• So a day or so ago I was chatting with one of my AIM peeps, and he mentioned that IWC writer Rick Scaia (is he still around?) has his own Wikipedia entry. For reasons unbeknownst to me I decided to head over and check this out for myself. I wonder who wrote this entry?
Curious to see if any other Internet Wrestling Reporters have their own little slice of Wikipedia, I decided to see who hit the big-time.
Dave Scheer. Nothing.
Bob Ryder. Nothing. (That "Ryder Report" ain't what you think.)
Scott Keith. Something.
Wade Keller. Something.
Dave Meltzer. Something.
Wrestlecrap. Something.
The Shooters. Nothing.
That’s about all I remember from my rasslin’ days. Oh, there was also Mark Madden. He had his own entry, too, but I was more interested in other parts of his Wikipedia references.
Hmm, I detect a pattern. Actually, I cut out the rest of the WTAE part of this entry, which went on to say he is a guest on "Action Sports Sunday" on WTAE-TV, a half-hour sports discussion show. What I really found funny was that the Shittsburgh City Paper dropped him for "questionable taste," considering this publication is one of those urban papers that you have give away for free. And what does being an Internet Wrestling Celebrity and having your own Wikipedia entry mean? I have no clue.
• Sure animal-rights people will bitch about a pig having to die just so some psycho can hold and cut it up all in the name of “art” instead of putting the carcass to good use – like say, making some hickory-smoked bacon out of it. However, what’s even more appalling to me is that this exhibit was taxpayer funded. Oh well, at least it’s the Brits getting screwed over this time and not Americans. And at least the “artist” will be showing her tits. That's got to count for something, right?
• My new hero. Remember, this guy is a so-called CIVIL RIGHTS leader:
Now lets see if Mr. Young gets made fun of by some comedians posing as Bo-Sox radio announcers.
• Well I’m offended. Shittsburgh’s mayor was recently diagnosed with several brain tumors and has been seeking treatment for his condition. No, that’s not what got my panties in a bunch. It’s that today a public prayer vigil was held from 11 a.m. to noon. On city property. OMG CALL THE ACLU! Where’s The Fascist Barry Lynn to tear shit up when you really need him? What a travesty. There could have been a little atheist walking by this public display of religious activity, and he or she could have been offended by what I had only thought went on in red states. I certainly hope the ACLU does something about this; at the very least they better write a scolding letter to the city threatening legal action if this sort of thing should ever happen again.
• This story cracks me up.
Now these coaches who ordered the intentional walk are going to be vilified more in the press than Hezbollah. I think there are more important things in life than having your pee-wee squad winning some hippie championship, but so what if the weaker hitter was a cancer survivor? Would this story become a nation-wide topic if this kid were just naturally not athletic? Fuck that. If you are going to put a kid like this behind your team’s best hitter, even at the 9-year-old level, then you run the risk of having some win-at-all-costs manager on the other team willing to take advantage of this situation. The only thing I would see “wrong” with this story would be if not allowing intentional walks was an “unwritten” rule or something in this league. If that was the case, then that manager who issued the intentional walk pulled a bitch move; otherwise, all is fair in baseball. If you want to complain that the opposing manager issued an intentional walk of a team’s best player to get to a weaker hitter in a crucial game situation involving grade-school kids, that’s fine. But don’t play up the “cancer” angle because that won’t score any points (not to mention runs) with me.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 58: King PK
He’s a mod that likes fiddling with the folders, much to the chagrin of some posters. He’s also an ass when it comes to NFL teams being in the correct division. But goddamn do I love that Avatar.
• Well it’s been one year since Hurricane Katrina hit and we got to see the Great Society in all of its glory. And while journalists are commemorating the occasion with reflections of how heroic they were during this time last year in their reporting of mass rapes and cannibalism at the Superdome, it’s made me reflect and think of how lucky I am to be living near the Shittsburgh area.
Yeah, you heard me.
It’s hard for hurricanes to move in this far inland, and if Shittsburgh gets slammed, then I’m sure Philadelphia would be taken out first, which is a sacrifice I can deal with (wiping out Harrisburg when the state legislature is in session would be a bonus, too). I don’t think there are any nearby active volcanoes, and although we see a tornado every now and then we aren’t in Tornado Alley. The area doesn't face water shortages like the Desert Southwest, and it’s never too hot or too cold, at least when compared to Alaska and Florida. I guess nothing, not even bad weather, wants to stop by this neck of the woods. In fact, the only disasters I have to deal with around here are Democrats. Sure they may take my house via eminent domain (as probably would most Republicans), but at least I'd get "fair market" value and not be BUTT-fucked by my insurance company should a tornado touch down on my property line.
• So it looks like that guy who claimed to witness JonBenet Ramey’s death probably lied about his involvement with this case. Don’t care. Whenever there is a media storm like this I run for cover by watching DVDs and playing video games until it is safe to turn back on cable news. My only question in this whole fiasco is what the hell is up with those pants?
• This is why I hate it when "children" are mentioned in a story.
Who gives a shit? The man died. Would it have been better if this happened during rehearsal or something when nobody was around? Damn this acrobat. Why did you have to die in front of the CHILDREN?
• If this is indeed true, I’m surprised Amnesty International isn’t all up in a tizzy over this. After all, one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male is have him watch an animation of himself having gay sex with Satan.
• Now this is funny. However I’m a bit suspicious over the authenticity of this bathroom banter.
Bitch you knew your mic was on the whole time. No married woman says such things about her lesser half.
I must have slept in an awkward position last night because I woke up early this morning with one of those nagging headaches. You know, the kind that isn’t quite up to “throbbing” status, but yet it is persistent enough to make you feel like doing nothing – and even when you are doing nothing, it is not as fun as it should be because you have that little pounding going on up there in your cranium (sort of like what you are experiencing right now reading this entry). Since I couldn’t go back to sleep, I began some channel surfing. It’s always interesting to do this once in a while during a part of the day when you are not normally accustomed to watching television; I guess it is a chance to see what those people that are usually up with nothing to do in the wee-hours of the morning have at their disposal for entertainment. As a kid I always used to love staying up late on Sunday nights when I didn’t have to go to school Monday. I don’t know why; the night just seemed so … different. Oh well.
While going through various channels, I came across some profile story of Kathie Lee Gifford. I never had a problem with this chick, but then again I never watched her show with Regis. I’m sure reading my stories about the better half and the cats are annoying enough; I’d imagine having to hear about someone’s two kids on a daily basis would be worse. Still though, I’m not going to badmouth her. The only thing that disturbed me during this show was when she said that a person once called and asked her to make a CD filled with inspirational songs. Her response to this guy was that she would “pray on it,” and then she actually did so. Pray on it? Whenever someone says shit like that I get a little scared. I mean, what exactly do you do when you pray on something like this? “Uh, hi, God. I know you’re up there doing your thing – starting hurricanes, bringing life into this world, waiting for Allah to raise his pocket aces (boy is he going to be mad when you bust out your queen-high straight; and she isn't even wearing a burka), but I was wondering if you could help me out in this bind. No, I’m not asking for your assistance with a cancer-stricken family member. I’m also not wishing you to give me the resolve to leave my cheating scumbag husband. The reason I’m calling you today is because this guy wants me to sing on this album that will undoubtedly be popular with Middle America and bring in a bunch of money. What should I do?” Yeesh.
