11:45 p.m.
• So I was flipping channels earlier today and came across some hippie Vh1 show that showed mini-videos. Eh. Oh well, this one got a laugh out of me. While I'm sorta on this subject, I actually like that Gene Simmons show on A&E. I don't watch this program on a regular basis, but if there is nothing else playing I'll put the remote down. I'm not a huge fan of Kiss, but the fact Gene is so obsessed with money makes him one of my heroes.
7:30 p.m.
• I’ve bitched about this before, but I don’t care.
Boo-fucking hoo. If you can’t afford a home, then don’t get a subprime loan you stupid fucks. I know owning a home is the “American Dream” and all that shit, but go at it the right way. Make sound choices in your life. Don’t live beyond your means. And for the love of Christ, don’t get an adjustable mortgage rate. Unlike the family mentioned above in this pseudo-sob story, don’t worry about the foosball table and hot tub until after you get financial matters in order. Oh this shit pisses me off. Sometimes life can throw you a curveball, but if you are prepared for it you have a better chance at properly reacting to whatever comes your way. It pays to hold out for the best possible deal rather than instantly gratify yourself and have it come back to bite you in the ass later.
• If we don’t help out citrus farmers, the terrorists win.
Actually, this type of shit goes on all the time in politics – attaching some pork, err, orange, to a bill that has nothing to do with the added spending. But since Democrats are now in charge I’m OUTRAGED!
• I’m sure this guy, if convicted, can get the East Valley Tribune for free in the prison’s library.
10 p.m.
• Holy crap. Tim Wakefield has 16 wins?
Awesome. I have always been a Wakefield mark ever since he made it to the bigs. Here's how old Tim is: He pitched for the Pirates when they were a playoff team.
• Weird, considering I just saw "Snakes on a Plane" tonight.
12 p.m.
• Yet another way I know I’m getting older. Comcast has a variety of music channels that range from rap to rock to stuff from the 1980s and 1990s. What’s my favorite category? Old School Rap. I don’t think it’s a regular channel but rather is on a channel that plays different music for a day or two, and one of the genres in its rotation is hip-hop from the 1980s-90s. I absolutely LOVE this channel. This morning they had some old Queen Latifah track, Special Ed’s “I got it made,” Beasties’ “The new style,” Del’s “Mista Dobalina” and several other songs I hadn’t heard before but liked nevertheless. Funny thing is when I got over to the contemporary rap channel, I can only put up with 30 seconds or so of whatever’s playing. I’m not hating on today’s rap, but it just doesn’t do anything for me. Then again, I’m sure back in the early 1990s when I thought Ice Cube’s “Death Certificate” album was playing there were people who grew up on Parliament who would cringe at lines like “Because you let a Jew break up my crew” and “So pay respect to the black fist or we’ll burn your store right down to a crisp.” Just a generational thing, I guess.
• Finally saw "High Noon." Not the TNT remake some years ago, but rather the original filmed in black-and-white. Wow, if I was the marshal I'd be bitter, too. Oh for fuck's sake.
Can't we have one movie where there isn't some commie subplot? Well that explains why it is ranked #27 on the American Film Institute's greatest movie list.
I'm sure there's a joke to be made about the women in this movie and "High Noon" but he's been out of office for six-plus years now and I'm not exerting the effort.
Well, since today is the big “H” day, I figured it might as well be appropriate to look back at my childhood and remember how I dealt with this special time. I always liked Halloween, and it was for the same reason ninety-nine percent of kids across America did – for the free candy. Well, it isn’t exactly free; you have to sport a costume and walk from house to house demanding sweets. I tried to remember some of my old costumes, and here is what I came up with, in no particular order:
Early-to-mid-1980s: My mom sewed a badass Star Wars X-Wing Pilot outfit. I think I remember her getting some how-to kit and making it herself, but in the end I didn’t care because I got to pimp around in an orange-and-white outfit with a blaster at my side. Throughout the original Star Wars trilogy, I was always more partial to Han Solo than to Luke Skywalker (what heterosexual kid isn’t?), but on this night it didn’t matter because for a few hours I was a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
Early-to-mid-1980s: I can’t remember whose idea this was, but one my old man took a huge box, shaped it up and covered it in yellow duct tape. Who was I? Pac Man. Again, this was one of those costumes I remember from my childhood simply because it was unique. There was one problem: the eye slit that was cut for me so I would see when I walked really limited my point of view (and forget about any peripheral vision). In addition, the box had a narrow opening at its bottom, and because of this it didn’t let me walk at my normal stride; I also remembered being sore as hell the next morning. If Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde (or whatever the names of those ghosts were) came looking for me, I would have been s.o.l. But who cares? For a few hours I was friggin’ Pac-Man.
There are two more costumes I remember sporting, and both dealt with movie characters from movies I loved back as a kid and still enjoy today. One was Eliot Ness. This get-up was easy. I wore a suit and those gangsta hats, along with a pellet shotgun and pistol – and neither one had that gay-ass orange barrel that toy guns today have on them. Another year I was dressed up as one of those marines from the “Aliens” movie. For those that have seen this film, I fancied myself as being the Hudson character, which, in the moments before his death, went batshit and began cussing at all the creepy crawlers before he was eventually done in. Now that’s a role model for the youth.
Sadly, what I associate most with Halloween now are the Christmas displays a number of stores now put out this time of the year. As a kid, the fall/winter holiday season broke up into three different sections for me: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s a bit depressing to see these three events snowball into one because when I was a kid, each one had significance for me. Halloween was for candy. Thanksgiving was for turkey. Christmas was for presents. Now these lines have been blurred to the point where anything after Labor Day is like one huge holiday where people dressed up in witches’ outfits with drumstick in their mouths are opening gift-wrapped boxes. Then again, maybe it has always been this way and I just don’t remember. Either way, I really don’t care.
Because for a few minutes I got to remember that for a few hours I was once a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
What did I get from Santa this year? I’ve said before that the better half hates shopping for me because she can never figure out what I want. This Christmas it was more of the same. I got season 8 of South Park, season 1 of Mind of Mencia, Unbreakable, Saw II and a new pair of work shoes. Whatever. I’m content. The better half was surprised at a number of things I got her, especially the cookbooks because she has been saying for the last several months how she wants to start baking and all that other shit. In fact, the one book I bought her was a title that she actually wanted. Go me.
Christmas in the kkk household usually goes like this. I’m first to wake up, which gives me a chance to put the presents I bought under the tree. Now I’m a bit of an odd bird in many ways, and one of them is that I refuse to use gift-wrapping paper. Fuck that shit. I use newspaper to wrap my gifts. First off I’m not buying this shit that will be torn to shreds when I already subscribe to a publication whose newsprint works just as fine. If anything, it’s easier to mold newspaper around a present than it is gift-wrapping paper. I also do this because it’s the degree I got in college. Newspaper = journalism school. Get it? Boy I’m a clever one. Well, if by “clever” you mean “a cheap sad sack hunk o’ man” then you would be correct. Eh, I’ve been wrapping gifts too long with newspaper to turn back now. This sort of thing is now expected of me, just like at this place when I say “hippie” or “commie” or “Jew bastard.” If I didn’t do these things, people would say, “what’s wrong?” Well, actually they say that anyway, but now I’m getting off track.
