6:30 p.m.
• So a while back I talked about my fun trip to the airport. Might as well put the finishing touches to this epic adventure.
I was at the Albany airport for a flight to my buddy Ed Rendell’s former stomping ground: Philly. The flight itself wasn’t too bad. However, our “flight attendant” was this fat early twenty-something with greasy hair. Good God, Larry the Cable Guy was right: The Oakridge Boys with titties. Anyway, I didn’t really care because I just read my copy of U.S. Snooze and World Distort. Oh, and every time the flight attendant would go on that intercom thingy he’d be laughing. OK. Now the flight itself was rather uneventful. However, the landing… well…
It’s around 7:15 p.m. when we land. I have a connecting flight at 8:30. No problem. We head over to the dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave. The pilot tells us that another plane is already there. Uh, OK. I don’t fly enough to know if this is a common practice; I’m sure Smues will set me straight. We then drive over to another dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave. It’s now 7:40 and the pilot tells us that there’s a plane in front of us and it’s BROKEN DOWN. We now drive back to the first dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave and the original plane is still there. When we finally got out it was 8.
Well so much for checking out the Philly airport.
The chick sitting next to me on this flight was antsy as hell. Not only did she have to sit next to ME, but also she had a flight to Toronto departing at 8:30. While we each shared our tales of how this nearly hour-long delay might mess with our hopes of further air travel, I did something I normally don’t do. When it was time to leave, I immediately got up to leave. Whether it’s a sporting event, movie or some other social function, I generally just sit and let everybody else leave first. What’s the point of getting up just to wait in line. I’d rather just sit back and relax while everyone else elbows each other in hopes of exiting and being stuck in gridlock. Well not tonight. I got up and dug in my heels, especially when some dumbfuck in front of me went past me to get some overhead luggage and then tried to cut back in front of me. Not tonight.
After we were all herded into the Philly airport, I thought I was in pretty good shape. I had about 20 minutes to go from Gate B to Gate A; with those moving walkways it’s be a walk in the park.
Ten minutes later and NO SIGN OF GATE A I was beginning to doubt my confidence. Thankfully I saw signs of Gate A shortly thereafter and managed to get into my seat at 8:30 sharp. I was never in any real danger of missing my flight because the thing didn’t actually take off until 15-20 minutes later anyway thanks to all the dumbfucks with too-large-for-overhead luggage and other products of the under-class gumming up the works. However, the thought of spending the night in Fast Eddie’s crib downright scares me. I must say though that from what I saw the Philly airport was rather nice. And I’m not even going to make my predictable “But then again I didn’t see any black people” joke – probably because there were a bunch. Oh well. When I travel I always make sure my wallet is properly secured.
The flight to Shittsburgh wasn’t bad, but when I went to get my luggage the question on my mind while waiting on the Philly runway during my Albany jet joyride was answered. There wasn’t enough time to get the baggage from the Albany flight onto the Shittsburgh flight. My favorite part of this came when in the “lost baggage” section with the other poor sods who made the Albany-Shittsburgh connection. We actually developed somewhat of a camaraderie with each other – either that or they were too tired and frustrated to actively avoid me.
I wish I could end this story with some huge payoff, but my bags were delivered to my door the next afternoon. Alas, and I wanted to bitch even more. I just hope that chick who was sitting next to me over the Albany skies had her luggage boarded on time; Toronto is much farther from Philly than my hood.
6 p.m.
• So I saw this list, looked through the first few questions, and figured it would be worth doing to waste time. All these answers were the first things that came to mind.
Questions for those of us who live in Pittsburgh, PA
1. Primanti's or Pierogies?:
Primanti's by far. For those that don’t know, it’s a sandwich place. Some people treat this eatery as god-like, but I’m not nearly going to go that far. Been to one of these shops about a half-dozen times in my life. Liked the kielbasa.
2. Favorite ride at Kennywood?:
The line isn’t bad and the ride is solid. However, as a kid the Logjammer was my favorite. No, I’m not Catholic
3. Favorite mall?:
Now – Westmoreland Mall. Monroeville Mall has too many black people and Ross Park Mall turned too upscale during my Shittsburgh hiatus.
4. What school district did you go to?:
Hampton. Home of the Talbots. Even though I went there, this government school generally produced good students.
5. Which grocery store:
Giant Eagle. Long live the personal scanner.
6. Kennywood or Sandcastle?:
Kennywood, although Sandcastle water park is where I first met the better half. Then again, Kennywood in a landslide of Reagan/Mondale proportions.
7. Penguins, Pirates or Steelers?:
Hmmm. Pirates last. I like football over hockey, but the Steeler fans here are batshit. Give me the Pens, I guess.
8. Favorite event:
When I drive through the city every weekday on my way home to the cozy suburbs. Second thought: Opening Day for the Pirates; it’s always fun to watch them get blown out and crush the pennant dreams of the remaining delusional fans who think they have a chance at winning.
9. The Strip, South Side or Station Square?:
None. If forced to pick – the South Side. My last job had me go there for a vendor. That’s all.
10. Favorite place to see live music [indoor and outdoor]?
None. I don’t go to concerts. If I want to hear a song, I’ll get a CD.
11. Favorite Dave and Andy's ice cream flavor?
Who?
12. Favorite thing to eat at Eat N Park?
Chicken Parmesan in meat sauce with the soup and salad bar, even though the salad bar chili is shit.
13. Favorite movie theater?
Don’t go to the theater that often (as regular readers would know). If I do, my favorite is the Destinta that’s only 5 minutes from my house. Location, location, locations.
14. Which part of Pittsburgh do you currently live in?
I don’t. You think I’m stupid?
15. What's the worst area to be in late at night?
The areas where you only see eyes and teeth: Homewood, Wilkensburg, et al.
16. Favorite museum?
N*gga plz. OK, I’ll answer. Carnegie Museum of Natural History because they have dinosaurs.
18. Yinz or pop?
Pop.
19. Have you seen the view of the city from Mount Washington?
Yes.
20. Do you ever ride with Port Authority?
Ugh. Don’t remind me of my college days.
21. Have you ever eatin "O" fries?
Huh?
22. Do you like the Southside works complex or do you think it was waste of money?
With this being Shittsburgh, I’m sure they wasted a buttload of money. I don’t go there. I don’t care. I think that’s the place whose theater had a shooting during 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” movie release.
23. Should we have kept 3 Rivers Stadium or are you happy with Heinz field and PNC park?
I’ll never willingly go into either. I’ve talked about this subject before.
24. Do you ever wear black and gold?
I’m sure I have once or twice. I don’t the day before a Steeler game.
25. Have you ever stuck your feet in the Fountain at Point State Park?
Probably when I was a kid.
36. have you ever ridden the "T"?
See number …. How the hell did this go from “25” to “36”?
37. How do you pronounce a gyro?
”J-eye-row.”
38. Do you like Donny Iris?
When I don’t have to hear him (or is it her)?
39. Do you like The Clarks?
I don’t listen to them so I’m indifferent.
40. Do you like Michael Keaton?
After what he said about the Pirates last year, hell yeah.
41. Favorite River name?
Allegheny, I guess. Although I love the name of the HOT MEATAL BRIDGE.
42. What do you think of UPMC?
Mrs. kkk worked there for a spell. That paid the bills. Every medical organization is a clusterfuck. Good thing the Democrats will give us FREE government health care.
