• KKK's Top 103 Posters List
So back a week or so ago I was looking at someone’s favorite something-or-other list, and I suddenly got inspired to do my own list of top/favorite posters at TSM. As I began typing away the names of user handles that popped into my head, I had no idea how many names I would continue with before stopping. I got up to 103 before getting bored, and also because I was too lazy to trim off the three names that would make my list an even 100 number. After looking over this list a day or so later I did a little re-arranging of the order and finalized it. So, without further ado, I kick-off KKK's Top 103 Poster List.
Number 103: Sideburnious
Sideburnious falls under the category of posters I like but I don’t spend much, if any, time talking to. I think one reason I'm having some trouble coming up with a "favorite Sideburnious moment" is because he’s “TSM Invisible Poster.” However, he’s not invisible enough to make #103 on my list.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
So who will be in the 102 spot? Tune in and find out.
• So tonight will bring to an end to “Charmed,” one of those shows that I have no idea why I watch. Actually, I know the reason. A year or two ago the better half began watching this program on TNT with three chicks talking and doing nothing but show off cleavage for an hour before finally vanquishing someone (or something) at the end. After asking her what the show was about and being told that it deals with three witches who do a bunch of stuff I retreated to another room. Months went by and every time this show was on television Mrs. kkk would be there watching it. The few times I saw more than 10 seconds of this program I asked questions as to what the hell was going on. The answers I got most of the time just confused me more. "If Cole is the source of all evil why then did he stop being a lawyer?" "Didn't Shannon Doherty used to be on that show?" How come the chick who replaced Shannon can teleport while the others can't?" "Didn't they already kill those Triads before?" "How come Leo can't heal people anymore?" Anyway, whenever a holiday or birthday would come around, getting the latest “Charmed” season released on DVD was always an easy gift choice to get. Because the better half watched these shows nonstop I inevitably started watching them, and once the show came back for a final season on the WB I watched it along with her. Now it’s the series finale and I’ll be hoping that Billie dies a miserable death. If you don’t know who Billie is, don’t ask. Trust me, you’ll be better off that way.
9:30 p.m.
• For those that don’t know who Myron Cope is, he was a longtime broadcaster for the Steelers until he retired a year or so ago. If you ever heard this annoying, grating voice on Steelers highlights from some “local voices” segment on ESPN or some other national sports media, chances are that was Myron. He was one of those guys you either adored or hated. I, of course, was indifferent. That was until he got into Mario Lemieux’s business by writing an editorial a few days ago telling him to keep the Penguins in Shittsburgh because it is the “right thing to do.” Here's what he wrote.
Hey Myron. Fuck you.
Put up millions of dollars to keep a team you played with for so many years, then you can tell Mario what “the right thing” is to do. And by the way, the Rooney family did threaten to move the Steelers back in the 1990s if their new stadium demands weren’t met. I’m not hating on the Rooneys, and they are good owners. However, don’t you even try to pull that pseudo-sentimental shit with me. When the Pirates and Steelers were in danger of leaving the area, the local media went apeshit with threats of doom and gloom if the Pirates relocated to Raleigh. City leaders didn’t give a damn about the Penguins until other areas began to court them. It’s called the free market. Deal with it, bitches.
6 p.m.
• Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Don’t know why I care, but it’s being broadcast everywhere. I never liked her. If that old guy didn’t put her in his will before nodding off, then she shouldn’t have gotten a dime.
• So North Carolina beat Duke last night. Yay. Duke is one of those teams you either love or hate, and I am the latter. I don’t even care much for UNC, but if I have to choose between the two, I’m the Tarheels through and through. Why am I talking about this? To segway to a Duke alumn currently in the NBA.
• Gee, what a surprise. Today’s Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption panelists expressed SHOCK and OUTRAGE over the comments of Philadelphia 76ers forward Shavlik Randolph, who said about John Amaechi.
Awesome. Simply awesome. Here’s what the rest of his quote said:
I always wondered how a gay guy could get away with staying in the closet when in the shower room after practice – wouldn’t there be certain … things … at attention? Not that I’d look. As long as someone doesn’t bring his gayness on me, I’m fine, too. Although I have to wonder how you can bring gayness on somebody. I guess you’ll know when it happens.
• Normally I’d be against such stupid regulation, but you know what: go ahead and ban iPods or whatever it is you fascists want to do. You latte-sippin’, hybrid-drivin’, soy-lovin’ New Yorkers are all about limiting the pleasure and enjoyment of other people (smokers, trans-fat eaters), it’s about time you got a taste of your own medicine.
Think about it. You have little Bobby crossing the street with his headphones blasting and can’t hear the horn of an approaching motorist. Suddenly, BLAM! Won’t you think of the children instead of your own greedy listening pleasure?
8 p.m.
• For those that care, the mail issue has been resolved. When I called the post office on Friday, I actually spoke to the chick that delivered mail on my street. Basically, she said that she couldn’t find my mailbox and though that rusted out piece of shit was indeed my mailbox. When I mentioned my neighbor who needs to get his mail at his doorstep, she said, “Oh I knew about that,” to which my response was, “then why was his mail with mine in the wrong mailbox. Silence. Oh, and that rusted mailbox is now hanging by a thread from its post.
• Here’s an update on the sterile Mexican family. Despite having the income of a part-time janitor, and the expenses of two test-tube kids, this household purchased a house, a new car and luxury items like a projection television. Did I mention they claimed bankruptcy a few years back due to maxed out credit cards? Well last night we discovered that – surprise – they are at least three months back on their mortgage payments with a house they bought less than 15 months ago. Whenever I hear welfare-reform opponents whine about how cruel we are to our nation’s poor, I get the urge to laugh until I cry.
• I hope there aren’t any great expectations for this place. LOL2007~!
If you dont' get the joke, go read a book. Then again, I don't read any of this hippie shit either.
1 p.m.
• So as I was driving to work this morning I heard on the radio some story about this local college athlete getting arrested due to a domestic dispute. I can’t tell you who the athlete was or what sport he played. All I can tell you is that the fight started over a set of car keys. Oh, and the chick saying that the “violence started after she hit him in the chest.” Uh, no, bitch – the violence started WHEN you hit that guy in the chest. I don’t advocate violence on females (unless, of course, they are really deserving of it, like when they don't have your dinner ready when you home from work), but when you bitches strike us first it should be on like Donkey Kong.
Ah, here's the story.
If all this is true, I wouldn't punish Benjamin outside of the normal criminal conduct code for two people fighting in public. A college basketball player for a Division 1A program and all she got was a bleeding knee along with a few scratches and bruises. I think she got off rather lucky. The only thing I'd fault Benjamin for is poor choice in women, but then again the article says "former girlfriend."
9 p.m.
• Movie spoilers ahead – you’ve been warned so don’t bitch.
So I was flipping through the channels today and came across the conclusion of one of the worst movies I ever spent more than five minutes watching: Mr. Magoo. Holy Christ was this one piece of shit, and the sad thing is when this appeared in the theaters it actually SOLD OUT several times during my stint as a cinema employee. Later on I caught the tail end of Sniper. It was OK for what it was – I’ve seen worse. Much worse. This prompted me to keep the television on Spike in order to watch Sniper 2, which was on afterward. Of course, the ADD in me flipped channels after they shot some guy. OK, so I lied – I was also watching the Cubs/Dodgers game and FAUX News Watchlol2007. They may have explained this at the start of Sniper 2 when Tom Berenger was leading some rednecks on a deer-hunting expedition, but I would have missed the dialogue: how did they explain Tom being able to fire a gun when his trigger finger got lopped off in the previous movie?
• Lindsay Lohan got drunk and wrecked her car, allegedly. I'm not going to link the story because I don't care. However, what I will post is the picture used in the article.
Do we have a match?