Once the better half wakes up she takes the stockings we hang over our entertainment stand and let the cats have at the toys she purchased them. It’s rather amusing because for about 20-30 minutes it’s nothing but a catnip orgy. After that entertainment dies down we exchange presents while “A Christmas Story” is being played on TBS. Even though we have the DVD to this holiday classic, I still feel the need to have it on with commercial interruptions. I do not know why. After gifts are exchanged we watch movies or something before heading out to my brother-in-law’s house for Christmas dinner. There we meet up with the in-laws, and Mrs. kkk’s sibling who isn’t a crack-whore. Now every year they make ham for dinner, and for as much as I love bacon and pork chops, I really don’t care for ham. I can’t explain why. I’ll have a slice or two, but I generally fill up on mashed potatoes and corn. More gifts are exchanged. Well, mostly gift cards, but it’s no big deal. This time is for the nieces and nephews in this house. To make matters better, this year the crack-whore sister-in-law wasn’t there because the courts aren’t allowing her to be in the same residence with her one daughter, who was at this function. For those keeping score at home, this is the other kid this crack-whore popped out; not the out-of-control 19-year old. This kid is the same age as the brother in-laws two kids, and this niece-in-law lives with her father and step-mom, so hopefully she has a chance in this crazy world.
Overall, this year’s Christmas was pretty much the same as the last few. It wasn’t “exciting,” but then again I’m no longer a kid, so it shouldn’t be. In a way, I’m starting to dig watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts and think back to when I was that age. Oh, before going to the in-laws we watched two rented movies: Invincible and The Lady in the Water. Invincible was good for what it was; if you like seeing Marky Mark run around on special teams for the Philadelphia Eagles, then you’ll be in heaven. I actually got a chuckle out of Greg Kinnear playing head coach Dick Vermil, and I never heard the story of that Vince Papale guy before, so that was interesting. As for Lady in the Water, if you buy this movie at full price you’ll be the one all wet. Ugh. I’m not a huge fan of M. Knight What’s-his-name, but then again I don’t “hate” him either. The only film I haven’t seen of his yet is Unbreakable, and since I got that for Christmas, I’m sure I’ll be watching it soon enough. When I do, I’ll rank his movies or something – yeah, that should take up a day’s worth of entries.
7 p.m.
I heard it on his radio show this morning. Neal Boortz's radio show is back in Shittsburgh!
Well, it will be on tape delay, but the fact he's back in the market gives me hope for this region yet. He first came here when 104.7 switched to a RIGHT-WING RADIO network a few years back. At that time they needed something to fill the early afternoon slot since Rush was on another station. This is where I began listening to Boortz's show. As the weeks and months went by I began keeping his show on longer and longer until I stopped listening to Rush and Jim Rome altogether. Sadly, 104.7 took Rush away from the other station, moving Boortz to some commie-fag station. He got deep-sixed shortly thereafter. But now he's back, baby. Too bad I listen to his local Atlanta/nationally syndicated broadcasts online now, but that's neither here nor there. One funny note, Neal will be going up against his fellow 750-AM WSB talker Clark Howard, who is on the above-mentioned commie-fag station. Both shows are on tape delay in Shittsburgh, but that's OK -- it always takes this place a while to get with the times.
4:30 p.m.
I love my neighborhood. As I was driving home from work today, I got behind a school bus making its routine stops on my street. From the bus jumped out a girl (no older than 6th grade, probably) dressed in a prissy outfit on her way to her house, which, like many in my neighborhood are nice, especially for this area. Following her was this kid in raggedy jeans and a flannel shirt that headed over to his dad, who also had on raggedy jeans and a flannel shirt. I guess they were going somewhere because the dad was by a pick-up truck. Now I'm not making fun of the kid and his old man for their lot in life. I'm laughing because the dad had a mullet. I needed the chuckle, especially considering earlier in the commute two asshole motorists almost hit me and another driver as we pulled over to the side of the road to let a fire truck and ambulance, both with blaring sirens, pass us by. I laid on the horn for about a block-and-a-half and shouted various obscenities at them. Assholes.
The better half says I have a bad case of road rage, but I beg to differ. Yeah, I can lose my temper when I'm behind the wheel, but it's only at people who nearly inflict massive harm onto me by their negligence. If someone is driving the speed limit in the right-hand lane and I want to go faster, I don't get upset. If I did, I would consider that road rage. You are getting upset at someone for following the rules. Now if you were safely driving and some idiot decided to disregard your well being by pulling out in front of you despite having a yield sign, then I say you should be allowed to scare the shit out of them by laying on the horn and incessantly cursing. Hell, if you have something to throw out your car window, go ahead. If you freak that person out enough, perhaps they will think twice before putting someone else's life in jeopardy. You could be a hero.
9 p.m.
• So sad. I was putting a portfolio together when I decided to fuck around instead. Damn you Internet. Oh, for as much bitching about stupid commericals, I have to admit I like this one. And it deals with
This one's good, too, but I like the first better.
6 p.m.
• What punitive damages? You were a shitbag before this story which did you in.
• My vote would be to asterisk the ball.
Blasting it off into space just seems too… eh. I wouldn’t be convinced that it actually happened. The ball would probably just be hidden in some backlot, only to appear when I’m in a nursing home and making me even more skeptical of this world.
• Damn, now EVERYONE is getting tasered (well, actually this happened last year, but whatever).
Hey, just because someone is in a wheelchair that doesn’t mean they should get any special privileges. Remember, “disabled” doesn’t mean “unable.” Besides, those wheelchairs can hurt. I should know. During my theater days some frequent customer who everybody hated got pissed at me one day and drove this motorized beast into my shin. I didn’t really care, and actually thought it was funny, but it gave me an excuse to act “faux pissed” at him, thus giving me an out in never having to deal with him. I mean, I could only fuck with his mind because it appeared that God already beat me to the physical part.
Oh, yeah. Back to the story at hand. Fuck this family. Next time some psycho family member is on a relative's private property with weapons, the cops should just stay away and let them sort it out with hugs.
• The only thing weird ever to come out of my bunghole was string during my adolescent days (still trying to figure that one out – yeah I ate some string but not that much, and not that color). Now the things that have gone into my browneye – that’s another story.
7:15 p.m.
• So while the better half and I drove home from work today, we were talking about our employment experiences when it came to quitting. While I have only resigned a job to take another job in the same region once in the last 12 years, Mrs. kkk has made a habit of employment-hopping. Then again, most of her work is in academia, so I’m sure I’d go insane as well. One job was of particular interest though.
Back when we lived in Ohio, her first job out of grad school was for some lady who had her own business. Long story short: she tested white/ghetto trash to see if they were eligible for SSI. After her first day, Mrs. kkk stormed into our townhouse and began swearing about her day due to several hillbilly kids she had to test. It didn’t get much better from there. However, the best part came about nine months later when her boss went on a three-week cruise and laid off the half-dozen people in her office. Oddly enough, this little tidbit was never told to the better half during her interview. Her boss said that everyone could collect unemployment for those three weeks while she soaked it up in the sun drinking out of those glasses with the little umbrellas in them. Problem was, Mrs. kkk hadn’t been employed full-time long enough yet to collect anything. This was around the time we decided that she should look for work back in the southwest Pennsylvania region. A few months prior, we decided to leave Ohio for Pennsylvania but we weren’t quite sure when would the best time to pack up – our lease had about six months remaining. Well, it was during this layover when we figured that Mrs. kkk move back in with her parents, look for a full-time job in her field and I would stay in Ohio working until the lease ended. Well, three weeks later, the better half was returning back to her job – only to give her two-week notice to her boss.