43. Terry Bradshaw or Ben Roethlisberger?
Big Ben. I never had a problem with Bradshaw until I heard him talking politics a few times on Fox. Katherine Harris was Florida’s Attorney General -- lol.
44. Do you think the Pens deserve a new arena?
I’ve talked about this before.
45. Despite all the polls/reports that Pittsburgh is the dirtiest city in America, do you agree?
I never heard of this before. How can it be dirty when everybody’s leaving?
46. How much do you love Pittsburgh?
Do I really need to comment?
47. Do you think they should allow casinos in Pittsburgh?
Already happened. I can’t wait until this isn’t the be-all solution region “leaders” are making this out to be. And that’s why I live in Westmoreland County.
48.Do you like PNH?
Who? What?
49.Have you ever attended a Pittsburgh Sports event(Steeler Game, etc.)?:
Yep.
50. Which do you like more--Panthers or Nittany Lions?
Neither, but if I have to answer it would be the Panthers. Then again, that’s like asking me who I like more: Hillary Clinton or nl-asshole.
51. If your parent worked for University of Pittsburgh and you could attend it for free would you go?
All academia institutions are the same. Go where you can get the best deal. I’d mooch.
52. Do you hate the Cleveland Browns?
No. But it’s sad when there’s a city out there that Pittsburghers can goof on. Other than Cleveland and Detroit, the pickings are slim.
8 p.m.
• I heard this trailer was out. Ugh.
8:15 p.m.
• With smokes costing an arm and leg over here, one might wonder how Big Tobacco stays in business. Here's how.
Damn. And those people stink enough as it is already. Too bad when I get my eventual heart attack/stroke one of them will be towering over me on the operating table. Oh, back to this link. Does any of this sound familiar?
• Good God, this took place (allegedly) on New Year's Day. Say, the Browns got rid of Jeff Garcia after one season -- maybe that, too, was a HATE CRIME. Jeff, you're not fooling anybody with that "wife" of yours.
• Uh-oh.
I love the quote at the end. If these newspapers are going to counter the towel-head wackos pissed off over a cartoon, what else are they supposed to do other than re-print it -- write a mean editorial? I bet many of the rioters probably can't even read.
Might as well join in this solidarity movement.
Oops, wrong Photobucket image. There we go.
7:45 p.m.
• So today we got hit with our first “big” snow/ice storm of the season. Eh. I left work early because we were going to getting ice mid-morning. Wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but the commute was twice as long as normal because of slow traffic. Most times, the weather isn’t the problem – it’s the other drivers on the road.
• This past weekend was mostly spent with Mrs. kkk hanging out and watching movies to help her cope with our recent “family” situation. As the days went on, it seemed to be working. Now I’m expecting this to linger for some time, and that’s OK. I’m not going to put a timetable on this sort of thing; she can feel however she wants. On Sunday night, we were going to watch one more movie before going to bed. I decided to get something from our “new” stack that we haven’t seen yet: “High Crimes.” I remember watching this with her years ago and it’s a typical “Kiss the Girls/Along Came a Spider” film with Morgan Freeman. Even though I remember the ending, I don’t recall much more than that. And of course guess what happens at the start of the film? Ashley Judd’s character finding out she’s preggers.
Fuck.
9 p.m.
• We're sorry. Our bad.
• Don't you know that flaunting the color red is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
• Take a guess as to where this story is from. The answer is in the spoiler text.
5:30 p.m.
• So while the better half was in surgery this week, it gave me the chance to read the first chapter of Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book.” The first chapter is devoted to goofing on enviro-wackos. Nothing really surprising. However, one thing I love to do (well, maybe not love) is read mainstream media accounts of issues back in the day. Take for example this gem from Newsweek published 4/28/1975, which was featured in Beck’s Book.
This was, of course, to combat global cooling. It’s a shame I wasn’t born a few years earlier than I was because I just missed the cooling craze. All I remember from my early years of schooling was some film that featured the “last clean place on earth.” It was some hippie greenhouse run by some … well, hippie. I guess the local people, who were dressed in HAZMAT gear, got tired of him and his animals breathing all that clear air and started knocking it down. For shame.
Oh, and here are some crazy quotes that are in Beck's book. I love reading stuff like this:
From enviro-wacko/EricMM's idol Paul Ehrlich in 1969:
In 1970:
Well, he was sorta right on this one. Although you have to substitute "dead fish" with "Mexicans."
8 p.m.
• So today I went to the bank to get another debit card. For years my former place of employment had direct deposit, so I had no need to go to the ATM machine. Now I will so it was time to get a card. This meant having to go in and talk to some bank person. Yay. To make matters better, I was in my jeans and unshaved-for-two-days face. I love it when this happens because these bank people think I’m some scrub looking to start a $50 super-saver account. Now the guy I dealt with gave the usual “Oh, you have THIS much money with us?” as he pulled up the kkk account, but it was nowhere near the extreme reaction I saw with this lady a few years back.
It was 2003 and the better half and I had just moved back to Pennsylvania. I needed to take my casher’s check that was taken from the Ohio-centered bank and deposit in a more venue-friendly locale. I decided on this one bank for its location. I had just done a few days worth of moving in the dog days of August and once again hadn’t shaved for a few days. As I walked into the bank after a few hours of moving heavy stuff in a duplex that had no air conditioning, I wasn’t at my prettiest. I said to one of the tellers that I wanted to open an account, and I was directed to one of the account managers in those fancy cubicles. I was seated with some middle-aged woman who had a few other things to do. This gave me the chance to listen to the guy sitting in the cubicle next to me, who was pleading his case to that account manager due to a number of checks that he bounced. He kept bitching that the fees charged to him for each bounced check just made his other checks go bad. Uh, that’s why you DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS. He then started this pseudo-sob story about how he doesn’t have a job and all that shit – damn Bush economy. I felt sorrier for the bank employee than I did this douche. Anyway, my account lady came back and began treating me like I was just like that guy sitting in the cubicle next to me. Then she took a look at my cashier’s check and did the following.
She perked up her head.
She opened up her eyes.
She said, “Oh.”
It took everything in me to refrain from laughing out loud. I get that these people deal with a lot of scuzzballs with $100 to their name, but don’t always judge a book by its cover. Of course, all that money eventually went to a house, wedding and credit-card debt relief for the better half. However, with all this taken care of, it’s time to get back to surprising bank people.
9:45 p.m.
• Shoot. I just heard on the local radio station that Boortz is on will replace him with two local schmoes whose short-lived stay on an FM talk channel whose format only lasted six months. And I can't listen to Neal at work anymore on-line. Bastards.
8 a.m.
• So SUPER TUESDAY has come and went. Whatever. No matter who gets the nomination for my side or the other I’ll probably be ill. Sad thing is, I started thinking about who in my Party could be a viable candidate. I can’t think of anyone. Christ, and my commie neighbors will probably have Hitlery or Obama signs on their lawns this year. I might just get a McCain sign just to piss them off. I still have yet to make my mark on the primary season. Thanks, PA.
• I need to pay attention to the NBA more often than just before playoff time.
You know, I'd like to see this go down just to see Shaq Daddy run up and down the court like a fiend.
6:30 p.m.
• Well today we had to go to the hospital to get kkk jr. out of the better half. The procedure is known as a D&C. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes, but the waiting/prep/etc. lasted the entire day. Even though the experience was godawful, I’ll say this: After walking by some of the “cancer centers” it could have been MUCH worse.