• Well today sucked hard. Not because there was some crack-whore meltdown at the in-laws annual Mother’s Day dining spectacular. In fact, that event was pretty mild, although the stuffed pork chop I ordered left something to be desired. The trouble came earlier in the morning when we had to rush Max to an emergency vet clinic. I mentioned in a previous entry that Max had been fighting a urinary tract infection, and we had him on some medication which seemed to be working. However, we then noticed he was having difficulty going to the bathroom. We took him to the vet again and they told us to change his diet and put him on another type of medication for a few weeks. Everything had been going well; there was no change in his behavior or in his litter habits. We thought he was over his troubles, but when the better half gave Dessa, JJ and Max their late-night feeding Saturday (we feed them twice a day – early in the morning and right before we go to bed), Max wasn’t all that interested in his food. This morning, his behavior got worse, and when he started crying under our spare bedroom we knew it was time to take him to the vet. The problem was that our regular vet’s office was closed, so we called a local emergency veterinarian hospital and took him there.
We knew what the diagnosis was already – he was suffering from blockage in his pee-hole, which is a serious condition for male cats. The vets sedated him and got the grit out, which was causing the obstruction. Fortunately, we got him there early and it looks like he’ll be OK; we should be able to bring him home tomorrow evening. I just thank whoever is up there that there was a 24-hour animal hospital around where I live because I don’t think Max would have made it if we had to wait until late Monday morning/afternoon to get him an appointment at our regular vet’s office. What was scary about all this was that we had been monitoring his behavior ever since he was diagnosed with an infection in early April, and he had always shown no real signs of a problem until late last night. So if you’re a pet owner, don’t hesitate to take your animal to the vet if you think something is wrong – if you don’t, the results can be deadly. Also, even if you have a regular vet and you are happy with his or her work, look around and see if your area has a 24-hour emergency center; you never know when you might need to go there.
• Wow. I watched live that overtime goal in the last Sabers/Senators game. I know the NHL tightened up the rules but goddamn, you at least have to make an effort to stop your opponent from waltzing in short-handed and scoring the series-clinching goal. I’m not sure what was worse – that or Lebron James’ game-winning lay-up against several members of the Wizards back in Round 1 of the NBA Playoffs.
• This is simply ... awesome.
8 p.m.
• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Santorum wasn't brought on as a CNN or MSNBC or cBS analyst.
Oh dear God no.
Rick, you're my n*gga and all that, but please don't be the token Jesus freak candidate in the '08 GOP primary. I know you're all about the lord and stuff, but just talk on television a lot and get paid well for your services.
7 p.m.
• I don’t know why this story prompted me to think back to an incident dating back to my high school days. I think it has to do with the one person hiding in a garbage can.
It was a Friday night and I had six friends over: Don, Jeff, Bryce, Greg, Matt and Kurt. Nothing exciting was going on; we were just playing Joe Montana Football on the Genesis when suddenly a few of us got in the mood to play football outside. Myself, Don, Jeff, Bryce and Greg went out. Did I mention that it was 2 a.m.? We didn’t think this was a big deal. We were wrong.
As we were playing some two-on-two with Greg being the quarterback for both teams, about 10 minutes went by when we suddenly saw these bright lights coming right at us, most likely from an officer of the law. We did the most sensible thing we could at that moment – run back into the house. The five of us headed to the backdoor and thought if we just kept quiet the police car would just go on its merry way. Bryce, Don and Greg went upstairs while Jeff and I stayed in the basement/game room. Someone from upstairs then said, “kkk, there’s a police car parked in front of your house.” That was about the time when I noticed someone shining a flashlight through the back door. The cop then opens the door and walks in. Jeff suddenly puts his hands in the air and the officer is telling all of us to go upstairs. It was at that time when I got upstairs that I noticed Bryce trying to act like he was asleep the whole time. He still had his shoes and jean jacket on with a FOOTBALL tucked under his arm. He was also shaking from the cold (this was around October/November), and as we all gathered in the living room, he muttered to Don, “I’m asleep.” In a memory that will stay with me even when Alzheimer’s takes every other image, Don smacks him on the head and says, “Get the fuck up asshole.” Matt and Kurt, who didn’t go out with us, were just waking up from their slumber and had no idea what the hell was going on. Their reactions were amusing, to say the least.
As the officer began asking us what we were doing, it was actually refreshing to honestly answer “no” to the question, “Were you drinking?” When asked why we ran, I think the collective answer was something like, “Because we’re idiots.” The officer believed us and brought in another cop who was waiting for us on a nearby street in case we had taken off in that direction. As they left, the said something like, “Next time you want to play football at 2 in the morning, give us a call and we’ll show you how the game is played.” We spent the next hour or two laughing about this and considering some of the other dumbshit I used to do, this was a funny story. Because I was a latch-key kid, my mom really didn’t care what I did. However, her one rule was, “I better not have the cops show up.” So you can imagine my horror whenever those law enforcement walkie-talkers were blaring in living room while the matriarch of the house slept in her upstairs bedroom.
3 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie said on SORTA RIGHT-WING RADIO today that even though he wants to raise the state sales tax, he's not really raising taxes, since he will "offset" this with property tax reductions. The same reductions he's been talking about since getting elected to a first term. And you people voted him in ... TWICE! Oh well, I guess this is how liberals feel about W. Then again, he was only voted in ... ONCE!! Thank you, Karl Rove and near-blind Jew voters.
11:45 p.m.
• So I was flipping channels earlier today and came across some hippie Vh1 show that showed mini-videos. Eh. Oh well, this one got a laugh out of me. While I'm sorta on this subject, I actually like that Gene Simmons show on A&E. I don't watch this program on a regular basis, but if there is nothing else playing I'll put the remote down. I'm not a huge fan of Kiss, but the fact Gene is so obsessed with money makes him one of my heroes.
7:30 p.m.
• I’ve bitched about this before, but I don’t care.
Boo-fucking hoo. If you can’t afford a home, then don’t get a subprime loan you stupid fucks. I know owning a home is the “American Dream” and all that shit, but go at it the right way. Make sound choices in your life. Don’t live beyond your means. And for the love of Christ, don’t get an adjustable mortgage rate. Unlike the family mentioned above in this pseudo-sob story, don’t worry about the foosball table and hot tub until after you get financial matters in order. Oh this shit pisses me off. Sometimes life can throw you a curveball, but if you are prepared for it you have a better chance at properly reacting to whatever comes your way. It pays to hold out for the best possible deal rather than instantly gratify yourself and have it come back to bite you in the ass later.
• If we don’t help out citrus farmers, the terrorists win.
Actually, this type of shit goes on all the time in politics – attaching some pork, err, orange, to a bill that has nothing to do with the added spending. But since Democrats are now in charge I’m OUTRAGED!
• I’m sure this guy, if convicted, can get the East Valley Tribune for free in the prison’s library.
8 p.m.
• So in the mornings on the way to work, the better half no longer lets me listen to the local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy. It’s not that she hates the host, it’s because she HATES the female co-host. What do we listen to instead? ESPN’s Mike and Mike in the Morning. Why? Because their voices “relax her.” Whatever. Now generally I can tolerate these two, but today they were getting on my last nerve. I guess this weekend is inter-league play for Major League Baseball. In fact, it’s RIVALRY WEEKEND. Whatever. These two dolts on the radio were rating each of these MLB RIVALRIES. Uh, guys, just because two teams play in the same city/state and in different leagues does not a rivalry make. The Indians and Reds are NOT a rivalry. The Cubs and Cardinals are. The Devil Rays and Marlins are NOT a rivalry. The Yankees and Red Sox are. I can’t stand it when the media try to manufacture hype with this inter-league shit.
The other thing that got on my nerves this morning was the talk about Kyle Farnsworth talking about Roger Clemens’ “family friendly” work schedule.
