This was a gimmie game. However, with my record so far this season I will take all the easy ones I can get.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (4.5). Incorrect.
Ah, shit. Here’s what I said when predicting this game:
But the Bengals are in boldface. Whatever should I do? Well, I go with the bolded team. Goddamnit. The funny thing is I don’t even remember making this week’s picks. I’m almost afraid to look at the rest of these selections.
Baltimore at New Orleans (2.5). Incorrect
I was right. Kinda.
Houston at Tennessee (3.5). Incorrect
Well, I was right when I said while predicting this game that “I have no clue.”
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (6.5). Incorrect.
This ain’t good.
Seattle at Kansas City (6.5). Correct.
Christ, and the Chiefs only covered by half-a-point.
San Francisco at Chicago (16.5). Correct.
Hooray for Chicago. When they play crappy teams they can sure beat the hell out of them.
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (9.5). Incorrect.
What a great time for the Bucs to let a team walk all over them. Faggots.
St. Louis at San Diego (9.5). Correct
The hell? Here’s what I said when predicting this matchup.
Yet I had the Bolts in boldface.
Indianapolis at Denver (2.5). Incorrect.
Depending on how the Colts play against the Patriots, I think this just might be their year.
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (1.5). Incorrect.
What the hell? Here was my prediction line regarding this game:
Well, at least I was right in my statement.
(9.5) Pittsburgh at Oakland. Correct.
I feel bad for Ben Roethlisberger because I felt he should have never been out on the field this week. The Steelers defense gave up only six points and Ben threw two touchdown passes for the other team. I hope he can rebound from this shitty year, not to mention that off-season from hell. I always liked Ben because he was one of those quarterbacks that just had “it.” Now you need to add a “sh” to the start of that word. Hopefully it’s only for this season.
Dallas at Carolina (5.5). Incorrect.
And the Panthers will have two weeks to stew about this stinker.
(2.5) New England at Minnesota. Correct.
I watched the first part of this game and when Johnson threw that interception near the end zone, I knew the Vikings were doomed.
This week’s record: 6-8. Cumulative record: 53-61
I was only two games under .500 this week? Hell, I’ll take it.
• In other sports news. The Pirates, much to the surprise of the baseball world, passed on picking up the $6 million option on outfielder Jeremy Burnitz. Oh, and the Penguins are 7-3 with Evgeni Malkin scoring seven goals in his first six games. I’m hoping the Pens have a good season so that way all the city so-called leaders can look like even bigger schmucks than they do already when this young team heads off to a city that actually has a decent arena for them to play in. For those that don’t know, Malkin was the Pens’ top draft pick in 2004, but thanks in part to the recent NHL lockout he signed with some Russian team. During the off-season, Malkin defected and there is a brouhaha going on between the Russian team and the NHL. I doubt he’ll be able to keep up this torrid goal-scoring pace through a grueling 80+ game season, but if Malkin can stick it to city officials who don’t give a shit about their NHL franchise and also give the bird to his old Russian team, then I might just have to go get his jersey or something. Actually, I think I’ll wait until the Pens end up in Kansas City, Portland or Seattle before buying ol’ “71.” Oh who am I kidding? I’ve only purchased one jersey in my life and that was more than 10 years ago.
• If you have read KK’s Korner for any period of time, chances are you’ve learned of my fondness for my current batch of fellow co-workers, or lack thereof. After hearing my constant griping regarding many of these zany characters I deal with in the workplace, you may be surprised to learn that I actually prefer having a cohesive work environment. Seriously, who doesn’t want to enjoy the time where they spend one-third of their workweek? The problem with an office environment is that many times you have no say in who your co-workers are: if you get along with them, that’s great; if you don’t, well, too bad. I thank my lucky stars my office is two floors away from ninety-nine percent of my peers and that my job doesn’t interfere with what they do so my interaction with them is limited. Why do I say all this? Well, just yesterday I learned what one of my co-workers did at last years’ Christmas “grab bag” event.
For those that don’t know a grab bag’s purpose, it is for people who want to be involved with some faux form of workplace unity. If someone wants to be involved in a grab bag extravaganza, all they do is put their name in a hat and someone who organizes the activity selects which co-worker will buy $20 worth of gifts for another co-worker. For everyone participating, they have to write their name on a piece a paper and include a list of three to four items that they would like. (I must mention here that ever since I began working at this place I have never taken part in one of these grab bags. This is because I think the whole idea is stupid and also because there’s no way in hell I’m spending money on someone I loathe, and there are quite a few people at my job that fill this bill.) Well anyway, I found out that one of my co-workers, I’ll call her Sue, was supposed to get something for … let’s call this other person Beth. Now keep in mind Sue is a compulsive gambler, or so I’ve been told, and she ended up buying $20 worth of scratch-and-win instant lottery tickets. I’m assuming Beth wanted lottery tickets for this grab bag thing, but I digress. If Beth did indeed want lottery tickets, then I guess $20 in instant win games seems like a good gift, right? Well, in happy world it would be, but this is kkk’s world. In kkk’s world, Sue scratched off all the tickets before giving them to Beth. The reason? Sue wanted to make sure she gave at least one winning ticket to Beth. Uh-huh. Right. So in effect, Sue’s gift to Beth was 17 or 18 scratch-off tickets that were already played and had no value and two or three tickets that had a $1 or $2 payout. And people say I’m a Jew bastard. I’m surprised Sue didn’t throw in a few losing Powerball tickets from the previous week’s drawing.
I do find it odd that Sue is a person who, when we have an office pool for a $100+ million Powerball drawing, she never joins the rest of us sheep and instead plays on her own. I would assume if she was a degenerative gambler that she would want to be in an office pool where the odds of winning a jackpot would be only one-in-two-hundred-million, rather than playing the lottery by herself where the odds increase to one-in-infinity-plus-one. Then again, what the hell do I know? The only reason I participate in an office lottery pool is that I know if I don’t then my co-workers would win the mega-ultra jackpot, and there’s no way in hell I’m about to let that happen. Not on my watch.
Now global warming is responsible for sagging coat sales? Is there nothing global warming can’t influence? From the Slimes of New York:
I would think that the lefties would embrace this aspect of our planet setting itself on high because less fur coats = less animals at fur farms. And regarding Paragraph 7:
Who in the hell buys a new coat every year? I’ve had the same non-hide jacket (with the attachable liner) for 10 years now, and it’s still in great shape, except for one “loop thing” on my left sleeve that got partially torn and had to be sewn up. My favorite part of the article was this paragraph in third paragraph:
And then about a dozen paragraphs down, we get this:
It's a shame global cooling didn't actually take place as was predicted by environmental "experts" a generation ago -- these coat stores would be making mad cash hand over fist. I bet Al Gore flying all around the world talking about his hippie global warming movie jacked this year's holiday temperatures up at least one-fourth of one-half of one-third of one-sixteenth of a percent. Damn you for ruining Christmas. Damn you all.