• I thought about this earlier today while watching footage of the Giants ticker-tape parade. You know who has got to have a shitty job? The people that plan for those kinds of events only to have the hometown team lose. I can’t imagine how much planning would be involved in arranging the security/travel/etc., and then to have nothing to show for it. Ugh.
4:30 p.m.
• So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.
7:30 p.m.
• So yesterday I took the first step in becoming a lazy slug at my new job. I installed my AIM account. It’s only a matter of time before I start downloading porn. Actually, that’s one thing I haven’t done at work.
• Great, now who am I going to vote for when Pennsylvania’s primary comes around to these here parts?
Seriously, nobody is doing it for me. When W. ran in ’00 I had no problem throwing my support behind him. Dole was the only GOP candidate back in ’96, so it’s not like there was any drama back then. If I was 18 in ’92 I would have went Perot (had I been in my mid-20s, I probably would have stayed with H.), so there would be no pondering my choices there, either. Actually, this reminds me of a funny story. In ’92 my high school had this mock election and we had the poli-sci class debate in front of the students on what candidate to vote for. The people supporting H. ended their spiel with the most unenthusiastic, “and he won the Gulf War” line I ever heard (granted I haven’t heard that line used much, if any, since then), which was received by laughter. In the end, though, Perot got the majority of votes, which surprised the principal/teacher who announced the winner at the end of the day. Anyway, my one friend at the time was happy that Clinton won; I was indifferent. Then a week or two later he started bitching because Clinton reneged on that middle class tax cut. I’m not sure what my friend was so pissed about – he worked at a fast-food place part-time. It’s not like he was getting more take home pay. Then again, now that I look back at it all, I’m sure he’s a Democrat. In fact, I actually got on of those quickie subscriptions to Classmates a few years ago just so I could find out what some of my classmates put as their political preference. It was interesting, to say the least.
6 p.m.
• So I’m still in way over my head at the new job. Nothing surprising with that. However, this got a LOL moment for me. For last week’s trip she said for me to include the mileage it took to drive to the airport. Now I already got some per diem check, which was good enough for me. However, the boss also said to include mileage and the $4 parking toll Mrs. kkk had while waiting for my flight to arrive. (Part II of this story, which started on Saturday, will be arriving shortly – just like how my flights were last week.) The boss said to use the federal mileage rate – something like 45 cents per mile. And why did this make me laugh? Would you care to guess what the mileage rate was at my former place of employment? For every guess in the “comments” section I’ll let you know if the correct answer is “higher” or “lower.”
• Uncle Ted endorses a black man for prez. Some feminazi group says this:
At this point, do I really need to make a remark about pondering whether or not leaving someone in the back seat of a car to drown counts as "betrayal"?
Sure I do.
Here's an oldie but goodie...
...hit it.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.
You take one down,
Your passenger drowns,
98 bottles of beer on the wall...
98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer!
You take one down,
You hit the town,
97 bottles of beer on the wall...
97 bottles of beer on the wall
97 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles
should happen to fall
96 bottles of beer on the wall...
96 bottles of beer on the wall! 96 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
Forget Mary Jo 'cause she's started to pall
No need to report it, there's no need at all
95 bottles of beer on the wall...
95 hhashurhfajjfj
AIIEEEE!
95 lkkldnfklsdnjsdvhdfw
passh JDFWBA OKVKSN ogjekvirjverlkvuhjwrpihgw
94 dbjfjcovkerhjbchue...
94 bottle of beer on the wall
94 bottles of beer
Take one done
Pass it around
93 bottles of beer on the wall...
92 to bottles of beer on the wall
92 bottles of beer
take one off
give it to Hoff
91 bottles of beer on the wall...
91 bottles of beer on the wall
91 bottles of beer
take one off
give it to Hoff
he-drives-off-a-bridge-IN-ANGER-and-leaves-his-campaign-staffer-in-the-back-seat-to-die-a-miserable-death
90 bottles of beer on the wall...
90 bottles of beer on the wall! 90 bottles of beer!
Take a drink
Watch a young girl sink
89 bottles of beer on the wall...
89 bottles of beer on the wall! 89 bottles of beer!
Drink another and wait
Let her suffocate
88 bottles of beer on the wall...
88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer.
Off a bridge you drove
Blame it on Karl Rove
87 bottles of beer on the wall...
87 bottles of beer on the wall! 87 bottles of beer!
Guzzle one quick, you drunken old mick,
It's too late for Mary at Chappaquiddick
86 bottles of beer on the wall...
86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer
Your face is red
This is a great thread
85 bottles of beer on the wall...
85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer
Drink n' guzzle
Watch the bubbles
84 bottles of beer on the wall...
84 bottles of beer on the wall! 84 bottles of beer!
Swill it on down, you miserable clown
You couldn't possibly get elected anywhere but Massachusetts and at least the President managed to graduate from Harvard rather than being expelled twice for cheating on exams and oh he never cheated on his wife either or tried and failed to have sex with a woman while lying on a restaurant floor in a drunken stupor you disgusting morally leprous decrepit filthy scumbag
83 bottles of beer on the wall...
83 bottles of beer on the wall. 83 bottles of beer.
Get so drunk and you'll soon feel no pain
Bush is much worse than Saddam Hussein
83 bottles of beer on the wall...
82 bottles of beer on the wall. 82 bottles of beer.
My brother Jack nailed chicks with no fear.
If he didn't die, I'd have no career.
81 bottles of beer on the wall...
81 bottles of beer on the wall. 81 bottles of beer.
People who listen to my speeches get no relief.
My puppet Kerry was nearly commander-in-chief
Chug one more while my kidney's functions fall
80 bottles of beer on the wall...
80 bottles of beer on the wall. 80 bottles of beer.
Poor ol' Ted, his kid lost his leg.
But he's a democrat and deserves to suffer, according to crazy Meg.
79 bottles of beer on the wall...
79 bottles of beer on the wall. 79 bottles of beer.
Drug abuse, bootlegging, and cheating on women a lot
Just another day here in Camelot
Fuck you, we're rich and you're not
78 bottles of beer on the wall...
78 bottles of beer on the wall
78 bottles of beer
Fucking christ, his head's the size of a deer!
77 bottles of beer on the wall....
77 bottles of beer on the wall. 77 bottles of beer.
My voters I must scare,
With threatened cuts to Medicare.
76 bottles of beer on the wall...
76 bottles of beer on the wall. 76 bottles of beer.
Women's rights are a cause in which I place much stock.
"Hey, baby, wanna see my bloated cock?
"It's 2 inches long and hard as a rock"
75 bottles of beer on the wall...
75 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer
Care about politics I do not, even so
I'm always down to wreck on another Masshole.
74 bottles of beer on the wall...
74 bottles of beer on the wall. 74 bottles of beer.
I hate to sound daft,
But there's going to be a draft.
73 bottles of beer on the wall...
72 bottles of beer on the wall. 72 bottles of beer.
At least I didn't kill her by driving into a tree.
Did you know that my IQ was only 33?
My face has a startling resemblance to my knee
71 bottles of beer on the wall...
73 bottles of beer on the wall. 73 bottles of beer.
MikeSC had this number but Bush stole it you see
Just like he does with the trust fund for Social Security
71 bottles of beer on the wall...