Oh, here’s a bonus nugget as to the kind of person this boss was: One time Mrs. kkk stayed home ill at the insistence of said boss. However, when her next paycheck arrived, it was discovered she was docked that day’s pay. When she asked why, the boss said that she took the day off and didn’t work her full eight hours. Shortly thereafter, when the better half worked late for a several-day stretch, the boss gave her hell for leaving early. The reason? She was a salaried employee and she doesn’t “work late.” A salaried employee that gets laid off during vacation time.
If you read yesterday’s entry, I know you are already psyched for Part II of my epic kkkhristmas shopping adventure. If you didn’t read yesterday’s entry, hit the “page down” button on your keyboard. I’m not linking yesterday’s entry for you lazy fucks. That would be stupid.
Now it was onto Best Buy, which is across the street from my local mall. Problem is there are about 1,000 vehicles blocking my path. You know, I don’t mind gridlock all that much during this time of year. I mean, it’s the holiday season. What else do you expect? What annoys me is when the light turns green and nobody moves an inch until the light turns yellow. But I digress. OK, now I’m at my Best Buy, unlike the other one I was at earlier in the day, which was closer to my workplace. This is my Best Buy. Stay away Shittsburgh residents. I got a workout tape she not-too-subtly mentioned a few weeks back. What else? She said a while back that she liked “The Little Mermaid.” What do you know? A LIMITED-TIME SPECIAL EDITION of this movie is on the shelves. What a coincidence. Alrighty then. Oh shut the fuck up. I’m standing with these people who are bitching about having to wait in line. IT’S KKKHRISTMAS TIME – WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? If you don’t want to wait in line then shop on-line or don’t shop at all. This one lady is complaining about not having feeling in her arm from carrying a slow-cooker or something. THEN PUT IT ON THE FLOOR! Jesus Christ I hate these people. You’d think they were in a concentration camp rather than in a Best Buy check-out line. The only thing I hate about waiting in line is that the other customers take seemingly forever to make their transactions and mine takes about a minute. What the hell? I want to have people in line wait as long as I did. Bastards. Why couldn’t my credit card have been declined on my first swipe or something? Oh well, I’m out.
As I’m driving back home I noticed the Wal-Mart shopping center (not the one I went to earlier today, this one is populated by rednecks, while the other is occupied by folks from the ghetto) and there’s no way in hell I’m going into that mess. There are other stores in this area, but I’m not braving that mayhem just to deal with all the white trash that I’m sure are milling about. I think I’ll take my chances with the other shopping center down the road with the Target and Kohl’s. First I stopped into Kohl’s. They have some neat stuff that the better half might like. Too bad I can’t find any of it. Hey, one of those foot bath things would be a good gift because she recently bought all this overpriced moisture junk and she’s been soaking her feet in our spare dishpan that we’ve never used. But which one do I pick? Christ, what’s the difference between them – they all have BUBBLES and HEAT and other shit I don’t care about. Oh I’ll go with the Conair one because it has some recoiling cord. Oh God, I just heard this redneck ask his girlfriend/wife/sister how much 10 percent off of $19.99 would be. You got to be kidding me. A 10 percent discount barely covers the sales tax; it’s not that big a deal. I remember back in ’98 I worked for a few weeks at some kitchen store that was going out of business, and everything was marked off. Many items were 10 percent off, and the customers didn’t believe the prices I rang up for them. “Did you factor in the discounts?” they would say. Uh, yeah. AND I ALSO FACTORED IN THE SALES TAX YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! Those were some fun times, but I’m getting off track. Oh hell no, I see boxes in the cooking section with Rachael Ray’s face on them. Oh my blood pressure is skyrocketing now. Words can’t describe how much I loathe this woman. Now I’m in the checkout lane and I’m ready to go home. The total gets rung up and then I do the unthinkable. I ask, “is that with discounts included?”
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I was just making fun of these people and now I’ve become one. No, I didn’t mean it like that! I meant to say that would I need to use my Kohl’s card to get the discount. Sonofabitch, I’m too late. Now the customer service representative has the upper hand by telling me that is the discounted price. Shit shit shit. Wait a second, why do I even care? Oh, yeah, because I like to make fun of stupid customers. Oh well, I’ll take my slings and arrows. One final stop to go, and that’s the Target store. I’ll get that six-in-one DVD holiday special with Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer and other shows that only get shown once per year. For some reason the better half likes that bigfoot-thing in Rudolph special. Personally, I hate all these shows, especially the one with the mule who had the big ears, even though it wasn’t one of the cartoons featured in this disc. If memory serves, there is this baby mule with big ears and for one reason or another he gets kicked out of his barn. His mom goes with him, protects him from the cold and DIES. Later the mule carries a knocked up Virgin Mary or something, so I guess that’s what his purpose in the world was, but the whole thing just depresses the hell out of me. Oh, yeah, Target. I also got these squirrel candle holders and shaving gel for stocking stuffers and two cookbooks because she’s been whining about wanting to start baking and cooking and all that other shit. Of course, she never talks about wanting to clean up the messes she leaves afterwards, but once again I digress. Now I’m going home. Final tally: Five DVDs/DVD sets, two cookbooks, two calendars, a foot massage thingy, some minor stocking stuffers. I usually get more stuff, but I wanted to take it easy this year due to debt that Mrs. kkk built up over the years that needs to get paid off. It’s more than I originally wanted to get, but what the heck, it’s kkkhristmas time.
Oh righty. Let’s see if I can end the regular season on a positive note.
(2.5) N.Y. Giants at Washington
The Giants still have a shot at the playoffs. From NFL.com:
I’ll make it easy. Redskins win, Tiki’s dreams of a Bettis-like sendoff get dashed and everyone can blame the coach.
Atlanta at Philadelphia (7.5)
The Falcons still have a shot at the playoffs. From NFL.com:
I’ll make this easy. The Falcons will lose. But will they lose by a big amount? I’ll say no.
Buffalo at Baltimore (9.5)
The Ravens still have a shot at claiming home-field advantage, and even though they’ll probably win, I’ll give the Bills a fighting chance.
(2.5) Carolina at New Orleans
The Panthers are still in the playoff hunt, but I still have that bad taste a few weeks back against the Steelers where they quit, so I’ll say go Saints.
Cleveland at Houston (4.5)
No playoff talk here. Houston will probably win, but will they win by four-and-a-half points? Sure.
Detroit at Dallas (12.5)
I hope the Cowboys get up by 10 and then put it in cruse control.
Green Bay at Chicago (2.5)
The Packers can clinch a playoff. From NFL.com:
But the Bears will win and ruin what could possibly be BRETT FAVRE’S FINAL REGULAR-SEASON NFL GAME.
Jacksonville at Kansas City (2.5)
Both teams need this win to bolster their playoff chances. Will the Chiefs lost two home games in December in the same season? I’m going with history on this one.
