8 p.m.
• For those that care, the mail issue has been resolved. When I called the post office on Friday, I actually spoke to the chick that delivered mail on my street. Basically, she said that she couldn’t find my mailbox and though that rusted out piece of shit was indeed my mailbox. When I mentioned my neighbor who needs to get his mail at his doorstep, she said, “Oh I knew about that,” to which my response was, “then why was his mail with mine in the wrong mailbox. Silence. Oh, and that rusted mailbox is now hanging by a thread from its post.
• Here’s an update on the sterile Mexican family. Despite having the income of a part-time janitor, and the expenses of two test-tube kids, this household purchased a house, a new car and luxury items like a projection television. Did I mention they claimed bankruptcy a few years back due to maxed out credit cards? Well last night we discovered that – surprise – they are at least three months back on their mortgage payments with a house they bought less than 15 months ago. Whenever I hear welfare-reform opponents whine about how cruel we are to our nation’s poor, I get the urge to laugh until I cry.
• I hope there aren’t any great expectations for this place. LOL2007~!
If you dont' get the joke, go read a book. Then again, I don't read any of this hippie shit either.
1 p.m.
• So as I was driving to work this morning I heard on the radio some story about this local college athlete getting arrested due to a domestic dispute. I can’t tell you who the athlete was or what sport he played. All I can tell you is that the fight started over a set of car keys. Oh, and the chick saying that the “violence started after she hit him in the chest.” Uh, no, bitch – the violence started WHEN you hit that guy in the chest. I don’t advocate violence on females (unless, of course, they are really deserving of it, like when they don't have your dinner ready when you home from work), but when you bitches strike us first it should be on like Donkey Kong.
Ah, here's the story.
If all this is true, I wouldn't punish Benjamin outside of the normal criminal conduct code for two people fighting in public. A college basketball player for a Division 1A program and all she got was a bleeding knee along with a few scratches and bruises. I think she got off rather lucky. The only thing I'd fault Benjamin for is poor choice in women, but then again the article says "former girlfriend."
11:15 p.m.
• As a follow-up to yesterday's entry about the pseudo-kkk. Here's a PM exchange from a mod from late last night. I'm sure you can figure out who is who:
They say the best comedy has a hint of truth to it.
6:15 p.m.
• Actually, this isn't too bad an idea. At least it'll be easy to spell.
For some reason, whenever I type out the name "Chris" I add a "t" at the end. If I was a Chinese resident and had two kids, I'd name them "Ping" and "Pong." And when they misbehave, I would spank them with a paddle.
12:45 p.m.
• Wow, a few blog entries have been looking back over the past year or so. I might as well do the same – for the past three hours.
I’m at lunch during my hippie meeting. Of course, one dipshit makes some lame-ass attempt to make it appear that I don’t do my job and I completely blow him out of the fucking water. Basically, I was accused of not doing something. The problem is I need to first be told by someone higher up on the food chain to do it. Several people that I’m cool with shook my hand during the mid-morning break for putting this asshole back in his place. Not sure if I’ll have a Monday morning meeting about it though.
Regarding Smues and his hatred of airlines. The last time I was a passenger on an airplane was 10 years go this summer. I hate flying. I’m not “afraid” but I think part of my distaste comes from not being able to think you’re in control. For example, if you’re driving and a big rig comes at you, there’s some chance you could escape. When your jet is nose-diving several thousand feet toward the earth, there’s really nothing much you can do about it. Anyway, back to my story. I was going to California to visit my half-brother and I had an aisle seat with this mom and four brats: One kid was next to her on a window seat and the other three were in the row behind us. Of course they were out of control and I had to get up a bunch of times for her to take her kids to the bathroom. Whatever. However, on this Shittsburgh-to-LA flight, we passed over the Grand Canyon. As I tried to sneak a peek at this hole in the ground, the mom and kid had their heads up to the window with nowhere for me to look. After the plane passed, the mom looked at me and suddenly acted all shocked that they didn’t give me a chance to view the sight. “Billie, sit back so the man can see.” Nice try but way too late seeing how the canyon was out of view. Oh well, the next time she turned around to control her kids behind us I just took up all of the arm rest (we had been sharing the whole flight) and when she turned back around to sit down she had to lean toward her kid for the duration of the tip.
Oh, yeah. There were these Indians in front of us (dot-heads, not tomahawks) who were a pain in the ass the whole time to the stewardesses and gay male attendants. The highlight came when they ordered a veggie meal but didn’t actually order it pre-flight, which is what you were supposed to do. That must have sucked for the flight attendants when they went to the passengers who actually ordered these special meals and realized their mistake.
Lunchtime is almost over. Back to sitting and going over my MVP baseball rosters for another few hours.
Well I had a Seinfeld moment yesterday. The better half and I decided to take our separate bank accounts and merge them into one. When we went to her bank to close out her account, and withdraw the whopping $1.50 from her savings account (OK, she also had her most recent paycheck in there, too), we approached this bank teller who looked to be in her early 20s. As this relatively thin woman nervously typed in some numbers on her computer, one thing above all else stuck out at me. She had Man Hands. God damn were they Man Hands. How these sausages managed to push down only one key at a time were beyond me. The reason I noticed these Man Hands was because we were at her station for at least 10-15 minutes. The reason? She didn’t know the first thing about closing an account and had the old “Customer Service Representative in headlights” look. I’m not complaining, mind you, because this “headlights” feeling is one of the worst things anyone can experience, outside of unsuccessfully trapping a soccer ball with your inner thigh without wearing a jock strap. It’s funny when I hear some people who have never worked a customer-service job in their life complain when a cashier took longer than four seconds to give out proper change. Look, I know there are dipshits out there ringing registers, but not every cashier is a high school dropout who can’t perform basic match. My theory as to how normally bright people can suddenly clam up in situations like this isn’t because they can’t do the job, it’s that they aren’t used to be put on the spot like this. It’s like having to perform improv in front of an audience, and many people, especially if they’re new to something, just aren’t cut out for that sort of thing.
Believe me, I know this feeling. There’s nothing like thinking you can answer just about anything a customer asks you, and then getting thrown for a loop with the first customer of the day who asks you something. The only way to deal with these types of experiences is to live through them. For me the most aggravating of these situations is when you are giving a customer change and they throw the old “here’s a few extra dollars, now give me a $10 bill instead of $5 and three $1s. Like I said before, the actual math of this equation is simple enough, but when you’re into hour seven of your shift, have four other people waiting in line, and have another customer asking you a question about something else, it’s easy to get flustered. And when you pause for a few seconds to get an idea of what’s going on, the spotlight suddenly shines brighter on you, and your every action and reaction is being judged by a bunch of people who think you’re not worthy of earning your $6/hour wage. For the record, my way of dealing with this is to not let the customer’s “extra $2” get anywhere near the $8 in change I was about to give him. Once that transaction was complete, I would then take the $10 in loose bills, put it in my register, and give out a $10 bill. Simple, effective and foolproof. And the only way I learned this was by trial and error, and then even more error.
Back to the bank. So when this teller looked around for someone to help her out with a procedure she probably never had to do, and was only trained on for a few minutes when she started this job, what did I do? I stepped aside and worked on something else, trying to make her uncomfortable situation a little more bearable. I don’t know if it helped any, but it had to have been better than if I were to stand over her and impatiently tap my fingers on her counter.
Most of the time I can’t stand the media, but I don’t know which is worse: national or local press. You’ve got the national media that never leaves their news offices in New York City or Washington, D.C., and thinks that anyone who doesn’t live in these two regions is in flyover country. Then again, you’ve got the other side of the coin with local media and the stupid stories that appear at roughly the same every year. On the commute home this afternoon I was listening to a local top-of-the-hour newscast, and one of the top stories was about people in the southwestern Pennsylvania area seeing the first snowflakes of the season. Christ almighty, these so-called reporters were even asking these people what the snowflakes looked like. They looked like snow you assholes. But this isn’t as bad as whenever the price of gasoline rises and these on-the-scene reporters ask people filling up their SUVs how they feel about the sudden jump in gas prices. What the fuck do you expect to get? “You know, I was thinking just the other day that I wasn’t paying enough for my 93 Premium.” Of course you’re going to get a bunch of nimrods going, “RAAAAR I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE RAAAAR!” Another favorite “story” is whenever the local cable company raises rates and the newscasters act like this is some breaking story. “OMG HOLD ON TO YOUR WALLETS CABLE PRICES ARE GOING UP BY 10 PERCENT!!” Christ, it’s only a few dollars; it’s not that big a deal, and if it is then your household has other problems and shouldn’t even be ordering cable in the first place. Put down the food stamps and use your cable money for something else.