71 bottles of beer on the wall! 71 bottles of beer!
Saddam Hussein has two dead sons
Ted's son lost his leg and his three brothers were all killed one of his sisters died in a plane crash and his family lobotomized another so she wouldn't embarrass them so we should be kind and understandiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
70 bottles of beer on the wall...
70 bottles of beer on the wall. 70 bottles of beer.
Did you notice that my numbers aren't uniform?
You'd think I was writing my party's platform
69 bottles of beer on the wall...
69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer
Heh heh, uh heh heh, uh heh he heh
69......
68 bottles of beer on the wall...
68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer.
Dubs is a democrat,
and still thinks Ted's retarded and fat,
67 bottles of beer on the wall...
67 bottle of beer on the wall. 67 bottles of beer.
I got here through the deaths of Jack, Bobby, and Joe
Man, why couldn't I fuck Marilyn Monroe?
We both drink like fish, don't ya know?
66 bottles of beer on the wall...
66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer
Where the hell are my pants...
....
And the girl...
65 bottles of beer on the wall...
65 bottles of beer on the wall! 65 bottles of beer!
Take one down, don't pass it around
Chug that motherfucker and reach for another
With Uncle Ted, we're out on the town!
Fuck it, we'll never get a fucking drink at this rate
64 bottles of beer on the wall...
64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer!
Take one down, pass it around
I've fucked my state from my lofty perch
Because my junior is Senator Lurch
63 bottles of beer on the wall...
63 bottles of beer on the wall,
63 bottles of beer,
With fine English gin that my dad smuggled in,
62 bottles of beer on the wall...
62 bottles of beer on the wall. 62 bottles of beer.
My face has become almost comically thick
My nephew, well, he raped a chick
I can't speak English worth a lick
61 bottles of beer on the wall...
61 bottles of beer on the wall,
61 bottles of beer,
Put your sister in bed,
take a pick to her head,
60 bottles of beer on the wall...
60 bottles of beer on the wall,
60 bottles of beer,
Our Party's leadership is in trauma
Good thing we have Osama bin Obama
59 bottles of beer on the wall...
59 bottles of beer on the wall. 59 bottles of beer.
I don't like it when shotguns go "blam!"
Did you know my boy Kerry served in Vietnam?
Only thing I like more than liquor is a great big ham
58 bottles of beer on the wall...
58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer.
With all that I can muster
This thread I will filibuster
Because it's an assault on my character and America has a time-honored tradition of Democrats filibustering extreme things like civil rights...
Still filibustering...
La la la...
So, how about those Red Sox?...
Is it last call yet?...
Wait, Robert "kkk" Byrd just offered a compromise? Well, shit.
57 bottles of beer on the wall...
57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer.
KKK's sure was the best,
But let's not put this thread to rest,
56 bottles of beer on the wall...
56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer
Ted laughed at the girl from the shore,
Let's watch Dubs post whore
55 bottles of beer on the wall...
55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer
We'll say Roberts' son looks like a dork
So his daddy will end up like Robert Bork
54 bottles of beer on the wall...
54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer
I think alternative energies are great
As long as they're away from my estate
53 bottles of beer on the wall...
53 bottles of beer on the wall. 53 bottles of beer.
A bitch was trippin in Chappaquiddick
Fuck I think my face was beaten with an ugly stick
52 bottles of beer on the wall...
52 bottles of beer on the wall
52 bottles of beer
Public school is so dear to my heart
But you know that my grandkids would never take part
And I will fight vouchers, shoot 'em down with a dart
Good schools are just for the rich, not the smart,
Keep all the commoners nicely apart,
But go on and vote for me when November starts,
I've gone for six lines and still haven't used 'fart,'
I've whittled hypocrisy down to an art...(whew, long one!)
...51 bottles of beer on the wall...
51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer.
In Robert Bork's America we'd have no civil right
Which is why Robert's nomination we'll continue to fight
50 bottles of beer on the wall...
50 bottles of beer on the wall
50 bottles of beer
I hope this doesn't sound odd
But I could go for a waitress sandwich with Dodd
49 bottles of beer on the wall...
49 bottles of beer on the wall
49 bottles of beer
Please don't be rude and yawn
When I say Iraq is Bush's Vietnam
48 bottles of beer on the wall...
48 bottles of beer on the wall
48 bottles of beer
If you think I've drunk a lot in life
then you should see my ex-wife!
47 bottles of beer on the wall...
47 bottles of beer on the wall.
47 bottles of beer
I love alternative energy and so should you
just so long as it doesn't block my view
46 bottles of beer on the wall...
46 bottles of beer on the wall
46 bottles of beer
I ate chips of paint made from lead
Lord knows I'm not under fed
The only thing bigger than my ego is my head
I'm too fat to get chicks into bed
My speech is worse than Hillbilly Jed
I'm so worthless that I'd be better of dead
45 bottles of beer...
45 bottles of beet on the wall, 45 bottles of beer!
Why did God take John and Rob Kennedy?
Yet, I'll probably live 'till I'm 103?
44 bottles of beer on the wall...
44 bottles of beer on the wall
44 bottles of beer on the wall
i'm drunk has hell
know Mary Jo's dead
43 bottles of beer on the wall...
43 bottles of beer on the wall.
43 bottles of beer.
Fuck you, I'm drinking.
Cock smoker
42 bottles of beer on the wall...
41 bottles of beer on the wall
41 bottle of beer
my pops hated jews
now get me another brew
41 bottle of beer on the wall...
40 bottles of beer on the wall
40 bottles of beer
Some call me a murderous drunken Mick
But I wear, I drove off the bridge because she was sucking my dick
After she drowned I went back to the party and drank till I was sick
39 bottles of beer on the wall...
39 bottles of beer on the wall
39 bottles of beer
Ann Coulter wrote about me this week driving off a cliff
But those records are sealed, since I'm a hypocritical stiff
38 bottles of beer on the wall...
38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer
It's really bad that a levee had to fail
But I have a court nominee to nail
37 bottles of beer on the wall...
37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer
For all those drowned (during Katrinia) I'll yell at Bush for failing to react
Woah, wait a second. How ironic is that?
36 bottles of beer on the wall...
36 bottles of beer on the wall. 36 bottles of beer.
A nuclear energy industry is evil, really evil by far
Even though it's killed fewer people than my car
35 bottles of beer on the wall...
35 bottles of beer on the wall
35 bottle of beer
while right know i'm totally shitfaced
my nephew Bobby is a total disgrace
34 bottles of beer on the wall...
34 bottles of beer on the wall
34 bottle of beer
I'm babbling in front of a Chief Justice nominee
All his legal answers don't matter to me
I will still vote "no" because he's a facist Nazi
Because I'm all about the working family
33 bottles of beer on the wall...
33 bottles of beer on the wall
33 bottle of beer
This poster Matt Young I do not know
But I wish he was in that car with me and Mary Jo
32 bottles of beer on the wall...
32 bottles of beer on the wall,
32 bottles of beer.
I'll never mope,
I've got an indulgence from the Pope.
31 bottles of beer on the wall...
31 bottles of beer on the wall.
31 bottles of beer
I hate that Enron's collapse nearly made the economy crash
Shame my dad did worse to get his cash
30 bottles of beer on the wall...
THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL
THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL
SEEK! LO - CATE! EX - TER - MIN - ATE!