Miami at Indianapolis (9.5)
After that Houston loss, now I’d say it’s panic time for the Colts. Then again, maybe this “nothing-to-lose” mindset going into the playoffs might be good for Indianapolis.
New England at Tennessee (3.5)
Will this second-half-of-the-season rally stop here for the Titans? I’ll be a party pooper and say yes.
Oakland at N.Y. Jets (12.5)
I’ll say the Jets will win, but not by a dozen points.
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (6.5)
For all the crap the Steelers have gone through this season, to finish 8-8 will be much better than 7-9. However, I have to imagine the Bengals will be out for blood after what happened the last time the Bengals hosted the Steelers.
Seattle at Tampa Bay (3.5)
Even though Seattle has clinched the NFC West, that’s not saying much. I’m sure they would like end the season on a winning note before trying to make it back to the Super Bowl.
(2.5) St. Louis at Minnesota
The Rams can clinch a playoff spot, according to NFL.com, if the following happens.
I’ll say why not.
Arizona at San Diego (13.5)
Wow. I’m sure the Chargers will win, but will they win by that big a margin? Hopefully, the Chargers’ second unit will be able to trounce the Cardinals’ starters.
San Francisco at Denver (10.5)
The Broncos will probably win, but the 49ers will make it a game.
8:30 p.m.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 43: Anglesaut
I don’t frequent the wrestling folders of this place; the same goes with many of those “The One And Only” threads talking about a baseball playoff series, or something of that nature. So when people complained about Anglesaut’s obsession with the New York Yankees, I turned a blind eye. (Or is it a deaf ear?) I will remember this banned poster for something he said, but it wasn’t posted in a wrestling or sports thread. It was in one of the many cookie-cutter current events threads that talked about some youth cretin tried to kill his family/teacher/friend/etc. You know the thread. This is when all the hate-mongers (like me) wanted this person dead while all the pussies wanted to give him counseling and hugs. In response to some “a 14-year old doesn’t know what he’s doing,” response, Mr. Sault replied, “I'm fairly certain that these kids knew that the fire boom-boom stick would cause boo-boos.” One of my favorite lines.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From SFA Jack:
4:30 p.m.
• Some free advice. When your better half asks you what you have planned for the day (Sunday, January 14) before her birthday, don't say, "watching football."
3 p.m.
• Let’s see how well I did with my Wild Card pickkks.
Kansas City at Indianapolis (7.5)
Well, I got Indy right. I predicted them to win and they did. I do feel bad for the Chiefs defensive unit though. My God was Kansas City’s offense anemic. I thought they might start the game throwing or doing some playaction since the talk I heard all week was that Larry Johnson was going to get 50 carries. I remember last year the Steelers started the game out unexpectedly by throwing a few passes to their tight end Heath Miller, and I thought the Chiefs might do the same. I was wrong. And the Colts really need to sign that Ty Law so he won’t intercept Peyton Manning in the playoffs.
Dallas at Seattle (3.5)
I was wrong. Seattle won, but not by more than a field goal. After watching that botched field-goal snap, I have to thank my stars that Romo didn't run in for a touchdown and instead got tackled before reaching the first-down marker. Good God, that play would be playing on ESPN in a continous loop.
New York Jets at New England (8.5)
Wrong, but it was an entertaining game. Even though I thought the Pats would win with a close final score, the Jets played them tough until that fatal backwards pass which changed the entire complexion of the game.
New York Giants at Philadelphia (7.5)
Poor Emily. I got this game right –– a narrow Philly win -- but what scared me during this contest is that I realized what the media coverage would be like should Emily and Peyton ever meet in the Super Bowl. Good thing that’s not going to happen this year. I still get the shivers whenever I think back to MANNING BOWL I all the way back in Week 1 of this season.
11:15 a.m.
• So there's a stink in New York City.
And how exactly is this news -- was there more cab drivers than usual on the road?
Might as well get this over and done with.
Buffalo at Chicago (7.5). Incorrect.
It looks like the Bears were better and the Bills not as scrappy as I had once thought. I’m curious to see if Chicago can keep this good play going through the regular season and into the playoffs.
Cleveland at Carolina (8.5). Correct.
I knew the Browns weren’t going to win, but my theory of them scoring on their last drive to get within the 8.5 needed to secure a victory for me was correct. Congrats Romeo Crennel for going for the field goal late to cut the Panther lead to eight points instead of wasting four downs trying to get a touchdown.
Detroit at Minnesota (6.5). Incorrect.
Goddamnit. Everything was going according to plan until the Lions began playing like they were, well, the Lions.
Miami at New England (10.5). Incorrect.
Lost by half-a-point. Well, that evens out the Cleveland win I had earlier.
(3.5) St. Louis at Green Bay. Incorrect.
Lost by half-a-point. Well, that makes the Cleveland win I had earlier all but a distant memory.
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (6.5). Incorrect.
I’m surprised that back-up quarterback for Tampa Bay did as well as he did. Was that because he’s that good or the Saints defense is that unreliable?
Tennessee at Indianapolis (18.5). Correct.
Wow, I thought the Titans would lost by double digits, not by a single digit. Either way I look smart (at least for this game). For Indy’s sake, I hope the Colts are just on cruise control and not reeling from last year’s playoff loss and the departure of Edgerrin James. Actually, if I had to get rid of one of Indy’s “Big Three” (Manning, James or Harrison), it would have been James. I’m starting to wonder if this might be Indy’s year to go to the Super Bowl. Back in the 1994-1995 season, everyone thought the Steelers would be headed to the big game, but they got beat by a Chargers team in the Conference Championship game. The next year, with just a fraction of the hype, they made it only to lose to the Cowboys. I’m getting a similar vibe with the Colts this year that I had with the Steelers of the 1955-1996 season.
Washington at N.Y. Giants (4.5). Incorrect.
Any week Emily wins is a bad week.
(3.5) Kansas City at Arizona. Incorrect.
The Chiefs demolish the 49ers at home, squeak by the Cardinals on the road and Arizona defeated San Francisco several weeks ago. I guess that’s why they place the games. Christ, now I just made a Chris Berman remark.
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (7.5). Correct.
Nice to be with the winning team during a blowout contest.
Oakland at San Francisco (3.5). Incorrect.
This is like the “Cripple Fight” of the NFL.
Dallas at Philadelphia (2.5). Incorrect.
Even though Philly played a much better game, Dallas managed to stay in it until the very end. I heard later Owens was acting like, Owens. I heard some talk about how Drew Bledsoe can’t win the big game, which is interesting to me because I remember him coming in for an injured Tom Brady in an AFC Conference Championship game at Pittsburgh a few years back and played rather well.
Pittsburgh at San Diego (3.5). Incorrect.
I went to bed at halftime. When I turned on the local news the next morning, the top story was the loss and whether or not Big Ben should have been pulled during the game. Let the “Roethlisberger Sucks” talk begin.
Baltimore at Denver (4.5). Incorrect.
I was right about Baltimore losing. I was wrong about the point spread. Shit, and I thought I had the Broncos in this one, too. C’est la vie.
This week’s record: 3-11. Cumulative record: 34-40.