This of course got the Mikes’ panties in a wad. How DARE someone actually give their opinion. If Farnsworth would have said, “It doesn’t matter because we’re all a team, not I’m going to go out there and give my 110 percent,” these sportscasters would be bitching about how everybody’s afraid to speak their mind. It’s not like Farnsworth said he’s going to beat up the Rocket for getting a deal that any starting pitcher would take in a heartbeat. I understand the whole “don’t talk bad about your teammates” rule, but it’s not like Farnsworth is on the Giants and told a radio host that Bonds is a roided-up freak. Talk about making something out of nothing.
• Honestly, who really gives a shit?
And if only we used more stem cells, I bet Honest Abe could have leaped tall buildings in a single bound.
• Well no kidding.
Of course there’s the ol’ double standard. Is this really a surprise? However, the next sentence got a laugh out of me.
So white supremacists are “mainstream conservatives”? OMG AP LIBERAL BIAS~! Yeah, I know the comma separates the rednecks from the Neocons, but so what. Oh, and peep the crime and read the bullshit in the last paragraph of this article.
How exactly can you tell if this was a HATE CRIME or not? Would these two victims have to have "cracker" carved into them or something?
9:45 p.m.
• So last night I went to Red Robin for the first time ever. It opened up a year or so ago at the snazzy new Wal-Mart complex that replaced the dirt mall which was there. Did I say “dirt mall”? I meant “place of commerce that was just another victim to the EVIL Wal-Mart machine.” Anyway, this Robin place was one of those locations that the better half and I talked about going to one of these days but never got around to it. Until last night. Uh, it sells burgers. It has “bottomless fries,” although they Jew you on basket size so a second serving of these things is like one regular serving at any other chain eatery. I’ve heard stories about how great there burgers were, and being a burger guy I was looking forward to this saturated fat goodness. Eh, it’s a burger. No big deal. The real highlight though came with the white trash sitting in the booth across from us.
OK, people. If you are going to a restaurant for the first time, don’t be surprised if the food you order isn’t quite to your liking. I’m not saying to expect raw ground meat or burnt potato wedges. However, if the BREADING to your ONION RINGS wasn’t what you expected, don’t BITCH about it to the MANAGER and cause a scene. Jesus Christ. How about saying, “Excuse me, this is the first time I have eaten here and these onion rings aren’t what I expected. Would it be possible if you could please give me an order of fries instead?” Seeing how I hate onions, I didn’t look to see if this side dish was an extra charge or if it was a suitable substitute for the “bottomless” fries. But even if these things were an extra side dish, I’m sure these places understand the pitfalls of visiting an eatery for the first time and would have gladly removed this purchase from you bill. What I love about white trash like this is that they have all these lofty standards when they go out to eat at laymen restaurants, but I bet when they nuke their hot dogs at home that these items are either half-cooked or exploded all in the microwave. For the record, my crack-whore sister-in-law and out-of-control niece-in-law are two cretins that throw shit-fits at these places. Yeah, you shoot heroin into your veins, but you’ll have some cook in the back of Texas Roadhouse re-cook your steak three times because it was too undercooked. Guess what I, a first-time Red Robin customer, did when I got seated? I ordered something I knew I would like and kept the menu to look over while my burger was being made so I could get a better idea of what is available the next time I stop by.
Oh, and last night I also got fitted for two suit outfits at some tailor place that was having an uber-sale. Jacket, pants, shirt, tie: $199, plus $25 for tailoring adjustments. Holy fuck was this a great deal. What made me laugh was when the tailor lady was asking me what colors I preferred. I don’t know. I’m a guy. I wear black and white. You know why? You can’t go wrong with black and white. You don’t have to fret about the hue of a yellow-and-blue tie conflicting with a darkish blue sport coat. Hell, I don’t even know if this is an acceptable color combination to start out with. Know what I do? I wear a black jacket and white shirt. Well I ended up getting a gray suit and a black suit with some shirt and tie combinations that I already forgot what they looked like. I think this lady thought I was unemployed because when she asked what the occasion was for these outfits I said “job interview.” Later on when I talked with Mrs. kkk about getting a second outfit, the lady mentioned that they have a layaway plan. She also made a big deal about finding the right look for me to get this job I’m interviewing for. I had to let her know that if I don’t get this job, it sure as heck won’t be because of my wardrobe.
After the wardrobe purchase we bought some dry cat food for the kids. But this isn’t the regular Jew cat food. This is the super-special diet mix. Well, this stuff was on sale half off so we bought the last two bags of "indoor formula" that was on the shelf." The better half also bought some 100-screwdriver bit sale at Lowe’s for her dad and also for herself. This was also on sale, so all in all, especially after adding a trip to Sam's Club for essentials, it was a good night for saving.
3 p.m.
• More fun at work. Peep the following e-mail exchange from earlier today
“Do you happen to have the minutes from Meeting X in Connecticut?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I need them.”
“You want me to bring them upstairs?”
“Yes, since you didn’t let me know you had them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“But they (the minutes) were addressed to me.”
“I know that but you know that you don’t “get” them.”
Just because they were addressed to me I should have known they were intended for someone else. Ok then.
• Now we all know some of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male. But what about some of the worst things you can do to a Muslim female?
Oh, yeah. Killing them. That would suck.
Because my overall cumulative record was near .500 before this week’s of games took place, I knew I was in for some trouble. Before even looking at this particular slate of games, I had a bad feeling about this.
Baltimore at Cincinnati (3.5). Incorrect.
I felt the Bengals would be the more desperate of the two teams, but I still went with the Ravens. For what reason I don’t know. Should have went with my first thought.
Arizona at St. Louis (6.5). Correct.
Not only did the Cardinals win, but they won by two touchdowns. Shouldn’t I get a bonus point or something?
Atlanta at Washington (1.5). Incorrect.
Could the Falcons be righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason? Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is they screwed me this week.
(4.5) Dallas at N.Y. Giants. Incorrect.
Well the Cowboys won but they didn’t cover the spread. Sure it was a divisional game, but it doesn’t do me any good.
Detroit at New England (13.5). Incorrect.
I called picking New England a “steal” this week. Not only did they fail to cover, but also they almost outright lost. To Detroit. Ugh.
(7.5) Indianapolis at Tennessee. Incorrect.
Not only did the Colts fail to cover, but also they outright lost. To Tennessee. Ugh. Well, the Titans are playing better as the season has gone on. But still.
Jacksonville at Miami (2.5). Incorrect.
Looks like the Jaguars are righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason.
(5.5) Kansas City at Cleveland. Incorrect.
Oh for Christ’s sake, this is getting ridiculous. Don’t any of these playoff bubble teams that I pick want to continue their season past Week 17?
Minnesota at Chicago (9.5). Incorrect.
Having watched this game, the Vikings did not deserve to get this win. And by “win” I mean not lose by double digits.
(1.5) N.Y. Jets at Green Bay. Correct.
Yay. I got one right.
(5.5) San Diego at Buffalo. Incorrect.
Sure it wasn’t an impressive win, but it’s victories like this that can determine whether a team is playing at home in the conference championship game rather than going on the road.
San Francisco at New Orleans (7.5). Correct.
And here I was actually worried about the point spread to this game.
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (7.5). Correct.
I thought the Steelers would probably win, but I was hoping for the Buccaneers to keep it close. I was wrong. I sense a trend.
Houston at Oakland (3.5). Correct.
Oakland? Favored? I need as many gimmies as possible this week.
Seattle at Denver (3.5). Correct.
Didn’t watch this game. Have no idea what took place. Seahawks won. That’s all I care about.
(3.5) Carolina at Philadelphia. Incorrect.
Not only did the Eagles win, but also they have a shot at making the playoffs. I’m not saying this will happen, but I’d love to see what the Philadelphia region would do should Jeff Garcia take the Eagles on a magical playoff run that resulted in a Super Bowl win. All with Donovan McNabb watching from the sideline.
This week’s record: 6-10
Cumulative record: 93-99
Drat. And I was so close to mediocrity.