ALL RA - CES ARE IN - FE - RI -OR TO THE DAAAL - EKS!
TWEN - TY - NINE BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL...
29 bottles of beer on the wall. 29 FUCKING BOTTLES OF BEER!
WHAT THE HELL ARE THE HAWKS DOING? JESUS CHRIST, NO DAMNED POINT GUARDS?
No...FUCK Ted Kennedy. THIS is BULLSHIT!
28 bottles of beer on the wall...
28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer.
Let's get this fucking thread over with because the same people posting here are complaining about Matt Young Appreciation Day SINCE THE HUMOR HERE IS SO STERLING AND GENIUS
3 27 bottles of beer on the wall...
27 bottles of beer on the wall. 27 bottles of beer.
Greengrocer can't count too well.
God knows what made Teddy's face swell.
26 bottles of beer on the wall...
26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer.
Perhaps Greengrocer needs a v-chip for this thread
Because simply ignoring it by not clicking on its link must cause him dread
Oh yeah -- the senior Masshole Senator -- I can't wait until he's dead
26 bottles of beer on the wall...
(assuming) 26 bottles of beer on the wall, (assuming) 26 bottles of beer.
kkk forgot to subtract,
The universe is constantly in a quantum state,
Nothing can truly be called "knowable."
Life is ephemal, fleeting; all men die.
Subatomic particles wink in and out of existence, without purpose, without meaning.
i bottles of beer on the wall...
26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer.
Thanks to my miscount, this order is distorted
Good thing Ted's pro-choice, so my last post is aborted
25 bottles of beer on the wall...
25 bottles of beer on the wall. 25 bottles of beer.
I tried to save a group from drowning with a friend and myself
This joke can write itself:
24 bottles of beer on the wall...
24 bottles of beer on the wall
24 bottles of beer
Harriet Miers would be a better nominee
If she'd just go for a ride with me
23 bottles of beer on the wall...
23 bottles of beer on the wall
23 bottles of beer
Though my liver is swelling and my BAC is gaining
For a drunkard like me, this is only pregaming
22 bottles of beer on the wall...
0 bottles of beer on the wall
0 bottles of beer...
you actually think that this drunken mick would let all this beer stay on the wall for this long?
22 bottles of beer on the wall. 22 bottles of beer.
True, they were all gone, as fast as a comet
But they're all back because I had to vomit
21 bottles of beer on the wall...
21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer
BLACKJACK MOTHERFUCKER!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
20 bottles of beer on the wall...
20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer
At least when I get drunk I DON'T FUCKING KILL PEOPLE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT
19 bottles of beer on the wall...
19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer
This thread was never funny except for Grocer and Sandman's jabs
Drawing a blank here, um... Jesus was really an A-rab
18 bottles of beer on the wall...
18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer
I said for the Supreme Court Democrats don't do a litmus test
We look for candidates that are the very best
17 bottles of beer on the wall...
Aw hell, I need another brew for that last line of bullshit.
16 bottles of beer on the wall...
16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer
Fat blimp ruins land
Whale brings shame to all people
Shut his huge pie hole
15 bottles of beer on the wal...
15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
Then you will see a fat man bawl
14 bottles of beer on the wall...
14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer
Bush lied about Iraq and we're keeping score
And please ignore all of the things we said before
13 bottles of beer on the wall...
13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer.
Iraq is stockpiled with WMD and a hotbed for terror
Wait, it's '05, not '98, so sorry for the error
12 bottles of beer on the wall...
12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer
Extremist Judge Al-lee-go doesn't think strip-searching a kid will scar her for life
It's even worse than drowning someone who isn't your wife
11 bottles of beer on the wall...
11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer.
My children's book follows a day in my life,
I get drunk before noon and then cheat on my wife.
10 bottles of beer on the wall...
10 bottles of beer on the wall! 10 bottles of beer!
10 year-old girl was strip-searched and it "scarred" her
Oh how I wish they had let me guard her
9 bottles of beer on the wall...
9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer.
As I get drunk, I talked a lot louda,
Er ah, er ah, Chowda, CHOWDA, CHOWDA
8 bottles of beer on the wall...
8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer
Smashed during hearings makes them so much better
You can tell by my face getting redder
7 bottles of beer on the wall...
7 bottles of beer on the wall,
7 bottles of beer,
These GOP scumbags are far-right extremists,
But later this year they're still gonna cream us, EDIT: Uh, no
6 bottles of beer on the wall...
6 bottles of beer on the wall,
6 bottles of beer
I make judges' wives drown in their tears
And I don't have to drive or shift gears
5 bottles of beer on the wall...
5 bottles of beer on the wall,
5 bottles of beer!
I've had fun treating Judge Alito like a prick
Even though he could shut me up by saying, "Chappaquiddick,"
4 bottles of beer on the wall...
4 bottles of beer on the wall
4 bottles of beer
I'm bringing my children's book about Washington DC, to a 1st grad class
It's too damn bad, I couldn't save Mary Jo's ass.
3 bottles of beer on the wall...
3 bottles of beer on the wall,
3 bottles of beer,
30-plus years of being a drunk fatto,
Living in the depths of my dead brothers' shadow,
2 bottles of beer on the wall...
2 bottles of beer on the wall,
2 bottles of beer
Now it's last call and the drinks are on me
But you have to have a nice ass or size 34 D
1 more bottle of beer on the wall...
1 bottle of beer on the wall,
1 bottle of beer
The wall is bankrupt from what I can see
Just like George W. Bush's economy
No more bottles of beer on the wall!
I'm headed to the store, I'll be back.
Well, this isn't going to end well. Here we go again.
*Still preparing the Pete Rock remix.*
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 3: nl5xsk1
Yes, you read that right. The poster known with one of the more annoying names to type has cracked the number 3 spot on this list. “But kkk, how can this be? You’ve been calling this scat-loving fiend ‘nl-asshole’ for years. How can he be listed so high? Did he pay you off? Did he find you a MILF? What happened?” Well, I’ll tell you what happened.
This "nl-asshole" thing is all a giant SWERVE~!
You may find this hard to believe, but I generally don’t put a lot of thought into my message-boarding. When I’m scrolling down a thread, I rarely spend more than a few seconds reading a post, and when I get to the end of a thread, I typically type the first few thoughts that come to my head – no matter how nonsensical they may be. And on 8:48 a.m. on September 29, 2004, I read the following post by nl5xsk1 in a thread titled “List your aliases.. old board names...”
and I just felt like typing...
That’s it. That’s how this great “feud” started. Let me recap: For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes. One my say I’m breaking KEYFABE right now, but this is, at its heart, an internet message board, and this is a SHOOT, baby. The Ross Report doesn’t have shit on this. (Is the Ross Report even around anymore?)
So, yeah. Over the years I’ve shaped this “hatred” for nl5xsk1 to include such witty banter like:
However, the highlight of this e-feud, which has spanned multiple message boards, came during kkk Bowl III when nl5xsk1 actually won the whole thing – well, it’s sure a lot better than him not bothering to show up for the posteason.
Are we typing?
Is this mic still on?
Well thank God that’s over and done with. I didn’t know how long I could last saying nice things about this cocksucker. And by “cocksucker,” I mean cocksucker.
1 p.m.