Ouch. But at least I still have a better winning percentage (.459) than the Raiders, along with 13 other teams in the league.
• Well, I have for all intents and purposes gotten over this bug in me for the last week or so. And where am I going tonight? Why, to some hippie event dealing with an historical battle that took place around this region (either the Revolutionary or Civil War). On top of that, the better half and I will be taking our one niece and nephew. Oh, and I have I mentioned that the weather is absolutely shitty and it will probably be raining? You have no idea how difficult it is in controlling the erection I'm having over going to this.
• I watched this weeks’ South Park, and saw the Steve Irwin joke, which made its way to the Drudge Report via a British newspaper article citing the poor taste Trey Parker and Matt Stone displayed by including the Crocodile Hunter in Satan’s big Halloween Spectacular. It’s South Park – what do you expect? Besides, the joke wasn’t all that offensive; in fact, I thought it was rather tame. (I’m sure longtime fans of the show will remember Irwin getting chopped to bits in a previous episode dealing with sending a “primate” back to his time of 1996.) All in all, this episode was there and wasn’t as good as the last few episodes of this season. Then again, an “eh” episode of South Park is still better than just about anything else I watch, so I’m not complaining.
• Here are my NFL Week 8 pickkks:
Arizona at Green Bay (3.5)
After last week’s debacle, I’m surprised that the point spread is only three-and-a-half points.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (4.5)
I’m not sure which way to go on this one. Atlanta runs the ball and one of Cincinnati’s weak points is run defense. However, I’m sure the Bengals won’t have problems passing the ball. Shoot. I’ll go with the Falcons.
Baltimore at New Orleans (2.5)
Every time I have doubted the Saints they proved me wrong. Now it’s time to ruin their Cinderella story by picking them to win a game.
Houston at Tennessee (3.5)
I have no clue. Um, I’ve heard David Carr is having a good year, so I’ll take his team.
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (6.5)
Which Jaguar team will show up -- the one that beat the Redskins in overtime and shut down the Steelers offense, or the one that lost to the Texans last week? I’ll go with the Eagles.
Seattle at Kansas City (6.5)
Both teams will be starting their backup quarterbacks. I’ll go with Kansas City because they’re at home and plus their starting running back is playing.
San Francisco at Chicago (16.5)
Give me the Bears and the spread. The 49ers burned me against Kansas City a few weeks back when I thought they would manage to keep that game somewhat competitive.
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (9.5)
I think the Giants will win, but Tampa Bay has been playing teams close the last few weeks.
St. Louis at San Diego (9.5)
Like the game above, I think the Chargers will win, but I’m hoping the Rams keep the game close.
Indianapolis at Denver (2.5)
I’m interested to see how the Colts play this game. This may also be a game to determine who gets home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (1.5)
I can’t think of a reason why the Jets will win.
(9.5) Pittsburgh at Oakland
For the Steelers’ sake I hope they win, but I’m not sure if they will do it by 9-plus points.
Dallas at Carolina (5.5)
The Cowboys have been feasting on bad teams, but whenever they match up against a good franchise their weaknesses show. I don’t think Romo will have a fun day, either.
(2.5) New England at Minnesota
Finally, a Monday Night Football game I’m interested in watching. I think the Patriots’ defense will stifle the Viking offense just enough for New England to win by more than a field goal.
8 p.m.
• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Santorum wasn't brought on as a CNN or MSNBC or cBS analyst.
Oh dear God no.
Rick, you're my n*gga and all that, but please don't be the token Jesus freak candidate in the '08 GOP primary. I know you're all about the lord and stuff, but just talk on television a lot and get paid well for your services.
7 p.m.
• I don’t know why this story prompted me to think back to an incident dating back to my high school days. I think it has to do with the one person hiding in a garbage can.
It was a Friday night and I had six friends over: Don, Jeff, Bryce, Greg, Matt and Kurt. Nothing exciting was going on; we were just playing Joe Montana Football on the Genesis when suddenly a few of us got in the mood to play football outside. Myself, Don, Jeff, Bryce and Greg went out. Did I mention that it was 2 a.m.? We didn’t think this was a big deal. We were wrong.
As we were playing some two-on-two with Greg being the quarterback for both teams, about 10 minutes went by when we suddenly saw these bright lights coming right at us, most likely from an officer of the law. We did the most sensible thing we could at that moment – run back into the house. The five of us headed to the backdoor and thought if we just kept quiet the police car would just go on its merry way. Bryce, Don and Greg went upstairs while Jeff and I stayed in the basement/game room. Someone from upstairs then said, “kkk, there’s a police car parked in front of your house.” That was about the time when I noticed someone shining a flashlight through the back door. The cop then opens the door and walks in. Jeff suddenly puts his hands in the air and the officer is telling all of us to go upstairs. It was at that time when I got upstairs that I noticed Bryce trying to act like he was asleep the whole time. He still had his shoes and jean jacket on with a FOOTBALL tucked under his arm. He was also shaking from the cold (this was around October/November), and as we all gathered in the living room, he muttered to Don, “I’m asleep.” In a memory that will stay with me even when Alzheimer’s takes every other image, Don smacks him on the head and says, “Get the fuck up asshole.” Matt and Kurt, who didn’t go out with us, were just waking up from their slumber and had no idea what the hell was going on. Their reactions were amusing, to say the least.
As the officer began asking us what we were doing, it was actually refreshing to honestly answer “no” to the question, “Were you drinking?” When asked why we ran, I think the collective answer was something like, “Because we’re idiots.” The officer believed us and brought in another cop who was waiting for us on a nearby street in case we had taken off in that direction. As they left, the said something like, “Next time you want to play football at 2 in the morning, give us a call and we’ll show you how the game is played.” We spent the next hour or two laughing about this and considering some of the other dumbshit I used to do, this was a funny story. Because I was a latch-key kid, my mom really didn’t care what I did. However, her one rule was, “I better not have the cops show up.” So you can imagine my horror whenever those law enforcement walkie-talkers were blaring in living room while the matriarch of the house slept in her upstairs bedroom.
3 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie said on SORTA RIGHT-WING RADIO today that even though he wants to raise the state sales tax, he's not really raising taxes, since he will "offset" this with property tax reductions. The same reductions he's been talking about since getting elected to a first term. And you people voted him in ... TWICE! Oh well, I guess this is how liberals feel about W. Then again, he was only voted in ... ONCE!! Thank you, Karl Rove and near-blind Jew voters.
Here we go.
(5.5) Atlanta at Detroit. Incorrect
Oh boy, this is a great way to start out the week.
Cincinnati at Baltimore. (3.5) Correct.
I watched the first few minutes of this game and generally felt good about picking the Ravens. However, I was a little worried because teams that jump out to double-digit leads early can sometimes get complacent and let the other team back in the game. Fortunately the point spread was 5.5 and not 6.5 points.
(3.5) Dallas at Washington. Incorrect.
I guess I could be pissed about that botched two-point conversion attempt when the Cowboys should have kicked the extra point, but that would have meant Dallas just winning the game – they still wouldn’t have covered the spread.
Green Bay at Buffalo. (3.5) Incorrect.
No words for this one.
Houston at N.Y. Giants. (13.5) Incorrect.