After watching this show I flipped through a few more channels and came across this A&E Biography on the "Brady Bunch" television show. Why in the hell did I watch this? Oh, I know: to learn that Cousin Oliver did the voice of Michelangelo in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I haven’t seen the sequels, but I really liked the first movie. In fact, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” was one of the few films I watched multiple times in the theater. That and “Weekend at Bernie’s.” (Don’t ask why, because I couldn’t give you an answer.) However, I was a Raphael fan, so I still say fuck Cousin Oliver for single-handedly ruining the “Brady Bunch.” Sure the show was probably crapping out at around this point in the series, but it’s easier, and more fun, to put all of the blame on some kid with glasses and a bowl haircut. Speaking of the “Brady Bunch,” years ago I remember Eve Plumb, the chick who played Jan, on a talk show, and when taking questions from the audience some girl asked Eve if she could do her infamous “Marsha Marsha Marsha” line. Wow, was Eve an asshole to that audience member. Her reply went something like, “Why don’t you just say it again since you obviously know how it goes.” Eve then started pimping her hippie artwork. Listen here, bitch, I get that you are probably sick of people you’ve never seen before approaching you and asking you to do a line or two from your years as Jan Brady, but that’s part of the deal you signed up for all those years ago while your 15 minutes of fame were ticking away. And now you want us to buy your shitty paintings. What you should have done during this talk show is mention how it’s been decades since your “Brady Bunch” stint and that you are always asked to say lines from this brief period of your life, adding how tiresome this can get at times. Then look at that audience member, give a wink and simply say those three repeated words your fans want to hear. Maybe then you would have been able to sell off some of your retarded art.
Side note: the actor who played Oliver is also born on the same day I was, just 12 years earlier. Weird.
My final stop on the channel surfing express came when I stumbled across C-Span’s “Washington Journal.” The reason I stopped here was because something caught my eye – it was the contact information listed at the bottom of the screen telling you what phone numbers to call to get on the show. During the Clinton Administration, C-Span started this gay policy where if you were a certain ideology you had to call a certain number to comment on the air. (RIGHT-WING MEDIA said this was because too many callers were getting through ragging on Bill Clinton.) Well, now the numbers are still segregated, but instead of “Democrats,” “Republicans,” and “Independents,” the phone numbers they had listed were “If you support Democrats,” “If you support the President,” and “Independents.” What about Republicans who don’t support the President? OMG MAINSTREAMLIBERALBIAS! I have no idea when this new phone number listing started. (I can't remember the last time I watched this show for more than three minutes.) The real reason I wanted to bring up “Washington Journal” is to reminisce about my all-time favorite moment on this show. Years ago when Newt Gingrich was still Speaker of the House, C-Span had this reporter on talking about some political issue of the day. This lady was obviously a liberal and had that holier-than-thou smugness many journalists have when covering politics; that kind of sideline jeering that no matter what a politician does it is the wrong decision and children will die. Anyway, this lady had something wrong with her teeth; I can't remember if she was wearing braces or if there was some wiring around her mouth, but it was obvious that she had spent quite a bit of time at a dentist’s office. This prompted an old lady to call in and berate this journalist for saying mean things about Newt. The caller then made a remark about this journalist’s teeth and hung up. In one fell swoop, some 80-year old from a red state shut up both the reporter (she looked like she was about to cry) and the “Washington Journal” host. Were the caller’s remarks mean-spirited? Sure. But they were also funny as hell.
• Allegheny County executive board members (or whatever these people are called) have just passed a public smoking ban that is awaiting a signature from County Chief Executive President Dan Onorato. Here’s what I don’t get about this whole anti-smoking crusade. If puffing cancer sticks is so bad for you (and I’m not saying that it isn’t), then let’s just outright ban these things. I’m not a smoker. Never have been; never will. Well, there were a few times I would light up a Swisher Sweet during my college days, but that was because I needed something to keep me awake while I drove home from 16+ hours worth of work and classes. That Swishers’ tangy taste and aroma helped keep me alert enough so that I didn’t veer off the road and crash into a building. Other than that, I have never touched a cigarette/cigar. (I did consume chewing tobacco one night while drunk, but that’s another story for another time.) Cigarettes are a tax on the stupid, and if you want to smoke them, that’s your choice. I also think it should be the choice of business owners to decide for themselves whether or not to make their establishments a smoking or non-smoking facility. Yeah, I’ve heard the anti-smoking Gestapo say that a bar’s owner is putting the health of his or her customers and employees at risk. Patrons can frequent somewhere else, and employees can get another job. There’s a scale I use that measures how much freedom people should be allowed to have and how much regulation is required for “the greater good.” This issue of letting private businesses decide on giving them the choice of whether to be a smoking or non-smoking facility, or if Big Brother “knows what’s best” and forbids any kind of smoking in a business’ vicinity can play a role in whether or not I determine how much of a commie somebody is. Now if you think Big Brother “knows what’s best” in this situation, don't worry; I won’t necessarily label you a commie for this alone. I do see the other point of view in this debate; I just disagree with it. (By the way, if there is ever a law to outright ban tobacco, I wouldn't complain. Well that is other than knowing that "fat taxes" will be used to replace cigarette taxes, which will be gone as a result of banning tobacco products.)
The best part of this above-mentioned story is that smoking will be allowed to take place in a casino which will soon be sprouting up in the region. Now wait a second. I’ve never been to a casino, nor do I care to, but I’ve seen enough on television to know that quite a few people can fit into one of these places. And yet it’s OK to smoke HERE?! I’m striking up a local tone here because our piece of shit governor Edward Rendell thinks that the state will be better off if we allowed casinos to set up shop in Pennsylvania. My opinion on this matter is mostly indifferent. I don’t care if they get built, but then again I’m not a restaurant owner that will probably get screwed over if a casino gets built next to my business. But Fast Eddie is acting like these casinos will single handedly rejuvenate the state. It’s not. But by the time the idiots who support this initiative realize this, Swindell would already be out of office and headed toward greener pastures.
• Keeping up with the Nanny-State theme, I give this three years before the health Nazis try this sort of shit to Middle America. I can’t wait to see the excuses as to why we’re all a bunch of fatties when fast-food restaurants get banned. By the way, the government is all about limiting our choices for health reasons; hence smoking bans and soon-to-be “fat” bans. But why is it there’s one choice out there that actually kills life and is seemingly untouchable? *whistles and walks away*
• You know, if The Onion would write stuff like this...
...I might actually read what they produce. The sad thing about this is that it isn’t satire; it’s nonfiction. And since I’m talking about The Onion, the only thing I ever intentionally laughed at that was written by them was a story about an athlete blaming God for a loss.
• I heard on the radio today that the Pennsylvania Port Authority has fired its Harrisburg-based lobbying group (Harrisburg is PA’s state capital for the geographically challenged) for wasting money. Wow, when the Port Authority thinks you are wasting too much money, you know the situation is bad. And while I’m on this subject, I’ve been hearing rumblings from this bureaucracy that they need more money or else they’ll have to drastically increase fares. Of course, they can’t just get rid of routes that nobody attends or utilize smaller vehicles to take over these unpopulated stops. That would save money, and we sure as hell can’t have that. One solution I’ve heard is to raise the state gasoline tax by 10 cents per gallon. Let me get this straight. Mass transit is out of money. To get more money, Pennsylvania raises the gas tax. Mass transit relies heavily on gasoline. Mass transit has no money. Makes perfect sense to me. While we’re at it, let’s tax tires and vehicle windows.
• There’s a government school in Michigan that invited this German-based choir to sing at their school. However, there was one stipulation. No religious songs. What was this choir named? “Voices of Heaven.” And people wonder why I call these institutions “government” schools.
• But not everything is negative in this crazy world of ours. Paul Harvey said earlier today that a fellow Aussie is in negotiations to play the role of the late Steve Irwin in a movie about his life. Who’s this Aussie?
Russell Crowe.
Even though later reports deny this annoucement, I don't care. I so want this movie made. “See that croc there? What a beauty. They like to lay in the water and soak up the sun’s rays. But do you know what else they like to do?”
"Fightin!"