Whenever I was in college, a similar event took place every spring when the cost of tuition for the next school year would increase. Yeah, like this ever came as a surprise; the real story would be if tuition went DOWN for one year. This reminds me of a story back during my school newspaper days when there was this announced tuition increase that also included another provision that basically eliminated subsidies for students who were not commuter students but didn’t live in the dorms. Basically these freeloaders were taking financial aid just for living in apartments in the city, but with the shitty dorms in the college I attended for two-and-a-half years who could blame any of these kids? Then again, with the school’s dorms always only one-half to three-fourths full, why should this college be giving money to students to live elsewhere? Shit, after I stopped to read what this new policy was, I actually gained a little bit of respect for the college’s administration for cutting off the moochers. Shit, the dorm vacancies were so bad our college was accepting students from the area’s one culinary school to live in the dorms. It was funny seeing these poor students, who would spend all day in hell’s kitchen, bitch to one another about having to go back into their stuffy, dilapidated dorm rooms. Well anyway, our school paper did an article about this new policy, which was basically a re-write of an article some real reporter in a real newspaper room wrote the week before. Of course, when it came time to write our newspaper’s editorial on the matter, it was funny to see the reaction some of our profs had when our opinion didn’t favor the students. I think part of our anti-student opinion stemmed from the fact most of us who wrote the piece were commuter students and didn’t give a fuck about some freeloader getting a subsidy to live away from the dorms when there was more than enough space for them to get their ass in one of these rooms. Hey, that’s part of that whole “college experience” I missed out on because I lived with mommy and worked 40+ hours per week.
...
Where the hell was I going with this?
A few days ago I was goofing on some commie faggot going up against this GOP Congresschick. This guy was running ads on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO station in the Shittsburgh market, and I was making fun of him for the waste of advertising money he spent that probably riled up the conservative listeners who heard, “Commie Faggot wants to INCREASE the minimum wage.” Well, the Congresschick just had a gem of an ad played on the radio, and I just have to share this one, too. This chick is a Republican and she’s doing the “I’m going to distance myself from W. and try to appeal to the namby pamby pussy moderates in my district” route. A few ads I’ve heard from her talk about hippie shit like that godawful prescription drug plan that has recently been enacted. Well, while pimping this crap, the ad voice guy asked her challenger, who was being portrayed as an evil-doer in this spot who didn’t want old people to get their medicine, “Commie Faggot, what did seniors ever do to you?” Oh for fuck’s sake. This race is actually amusing to witness, because the Commie Faggot is trying to show how much of a moderate he is by saying that he’s “pro-gun.” I love it when Democrats try to pull this shit off because it’s just as funny as when Republicans go, “We are so about black people,” and then proceed to get only 5 percent of this demographic’s vote. In fact, one of my fondest memories from the 2004 election was when Kerry went into some hunting office in either Ohio, West Virginia or Pennsylvania (I can’t remember what state it took place in) and said, “Can I get me a huntin’ license?” That soundbite was so goddamn funny that it puts his “I voted for the $80 billion before I voted against it” to shame.
I was asked earlier today which Party I thought would win this election. I have no clue. Hell, even if I had a guess, I wouldn’t put much stock into it, considering my track record of correctly picking baseball and football games. However, here’s my two cents: For some reason I haven’t been buying this Democrat sweep into power that is supposed to resemble what happened in 1994 with the Republicans. I have no proof or, worse yet, polling data, to back up what I just said – it’s just a feeling. Plus, with the few special elections that have taken place since 2004 the Republican has been able to maintain his or her seat. One election took place in Ohio and the other in California. Granted these seats were in Republican districts, and the results were probably closer than usual for the GOP to keep these seats, but I’m just don’t think the House of Representatives will swing by a margin large enough to give it over to the Democrats. I’ve always been more concerned about the Senate turning commie, but perhaps that’s because the Santorum/Junior race isn’t looking good for the GOP and I’m getting a distorted image of the nationwide feel. I will say this: if the Republicans don’t win the Tennessee Senate race, I doubt they’ll win Missouri and have no shot at Ohio or New Jersey, although I don’t think they win either the Buckeye or Garden state either.
While I’m talking about Ohio, how the fuck is Ken Blackwell not going to win the governorship? I can understand not re-electing that Rino Duh-Whine (although I wouldn’t be voting for the commie the Dems have brought forth), but I always liked Blackwell while I was an Ohio resident. Christ, I hope the Blue Plague doesn’t swallow up Ohio along with Pennsylvania (even more than it already is) and Virginia until the flyover red states have a chance to beef up on electoral votes in the next census. Back to Pennsylvania. God is this election going to suck; the most conservative official on the national scene will be friggin’ Alren Specter? Oy. I will be voting straight party line this election and, like I’ve said before in previous entries, what’s funny is that in Pennsylvania returns from Shittsburgh and Philadelphia come in first, and the Democrat is always in the lead by a 90-10 margin. In addition, because of all the old people and union whores that have their “Vote Democrat” and “Bush Wants To Steal My Medicare So He Can Give Halliburton Another Tax Cut” bumper stickers and pins trudging throughout this area like zombies in any of the “____ of the Dead” movies, I feel like a lowly Hobbit armed only with a wooden sword trying and garbage can lid for a shield trying to hold off these hoarding masses until my redneck brethren from the middle part of the state have their votes counted to the point where the Republican can overtake his or her Democrat opponent. However, this will not be the case this time around; if Santorum can lose by single digits and if Swann can lose by no more than 25 points, I guess I’ll be content. And like I said earlier at the other place, if Junior only wins by single digits I'll be wanking it. But not to Rick's image, because that would be gay and he wouldn't like that.
Back to election predictions. There’s no way Republicans will gain any seats, but will they lose enough to hand power over to the Democrats? I said above that I was more concerned about the Senate than the House, so if the GOP can retain control of the Senate (thank you Joe Lieberman for running as an Independent), I think they will also keep the House. Then again, this is the same person who this year predicted the Yanks and Twins in the ALCS and the Dodgers and Padres in the NLCS, so you probably just wasted several minutes of your life reading this rambling drivel. However, you do that anyway when you read my other entries at KK's Korner, so my sympathy for you is nonexistent.
Oh, and Claire McCaskill will win Missouri by 30 points. Fuck you Tyler.
Now that I wrongly predicted the Ravens/Bengals Thursday night game, I can get back to my riveting tale of my first-ever “real job” interview. I spoke with Altoona Mirror News Editor Joe Frollo about my upcoming interview, and he said to bring a work portfolio with me to the Mirror’s headquarters. He added that if I could get a copy of the Mirror and “copyedit” for him that would be great, too. My interview was scheduled for early that next week, so I got the Sunday’s edition of the Mirror and put my little red pen to work. Now here’s the funny thing. For as much as I suck at speling and grammer, I am great at picking out stupid errors or inconsistencies that nobody else would care about checking. For example, at one job I picked out on a page a period that was one font point size smaller than all the other text. While the graphic artist who made this correction was amazed that I noticed this mistake, I felt more pathetic than anything else. But I digress. So there I was scanning through this newspaper when I came across some mistakes in this publication’s template areas, particularly one in the “Editorial Board” box that got run every day. When I arrived at my interview, I showed Joe everything I had found, and he was … surprised. He especially appeared so when I showed him the “editorial box” where a period was breaking up one editor’s name. As I sat down to take my editing test, he asked if he could have this page and walked away. I knew I bombed this test, but nevertheless it was off to talk with Joe and this other editor who seemed a bit smarmy. I knew I wasn’t getting this job, but they were taking me out to dinner to continue the interview process, so who am I to turn down a free meal?
As I talked with Joe and this other guy, the nameless editor began asking for my opinion about the newspaper, and I gave it to him. Full blast. I don’t remember much of what I said, and most of it wasn’t even negative, but I do remember the guy getting pretty defensive about a number of things. One question I do remember was asking if the Mirror had a Web site because I couldn’t find one after looking through the newspaper and on-line (this was in 1999, so the Internet “revolution” hadn’t hit small publications such as the Mirror yet). I got an answer dealing with how it wouldn’t make the paper any money and that they mail a few copies to subscribers out of state and they would lose that revenue (yeah, all $10/month). When the meal was over and we were back at Mirror headquarters, the interview was wrapping up and Joe said to me in a low voice that he agreed with nearly all of my comments about the newspaper and that he was trying to get his smarmy boss to do many of the things I mentioned. That was when I knew for sure I was never coming back to this place. Sure enough, I was right.
