11:45 p.m.
I appreciate the effort, but next time can you wait until the Big Cheese stops by first?
Then again, maybe this guy is another left-wing spy.
I remember a while back reading something on the Media Research Center's website about some people quoted in the LEFTWINGMAINSTREAMLIBERALPRESS as regular citizens but were actually Democrat activists. If I ever feel motivated, I might see if I can find these stories.
10 p.m.
• Time for the rest of this week's pickkks.
Atlanta @ St. Louis (4.5)
Yay. St. Louis is on a hot streak of sorts, which of course now means they'll blow one. Whatever. I'm still a sucker.
Buffalo @ Washington (5.5)
Hmm, will this be one of those "win for the dead guy" games? Sure. I'm still a sucker. Oh, and count me in as someone who doesn't think Sean Taylor's death was was a random act of violence.
Detroit @ Minnesota (3.5)
Ha. I laugh when I think back to when some people took the Lions as playoff contenders. Now they're underdogs at Minnesota. Ha. I'm taking them. Why?
Houston @ Tennessee (4.5)
Hmm, Young hasn't been playing good as of late. I'll guess that the Titans are one of those "falter during the final stretch teams" for this season.
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (6.5)
I'm hoping the Colts still have some rust from the last few weeks. Hey, even Atlanta was up on them by double digits at one point on Thanksgiving.
N.Y. Jets @ Miami (1.5)
An unbeaten team FAVORED? This is great. If Miami loses this week, I shudder as to who this team can beat.
(5.5) San Diego @ Kansas City
Here's hoping the Chiefs don't decide to make it close.
Seattle @ Philadelphia (3.5)
I'm wondering if the Eagles loss to the Pats was a kick-start for this team. Well, here's hoping.
San Francisco @ Carolina (2.5)
Will the Panthers ever win at home? Here's hoping "no" for one more week.
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (3.5)
Fuck the Saints. Lose and go away from the NFC playoff picture.
Cleveland @ Arizona (1.5)
This might have the potential to be a hella good game on the offensive side of things. Who would have thought that at the start of the season?
(3.5) Denver @ Oakland
It's the Raiders. For some reason they seem like they should be better than their three-win record. Maybe it's because they played in some close games. OK, time to see if I know what I'm talking about or pulling this out of my rear end.
Week 1: 21-36
Week 2: 20-23
Week 3: 26-24
Week 4: 35-17
Week 5: BYE
Week 6: 14-28
Week 7: 10-12
Week 8: 9-13
Week 9: 17-24 Eh, the Raiders scored a touchdown with 1:30 left. I'm not counting this one as a "close loss."
Week 10: 6-17
Week 11: 22-29
Week 12: 20-17
So seven of the dozen contests were either wins or games that were close in score. I'm taking this one.
Week 13:
(1.5) N.Y. Giants @ Chicago
Come on G-men, collapse.
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (7.5)
Neither team beats the other at home. Steelers are also without some key players. Also, I just heard fullback Dan Krieder is out with an ACL tear. Here's hoping he can rehab himself onto another team next year. He'll be a free agent and doesn't really fit anymore into the Steelers' plans. I liked him.
(20.5) New England @ Baltimore
Damn you New England for having a close game. Don't burn me again.
• KKK's Top 103 Posters List
So back a week or so ago I was looking at someone’s favorite something-or-other list, and I suddenly got inspired to do my own list of top/favorite posters at TSM. As I began typing away the names of user handles that popped into my head, I had no idea how many names I would continue with before stopping. I got up to 103 before getting bored, and also because I was too lazy to trim off the three names that would make my list an even 100 number. After looking over this list a day or so later I did a little re-arranging of the order and finalized it. So, without further ado, I kick-off KKK's Top 103 Poster List.
Number 103: Sideburnious
Sideburnious falls under the category of posters I like but I don’t spend much, if any, time talking to. I think one reason I'm having some trouble coming up with a "favorite Sideburnious moment" is because he’s “TSM Invisible Poster.” However, he’s not invisible enough to make #103 on my list.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
So who will be in the 102 spot? Tune in and find out.
• So tonight will bring to an end to “Charmed,” one of those shows that I have no idea why I watch. Actually, I know the reason. A year or two ago the better half began watching this program on TNT with three chicks talking and doing nothing but show off cleavage for an hour before finally vanquishing someone (or something) at the end. After asking her what the show was about and being told that it deals with three witches who do a bunch of stuff I retreated to another room. Months went by and every time this show was on television Mrs. kkk would be there watching it. The few times I saw more than 10 seconds of this program I asked questions as to what the hell was going on. The answers I got most of the time just confused me more. "If Cole is the source of all evil why then did he stop being a lawyer?" "Didn't Shannon Doherty used to be on that show?" How come the chick who replaced Shannon can teleport while the others can't?" "Didn't they already kill those Triads before?" "How come Leo can't heal people anymore?" Anyway, whenever a holiday or birthday would come around, getting the latest “Charmed” season released on DVD was always an easy gift choice to get. Because the better half watched these shows nonstop I inevitably started watching them, and once the show came back for a final season on the WB I watched it along with her. Now it’s the series finale and I’ll be hoping that Billie dies a miserable death. If you don’t know who Billie is, don’t ask. Trust me, you’ll be better off that way.
• If you have read KK’s Korner for any period of time, chances are you’ve learned of my fondness for my current batch of fellow co-workers, or lack thereof. After hearing my constant griping regarding many of these zany characters I deal with in the workplace, you may be surprised to learn that I actually prefer having a cohesive work environment. Seriously, who doesn’t want to enjoy the time where they spend one-third of their workweek? The problem with an office environment is that many times you have no say in who your co-workers are: if you get along with them, that’s great; if you don’t, well, too bad. I thank my lucky stars my office is two floors away from ninety-nine percent of my peers and that my job doesn’t interfere with what they do so my interaction with them is limited. Why do I say all this? Well, just yesterday I learned what one of my co-workers did at last years’ Christmas “grab bag” event.
For those that don’t know a grab bag’s purpose, it is for people who want to be involved with some faux form of workplace unity. If someone wants to be involved in a grab bag extravaganza, all they do is put their name in a hat and someone who organizes the activity selects which co-worker will buy $20 worth of gifts for another co-worker. For everyone participating, they have to write their name on a piece a paper and include a list of three to four items that they would like. (I must mention here that ever since I began working at this place I have never taken part in one of these grab bags. This is because I think the whole idea is stupid and also because there’s no way in hell I’m spending money on someone I loathe, and there are quite a few people at my job that fill this bill.) Well anyway, I found out that one of my co-workers, I’ll call her Sue, was supposed to get something for … let’s call this other person Beth. Now keep in mind Sue is a compulsive gambler, or so I’ve been told, and she ended up buying $20 worth of scratch-and-win instant lottery tickets. I’m assuming Beth wanted lottery tickets for this grab bag thing, but I digress. If Beth did indeed want lottery tickets, then I guess $20 in instant win games seems like a good gift, right? Well, in happy world it would be, but this is kkk’s world. In kkk’s world, Sue scratched off all the tickets before giving them to Beth. The reason? Sue wanted to make sure she gave at least one winning ticket to Beth. Uh-huh. Right. So in effect, Sue’s gift to Beth was 17 or 18 scratch-off tickets that were already played and had no value and two or three tickets that had a $1 or $2 payout. And people say I’m a Jew bastard. I’m surprised Sue didn’t throw in a few losing Powerball tickets from the previous week’s drawing.