• The better half and I got into a disagreement over recently regifting a particular Christmas item, and no it wasn’t a fruitcake. A few years ago we got this $25 Blockbuster card; I can’t remember how or when we got this thing, but it has been posted on our kitchen corkboard for at least 18 months. We don’t go to Blockbuster, and the few times I thought of buying something from this store I could find the same products in better condition and at a cheaper price elsewhere. I don’t know what it is about renting movies; I just don’t like to do so. I’d rather just buy the thing at a cheap price and not feel rushed to return the movie by a certain time or end up paying late fees. Well Mrs. kkk was making some “movie gift pack” for a co-worker, and instead of going out and getting a gift card I suggested we just give this person our current Blockbuster card. It’s not like we spent any money from this piece of plastic, and it’s still in mint condition. What’s the big deal? Well after her bitching about this for a few minutes she finally relented and now we’re regifting. Oh well.
• About a week ago I noticed that Comcast’s On Demand service had available “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Now this film premiered back when I worked at the theater almost 10 years ago, and it was one of those movies I’d walk in and watch for 15-20 minutes at a time, but I would never actually sit through an entire screening. I figured what the hell and watched it. Eh. I could have wasted 90 minutes doing something worse. Anyway, after seeing this film, and remembering its sequel, “I still know what you did last summer,” I wondered why more sequels of this franchise weren’t made. As I was in Target today looking around while the better half was shopping for that PERFECT Christmas card *gag* I came across this. Good God.
• Would the fact this event took place in San Francisco surprise anybody? I can't wait until the city government starts giving the homeless milk money, which of course will be spent on crack and booze.
• So much for safe sex.
• So I’ve just put in nearly a 12-hour workday here at the office, and what has been on this entire time in the middle of December? Why, the AIR CONDITIONING! Now you may be thinking right now that I’m going to go off on a bitch-fest about how cold it is in building and stuff. Far from it. In fact, I love me a cold work environment. My reasons? Here they are in no particular order.
1) Cold rooms let you know you’re still alive. When I'm in a hotbox for eight hours doing white-collar work, I usually doze off about five to six hours into my day. And if you eat anything remotely filling for lunch, you’ll be snoozing in two hour’s tops.
2) When it’s cold outside, you feel the bite of a breeze whenever someone opens a nearby door, should you be near a building’s entrance or exit. When it’s hot outside, you smell people’s body odor, or, worse yet, feet. Good God does that make me want to throw up my lunch. I guess on the bright side if I throw up my lunch I won’t fall asleep from it later in the day.
3) When it’s hot outside, I’ve noticed that if you’re working in front of a computer you tend to get fatigued more, thus becoming more susceptible to headaches and other fun stuff. With the cold, you have a better chance of not feeling comatosed as your day goes by.
4) You actually have an excuse to use sick days. Snowing outside? Hear about a commuter’s nightmare on the morning news? Fuck that shit. I’m staying home. If you want me to come to work so bad, then pick me up, bitch.
5) When I’m doing the behind-the-desk thing, I like to get up and walk down the hall and back every now and then. When it’s hot I sometimes forget to do this until it’s too late and the eye fatigue kicks in. When it’s cold, getting up to circulate the ol’ blood flow is more likely to occur.
So there you have it. Five good reasons why it’s better to be chilly than sweltering at your workplace. Now granted I prefer sunny weather to snowy conditions, but that’s when I’m not earning my paycheck. Otherwise, crank up the AC.
• So Evan Bayh isn’t going to run for president. I’ll survive. Oddly enough, he is one of those Democrats I don’t mind, much like South Dakota’s one Senator Tim Johnson. However, the Indiana Senator has been moving up on my shit list over the last few years, so maybe after another couple of bad votes I might start saying, “kiss my ass” to him as well. Still, he’s no Hitlery.
• Time has just named “You” its Person of the Year. Nobody better say shit about my Top 103 Posters coutdown now.
Wow. I remember when they changed their title from “Man of the Year” to “Person of the Year.” OMG political correctness. Then, in 2001, instead of choosing “Osama bin Laden,” who, like it or not, made an impact on quite a few lives that year, Time pussied out and went with “Rudy Giulani. Then a couple years ago they had some stupid “Whistleblowers” on; I think they were all chicks, too. With all that being said, I have to say this has to be by far the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard (although those three non-person awardees that the above article cited in its third-to-last paragraph are right up there, too). Well, at least until the next time I read something stupid from the mainstreamliberalpress.
8:45 p.m.
• I just heard from the better half that the mother-in-law found a preggers test wrapper in her one trash can. The out-of-control niece-in-law is the only other female that live at that residence. Hmmm.
7:15 p.m.
• So Vern Gagne, when submitting his kkk Bowl IV picks to me this week, asked the following.
Ooooooh, fuck. I didn't notice this. If those two do take their teams to the Super Bowl, I think the media circle-jerk would make Manning Bowl I look like the beltway press coverage that a Republican President gets for a good economy. (Smitty, I can hear you typing your rebuttal right now. Stop it now. It’s too easy a target for you. I expect more from you.) The sad thing is I like both Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith. I have been a Dungy fan ever since he was coaching Tampa Bay, although I did agree with the Bucs bringing in Gruden. Long story short: Dungy took the Bucs from the shit pile of NFL teams and made them contenders. However, Tampa’s ownership wanted to win it all, so they brought in an asshole who wasn’t as soft-spoken. It worked. So fuck all the people who shouted RACISM when this coaching change was made. Regarding Smith, I liked him when he was defensive coordinator at St. Louis, and I remember when Marvin Lewis got the head coaching gig in Cincinnati, I had said at the time that I thought Smith should have been hired instead. Well, it all seemed to work out for Lovie in the end. Good for each of them. However, I’m not ready to deal with all the media crap with either one of them making it to the Super Bowl. (Has there ever been a black head coach in the Super Bowl? I don't think so.) Go whitey.
5:05 p.m.
• So I started playing NCAA Football '05. I figured that if I do that export class thingy I might get back into playing Madden as well. So far my Shittsburgh Panthers kicked the shit out of two nobody teams. Then I lost 15-9 to Nebraska. Fuck. So my season is over. Damn you no-playoff system. I'm going to take my anger out on some team next up who I have never heard of before. Wow, beating crap teams and losing to the schools that are actually good. That's the Panthers for you -- wow, this game is realistic.
5 p.m.
• Time to see how I did last week with those playoff games.
Indianapolis at Baltimore (4.5): Wrong. I should have stuck with the fact the Colts had beaten the Ravens over the last few years.
Philadelphia at New Orleans (5.5): Wrong. Saints won, but not by enough. Oh, and what's up with that chick who wore that "Fuck da Eagles" shirt? Just how long was that shown on TV, and would that have been better for OUR CHILDREN to see than a half-second of Janet Jackson's tit?
Seattle at Chicago (8.5): Wrong. Boy, I'm batting 1.000 here.
New England at San Diego (4.5): Right. Thanks Marty for helping me out. I knew you would come through.
This week's Pickkks.
New Orleans @ Chicago (2.5)
The Saints are a great story and all that shit, but can they beat the Bears? Who's to say they can't? However, I'm playing this one safe. Chicago 17, New Orleans 10.
New England @ Indy (2.5)
I had thought for much of this year that this could be the Colts year to make the Super Bowl. However, with their late-season play I ruled them out. Could I have been wrong? Gee, that's never happened before. Sure the Colts are the Pats' bitch in the playoffs, but this time the game is in a dome. Oh what the hell, I'll go for it. Colts 31, Patriots 27.
8:15 p.m.
• The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before.
• Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard.
I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death.
• With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like:
The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying...
...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players.
8:15 a.m.
• Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother.
Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.
1 p.m.
• I have joked in the past that a baby who survives a Planned Parenthood vacuum is a failed abortion. Wow, was I right.
You know, you could always put the kid up for adoption, you dumb bitch. And now that this has gone public, I can't wait until this kid heads off to school. The schoolyard teasing will be the stuff of legend. I wonder if she at least got her money back from this procedure?
9 a.m.
• This stuff just writes itself.