Shit. Houston played good again. It’s a shame they couldn’t pull off the upset.
Kansas City at St. Louis. (2.5) Correct.
I figured the Chiefs would win this game, and I was right.
Miami at Chicago. (13.5) Incorrect.
I made a remark when selecting this game that the only team to defeat the 1985 Bears were the Dolphins. Perhaps this is a sign for Chicago fans that this is the year for their Monsters of the Midway. Perhaps not. Either way, this year’s team is still good, even with the loss.
(1.5) New Orleans at Tampa Bay. Correct.
From my prediction entry.
Thank God it wasn’t.
Tennessee at Jacksonville. (9.5) Incorrect.
At least when you’re wrong about something, it’s nice to be REALLY wrong about something. And boy was I wrong about this one.
(5.5) Minnesota at San Francisco. Correct.
I guess I should be happy that the 49ers not only covered the spread, but also they won the game. But I was hoping the Vikings would be a surprise team this year, and although they started out playing well, they seemed to fizzle out. Still, there’s plenty of football to be played, and Minnesota is at the .500 mark.
Cleveland at San Diego. (12.5) Incorrect.
Well, the Chargers can’t win every game against a bad team by 30 points.
Denver at Pittsburgh. (2.5) Correct.
I still think it’s funny the Steelers were actually favored in this game. I actually thought they had a chance after they kicked a field goal at the end of the first half. However, once the Broncos did that 75-yard end-around touchdown run, I knew that would be the end.
Indianapolis at New England. (3.5) Correct.
Manning beat Brady. Again. Of course, seeing how these players don’t actually compete against each other, I don’t see the big deal. Then again, there was all that hype around MANNING BOWL I. Gag.
Oakland at Seattle. (7.5) Correct.
Didn’t watch this game. Didn’t care about it. From what I have seen, and from what others have said, this Monday Night announcing crew doesn’t seem to be doing too well. And based on what I’ve watched, I tend to agree with these opinions. Although I also heard quite a few people bash on the ESPN Sunday Night crew of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire, but I liked this trio. Sure it was sappy at times, but whatever. Oh, and the other week when the Patriots beat the Vikings, I had to laugh during the halftime show when ESPN aired that retarded mascot race. My favorite part of that abortion was when all the ESPN mascots were being introduced and just about every one got booed. If memory serves, I think Tom Jackson was the only mascot to be cheered, which was still one too many.
This week’s record: 7-7
Cumulative record: 60-68
With my dismal track record of predicting election results, I’ll gladly take a .500 week for football.
8:30 p.m.
• So I’m getting ready for an interview tomorrow, and I’m going about the business of getting my portfolio ready. Why the hell do I even bother? I can’t remember the last time anyone bothered to even ask for work samples. Of course, if I just go in cold, that’s when the question will be asked. I am generally pretty honest with myself about my chances at a job, and the last few interviews were “eh.” It’s not a big deal – the interviewers themselves were nothing to write home about, and I’m not going to trade one shithole workplace for another. This place I feel has potential. We’ll see tomorrow.
8 p.m.
• You know all those polls you hear about and wonder “Where do they come up with these people?” Well, I’m one of these people. I got a Snoozeweek survey person on the phone right now. Oh my God.
“Is there progress being made in Iraq?”
“Do you approve of the way George W. Bush is handling the economy?”
“Did the Bush Administration do a good job handling the Walter Reed hospital scandal or should more people have been fired?”
“Do you approve of a) gay marriage, b) civil unions, c) burning these queers at the stake?”
Here were my two favorites:
“Would someone who was previously married and went through a nasty public divorce influence whether or not you would vote for them?” (My answer: I’d still vote for Rudy.)
“Would someone who had a grandfather that had multiple wives influence whether or not you would vote for them?” (My answer: I’d still vote for Mitt over that beast Hitlery.)
And then she asked, “Would someone who had a homosexual affair while married influence whether or not you would vote for them?” I said yep. OMG I’M SUCH A HATEMONGER. Too bad that person should have just stayed homo and not started a family because now they are put in the most uncomfortable of uncomfortable positions, and I’m not talking about the backseat of a Volkswagon. I’m surprised they didn’t ask, “Would someone who divorced his wife while she was battling cancer for a younger, more attractive woman influence whether or not you would vote for them?” (BTW: My answer to that would be “yes.” Sorry, Newt.)
When the chick thanked me for my time I replied, “Thanks. I can’t wait to see how you skewer these results.” So when the next Snoozeweek poll gets released and you wonder who are those people that think our country is the shizzle, you’re looking at one, baby. Oh, and I said fuck Congressional Democrats when it comes to issuing troop withdrawals.
1 p.m.
• Guess the bird's biological clock was ticking.
12:30 p.m.
• So last night I was watching the NHL playoffs on Versus and I heard that the NHL reseeds its playoff tree every round, making my playoff predictions from a few days ago a moot point. What kind of hippie shit is this? I have no idea when the NHL started doing this. They could have done this from the get-go back when they went from divisional opponents for the first two rounds to conference seedings; I've said that I don't pay much attention to this kind of stuff. Since I'm on the subject, I don't like the automatic reseeding. Having just learned the NHL does this, it appers the NBA doesn't. Good. There's just something lame about reshuffling playoff brackets after each round. Let the chips fall where they may. If a conference's top seed has to play a fourth-seeded team while the second-seeded team gets to play a six-seeded team, then so be it.
Nevertheless, here are my reseeded playoff picks. My first-round picks and comments are unchanged from my first entry.
(1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders – that one guy from Edmonton got traded over to New York for a playoff push and cried. Buffalo’s good. Buffalo in 5.
(2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay – Martin Brodeur is still doing his thing. It’s nice to have a good goalie this time of year. Devils in 5.
(3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers – I have no clue who is on Atlanta’s team. The Rangers have Jagr. Rangers in 6.
(4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh – I’ve heard some sports people say this could be the best first-round series of the lot. Uh, yay. Ottawa never seems to win in the postseason. The Penguins haven’t been to the postseason for a few years. I dunno. Senators in 7.
(1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary – I’m sure Detroit’s pissed at losing in the first round last year. Detroit in 5.
(2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota – I have nothing. Ducks in 6.
(3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas – Mike Modano is still playing? Sweet. Stars in 6.
(4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose – The Sharks got Joe Thornton last season from the Bruins. Wait a second, Nashville traded for Petr Forsberg this year. Nashville in 7.
Second Round:
(1) Buffalo beats (6) Rangers in 5.
(4) Ottawa beats (2) Jersey in 6.
(1) Detroit beats (6) Dallas in 5.
(4) Nashville beats (2) Anaheim in 7.
Third Round.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Ottawa in 5.
(4) Nashville beats (1) Detroit in 7.
Stanley Cup.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Nashville in 6.
Wow, my playoff tree has changed quite a bit. Do I think this will happen? Probably not. But if it does, I can come back to this and go, "OMG do you see how lame reseeding is?"
9:15 a.m.
• This joke is too easy, even for me.
• The better half went to her niece’s talent show last night. Why didn’t I go? Figure it out. Actually, I did ponder tagging along, but then I heard tickets had to be reserved in advance. On top of that, there was a fight at the in-laws’ house before the show when the brother-in-law told the mother-in-law she needs to throw out the meth-addict niece-in-law. And people wonder why I stay home.