6:30 p.m.
• Wait a second, so a government school does nothing when several kids make fun of a Mormon student’s religion, but when she responds to them by saying, “that’s so gay” she's the one who gets in trouble?
Good God, I can’t imagine what would have happened to me and some of the shit I used to say. And this reason…
…doesn’t cut it. Sorry, but what the government school did was … well, gay. I miss the good ol' days when you could play "smear the queer," and it wouldn't be considered a hate crime.
• Speaking of gay, I saw PTI had the gay ex-NBA baler. Well, he probably still is a baller, but not the way he did back during his playing days. Anyway, it was funny to hear that interview only to hear this story later on in the show.
And many pro athletes are worried about teammates sporting boners in the shower room?
Most of the time I can’t stand the media, but I don’t know which is worse: national or local press. You’ve got the national media that never leaves their news offices in New York City or Washington, D.C., and thinks that anyone who doesn’t live in these two regions is in flyover country. Then again, you’ve got the other side of the coin with local media and the stupid stories that appear at roughly the same every year. On the commute home this afternoon I was listening to a local top-of-the-hour newscast, and one of the top stories was about people in the southwestern Pennsylvania area seeing the first snowflakes of the season. Christ almighty, these so-called reporters were even asking these people what the snowflakes looked like. They looked like snow you assholes. But this isn’t as bad as whenever the price of gasoline rises and these on-the-scene reporters ask people filling up their SUVs how they feel about the sudden jump in gas prices. What the fuck do you expect to get? “You know, I was thinking just the other day that I wasn’t paying enough for my 93 Premium.” Of course you’re going to get a bunch of nimrods going, “RAAAAR I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE RAAAAR!” Another favorite “story” is whenever the local cable company raises rates and the newscasters act like this is some breaking story. “OMG HOLD ON TO YOUR WALLETS CABLE PRICES ARE GOING UP BY 10 PERCENT!!” Christ, it’s only a few dollars; it’s not that big a deal, and if it is then your household has other problems and shouldn’t even be ordering cable in the first place. Put down the food stamps and use your cable money for something else.
Whenever I was in college, a similar event took place every spring when the cost of tuition for the next school year would increase. Yeah, like this ever came as a surprise; the real story would be if tuition went DOWN for one year. This reminds me of a story back during my school newspaper days when there was this announced tuition increase that also included another provision that basically eliminated subsidies for students who were not commuter students but didn’t live in the dorms. Basically these freeloaders were taking financial aid just for living in apartments in the city, but with the shitty dorms in the college I attended for two-and-a-half years who could blame any of these kids? Then again, with the school’s dorms always only one-half to three-fourths full, why should this college be giving money to students to live elsewhere? Shit, after I stopped to read what this new policy was, I actually gained a little bit of respect for the college’s administration for cutting off the moochers. Shit, the dorm vacancies were so bad our college was accepting students from the area’s one culinary school to live in the dorms. It was funny seeing these poor students, who would spend all day in hell’s kitchen, bitch to one another about having to go back into their stuffy, dilapidated dorm rooms. Well anyway, our school paper did an article about this new policy, which was basically a re-write of an article some real reporter in a real newspaper room wrote the week before. Of course, when it came time to write our newspaper’s editorial on the matter, it was funny to see the reaction some of our profs had when our opinion didn’t favor the students. I think part of our anti-student opinion stemmed from the fact most of us who wrote the piece were commuter students and didn’t give a fuck about some freeloader getting a subsidy to live away from the dorms when there was more than enough space for them to get their ass in one of these rooms. Hey, that’s part of that whole “college experience” I missed out on because I lived with mommy and worked 40+ hours per week.
...
Where the hell was I going with this?
Well, since today is the big “H” day, I figured it might as well be appropriate to look back at my childhood and remember how I dealt with this special time. I always liked Halloween, and it was for the same reason ninety-nine percent of kids across America did – for the free candy. Well, it isn’t exactly free; you have to sport a costume and walk from house to house demanding sweets. I tried to remember some of my old costumes, and here is what I came up with, in no particular order:
Early-to-mid-1980s: My mom sewed a badass Star Wars X-Wing Pilot outfit. I think I remember her getting some how-to kit and making it herself, but in the end I didn’t care because I got to pimp around in an orange-and-white outfit with a blaster at my side. Throughout the original Star Wars trilogy, I was always more partial to Han Solo than to Luke Skywalker (what heterosexual kid isn’t?), but on this night it didn’t matter because for a few hours I was a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
Early-to-mid-1980s: I can’t remember whose idea this was, but one my old man took a huge box, shaped it up and covered it in yellow duct tape. Who was I? Pac Man. Again, this was one of those costumes I remember from my childhood simply because it was unique. There was one problem: the eye slit that was cut for me so I would see when I walked really limited my point of view (and forget about any peripheral vision). In addition, the box had a narrow opening at its bottom, and because of this it didn’t let me walk at my normal stride; I also remembered being sore as hell the next morning. If Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde (or whatever the names of those ghosts were) came looking for me, I would have been s.o.l. But who cares? For a few hours I was friggin’ Pac-Man.
There are two more costumes I remember sporting, and both dealt with movie characters from movies I loved back as a kid and still enjoy today. One was Eliot Ness. This get-up was easy. I wore a suit and those gangsta hats, along with a pellet shotgun and pistol – and neither one had that gay-ass orange barrel that toy guns today have on them. Another year I was dressed up as one of those marines from the “Aliens” movie. For those that have seen this film, I fancied myself as being the Hudson character, which, in the moments before his death, went batshit and began cussing at all the creepy crawlers before he was eventually done in. Now that’s a role model for the youth.
Sadly, what I associate most with Halloween now are the Christmas displays a number of stores now put out this time of the year. As a kid, the fall/winter holiday season broke up into three different sections for me: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s a bit depressing to see these three events snowball into one because when I was a kid, each one had significance for me. Halloween was for candy. Thanksgiving was for turkey. Christmas was for presents. Now these lines have been blurred to the point where anything after Labor Day is like one huge holiday where people dressed up in witches’ outfits with drumstick in their mouths are opening gift-wrapped boxes. Then again, maybe it has always been this way and I just don’t remember. Either way, I really don’t care.
Because for a few minutes I got to remember that for a few hours I was once a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
Oh righty. Let’s see if I can end the regular season on a positive note.
(2.5) N.Y. Giants at Washington
The Giants still have a shot at the playoffs. From NFL.com:
I’ll make it easy. Redskins win, Tiki’s dreams of a Bettis-like sendoff get dashed and everyone can blame the coach.
Atlanta at Philadelphia (7.5)
The Falcons still have a shot at the playoffs. From NFL.com:
I’ll make this easy. The Falcons will lose. But will they lose by a big amount? I’ll say no.
Buffalo at Baltimore (9.5)
The Ravens still have a shot at claiming home-field advantage, and even though they’ll probably win, I’ll give the Bills a fighting chance.
(2.5) Carolina at New Orleans
The Panthers are still in the playoff hunt, but I still have that bad taste a few weeks back against the Steelers where they quit, so I’ll say go Saints.
Cleveland at Houston (4.5)
No playoff talk here. Houston will probably win, but will they win by four-and-a-half points? Sure.
Detroit at Dallas (12.5)
I hope the Cowboys get up by 10 and then put it in cruse control.
Green Bay at Chicago (2.5)
The Packers can clinch a playoff. From NFL.com:
But the Bears will win and ruin what could possibly be BRETT FAVRE’S FINAL REGULAR-SEASON NFL GAME.
Jacksonville at Kansas City (2.5)
Both teams need this win to bolster their playoff chances. Will the Chiefs lost two home games in December in the same season? I’m going with history on this one.
Miami at Indianapolis (9.5)
After that Houston loss, now I’d say it’s panic time for the Colts. Then again, maybe this “nothing-to-lose” mindset going into the playoffs might be good for Indianapolis.