Maybe OJ's sperm would move quicker if a woman's egg was a bucket of fried ch... Nah, way too easy.
7 a.m.
• You know what sucks about being an adult (in age, if not in mind)? All those ... responsibilities. On Monday, the better half's father went to the hospital because he felt dizzy and was throwing up early that morning. He stayed overnight and yesterday Mrs. kkk and I paid him a visit. When we were there a doctor said that his tests came back fine (for an obese, 60-something smoker) and that he would be free to go. Of course, this meant we had to wait more than an hour for someone else to give him a piece of paper that would sign him out. After taking him home, it was time to do our Tuesday grocery shopping. When the last item was stocked in the fruit celler, it was 10 p.m. I then thought, "Yay, now I get to go back to work in eight hours." Oh well. It could be worse. I could have children.
• Oh boy, my local morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy just said, "we'll talk more about the Scooter Libby trial in the next hour." Guess I'll be listening to music until Boortz comes on in 90 minutes.
8:30 p.m.
• Just found out that the out-of-control niece-in-law has an STD -- lol. I don't know what it's called, but it involves warts, probably leads to cancer and is not going away. When the grandmother confronted her on this sometime today (they found out about this from some gynecology tests that showed "abnormalities"), I was told the niece replied, "It's not an STD. I got it from having multiple sexual partners." When the Web MD printout was shown to her stating that this was indeed a virus, she replied "thanks for ruining my afternoon."
6:30 p.m.
• So I'm at work with the Best of Sean Hannity playing in the background (that's a joke just waiting to be delivered) when he gets a caller talking about how some person got voted off from "American Idol" because she sang a song from the Dixie Terrorists. Oh, and Hannity agreed with him.
9:45 a.m.
• I didn't realized I had so many non-auto-setting clocks. Jesus Christ.
• Actually, I hope you'll be more like the RFK of 2008.
And don't forget to stop by the California primary.
Now FREEZE...
*hip-hop beat*
Music please.
Anyone that correctly guesses where those last three lines are from gets moved up an extra spot on the Top 103 list.
1:30 a.m.
• So Captain America bit the big one.
After reading this place's "Civil War" thread it sounds like he turned into a terrorist anyway, so I say good riddance. The only comic book characters I ever paid attention to (i.e. read more than two of their issues) were Batman, Sgt. Rock and the Punisher. Even though I probably missed out on 99.9 percent of the jokes, I found this funny nevertheless.
8:30 p.m.
• Time to see if I’m a true-blue Juggalo or a Poser. Before I begin, I have a funny/sad story related to the Insane Clown Posse that I would like to share. While working as a team leader for a test-scoring facility in Ohio, I came across this essay answer that was nothing more than the lyrics to ICP’s “Under the Moon” (I can’t remember what the test question was). Oddly enough, that wasn’t the only “rap song” answer I encountered while working this job. In an essay question asking the student to tell a story of how he or she overcame a challenge, I got the lyrics to the Notorious B.I.G. “Warning.” However, at the end of the essay, instead of talking about busting a cap in the home invaders, he wrote something like “Hold on, I hear somebody coming. Hey, it’s Bob and Steve. You two want to go and get something to eat?” But now I’m getting off-track. I have to test my Juggalo cred.
1.) How many members are in ICP?
a) 2
b) 4
c) 1
d) Unknown.
Answer: Two
2.) The members of ICP all have tha same first name , whut is it?
a) Steve
b) Mike
c) illig
d) Joseph
Answer: Fuck, I don’t know. They both look like “Mikes.”
3) Whut are the band-names tha members go by?
a) Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope
b) AnyBody killa(ABK), Jumpsteady
c) Esham, Jumpsteady
d) Dont hav NE
Answer: Easy. J and Shaggy.
4) Whut waz the previous name used by tha members of ICP?(whut waz there street/gang name?)
a) Hatchet Family
b) Tha Dark Carnival
c) Insane Jester Gang
d) Inner City Posse
Answer: Inner City Posse – how the hell do I know that?
5) Whut was tha Story they were trying to tell through music?
a) Story of tha Dark Carnival
b) Hatchet warrior story
c) Tha story of tha jesters/jokers
d) There isnt a story
e) …
Answer: …
6) Did all tha members hav dreads?
a) No
b)Yes
c) Only one did
d) They didnt evere have dreads, they had braids
e) .....
Answer: I’m going with the “braids” answer because I smell a swerve with this one.
7) Well weather they were dreads or braids, why did one of them have to shave them off?
a) Never did
b) No reason
c) A new look
d) For a Movie
Answer: Got to be a movie. LL Cool J showed us his bald head in "Halloween: H2O." Nothing wrong with holding out for the right price.
8) Well if they made a movie whut waz it called?
a) Never made a movie
b) no names, they were music videos
c) Big money hustlas
d) Tha history of Insane Clown Posse
Answer: OK, well it looks like I got #7 right. I’ll go with Hustlas because I doubt they would have went with “Tha history…” title.
9) There were origanaly thought that there was supossed to be 7 joker cards but in tha end how many are there?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 4
d) 10
Answer: Unless there was some change to the joker cards after the Great Milenko, I'm pretty sure the answer is 6.
10) Whut joker card was tha master of Necromancy?
a) Tha Great Milenko
b) Tha Amazing Jeckle brothers
c) Carnival Carnag
d) Tha Wraith
e) Tha Ring Master
f) Tha Riddlebox
Answer: Oh hell, I think I actually know this one. Milenko.
OK, now time to see if I’m Juggalo-worthy. *Clicks submit.*
Juggalo
Your a True Juggalo, Born With a hatchet and a juggalo face, Cruisin with A trunk full of faygo and a car full of fat chix, and haunted by a Dark Carnival, your hmies are family too, and you believe Santa Clause is a fat bitch. Hallowen is prolly ur favorite Holiday. if this is tru and ur a juggalette you should im me on Aim: IndependentJ0ker (with tha number zero) Much Clown love!
I have no idea how many I got wrong on this quiz, and I don’t want to know. Actually, I'm more afraid of how many I got right. Oh hell, I'll admit it. I own Riddlebox, Tunnel of Love and Milenko (all of them are bought used -- even I have my standards). It's all in good campy fun. Plus they make fun of rednecks. OK, final story for tonight. During the late ‘90s, the better half’s mother watched a bit of pro wrestling, which was odd for me when she’d ask me questions about why the Undertaker wasn’t on television (injury) or why did Bret Hart go from the WWF to the “other place” (OMG VINCE SCREWED BRET). But the strangest encounter came when ICP was with the WWF in that “Oddities” group, and my future mother-in-law said that these two performers were “funny” and that she wanted to know if they were “real” musicians (I’m sure I can put quote marks around the word musicians, too). A short while later I gave her a copy of “Riddlebox” because I knew it would offend her beyond belief (almost as bad as the time I informed her of the “Piss Christ”), and I was right. Why she allowed me to eventually marry her daughter I have no idea.
7 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked about how much I like this time of year. However, there was one little thing I forgot to mention that I absolutely fucking hate. For some reason, when the sun starts shining, and people roll down the windows to their vehicles, many people get the urge to drive like assholes – or at least bigger assholes than they usually drive. I get it. You like to drive fast on a highway. Fine. But then people start weaving in and out of lanes during rush hour traffic just to get an extra car length or two. I witnessed several examples of this today, but the best by far was when one car was on its hood with the wheels still spinning. The funny thing was that there were no other cars hit or property damaged. My guess is that the driver was speeding and took a turn or hit the brakes, resulting in his car taking flight or flipping. Good.
• Whatever.
I really don’t care. Last year’s Monday Night crew was “eh,” and I’m sure this trio won’t be much better, or worse. But if this means more J.A. Adande “Jaws” impressions, then I throw my support behind this move.
9:30 a.m.
• Get the hell out of here.