I do find it odd that Sue is a person who, when we have an office pool for a $100+ million Powerball drawing, she never joins the rest of us sheep and instead plays on her own. I would assume if she was a degenerative gambler that she would want to be in an office pool where the odds of winning a jackpot would be only one-in-two-hundred-million, rather than playing the lottery by herself where the odds increase to one-in-infinity-plus-one. Then again, what the hell do I know? The only reason I participate in an office lottery pool is that I know if I don’t then my co-workers would win the mega-ultra jackpot, and there’s no way in hell I’m about to let that happen. Not on my watch.
If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, chances are you know my opinion toward Division I-A College Football and the whole BcS system. From my 10/16 entry:
But even though I don’t care for college football, I do care about my fellow TSM brethren. When Bored needed an extra participant for this year’s college football pick ‘em contest, I was more than happy to oblige. I mean, it’s only a minute or so out of my busy week to PM him each week’s picks. Well a funny thing happened; I managed to scrap and claw my way to the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl up against my hated rival Kotz. Well, maybe not “hated rival,” but I know he won’t be inviting me over for dinner anytime soon. I figured because I post all my NFL selections, why not include this year’s bowl games?
Please note that I have spent zero time actually thinking about these selections, which is how I approached my selections for Bored’s contest. Now if USC is playing California Christian Academy Tech in Week 1, then I’m going with the Trojans. But for just about anything else, I’m completely in the dark, which in many cases would probably be the best way to pick games. I have no idea which teams have already won, nor do I really care. I’ll probably do a recap after the BcS game to see how good (or bad) I did. Oh, and Papajohns.com Bowl? Insight Bowl? Meineke Car Care Bowl? International Bowl with Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan on January 6? The hell?
December 19th
Poinsettia: TCU vs. Northern Illinois
December 21st
Las Vegas: BYU vs. Oregon
December 22nd
New Orleans: Troy vs. Rice
December 23rd
Papajohns.com: South Florida vs. East Carolina
New Mexico: New Mexico vs. San Jose State
Armed Forces: Tulsa vs. Utah
December 24th
Hawaii: Arizona State vs. Hawaii
December 26th
Motor City: Middle Tennessee vs. Central Michigan
December 27th
Emerald: Florida State vs. UCLA
December 28th
Independence: Oklahoma State vs. Alabama
Holiday: California vs. Texas A&M
Texas: Rutgers vs. Kansas State
December 29th
Music City: Clemson vs. Kentucky
Sun: Oregon State vs. Missouri
Liberty: Houston vs. South Carolina
Insight: Texas Tech vs. Minnesota
Champs Sports: Purdue vs. Maryland
December 30th
Meineke Car Care: Navy vs. Boston College
Alamo: Texas vs. Iowa
Chick-fil-A: Georgia vs. Virginia Tech
December 31st
MPC Computers: Miami vs. Nevada
January 1st
Outback: Tennessee vs. Penn State
Cotton: Auburn vs. Nebraska
Gator: West Virginia vs. Georgia Tech
Capital One: Arkansas vs. Wisconsin
Rose: USC vs. Michigan
Fiesta: Boise State vs. Oklahoma
January 2nd
Orange: Louisville vs. Wake Forest
January 3rd
Sugar: Notre Dame vs. LSU
January 6th
International: Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan
January 7th
GMAC: Ohio vs. Southern Miss
January 8th
BCS Championship: Florida vs. Ohio State
9 p.m.
• 100 Most Influential Hispanics? I don't think I could name 100 Hispanics, period. Wait a second: I forgot about baseball players. Nevermind, I'm good.
• So what if our former Chief Justice thought the CIA was out to get him. This was the CIA, so it was probably true.
5 p.m.
• Update on the turkey baster family. For those not in the know, here is what I am talking about:
Mrs. kkk found out this afternoon, when trying to call Tonya to RSVP her presence at little Reba's birthday party this weekend, that Tonya turns her ringer off. Why? Because she's tired of all the bill-collectors calling. Oh, and Gary is pissed off because with Tonya's job of sitting around doing nothing, err, I mean cleaning her aunt's house (actually, I think it now may be her mom, rather than aunt) for the State, they are $100 over some marker and can't collect as much welfare. Of course, that was bound to happen when Gary eventually gets upgraded to full-time status with the County Courthouse's janitorial staff. I should note that the better half will be going to this party and not me. Why is that? Because these people didn't attend our wedding. Believe me, I didn't want them attending. I love cashing in "Get Out Of Family Events Because The People Hosting It Didn't Come To Your Wedding" cards.
3 p.m.
• Now let me get this straight...
So while black people were on top of houses waiting to be rescued, cops were saving frozen embryos? That's ... the most awesome thing I've ever heard. Yeah, I know it says this rescue took place a fortnight after the storm, but that information is all the way down in the fifth paragraph -- nobody actually reads that far down in these posted articles.
• Christ, I can't remember who I picked in Week 16. I'll just do a "correct/incorrect" quickie run-down and highlight the really stupid things I said while predicting this week's slate of games.
Minnesota at Green Bay (3.5) –– Incorrect
(6.5) Kansas City at Oakland –– Correct
Baltimore at Pittsburgh (3.5) –– Correct
Carolina at Atlanta (6.5) -– Correct
(4.5) Chicago at Detroit -- Correct (The joke was almost on me.)
(9.5) Indianapolis at Houston -- Incorrect
New England at Jacksonville (2.5) -- Correct
New Orleans at N.Y. Giants (3.5) -- Incorrect (Final score: Saints 30, Giants 7.)
Tampa Bay at Cleveland (3.5) -- Correct
Tennessee at Buffalo (4.5) -- Correct
Washington at St. Louis (2.5) -- Incorrect
Arizona at San Francisco (4.5) -- Incorrect
Cincinnati at Denver (3.5) -- Incorrect
(4.5) San Diego at Seattle -- Incorrect
Philadelphia at Dallas (7.5) -- Incorrect
N.Y. Jets at Miami (2.5) -- Incorrect
This week's score: 7-9
Cumulate score: 107-117
Well, it was looking good until those pesky last 6 games.
Oops. I forgot about my Week 15 Pickkk results.
2 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie is now saying that the new arena deal in store for the Penguins is the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, or some shit like that.