9:30 p.m.
• For those that don’t know who Myron Cope is, he was a longtime broadcaster for the Steelers until he retired a year or so ago. If you ever heard this annoying, grating voice on Steelers highlights from some “local voices” segment on ESPN or some other national sports media, chances are that was Myron. He was one of those guys you either adored or hated. I, of course, was indifferent. That was until he got into Mario Lemieux’s business by writing an editorial a few days ago telling him to keep the Penguins in Shittsburgh because it is the “right thing to do.” Here's what he wrote.
Hey Myron. Fuck you.
Put up millions of dollars to keep a team you played with for so many years, then you can tell Mario what “the right thing” is to do. And by the way, the Rooney family did threaten to move the Steelers back in the 1990s if their new stadium demands weren’t met. I’m not hating on the Rooneys, and they are good owners. However, don’t you even try to pull that pseudo-sentimental shit with me. When the Pirates and Steelers were in danger of leaving the area, the local media went apeshit with threats of doom and gloom if the Pirates relocated to Raleigh. City leaders didn’t give a damn about the Penguins until other areas began to court them. It’s called the free market. Deal with it, bitches.
6 p.m.
• Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Don’t know why I care, but it’s being broadcast everywhere. I never liked her. If that old guy didn’t put her in his will before nodding off, then she shouldn’t have gotten a dime.
• So North Carolina beat Duke last night. Yay. Duke is one of those teams you either love or hate, and I am the latter. I don’t even care much for UNC, but if I have to choose between the two, I’m the Tarheels through and through. Why am I talking about this? To segway to a Duke alumn currently in the NBA.
• Gee, what a surprise. Today’s Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption panelists expressed SHOCK and OUTRAGE over the comments of Philadelphia 76ers forward Shavlik Randolph, who said about John Amaechi.
Awesome. Simply awesome. Here’s what the rest of his quote said:
I always wondered how a gay guy could get away with staying in the closet when in the shower room after practice – wouldn’t there be certain … things … at attention? Not that I’d look. As long as someone doesn’t bring his gayness on me, I’m fine, too. Although I have to wonder how you can bring gayness on somebody. I guess you’ll know when it happens.
• Normally I’d be against such stupid regulation, but you know what: go ahead and ban iPods or whatever it is you fascists want to do. You latte-sippin’, hybrid-drivin’, soy-lovin’ New Yorkers are all about limiting the pleasure and enjoyment of other people (smokers, trans-fat eaters), it’s about time you got a taste of your own medicine.
Think about it. You have little Bobby crossing the street with his headphones blasting and can’t hear the horn of an approaching motorist. Suddenly, BLAM! Won’t you think of the children instead of your own greedy listening pleasure?
4 p.m.
• One of the bigger surprises this NFL off-season, according to the “experts” at ESPN is the Steelers cutting linebacker Joey Porter.
I was a bit taken back by this, too, although for a different reason. I knew Porter wasn’t going to be a Steeler for long, but I thought he’d finish the final year of his contract with the Steelers not resigning him for the 2008-09 season. Oh well, a new coach arrived so that means clean house, which isn’t a bad idea. Take it from me. Anytime you get into a position of authority, the first thing you should do, if you have the chance, if fire your predecessor’s secretary/assistant/etc. The reason for this is that no matter what you try to do to change your job/department in order to make it more efficient or perform better, you will be fought tooth and nail because “that’s not the way *insert predecessor’s name* did it,” and if you have nutless upper management, you are going to be in a world of hurt. Porter was an emotional guy and I’m sure the potential for trouble was a thought for the new Steeler coach Mike Tomlin, so I don’t blame him for wanting the cleanest slate possible when taking over a team that has had two head coaches since the late 1960s.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 38: Stephen Joseph
I think he's known at the bottom part of the board for that cyber-wrestling stuff that scares me away. He's also known for SAVING THE BOARD at one time or another. He's also known for swing dancing and for his hatred of excess government spending. And he's also known for not liking Mikey Moore, but for liking television anchor babes for their looks and not for their ability to read from a teleprompter. I just wish I knew what he did for a living.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
From SFAJack:
11:45 p.m.
• How in the hell does Long John Silvers stay in business? I guess Lent season is their "Black Friday."
• On the way home from the wedding tonight, the better half got to listen to Rush's "2112" for the first time. After 15 minutes, the following words were exchanged:
Her: "Is this still the same song?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "How long is this thing?"
Me: "20 minutes."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Because they do things like this."
Her: "That's insane."
Me: "Think of it as four five-minute songs."
Her: "But it's still on track 1."
Me: "Go back to sleep."
• I hate this "spring forward" shit. I don't mind falling back an extra hour in the fall, but I think if we're going to move our clocks ahead one hour, it should take place at 2 p.m. on a Monday. Yeah.
10 p.m.
• Guess Larry the Cable Guy's "fake money/fake titties" idea isn't so good after all.
• Remember that post yesterday about the South having the most fatties?
7 p.m.
• Looks like JJ might have a case of feline acne. We’ll find out Saturday when we take him to the vet. Oh he’s going to love that. Of course having said that the crap near his chin is probably some advanced form of cancer.
• So Mrs. kkk is pissed because the grocery store pulled a fast one on her. She thought she was getting a deal with these hippie melons at 99 cents a pound when they normally retail for $4.99. However, I questioned if this fruit was on sale because the weekly circular advertising this sale said the “golden” melons were on sale, and she was scanning “regular” melons. Turns out I was right. In fact, these magic melons were nowhere to be found; even the “weekly special” special tags weren’t on display. Conspiracy. That’s OK, because I had the audacity to talk to a woman later on in the shopping trip that was easy on the eyes, which of course means I was trying to bang her. It wasn’t that I was asking if she had seen this particular item that the better half had been spending THREE WEEKS trying to find and this person had several boxes of this item (in a different flavor) in her cart and was looking for more. No, that couldn’t have been it. I was trying to get those digits. After all, with me in my five-year old Wal-Mart t-shirt and black shorts I’m sure I looked like a real catch. Then again, I’d rather hear her bitch about this than that goddamn tv dinner with the egg roll.
3 p.m.
• So I was just at this meeting and my idiot boss was talking about preparations for an upcoming seminar. The question was when should it be held – in the fall or next spring. Now I’ve said before in this blog that this moron lives the mantra, “That’s what the last minute is for,” so he was telling those in the room that if a seminar was to be conducted in the fall that there wouldn’t be much time to prepare. So when it was decided that the seminar would take place in April, he said, “Good, now we can push this off to the side,” adding that this gives him more time to prepare. Yeah, and seven/eight months from now you’ll be frantic about how this project snuck up on you. I got to get the hell out of this place.