New England at Tennessee (3.5)
Will this second-half-of-the-season rally stop here for the Titans? I’ll be a party pooper and say yes.
Oakland at N.Y. Jets (12.5)
I’ll say the Jets will win, but not by a dozen points.
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (6.5)
For all the crap the Steelers have gone through this season, to finish 8-8 will be much better than 7-9. However, I have to imagine the Bengals will be out for blood after what happened the last time the Bengals hosted the Steelers.
Seattle at Tampa Bay (3.5)
Even though Seattle has clinched the NFC West, that’s not saying much. I’m sure they would like end the season on a winning note before trying to make it back to the Super Bowl.
(2.5) St. Louis at Minnesota
The Rams can clinch a playoff spot, according to NFL.com, if the following happens.
I’ll say why not.
Arizona at San Diego (13.5)
Wow. I’m sure the Chargers will win, but will they win by that big a margin? Hopefully, the Chargers’ second unit will be able to trounce the Cardinals’ starters.
San Francisco at Denver (10.5)
The Broncos will probably win, but the 49ers will make it a game.
8:30 p.m.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 43: Anglesaut
I don’t frequent the wrestling folders of this place; the same goes with many of those “The One And Only” threads talking about a baseball playoff series, or something of that nature. So when people complained about Anglesaut’s obsession with the New York Yankees, I turned a blind eye. (Or is it a deaf ear?) I will remember this banned poster for something he said, but it wasn’t posted in a wrestling or sports thread. It was in one of the many cookie-cutter current events threads that talked about some youth cretin tried to kill his family/teacher/friend/etc. You know the thread. This is when all the hate-mongers (like me) wanted this person dead while all the pussies wanted to give him counseling and hugs. In response to some “a 14-year old doesn’t know what he’s doing,” response, Mr. Sault replied, “I'm fairly certain that these kids knew that the fire boom-boom stick would cause boo-boos.” One of my favorite lines.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From SFA Jack:
4:30 p.m.
• Some free advice. When your better half asks you what you have planned for the day (Sunday, January 14) before her birthday, don't say, "watching football."
3 p.m.
• Let’s see how well I did with my Wild Card pickkks.
Kansas City at Indianapolis (7.5)
Well, I got Indy right. I predicted them to win and they did. I do feel bad for the Chiefs defensive unit though. My God was Kansas City’s offense anemic. I thought they might start the game throwing or doing some playaction since the talk I heard all week was that Larry Johnson was going to get 50 carries. I remember last year the Steelers started the game out unexpectedly by throwing a few passes to their tight end Heath Miller, and I thought the Chiefs might do the same. I was wrong. And the Colts really need to sign that Ty Law so he won’t intercept Peyton Manning in the playoffs.
Dallas at Seattle (3.5)
I was wrong. Seattle won, but not by more than a field goal. After watching that botched field-goal snap, I have to thank my stars that Romo didn't run in for a touchdown and instead got tackled before reaching the first-down marker. Good God, that play would be playing on ESPN in a continous loop.
New York Jets at New England (8.5)
Wrong, but it was an entertaining game. Even though I thought the Pats would win with a close final score, the Jets played them tough until that fatal backwards pass which changed the entire complexion of the game.
New York Giants at Philadelphia (7.5)
Poor Emily. I got this game right –– a narrow Philly win -- but what scared me during this contest is that I realized what the media coverage would be like should Emily and Peyton ever meet in the Super Bowl. Good thing that’s not going to happen this year. I still get the shivers whenever I think back to MANNING BOWL I all the way back in Week 1 of this season.
11:15 a.m.
• So there's a stink in New York City.
And how exactly is this news -- was there more cab drivers than usual on the road?
9:30 a.m.
• So yesterday I was debating on whether or not to come into work today. My work is ahead of schedule, but I'm a freak when it comes to getting work done early. I know if I didn't come in today, my idiot boss will have some time-consuming project waiting for me Monday, and I would spend half the day kicking myself for not taking advantage of working during the weekend. Well, I found out that our area should be getting at least 4-8 inches Tuesday, so now it's time to come in and call off Tuesday. I'm envisioning the traffic nightmares right now. I know my friends north of the border are used to 4-8 inches in the summertime, but this ain't Canada. This is Shittsburgh. There's a big difference. Trust me on this one.
8:30 p.m.
• Due to popular demand (Read: one person) asking for additional pics of the kids, here we go:
This one features JJ guarding the computer desk. Featured in this photo are a Godzilla cup holder from Taco Bell back in the 1990s when they tried to give Godzilla a make-over. Being how I am Godzilla > King Kong, I actually looked forward to the movie at the time until I actually watched it at the theater. Even though I didn't like what they did with my favorite lizard, I'm not going to badmouth it as much as some other people do. They tried something different. It flopped. I moved on. Also featured is some pre-paid cell phone that I haven't re-added minutes to in several years and has been disconnected. Why I got this as a birthday gift is beyond me. I don't get any calls on the land-line; why in the hell would I want to remember another phone number? Sorry, but I'm not paying $20 every three months for minutes just so I can call Mrs. kkk at the store to let her know her garlic-flavored pita shells are out of stock and to find out what other flavor she wants instead. Bitch, you'll get the plain flavor and like it.
Oh, and the sheets of paper above JJ on the shelf? Those are the score sheets I used for kkk Bowl IV. He's also plopped on a Madden '93 instruction manual for the Sega Genesis.
5:45 p.m.
• So I was watching Around the Horn today and the "Out of Bounds" segment featured a "serious" discussion on Imus' comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team. It was "serious" because no points were distributed. You know it's serious when that happens. So I waited with baited breath for Pardon the Interruption because I was sure there would be a segment talking about the same thing. I was right. Wilbon didn't disappoint with his "he's a bigot" talk (and I actually don't blame him on this one), but Kornhiser was a riot by defending him and saying that he used to appear on that radio show and how Imus brings in political figures like John McCain. Good thing Imus didn't say the sports media overhyped the Rutgers team because they wanted to see a team made up mostly of black players succeed, huh Tony?
2 p.m.
• Oh man, this story made for a fun ride home from work yesterday.
Better Half: “Did you hear that story of the signs that said ‘honk once for Jesus…’”
Me: “…and twice for Satan. Yeah. What about it? Guess how many times I would have honked?”
BH: “Twice.”
Me: “Yes, because I love Jesus twice as much as you do.”
BH: *Starts bitching about something that I can’t remember.*
Me: “What’s wrong with saying that you love Satan? Jesus said to love everyone.”
BH: “But Satan’s evil.”
Me: “So? Jesus said everyone. I think I just found a loophole in this whole Christianity thing.”
BH: “I hate you.”
Me. “But yet you married me. See, Jesus was right when he said you should love everyone.”
I’m just glad she didn’t counter with something like “'love' isn’t the same as 'marriage'” because then I would have had to concede the round.
1:45 p.m.
• I didn't bother reading the article, I just laughed at the headline.
Of course the Poor will suffer most. They're poor. We needed a report to make us aware of this? You know, with the amount of money spent to create this report, that loot could have went to the Poor. So I guess that the Poor have suffered the most from reading this Climate Report. Then again, they didn't actually read it because the Poor can't afford computers and Internet service.
12:15 p.m.
• Ah, nuts. I heard this story a while after it happened, so I'm sure the Billy Fudge-Packer jokes have already been spent.
If you PC homos want to get offended at someone, get offended at the dictionary. This reminds me of the great niggardly escapade that happened a while ago.
Why don't you bitches picket outside of Big Dictionary offices and demand to have these mean words stricken from the English language? Wait a second, I didn't know about this part. Continuing the Wikipedia entry from above.