From the moment I left this interview, there were no harsh feelings. I knew I wasn’t qualified for the vacancy (I’m probably still not), and if you think this is some 500-word bitchfest about how the Mirror is run by a bunch of Jew-commies, then you’re sadly mistaken. However, the best part of this story came later when I got the “official” rejection. A few weeks went by and I got this letter from the Mirror. Knowing what it was, I just read the letter’s first sentence and tossed it aside. Mrs. kkk picked it up, thinking there could be some glimmering hope in what was written, and asked how the word “periodically” was spelled. I told her. She agreed with my spelling and said that the letter had it spelled as “periotically.” So not only did a fellow journalism grad misspell a job rejection letter to me, but he also felt me unworthy of a spell-check. Here’s how part of the letter went.
How do I remember this? Because I have kept this letter and have it framed.
• I told you that Karl Rove was a genius. Getting our hopes all down about Democrats taking charge only to toy with our emotions weeks later by offing a senator under the guise of a medical condition and beginning the eventual takeover of Congress once again.
Actually, I feel for the guy from South Dakota. He seemed to be sane enough for a Democrat. It’s a shame this didn’t happen to, say, a certain Senator from New York. Actually, I wouldn’t have cared if it happened to Hitlery or Schmuck Jewmer. Any you know what? Even if the guy dies and that state’s Republican governor picks one of his own, it’s not really going to matter. Yeah, the Senate will be split, giving Dick Cheney the tie-breaking vote, but so what? It’s the SENATE. It’s Republican-lite. Arlen Specter. Susan Collins. Olympia Snow. How the hell are they in the same party as me? Whatever.
• Wait a second. Is this the chick from the American Pie movies who was the girl who gave all sorts of love advice but never got a dicking of her own? Now I know why.
• Oh no, Judith Regan got canned by Rupert Murdoch.
Like I’m supposed to care. But hey, it’s in red text on Drudge’s Web site, so this must be important.
• So I haven’t watched ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption in a while and decided to tune in. And what do I see? Kommie Kornheiser acting like goddamn pussy because some guy from the Chicago Bears got busted for having an invalid gun permit for a half-dozen firearms in his house. Christ, I thought Tony was going to shit himself regarding this story. What’s the big deal? Brotha’s gotta protect his crib. Then Tony has to remind us all about how much he hates guns and that they’re bad and shit. Normally I bitch about Wilbon during this show, but I have to give Tony an open-handed slap across the face this time.
• Although the critics who say what this mayor did was patronizing, I feel for the poor theater ushers who had to clean up the mess these crazy people probably made while sitting through this movie.
• I was going to make a joke about what ever will black people do now that they’re no longer “king of the mountain,” until I realized that Indian penises were too small for condoms. I bet Asians are feeling mighty good about themselves right about now.
• Eh, I knew someone who beat off into pizzas at his job. No, it wasn’t me. With all the crap jobs I’ve worked over the years, two places I’ll never work are grocery stores and pizza joints. No, I don’t consider myself better than those who bag my groceries or knead my dough. I’m just a lazy bastard.
Actually, this part of the story had me laughing.
Well no shit. But then again, I'm sure there were at least one or two who got turned on by this.
11:30 p.m.
• After a bye in which I rested my tweaked hamstring, it’s onto this week's pickkks.
Arizona @ Washington (8.5)
Now Warner is hurt. Ouch. There are some franchises that seem to get all the bad breaks, and Arizona seems like one for me. However, they are also one of the worst franchises in any league, so oh well.
Atlanta @ New Orleans (8.5)
OK, the Saints had a great game last week. Will the turnaround begin here? I don’t know, but I’ll take my chances.
(3.5) Baltimore @ Buffalo
The Bills HAVE to win some time. Bah, the Ravens will win by 30.
Minnesota @ Dallas (9.5)
Well, the Vikings aren’t the Patriots. I’ll give the Cowboys a pass and hope they keep on beating teams they’re supposed to beat buy bunches of points.
(17.5) New England @ Miami
I’ve gone with the Pats this year, but oh what the hell. The Dolpins will lose by just TWO TOUCHDOWNS.
San Francisco @ N.Y. Giants (9.5)
The Giants will win, but hopefully the 49ers will try to make this a contest.
Tampa Bay @ Detroit (2.5)
Buccaneers have been doing better than I thought. The Lions are the Lions.
(1.5) Tennessee @ Houston
Hmmm, I don’t know if Vince Young will be playing this week. I wish I would pay more attention to what goes on during the week. I’m sure this won’t be decided by 1 point, so I’ll treat this as a straight up/down contest, and I’ll go with the Titans.
Kansas City @ Oakland (2.5)
Raiders have already won their quota of games for the year. I’ll hope Larry Johnson decides to show up.
N.Y. Jets @ Cincinnati (6.5)
Both teams don’t do anything for me, but I expected the Bengals to be better. For that reason, I’ll go with the Jets.
Chicago @ Philadelphia (5.5)
I have no clue how the Eagles offense will do against a Bears defense that was supposed to be good. I also have no clue if Westbrook is gong to play. I have no clue.
St. Louis @ Seattle (9.5)
The Seahawks will make the playoffs because they get to play games like this. Then again, this will probably be the week the Rams decide to be competitive.
(3.5) Pittsburgh @ Denver
I’m not sure if the Steelers will repeat their success in Denver, but I’ll go with this spread. Steelers will score 27.
(3.5) Indianapolis @ Jacksonville
Indy will probably win, but the Jags always play them tough. I think.
One of the things that really sucks about being an adult is your “days off” and “vacations” aren’t quite the same as they were when you were a kid. I had Thursday and Friday of this week off from work, and what did I do? On Thursday, I spent the afternoon doing yard work, and on Friday I spent most of the day cleaning the house. No goofing around; no playing video games (much); no going over to a friend’s house (provided I had any) to goof around and play video games. Nothing. And it only got worse today because for our neighborhood had a garage sale and the better half decided we needed to unload some of our junk onto willing buyers. My experiences with these kinds of sales are limited; back in the day I went to this local flea market a few times to buy sports cards and crappy baseball hats, and that’s about the extent of my flea market/garage sale expertise. Mrs. kkk had agreed to take part of this event and spent all week pricing our junk. Most of the stuff we that were going to pimp were leftover wedding materials (centerpieces, candles, etc.) from our wedding, but she also rummaged through some other trinkets that have been tossed aside. Still sore from two days’ worth of work around the house, I was woken up at 7 this morning and told to get ready for six hours’ of selling. Yippie. After getting a shower, I trudged out to our driveway, where the better half already had our several tables of crap on display. As I stood out there in the brisk autumn air, I thought to myself who seriously stops by these places to engage in this sort of commerce?
As it turned out, quite a bit more people than I had initially thought.
After 10 minutes, people started arriving on our street looking at all the stuff we had deemed worthy for purchase. All in all, it was a successful day – the better half got more than $105 for our crap, but the transaction I will forever remember revolved around a $1 sale involving a VHS tape. We had about a dozen or so VHS tapes out on display; because we had each of these movies on DVD, we figured this might be a good opportunity to unload these tapes. This old guy stopped by and was looking through our titles. And what did he eventually select? Did he select the awesomeness that is one of the three Indiana Jones films? No. Was it "Enemy of the State," a movie I was so-so about, but I’ve heard good reviews from other people I know? Nope. Was it "G.I. Jane," a film that I thought would be a feminazi piece of shit but actually turned out way better than I had expected? Na-ah. What movie did this guy, after reading the back cover of its box, finally decide upon?
(keep scrolling)
Remember how I said our VHS collection had been upgraded to DVD? Well, I lied. One movie didn’t make the cut, and this was it. Years ago I bought "I Got the Hook Up" because I wanted to see how awful a Master P-produced film could be, and not awful in the “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” awful where “awful” is actually “good.” I’m talking “awful” in “how the fuck did this ever get created?” I think the worst thing about the old guy purchasing this from us is that he’s soon going to watch this piece of shit, remember where it was that he bought it and try to get even by setting our house on fire. I’m praying he got this VHS as a gag or as a gift to his wigger grandson who is kicking it g-style in the heart of suburbia. Another sad facet of this story is that shortly after this old guy left with his prize, these kids came by and bought all of our VHS taps; one of them even pointed out to his one friend that “Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice in the Hood” was a great movie. At least with this customer I would have known that “I got the Hook up” would have gone to a loving home not to be thrown into the trash after just 10 minutes of viewing.