• So I have said in the past that I don’t like flying. In fact, the last time I was on an airplane was back in 1996 during a trip to California just before I met the future Mrs. kkk. Why don’t I like flying? Well, there’s always the chance of crashing into the ground from 10,000 feet. Yeah, I know the odds are much greater that I’d get killed by a fellow motorist than I would by a shitty pilot. However, the illusion that I could actually do something about my status on the highway is a better feeling. If you’re on an interstate and some truck in front of you has a bunch of shit loosely tied down to the roof then you could switch lanes. When you’re in a plane, there’s not much you can do unless you have a parachute strapped to you and near an exit. However, there are other factors that have nothing to do with drunk pilots and pisspoor mechanics.
The passengers
Here’s what I said a while back regarding my Going … Back … To … Cali… in the 1990s.
And while my experiences dealing with passengers during this latest round of flying I just didn’t wasn’t as bad as my ’96 experiences, it didn’t help matters. It amazed me how many people tried to carry on luggage that was too big to fit in overhead compartments. Jesus Christ, I haven’t flown for more than a decade and I was smart enough to take note that my one piece of luggage wasn’t deemed acceptable for overhead storage. Then again, these people are probably the same type that I dealt with in my Quickie Mart days that tried paying for a 25-cent pack of gum with a $50 bill. But I digress.
Connecting flights
So the plan was for my boss and I to take a flight from Shittsburgh to Philadelphia and then from Philly to Albany, N.Y. However, when I got to the airport I found out that we were instead going to New York City. This also meant that our departure would be a few hours later than the Shittsburgh-Philly flight. Great. Well, after my cross-state flight, I ended up in LaGuardia Airport. Holy fuck is that place a dump. And to make matters better, I had to wait a few more hours until this one plane from Harrisburg landed here because that was the vehicle to take me to Albany. One problem: This plane was running late. Whoopie. Here’s another bonus: LaGuardia only had a handful of stores, and most of them featured “I [heart][/heart] N.Y.” Oh, yeah, like I’m going to get that shit. Then I saw Hitlery merchandise. Even better. Fuck. I ended up getting a U.S. Snooze & World Distort magazine that talked about previous election cycles. One thing I like about U.S. News is that they do some neat “looking back” pieces. I remember in ’00 they had an interesting feature about the ’48 conventions – I’m pretty sure it was that year because it dealt with Truman and Dewey. Where was I? Oh, yeah. LaGuardia.
So while waiting for the Harrisburg plane to arrive I sat by the gate because you can only walk the halls a certain number of times before people start thinking you’re a terrorist. My boss and I were supposed to arrive in Albany at 4 p.m. It was past 4 when we heard that the Harrisburg plane had just taken off. After an hour or so we were told that the flight to Albany was seating for Zones 1-8. That sounded odd. Then when I stepped onto this massive transportation vehicle I noted that I was in “Zone 8.” And by “Zone 8” I mean the “eighth row.” The actual flight itself wasn’t too bad. I remember flying on a smaller plane when I was kid vacationing in Florida, and as a bonus I didn’t have to sit next to anyone.
We got into Albany at around 6:30 p.m. just in time to see news television shows talking about the stock market’s REMARKABLE DAY~! When I was at LaGuardia all the news shows were talking about RECESSION and the STOCK MARKET TANKING and other gloom and doom pieces. Then after my shitty flight to Albany, it’s a MIRACLE REBOUND. Then again, these are the same people that thought Obama was going to crush the Hildabeast by double digits in New Hampshire and that by 1985 the earth was going to freeze due to global cooling. And who wonders why people are skeptical of the mainstream media?
So Wednesday I was at airports from 9 a.m. through about 7:30 p.m. All to get on two one-hour-flights. My boss, who travels all the time, said this is the first time in a long while this sort of thing has happened to her. I said I’d gladly take the blame for this if it means a raise. However, the best was yet to come on the way home on Friday...
10 p.m.
• So Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race -- was he ever in?
• Heath Ledger's dead. Whatever.
No obvious indication? I'm not saying he OD'd or anything, but when you're 28, dead and with prescriptoin sleeping pills nearby, can't there be SOME indication? Then again, most of us (present company included) thought there was something fishy about Sean Taylor's death and it turns out there wasn't. But that was because we were all RACISTS~! I guess thinking that there is a chance this Australian-born actor might have died from something other than natural causes would make us xenophobes.
8:45 p.m.
• Well today was my first day at the new job. Man, I wish you could just fast-forward a few months to the point where you get a handle on what you’re doing. I hate this “OK, now what do I do?” crap. I know this job isn’t as hard as I’m making it out to be, but I am one of those people that actually gives a crap about the work I produce and it will be hard to do anything tomorrow because I’ll be taking a three-day trip Wednesday through Friday (which probably means no KK’s Korner) to some work conference that will probably help me out quite a bit. I'm sure in six months I'll be bitching that I don't get paid enough for what I do.
• So while I was gone today, the better half “reorganized” the closets. Instead of having one closet for each of us, we now have one for our room and a closet for kkk Jr. She has “our” closet split in half – one side with a bunch of hippie shelves, the other side a “normal” look. Guess which one of us has all our things on shelves? Yep. I guess that’s what happens when one person gets MLK day off and one person doesn’t. I'm actually impressed that she managed to fit all our shit into one closet, but I know there will be problems with space in the future. Oh well, that's for another time I guess.
11:15 p.m.
• So a few days ago I was talking about the “Death Wish” movies, and I discovered there was a Part V. And like a sap I just had to watch it. Good God. An exploding remote controlled soccer ball? At least in “The Dead Pool” the RC Car of Doom was funny to watch. This … gah. However, it’s not like I was going into this one expecting much. But still. Jesus, Charles, did you really have to make one more? I guess maybe because “Death Wish IV” ended on such a downer – you know, your woman getting killed and all. Well, anyway, I had parts “II” and “III” on today as background noise, and I must say that my two favorite scenes from “II” are as follows:
And then there’s the black guy with the funky sunglasses trying to get away in that park shoot-out by holding up a ghetto blaster to his head while trying to back away. L to the O to the L.
Speaking of funny, here is a post on the IMDB message board about “DWII”:
Woo-hoo!
11:45 p.m.
• Yeah, Roger, because we can't have people walking around with guns.
What gives someone the right to do that? Pesky Constitution.
12:45 p.m.
• Time for pickks -- wait a second, I lost in the divisional round. Nevermind.
Oh what the heck: Chargers 7, Patriots 42; Giants 24, Packers 21.
10:30 p.m.
• Oh well, at least I appeared smart in one of my selections.
2 p.m.
• So I was driving into work today and there was a radio commercial that caught my ears. Some of you may remember when I opined about a local restaurant chain and its stupid Frownie mascot. Well, this place is bringing back a promotion where if you order certain menu items you get a menu item of equal or lesser value free. No problem with that. However, the ad went something like, “Try a classic King’s dish like the new breakfast scramblers (or whatever the entrée was).” How can a “classic” dish be “new”? And I thought TNT’s “Instant Classics” were bad.
• Yeah, this is going to throw off Emily’s routine. I’m sure he doesn’t have ANY of these episodes on DVD.
9 p.m.
• So I gave my notice to my genius employers on January 4. Guess when they finally decided to put a classified ad in the paper? Today.