So in this game of "Who is Offended More?" we have Gays vs. Blacks: the unstoppable force vs. the immovable object, the Beast of the East vs. the Best of the West. So I guess it's safe to say that Howard didn't fag out over the niggardly fiasco. Well, he may have fagged out later that night, but that's neither here nor there. And after all he went through I at least hope he got to be that evening's starting pitcher, unless he thinks it's better to receive than give.
10 p.m.
• Regarding SFA Jack’s workday: One time the fire alarm went off at my place of employment and everybody in the building was like, "uh what do we do?” How about LEAVE THE FUCKING BUIDLING? Was this alarm a short circuit or something like that? Probably. But it’s a FIRE ALARM. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed out. I don’t care if there wasn’t a fire. I didn’t want to be one of those people caught in a raging inferno and have it announced later that despite the fire alarm going off I stayed in the building. Christ, I’m not that stupid.
• You know the funniest thing about this -- I actually paused for several seconds and thought, “Did I really type that earlier today? I don't even remember logging in to TSM today.”
• So the better half and I went to our one friend’s house tonight (the one with the one baby daddy in jail for armed robbery, for those keeping score at home). Not only did her and the baby daddy of kid #2 overpay for this house, but they got an adjustable and the so-called man of the house has a problem with credit-card debt. From what I heard, he maxes out his cards on frivolous shit. Ugh. Seriously, you’re not a kid anymore. You’ve got a mortgage, a pseudo-wife and two kids – one of which isn’t yours. You chose this life. Now deal with it. And by “deal with it,” I don’t mean “go out and buy stupid shit.”
• Christ, I have to go to a stupid board meeting where I sit there all day an collect a per diem that’s half of what I make in a normal workday. With me coming in on Sunday to finish up some work, I would be coming in for a full week, Sunday-Saturday. I thought about this for a second and realized what a lazy shit I’ve become. Back in the day I went to school and worked full-time, I worked two jobs/seven days/60+ hours per week. Now I’m bitching about this? Well, yeah.
• When I was taking out the trash at around 10:30 p.m. last night, I noticed several kids on my street playing football with a glow-in-the-dark pigskin. I then got one of those flashbacks to when I was in high school and did stuff like that. I was bummed for a second until I realized how much I like my present years more than my teen years, believe it or not. Yeah, I was a real bitter, cynical sonofabitch back then.
• Speaking of sorta mid-life crises, the better half got “Wild Hogs” from the mother-in-law to watch tonight. Jesus Christ. I knew this was going to be bad, and I was right. Sadly, Mrs. kkk found it hilarious. Oh well, at least Ray Liotta was a surprise. I had no idea he was that desperate for money.
Well I had a Seinfeld moment yesterday. The better half and I decided to take our separate bank accounts and merge them into one. When we went to her bank to close out her account, and withdraw the whopping $1.50 from her savings account (OK, she also had her most recent paycheck in there, too), we approached this bank teller who looked to be in her early 20s. As this relatively thin woman nervously typed in some numbers on her computer, one thing above all else stuck out at me. She had Man Hands. God damn were they Man Hands. How these sausages managed to push down only one key at a time were beyond me. The reason I noticed these Man Hands was because we were at her station for at least 10-15 minutes. The reason? She didn’t know the first thing about closing an account and had the old “Customer Service Representative in headlights” look. I’m not complaining, mind you, because this “headlights” feeling is one of the worst things anyone can experience, outside of unsuccessfully trapping a soccer ball with your inner thigh without wearing a jock strap. It’s funny when I hear some people who have never worked a customer-service job in their life complain when a cashier took longer than four seconds to give out proper change. Look, I know there are dipshits out there ringing registers, but not every cashier is a high school dropout who can’t perform basic match. My theory as to how normally bright people can suddenly clam up in situations like this isn’t because they can’t do the job, it’s that they aren’t used to be put on the spot like this. It’s like having to perform improv in front of an audience, and many people, especially if they’re new to something, just aren’t cut out for that sort of thing.
Believe me, I know this feeling. There’s nothing like thinking you can answer just about anything a customer asks you, and then getting thrown for a loop with the first customer of the day who asks you something. The only way to deal with these types of experiences is to live through them. For me the most aggravating of these situations is when you are giving a customer change and they throw the old “here’s a few extra dollars, now give me a $10 bill instead of $5 and three $1s. Like I said before, the actual math of this equation is simple enough, but when you’re into hour seven of your shift, have four other people waiting in line, and have another customer asking you a question about something else, it’s easy to get flustered. And when you pause for a few seconds to get an idea of what’s going on, the spotlight suddenly shines brighter on you, and your every action and reaction is being judged by a bunch of people who think you’re not worthy of earning your $6/hour wage. For the record, my way of dealing with this is to not let the customer’s “extra $2” get anywhere near the $8 in change I was about to give him. Once that transaction was complete, I would then take the $10 in loose bills, put it in my register, and give out a $10 bill. Simple, effective and foolproof. And the only way I learned this was by trial and error, and then even more error.
Back to the bank. So when this teller looked around for someone to help her out with a procedure she probably never had to do, and was only trained on for a few minutes when she started this job, what did I do? I stepped aside and worked on something else, trying to make her uncomfortable situation a little more bearable. I don’t know if it helped any, but it had to have been better than if I were to stand over her and impatiently tap my fingers on her counter.
One of the things that really sucks about being an adult is your “days off” and “vacations” aren’t quite the same as they were when you were a kid. I had Thursday and Friday of this week off from work, and what did I do? On Thursday, I spent the afternoon doing yard work, and on Friday I spent most of the day cleaning the house. No goofing around; no playing video games (much); no going over to a friend’s house (provided I had any) to goof around and play video games. Nothing. And it only got worse today because for our neighborhood had a garage sale and the better half decided we needed to unload some of our junk onto willing buyers. My experiences with these kinds of sales are limited; back in the day I went to this local flea market a few times to buy sports cards and crappy baseball hats, and that’s about the extent of my flea market/garage sale expertise. Mrs. kkk had agreed to take part of this event and spent all week pricing our junk. Most of the stuff we that were going to pimp were leftover wedding materials (centerpieces, candles, etc.) from our wedding, but she also rummaged through some other trinkets that have been tossed aside. Still sore from two days’ worth of work around the house, I was woken up at 7 this morning and told to get ready for six hours’ of selling. Yippie. After getting a shower, I trudged out to our driveway, where the better half already had our several tables of crap on display. As I stood out there in the brisk autumn air, I thought to myself who seriously stops by these places to engage in this sort of commerce?
As it turned out, quite a bit more people than I had initially thought.
After 10 minutes, people started arriving on our street looking at all the stuff we had deemed worthy for purchase. All in all, it was a successful day – the better half got more than $105 for our crap, but the transaction I will forever remember revolved around a $1 sale involving a VHS tape. We had about a dozen or so VHS tapes out on display; because we had each of these movies on DVD, we figured this might be a good opportunity to unload these tapes. This old guy stopped by and was looking through our titles. And what did he eventually select? Did he select the awesomeness that is one of the three Indiana Jones films? No. Was it "Enemy of the State," a movie I was so-so about, but I’ve heard good reviews from other people I know? Nope. Was it "G.I. Jane," a film that I thought would be a feminazi piece of shit but actually turned out way better than I had expected? Na-ah. What movie did this guy, after reading the back cover of its box, finally decide upon?
(keep scrolling)
Remember how I said our VHS collection had been upgraded to DVD? Well, I lied. One movie didn’t make the cut, and this was it. Years ago I bought "I Got the Hook Up" because I wanted to see how awful a Master P-produced film could be, and not awful in the “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” awful where “awful” is actually “good.” I’m talking “awful” in “how the fuck did this ever get created?” I think the worst thing about the old guy purchasing this from us is that he’s soon going to watch this piece of shit, remember where it was that he bought it and try to get even by setting our house on fire. I’m praying he got this VHS as a gag or as a gift to his wigger grandson who is kicking it g-style in the heart of suburbia. Another sad facet of this story is that shortly after this old guy left with his prize, these kids came by and bought all of our VHS taps; one of them even pointed out to his one friend that “Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice in the Hood” was a great movie. At least with this customer I would have known that “I got the Hook up” would have gone to a loving home not to be thrown into the trash after just 10 minutes of viewing.