Anyway, from what I heard of this “talent show,” I was first encouraged by the state of my local government school. Apparently, there was these two girls who went up and sang a song about JESUS CHRIST~! Good for the school for allowing this to happen. I’m just curious to know if any faggot parents are going to complain about this egregious violation of church/state separation, because you know that if one student out of 100+ sings about Jesus, that means the school will be forcing the children to read hymns the next day. While I give a thumbs up for letting two kids sing about religion, I then heard what else happened at this government school.
No talent act was to be more than two minutes. TWO MINUTES? And just what would have happened if some kid went over their allotted time – a big cane moves across the stage and yanks him or her off by the neck? They also gave trophies for all the participants at the end of the show. Now I’m not going to go “OMG everybody’s a winner/no competition will make our kids spoiled” over this, because the eternal optimist in me is hoping these were just fancy certificates of participation or something. However, trophies?
My old man likes to tell a story of my one little-league team (well, actually it was the league before little-league, where the coaches pitched to the kids, but whatever) where in the end-of-season tournament we played like a well-oiled machine against this other team and crushed them. We were destined for great things, like winning the division title, or whatever the hell it was. Then our team had to sit and watch as the opponents we just whipped got to receive their near-last-place trophies. According to my old man, everyone on my team went, “What? They got trophies?” and we tanked the next game, getting our “You don’t suck as bad as the first-round losers” trophies to display in our rooms. From there, my baseball career went rapidly downhill, and my old man would never have dreams of being parent to a major-league ballplayer. Gone were his dreams of sitting at Three Rivers Stadium/PNC Park yelling from the bleachers at me because I was putting too much weight on my left foot when I swung at off-speed pitches.
(7.5) Baltimore at Tennessee
Steve McNair returns home. Which way will this game go? Will McNair want to get his revenge against the team he sacrificed his body with for so many years, or will it be a bittersweet homecoming because these two teams used to be divisional rivals and anything goes in these kind of games? I don’t know. But since the Democrats retook Congress last week, and they are supposedly the party of the “little guy,” I’ll side with McNair sticking it to The Man, who didn’t want to pay him the money he deserved and traded him away.
Buffalo at Indianapolis (12.5)
The Colts came off a big win last week, and the Bills won their game last week against Green Bay. Is this one of those cases where a bad team can sneak up on a team who is supposed to easily win? Who is Indianapolis playing next week? Dallas. Oh OK, I’ll take the Bills.
Chicago at N.Y. Giants (2.5)
A few weeks ago this seemed to be the matchup of the year (at least until next week when some other game will probably get hyped to death), but recent iffy play and some injuries have taken the shine off of this one. Give me Chicago.
Cleveland at Atlanta (7.5)
Atlanta lost to Detroit and Cleveland covered the spread last week against San Diego. The Falcons like to run and I’m sure Cleveland is bad against the run. Of course I have absolutely no stats to back this up. It’s Cleveland. They have to be bad at everything. I’ll take Atlanta.
Green Bay at Minnesota (5.5)
I think this is the surest 5.5 spread I’ve seen all year, simply because Bret Favre is playing in Minnesota.
Houston at Jacksonville (10.5)
Didn’t Houston just beat Jacksonville a few weeks ago? Yeah, but it was at Houston. Chirst, I don’t know what to do. Do the Jags redeem themselves with a big win or do the Texans show why they won in their first meeting? Jacksonville had a big home win last week against a crappy team last week. I’ll say it won’t happen twice in a row.
(1.5) Kansas City at Miami
Miami beats the Bears and suddenly Kansas City is only favored by 1.5 against the Dolphins at home? Then again, maybe Miami will run the table again like last year and make us all think they’ll be Super Bowl contenders for the 2007-2008 season. Give me the Chiefs.
New Orleans at Pittsburgh (4.5)
You got to be kidding me? Four-and-a-half points? I’m sure New Orleans is going to run into a road bump sometime this season, and I think this could be a close game. However, a 2-6 team is favored at home against a 6-2 team? I can’t the Steelers in this one.
N.Y. Jets at New England (10.5)
New England barely covered against the Jets earlier this year in New York, but it took a few fluke plays for the Jets to stay in the game. I’ll take the Patriots at home.
(1.5) San Diego at Cincinnati
This should be an interesting game. I don’t know who to take, so I’ll go with the Chargers because they seem to be more consistent this year than the Bengals.
San Francisco at Detroit (6.5)
A true clash of the titans. There’s no way I’m taking Detroit at 6.5 points, although having the 49ers go on a two-game winning streak seems not all that reassuring.
Washington at Philadelphia (7.5)
Washington just squeaked by the Cowboys last week, and when I last saw Philadelphia they were handedly beating the Jaguars. Although the spread gives me some concern, I’ll take the Eagles at home.
(9.5) Denver at Oakland
Yuck. Oakland lost earlier this year to Denver, but now they’re playing at home. Will that spread hold up in the Black Hole? Well, they beat the Steelers last time they were home. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt this week.
(7.5) Dallas at Arizona
After that loss to the Redskins last week, I’ll predict a big Cowboys win because they’re playing a team that isn’t playoff bound.
St. Louis at Seattle (3.5)
The first time I predicted this game when it was played in St. Louis I sided with the division champs. I’ll do the same thing, even though I have no idea if Seattle’s starting running back and quarterback will play.
Tampa Bay at Carolina (9.5)
Two weeks ago Carolina got beat by the Cowboys at home. Will they continue this skid against a divisional opponent? I think the Bucs have a chance in this one. But it is a Monday night game, so that means it will probably suck, which means the Panthers will blow the Bucs out. My anti-ESPN sentiment is getting the better of me for this one.
9 p.m.
So not only were the players roiding up during that magical summer of '98, but the baseballs were juiced, too? Oh my world is crashing down all around me. How could this have happened? HOW?!
7 p.m.
• There's an interesting topic over in the Sports folder regarding how the NFL should treat overtime games. Currently, it's the first team to score wins. It doesn't matter if points are scored on the overtime's opening drive, in the final seconds or on a turnover. Here's how college football does its thing, according to Wikipedia:
For years, the debate has been whether or not the NFL should adopt college football's overtime system. For years I have been in the "keep it as-is" crowd. Hey, each team had 60 minutes to score more points. If your offense doesn't take the field in overtime because the other team scored first, too bad. This is football. Quit yer bitchin'. However, recently I have been starting to wonder if the NFL won't be better if this change is made. After all, the two-point conversion made the NFL a better product, in my opinion. I think I may eventually change my opinion on this one.
5 p.m.
• This seemed to be the topic du jour on sports talk radio today.
If you can find a school that will pay you a shitload of money for a decade or so, then go for it. One thing that makes me chuckle whenever a coach leaves on place for another, especially on an amateur level, is that they always get on their players about commitment, dedication, pride, and all that other hippie shit. Then they pack up and leave when a better offer arrives on their doorstep. When I was entering 10th grade, my high school hired some redneck football coach who got on our players about being in the weight room and all that other jock stuff. Now even though I couldn’t stand him, he did turn our football program around. As my high school years progressed, our teams didn’t have winning records, but these contests were much more competitive. When I was a senior, our team got off to a slow start after losing a few close games, but you could tell this wasn’t the same team as in year’s past. In fact, it was predicted that the graduating class to come after mine would be playoff-bound (and in fact they were, as well as a few other classes after that). But one thing I’ll remember is that this same coach, who had his players commit all their time and energy to playing for him, left after my junior year for a better deal. I heard quite a few players on that team were crying when the coach announced his intentions.