• I was at the grocery store today and I went to the chicken section of the store. I noticed that there was a sale on cock. However, it wasn’t the buy-one-get-one-free but rather some XX-cents-off nonsense which is still a rip-off. However, what had me laughing was the handwritten addition made to the “sale” sign. Because there are several varieties of chicken in the chicken freezer bin and only one brand on sale, there are oftentimes handwritten FYIs on these sale posters. Anyway, the handwritten addition to this sign read “Black lable only.” Sigh.
• Speaking of food, Swift Terror brought up some of his never-buy-generic brands. For as cheap as I am, I don’t typically buy generic-brand material. If something is on sale and I have a coupon then I get it. The only brand name I “have” to buy is Miracle Whip. Oh, and Heinz ketchup – Hunts is disgusting. Generic pasta is blech, although I don’t really buy Chef-Boy-R-D. Oh, my beef stew has to be Dinty Moore. Generic Cola is awful, although I’m not much of a pop drinker anyway. Oh, yeah. Crystal Light iced tea >>>> generic or that 4C shit. I steer clear from the generic Kix equivalent. And when it comes to bbq sauce, I’m only Bull’s Eye, Jack Daniels or KC Masterpiece. I tried some watery Kraft shit once and that was it. (Or was it Open Pit?) Well the aforementioned chicken I buy is grocery-store brand. I also eat grocery-store brand bread and milk. That’s about all I got for now.
9:15 p.m.
• I’ve seen a few headlines about this being the 10-year anniversary of Lewinsky-gate. You know, I really didn’t care much about this scandal. I guess the best thing to come out of this (other than Bill’s jizz on a blue dress) was having Congress preoccupied with impeachment rather than meddling with the economy and my day-to-day life. Good job, Monica.
• I just heard some top-of-the-news story on RIGHT-WING RADIO about how with this “recession” people are having a harder time than ever dealing with credit card debt, mortgage and car payments. Uh, am I supposed to feel bad for someone that racked up unnecessary expenses on plastic and now can’t afford his standard of living because gas is $3+/gallon and milk is a similar price? Hey dumbfuck, who do you think you are – Congress?
Speaking of these people, I sure can't wait until there's a Democrat president to go along with a Democrat Congress.
Yeah, because nothing says "helping out the middle class" better than food stamps.
10 p.m.
• Ha. I was flipping channels and came across the last 20 minutes of "Death Wish 3." These “Death Wish” movies are so laughably bad – especially after Part II – that they’re awesome. However, when the final commercial break took place, I soon discovered that there were FIVE of these films. Now I always counted “Murphy’s Law” as a “Death Wish-lite” movie, but they actually made another one after Charles Bronson blew some guy up with a rocket launcher after his girlfriend gets offed? Wait a minute, I could be talking about more than one “Death Wish” movie.
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 4: MikeSC
Well it was only a matter of time before Mike showed up, and for those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again. Honestly, there’s really no way I can convey to a n00b what Mike was like. But let me try nevertheless. If you had anything negative to say about Republicans, then Mike would counter your take. If you tried to counter Mike’s response, he’d counter your counter. Try to counter the counter to the counter? Yep, he’d counter. Want my advice? Don’t try to get the last word on Mike. Yet so many people fell into this trap. If I could sum up Mike’s tenure here, my first thought: Pope smoke. My second thought? CE Hall of Morons. Then there was the phone incident. Oh, the phone incident.
Here is the common template for a MikeSC thread. Start out by giving a vague thread title. Have it involve an easy target. Then let the flaming begin. Man were those some good times. Ever since his banning, I’ve stopped going into CE threads that were created after his forced exodus. Of course, what resulted from this debautury was a new message board that’s been in place for more than two years. Of course, Mike rarely ventures over there, but that’s besides the point.
Mike, you’ll always be my n*gga, and piss on the whiny bitches who bitched about his Current Events (and other folder) tomfoolery.
And just think, I didn't even bring up Mike's exchanges with Ripper -- TSM's own ebony and ivory.
9:15 p.m.
• Well I just had a “God damnit, why couldn’t I think of this 10 minutes prior?” moment. Years ago, the idiot boss declared that me and my co-worker who live two floors away from the rest of the office were REQUIRED to call our receptionist (I’ll call her Jane) whenever we leave the building. Well, today the idiot was trying to call my co-worker but he had left the office a few minutes before. After several attempts he then calls me and asks if my co-worker is there. I said I don’t think so and that I’m pretty sure he walked out a few minutes ago. He then asked, “Well did he leave the building?” N*gga I don’t know. Am I his secretary now? My co-worker then returned and told him the idiot is looking for him. A few minutes later I thought why didn’t I respond by saying “I don’t know if he left the building – why don’t you ask Jane if he left because that’s what we were told to do by you.” Oh, yeah, well I had sex with your wife~!
9:30 p.m.
• Great. So the better half and I did something today that I knew was going to be trouble. With her being knocked up it was time to go to the pregger store for maternity clothes. Three shirts, two pants and two bras. Ugh. Oh well, at least they were on sale. And I finally got to find Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book” and some “100,000+ Baby Name” publication at the local book store for her b-day tomorrow. Maybe now she’ll finally find a name she likes that’s not from “Lord of the Rings.”
11:30 a.m.
• So last Friday I gave my notice. Now I really didn’t know what to expect. Oddly enough, with my social retardation and lackluster people skills, the last time I left one job for another job in the same area was May of 1995. Well, I got fired in 1996, so if you want to count that, I have no problem. Other than that, every job up until this most recent one I left because of relocation. So when I gave my letter, which basically said, "I’m going to be no longer working here,” I wasn’t sure if they would say, “Good. Get out,” or if the exchange would be more amicable. To my surprise, the whole thing went rather well. While I was ready to leave that day, I was more than content to stay two more weeks and finish up my work. Then again, had I left right then and there, those people would have been up poop creek without a paddle or nose plugs.
So for the last week I’ve been working full-time and my soon-to-be former place of employment while working part-time at my soon-to-be-current place of employment. Basically, I’m doing stuff at home during the evenings for the latter place and I’ve put in 60+ hours between the two this past week. Man, I remember back during my college days I used to do this shit all the time. Not only was I a full-time student but I also worked full-time and participated in a few school activities that took up about 20 hours a week. Man were those days a bear. Then after I graduated and moved to Sappy Valley I worked two jobs, seven days a week and 60+ hours a week – all for shit pay. That was another fun 14 months of my life. Now I make decent money and work 40 hours. Christ did I turn into a lazy bastard, especially since my jobs now are white-collar and involve much sitting. My college jobs dealt with customer service and moving around.
This brings back a memory to my Ohio employment, which Swift Terror can attest to. I worked at a test-scoring facility, and while the work was seasonal, it was very jam-packed, which meant plenty of overtime. It always baffled me that people who worked at this place on a seasonal basis would not take full advantage of the wage benefits. For example, if you put in a 40-hour workweek you got an extra $50. If you worked overtime you got time-and-a-half. Many times I’d wonder why people I supervised opted just to work 35 hours per week and no overtime. Me – I was a money-grubbing bastard. After all, on those days that you worked late or worked on weekends, you didn’t really work as hard as you did during the course of a normal workday. Why? Because you were going ABOVE and BEYOND what you were asked to do, so there wasn’t nearly as much scrutiny. The work was going to get done regardless, so what was the point of working harder just because you were getting paid more? Besides, on most of these “panic Saturdays” the bosses above me would bring in bagels or doughnuts and we’d take longer breaks.