HOWEVER
If there was "good parenting," the kids wouldn't be in daycare in one of these institutions. Yeah, I know, OMG what should SINGLE MOMS and WORKING FAMILIES do~?! and all that shit. How about this: don't have kids before you can afford them.
7:15 p.m.
• For the last few weeks, I’ve been on a “Cops” kick. I guess because the white-trash tales regarding the crackwhore sister-in-law and her out-of-control daughter have recently come to a halt, I need to go elsewhere for my fix. I remember years ago this comedian had a bit about someone he knew that watched this show and tried to guess the race of the perp before he or she showed up on television. Sadly, that’s what I’m doing now, and I’m pretty good at it. In fact, I now have to add another twist to this game: if the perp is white, will he (or she!) be wearing a shirt? And if the perp is black, I try to understand at least half of what the crack head/car thief/druggie says during his 15 minutes of fame on television. And just why am I watching this show? About 45 minutes ago I got done viewing an episode where two girls in a trailer park got into a fight. According to the witnesses, one parent watched the scuffle. But when the other kid’s parent came out to see what was going on, Parent 1 (allegedly) threw a beer at Parent 2. As the po-pos were trying to figure out what was going on, they spoke with Parent 2, who admitted to letting her kid punch the other kid, saying, “This is a trailer park. It’s what they do.”
Oh, but it got better. The next segment had two cops pull up to a house where a 7-year-old locked his mom out of their residence. To make matters better, this brat was making faces by the window when the officers were telling him to let his mom back in the house. The cops eventually broke the front door and the kid hid under a bed. Once he was dragged out to the living, he began screaming and crying. He was also in nothing but his underwear.
• For as much as I hate mowing the lawn, there is one thing I despise more. Raking leaves. There is a tree in my backyard that dumps its load every November/December and I have to rake this shit up. Last year I was waiting for this annual ritual to begin, and of course the day in which all the leaves end up on the ground the better half and I were in the midst of a flu bout. Once I got over this sickness, I slept on my back in an odd way and woke up one morning with so much pain I couldn’t bend over. After a week or two when this condition went away it began to constantly rain or snow. I figured I’ll just rake this shit up come spring. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Wrong. Over the last last two days I’ve done four full leaf bags of these dried-up pieces of shit and I got a few good bags left scattered on my property. God only knows what the neighbors think because I’m sure some of my mess went onto their yard. Then again, they really don’t do much in the realm of lawn preservation, so I’m sure any “outrage” directed at me would be just for show. However, it’s the principle of it all, and I do feel like a schmuck about this mishap. Let’s just say lesson learned. I could have cancer with tubes sticking out of every body part and I’ll still rake these leaves once they fall from that damn tree.
• The MLB season hasn't even started yet and I have to listen to this shit already.
OK, time to play “Who is more diverse?” Is it the league with
60 percent of one race
29 percent of another race
8.5 percent of another race, and
2.5 percent of another;
Or is it the league with
77 percent of one race
21 percent of another race, and
2 percent of other races;
Or is it the league with
69 percent of one race, and
31 percent of another race, plus probably a percentage or two of other races.
If you guessed the first sport, you would be selecting Major League Baseball. Sport number two is the NBA, and sport number three is the NFL. So while the PC bitches at ESPN and other national sports media figureheads gnaw on their fingernails trying to figure out how to bring more black people into America’s National Pastime, I’m doing my best to get more of “my people” those valued starting NFL cornerback slots. But I’ll throw MLB a bone on this one. You want more blacks in your game? Promote the fact being able to steal in your contests is a good thing.
6:30 p.m.
• I’m not a huge golf fan, but I don’t hate on the sport. In fact, whenever one of the “big” tournaments is on I watch some of it if I’m in the mood. I just had the Masters on and Tiger Woods hit his second shot on Hole 17 into a sand trap. CBS’ audio picked up him saying, “Honestly, what the hell just happened.” LOL. I love Tiger.
And that Zach guy who is probably going to win this year said to a reporter guy that Jesus was with him out there with him today. Right. It’s Easter Sunday and Jesus decided to hang out with you on the golf course.
4:30 p.m.
• The NHL is wrapping up, and that means its second season, the Stanley Cup playoffs, will be starting soon. The cool thing about the NHL playoffs is that it seems anything can happen, and many times it does. Unlike, in my opinion, the NBA playoffs, just about any seeded team can make a serious run. Take for example the Edmonton Oilers last year. After almost not getting into the postseason, the number-eight seed came within one game of winning the Stanley Cup. Below are the last seven seasons and the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals matchups. The bracket numbers are the seedings of each team.
2005-2006: Hurricanes (2) d. Oilers (8) 4-3
2004-2005: ------------
2003-2004: Lightning (1) d. Flames (6) 4-3
2002-2003: Devils (2) d. Ducks (7) 4-3
2001-2002: Wings (1) d. Hurricanes (3) 4-1
2000-2001: Avalanche (1) d. Devils (1) 4-3
1999-2000: Devils (4) d. Dallas (2) 4-2
Below are the NBA Finals matchups during this same span.
2005-2006: Heat (2) d. Mavericks (4) 4-2
2004-2005: Spurs (2) d. Pistons (2) 4-3
2003-2004: Pistons (3) d. Lakers (2) 4-1
2002-2003: Spurs (1) d. Nets (2) 4-2
2001-2002: Lakers (3) d. Nets (1) 4-2
2000-2001: Lakers (2) d. 76ers (1) 4-1
1999-2000: Lakers (1) d. Pacers (1) 4-2
How many top seeds in each league made it to the finals of their respective sport: NBA 5, NHL 4.
Number two seeds: NBA 6, NHL 3.
Number three seeds: NBA 2, NHL 1.
Number four seeds: NBA 1, NHL 1.
Number five-eight seeds: NBA 0, NHL 3.
Eh, that doesn’t really validate my point. Let’s see what other numbers I can manipulate. I know, let’s see how many upsets were in each round of playoff competition during this time. Because the NHL didn’t play during the 2004-2005 season, I’m discounting that year’s NBA playoffs, too. (In that year there was a 3/6 seed upset, a 4/5 seed upset and two second- and third-round upsets.
First-round upsets:
8s defeating 1s: NBA 0, NHL 3
7s defeating 2s: NBA 0, NHL 7
6s defeating 3s: NBA 3, NHL 4
5s defeating 4s: NBA 4, NHL 2
Second- and Third-round upsets: NBA 14, NHL, 12
Total upsets in First, Second and Third rounds: NBA 21, NHL 28.
I still don’t know if this validates what I said above, but it’s interesting nevertheless -- especially since there have been more first-round 1/8 upsets than 4/5s in the NHL.
9:15 p.m.
• I’m sure there are a few things being left out of this story, but for now I’ll say go ahead and sue. Look, it’s rated R and the kid is 12. She wouldn’t be allowed to watch this film by herself in the theaters, so at the very least her parents/guardians should have been alerted ahead of time by the government school that this film was going to be shown.
Like I said above, I’m sure there is something being left out: they only saw some snippet of the movie that had no indication of which cowboy was pitching and which one was catching. Now that I think about it, my one horticulture teacher in high school played a few R-rated movies, but we were all 15-17 years of age, not 12. Actually, we had one black/Indian/whatever kid in our class who was a star on our basketball team, and there was a film playing where some kid gets stranded in the jungle and was being raised by monkeys. When there was a scene with several chips screaming, some kid (and no it wasn’t me) said to this kid “there’s your mom.” Ah, juvenile humor. Shit, who am I kidding, I’d laugh at that now. When I was a freshman in high school we had some Iranian-or-close-enough kid who got razzed by one of his friends in class during the first Gulf War when he was asked if his house got bombed last night. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. R-rated movies. Our high school (or was it middle school? Christ I can’t remember) played “The Goonies” as a pre-Christmas break assembly one year, and some parent got pissed off because it was “inappropriate.” Not sure what became of it, but we didn’t watch one of those “American Tale” movies the next year, which was the big rumor. I remember a few times as a kid when “Ghostbusters” was played, much to the chagrin of some parents. Wow, and to think back then the line, “This guy has no dick” was big shit.