Might as well get this over and done with.
Buffalo at Chicago (7.5). Incorrect.
It looks like the Bears were better and the Bills not as scrappy as I had once thought. I’m curious to see if Chicago can keep this good play going through the regular season and into the playoffs.
Cleveland at Carolina (8.5). Correct.
I knew the Browns weren’t going to win, but my theory of them scoring on their last drive to get within the 8.5 needed to secure a victory for me was correct. Congrats Romeo Crennel for going for the field goal late to cut the Panther lead to eight points instead of wasting four downs trying to get a touchdown.
Detroit at Minnesota (6.5). Incorrect.
Goddamnit. Everything was going according to plan until the Lions began playing like they were, well, the Lions.
Miami at New England (10.5). Incorrect.
Lost by half-a-point. Well, that evens out the Cleveland win I had earlier.
(3.5) St. Louis at Green Bay. Incorrect.
Lost by half-a-point. Well, that makes the Cleveland win I had earlier all but a distant memory.
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (6.5). Incorrect.
I’m surprised that back-up quarterback for Tampa Bay did as well as he did. Was that because he’s that good or the Saints defense is that unreliable?
Tennessee at Indianapolis (18.5). Correct.
Wow, I thought the Titans would lost by double digits, not by a single digit. Either way I look smart (at least for this game). For Indy’s sake, I hope the Colts are just on cruise control and not reeling from last year’s playoff loss and the departure of Edgerrin James. Actually, if I had to get rid of one of Indy’s “Big Three” (Manning, James or Harrison), it would have been James. I’m starting to wonder if this might be Indy’s year to go to the Super Bowl. Back in the 1994-1995 season, everyone thought the Steelers would be headed to the big game, but they got beat by a Chargers team in the Conference Championship game. The next year, with just a fraction of the hype, they made it only to lose to the Cowboys. I’m getting a similar vibe with the Colts this year that I had with the Steelers of the 1955-1996 season.
Washington at N.Y. Giants (4.5). Incorrect.
Any week Emily wins is a bad week.
(3.5) Kansas City at Arizona. Incorrect.
The Chiefs demolish the 49ers at home, squeak by the Cardinals on the road and Arizona defeated San Francisco several weeks ago. I guess that’s why they place the games. Christ, now I just made a Chris Berman remark.
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (7.5). Correct.
Nice to be with the winning team during a blowout contest.
Oakland at San Francisco (3.5). Incorrect.
This is like the “Cripple Fight” of the NFL.
Dallas at Philadelphia (2.5). Incorrect.
Even though Philly played a much better game, Dallas managed to stay in it until the very end. I heard later Owens was acting like, Owens. I heard some talk about how Drew Bledsoe can’t win the big game, which is interesting to me because I remember him coming in for an injured Tom Brady in an AFC Conference Championship game at Pittsburgh a few years back and played rather well.
Pittsburgh at San Diego (3.5). Incorrect.
I went to bed at halftime. When I turned on the local news the next morning, the top story was the loss and whether or not Big Ben should have been pulled during the game. Let the “Roethlisberger Sucks” talk begin.
Baltimore at Denver (4.5). Incorrect.
I was right about Baltimore losing. I was wrong about the point spread. Shit, and I thought I had the Broncos in this one, too. C’est la vie.
This week’s record: 3-11. Cumulative record: 34-40.
Ouch. But at least I still have a better winning percentage (.459) than the Raiders, along with 13 other teams in the league.
• Well, I have for all intents and purposes gotten over this bug in me for the last week or so. And where am I going tonight? Why, to some hippie event dealing with an historical battle that took place around this region (either the Revolutionary or Civil War). On top of that, the better half and I will be taking our one niece and nephew. Oh, and I have I mentioned that the weather is absolutely shitty and it will probably be raining? You have no idea how difficult it is in controlling the erection I'm having over going to this.
• I watched this weeks’ South Park, and saw the Steve Irwin joke, which made its way to the Drudge Report via a British newspaper article citing the poor taste Trey Parker and Matt Stone displayed by including the Crocodile Hunter in Satan’s big Halloween Spectacular. It’s South Park – what do you expect? Besides, the joke wasn’t all that offensive; in fact, I thought it was rather tame. (I’m sure longtime fans of the show will remember Irwin getting chopped to bits in a previous episode dealing with sending a “primate” back to his time of 1996.) All in all, this episode was there and wasn’t as good as the last few episodes of this season. Then again, an “eh” episode of South Park is still better than just about anything else I watch, so I’m not complaining.
• Here are my NFL Week 8 pickkks:
Arizona at Green Bay (3.5)
After last week’s debacle, I’m surprised that the point spread is only three-and-a-half points.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (4.5)
I’m not sure which way to go on this one. Atlanta runs the ball and one of Cincinnati’s weak points is run defense. However, I’m sure the Bengals won’t have problems passing the ball. Shoot. I’ll go with the Falcons.
Baltimore at New Orleans (2.5)
Every time I have doubted the Saints they proved me wrong. Now it’s time to ruin their Cinderella story by picking them to win a game.
Houston at Tennessee (3.5)
I have no clue. Um, I’ve heard David Carr is having a good year, so I’ll take his team.
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (6.5)
Which Jaguar team will show up -- the one that beat the Redskins in overtime and shut down the Steelers offense, or the one that lost to the Texans last week? I’ll go with the Eagles.
Seattle at Kansas City (6.5)
Both teams will be starting their backup quarterbacks. I’ll go with Kansas City because they’re at home and plus their starting running back is playing.
San Francisco at Chicago (16.5)
Give me the Bears and the spread. The 49ers burned me against Kansas City a few weeks back when I thought they would manage to keep that game somewhat competitive.
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (9.5)
I think the Giants will win, but Tampa Bay has been playing teams close the last few weeks.
St. Louis at San Diego (9.5)
Like the game above, I think the Chargers will win, but I’m hoping the Rams keep the game close.
Indianapolis at Denver (2.5)
I’m interested to see how the Colts play this game. This may also be a game to determine who gets home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (1.5)
I can’t think of a reason why the Jets will win.
(9.5) Pittsburgh at Oakland
For the Steelers’ sake I hope they win, but I’m not sure if they will do it by 9-plus points.
Dallas at Carolina (5.5)
The Cowboys have been feasting on bad teams, but whenever they match up against a good franchise their weaknesses show. I don’t think Romo will have a fun day, either.
(2.5) New England at Minnesota
Finally, a Monday Night Football game I’m interested in watching. I think the Patriots’ defense will stifle the Viking offense just enough for New England to win by more than a field goal.
Let's see if this week I can match up the teams I pick to win/cover with what I actually say beneath each game.
(5.5) Atlanta at Detroit
The Falcons upset the Bengals last week, and I'm a little wary of them having one of those “letdown” games. Good thing they’re playing the Lions this week, or I’d be more worried about that 5.5 spread.
Cincinnati at Baltimore (3.5)
I’ve been going back and forth with this one. You’ve got Cincinnati’s offense versus Baltimore’s defense. Whenever there’s a matchup like this, I usually flip the roles and compare the other units for this game (well that sounded a little gay). So, how will Baltimore’s offense matchup against Cincinnati’s defense? Hmm, I’ll go with the Ravens, although I don’t like that point spread.
(3.5) Dallas at Washington
The Redskins have been a schizophrenic team this year, and this is a divisional contest on their home field. However, the Cowboys impressively beat the Panthers last week on the road and defeated the Redskins earlier this year, so I’ll give Dallas the benefit of the doubt in this matchup.