• Idaho? You da ho. I've been waiting all day to say that.
Actually, this brings back the memory of an ebonics joke about why there can never be a Miss Ebonic pagent. Nobody wanted to be a certain state known for it's potatoes and crappy movies.
6 p.m.
• So I started out by waking up at 2:45 a.m. to get ready for a 4 a.m. opening at Kohl’s. The store is only 15 minutes away, but I knew I wasn’t getting my ass up the first time my alarm clock went off. Especially since I ate a bunch of turkey the night before and watched the night game with the Colts at Atlanta. After hitting the snooze alarm a half-dozen or so times, I took my shower. Even the cats were surprised at how early I was getting up. We I get up for work at 5:15 a.m., that usually causes them to mill about until they get fed breakfast. This time they just laid in place until I got out of the shower and put their food in their dishes.
I knew waking up the better half was going to be a challenge, and I was right. She’s not exactly what you call a “morning person.” Now I’m not really an early bird riser myself, but when you get up 5-6 times a week at 5 a.m. in order to pay your mortgage and put food on the table you adjust. Well, Mrs. kkk doesn’t. When I turned on my nightstand lamp to put in my contacts, I woke her up. Now I have no idea what she was trying to say because she was mostly whining in foreign tongues. However, she did get up, get dressed and was in the car when I left for Kohl’s at 3:40 a.m.
I was curious to see how many people would wake up even earlier from the last time I took part in Black Friday. In 2005 Kohl’s was open at 5 a.m. (one hour earlier than most, if not all, the other local stores in my area) – now they were opening at 4 a.m. This should be an interesting social experiment. Well, the parking lot was near-full when we pulled in at 6 a.m. OK, so it’s going to be busy, but not “Best Buy” busy. I told the better half to get her target gift basket and I was going to go after my shoes that I had lined up. When we both got what we wanted, we’d look around before checking out. Well, I got to the shoe section, and I found the shoes I was looking for. However, my worst fears came to fruition. These shoes weren’t comfortable. I knew there was a catch. No problem, there was another brand that caught my eye, and although they were a bit more expensive, the quality was more than worth the extra few dollars. Besides, I was still saving $28 per pair (I bought two pair – one brown, one black). I met Mrs. kkk and we proceeded to get in line – a line that was halfway around the store. I knew this would happen, but because of my extra dilly-dallying we would have to wait in line a bit more than I had expected. It was then I discovered a terrible oversight.
I forgot my wallet.
Oh you got to be shitting me. Here's what happened. On Turkey Day I was over the in-laws’ house. My crack-whore niece-in-law was at this event. My crack-whore niece-in-law is a thief (she got busted while a teen at Wal-Mart). I kept my wallet at home. I forgot to put my wallet back in my coat pocket. Shit. Well, I told Mrs. kkk that I was going to zip home and get the wallet while she stayed in line. She asked if there would be enough time. I assured her there would be. I was right.
When I got back, the better half was “happily” waiting in line. I took this time to explore a few departments and found a nice deal on this press-iron-thingy that could be of great use. After the better half took a few DVDs off the impulse rack for her one non-crack-whore niece, our total bill was $165 with $205 in savings. We arrived at 4 a.m. and left the store together at 5:30 a.m. Good score. We got several things that were high on our priority list (shoes, gift basket), were able to get something that was likely to be off the shelves right away (gift basket for a better half’s co-worker – Mrs. kkk noted that there were only two left on the shelves at just past 5 a.m.), found a great deal on something that I didn’t see until we actually got in the store (press iron thingy) and managed to get one item crossed off on one niece-in-law’s list (DVD). The first store is, in my opinion, is always the most important. Here’s what I look for when picking a “first store.” My answers to each question are in italics.
1) If you were to visit later in the day, will the items you covet the most at this place be sold out? As I said above, I new the gift baskets would be gone, and I wasn’t sure about the shoes.
2) Is this first store near other stores that you can immediately plunder visit? There’s a Target in the same shopping center complex as Kohl’s, and this store wasn’t opening until 5 a.m. Perfect timing, especially since there are several items at Target that are high on my list of things-to-get.
3) Will the wait in line, which will be long, be worth what you get? I saved $205 while spending $165. Works for me.
4) Who are the customers surrounding you? There’s a reason I don’t go to Wal-Mart for my first store on Black Friday.
As we got into the car and headed over to Target, I thought it was odd that the store’s parking lot wasn’t at all full. That’s weird, the store is closed. The flyer said doors will open at 5 a.m. and it’s now 5:30 a.m. Hey, now I see people waiting outside. What the hell? Wait a second, I’m looking at Target’s Black Friday circular. Shit, I misread the “doors opening” line. It’s 6 a.m., not 5 a.m. Actually, this just might play into our favor. With the time being 5:30, this will give us time to visit the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts, get a flavored coffee and bagel and awaken our senses to what is probably going to be one of the more challenging excursions of the day. And once, again, I was right.
The good news is that with this Target opening up, it probably sucked away some customers from the Target about 10-15 minutes farther on down the road in nearby Greensburg. Less customers, more available products. Good. I remember the last few times I went to Greensburg Target on Black Friday the lines were insane. Well, this year’s experience is a perfect reason why I try not to use a cart. Unless a product is so f’n heavy that you can’t pick it up and carry it, steer free of carts. That mobility is crucial when zipping in and out of aisles. This year was no exception. One of the big items available were these video game chairs, and some soccer moms had 2-3 in their carts. With so many people using carts, there was literal gridlock in the electronics/toy department. I swear to Christ it was like New York City’s rush hour. Nobody could move and I heard a familiar phrase, “Oh, I’m so sorry for running into you.” I guess this is how EricMM must feel when riding his organic bike and seeing SUV’s own the road. However, I’m not one for requiring a “sales cart” tax or similar fascist measures. Instead, I take advantage of my mobility and cut in and out of traffic lanes hell-bent on getting my prized items for this stop: one of those above-mentioned video game chairs, some remote controlled helicopter and a bunch of DVDs.
While scanning the possibilities of trying to maneuver in the toy department, I came across this middle-aged guy who probably wasn’t used to this insanity. He made a remark to me about how crazy this experience was, which prompted me to say something like, “if it wasn’t for those pesky social mores I would lift my arms into attack formation and plow down some of these people in front of me.” He response was that this congestion reminded him of the Parkway East, which got a laugh from both of us. Fortunately for him, he reached one of the end aisles to the toy department and snagged some doll thing which must have been a popular seller because there were only a few left. I said “congratulations,” which elicited the response, “this was the only thing I came in here to get.” Well, at least he got what he was gunning for. I was able to weave in and out of stagnant cart-pushers, and get that helicopter-thing. Fortunately, the video game chair was in a spot away from the congestion, so I picked that up and headed to the register. As I met up with the better half, I noticed that the checkout lines weren’t bad at all, which was a bit of a surprise. This then caused me to say, “I’m going back in – wait for me.” Due to my agility advantage over most of my fellow shoppers, I bobbed and weaved through the masses to the DVD section and snagged eight DVDs/TV seasons/value packs I had in my sights, including a few that Mrs. kkk couldn’t find in widescreen format. (Her goal in Target was to get a few DVDs, which is what she did while I was on my “chopper” hunt.)
Total bill for Target: $142. Total savings: $193.
But there’s more…
4:45 p.m.
• So I’m typing this during a conference call. I could get used to this, although I’m sure there’s stuff I should be writing down right now that I will forget five minutes from now.
You know, for as crazy as my job is now, it’s nowhere NEAR the same level as craziness as my former place of employment was. From my contact at my former place of employment, he said the powers-that-be still haven’t found a replacement for me. This is hilarious – when I announced my resignation on January 4…
Oh, here’s something on the conference call I need to write down. One second.
…I said that if they placed an ad that next week, they could probably find someone in a week or two and I could help the n00b out ASAP. That was January 4. So far I haven’t heard anything about a new hire. And people wonder why I left? Well, they probably don’t, but it’s rhetorical.
12 p.m.
• So I’ve been watching through On Demand this “Parking Wars” show. Basically, it’s a look at the Philadelphia Parking Authority and its employees – from those that walk around the streets putting tickets on windshields to those that place boots on cars to those that perform the actual towing to those that work at the impound lot. All I can say is thank God I don’t live in Philadelphia. However, as I watched the latest episode I got the thinking: Which one of these jobs would be the best/worst. Let’s see:
Meter Maid:
Plusses
Get to go outside and get plenty of fresh city air.
Many of the fines you write are small, so the public OUTRAGE isn’t as bad.
There are times when you can just ticket and run without being spotted.
Minuses
You’re outside in city.
Many times you’re alone.
Angry ticket-receivers approach you.
Boot Putter-On People:
Plusses
You’re in a vehicle.
There’s a teammate with you.
Even though you’ll be spotted some times, I’m sure there are a number of instances where you can boot a vehicle and get the hell out.
Minuses
You have to get out of the vehicle to put on a boot.
This is Philly, so chances are you’ll be paired up with a black person.
City driving.
Tow Truck Driver.
Pluses
You’re in a vehicle.
Minuses
It takes longer to get a vehicle in tow, so it’s probable that you’d be spotted.
Impound Employee
Pluses
You’ve got backup around you.
You’re protected behind a sheet of glass.
Minuses
You’re dealing with people you can’t run away from.
The fines are rather hefty, so the people coming in are going to be more pissed off.
...
Wow. Honestly, I don’t know which one of these jobs I’d take. Probably the person that does the booting.
• Uh oh. Looks like I’m the newest member of the Commie Club. I was listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO today and there was a top-of-the-hour news story that said only 13 of every 1,000 people know the five freedoms that are in the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution. After this was announced, I frantically tried to guess them all before the reporter said the answer. There was that freedom of speech thing and the religion one. So far so good. The right to assemble. Come on, I’m almost there. Oh, there’s that pesky freedom of the press, but what’s the fifth one? What is it? God damnit.
Then the radio report gave the answer: Freedom to petition the Government. Oh come on now, we never hear of that one! I guess now what’s next for me is to get on Jay Leno’s show and have him humiliate me by asking, “Who’s the President?” with me giving a dumbfounded look and going, “derp.”
Speaking of those stupid “Man on the street quizzes,” if you’ve ever seen that show “Street Smarts,” you might be interested to know that I went to school with a cousin of that show’s host. Well, you probably aren’t interested, but I’m reminded of a story involving me and Frank Nicotero’s one cousin. I was hanging out with her and a few other people (I’ll call her “Jane” for this story.) when I got pulled over for making an illegal U-Turn. I did it, I paid my fine, and I moved on with my life.
Of course my college pals didn’t let me forget this mistake, which took place late at night and I didn’t see the police car that was in front of me who witnessed the violation. My nickname for the rest of the semester was “U-Turn.” Fine. I’ll be a man and take the abuse. However, during that next semester I had pulled into a gas station to fill up my car when I heard someone call my name. It was Jane, who was with her boyfriend in her parent’s car. I asked them what was going on, and Jane told me she hit the side of another car and they were exchanging information, etc. If memory serves, their car didn’t get dinged up that bad, but the other vehicle had a huge dent in its side.
Oddly enough, when I started calling Jane “Sideswipe,” my days of being “U-Turn” came to a grinding halt.
• cBS is now suing Howard Stern over breach of contract, fraud and other claims. I haven’t listen to Stern in years, although I used to be a fan of the radio show. While I switched stations whenever he’d interview lesbian porn star cousins who used to be men, I did enjoy listening to his social/political commentary; he often made some good points even if I didn’t agree with him. However, when he started his “Bush and the FCC are against me,” pseudo-jihad I tuned him out, especially when he said Michael Savage, who at the time got a short-lived show on MSBC, was a “Bush supporter.” Say what you will about Savage, but to call him another RIGHT-WING RADIO GOP PUPPET showed me Stern didn’t know what he was talking about.
Anyway, another thing I liked about Stern’s show would be when he goes off on his idiot co-workers/management. While I’m sure many thought this whining got old after a while, I enjoyed it, because I could sympathize with him and how people would fuck up even the most simple of tasks you would ask them to perform. I’m sure Stern bitched about cBS on his old show and talked about how great his move to satellite radio was going to be. If this is what cBS is suing over, get a life you bitches. You could have always just taken him off the air if he was being so offensive.
Now if Stern did other things that were in clear violation of his cBS contract, that’s another matter. But I don’t want to hear cBS cry foul because Stern said some mean things on his radio show. I think cBS ought to be more concerned what they’re going to do to make ratings since Stern’s departure.
With the Thanksgiving games coming up, I might as well provide the week-that-was early on.
Atlanta at Baltimore (4.5). Correct.
And the Falcons looked pretty good at the start of this season. What happened?
Buffalo at Houston (2.5). Correct.
I made a last-second switch to Buffalo, and it’s a good thing I did.
(6.5) Chicago at N.Y. Jets. Correct.
I also made an audible at the line of scrimmage with this game. Woo-hoo. The Jets played them tough, but the Bears defense played New York tougher.
Cincinnati at New Orleans (3.5). Correct.
I didn’t think the Saints would win this, but I thought the game would be closer than this. I wonder if this is the start of New Orleans’ slide down the standings.
(1.5) Indianapolis at Dallas. Incorrect.
OK, so Dallas has defeated a quality team (I’m sure a case can be made for the Cowboys win at Carolina, but that’s beside the point), but the Colts had to lose a game sometime. Much like how this week may have been the start of the Saints’ decline, I wonder if this is the start of the Cowboys run to the playoffs.
Minnesota at Miami (3.5). Incorrect.
Missed by half-a-point. Shucks. And most of Miami’s scoring took place on the defensive side of the ball.
(6.5) New England at Green Bay. Correct.
I had a feeling this could be a blowout. I like it when I’m on the winning side of these games.
Oakland at Kansas City (9.5). Correct.
Keep those close losses coming Oakland. I need all the help I can get.
(3.5) Pittsburgh at Cleveland. Incorrect.
Shit. I watched this game, and the Browns should have won. But in typical Cleveland fashion, they found a way to screw it up.
St. Louis at Carolina (7.5). Incorrect.
Bah. I thought the Rams would be able to score at least one touchdown.
Tennessee at Philadelphia (13.5). Correct.
I didn’t think Tennessee would win. I also didn’t think McNabb would tear his ACL. Ouch.
Washington at Tampa Bay (3.5). Incorrect.
Another half-point loss. I know of nothing else to say about this game.
Detroit at Arizona (2.5). Correct.
For as bad as Arizona is, Detroit is worse. Much worse. Well, maybe not much worse, but worse nevertheless.
(6.5) Seattle at San Francisco. Incorrect.
Has San Francisco improved that much? I don’t think so. Perhaps I should start paying attention to see which starters for Seattle are still on the injured list.
San Diego at Denver (2.5). Correct.
I’m sure Drew Brees couldn’t get the Chargers to much better a start to the season’s first half than Philip Rivers has. Then again, having a star running back, tight end and stingy defense can’t hurt, either.
N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville (3.5). Incorrect.
Poor Emily. And what was up with Jack Del Rio wearing that suit?
This week’s record: 9-7
Cumulative record: 78-82
With several losing games decided by a half-point, I feel like this week is a loss.
9 p.m.
• 100 Most Influential Hispanics? I don't think I could name 100 Hispanics, period. Wait a second: I forgot about baseball players. Nevermind, I'm good.
• So what if our former Chief Justice thought the CIA was out to get him. This was the CIA, so it was probably true.
5 p.m.
• Update on the turkey baster family. For those not in the know, here is what I am talking about:
Mrs. kkk found out this afternoon, when trying to call Tonya to RSVP her presence at little Reba's birthday party this weekend, that Tonya turns her ringer off. Why? Because she's tired of all the bill-collectors calling. Oh, and Gary is pissed off because with Tonya's job of sitting around doing nothing, err, I mean cleaning her aunt's house (actually, I think it now may be her mom, rather than aunt) for the State, they are $100 over some marker and can't collect as much welfare. Of course, that was bound to happen when Gary eventually gets upgraded to full-time status with the County Courthouse's janitorial staff. I should note that the better half will be going to this party and not me. Why is that? Because these people didn't attend our wedding. Believe me, I didn't want them attending. I love cashing in "Get Out Of Family Events Because The People Hosting It Didn't Come To Your Wedding" cards.
3 p.m.
• Now let me get this straight...
So while black people were on top of houses waiting to be rescued, cops were saving frozen embryos? That's ... the most awesome thing I've ever heard. Yeah, I know it says this rescue took place a fortnight after the storm, but that information is all the way down in the fifth paragraph -- nobody actually reads that far down in these posted articles.
• Christ, I can't remember who I picked in Week 16. I'll just do a "correct/incorrect" quickie run-down and highlight the really stupid things I said while predicting this week's slate of games.
Minnesota at Green Bay (3.5) –– Incorrect
(6.5) Kansas City at Oakland –– Correct
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (3.5) –– Correct
Carolina at Atlanta (6.5) -– Correct
(4.5) Chicago at Detroit -- Correct (The joke was almost on me.)
(9.5) Indianapolis at Houston -- Incorrect
New England at Jacksonville (2.5) -- Correct
New Orleans at N.Y. Giants (3.5) -- Incorrect (Final score: Saints 30, Giants 7.)
Tampa Bay at Cleveland (3.5) -- Correct
Tennessee at Buffalo (4.5) -- Correct
Washington at St. Louis (2.5) -- Incorrect
Arizona at San Francisco (4.5) -- Incorrect
Cincinnati at Denver (3.5) -- Incorrect
(4.5) San Diego at Seattle -- Incorrect
Philadelphia at Dallas (7.5) -- Incorrect
N.Y. Jets at Miami (2.5) -- Incorrect
This week's score: 7-9
Cumulate score: 107-117
Well, it was looking good until those pesky last 6 games.
Oops. I forgot about my Week 15 Pickkk results.
11 p.m.
• Not only are these non-Americans taking our jobs, but they are also taking our contests. If the mother is not a legal resident, and if the rules state citizenship is a requirement, then she doesn't get the prize money. I guess since she can't run for President, that must smack of second-class citizenship, too.
4:30 p.m.
• I love Wild Card weekend. Four games throughout the weekend – you can’t beat that. Time to make some pickkks:
Kansas City at Indianapolis (7.5)
Because everybody is expecting a 52-49 shootout, I’m sure this will probably end up being a 6-3 affair. Kansas City needs to run the ball and this matchup favors them. Indy needs to score a bunch of points because of a poor defense and this matchup favors them. What will happen? I have no idea. But this game is at Indy, and it’s not a divisional playoff, so I’m hoping Manning doesn’t choke until another round or two into the postseason. Since I’m making people pick final scores in my kkk Bowl contest, I’ll say Indy 40, KC 27.
Dallas at Seattle (3.5)
These two teams haven’t been playing well as of late, so I’m just hoping the home field really does play an advantage in this contest. Dallas has won on the road this year, and Seattle plays in the NFC West, so I have no idea how this one will turn out. Seattle 24, Dallas 17.
New York Jets at New England (8.5)
This one intrigues me. These teams split the season series. The Pats pretty much dominated the first game, with a few freak plays keeping the Jets close. The Jets then beat New England on their home field in the next game. Now will the more experienced Patriots kick it into high gear in the playoffs, or will the Jets hang tough against a divisional foe? The only reason I’m going with the Jets is because this doesn’t look like the same Patriots from year’s past. New England 20, New York 13.
New York Giants at Philadelphia (7.5)
Philly has been playing good late in the season, and the Giants have been inconsistent. However, because this is a divisional match-up I’ll go with the Giants, even though I think Philadelphia will win. New York 17, Philly 21.
3:30 p.m.
• Might as well finish up my NFL pickkk results for the rest of the regular season.
First are my Week 15 results, which I forgot all about.
San Francisco at Seattle: Correct
Dallas at Atlanta: Correct
Cleveland at Baltimore: Incorrect
Detroit at Green Bay: Correct
Houston at New England: Incorrect
Jacksonville at Tennessee: Correct
Miami at Buffalo: Incorrect
N.Y. Jets at Minnesota: Correct
Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants: Correct
Pittsburgh at Carolina: Incorrect
Tampa Bay at Chicago: Correct
Washington at New Orleans: Correct
Denver at Arizona: Correct
Kansas City at San Diego: Incorrect
St. Louis at Oakland: Correct
Cincinnati at Indianapolis: Correct
This week's record: 11-5
Week 17 results:
N.Y. Giants at Washington: Incorrect
Atlanta at Philadelphia: Correct
Buffalo at Baltimore: Incorrect
Carolina at New Orleans: Incorrect
Cleveland at Houston: Correct
Detroit at Dallas: Correct
Green Bay at Chicago: Incorrect
Jacksonville at Kansas City: Correct
Miami at Indianapolis: Correct
New England at Tennessee: Correct
Oakland at N.Y. Jets: Incorrect
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: Incorrect
Seattle at Tampa Bay: Correct
St. Louis at Minnesota: Correct
Arizona at San Diego: Incorrect
San Francisco at Denver: Incorrect
This Week's record: 8-8
Year-end total: 126-130
Well, that's almost .500
• A while back I talked about this MTV show called "My Sweet 16," and how I wanted to take a shovel to the head of each of these spoiled brats. It was during this time I vowed never to watch this show again. I lied. I just had an episode on where some chick had a party that cost more than my college education, and the event was almost ruined when some boy put his face into her $800 birthday cake, toppling it onto the floor. While that was funny enough, there was then video of this kid being taken away in a police car.
8 p.m.
• Well, today was my big b-day celebration. Even though I don’t turn the big 3-1 until later in the week, the better half insisted that we do all this birthday shit today because next Sunday would be Easter. So I got my gifts: South Park Season 9 DVD and Ron White’s “You Can’t Fix Stupid” DVD. Not sure why I got the White DVD, but she said that I told her one time he was my favorite out of the four Blue Collar comedians. Uh, OK then. After that it was onto Red Lobster for my yearly ultimate feast. The reason we only go to this place once a year on my birthday is because 1) Mrs. kkk hates seafood, and 2) Mrs. kkk can’t watch me eat shellfish. Frankly, I don’t blame her; it’s not a pretty sight. Exciting stuff, I know.
• With the MLB season starting up, many people are giving their predictions. I might as well bust out mine, too. There was a TSM thread started up a while back where people got to pick the over/under on how many games each team will win this season, so I guess that makes sense to do. As an added twist, I challenged that fraud pseudo-baseball expert that uses my oh-so-clever name when commenting on America’s National Pastime. I’m going to post my picks, followed by his, and when the regular season wraps up we’ll see who has the last laugh … bitch.
Please note I haven’t bothered to follow any baseball news this off-season (I barely follow it during the regular season), and the only transactions I know are this: The Red Sox got some Jap, and the Angles paid a lot of money for some guy who was just busted for roids. All the picks that we will differ on will be boldfaced in my selections.
Al kkk-eiper’s picks:
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 UNDER
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER Now that Racist Dusty is gone, I’m rooting for the Cubs to win the World Series. Well, first they have to be mediocre.
Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 UNDER
Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER
Houston Astros 78.5 OVER
Kansas City Royals 67.5 UNDER
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 UNDER
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 OVER
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 UNDER
Minnesota Twins 83.5 UNDER
New York Mets 88.0 OVER
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 UNDER But they played .500 ball the second half of the season!!! But they’re hosting the ALL-STAR GAME~!!! Wait, that was last year.
San Diego Padres 84.0 OVER
San Francisco Giants 81.5 OVER
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 UNDER
Texas Rangers 81.5 UNDER
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER
Washington Nationals 66.5 OVER
Al I’m-a-fraud-Keiper’s picks:
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 OVER
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 OVER
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER
Chicago White Sox 86.5 UNDER
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 OVER
Cleveland Indians 84.5 OVER
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER
Houston Astros 78.5 UNDER
Kansas City Royals 67.5 OVER
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 OVER
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 UNDER
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 OVER
Minnesota Twins 83.5 OVER
New York Mets 88.0 OVER
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 OVER
San Diego Padres 84.0 UNDER
San Francisco Giants 81.5 UNDER
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 OVER
Texas Rangers 81.5 OVER
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER
Washington Nationals 66.5 UNDER
Now we’ll see who the real baseball expert is and who is talking out of his ass. You know, I think I'll take all my over/unders and see how they look when I divide the teams by division
NL East
New York Mets 88.0 OVER
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER
Washington Nationals 66.5 OVER
NL Central
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER
Houston Astros 78.5 OVER
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 UNDER
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 UNDER
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 UNDER
NL West
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 OVER
San Diego Padres 84.0 OVER
San Francisco Giants 81.5 OVER
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER
AL East
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 UNDER
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 UNDER
AL Central
Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER
Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER
Minnesota Twins 83.5 UNDER
Kansas City Royals 67.5 UNDER
AL West
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 UNDER
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER
Texas Rangers 81.5 UNDER
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER
…
Remember when I said this:
Yeah, we probably will.
6:15 p.m.
• Since Smues is talking about perv teachers from back in the day, I felt inspired to tell my story regarding this subject.
I almost failed eighth grade because…
I was an only child.
I had divorced parents.
They were passing a black kid instead of me – damn affirmative action.
Rap music told me school was for bustas.
My government school didn't provide me with an adequate learning environment.
...I was a lazy piece of shit that played video games all day instead of studying (you can't just beat "Ghouls 'n Ghosts" on the first try).
One of the classes I failed was science. I’ve always hated this subject, but this year was especially bad because I hated my teacher. The guy’s name was Mr. Kuniak, and he was one of those “cool” teachers. Or at least he was “cool” with the jocks and cheerleaders and all those other tools that did things like homework and reading from textbooks. Conformists. Anyway, every quarter we got these progress reports called “green sheets.” Generally, the dreaded progress report was sent out in subjects you were failing midway through a grading period, but Mr. Kuniak gave everyone a green sheet that had to be signed by a parent. Of course, while everyone was taking home sheets of paper reading “Johhny is getting 105 percent in my class,” I was failing, and failing bad. These sheets also had to be turned back in within a few days. Of course, I just kept mine and didn’t bother to get it signed or turned in. After a few weeks, and constant badgering from Mr. Kuniak, I finally signed my mom’s name and gave it to him. There was one little problem. I forgot to erase the “Get a woman faggot” sentence I wrote on the green sheet when I first got this document highlighting my academic deficiencies. Oops. As I gave this sheet to him I saw my handiwork and tried to take it away from him. I failed. If I was ever to experience a bowel movement in class, this would have been it. Mr. Kuniak looked at the sheet and the following conversation took place.
“kkk, is this your handwriting?”
“Yes.”
“Erase it. It’s unacceptable.”
That was it.
My friend who was sitting next to me at our lab table took one look at what I wrote and was reduced to years in mere seconds from laughing so hard. You know a teacher doesn’t give a shit about you when they don’t even care you mocked their alleged sexual preference. To add to this story, a few years later, while trying out for the junior varsity team, I found out on the first day of try-outs that Mr. Kuniak was the JV coach. Surprisingly enough, we were quite civil to each other. Maybe he just figured he had to deal with me for a few days before cutting me – my basketball skills weren’t much better than my ability to remember what was on the periodic table. I saw him a few times after that and there didn’t appear to be any leftover hatred. What has this got to do with Smues’ entry? Years after graduating high school, I heard Mr. Kuniak got fired for sexual harassment or something like that from a female student. Do I think he did anything? Dunno. I’m guessing his easy-going nature was probably used against him by some chick who was upset at not getting an A+++. Then again, he might have been banging the color guard all this time without me knowing. One thing’s for certain, though.
I don’t believe he was gay.
12:30 p.m.
• If Jimmy Carter rambles on about the WORST ADMINISTRATION IN OUR HISTORY, and everybody except for Medium-Large Media, pays attention, did he really say it at all?
Bill Clinton talking smack about W. I can understand – at least he had THEGREATESTECONOMYINTHEHISTORYOFTHEWORLD to fall back on. Jimmy, oh Jimmy.
7:30 p.m.
• So Vanhalen shot me over a MSN Message earlier today. Now normally when I hear from him I try to get away as fast as I can. (Just kidding, Vanhalen. It’s that the better half always wants me to take out the trash or feed the cats right when you type “Hey man, how’s it going?”) But today I looked at the Web site he directed me to. Even though I never owned a NES, I have to say this was entertaining for the most part. My favorite part was the “Christmas” game reviews, particularly the second video talking about “Bible Buffet.” You know, for a company making CHRISTIAN games, they were ripping off quite a few other titles. Noah’s Ark 3D was my favorite of the lot.
2 p.m.
• For Ramones fans with OnDemand, if you head over to TV Entertainment/VH1/VH1 Classic, there’s a documentary about the group. They even include an “Up All Night” bit they did with Gilbert Gottfried. I don’t care what the haters say, that little Jew cracks me up.
• Why am I posting this?
So I can get to this.
I bet he did. Hey, if I can make fun of (alleged) child molesters in the Catholic church, I can here, too.
8:15 p.m.
• You know, it's shit like this that really pisses me off.
Now most of the time fast-food places try to put good-looking gals at the registers and in drive-thrus. This is done in hopes that irate customers won't be so pissed off in front of a pretty face. I never got that myself. "Yeah, I was going to scream at you for my long wait, but maybe if I act all understanding your panties will get wet and you'll craw through the window and suck me dry while I'm pounding my Big Mac and fries." Now there have been a few instances when I've worked drive thru during my high schools years and I hated it, especially late night. This was because the people back in the grill were cleaning equipment and didn't give a shit how long it took an order to complete. This, of course, made the lazy drive-thru people angry and I had to bear the brunt of it. Fortunately, I never had a pepper spray to the eyes or worse -- just a drive off before the person's order could be complete.
A similar incident to the story mentioned above happened at a somewhat local McDonald's here, and it was funny listening to the one RIGHT-WING RADIO station's local host comment on it. Actually, the callers were the real joy. A number of them opined about how terrible the culture is and all that shit while trying to figure out how to stop it. Here's an idea that isn't put to much use these days in most areas of law enforcement.
PUNISH THE ASSHOLES WHO DO THIS SHIT.
You want to assault some poor teen trying to earn money for college? Give this shit the maximum, harshest penalty available. Send the fuck to juvenile hall or jail. When the teen's scumbag defense lawyer that mommy and daddy paid for trying to whine about it to the judge, have the judge go, "N*gga plz" and tack on a few more months. After a several of these sentences, I'm quite sure it will be safer for customer service representatives to say, "here's your order" and not have to worry about being assaulted. And for the teens that do get ambushed with this kind of bullshit: Find the Jewiest lawyer out there and sue the shit out of the bitches that did this to you. And if these perps are of minor age, go after the parents, which would be even better.
8 p.m.
• Yet another story of wedded bliss. During our grocery store trip today I got a thing of Nestle Quik, or that hippie abbreviated version. Why did I do it? I was in the mood for some chocolaty goodness. That and it was on sale and I had a coupon. Anyway, for some reason we were talking about this on the way home and she said, "Chocolate milk is good ... if you're 10." My retort? "This coming from the person who watches Scooby Doo DVDs when she goes to bed in her Scooby Doo pjs." Silence. Well at least it's the original Scooby Doo cartoons and not the retarded newer versions. I think my first boner came from looking at Daphne, which is odd because I’m not normally attracted to red-heads. Either that or I got my first stiffy from some special Geraldo did back in the day about hookers.
3 p.m.
• You know what I hate about deadlines? Going over shit without the radio on. How can I listen to Boortz when I have stuff to proofread and finalize. Damn responsibility.
• We can't keep illegals from crossing our border. I'm sure this place will be able to control this.
• What the hell was the point of this? "That bitch. I hate her. Say, maybe if I make her cat sterile, that'll teach her a lesson."
The only reason I'm making light of this is that the cat is expected to recover, though I'm not sure the feline's junk will. Oh well, kitties need to be fixed anyway. And it could have been worse than just a box cutter.
• I've mentioned the groundhog that lives under my shed a few times and explained why I leave him alone for the most part. Here's another reason: he's not Grumpy.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 79: Treble
He crashed my 10,000 post celebration and he didn’t like my use of "..." after posts back when I used to do this. However, he has known me before Mumia, and if you’re going to make fun of me take a note from him because he does is good. Also, you can't really blame the Office Glen for crashing my threads, considering I have derailed a few of his on occasion.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Kingofthe909:
• So I watched O’Reilly the other day for the first time in a while, so I figured what the hell and turned on Hannity & Colmes last night. The topic they were bitching about for this particular segment was some hick school putting up a picture of Jesus. This of course brings the Separation of Church/State Nazis and my buddy the Fascist Barry Lynn. I swear to Christ (no pun intended) if I ever see this guy in real life I might take a shovel to his noggin. Anyway, what got my attention was when Alan Colmes said, when defending the Fascist Barry Lynn, the usual talking point of “what if other religions did this?” Alan then posed the question of whether or not Christians would be so accommodating if a picture of Mohammad was posted instead. Actually, I think that would be great if this...
...got posted in our government schools. And if any offended Muslims are reading this (and I doubt you are because one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male is present him with any technology that was created after 400 A.D.), remember, this isn't your sacred prophet. It's Larry. So save your jihad for something else, like those people that molest produce in the grocery store for 20 minutes before putting the shit back down and leaving.
• Well, Andrea Yates is getting a new trial (and is no longer seeing Satanic ducks and teddy bears on her cell walls) but hey, look at this. A man charged with kidnapping, raping and killing 9- year-old Jessica Lunsford just had a judge say that his confession isn’t admissible in court because the cops didn't grant him a lawyer. Although this guy will still "probably" (you never know with juries nowadays) be found guilty, shit like this only re-affirms my stance that if someone harms your family in any way you kill the fucker before some robed pinko decides that a "life" in "life sentence" means the lifespan of a fruit fly. And while I'm on the subject of judges, what the fuck?
Although it's nice to know that WASPy professionals aren't the only ones in trouble for whipping it out (allegedly, of course).
2 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie is now saying that the new arena deal in store for the Penguins is the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, or some shit like that.
Ha. It may be the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, but is it better than the deals in Houston or Kansas City? You bitches strung out Mario Lemieux way too damn long, and now it’s time to pay the piper. I wonder if you people would have treated the Rooney family the same way? Doubtful.
• W. made his State of the Union speech last night. Didn’t listen. Don’t care. I’ve always avoided this annual speech. I don’t want to know how government plans to fuck me over in the upcoming year. I prefer to have my head in the sand and have it come as a surprise during the course of that year. That way you can act as if it a big game or something.
• I never had any problems with Brandy; she seemed harmless enough. She’s not too harmless behind the wheel of a Land Rover, though.
For her sake I hope she wasn’t under the influence of anything (it appears that way so far) and this fatal accident can be chalked up as just that – an accident.
• There’s been some uproar over these proposed public transportation cuts that are going on in my region. Of course the weenies sporting the “Save Our Mass Transit,” signs have come out to public meetings pissing and moaning about the whole thing, much to EricMM’s delight I’m sure. Could it be entirely possible that some bus routes should be eliminated due to a lack of ridership? Nah. More union contracts for all. Efficiency be damned. I can’t wait to see the bitching that will take place if the local Public Authority Transit Board actually tries to go through with this idea.
2 p.m.
• Well this morning on ESPN I saw Stephen Smith talking NASCAR with Tim Cowlishaw. It was an … interesting … moment.
• Oh, this should be interesting.
I bet Serbia is going to get a really nasty letter from the U.N. letting them know how mad that faceless governing body is at them. And of course they're going to convict -- think the U.N. wants a bunch of angry Muslims declaring jihad? Well, at least a bunch of angry Muslims (sorry for being redundant) declaring jihad on them?
9 p.m.
• Awww, they found a long-lost relative of the triceratops. I'm such a ceratopsian mark it's not even funny. And who's the perv that drew this? (Note the babies toward the bottom left.)
• And speaking of dinosaurs, anybody remember these?
Alrighty then.
3 p.m.
• Just saw the finale of that White Rapper show. Although I thought John Brown was better, I knew that other guy was going to win the final contest. You don’t step on stage at a club and bust some raps about fuel dependency and the Middle East. I laughed when the judges said the same thing. I love it when a person wins money on a reality show. It’s funny to see them think that winning $100,000 actually winning $100,000. Uh, buddy, you need to let Uncle Sam, the biggest pimp of them all, get his cut, too. I can’t wait to see how much is left over for this kid’s music career after he takes care of his parents and pays for his sister’s schooling.
• Well, I knew this time would be coming, and I was right. As mentioned previously at this place, I’m trying to pay off quite a mountain of credit card debt that the better half brought upon herself. A little less than a year ago I pretty much took over all the household finances and got ready to deal with the $20k in credit card bills that she brought onto herself over the years. By the end of this month I see three-quarters of this debt getting paid off. One problem I feared by taking over the finances was that after awhile Mrs. kkk would start spending money on unnecessary items. And I was right.
I mentioned a little while ago that she got me a recliner for our anniversary (despite the fact our anniversary isn’t until June). When I asked her how she was paying for this she said that she was paying it off with the $40 weekly stipend she gets for spending on whatever she wants. Fair enough. But over the last few days she has started buying other stupid shit, and last night I asked her where the money was coming from for these purchases. That didn’t go over well. Too bad. She countered by sleeping on the guest bed last night. I guess that is supposed to show me the error of my ways: I had to make do with sleeping by myself on a queen-sized bed rather than only half of the bed (and that’s not counting whenever the cats hop up with us and stake out their own territory). Gee, I hope she’s still not mad later tonight.
10 p.m.
• You know, sometimes when you work for idiots you really want to get the hell out of there. However, there’s something that keeps me from really looking for another job. That reason? Because this place is awesome – in a trainwreck sort of way. Our Marketing Director, which is a fancy way to say “head insurance salesman,” gets boned at every turn at this place and today may have been the final straw. Long story short. Late last month he attended this public event to meet and greet/press the flesh/do that sales stuff which keeps the wheels of commerce spinning. And yesterday he turned in his expense report. Today he got called up and got scolded for a $600 tab. He was gone for three days in Michigan. All he put down was the daily per diem and mileage. He didn’t add anything for food, tolls or other expenses, like, say the RENTAL CAR he got because his two vehicles were in the shop. Here’s how it broke down:
Hotel: More than $100 per night for three nights.
Mileage. Just under $300 round-trip from Shittsburgh to Michigan.
Oh, and this is the first time after more than two years on the job that he turned in a per diem expense. (He didn't even know he was allowed to turn in a per diem for events like this until earlier this year when he told the one idiot that he couldn't afford to keep going to these out-of-state events. That's when the idiot said, "You can put your hotel costs on an expense report." This is the same idiot that gave my co-worker his orientation at this place; I would have thought per diems would have been mentioned when my poor co-worker is "encouraged" to travel as often as possible.) Did I mention he has a "Marketing Budget" of $5,000 that he hasn't been allowed to spend at all this year? After this confrontation, my partner in crime began the day’s job search and had an interview at 3:15 p.m. with a place that knows in 2006 my co-worker did more businesses than the top four producers at the next busiest organization in our field. If he leaves within the next few days I’m going to have a grand ol’ time at work, especially since that will mean my idiot bosses will be too pre-occupied trying to play damage control when my co-worker sends out correspondence describing exactly why he left, which means I’ll be left alone even more than usual. Good times, I say.
• Even though the Smues household may be paying more than he would like for car insurance on a 2000 Ford Ranger that has been driven 115,000+ miles, it could have been worse. The future Mrs. Smues could have had a guy with a penis pendant sell her the car.
• Oh good lord.