• And speaking of R-rated movies, I HATED carding people at the theater, although it was amusing to ask a group of teens for a driver’s license and none of them would have one available, which was odd because someone had to drive them. I never really got a good response to this question. I didn’t really care if some 16-year old wanted to see “Scream” without mom or dad with him, but my Nazi managers would, so I had to do what I did to keep from getting nagged out. Besides, it’s not that hard to buy a PG-13 ticket and then slip into the R-rated film minutes later. Now where am I going with this? Who know, who cares.
• So JJ had to get a bath yesterday. I don’t know why the better half insists on washing him, because after a day or so he stinks again. There’s nothing you can do about it – that’s how he was made and that’s how he will be. But no, we humans try to defy nature. Well, yesterday JJ for some reason trotted into the bathroom right as Mrs. kkk was getting the shampoo and towels out. This gave us the chance to isolate him in the bathroom rather than chasing him all over the house. The second the door closed he knew the jig was up and began crying at the top of his lungs. Jesus Christ. He then began scurrying around the bathroom, like that would help. Once there was some water in the tub it was time for JJ to take his dip.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 25: Flyboy
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way. It’s been a while since I chatted with the tyke, but the one thing I will always remember was the time he asked me for help on an assignment. He had to do some weekly hippie “current events” assignment, where, if memory serves, he had to take a current event and compare it to something that happened a while before that. Asking me for schoolwork help – you know a person doesn’t give a shit about his grade when this transpires. After a quick search of the news wires, I told him why not compare the Berlin Wall to the wall that the Jews were building at the time to keep out those pesky Muslims. He liked the idea and went with it – too bad he wasn’t doing an assignment about the U.S. building a wall to keep out Mexicans. Oh, and he likes them white, err, non-black girls, too. Well, except for one, anyway.
3 p.m.
• Swift Terror stole a bit of my thunder regarding some of the media’s comments about LeBron James and his late-game decisions on whether to take the final shot or pass it off to an open teammate. I didn’t watch last night’s Cavs/Pistons game. Well, actually, I turned on the game at halftime, saw the stats, noticed the Cavs were ahead in some key categories like offensive rebounds and points off turnovers and thought “are they in the lead?” I then saw that Cleveland was up by six points. I then watched Detroit score the next seven points at the start of the third quarter and turned off the television.
This morning I had on ESPN’s Mike and Mike on, and the show's skinny Jew was ragging on James for passing it off to other teammates in the game’s final seconds. The first thought that came into my head was Game 6 of the ’93 NBA finals when Jordan dished it off to a wide-open John Paxon for the series-clinching three-pointer (I forgot about Kerr's shot). I haven’t seen the game footage yet from James’ “moment of truth,” but at this time I’m siding with LeBron. If he had taken the shot and missed, or got to the free-throw line and didn’t make both shots, he’d be criticized for A) choking, or B) not passing it to an open teammate. You can make an argument about James not playing better when the game is on the line, but I’m not going to fault him for passing off to teammates who are set and ready to make an open shot.
Even though I listen to Jim Rome’s show and watch his television show (though not on an everyday basis), I had to tune into his third hour and laugh when I heard him defend his take on this subject and include that “well Michael wouldn’t have passed it to Paxon from 23 feet away” and that “Steve Kerr isn’t Donell Marshall.”
• Time for more PETA fun.
You know, I actually agree with PETA on this one. Forget that fact that the article said “Mike (the now deceased tiger) was moved last year into a $3 million home, complete with a bathing pool and waterfall, that offered 15,000 square feet of living space.” I say let the next Mike roam free. Let’s drop him off, at, say, 501 Front Street in Norfolk, Va. Also, let's not feed him before being released, thus allowing Mikey II to experience the thrill of hunting for his food. Then again, exactly how much sustenance can a big kitty get by munching on hippie vegans? Guess that means he’ll have to kill a few more. That’s a shame.
9 a.m.
• Boortz just had a great line regarding Michael Vick and his dog-fighting troubles.
I wonder if the Georgia Dome will be playing "Who Let The Dogs Out" at Falcon home games this year. I'm sure this will be a popular tune on the road. Here's the story if you're not up-to-date on this, or if you don't read Teke's "Vick Updates" at the other place.
8:30 p.m.
So I was flipping through channels the other day and came across this.
Do I really need to say anything else?
2:30 p.m.
• Please let there be footage of this and have it end up on one of those "Wildest Chases/Stupid Criminals" shows.
Ha, I don't need to wait that long. Here's the video.
7 a.m.
• So Ward Churchill finally got the boot from his cushy academic job.
Now I get to hear about this shit for the next few years while he sues over his free speech rights. Hey, Colorado, you hired him. You gave him tenure. You reap what you sow.
• So whenever you pour some chili on your hot dogs, remember that it was made in the ghetto. Oh well, can't be any worse than the imported shit we get from China and Mexico.
This part made me laugh, but I always get a chuckle from the word "crack house."
8:15 p.m.
• There’s nothing like writing a cover letter while playing Body Count’s “Mama’s Gotta Die Tonight.” I’m a bit pissed with myself because several years ago I composed a kick-ass cover letter that I forgot to save and now can’t find the damn thing. Then again, the best that cover letter could do was land me where I am no, so why am I thinking it was any good? To make matters worse, I can’t really remember what I wrote and haven’t felt motivated to compose a new piece of literary excellence. Then I remember that in a little more than a year from now my one idiot boss will become my workplace’s idiot top guy in charge. Time to start typing.
No.
Nah.
Fuck no.
Oh hell yeah. Time to let the words flow.
6:30 p.m.
• So on Jim Rome's TV show today he was goofing on the Pirates for taking Matt Morris in a trade. We did? OK. Rome pretty much goofed on the Bucs for taking someone who gets paid a shitload of money. Just how much does he make?
Wow, that's sure a lot of money, especially for the Pirates. But I bet this Morris guy is really good.
Uh...
• And the Pirates were also a topic on "Around the Horn." Some player threw his bat 30 rows into the stands, or something like that. Daily double, baby.
• While I'm on the subject of ESPN, if anyone else watched yesterday's NFL Live, did Bonnie Bernstein really say Jerry Jones has just two Super Bowl wins during his Cowboys ownership tenure?
2 p.m.
• And now it's time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Erica is getting married to a guy who has already been married three times. After Dr. Laura yells at her for picking someone who already has three strikes, she asks the 33-year-old Erica if she has her tubes tied. Erica says that the lesser half is fixed, adding that she wouldn't want any kids because this guy is physically abusive. I have no idea what Erica is blubbering about now; something about how she can't find anyone better. God it must be great to have a spouse you can just beat on and control.
1 p.m.
• Since in the last few days we got to see what a commie Al Keiper is, I figured he would be in attendance for this night at the ballpark.
How insensitive. A team actually WON the game? I hope everyone at least got trophies when the teams went out for ice cream afterward.
10:45 a.m.
• A day or so ago I talked about this caller to Boortz who always relates everything to pot. I didn't know his name. He's on the air now: Dave from Montana. Right now he's talking about Boortz visiting the President yesterday and how it's not fair he doesn't get to visit the POTUS. Now he's talking about the border agents who are in jail that shot the Mexican drug dealer. Here it is ... if pot was legal, they officers wouldn't be in jail. Gotta love Dave.
7 a.m.