Now while I jumped at every chance to make more money, I mentioned there were some people that didn’t. I didn’t agree with their rationale, but there were some instances when I could see why they didn’t care. I had rent, bills and other expenses to pay. Some employees were college students and didn’t have to worry about any of that. Fair enough. But there were also people with the same responsibilities I had that didn’t have the financial means in place to be able to “afford” not getting a few extra dollars. After all, once a project was over, you could have all the time in the world to “relax” when you’re unemployed. But the best part of all this is that these same people that needed the money and didn’t take full advantage of the work available to them would bitch and moan at the end of a project because it ended early. There was one time a person got pissed off because a project ended early and she was only a few hours away from being eligible to collect unemployment. This was the same person that took several weeks off that past season to go on VACATION and didn’t take advantage of the available week or two offered to her before several projects to do prepwork. Man, I used to LOVE doing that. Want me to set up tables and chairs? Want me to sharpen pencils? Make copies? Shit. I’m there. And I was.
And here I wanted to talk about my last Saturday at my place of employment and how this would be the last time I'd do my job with it being a winter month and the air conditioner turned on. (Well, maybe not the AC, but something blows out of those vents during the weekend when the building's owners are there and it's not heat.) Boy, did I go off the beaten path on this one. While I’m on my former job in Ohio, I almost want to bust out the “clerk pimp” story, but I just don’t feel like it at this time. Perhaps in the future, along with the conclusion of my Top 103 Posters list.
7:30 a.m.
• Pickkks for everyone.
Seattle @ Green Bay (8.5)
I think Green Bay will win the game, but not by eight points. Seattle 27, Green Bay 24.
Jacksonville @ New England (13.5)
As much as I want the Jags to win, I have a feeling all the talk about them being an "ideal winter opponent" will probably backfire. New England 31, Jacksonville 17.
San Diego @ Indianapolis (8.5)
I don't think Manning will have another bad game against the Chargers. I also heard Gates is listed as doubtful. Indianapolis 27, San Diego 10.
N.Y. Giants @ Dallas (7.5)
Instead of placing blame on Jessica Simpson, I think the Cowboys have other problems that deal with stuff on the field. But the real question for me in all this Jessica-gate nonsense is why did Romo bring a teammate with him on a vacation in which I probably wouldn't have left the luxury suite for three days? Then again, Simpson brings her parents with her everywhere she goes, so I guess that's worse. Oh, yeah. New York 27, Dallas 17.
12 a.m.
• So earlier this week the better half and I were driving home from work when she pulled out a piece of paper and asked for my opinion on a dozen possible names for girls should kkk jr. be a she. Good lord. Well, I tried my best to be good while she was announcing the names that made her “final cut,” and for the most part I was. Look, I know I’m going to get zero say in what this kid’s going to be named. I know this is all a dog and pony show. I know that, and I’m fine with it. However, the best part of this came after the names were read and I gave my answer. There was a pause and following exchange of words was made.
“Are you sure that’s your favorite name?”
“Yes.”
“You picked the same name as my mom.”
Wow. Imagine that. Mrs. kkk’s mom and I both picked the same name out of a dozen possibilities. What the are the chances of that happening – one in 12? Well you would think is the end of the great what-to-call-our-kid-if-she-sprouts-tits debate. I mean, that’s what I thought. After all, she had her list and two out of the three judges selected the same entry. Cased closed, right?
This evening during dinner, she pulled out another sheet of paper. Do I really need to say any more at this point? She's already got the name for a boy. Like this gender is going to be any different. In the end I really don't care. However, my only condition is that kkk jr. isn’t named after A TELEVISION OR MOVIE CHARACTER!
6:30 p.m.
• So I had “Around the Horn” on and they were talking about some golf chick saying something mean about Tiger Woods. Oh? This ought to be good. Time to make that bitch pay because no matter what she would have said/done a white man doing the same thing would be worse off 100-fold. So after the commercial break I found out what she did.
You got to be fucking kidding me. THAT? Of course, on “PTI” Wilbon was talking about this and said that he would like to watch that “Great Debaters” movie with this chick, get to the scene where there’s a lynching and then “talk about it” afterwards “over coffee.”
For fuck’s sake people, no wonder Hitlery won the primary after crying. My God are we a bunch of pussies. If certain words are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo terrible, and soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hurtful, why don’t we just ban them outright and give prison terms to people that dare say such mean things? If she would have said Tiger's wife loved his colored dong on live TV, then I could understand her getting into a bit of trouble. But lynching? Even I felt bad for this woman, and I have no idea who she is.
It could have been worse, though. She could have said that the liberal sports media gushes over Tiger because they want to see a golfer of color succeed in the PGA.
• Speaking of Hitlery, I heard a few stories after her New Hampshire win that a bunch of soccer moms decided to vote for her after she cried. Uh, lemme get this straight. The same people that were totally off on the polling results now want us to believe them when it comes to this? Next thing you know, there will be news publications out there telling us that global warming will kill us when a generation ago these same media sources told us global cooling would do us in. Boy, it’s good thing that hasn’t happened.
1:30 p.m.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day. This woman married some guy who always plays video games and Instant Messaging on the computer. They have one baby and thinks he should be more responsible. Uhhhh, I don’t think I want to hear the rest of this one…
9:30 p.m.
• You know what’s got me wondering. With the polls and pundits expecting a double-digit Obama win yesterday, and getting a way different result once all the votes were cast, how come I haven’t been hearing about voter disenfranchisement?
How come I haven’t heard about any far-sighted Jews talking about confusing ballots?
How come I haven’t heard about snarling police dogs keeping the three black people in New Hampshire away from the polls?
How come I haven’t heard about calls to nursing homes and flyers littering the plighted areas of town telling people that voting will take place on Wednesday, January 9 instead of Tuesday, January 8?
How come I haven’t heard about defective voting machines or erroneous tabulation counters?
How come?
I’ll tell you what. Seeing how I didn’t hear any of these problems after the 2006 elections, I must say that all that election-reform hooey really must have worked. It seems that literally overnight all of our voting problems were solved. Weird.
8:30 p.m.
• So I’ve been hearing about Roger Clemens and his hard-hitting “60 Minutes” interview. First off, I have to chuckle because I’ve heard more than one person go “OMG Roger knows Mike Wallace – not fair, soft interview!” So we are supposed to discount this interview due to media bias? How come when the same griping goes on in the political world the accusers are right-wing nut jobs? Well that’s because we are. Nevermind. Is Roger telling the truth? I don’t know and I don’t care. I will say this, though. For now I will take his word. Not because I believe in that innocent until proven guilty stuff. But rather if he gets busted for roids, I’ll have plenty of time to make up for saying, “let’s just wait until his dealer comes out of hiding.” But wait, Marian Jones and Barry Bonds did many of the same things – did you believe them? Why should I – they are black.
• Some guy from Ohio State just scored a touchdown on a 65-yard run. I don’t care who wins the BcS title, but I guess I’m pulling for Ohio State. I’m sure they have more white players than LSU, but a bigger reason is I sometimes get tired of hearing how one team is going to dominate a contest before the game even starts. By the way, will a college football fan help me out on this: what do those little symbols on a player’s helmet stand for – the number of games played/started?
• OK, I've had enough of these "productivity enhancer" ads. Go away.