• Before I get on with my NFL pickkks this week, what the hell is up with fast-food customers allegedly finding human body parts in their food? A year or so ago there was that infamous finger-in-the-chili incident at Wendy’s which turned out to be nothing more than a scam. Now there are allegations of a Subway in California selling finger foods.
• Seventh verse same as the first.
Carolina at Cincinnati (3.5)
Cincinnati lost last week at Tampa Bay, got whipped at home against New England a few weeks back. Carolina seems to win a lot on the road, so I’ll take the Panthers in this one.
Detroit at N.Y. Jets (3.5)
The Lions won their game for the season, and now it’s back to losing. Besides, Detroit’s baseball team lost Game 1 of the World Series last night, so the bad mojo will carry over to the Lions.
Green Bay at Miami (4.5)
Miami is favored? By four-and-a-half points? I have to pick the Packers.
(9.5) Jacksonville at Houston
Nine-and-a-half points is a bunch, but I’ll side with the Jags on this one.
(5.5) New England at Buffalo
Buffalo played the Pats tough earlier this season, but New England has been playing well as of late and the Bills have struggled as of late.
(5.5) Philadelphia at Tampa Bay
Will the Eagles lose two games in a row to the NFC South? Will the Buccaneers win two games in a row? I’ll take the first option.
(2.5) Pittsburgh at Atlanta
Mark Madden has predicted an easy Steelers win, and if Mark is taking the Steelers for the win that’s saying something.
(5.5) San Diego at Kansas City
This Chiefs got whopped last week, but now they’re playing at home against a divisional foe. I’ll still go with the Chargers nevertheless.
(5.5) Denver at Cleveland
The Broncos couldn’t cover the spread against the Raiders, but could that have been in part to Oakland being in the same division as Denver? I’ll say sure and take Denver.
(3.5) Arizona at Oakland
Talk about clash of the titans – and Vince Young is nowhere to be seen. I’ll say this about the NFL: when games match up two good teams the games are very very good, but when the match ups are with bad teams the games are horrid. Leinart played well enough Monday night against the Bears to beat the Raiders.
Minnesota at Seattle (7.5)
The Seahawks haven’t been playing as well without Shaun Alexander in the starting lineup, but they are playing at home. I think Seattle will win, but it will be close.
Washington at Indianapolis (9.5)
Will the Colts sleepwalk through this contest? I don’t know. I’ll take Washington, although I hope they snap out of their recent funk.
N.Y. Giants at Dallas (3.5)
Dallas has played well against the Hostons and Tennessees of the league, but how about the better teams? I’ll take New York and hope they don’t do a repeat of their stinker of a game up in Seattle earlier this season.
Holy cow that's a lot of road teams. No wonder I'm terrible at this.
6:30 p.m.
• Wait a second, so a government school does nothing when several kids make fun of a Mormon student’s religion, but when she responds to them by saying, “that’s so gay” she's the one who gets in trouble?
Good God, I can’t imagine what would have happened to me and some of the shit I used to say. And this reason…
…doesn’t cut it. Sorry, but what the government school did was … well, gay. I miss the good ol' days when you could play "smear the queer," and it wouldn't be considered a hate crime.
• Speaking of gay, I saw PTI had the gay ex-NBA baler. Well, he probably still is a baller, but not the way he did back during his playing days. Anyway, it was funny to hear that interview only to hear this story later on in the show.
And many pro athletes are worried about teammates sporting boners in the shower room?
8:30 p.m.
• So it looks like the Pens will stay in Shittsburgh. Yay, and stuff.
If this is what Mario wants, then more power to him. I still wanted them to move for reasons I have stated in the past. I wanted them to win the Stanley Cup and head out to KC right after the post-playoff rally – that would have been funny as hell.
• Please keep this story away from Maury Povich.
And no, I'm not going to make "Povich already has enough chimps on his babby-daddy shows." Besides, the white couples are much more entertaining. It seems like they actually care about these paternity tests and are too poor to take them any other way -- the black couples just want their 10 minutes on camera and free trip out to the big city.
• Can you blame the Japs for not wanting to have sex? With some of the video I've seen on-line I'd be afraid to stick anything near those people -- I might have an eel pop out and chomp on my one-eyed appendage.
• Reading this brought back memories.
It was just like that bit Sam Kiniosn did back in the day, when during a drive from Needles and Barstow he decided to take a nap behind the wheel. A few years ago I was driving back from Connecticut to Shittsburgh on business, and instead of spending the night and making the drive in the morning I decided that I could make the trip overnight. Of course, my estimated timing took a turn for the worse after a wrong turn or three. While on the PA Turnpike just a few hours or so away from my exit the thought of napping while driving on a straight road seemed appealing. That was when I decided to wind down all my rent-a-car’s windows and singing out loud even though I had no music on. Forget driving in inclement weather, this moment scared the shit out of me. Fortunately I got through without a hitch and I vowed never to test my staying power when driving on the interstate. And while I’m on this subject, to anyone living in the New York/Connecticut area, you will never have to worry about setting up residence there. No offense, but goddamn there are way too many people living there. Then again, I’d rather have you all concentrated over there yonder than moving to my neck of the woods and gaying up my region – we have enough Democrats as it is already.
6:15 p.m.
• Well we donated blood at a local church for some kid with leukemia and afterward, Mrs. kkk fainted. This of course caused a scene much like the shit you see on any medical drama, only less intense. And with uglier nurses. Always got to cause I scene. She’ll live. What was more dramatic was when I thought there might be some trouble with the computer, only to discover I needed the mouse replaced. I’m such a techie.
I also took the day off work hoping to get in some good video-gaming, only to discover the better half decided to take a “me day,” too. Fuck. The only thing worse than when this happens is on Sunday when I have the football games on while doing odds ‘n ends around the house and I get to listen to her bitch “Is this all you’re going to do today?” Let’s see, what did I do yesterday while the games were on: Made 40 bottles of Crystal Light. Clipped and sorted through coupons. Did three loads of laundry. Exercised for 90 minutes. Computed the monthly budget where I document everything we spent and everything we earned. Made dinner. What did she do? Watch “Lord of the Rings.” Married life, folks. Someday this will be you typing.
3 p.m.
• So Swift Terror was bitching about the new Jew tactic teams are doing at the end of games when a field goal kicker is about to boot the pigskin and the opposing coach calls “time out.” I don’t really see the big deal. Yeah, it’s lame, but like Mr. Terror said, just wait until the “timed-out” kick goes wide right and the mulligan goes through the uprights. If the NCAA and NFL want to “ban” this, then whatever. The only thing I object to is the potential for injury when play is stopped right when the ball is snapped. Just let them play out the down and let them know a time out was called before the play. Besides, teams should know by now that the opposing coach will probably employ this strategy and just treat the whole thing as a warm-up routine. But to get “offended” over all this, which is what I’ve seen on a few ESPN/NFL pre-game shows, is just a bit too much.
10:30 a.m.
So when the baseball season began Al Keiper and I made predictions as to win totals for each baseball team. Time to see the damage. Teams in bold were correct predictions. Actual wins are in ().