• So there is this mama deer and two fawns that hang out by the hillside next to where I work. I oftentimes see the fawns romping around, grazing and not bothering anyone, and it gives me a chance to zone out for a few minutes (not like I would anyway even without the outside entertainment). This morning I parked my car and saw the two fawns close to the road. A little too close. I tried shooing them away because, unlike many of my conservative brethren, I don’t get the whole killing animals for sport thing. I mean, that’s why we have black people, right? Anyway, I was also scanning around looking for the mama deer because I’ve heard stories of these animals freaking out whenever they think their babies are in danger. Considering I was carrying a lunch cooler, my briefcase/portfolio thingy and a gallon of green tea, I would be in some serious trouble if Mrs. Deer decided to give me a few hooves to the head. As I watched these two innocent animals graze, they looked up at me from time to time, and then I saw mama deer at the top of the hill. She would look at me every now and then but it seemed she was leaving her babies alone. As I started walking to my office, one of the fawns began following me. Across the street. Ugh. GET OFF THE STREET YOU STUPID ANIMAL! Fortunately, a car came by and spooked the fawns up the hill. However, for a brief second, from my line of sight, it looked like the car was gong to hit the fawn head-on. It wasn’t until after the car passed that I realized the fawn had gotten back on the grass. Jesus, how hard can it be to survive when your only necessity is to STAY ON THE GRASS?
4:15 a.m.
• Better late than never I guess, you academic asshole.
• Earlier today I watched ESPN's college football show for the first time. I might watch future episodes. My favorite part was the sign in the background that read "Lou Holtz for Prethadent." Man that's cold. "O.J. stole my tickets" finished second, but I've watched too many wrestling shows in my lifetime that had similar signs in the crowd. I hate to say it, but for the past year or so I've gotten more interested in watching college football. I don't actually care about any of the teams (although I wanted Texas to beat USC a few years ago), and the fact there's no official playoff system makes these contests nothing more than exhibition games, but in regards to just to "watching football," it's been a surprisingly enjoyable experience.
8:45 a.m.
• So recently some college football coach went off on a columnist for writing a mean column about his one player.
Here’s the column in question.
I’m rather indifferent on if the coach should have called out this columnist – the PTI boys didn’t approve (wonder why). However, I will say this: Whenever these stories pop up, and the argument of “OMG the reporter has a right to free speech,” doesn’t the coach or representative from the team have a right to call out the writer? It’s hilarious to witness, whenever an incident like this happens, how the reporters in the room just stand there and take it, and even though their expressions are not shown on camera, I’m sure many of them have a deer-in-headlights-look. It would be great if a journalist would just respond back, “Yeah I wrote that – prove me wrong, bitch.” Hell, get up on stage with your accuser and have a field day. Now that would make for great television. On a somewhat related story, I remember last year Tony Kornheiser got all pissy when some in the media bashed him for his "Monday Night Football" announcing early into the season. I agreed that it was a bit too early to say he was terrible at this, but is it still "too early"? Amazing how critics/commentators have some of the thinnest skin.
Having read this column, all I have to say is that if a reporter is gonig to say things like "If you believe the rumors and the rumblings...", "Word is...", "Other times, though, Reid has been nicked in games and sat it out instead of gutting it out," then you better have the evidence to back this up. Otherwise, get ready to defend yourself. At least she was able to prove that this quarterback does get the jitters before games.
Oh, and here's the best part of this whole story. From the AP.
• The starting U.S. goalie in the women’s world cup thing got benched for some chick who played good against Brazil several years ago. The starting goalie, Hope Solo, then bitched about being benched after America lost 4-0 and trashed her coach and teammate.
Solo had no reason to be benched due to her play. Now there’s the “she’s a whiner/threw team under the bus” talk, but in this case I don’t blame her. She was probably still pissed from losing, and to make matters worse she had to watch the carnage while sitting on the sideline. If I was her teammate (outside of perhaps the goalie who replaced her), I’d rather have her get pissed off over this than just sit there and say the usual “oh, it’s OK we’re a happy team go U.S.A.” crap.
8 p.m.
• For those that don’t know, I’m taking part in Bored’s college football contest over in the sports thread. Seeing how I know jack shit about college football, I just read over his weekly list of games to pick from and just shoot off the first school that comes to my head from each match-up. This week in my batch of PM’d picks, I had the following:
Commissioning an Internet pick ‘em contest ain’t easy, folks.
• Gee, and here I thought that’s what sick days are for.
Actually, the EAN spokesperson has a point. It’s funny how white-collar jobs oftentimes have sick days, vacation days and holidays-with-pay, but some poor big-box retail clerk or fast-food worker will get shit on for calling off sick. I remember during my Burger King days I was getting ready to relax and watch an afternoon of NBA games when my one manager called and asked me to come into work. Now seeing how I closed Friday and Saturday nights, leaving at around 2 a.m. each time, I didn’t feel like coming in. Besides, that’s what happens when you people hire undependable people and they (gasp!) don’t bother to show up. Well, after I said “no thank you” I heard through the grapevine that the manager bitched about my refusal to come in afterward. Fun times.
While I’m sorta on this subject, the better half’s ex-boss bitched at her for calling off work the day after the Steelers won Super Bowl XL. She stayed up to watch the game with me and decided to use one of her numerous sick/vacation days, especially since there was no work for her planned that particular Monday anyway. Of course, this is the same boss who only worked an hour or two the day of the Steelers victory parade and left to attend that event. Then again, this bitch made Mrs. kkk’s life a living hell, but I guess in the end it all worked out because although the better half now has another crazy boss her situation is not nearly as bad as the previous workplace. (Oh but there are stories.)
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 6: Black Lushus
He’s black and he’s got mad hoes. Or at least that’s what his member title once said. Actually, Mr. Lushus is from Nebraska, has legitimate children and works a full-time job, so what little street cred he had is long gone. Hell, he’s completely sold out by becoming a message board administrator over at the other place; instead of being oppressed, he’s become The Man holding others down. Then again, I guess you could claim pimpage or something if you really wanted. With all that said, there are two things that would (and should) put Black in anyone’s Top XX list. 1) Three certain words. 2) He befriended a fellow poster in real life and has allowed his young daughter around said poster. Who is this person -- someone in his 30s with a steady job and family of his own?
Not quite.
9 p.m.
• I was Googling, came across this and laughed.
8 p.m.
• So I heard this morning that the Steelers busted out their ALL-TIME TEAM or whatever it’s being called. It’s the franchise’s 75th anniversary, so naturally they’re doing gay stuff like this all season long. Time to guess who made it to this squad.
Quarterback: Terry Bradshaw.
Running Back: Jerome Bettis.
Fullback: Franco Harris.
Tight End: Trick question – the Steelers, until recently, never used them. I guess Bennie Cunningham since he never got to do anything but block while he played.
Wide Receivers: Lynn Swann, John Stallworth, Hines Ward.
Tackles: No clue.
Guards: Alan Faneca. That’s all I got.
Center: Mike Webster.
Defensive Ends: No clue. Was L.C. Greenwood a tackle or end?
Defensive Tackles: Joe Greene, Casey Hampton.
Outside Linebackers: Jack Ham, Greg Lloyd.
Middle Linebacker: Jack Lambert.
Cornerbacks: Mel Blount, Rod Woodson.
Free Safety: No clue.
Strong Safety: No clue. My guess is Donnie Shell, although I have a feeling Troy Pala-whatever will be named.
Kicker: Gary Anderson.
Punter: No clue. I’ll say Josh Miller.
Yeah, I know I named people from the 1970s, 90s and 00s – sue me. The Steelers were terrible until the ‘70s. Time to see the actual squad.
OFFENSE
Terry Bradshaw - Quarterback (1970-83).
I still find it funny that even after winning two Super Bowls, he was benched in favor of a crackhead.
Jerome Bettis - Running Back (1996-05).
Rocky Bleier - Running Back (1968, 1970-80).
OK, so they went with three “running backs.” They have to give Rocky a break since his ex-wife beat him down in the court hearings.
Franco Harris - Running Back (1972-83).
If memory serves, I thought Franco played in the fullback position. Eh, whatever.