Ha. It may be the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, but is it better than the deals in Houston or Kansas City? You bitches strung out Mario Lemieux way too damn long, and now it’s time to pay the piper. I wonder if you people would have treated the Rooney family the same way? Doubtful.
• W. made his State of the Union speech last night. Didn’t listen. Don’t care. I’ve always avoided this annual speech. I don’t want to know how government plans to fuck me over in the upcoming year. I prefer to have my head in the sand and have it come as a surprise during the course of that year. That way you can act as if it a big game or something.
• I never had any problems with Brandy; she seemed harmless enough. She’s not too harmless behind the wheel of a Land Rover, though.
For her sake I hope she wasn’t under the influence of anything (it appears that way so far) and this fatal accident can be chalked up as just that – an accident.
• There’s been some uproar over these proposed public transportation cuts that are going on in my region. Of course the weenies sporting the “Save Our Mass Transit,” signs have come out to public meetings pissing and moaning about the whole thing, much to EricMM’s delight I’m sure. Could it be entirely possible that some bus routes should be eliminated due to a lack of ridership? Nah. More union contracts for all. Efficiency be damned. I can’t wait to see the bitching that will take place if the local Public Authority Transit Board actually tries to go through with this idea.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 24: Teke184/cop/whoever
Now some of you may be wondering why the 2005 Lucky Strikes Cigarettes Tar Bowl Champion is on my list – wasn’t he the one who banned Frigid over the infamous “sniper” remark that in turn triggered a shitstorm the likes of which has rarely been equaled at this place? To this I say, “yeah, and so what?” If Teke didn’t ban Frigid that whole thread, not to mention the others that spawned from it, wouldn't have been as entertaining as they were. Besides, it’s not like the other two points in this love triangle aren’t being represented. Slapnuts is on this list, as is Frigid, who went on to cause havoc with an entirely separate message board. Besides, teke can also find me entertaining at times … wait a second, that was tekecop. Are they the same? I don’t know. Either way, both names begin with “teke,” so that’s close enough for me. He also helped a brotha out in a previous kkk Bowl season and lets us know of Michael Vick’s Doggie-gate scandal with frequent updates over at the other place. And believe me, if there’s one thing I want to know about it’s how someone is pissing away his God-given athletic fortune just to see a few bitches go at it.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
5:15 p.m.
• OK, so for this past week on Jim Rome’s ESPN show he’s had some guy from Chicago and this black chick on his panel, and I’ve been digging this pair, especially the latter one. Something that turns me off about people that get on these shows is that they look like they don’t want to be there. This chick is an exception to this rule. But then we got to today with the Marvin Lewis “the cops are profiling my team” story. During this topic she brings up the “the Cincy po-pos have killed 15 black men since 1995."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
OK, people, for those that haven’t lived in the southwestern Ohio region, let me fill you in on something. Whenever you hear this “15 black men killed by the PO-lice since 1995,” let me fill you in on a little secret.
Pity, and I liked her, too.
12 p.m.
• Too bad pops wasn't with his lush son driving from bar to bar. Now I see where Joshy got his sense of personal responsibility from.
10 a.m.
• This morning I was thumbing through some old newspapers at work in search for print ads whose ideas I can steal pay homage to when I create ads of my own. Recently, my local newspaper printed its “best of” businesses for the year – you know, “best steaks,” “best hospital,” etc. Well, the winner of “best vet” was this asshole who we originally took our three cats to until Shadow got sick and we found out this guy had no idea what he was doing. When I informed the better half via e-mail this morning about this, she responded by saying…
Yeah, she’ll be fuming over this one for the next day or two.
• While on the subject of work, I have to tell this story. About a week ago my idiot boss was talking about something or other, and he said to me that “we must bend over backwards for our customers.” Now just hearing these words come out of his mouth is funny enough, but yesterday the real punch line arrived.
Long story short. In our organization’s most recent publication, I created an ad for some yearlong promotion. Customers started receiving the publication on Wednesday and yesterday someone actually called in to inquire about said ad. This is what the ad tells you to do, after all. When my idiot boss was told by one of his secretaries (we are all his secretaries) that someone had questions about this promotion, he told the secretary to tell the caller that more information will be mailed out in a mass mailing that he hasn’t even planned yet and will take at least two weeks to complete. Bend over backwards indeed.
9 p.m.
• So sad. I was putting a portfolio together when I decided to fuck around instead. Damn you Internet. Oh, for as much bitching about stupid commericals, I have to admit I like this one. And it deals with
This one's good, too, but I like the first better.
6 p.m.
• What punitive damages? You were a shitbag before this story which did you in.
• My vote would be to asterisk the ball.
Blasting it off into space just seems too… eh. I wouldn’t be convinced that it actually happened. The ball would probably just be hidden in some backlot, only to appear when I’m in a nursing home and making me even more skeptical of this world.
• Damn, now EVERYONE is getting tasered (well, actually this happened last year, but whatever).
Hey, just because someone is in a wheelchair that doesn’t mean they should get any special privileges. Remember, “disabled” doesn’t mean “unable.” Besides, those wheelchairs can hurt. I should know. During my theater days some frequent customer who everybody hated got pissed at me one day and drove this motorized beast into my shin. I didn’t really care, and actually thought it was funny, but it gave me an excuse to act “faux pissed” at him, thus giving me an out in never having to deal with him. I mean, I could only fuck with his mind because it appeared that God already beat me to the physical part.
Oh, yeah. Back to the story at hand. Fuck this family. Next time some psycho family member is on a relative's private property with weapons, the cops should just stay away and let them sort it out with hugs.
• The only thing weird ever to come out of my bunghole was string during my adolescent days (still trying to figure that one out – yeah I ate some string but not that much, and not that color). Now the things that have gone into my browneye – that’s another story.
7:15 p.m.
• So while the better half and I drove home from work today, we were talking about our employment experiences when it came to quitting. While I have only resigned a job to take another job in the same region once in the last 12 years, Mrs. kkk has made a habit of employment-hopping. Then again, most of her work is in academia, so I’m sure I’d go insane as well. One job was of particular interest though.
Back when we lived in Ohio, her first job out of grad school was for some lady who had her own business. Long story short: she tested white/ghetto trash to see if they were eligible for SSI. After her first day, Mrs. kkk stormed into our townhouse and began swearing about her day due to several hillbilly kids she had to test. It didn’t get much better from there. However, the best part came about nine months later when her boss went on a three-week cruise and laid off the half-dozen people in her office. Oddly enough, this little tidbit was never told to the better half during her interview. Her boss said that everyone could collect unemployment for those three weeks while she soaked it up in the sun drinking out of those glasses with the little umbrellas in them. Problem was, Mrs. kkk hadn’t been employed full-time long enough yet to collect anything. This was around the time we decided that she should look for work back in the southwest Pennsylvania region. A few months prior, we decided to leave Ohio for Pennsylvania but we weren’t quite sure when would the best time to pack up – our lease had about six months remaining. Well, it was during this layover when we figured that Mrs. kkk move back in with her parents, look for a full-time job in her field and I would stay in Ohio working until the lease ended. Well, three weeks later, the better half was returning back to her job – only to give her two-week notice to her boss.
Oh, here’s a bonus nugget as to the kind of person this boss was: One time Mrs. kkk stayed home ill at the insistence of said boss. However, when her next paycheck arrived, it was discovered she was docked that day’s pay. When she asked why, the boss said that she took the day off and didn’t work her full eight hours. Shortly thereafter, when the better half worked late for a several-day stretch, the boss gave her hell for leaving early. The reason? She was a salaried employee and she doesn’t “work late.” A salaried employee that gets laid off during vacation time.
8 a.m.
• Now who didn't see this coming?
Guess what word was used next? Yep.
• This kind of story usually sprouts up around election time.
Here's another example of "song misuse" from this year that was noted in the article.
Maybe to the surprise of some, I side with the hippie artists on this one. I feel it’s the musician’s work and they should be allowed to give their permission for a candidate’s use. Now I’m sure there are rules about who actually owns a song’s rights, and if that’s the case then that’s a whole other conversation. But for any Republican to use a John Mellencamp (or some other politically active artist) song and not think there will be repercussions makes me question that candidate’s judgment even more.
Now there is a bit of a twist to Huckabee’s situation seeing how one member of the Band is supporting him, but for most of these situations Republicans just have to deal with playing Toby Keith songs on the campaign trail.
Today’s going to be great fun. The better half’s friend who just squirted out her second kid is going to get it baptized today, and I have to go to the ceremony because Mrs. kkk is the kid’s godmother. I don’t get the whole “god” parents thing – to me it just sounds like an excuse to ask someone to pay for stuff for your newly born crumb snatcher. First the better half had to get this kid a christening gown for the big day, and on the drive home from work yesterday she said that she had to stop by the bank to get a “crisp $50 bill.” Here’s how it went down:
Her: “I need to go to the bank tomorrow morning and get a new, crisp $50 bill for the baptism.”
Me: “Why? Didn’t you buy that dress thing?”
Her: “Yes, but I have to get this, too. Actually, I think you should since I bought the dress.”
Me: “I’m not the kid’s godmother.”
Her: “Well she’s paying for your meal after the baptism.”
Me: “My ‘meal’ is going to be at a buffet, and since when did this kid get a job to pay for dinner? Besides, didn’t you tell me the kid’s rich grandparents (on the father’s side) are paying for this whole thing?”
Her: “I hate you.”
I loathe this whole gift-giving exchange thing. Oh we have to get a gift for these people because they’re getting something for us. Why just not exchange gifts in the first place and call it even? That way there’s no bitching about, “Well the gift I got Suzy was more expensive than what she got me.” And seriously, what’s the point? At my wedding we got $50 from this couple that were getting married several months after us. At their wedding what did we give them? Yep. $50. Personally, I think gifts should be given to people because you want to, not because you have to. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy giving gifts to people, but not because society deems it necessary to do so for every stupid occasion.
Here’s another story: Years ago I bought this game for the PS2 called “Looney Toones: Space Race.” Cute little game. Anyway, whenever my one niece and nephew in-law stop over, that’s one of the first games they like to play. At around May-June of last year I was at the local used CD store and found this game for sale in really good condition. I asked the better half should we get this for them because this game was now out of print. She said “no” because they only play that game at our house. A few months later it was time to get into Christmas shopping gear, and guess what was requested by these two kids? You guessed it. When their mother called the better half to give us an idea for gifts for her two kids, she asked the better half, “Is there any way you get that Looney Toones game you have at your house? That’s all they talk about when they are playing on their Playstation.”
Of course, the problem was that this game was no longer being made, and when I looked on Amazon, I didn’t find any available. A day or so later we went out to the local mall, and surrounding shopping centers, and there was no Space Race to be found. We then stopped in a used CD store (not the one mentioned above) and there we found a copy. Problem was there wasn’t an instruction manual, which turned off the better half. I eventually wore her down and convinced her to get the game, considering we had zero luck finding it elsewhere, and it was worth it to know that we found this game early on in the shopping season.
Well, when Christmas arrived, she was still bitching about the game because of no instruction manual and that since the game was “used” we didn’t spend the exact same amount of money on this niece and nephew than we did on Mrs. kkk’s other nieces. I kept telling her that it didn’t matter because this is what the kids wanted. (Then again, I went out on Black Friday to get her other nieces some gifts, and I asked the better half if she was calculating how much she “spent” on someone with a gift’s retail or sale price? That line of questioning didn’t go over too well.) When we arrived at the brother/sister in-law’s place (it’s a Christmas tradition), and after all the gifts were opened, guess which toy the niece and nephew played with first with the other kids who were also there? Yep. Did they even notice (or care) that there was no instruction manual included with the game? Nope. Was that the only Christmas toy/game they got to chose from? Not even close. Oh, that was quite a fun drive home. Not only did I get to say, “So what was that first game they played with?” 50+ times in a 10-15 drive back home, but I also saved $10+ for buying the game used. (Sorry, I couldn’t pass that one up.)
Oh, and for the record, we are each going in on half for the $50 baptism gift.
Well today was fun. Like I said yesterday, I am dealing with a cold. It’s nothing major – just a 100-101 fever – but when you’re going into work for nine hours, it feels much worse. On the bright side of things, I was the only one in the building today. After I coughed on a few keyboards and licked several computer screens that belonged to my co-workers, I went about doing the job thing. That was at 11 a.m. Fast forward to 8:15 p.m. I did what I wanted to do. Got to pimp in my sweatpants, scratch the stubble on my unshaven face and listen to music that is normally inappropriate for the workplace. So far so good. Then I started the commute home.
My usual workday schedule is 6:30 a.m. – 3 p.m., and this is because most days I am able to avoid rush-hour traffic. Sure there can be some minor backups, but nothing like the way it is at 9 a.m. or 5 p.m. Normally it would only take me 45 minutes one way during a normal workday, but since the better half and I carpool this extended trip usually eats up another 15 minutes. No biggie. After all, we’re saving on gas, parking (Mrs. kkk would otherwise have to park in the city with one of the highest, if not the highest, parking tax in the country) and general wear and tear on two automobiles; seeing how one of our cars is an ’88 Corsica with 140,000+ miles, let’s just say that “Crappy the White Car” (what my 9-year-old nephew-in-law calls our secondary vehicle) has survived well past his normal expiration date. Now one of the plusses of working weekends is that there is virtually no traffic and I oftentimes can get to work in just 30 minutes on these special occasions.
I think you know where I’m going with this here entry.
I got into the car and started my journey home. The first leg of my commute went fine. I got on and off the Parkway West and headed onto the second leg of the trip, which is the Parkway East. Now if traffic is REALLY backed up on this disaster of a road, I am able to get off at a Shittsburgh exit, drive through the city and end up on Rt. 30, which is the final major road on my adventure home. Sure it takes a little longer, but it’s still more efficient than sitting in gridlock on this interstate highway. Well tonight, right after I passed this exit, which is like my “last chance stop” from taking the Parkway East I saw all those rear red lights.
Oh, fuck.
Whenever I run into gridlock I sometimes like to look at the clock and time how much time I spent in the traffic jam. The time was 8:23 p.m. As I sat in this traffic I began wondering what was going on: Was there an accident? Did some major social event just conclude? Wait a second, this is Shittsburgh. OK, where is the accident? As I took out “The History of the Clash, Disc 2” from the CD player I suddenly had the local RIGHT-WING RADIO station on, and there was a live broadcast of the Shitt v. Rutgers college football game. Christ, I forgot that this game was an evening contest. Wait a second, it was early in the fourth quarter and Pitt was driving for a touchdown; no way this traffic from that game. And there go two police cars with their lights on. SHIT! A few miles pass and still now sign of an accident. Hell, I don’t even see the flashing lights in the distance. I was hoping the accident took place at a merge point that’s right next to the Squirrel Hill Tunnels. I can pass the scene, view the carnage and shoot through the tunnels. I used to not look at accident scenes, but now I figure if I have to be stuck in traffic for an unspecified period of time then I get a free glance at what was delaying my ride home. Uh-oh. The yellow caution lights are flashing right before the tunnels, and there is still no accident, or flashing lights, in sight.
It is now 8:50 p.m. and I’m in the middle of tunnels. Oh please don’t let a car in front of me break down. You know what pisses me off about automobile accidents? You don’t know who to get pissed off at. In most accidents there’s usually an asshole that caused the accident and then the victim that has his or her car totaled. I’m not going to blame that person, but I so want to throw a piece of chewing gum at or give the middle finger to the NASCAR driver wanna-be who thought a two lane road was actually the Talageda Speedway. I think there should be a law that if you recklessly drive and cause an accident, then you owe everyone who was stuck in your mess a full tank of gasoline. Well I’m now out of the tunnels, and my greatest fear was revealed. The flashing lights are another mile or two down the road at this other exit that has a dangerous merge point. But a funny thing happened on my way to the flashing lights – there was no accident. Or at least there was no accident in view. But I did notice that the Swissvale exit, which is right before that aforementioned merge point, was experiencing a backup of monumental proportions. So there was no accident on the Parkway and the backup I’ve been experiencing for the 40+ minutes was because of this?! You got to be shitting me. Once I got past this exit there was NO TRAFFIC ON THE ROAD. Where the fuck did all these cars that were in front of me wind up going? You know, when you live near a shit-town one of the perks is that there shouldn’t be these kinds of traffic stoppages. Oh, and the Panthers lost. Was there any doubt? You can’t play the freakin’ Citadel every week.
Anyway, once I got off the Parkway it was 9:10 p.m. – my commute home so far has reached 55 minutes, and I still had to go onto Rt. 30. Who knows what excitement lurks here? Surprisingly, this leg of my trip wasn’t too bad. However, that was because I was mostly in the left-hand lane for the whole time. There’s this one stretch of road that for some reason cars just break down at, and this is not a good spot to break down. Now it’s dark out and the speed limit is 45 mph, which means most everyone is going at least 15 mph above that. I noticed the broken down car in the righ-hand lane, and then I noticed a car behind me swerving into the left lane to avoid it, almost hitting another vehicle in the process. And the best part was there were no flares. Nobody trying to warn other motorists. Just a car with blinking lights. I thanked my lucky stars I was leaving this soon-to-be accident scene. Oddly enough, a few miles down the road I saw a police car and ambulance speed by me going toward where that broken-down car was located.
I finally got home at 9:30 p.m. What was normally a 40-to-45-minute drive at this time of night took twice as long to complete. Oh well, at least I didn’t have to get off at that Swissvale exit. I'm still pondering whether to return to the office tomorrow. At least the Steelers are playing at Atlanta Sunday.
OK, time for another chapter from the in-law family book of tales. For those that don’t know by now, my sister-in-law is a crack whore. Now it was recently reported that her oldest daughter, now 19, is a crack-whore-in-training. But she’s starting out slow and is going to rehab for a problem with painkillers. The better half has said that the niece’s symptoms resemble those of a heroin user, but what does she know other than the fact she already went through this once with the matriarch of this crack-whore tag team. Well, my niece-in-law will be headed off to the rehab place on January 1, but in the meantime she has decided to take up a full-time job that pays $14.75/HOUR PLUS COMMISSION. She’s going to be such a success at this endeavor that she said she is quitting her part-time pizza-making job that she never shows up for in order to focus all her energies on this new job until she goes to the clinic. And just what is this dream job? Selling knives for Vector Marketing and Cutco cutlery products. LOL.
Now after reading some of the above article, you might say, “But kkk, maybe your niece-in-law would like the sales industry. Maybe she has what it takes to succeed. Maybe she’ll like working hard to earn an honest day’s pay. Maybe she could work real hard and climb up that corporate ladder." Yeah. That’s why she’s been sleeping all day after her trip to the methadone clinic today. And whle I'm on a somewhat related subject, the kkk household received a Christmas card yesterday from my welfare receiving aunt-in-law. Of course, the postage was due on the damn thing. For those that forgot, this is the aunt-in-law I’m talking about.
7 p.m.
• I have been staying away from cable news shows, even the ones that make us LOL in 2007. However, last night I figured what the heck and turned on Hannity/Colmes because I wasn’t I the mood to watch basketball. The topic being batted around dealt with the whole “clean black” remark by Senator Joe Biden. Oh Christ. They had two chick pollsters/consultants/whatever: one for the Dems, one for the Reps. The Republican chick began bitching about how NOBODY’S talking about Biden and instead saying John McCain is too old to become president. The fuck? Then the other chick began talking about her Party has a black, a Mexican and a chick gunning for the Democrat nomination and how this WAS THE MOST DIVERSE PRESIDENTIAL FIELD EVER!!!!
I went back to watching basketball.
10:15 a.m.
• OMG THE CULTURE OF CORRUPTION ISN'T LOOKING OUT FOR OUR CHILDREN! found it interesting in which paragraph the Associated Press decided to reveal the accused's political party affiliation. Here's a hint on where to look: there's a reason I had to copy and paste the entire article.
9:30 a.m.
• First Democrats wanted to bring back the military draft. Now one from Ohio wants to draft poll workers for elections.
So "occasionally working the polls would be a mandatory part of a registered voter's life." Yeah, that'll encourage people to register to vote. Then again, more Democrats would probably object to doing this -- this idea might not be so bad after all, but I digress. Here's the best part.
So you are going to force people who don't want to work at a polling station to do all this complex shit? Yeah, there will be no mistakes made. No voters disenfranchised.
Honestly, I don't know what's dumber: drafting poll workers or having a Poll Worker Appreciation Day. We already have a Poll Worker Appreciation Day every month when Social Security checks get mailed out.
8:45 a.m.
• I just heard on an Atlanta-based RIGHT-WING RADIO station that the Atlanta Hawks just had their first winning month in nearly three years. Damn.
4 p.m.
• One of the bigger surprises this NFL off-season, according to the “experts” at ESPN is the Steelers cutting linebacker Joey Porter.
I was a bit taken back by this, too, although for a different reason. I knew Porter wasn’t going to be a Steeler for long, but I thought he’d finish the final year of his contract with the Steelers not resigning him for the 2008-09 season. Oh well, a new coach arrived so that means clean house, which isn’t a bad idea. Take it from me. Anytime you get into a position of authority, the first thing you should do, if you have the chance, if fire your predecessor’s secretary/assistant/etc. The reason for this is that no matter what you try to do to change your job/department in order to make it more efficient or perform better, you will be fought tooth and nail because “that’s not the way *insert predecessor’s name* did it,” and if you have nutless upper management, you are going to be in a world of hurt. Porter was an emotional guy and I’m sure the potential for trouble was a thought for the new Steeler coach Mike Tomlin, so I don’t blame him for wanting the cleanest slate possible when taking over a team that has had two head coaches since the late 1960s.
• I’ve told my Madeline story before at TSM, but this article brought back memories of my employment at the theater, which also happened to be a member of the National Amusements family.
One afternoon I was working the afternoon cashier shift. I think it was a holiday of some sort (Memorial Day if I had to guess), and this usually means the early afternoon shows would be overrun with children. However, I was working the cashier position, so my dealing with juveniles was kept to a minimum. I could tell though that there were a lot of kids, and many of them were to see this Madeline movie. If you don’t know who Madeline is, it’s a set of books about some girl who lives at a finishing school (the movie had her as an orphan) and gets into all these wacky adventures with the other children. I’ve never heard of this character, but I guess it was popular among certain sects of kids, so who am I to judge. Anyway, I noticed that there were quite a number of children dressed up as characters from the books...
...and I even saw some camera flashes going off. Everything seemed normal enough, but when I ventured out into the lobby for my 2 p.m. break I knew something was wrong because my co-workers had a “I can’t believe what just happened” look on all of their faces. I approached one and asked what happened. Turns out our manager had accidentally played the wrong reel of film in one of our theaters.
Let me elaborate a bit. Many times at my former place of employment we would show two movies in a theater during the course of a day. Generally, if we had a movie that was geared specifically toward kids (Air Bud, Mr. Magoo, etc.) they would be played for the 1 p.m., 3 p.m. and 5 p.m. shows, while the evening times would feature a more adult-oriented film. Well, the auditorium playing Madeline was one such example. Madeline was to be shown for the afternoon times with another movie for the 7 p.m., 9 p.m. and 11 p.m. times. Turns out our manager inserted a reel for the evening film rather than the Madeline reel. And just what did an auditorium full of children watch for the first 5-10 minutes?
Yep.
According to the one usher, a man came out of the Madeline theater and said “Is someone supposed to be peeing in Madeline?” (I haven’t seen the first part of Baseketball, so I’m not sure if this is indeed what happens in the opening of this movie. Nevertheless, that's what I was told.) And, if memory serves, that showing of Madeline was a near-to-complete sell-out. Nice.
9:45 p.m.
• I just turned off the Nets/Raptors game. New Jersey is up by THIRTY POINTS?! I'm sure there's a "that's only 12 points after the Canadian exchange rate" joke to be made, but damn. I guess Toronto didn't want to play past April.
4:29 p.m.
• So I just spent the afternoon playing f’n Bingo with the better half at her church. The mother in-law was going to attend but couldn’t due to visitation with her granddaughter, so guess who was the lucky duck that got to take her place? Yep. Out of approximately 100 people in attendance looking for B-15s and O-72s, there were only three males in attendance, and I was one of them. In addition, I’m quite certain there was only one person there younger than me and Mrs. kkk. Boy do old people love their Bingo. Not only Bingo, but all the little gambling games that take place at one of these events: raffles, scratch-off games, SUPER SPECIAL BINGO CARDS for when games like “Crazy T” and “Fill the Card” are needed when the usual Bingo games aren’t enough to satisfy your fix. When I came into this place there was a poster showing all the ways to win at the regular Bingo games. You had the five across, down and diagonal. OK. Then there was “postage stamp,” where you had to get the top four numbers on upper right-hand side of your card. Big star, little star, four outer corner, four inner corners. Christ, how am I supposed to remember all this shit? And one of the house rules was that you had to call Bingo before the next number was called or else it’s null and void. Then you had the old ladies sitting around you going, “What did he say?” after every other number was called. No wonder telemarketers go after these easy targets.
After leaving winless we headed over to the local gas station to get mulch. I mention this because last year the better half was doing some landscaping around the house, and she told me to go and get a dozen or so bags of mulch. I asked what kind she wanted. Her response: “Get whatever.” So I did. I got this black mulch. I guess “whatever” means “anything other than black.” When I brought these bags home the following conversation took place.
Her: “What’s this?”
Me: “Mulch.”
Her: “It’s black.”
Me: “And?”
Her: “Well I didn’t want black.”
Me: “You said ‘get whatever.’”
Her: “But we don’t use black mulch.”
Me: “We do now.”
A funny thing happened when we used this black mulch. It actually turned out pretty darn good. So good in fact, that the mother in-law used the same color that year for her flowerbed. When we went out to get mulch today, the better half complained because the mulch available at the gas station was either in red or brown color. Because of this she dropped me off at home and headed to Home Depot to buy mulch that’s 83 cents more expensive per bag than the Quickie Mart mulch. But guess what color mulch Mrs. kkk is paying more money to get? Yep.
10 p.m.
• You know, sometimes when you work for idiots you really want to get the hell out of there. However, there’s something that keeps me from really looking for another job. That reason? Because this place is awesome – in a trainwreck sort of way. Our Marketing Director, which is a fancy way to say “head insurance salesman,” gets boned at every turn at this place and today may have been the final straw. Long story short. Late last month he attended this public event to meet and greet/press the flesh/do that sales stuff which keeps the wheels of commerce spinning. And yesterday he turned in his expense report. Today he got called up and got scolded for a $600 tab. He was gone for three days in Michigan. All he put down was the daily per diem and mileage. He didn’t add anything for food, tolls or other expenses, like, say the RENTAL CAR he got because his two vehicles were in the shop. Here’s how it broke down:
Hotel: More than $100 per night for three nights.
Mileage. Just under $300 round-trip from Shittsburgh to Michigan.
Oh, and this is the first time after more than two years on the job that he turned in a per diem expense. (He didn't even know he was allowed to turn in a per diem for events like this until earlier this year when he told the one idiot that he couldn't afford to keep going to these out-of-state events. That's when the idiot said, "You can put your hotel costs on an expense report." This is the same idiot that gave my co-worker his orientation at this place; I would have thought per diems would have been mentioned when my poor co-worker is "encouraged" to travel as often as possible.) Did I mention he has a "Marketing Budget" of $5,000 that he hasn't been allowed to spend at all this year? After this confrontation, my partner in crime began the day’s job search and had an interview at 3:15 p.m. with a place that knows in 2006 my co-worker did more businesses than the top four producers at the next busiest organization in our field. If he leaves within the next few days I’m going to have a grand ol’ time at work, especially since that will mean my idiot bosses will be too pre-occupied trying to play damage control when my co-worker sends out correspondence describing exactly why he left, which means I’ll be left alone even more than usual. Good times, I say.
• Even though the Smues household may be paying more than he would like for car insurance on a 2000 Ford Ranger that has been driven 115,000+ miles, it could have been worse. The future Mrs. Smues could have had a guy with a penis pendant sell her the car.
• Oh good lord.
9 p.m.
• Movie spoilers ahead – you’ve been warned so don’t bitch.
So I was flipping through the channels today and came across the conclusion of one of the worst movies I ever spent more than five minutes watching: Mr. Magoo. Holy Christ was this one piece of shit, and the sad thing is when this appeared in the theaters it actually SOLD OUT several times during my stint as a cinema employee. Later on I caught the tail end of Sniper. It was OK for what it was – I’ve seen worse. Much worse. This prompted me to keep the television on Spike in order to watch Sniper 2, which was on afterward. Of course, the ADD in me flipped channels after they shot some guy. OK, so I lied – I was also watching the Cubs/Dodgers game and FAUX News Watchlol2007. They may have explained this at the start of Sniper 2 when Tom Berenger was leading some rednecks on a deer-hunting expedition, but I would have missed the dialogue: how did they explain Tom being able to fire a gun when his trigger finger got lopped off in the previous movie?
• Lindsay Lohan got drunk and wrecked her car, allegedly. I'm not going to link the story because I don't care. However, what I will post is the picture used in the article.
Do we have a match?
7:30 p.m.
• So Vanhalen shot me over a MSN Message earlier today. Now normally when I hear from him I try to get away as fast as I can. (Just kidding, Vanhalen. It’s that the better half always wants me to take out the trash or feed the cats right when you type “Hey man, how’s it going?”) But today I looked at the Web site he directed me to. Even though I never owned a NES, I have to say this was entertaining for the most part. My favorite part was the “Christmas” game reviews, particularly the second video talking about “Bible Buffet.” You know, for a company making CHRISTIAN games, they were ripping off quite a few other titles. Noah’s Ark 3D was my favorite of the lot.
2 p.m.
• For Ramones fans with OnDemand, if you head over to TV Entertainment/VH1/VH1 Classic, there’s a documentary about the group. They even include an “Up All Night” bit they did with Gilbert Gottfried. I don’t care what the haters say, that little Jew cracks me up.
• Why am I posting this?
So I can get to this.
I bet he did. Hey, if I can make fun of (alleged) child molesters in the Catholic church, I can here, too.
11:15 p.m.
• As a follow-up to yesterday's entry about the pseudo-kkk. Here's a PM exchange from a mod from late last night. I'm sure you can figure out who is who:
They say the best comedy has a hint of truth to it.
6:15 p.m.
• Actually, this isn't too bad an idea. At least it'll be easy to spell.
For some reason, whenever I type out the name "Chris" I add a "t" at the end. If I was a Chinese resident and had two kids, I'd name them "Ping" and "Pong." And when they misbehave, I would spank them with a paddle.
12:45 p.m.
• Wow, a few blog entries have been looking back over the past year or so. I might as well do the same – for the past three hours.
I’m at lunch during my hippie meeting. Of course, one dipshit makes some lame-ass attempt to make it appear that I don’t do my job and I completely blow him out of the fucking water. Basically, I was accused of not doing something. The problem is I need to first be told by someone higher up on the food chain to do it. Several people that I’m cool with shook my hand during the mid-morning break for putting this asshole back in his place. Not sure if I’ll have a Monday morning meeting about it though.
Regarding Smues and his hatred of airlines. The last time I was a passenger on an airplane was 10 years go this summer. I hate flying. I’m not “afraid” but I think part of my distaste comes from not being able to think you’re in control. For example, if you’re driving and a big rig comes at you, there’s some chance you could escape. When your jet is nose-diving several thousand feet toward the earth, there’s really nothing much you can do about it. Anyway, back to my story. I was going to California to visit my half-brother and I had an aisle seat with this mom and four brats: One kid was next to her on a window seat and the other three were in the row behind us. Of course they were out of control and I had to get up a bunch of times for her to take her kids to the bathroom. Whatever. However, on this Shittsburgh-to-LA flight, we passed over the Grand Canyon. As I tried to sneak a peek at this hole in the ground, the mom and kid had their heads up to the window with nowhere for me to look. After the plane passed, the mom looked at me and suddenly acted all shocked that they didn’t give me a chance to view the sight. “Billie, sit back so the man can see.” Nice try but way too late seeing how the canyon was out of view. Oh well, the next time she turned around to control her kids behind us I just took up all of the arm rest (we had been sharing the whole flight) and when she turned back around to sit down she had to lean toward her kid for the duration of the tip.
Oh, yeah. There were these Indians in front of us (dot-heads, not tomahawks) who were a pain in the ass the whole time to the stewardesses and gay male attendants. The highlight came when they ordered a veggie meal but didn’t actually order it pre-flight, which is what you were supposed to do. That must have sucked for the flight attendants when they went to the passengers who actually ordered these special meals and realized their mistake.
Lunchtime is almost over. Back to sitting and going over my MVP baseball rosters for another few hours.
11 p.m.
• Wonder if this will be on their Vh1 show?
Looks like the tree no-sold the crash. I don't care about tasteless jokes -- the kid was speeding. I'm just glad no bystanders were affected by Nick's act of stupidity (or his friend's; the article didn't say who was driving).
7 p.m.
• Well the better half and I had yet another epic debate last night. Yesterday we went to my niece-in-law’s residence for her 11th birthday party. For those keeping score at home, this is the daughter of my crack-whore sister-in-law and little sister of my out-of-control niece-in-law. Thankfully, this one lives with her dad and step-mom in a relatively normal environment. This was the first time Mrs. kkk and I had ever been over this house, and when we got there we sat on the deck with a few other people. I had a rare bout with car sickness on the way over, so I was feeling a bit queezy. I figured getting up and eating some food would be the cure, and I was right. The hostess was asking everyone if they wanted nachos, and I agreed to pass out the food. I went into their kitchen, grabbed a few nacho trays and handed them out to everybody. About 30 minutes later I went back into the kitchen, which is located right next to the deck, to get a second helping because I hadn’t had nachos in a long time and they were so f’n good. About an hour or so later, a bunch of us went into the kitchen to sing “happy b’day” to the birthday girl, and I stay in the kitchen to eat my ice cream cake because of the heat and humidity that was outside. On top of that, there were about a dozen kids around taking up space (they had been swimming for most of the time so now deck space was at a premium), so I figured staying indoors would ease the congestion. Besides, they had central air.
On the way home, we were talking about a number of things, and then the better half said the following: “I was uncomfortable with you going into a house we had never been at before.”
Que?
Oh I had a field day with this. First off, it’s not like I kicked open the door, checked out all the bedrooms and took a dump in the main bathroom with the door open. Besides, the door to the deck/kitchen was OPEN. There was FOOD. I must be an odd host, because I’d actually want people to do things like getting up from their chairs to go over and get food to eat. You know, it’s not even worth it to go into any more detail over this. The oven’s pre-heat timer just rang and now it’s time to put in the fishsticks.
All in all, it was a good enough day. The niece-in-law had the happiest reaction from the present Aunt Better Half and Uncle kkk got her, and considering Mrs. kkk actually keeps track of present reactions, I guess that was a good thing. Yes, she bitches when the presents she we get one of her nieces or nephews doesn’t get the happiest reaction at the party. I’m sure I’ll go into more detail about this sometime down the road.
Because my overall cumulative record was near .500 before this week’s of games took place, I knew I was in for some trouble. Before even looking at this particular slate of games, I had a bad feeling about this.
Baltimore at Cincinnati (3.5). Incorrect.
I felt the Bengals would be the more desperate of the two teams, but I still went with the Ravens. For what reason I don’t know. Should have went with my first thought.
Arizona at St. Louis (6.5). Correct.
Not only did the Cardinals win, but they won by two touchdowns. Shouldn’t I get a bonus point or something?
Atlanta at Washington (1.5). Incorrect.
Could the Falcons be righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason? Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is they screwed me this week.
(4.5) Dallas at N.Y. Giants. Incorrect.
Well the Cowboys won but they didn’t cover the spread. Sure it was a divisional game, but it doesn’t do me any good.
Detroit at New England (13.5). Incorrect.
I called picking New England a “steal” this week. Not only did they fail to cover, but also they almost outright lost. To Detroit. Ugh.
(7.5) Indianapolis at Tennessee. Incorrect.
Not only did the Colts fail to cover, but also they outright lost. To Tennessee. Ugh. Well, the Titans are playing better as the season has gone on. But still.
Jacksonville at Miami (2.5). Incorrect.
Looks like the Jaguars are righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason.
(5.5) Kansas City at Cleveland. Incorrect.
Oh for Christ’s sake, this is getting ridiculous. Don’t any of these playoff bubble teams that I pick want to continue their season past Week 17?
Minnesota at Chicago (9.5). Incorrect.
Having watched this game, the Vikings did not deserve to get this win. And by “win” I mean not lose by double digits.
(1.5) N.Y. Jets at Green Bay. Correct.
Yay. I got one right.
(5.5) San Diego at Buffalo. Incorrect.
Sure it wasn’t an impressive win, but it’s victories like this that can determine whether a team is playing at home in the conference championship game rather than going on the road.
San Francisco at New Orleans (7.5). Correct.
And here I was actually worried about the point spread to this game.
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (7.5). Correct.
I thought the Steelers would probably win, but I was hoping for the Buccaneers to keep it close. I was wrong. I sense a trend.
Houston at Oakland (3.5). Correct.
Oakland? Favored? I need as many gimmies as possible this week.
Seattle at Denver (3.5). Correct.
Didn’t watch this game. Have no idea what took place. Seahawks won. That’s all I care about.
(3.5) Carolina at Philadelphia. Incorrect.
Not only did the Eagles win, but also they have a shot at making the playoffs. I’m not saying this will happen, but I’d love to see what the Philadelphia region would do should Jeff Garcia take the Eagles on a magical playoff run that resulted in a Super Bowl win. All with Donovan McNabb watching from the sideline.
This week’s record: 6-10
Cumulative record: 93-99
Drat. And I was so close to mediocrity.
8 p.m.
• God I love Drudge. Where else can you find hard-hitting journalism like this?
• So I heard a little while ago that some hippie zookeeper in Denver got killed by a jag -- the animal, not the car. OMG a WILD ANIMAL would KILL a HUMAN? Shocking. But wait, it gets DEEPER!
There are so many jokes in the five paragraphs above that I don't know where to begin. My favorite, though, is the headline to this story: Killer Jaguar Had Mean Twin Named Osama
"Killer" Jaguar. What do you think a Jaguar is -- a pacifist?
2:30 p.m.
• The Oscars were last night? No shit. Martin Scorsese finally won. Uh, yay, and stuff. Al Gore won for his Global Warming shit-fest? Wow, I'm surprised. With him and the Dixie Terrorists both winners in '06 I'm stunned, simply stunned. Good thing Al did air his documentary 30 years ago, or the intellectual elites hell-bent on ridding the world of global cooling would have laughed at him.
• LOL -- forever stamps? Too bad enough smart people will buy these things in bulk and wait until the price of postage really spikes.
This got a laugh out of me.
Yeah, and your union costs have nothing to do with your bloated expense reports. I used to defend the post office a number of times, but ever since I had to start dealing with them more often my tolerance has grown less and less. My highlight came when I got a piece of postage returned because they couldn't determine whether an address number was a "5" or "6." OK, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt: you couldn't tell the difference (even though you can). However, there was also another 5 and 6 on this package, and just by taking five seconds out of your busy schedule, you could have found out. Also, you could always have checked to see the residence of each address and find out which name went with each address.
4:15 p.m.
• Well I just had the shortest pre-screening interview of my life.
“Do you know Photoshop?”
“Yes.
“Do you know Illustrator?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know Quark?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know how much pay this job offers?”
“Yes.”
We’ll be holding interviews shortly.”
“Uh, OK.’
I knew I should have said “No” for that third question. Damnit.
• Do it, for the CHILDREN! I remember back in the mid-90s when Republicans acted like they cared about limited government, liberals threw a shitfit because a reduction in increased spending on ANY government program would hurt, even kill, “the children.” I love it when “the children” card is played.
How about we just call “outer space” any place outside of the United States?
• I thought you put your kid in private school to get away from this kind of hippie shit. At least I now know where Smitty teaches.
• Yeah, let’s wait a year and see how these two act next to each other.