Al kkk-eiper's picks
NL EAST
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER (89)
New York Mets 88.0 OVER (88)
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER (84)
Washington Nationals 66.5 OVER (73)
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER (71)
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER (85)
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 UNDER (83)
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER (78)
Houston Astros 78.5 OVER (73)
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 UNDER (72)
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 UNDER (68)
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER (90)
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER (89)
San Diego Padres 84.0 OVER (89)
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 OVER (82)
San Francisco Giants 81.5 OVER (71)
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER (96)
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER (94)
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER (83)
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 UNDER (69)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 UNDER (66)
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER (96)
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER (88)
Minnesota Twins 83.5 UNDER (79)
Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER (72)
Kansas City Royals 67.5 UNDER (69)
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 UNDER (94)
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER (88)
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER (76)
Texas Rangers 81.5 UNDER (75)
Total Correct = 15
Al Keiper's picks
NL EAST
New York Mets 88.0 OVER (88)
Atlanta Braves 81.5 OVER (84)
Philadelphia Phillies 88.5 UNDER (89)
Florida Marlins 78.5 UNDER (71)
Washington Nationals 66.5 UNDER (73)
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 85.5 UNDER (85)
Milwaukee Brewers 81.5 OVER (83)
St Louis Cardinals 84.5 OVER (78)
Houston Astros 78.5 UNDER (73)
Cincinnati Reds 76.5 OVER (72)
Pittsburgh Pirates 71.5 OVER (68)
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 OVER (90)
Colorado Rockies 74.5 OVER (89)
San Diego Padres 84.0 UNDER (89)
Los Angeles Dodgers 88.5 UNDER (82)
San Francisco Giants 81.5 UNDER (71)
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 90.5 OVER (96)
New York Yankees 97.0 UNDER (94)
Toronto Blue Jays 86.5 UNDER (83)
Baltimore Orioles 73.5 OVER (69)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 67.0 OVER (66)
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 84.5 OVER (96)
Detroit Tigers 87.5 UNDER (88)
Minnesota Twins 83.5 OVER (79)
Chicago White Sox 86.5 UNDER (72)
Kansas City Royals 67.5 OVER (69)
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 89.5 OVER (94)
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER (88)
Oakland Athletics 84.5 OVER (76)
Texas Rangers 81.5 OVER (75)
Total Picks = 16
Now I guess I could say that if I would have gotten just one of the 15 incorrect picks right, then I would have tied our board's baseball expert, but I'd rather make it sound more dramatic. If the Phillies would have lost just one more game we would have tied! Yeah, that sounds much better than pointing out some of my gems:
Arizona Diamondbacks 77.5 UNDER (90)
Cleveland Indians 84.5 UNDER (96)
Chicago White Sox 86.5 OVER (72)
Seattle Mariners 75.5 UNDER (88)
In yesterday’s blog entry, Swift Terror mentioned his experience as a Blockbuster Customer Service Representative and commented on the chain’s hard-on with late fees (I heard they have shifted their “two-days-and-it’s-late policy, but I’m not sure on this). Personally, I had no problem with a store’s late fee policy as long as I was told when the movies were due back. Look, if you think it’s lame to rent a video with an inconvenient return date, then don’t rent from that place. So you put the DVD in the drop-off bin at five after midnight when it was due at exactly midnight – too bad. Pay the fine and learn from it.
The only time I was ever late on a Blockbuster rental was when I lived in Ohio a few years ago. We were given a Sunday noontime deadline, and the better half and I finished watching the movies we rented late on a Saturday night. I said that since I was still relatively awake that I would make the 10-minute drive to Blockbuster and drop off the rentals. Mrs. kkk said not to bother with them, that she’d drop them off after she got back from church Sunday morning. With that said, she went off to bed and I went off to doing God knows what.
The next morning I woke up at around 10 a.m. and went downstairs for breakfast. The better half had left for church, and with my car in the shop I was stranded in our townhouse. Then my eyes picked up the four DVDs from Blockbuster still on our living room entertainment stand. Yep. I figured as much. And of course she didn’t get back home until 11:55 a.m. When I reminded her of what she said the night before, she replied, “Well you take them back and I’ll pay you back the fine,” which I did (and oddly enough, I’m still waiting for this reimbursement, among the other IOU’s she has put on her tab). Despite being 10 minutes late on the rental I still had to pay more than $10 in late fees.
There are two good things that came out of this experience. The first one was that I learned it was a better investment to just own any movie I was interested in seeing. If you get a film when it first comes out, it’s not a bad deal (although if you wait a while longer you can usually get it at a better price). If you watch the movie 2-3 times over the course of owning the title (including viewing the special features), then I’d say you came out ahead in the end. If you absolutely hate the movie after viewing it, just sell it at a used CD/Movie store for a few dollars. Either way, it’s a better value than just renting it and feeling rushed to turn it back.
The second good thing that came out of this experience was that I had one of the greatest conversations ever with a CSR. I entered the store at about 12:10 p.m. and told this teen-age puke that I knew I was late with the movies. I guess the kid thought I was trying to weasel out of paying the fines, which I wasn’t, although I did mention why they were late. (I don’t know why I did this; I usually don’t engage in small talk with cashiers, but I guess I needed to vent or something.) The cashier was just zoning out saying “yeah, uh-huh,” and typing away on the keyboard in front of him (which is what I would do in that situation, too, so I didn’t hold this against the kid). Figuring I might as well see if he’s actually paying attention, I then said, “And somebody’s going to get a beating when I get back home.” He looked up at me and said, “Dude, you don’t have to beat her; just have her pay for the next movie rental.” I said, “Why, when hitting her is so much more fun?” I got no response back, but I did see him looking at me as I drove off.
Oh, and I’m suddenly reminded of another “incident” that took place in Ohio just to show that the better half isn’t a pure as the wind-driven snow. (There are many stories, including the time I told a bagboy to get cancer, but for some reason this one just came to my mind.) We were leaving a restaurant called O’Charley’s, which is kinda like an Applebee’s or a Friday’s, but a few notches above them, in my opinion (It’s a shame they’re not in the Shittsburgh area). Well, we were walking out to the car and I was carrying the better half’s doggy bag. I was being an idiot and either not giving her the car keys or the Styrofoam container; I can’t remember which. But I do remember what happened next.
As we were on opposite ends of our car, a van with a couple and their young daughter had just pulled into the spot next to where the better half was standing. Right when the van door opened and the little kid was getting helped out of her car seat, the better half shouted, “Give me that now, asshole!” Like a parrot, the girl behind her said, “Yeah, asshole!” My jaw dropped, although the better half didn’t hear her say it. The kid’s parents did though. In Mrs. kkk’s defense I don’t think she knew there were people behind her, but so what? It was still funny as hell.
• I’m sure many of you have seen teasers from your local news station. You know, stupid stuff like, “Are your children safe? Tune in at 11 p.m. and find out.” Well, the only thing worse than these retarded ads are the promotions some stations use to attract viewers. OK, I get it. Gas is expensive. But, WPXI-TV, do you really have to call your latest attempt to draw viewers THE GREAT GAS GIVEAWAY? I understand that it cost more to fill up your tank nowadays, but it’s not like gasoline is in limited supply and people are killing themselves over a pint of fuel. If we were in Russia and a news station had the fortune of a few extra loaves, I could understand calling that promotion THE GREAT BREAD GIVEAWAY, but we’re not experiencing third-world conditions. And it’s not like you’re getting a free year’s worth of gasoline; you’re only getting a $50 gift card to a local station. Sorry, but I’m not tuning in to some hippie news broadcast for that.
• Speaking of this television station, last night the better half turned on WPXI (a NBC affiliate) and I got to experience what was probably the dumbest game show I have ever seen: “Deal or No Deal.” Christ almighty was this a waste of my time. At least with shows like "Jeopardy!" you have to think. Even with "Press Your Luck" you had to answer pseudo-trivia questions before going up against the Whammy. All you do in this show is pick random cases. That’s it. While I’m sure the argument can be made that some math is needed to figure if you should keep picking cases or accept the banker's offer, I still don’t care (and no, I'm not going to explain the rules of this game; find them out on your own). This is a retarded show that will hopefully go the way of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” Also, if last night's contestant was any more flaming during his 60 minutes worth of jumping up and down every time a case he selected was of low value he would have been on fire. There was even a point where he sat down and cried. It was around this time I began wishing he hadn’t ended up with the $300,000+ he eventually won.
• While reading through my Saturday Tribune-Review (of course I got the coupon-free Saturday edition last week and not the actual day that I subscribed for) I read the following story. There’s a Quizno’s Sub store that’s near where I live and from time-to-time they have some kid wear a dumb costume and stand out by the road dancing around. Apparently this is supposed to entice people driving to stop by and have a sandwich. Well last week this ritual enticed several punks to get out of their car at the nearby stoplight and beat this mascot up. To make matters worse, one of these hooligans took pictures of the attack with a camera phone. Fortunately, a motorist who was a cop's wife (or something like that) witnessed the event, and now the young 20-somethings are in jail. The article concluded by quoting the Quizno’s storeowner, who said that nobody wants to go back out there dressed up in that costume. God I love my community.
12 a.m.
• So I’ve been watching a number of preseason games on the NFL network the last few weeks. What I find interesting are the broadcast teams and the way other places around the country promote their station’s local programming and stuff. I know I’m odd.
• Oh, man. Now I'm starting to like the terrorists.
• More people are making wills for their pets. So? What do you want them to do after you croak -- fend for themselves out in the wild?
If anything were to happen to me and the better half, our three angels would be living at the in-laws house. I can't even imagine the chaos that will ensue from that, especially with the in-laws having a kitty of their own. I'm just glad I'd be dead and not have to worry about cleaning all those litter boxes. If you don't have a family member you can trust to take care of your pets after life takes care of you, I've also heard of nonprofit organizations that will work with you to care for your animals should you die before them. If I were to do this, I'd have to volunteer at the place for a while to see if they are indeed an honest organization.
5:30 p.m.
• Suspended for THIS?
Here's the
Christ, when I was in school there were “problem kids” that would get into nasty brawls that would sometimes involve pummeling any teacher trying to break up the melee, and these hoodlums would be lucky if they got a day off school as a result.
• This country really is in trouble when you got TEXAS halting executions.
It is kind of weird that the getaway driver would be treated the same as the trigger person, but don’t mess with Texas. Well, I guess now you can a little bit.
1 p.m.
• Week 8's pickkks.
(3.5) Cleveland @ St. Louis
Yeah the Rams are terrible, but they have to win SOMETIME, and playing Cleveland is usually one of "those times."
Detroit @ Chicago (5.5)
I think I picked the Lions to win earlier this year, and I was right. Now it's the Bears turn with their brand-spanking new QB.
(7.5) Indianapolis @ Carolina
I dunno. Indy is good. That's all.
(10.5) N.Y. Giants @ Miami
Here's is my reasoning. When I saw some ESPN report earlier this week, the Giants talked about practicing right away. Jason Taylor of the Dolphins talked about the blow-up doll the league was using to promote this game in England. Yeah, that's my scouting report.
Oakland @ Tennessee (7.5)
Tennessee beats bad teams. Oakland isn't a good team.
(1.5) Philadelphia @ Minnesota
I dunno. The Eagles seem to be struggling, but the Vikings QB looked dismal last week. Then again, that QB isn't playing this week. Shit.
(3.5) Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
This is an odd one. The away team wins more than naught, but I have a feeling this could change in '08. Nevertheless, I'm going with the Steelers.
Buffalo @ N.Y. Jets (2.5)
The Jets? Favored? Nah.
Houston @ San Diego (3.5)
This game was off the books when I posted the spread, so I'll gladly take it.
Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay (4.5)
The AFC is a better conference. Great logic there.
(3.5) New Orleans @ San Francisco
The Saints upward march continues.
Washington @ New England (16.5)
I think the Redskins defense could keep this somewhat close, but you have to ride the Pats until they are unable to beat an opponent by 20 points. I learned my lesson earlier this season.
Green Bay @ Denver (3.5)
The AFC is a better conference. Great logic there.
9:45 p.m.
• So last night I went to Red Robin for the first time ever. It opened up a year or so ago at the snazzy new Wal-Mart complex that replaced the dirt mall which was there. Did I say “dirt mall”? I meant “place of commerce that was just another victim to the EVIL Wal-Mart machine.” Anyway, this Robin place was one of those locations that the better half and I talked about going to one of these days but never got around to it. Until last night. Uh, it sells burgers. It has “bottomless fries,” although they Jew you on basket size so a second serving of these things is like one regular serving at any other chain eatery. I’ve heard stories about how great there burgers were, and being a burger guy I was looking forward to this saturated fat goodness. Eh, it’s a burger. No big deal. The real highlight though came with the white trash sitting in the booth across from us.
OK, people. If you are going to a restaurant for the first time, don’t be surprised if the food you order isn’t quite to your liking. I’m not saying to expect raw ground meat or burnt potato wedges. However, if the BREADING to your ONION RINGS wasn’t what you expected, don’t BITCH about it to the MANAGER and cause a scene. Jesus Christ. How about saying, “Excuse me, this is the first time I have eaten here and these onion rings aren’t what I expected. Would it be possible if you could please give me an order of fries instead?” Seeing how I hate onions, I didn’t look to see if this side dish was an extra charge or if it was a suitable substitute for the “bottomless” fries. But even if these things were an extra side dish, I’m sure these places understand the pitfalls of visiting an eatery for the first time and would have gladly removed this purchase from you bill. What I love about white trash like this is that they have all these lofty standards when they go out to eat at laymen restaurants, but I bet when they nuke their hot dogs at home that these items are either half-cooked or exploded all in the microwave. For the record, my crack-whore sister-in-law and out-of-control niece-in-law are two cretins that throw shit-fits at these places. Yeah, you shoot heroin into your veins, but you’ll have some cook in the back of Texas Roadhouse re-cook your steak three times because it was too undercooked. Guess what I, a first-time Red Robin customer, did when I got seated? I ordered something I knew I would like and kept the menu to look over while my burger was being made so I could get a better idea of what is available the next time I stop by.
Oh, and last night I also got fitted for two suit outfits at some tailor place that was having an uber-sale. Jacket, pants, shirt, tie: $199, plus $25 for tailoring adjustments. Holy fuck was this a great deal. What made me laugh was when the tailor lady was asking me what colors I preferred. I don’t know. I’m a guy. I wear black and white. You know why? You can’t go wrong with black and white. You don’t have to fret about the hue of a yellow-and-blue tie conflicting with a darkish blue sport coat. Hell, I don’t even know if this is an acceptable color combination to start out with. Know what I do? I wear a black jacket and white shirt. Well I ended up getting a gray suit and a black suit with some shirt and tie combinations that I already forgot what they looked like. I think this lady thought I was unemployed because when she asked what the occasion was for these outfits I said “job interview.” Later on when I talked with Mrs. kkk about getting a second outfit, the lady mentioned that they have a layaway plan. She also made a big deal about finding the right look for me to get this job I’m interviewing for. I had to let her know that if I don’t get this job, it sure as heck won’t be because of my wardrobe.
After the wardrobe purchase we bought some dry cat food for the kids. But this isn’t the regular Jew cat food. This is the super-special diet mix. Well, this stuff was on sale half off so we bought the last two bags of "indoor formula" that was on the shelf." The better half also bought some 100-screwdriver bit sale at Lowe’s for her dad and also for herself. This was also on sale, so all in all, especially after adding a trip to Sam's Club for essentials, it was a good night for saving.
10:45 p.m.
• OK, for the love of God, Bob Costas, please stop making that forced laugh on Sunday Night Football whenever Keith Olbermann makes a wisecrack during his highlights. I've said it before: Even though Keith should be strung up for treason, I think he's excellent at doing sports highlights. You don't need to have laughter in the background. Trust me. It's not necessary.
9 p.m.
• Oh hell no.
I'll tell you what. The GOP choice of candidates aren't really doing much for me, outside of Rudy. The only thing I like about Huckabee is that he's for a national sales tax. However, that's about the ONLY think I like about him. Romney is just there -- no way he'd win in a general election. Thompson: meh. I didn't bother reading the title to the following link on Drudge, but it pretty much speaks for itself:
The Jesus freaks are for Romney and Huckabee and non-Jesus freaks are for McCain and Giuliani. Add the percentages up and it looks like the Republican voters are split with 32 percent going for Romney and Huckabee and 32 percent going for Giuliani. Who's backing Thompson? People who watch "Law and Order." It's still too early to see who will break out.
But what about the Democrats? You came to the wrong place for that. I still say Hitlery is going to get the nomination because if Obama or Edwards takes a big lead nationally, they'll wind up dead.
• I just noticed I forgot to give a TB score for the Steeler game. Oops.
11:45 a.m.
• This local story has been on my nerves for a while. Basically, the county that engulfs Shittsburgh is going to tax booze to fix a funding gap in our region’s pisspoor Port Authority system.
Now here’s what pisses me off: Why the hell do restaurant owners have to suffer because the government is unable to maintain an efficient transit system. Isn’t it great that you can tax things that have nothing to do with a funding issue? Wow, that will really make the Port Authority change its ways. Why, in two years when nothing changes, the Allegheny County can tax potato chips or universal remotes!
I liked this newsbit in particular.
Dan Onorato is the county executive, and while I like a number of things he does (even for a Democrat), he’s wrong on this one. And that’s also why I live outside Allegheny County.
I often wonder why other businesses don’t itemize the true costs of their products, especially gas stations. Fine, put the final cost for a gallon of fuel on your marquee sign. However, while a person is filling up at $3 per gallon, put a chart on each of your pumps showing how much of a take your friendly federal, state and local governments have on your wallet.
9:15 a.m.
• Since just about every team is resting its starters, I'll do the same. However, by "resting my starters," I mean "give picks with no explaining."
Buffalo
(2.5) Carolina
Cincinnati
Dallas
Green Bay (3.5)
Jacksonville
New Orleans
Baltimore
Seattle
San Francisco
Indianapolis
(3.5) Minnesota
San Diego
Arizona (6.5) <---- called an audible
Kansas City
• A follow-up thought on the Dick Cheney shooting from yesterday. At least he got his victim to a hospital and didn’t drive into a river, leaving his unconscious passenger to die. I wonder if that would be a criminal offense in Texas?
• I didn’t realize people up in Wyoming cared enough about the Super Bowl to bet on it. At least this guy had the gumption to plan his escape just in case his $40k bet didn’t turn out as planned.
• So Paul Hackett, a Democrat Iraq vet who almost won a Congressional seat in a conservative district, has decided not to run for an Ohio Senate seat and retire from politics altogether? I thought the Democrat Leadership told us that even though he lost the election, the Party as a whole won because this showed how the voting public hated Bush’s policies. You would figure he could easily coast to a victory in a moderate swing state, especially when pitted against a weenie like Mike Dewine.
• Looks like we finally found Andrea Yates a cellmate. If these psycho moms are so depressed, why don’t they just kill themselves instead of their children? Can’t wait to see the feminazis circle the wagons on this one; maybe Katie Couric will start a fund for her.
• “Better than three in 10 New York students in recent classes failed to graduate from high school in four years, according to a study tracking students who entered the ninth grade in 2000 and 2001.” That’s the lead to an article titled “High School Graduation Rates ‘Disturbing.'” They’re disturbing all right. Disturbing in the sense that if you can’t graduate high school you deserve whatever shithole you end up in, especially since most of these dropouts weren’t taking AP classes.
• I don’t want to sound like an evil conservative (oh who the hell am I kidding?) but just how long should we be housing Hurricane Katrinia evacuees in hotels with the taxpayer footing the bill? It’s been around six months since these people were evacuated and put up in these accommodations. Personally, I’m curious to know what these evacuees have been doing since the time they left New Orleans. If they were looking for a more permanent place to re-locate, or searching for employment, I would be sympathetic. However, if they stayed in and watched television, expecting to stay where they were rent-free, then check-out time is at noon.
• Just in case you haven’t heard enough about the U.S. military torturing Arabs from Medium-Large Media, the overseas entertainment industry is getting in on the action.
While "The Road to Guantanamo" is based on the true story of three friends who set off from Britain for a wedding overseas and end up as terrorist suspects in Guantanamo Bay for more than two years and ended up not being charged with anything might make for a good tear-jerker, I am not one for these hippie films. I want a movie with action, you know, something I can check my brain out at the door to watch. I think I found the perfect fit for the next summer blockbuster.
Titled "Valley of the Wolves" this is the biggest-budget movie ever made in Turkey, and it stars American actors Billy Zane and Gary Busey. Here are some highlights from the article.
Of course, because you know handcuffing and putting hood on a Turkish male is one of the worst things you can do to them. And here's my early vote for the Jihad Academy Award in the "Best Infidel" Category:
I can’t wait to hear the commentary on this DVD when it comes out. Maybe there will be an Easter Egg giving us a list on what makes Allah mad.
10 p.m.
• Regarding SFA Jack’s workday: One time the fire alarm went off at my place of employment and everybody in the building was like, "uh what do we do?” How about LEAVE THE FUCKING BUIDLING? Was this alarm a short circuit or something like that? Probably. But it’s a FIRE ALARM. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed out. I don’t care if there wasn’t a fire. I didn’t want to be one of those people caught in a raging inferno and have it announced later that despite the fire alarm going off I stayed in the building. Christ, I’m not that stupid.
• You know the funniest thing about this -- I actually paused for several seconds and thought, “Did I really type that earlier today? I don't even remember logging in to TSM today.”
• So the better half and I went to our one friend’s house tonight (the one with the one baby daddy in jail for armed robbery, for those keeping score at home). Not only did her and the baby daddy of kid #2 overpay for this house, but they got an adjustable and the so-called man of the house has a problem with credit-card debt. From what I heard, he maxes out his cards on frivolous shit. Ugh. Seriously, you’re not a kid anymore. You’ve got a mortgage, a pseudo-wife and two kids – one of which isn’t yours. You chose this life. Now deal with it. And by “deal with it,” I don’t mean “go out and buy stupid shit.”
• Christ, I have to go to a stupid board meeting where I sit there all day an collect a per diem that’s half of what I make in a normal workday. With me coming in on Sunday to finish up some work, I would be coming in for a full week, Sunday-Saturday. I thought about this for a second and realized what a lazy shit I’ve become. Back in the day I went to school and worked full-time, I worked two jobs/seven days/60+ hours per week. Now I’m bitching about this? Well, yeah.
• When I was taking out the trash at around 10:30 p.m. last night, I noticed several kids on my street playing football with a glow-in-the-dark pigskin. I then got one of those flashbacks to when I was in high school and did stuff like that. I was bummed for a second until I realized how much I like my present years more than my teen years, believe it or not. Yeah, I was a real bitter, cynical sonofabitch back then.
• Speaking of sorta mid-life crises, the better half got “Wild Hogs” from the mother-in-law to watch tonight. Jesus Christ. I knew this was going to be bad, and I was right. Sadly, Mrs. kkk found it hilarious. Oh well, at least Ray Liotta was a surprise. I had no idea he was that desperate for money.
• Be warned that the hippie in me has broken out of his cell and is on the loose within my fingers frantically typing away. This is why I will never understand hunters or fishermen. Lookie, here’s a rare instance of a wild hybrid polar/grizzly bear. Wait, IT’S COMING RIGHT FOR US! Blast away. Hey, I just reeled in a 54-pound fish. What am I going to do with it? Well, let’s "Chop it up and feed it to the skunks and possum.” Can’t we just leave wild animals alone; we kill enough life already to fill up our bellies -- do we really need to go out and find more when there’s a perfectly acceptable meat department at your local grocery store?
• As I type this entry I’ve got Dr. Laura on and this chick just said that her husband got arrested and is in jail charged with the delinquency of a minor and she doesn’t know what to do. Her parents want her to divorce the guy, who’s also a junkie, but she wants to give him “the benefit of the doubt.” Oh, and she also has a nine-month old kid. Who the fuck are these people that call in to this show? This caller brings back a memory of one of better half’s friends who years ago was in a relationship with a guy that got convicted and served time for the same thing this caller’s hubby stands accused of. (Or was it getting convicted for “corrupting the morals of a minor?”) In the case of the better half’s friend, the initial charge was a rape allegation by two high school girls, but when that couldn’t be proved (I think because neither one could remember what happened, or that the DNA evidence was messed up due to them banging other people, too), this guy, who was 21-22 years of age, did get convicted for supplying these two high school girls with alcohol. There were two great payoffs in this whole fiasco. First, Mrs. kkk’s friend stuck by her man for the trial (although she broke up with him afterward) and was photographed on the front page of the newspaper walking toward the courtroom with the alleged rapist. Secondly, this guy’s dad was a local public official, and when the next election came around he lost his seat to someone else. (He was a Democrat for those keeping score at home.) Yet another reason not to get a chick drunk and then have sex with her. Besides, I have heard that knockout pills work better anyway.
• Speaking of drunk bitches, during the summer going into my junior year of high school I spent a few weeks at my half-brother’s California apartment, where he lived with his girlfriend at the time, Jessica. Well, Jessica had this one friend who was the “party animal” of her group. One night the three of them went out to some bar or club, and since I was under-age I didn’t tag along. They returned sometime around midnight or 1 a.m., and Jess’s friend was shit-faced and in no condition to walk, let alone drive. I was sleeping on the couch and Jessica whipped out some pull-out mattress and had her friend sleep on that in the living room, which was the room I was sleeping in as well. A short time later I heard someone trudging about, and I looked around to see what was going on. This chick was spinning around in what appeared to be a state of disorientation. Finally, she just plopped onto the couch right on top of me. Instead of feeling her up or doing some other naughty act, I was more concerned about getting the hell out of there for several reasons. 1) The cushions were squished and my back was up against a wooden frame, which hurt like hell. 2) If she would have thrown up, well, that wouldn’t have been good. Anyway, I’m not sure how long it took, but I eventually got to wiggle myself free and spent the rest of the night on her mattress. When she eventually woke up she simply got up and left. When Jessica came out of her bedroom, she asked why I was laying where I was. After telling her of my night’s events, she laughed and called her friend up, who had no recollection of any of this. That’s all I got. Thank you drive-thru.
• It must be budget time at NASA, because now they’re talking about colonizing the moon or something. Don’t care. I’m sure space travel was a big deal 50 years ago, and I am also aware that many products we enjoy today came indirectly from space and military research, but this is 2006. Nobody cares about this anymore, and even if some did they are finding ways to get into space without government spending. (Remember that contest a year or so ago that offered a cash prize for the first private flight into space, or goofy “sphere” that’s above us?) But NASA will get everything it wants and more because, hey, it’s the government. What else have they got to do with money besides spend it?
• Gwyneth Paltrow recently took some flack for saying that she likes Brits better than Yanks at her dinner table. Here's what she said:
Now I could jump on the “If you hate America so much then giiiit out” bandwagon, but it seems that she’s already done that by living in England with trips to the United States to squirt out an Apple, Plum, Orange or Grape Nut. To the surprise of some, I’m going to come to her defense somewhat on this one. She thinks the dinner conversation from across the Pond is more thoughtful than here in the States. Who’s to say she’s wrong? As much as I love my brothers from anotha motha in anotha country, you guys are a bit too socialist for my liking, so it wouldn’t surprise me that less people over there discuss work-related matters while eating their meals. Besides, I’m sure meal-time conversation is important to Paltrow. What else is she going to do at the dinner table, eat? I normally don’t spend much time talking during this time, but that’s because I have food in my mouth.
• In lovecraft’s blog he recently talked about Rachael Ray, and I expressed my hatred toward this bitch in the kitch … en. (Wow was that bad.) Why do I hate her? I don’t really know. I just get the same vibe from her as I did from those uber-preppy girls in high school who would whine and bitch about getting only a 102 percent on a test while I was lucky to fill in my name in the correct blank. You know who I’m talking about, the same kind of girls who would pout because their daddy bought them the black Corvette when they wanted the red. Last December the better half had one of Ray's “Survive on $20 in this expensive part of town” shows on the Food Network. As I sat there watching this garbage, that half-hoarse/half-annoying voice of hers began grating against my soul, or what little of it I have left. Not only was I being annoyed by her, I began to seethe with hate about having to watch this. Did I go upstairs and surf the Internet? No. Did I leave and watch something from the spare bedroom television? Of course not. Did I read a book? N*gga plz. All I could do is sit there and watch as my rage boiled over into a deep hatred. I don’t care if Joe’s Café on 5th Avenue offers $2 coffees from 2-5 p.m. I don’t care if there’s some back-alley Asian eatery that serves up fresh dog every morning. My hatred for Rachael Ray knows no bounds.
It only got worse from there. Last week as I was doing the weekly trip to the grocery store I noticed that Ms. Ray has defiled my store’s Triscuit boxes, among other Nabisco products. Why Nabisco, why? Now every time I reach for a box of this wheaty goodness I get to see her on the box with that look of “Hey, I’m a millionaire just for telling people how to cook a bunch of crappy stuff.” I’m sure if I ever see nl-asshole in real life I’d probably get the same feeling as I now do every time I walk down the cracker aisle of my neighborhood supermarket.
• KKK's Top 103 Posters List
So back a week or so ago I was looking at someone’s favorite something-or-other list, and I suddenly got inspired to do my own list of top/favorite posters at TSM. As I began typing away the names of user handles that popped into my head, I had no idea how many names I would continue with before stopping. I got up to 103 before getting bored, and also because I was too lazy to trim off the three names that would make my list an even 100 number. After looking over this list a day or so later I did a little re-arranging of the order and finalized it. So, without further ado, I kick-off KKK's Top 103 Poster List.
Number 103: Sideburnious
Sideburnious falls under the category of posters I like but I don’t spend much, if any, time talking to. I think one reason I'm having some trouble coming up with a "favorite Sideburnious moment" is because he’s “TSM Invisible Poster.” However, he’s not invisible enough to make #103 on my list.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
So who will be in the 102 spot? Tune in and find out.
• So tonight will bring to an end to “Charmed,” one of those shows that I have no idea why I watch. Actually, I know the reason. A year or two ago the better half began watching this program on TNT with three chicks talking and doing nothing but show off cleavage for an hour before finally vanquishing someone (or something) at the end. After asking her what the show was about and being told that it deals with three witches who do a bunch of stuff I retreated to another room. Months went by and every time this show was on television Mrs. kkk would be there watching it. The few times I saw more than 10 seconds of this program I asked questions as to what the hell was going on. The answers I got most of the time just confused me more. "If Cole is the source of all evil why then did he stop being a lawyer?" "Didn't Shannon Doherty used to be on that show?" How come the chick who replaced Shannon can teleport while the others can't?" "Didn't they already kill those Triads before?" "How come Leo can't heal people anymore?" Anyway, whenever a holiday or birthday would come around, getting the latest “Charmed” season released on DVD was always an easy gift choice to get. Because the better half watched these shows nonstop I inevitably started watching them, and once the show came back for a final season on the WB I watched it along with her. Now it’s the series finale and I’ll be hoping that Billie dies a miserable death. If you don’t know who Billie is, don’t ask. Trust me, you’ll be better off that way.
Because my overall cumulative record was near .500 before this week’s of games took place, I knew I was in for some trouble. Before even looking at this particular slate of games, I had a bad feeling about this.
Baltimore at Cincinnati (3.5). Incorrect.
I felt the Bengals would be the more desperate of the two teams, but I still went with the Ravens. For what reason I don’t know. Should have went with my first thought.
Arizona at St. Louis (6.5). Correct.
Not only did the Cardinals win, but they won by two touchdowns. Shouldn’t I get a bonus point or something?
Atlanta at Washington (1.5). Incorrect.
Could the Falcons be righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason? Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is they screwed me this week.
(4.5) Dallas at N.Y. Giants. Incorrect.
Well the Cowboys won but they didn’t cover the spread. Sure it was a divisional game, but it doesn’t do me any good.
Detroit at New England (13.5). Incorrect.
I called picking New England a “steal” this week. Not only did they fail to cover, but also they almost outright lost. To Detroit. Ugh.
(7.5) Indianapolis at Tennessee. Incorrect.
Not only did the Colts fail to cover, but also they outright lost. To Tennessee. Ugh. Well, the Titans are playing better as the season has gone on. But still.
Jacksonville at Miami (2.5). Incorrect.
Looks like the Jaguars are righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason.
(5.5) Kansas City at Cleveland. Incorrect.
Oh for Christ’s sake, this is getting ridiculous. Don’t any of these playoff bubble teams that I pick want to continue their season past Week 17?
Minnesota at Chicago (9.5). Incorrect.
Having watched this game, the Vikings did not deserve to get this win. And by “win” I mean not lose by double digits.
(1.5) N.Y. Jets at Green Bay. Correct.
Yay. I got one right.
(5.5) San Diego at Buffalo. Incorrect.
Sure it wasn’t an impressive win, but it’s victories like this that can determine whether a team is playing at home in the conference championship game rather than going on the road.
San Francisco at New Orleans (7.5). Correct.
And here I was actually worried about the point spread to this game.
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (7.5). Correct.
I thought the Steelers would probably win, but I was hoping for the Buccaneers to keep it close. I was wrong. I sense a trend.
Houston at Oakland (3.5). Correct.
Oakland? Favored? I need as many gimmies as possible this week.
Seattle at Denver (3.5). Correct.
Didn’t watch this game. Have no idea what took place. Seahawks won. That’s all I care about.
(3.5) Carolina at Philadelphia. Incorrect.
Not only did the Eagles win, but also they have a shot at making the playoffs. I’m not saying this will happen, but I’d love to see what the Philadelphia region would do should Jeff Garcia take the Eagles on a magical playoff run that resulted in a Super Bowl win. All with Donovan McNabb watching from the sideline.
This week’s record: 6-10
Cumulative record: 93-99
Drat. And I was so close to mediocrity.