• Pat Robertson is predicting a terrorist attack on the United States sometime later this year. Was this one of those direct-calls from God?
Hate to break it to you, Pat, but the terrorists already struck last September. And while I'm on the subject of Congress.
You know, I guess I could go “OMG partisan politics” and all that shit, but I don’t care. Democrats won the last election – they can institute all the commie programs they want. To the victor go the spoils.
• I was driving to my old man’s house during the holidays and was behind this hippie couple with all these bumper stickers attached to their piece of shit truck. While many were run-of-the-mill slogans, one got a laugh out of me. It was all white with red letters and read “Say No To Empire.” WTF? I wish we were an empire. That way, instead of all this politically correct bullshit we could flatten the entire Middle East, take their oil and turn that region into a big Wal-Mart. And forget about culturally sensitive meals at Club Gitmo.
Let’s see if I can put a winning streak going with two .500+ weeks in a row.
Atlanta at Baltimore (4.5)
Oh I so know this one is going to bite me in the ass. Atlanta has stunk it up and is facing a division leader. Yeah, Baltimore squeaked one from the Titans, but the Falcons lost to the freakin’ Browns and Lions.
Buffalo at Houston (2.5)
I don’t know what will become of this one. Will the scrappy Buffalo team show up and beat the favored Texans, or will the fold-like-a-house-of-cards Bills stink up the joint? Wait a second: Houston beat the Jags last week. Letdown week. I’m calling an audible at the line of scrimmage and going with Buffalo.
(6.5) Chicago at N.Y. Jets
The Bears are returning to the scene of the last week’s crime. The Giants are supposedly better than the Jets and lost by double digits to Chicago last week. Chicago usually routes losing teams, but I’ll go with the Jets to keep it close. Wait a second. The Jets beat New England last week. Another audible.
Cincinnati at New Orleans (3.5)
I’m interested to see how this one pans out. Both teams seem to be hitting the skids and this might be a good “let’s see who the pretender” is game. I don’t know why, but I’m going with Cincinnati in this one.
(1.5) Indianapolis at Dallas
Uh oh. Dallas is playing a good team. However, it’s at home and against a team that is the lone undefeated franchise in the NFL this year. But it’s a winning team. I’ll go with Indy.
Minnesota at Miami (3.5)
Looks like Miami is making their “look how good we’ll be next year” push, but I’ll stick with the Vikings. I’ll probably fall for the Dolphins hype in another week or two.
(6.5) New England at Green Bay
The Patriots lost last week to a divisional opponent. They’ll win to a cold climate team on the road, especially if it’s the Packers.
Oakland at Kansas City (9.5)
Let’s see if the Raiders can keep the streak of losing within the spread going.
(3.5) Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Both teams are 3-6, although one should be better than that, and it’s not the squad from Cleveland. Normally I’d take the Steelers in this instance, but this is a divisional game against the Browns. Crazy things happen when these two get together in Cleveland.
St. Louis at Carolina (7.5)
I’d normally go with the Panthers but when I saw that point spread my first thought was the Rams losing in a close game, so that’s what I’m picking.
Tennessee at Philadelphia (13.5)
I don’t think the Titans will win, but they’ve lost a few close ones this year. Here’s hoping this is another one of those times.
Washington at Tampa Bay (3.5)
And to think this was close Wild Card game last year.
Detroit at Arizona (2.5)
If only all their games would be this compelling, the NFL would be like … the NHL. For as much as I like hockey (well, I really don’t, but I watch during playoff time), it’s sadly a niche sport. But if it’s financially viable, then that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
(6.5) Seattle at San Francisco
Seattle struggled against a divisional opponent last week. Here’s hoping that’s not the case this game.
San Diego at Denver (2.5)
I have a feeling winning road games at Cincinnati and at Denver is a bit too much to ask, but I don’t care. My first thought was to go with the Chargers, so that’s what I will do.
N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville (3.5)
Let’s see if Emily and company can win one at their former coach’s crib.
9 p.m.
• Slept in a bit this morning. Got Season 10 of South Park and a wireless remote controller from the better half. Got money and gift cards from the in-laws. With the plethora of DVDs I purchased this holiday season for myself, and with the lack of appealing after-Christmas sales that the local circular had for tomorrow, I think I'm going to hold onto these cards until some better sales come my way (New Year's/MLK/Presidents/etc.) Exciting stuff, I know. After I post this entry, I'll be on the phone to mom to let her know that she will, barring a miscarriage, become a grandmother. Oh, and also that the 20+ containers of stuff she has stored in our house needs to go in the next six months. I just knew there were some plusses to getting the Mrs. kkk preggers.
• Fucking Democrats will do anything to get their power back. How else can you explain this?
Well, I guess there’s one other scenario that might be applicable in this instance – this guy is OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND (allegedly, of course). What the hell is wrong with people? I honestly don’t know how I can make a wisecrack that’s better than the actual article itself. I mean, I guess I could say that if Barney Frank was doing this there wouldn’t be a story, but that joke is nothing when matched up against this.
• This is why I can never can fully embrace my brethren from the North. Canada, I like you and all, but not only are you a bit too tilted toward the socialist side of things for my taste, but also your freedom of speech laws leave something to be desired.
So displaying a picture of an aborted fetus is considered obscene? Larry Flynt could have one with a strap-on hitting it doggy-style with another fetus that didn’t make it through the third trimester and there would be people down here in the States calling that art (especially a particular politician from Florida; allegedly, of course).
• Well of course those “Bumfights” videos made some teens go out and pummel a homeless person to death. I guess Lionel Tate’s lawyer now has a new client to defend.
• And speaking of rumbles, screw their actual chess matches, I want to see these two retards duke it out in the parking lot.
In high school I joined the chess club during my junior and senior years. Well, actually my friend and I signed up just to play in some day-long tournament that was held at our school once a year. Hey, it beat going to class. The first match of the day always had me pitted against a kid from another school who attended this event to get out of class, too. We'd talk more about sports than we played. I usually won those games because my opponent would lose his queen first. In my second match of the day I always played against some kid who knew what he was doing, and I would get my king handed to me in no time. I'd then play a match against someone dumb like me, followed by some uber-smart kid. We also had free cookies and drinks, so all in all it wasn't that bad a day. In fact, after our junior year about a dozen other kids like us who attended just to get out of a day’s worth of classes joined my friend and me in next year’s tournament. Funny thing is that some of these kids were pretty good chess players, which pissed off those who actually attended this club's regular meetings.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Although the lady who phoned in and said she was “afraid” that her husband wanted to teach their kid the alphabet at too early an age and the guy who asked if it was OK to watch horror movies with his four-year old son are both good candidates, they can't top this one. A woman called in and asked at what age her kids should learn that their dad is a convicted sex offender. When asked how old her kids were, the caller replied, “19 and 16.”