Green Bay at Buffalo (3.5)
At the end of this season the Packers will probably look vastly improved from last year’s dismal effort. This is because they are beating crappy teams on their schedule. Shit, my first instinct was going with Green Bay, but now I’m starting to lean toward Buffalo. I better skip to the next entry before I change my mind 20 times on this one.
Houston at N.Y. Giants (13.5)
I’m sure the Giants will win this game, but will it be by two touchdowns? They’re playing the Texans. They’re playing at home. I’ll go with the G-men this week.
Kansas City at St. Louis (2.5)
The Rams have a nice home-field advantage, but I think this is more of a must-win situation for the Chiefs. Ah, shit. I heard some ESPN guy say the same thing earlier this week.
Miami at Chicago (13.5)
If I’m going with the Giants with the same spread, I’ll take the Bears, too. However, when Chicago went 15-1 back in 1985, weren’t the Dolphins the only team to hand them a defeat?
(1.5) New Orleans at Tampa Bay
If the point spread was any higher, I would have went with the Buccaneers. However, because the difference is only a point-and-a-half, I’ll see if New Orleans can make it a season sweep from Tampa Bay.
Tennessee at Jacksonville (9.5)
Jacksonville lost to Houston two weeks ago and beat Philadelphia last week. Which Jaguars team will show up this week? I don’t know, but Tennessee beat Houston last week, so I’ll go with the Titans to try and keep this game close.
(5.5) Minnesota at San Francisco
The Vikings got beat by the Patriots on Monday night, so will this be a game where they’re going to take out their frustrations on an inferior team, or will the 49ers be able to sneak one by Minnesota? Well, San Francisco has been manhandled by good teams as of late. I’ll opt for the “sneak win/close game” this week, although I’m starting to get flashbacks of that horrid performance at Kansas City from earlier this year. However, every week can't be a 40-0 defeat for San Francisco, can it?
Cleveland at San Diego (12.5)
The Chargers are much like the Bears in the sense that when they play teams that they should beat, they do a good job of it.
Denver at Pittsburgh (2.5)
Wait a second. The Steelers are FAVORED in this one? Something’s up. Sure Roethlisberger had his best game as a pro in last year’s AFC Conference Championship game against the Broncos, but to be favored by two-and-a-half points? Something tells me the upcoming election isn't the only thing rigged this week.
Indianapolis at New England (3.5)
Whenever you have a matchup where one team has had a history of defeating the other one, I generally go with the team that has won more times than lost. However, I’m going against the grain with this one. Just because.
Oakland at Seattle (7.5)
If memory serves, Shaun Alexander has a field day with the Raiders. Problem is he’s not playing in this game. No matter. I’ll still take the Seahawks at home against the Raiders on Sunday night.
While I’m on the subject of football, let me say that I don't like the idea of allowing headsets into the helmets of offensive players other than the quarterback. Sure it’ll cut down on the number of penalties, such as false starts, but crowd noise is part of the game. I remember when headsets were put into the helmets of quarterbacks, and there was some grumbling back then. However, the quarterback is the offensive field general; I’ll give these guys a pass. The fans pay a lot of money to attend these games – let them do their best to give their hometown team an edge by trying to vocally rattle the opposing team.
A few days ago I was goofing on some commie faggot going up against this GOP Congresschick. This guy was running ads on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO station in the Shittsburgh market, and I was making fun of him for the waste of advertising money he spent that probably riled up the conservative listeners who heard, “Commie Faggot wants to INCREASE the minimum wage.” Well, the Congresschick just had a gem of an ad played on the radio, and I just have to share this one, too. This chick is a Republican and she’s doing the “I’m going to distance myself from W. and try to appeal to the namby pamby pussy moderates in my district” route. A few ads I’ve heard from her talk about hippie shit like that godawful prescription drug plan that has recently been enacted. Well, while pimping this crap, the ad voice guy asked her challenger, who was being portrayed as an evil-doer in this spot who didn’t want old people to get their medicine, “Commie Faggot, what did seniors ever do to you?” Oh for fuck’s sake. This race is actually amusing to witness, because the Commie Faggot is trying to show how much of a moderate he is by saying that he’s “pro-gun.” I love it when Democrats try to pull this shit off because it’s just as funny as when Republicans go, “We are so about black people,” and then proceed to get only 5 percent of this demographic’s vote. In fact, one of my fondest memories from the 2004 election was when Kerry went into some hunting office in either Ohio, West Virginia or Pennsylvania (I can’t remember what state it took place in) and said, “Can I get me a huntin’ license?” That soundbite was so goddamn funny that it puts his “I voted for the $80 billion before I voted against it” to shame.
I was asked earlier today which Party I thought would win this election. I have no clue. Hell, even if I had a guess, I wouldn’t put much stock into it, considering my track record of correctly picking baseball and football games. However, here’s my two cents: For some reason I haven’t been buying this Democrat sweep into power that is supposed to resemble what happened in 1994 with the Republicans. I have no proof or, worse yet, polling data, to back up what I just said – it’s just a feeling. Plus, with the few special elections that have taken place since 2004 the Republican has been able to maintain his or her seat. One election took place in Ohio and the other in California. Granted these seats were in Republican districts, and the results were probably closer than usual for the GOP to keep these seats, but I’m just don’t think the House of Representatives will swing by a margin large enough to give it over to the Democrats. I’ve always been more concerned about the Senate turning commie, but perhaps that’s because the Santorum/Junior race isn’t looking good for the GOP and I’m getting a distorted image of the nationwide feel. I will say this: if the Republicans don’t win the Tennessee Senate race, I doubt they’ll win Missouri and have no shot at Ohio or New Jersey, although I don’t think they win either the Buckeye or Garden state either.
While I’m talking about Ohio, how the fuck is Ken Blackwell not going to win the governorship? I can understand not re-electing that Rino Duh-Whine (although I wouldn’t be voting for the commie the Dems have brought forth), but I always liked Blackwell while I was an Ohio resident. Christ, I hope the Blue Plague doesn’t swallow up Ohio along with Pennsylvania (even more than it already is) and Virginia until the flyover red states have a chance to beef up on electoral votes in the next census. Back to Pennsylvania. God is this election going to suck; the most conservative official on the national scene will be friggin’ Alren Specter? Oy. I will be voting straight party line this election and, like I’ve said before in previous entries, what’s funny is that in Pennsylvania returns from Shittsburgh and Philadelphia come in first, and the Democrat is always in the lead by a 90-10 margin. In addition, because of all the old people and union whores that have their “Vote Democrat” and “Bush Wants To Steal My Medicare So He Can Give Halliburton Another Tax Cut” bumper stickers and pins trudging throughout this area like zombies in any of the “____ of the Dead” movies, I feel like a lowly Hobbit armed only with a wooden sword trying and garbage can lid for a shield trying to hold off these hoarding masses until my redneck brethren from the middle part of the state have their votes counted to the point where the Republican can overtake his or her Democrat opponent. However, this will not be the case this time around; if Santorum can lose by single digits and if Swann can lose by no more than 25 points, I guess I’ll be content. And like I said earlier at the other place, if Junior only wins by single digits I'll be wanking it. But not to Rick's image, because that would be gay and he wouldn't like that.
Back to election predictions. There’s no way Republicans will gain any seats, but will they lose enough to hand power over to the Democrats? I said above that I was more concerned about the Senate than the House, so if the GOP can retain control of the Senate (thank you Joe Lieberman for running as an Independent), I think they will also keep the House. Then again, this is the same person who this year predicted the Yanks and Twins in the ALCS and the Dodgers and Padres in the NLCS, so you probably just wasted several minutes of your life reading this rambling drivel. However, you do that anyway when you read my other entries at KK's Korner, so my sympathy for you is nonexistent.
Oh, and Claire McCaskill will win Missouri by 30 points. Fuck you Tyler.