Bennie Cunningham - Tight End (1976-85).
Elbie Nickel - Tight End (1947-57).
No clue.
John Stallworth - Wide Receiver (1974-87).
Lynn Swann - Wide Receiver (1974-82).
Hines Ward - Wide Receiver (1998-Present).
Larry Brown – Offensive Tackle (1971-84).
I forgot about this guy. Shit.
Dermontti Dawson – Center (1988-00).
I love Dawson, but I only did one player per position. The least the Steelers can do is put Mike Webster on the list since he took roids and shortened his life so black and gold fans could feel good and stuff. Wait, he took drugs as a choice. Oh well.
Alan Faneca – Guard (1998-Present).
Tunch Ilkin – Offensive Tackle (1980-92).
Interesting. I liked Tunch’s local radio show when it was on. Didn’t realize he was that good.
Jon Kolb – Offensive Tackle (1969-81).
Heard the name. That’s all I got.
Mike Webster – Center (1974-88).
DEFENSE
Joe Greene – Defensive Tackle (1969-81)
L.C. Greenwood – Defensive End (1969-81)
Ha. He was an end.
Casey Hampton – Nose Tackle (2001-Present)
Ernie Stautner – Defensive Tackle (1950-63)
Dunno.
Dwight White – Defensive End (1971-80)
OK. If they say so.
Jack Ham – Outside Linebacker (1971-82)
Jack Lambert – Middle Linebacker (1974-84)
Greg Lloyd – Outside Linebacker (1988-97)
Joey Porter – Outside Linebacker (1999-2006)
Cool. Joey got on the list.
Andy Russell – Outside Linebacker (1963, 1966-76)
I’d have him on the list if I was going with multiple players at a single position.
Mel Blount – Cornerback (1970-83)
Jack Butler – Defensive Back (1951-59)
Que?
Carnell Lake – Safety (1989-98)
Didn’t realize he was an “all-timer.”
Troy Polamalu – Safety (2003-Present)
Come on, guys. He’s only played a few seasons.
Donnie Shell – Safety (1974-87)
Rod Woodson – Cornerback (1987-96)
SPECIALISTS
Gary Anderson – Kicker (1982-94)
Bobby Walden – Punter (1968-77)
Derp.
Boo. The Steelers took the Jew route and put multiple people in certain positions.
4 p.m.
• So yesterday I talked about Mrs. kkk’s workplace a bit. Basically, she works in a study about crazy people, and the topic is stupid as hell. It’s something like trying to see if women drug addicts have more risky sex than those that don’t. Whatever. The pay is hella good, and the study will last several more years. After that, the better half can ride her boss’s teet for the next study she starts up, then the study after that. Now her boss has a Ph.D. and is still on the young side of things (40s, I think), so this will be a nice gravy train for years to come. Then again, being a Ph.D. and employed through a university, this doesn’t mean Mrs. kkk’s boss is well adjusted. For instance, she’s arranging an open house in the near future that is nothing more than a suck-up-fest for her boss and other people making more than her six-figure salary. So what did Mrs. kkk and her fellow co-worker on this study have to do today? Have a pre-planning pizza party meeting. Jesus Christ.
Oh, and on my side of things, my work monitor that’s more than 10 years old finally died. Time to go to the hippie Mac store and get a new one. Of course, the last time I was at this place I first had to get a price quote for all the shit I was to get (a new work computer and updated software), have someone from work write out a check and then go to the store and purchase the shit. Of course, the problem with this was that the dollar amount was too high and the check wasn’t accepted. I then just put everything on my credit card and got reimbursed for it, which is what I wanted to do all along because that would make the process easier. Thank God I was able to do that again this year. And thank God I was able to find a somewhat decent parking space. Christ is this part of Shittsburgh a left-wing hell hole; talk about being a pilgrim in an unholy land. Oh, yeah. I also suck at parallel parking. I think that’s a big reason many people live in the suburbs – to simply pull into a driveway/garage.
8:30 p.m.
• Well I just had last Friday and today off, and the weird things is I don’t actually like the actual “day off.” I like the fact when I go into work tomorrow I’m facing a four-day workweek. Of course when I get to stay up late on Sunday night there isn’t a Sunday night game on. Bastards.
• Finally got around to seeing the Grudge sequel last night. I know these two movies get blasted, but I like them. It’s a shame none of the victims tried punching the ghost chick in the face or something.
• This is the third consecutive time I’ve been typing something in the computer room and JJ has taken a crap in the room’s litterbox. Goddamnit. It’s funny because this room is his “domain,” although I don’t know what he’d do if someone else tried to take it over. Each of our three have certain territories around the house. JJ’s is the computer room. Max tends to rule the spare bedroom that is also on our second floor, although the other two also hang out there every now and then – although he has claimed the bed. Dessa really doesn’t “claim” a room, but the one heating vent in the kitchen is hers.
• So the Red Sox won it all. Don’t care. I actually think it’s funny A-Rod took his share of the spotlight by saying he’s opting to become a free agent during the Sox’s time in the spotlight. I’m an A-Rod defender, even though he does some bush-league things every now and then. However, I don’t blame him for wanting to leave. You’re set for life. Go to a place that you will be happy playing for during the summer. Then again, he’ll probably go for the biggest payday. Whatever. It’s not my life. Speaking of “bush-league,” I laughed when I heard some Redskins players got pissed when the Patriots “ran up the score” by going for it on 4th down while up by 30+ points. You know the best way to counter this “disrespect”? Go after Tom Brady’s knees.
• Oh for fuck’s sake.
You know, if you can’t graduate from frickin’ HIGH SCHOOL, you’re a loser. The only exception to this is if you have 10 siblings, your parents died and you’re working five jobs to keep food on the table and the lights on. And even then you should be working toward a GED in your spare time.
11:15 p.m.
• So a few days ago I was talking about the “Death Wish” movies, and I discovered there was a Part V. And like a sap I just had to watch it. Good God. An exploding remote controlled soccer ball? At least in “The Dead Pool” the RC Car of Doom was funny to watch. This … gah. However, it’s not like I was going into this one expecting much. But still. Jesus, Charles, did you really have to make one more? I guess maybe because “Death Wish IV” ended on such a downer – you know, your woman getting killed and all. Well, anyway, I had parts “II” and “III” on today as background noise, and I must say that my two favorite scenes from “II” are as follows:
And then there’s the black guy with the funky sunglasses trying to get away in that park shoot-out by holding up a ghetto blaster to his head while trying to back away. L to the O to the L.
Speaking of funny, here is a post on the IMDB message board about “DWII”:
Woo-hoo!
11:45 p.m.
• Yeah, Roger, because we can't have people walking around with guns.
What gives someone the right to do that? Pesky Constitution.
1 p.m.
• So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights.
1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags.
When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?!
2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who.
“I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?”
“Do you really want to live in Rwanda?”
“…”
3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit.
On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.
7 p.m.
• I said this at the other place, but it bears repeating.
This return-to-Washington-gimmick doesn't give me tingly feelings about McCain FIGHTING FOR ME, but Letterman's logic doesn't make any sense. (If "things get tough" wouldn't the "suspension" be leaving Washington and blaming everyone else for the country's woes?) And of course McCain's opponent is a guy known more for voting "present" than actually doing anything of substance. (Then again, I'd rather have Osama do nothing than try to get his agenda pushed...)
• OMG more liberal bias: RePuBliCaNz r DuM.
Son, just because you go to college doesn't mean you're smart. To further prove my point -- I'm a college grad.
• Speaking of "dumb" and "reporters," let's ask an ACTOR who played a WALL STREET MEANIE his opinion of the REAL-LIFE financial zaniness.
Makes perfect sense to me. Like Douglas would know anything about currency speculation or other fancy words that I just put next to each other. Say, what was he doing at the United Nations anyway?
:bonk: :bonk: :bonk: :bonk:
