7:30 p.m.
• So the better half and I went to one of her friend’s house for some birthday party. Not only did the friend’s kid celebrate his fifth birthday, but this was also a place for the usual family members to meet and greet. With this being the first time many of these people have seen the better half since it was announced she was knocked up, we heard a lot of, “what until you have one of your own,” whenever one of the kids in attendance did something.
Some kid screaming for no apparent reason: “Wait until you have one of your own.”
Some kid running around at full speed and crashing into furniture: “Wait until you have one of your own.”
Some kid asking for a present that has yet to be assembled: “Wait until you have one of your own.”
Let’s just say on the drive home Mrs. kkk wasn’t too thrilled with being told 20 times “Wait until you have one of your own.” I didn’t mind the references. Then again, I didn’t hear any of them because I wasn’t paying attention for most of the afternoon. Had I been listening to any of the conversations going on, I would have just counted this “one of your own” stuff with, “Well, I’ll be sure not to pop out a troll.”
Actually, even I did listen to these people, I don't think this "Wait until you have one talk" would have bothered me much. After all, it can't be as annoying as the people that used to come into the Quickie Mart at 6 a.m. and comment on us being up so early. However, what I do see happening in the future is dealing with people who question the way I'm raising kkk Jr. I'm sure those exchanges will be fun.
• Man, I’ll tell you what – today could have been a bad one. I had just gotten out of the shower for said party, dried myself off and put on some clothes. I then went back into the bathroom to get a few things off the one ledge in shower – toothbrush, razor, etc., Suddenly I slipped and fell into the bathtub. When I put out my left hand to cushion the fall, my thumb went back. However, it didn’t go back far enough to break or even sprain. However, it was close enough. It hurt like hell for a few minutes (in fact, it’s still a bit sore), and it made me think of how bad the rest of my day would have been if that thumb would have went back just a tad bit more.
11 p.m.
• I'm not about to read this article, but the headline says it all.
Now if he should win the Democrat nomination and lose in the general election, I can see the next AP Headline.
OK, so I lied. I looked over the article mentioned above, and found this:
A Republican in San Francisco?
Now would I vote for a black presidential candidate? Sure, as long as they'd be willing to bomb brown people.
4:15 p.m.
• Even though I clinched a first-round bye in my kkk Bowl league (had I been playing this year), I might as well see how good (or bad) I would have done this round.
Washington @ Seattle (3.5)
Seattle 27, Washington 17
I’m not high on Seattle, but I’m chalking this one up to the home-team-wins-on-Wild-Card-Weekend. I’ll tell you what, though. If the Redskins win and reach the Conference Championship round, it’s going to make for one hell of a story.
(2.5) Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh
Jacksonville 27, Pittsburgh 10
I can see this game going a number of ways. Jacksonville can just go out there and make Pittsburgh its bitch, or the Steelers will learn and adjust from their first game and win. To do this, I think the Steelers will have to become more of a passing team than a running team. But what’s most odd about this game is that there has been absolutely no fan excitement in the week leading up to this game in the Southwestern Pennsylvania region. Now that is a bad sign.
N.Y. Giants @ Tampa Bay (3.5)
N.Y. Giants 13, Tampa Bay 23
Much like the Steeler game, I can see this one going one of two ways. The Giants took that loss to the Patriots and built some momentum, or they are going to have one hell of a letdown and have the Bucs, which hasn’t done shit in recent weeks, run all over them. I’m opting for the latter because that’s all you’ll be hearing about afterward from the national media: “OMG the Giants should have rested everybody in Week 17~!”
Tennessee @ San Diego (9.5)
Tennessee 10, San Diego 20
I like Vince Young, but I don’t see how the Titans can pull this one off. Their only hope is that Rivers has a terrible game and the Tennessee defense stifles the Chargers rushing attack. Perhaps Young, who is hurt, will be pulled during this game and Collins will rally the troops, but I think San Diego will get out of the first round this year.
11:15 p.m.
• Even though the ad as a whole isn't all that great, what makes me love this spot is Jerry Jones at the very end saying, "Hey, you need this ... I'll take those."
11:59 p.m.
• Wow, you got to love local news. The NBC station is leading off with fan reaction to tonight's Steeler loss. You'd think the mayor died. Get over it, people. IT'S A GAME. Be glad they lost a close game at home to a better team rather than going on the road and losing in a blowout to a MUCH better team.
6:45 p.m.
• Gee, I hope this doesn’t ruin Huckabee’s chances in California. After all, that state has been up for grabs in presidential elections in recent memory.
• So I guess a person has to wait until the president he/she tried to kill actually dies before being let free. That's nice.
11 p.m.
• So today the better half had a case of the morning sickness and didn’t go into work. As she was calling off, she asked me what excuse she should use. My response: “Uh, you’re pregnant, you threw up and you feel like shit.” She wanted to say our roads were bad from the overnight snowfall. Right.
• I really don’t care so much about this story....
... but reading it brought back memories of this local Chinese buffet my friend and I went to during my college days. The food was fine and we ate our share (going to any buffet with even a somewhat full stomach is blasphemy in my opinion), but we would stay well after the lunch buffet “ended” just bs’ing. We didn’t try to get any extra food, and the place was never really crowded in the afternoon, so we weren’t keeping other customers away. However, the owners HATED us, and their reaction to us leaving was always amusing. A few years later the place burned down. Can’t remember if it was arson or not – I think some insurance fraud was suspected, but I’m not sure. Either that or they got really sick of me stopping by.
Speaking of these places, here’s another story, and it also involves Mrs. kkk. When we lived at Sappy Valley, we would go to this local Chinese buffet. Well one time the better half bit off more than she could chew from her sweet and sour pork and had to throw it back up in the bathroom. Knowing that our eating experience was over, I explained to the owner that we just came in and got one plate of food. I said that Mrs. kkk has this condition where if she doesn’t chew her food she sometimes risks regurgitation and such an incident just happened. I didn’t want to throw her food away and asked if I could just put her meal in a take-out container. After all, they also had this take-out deal where you fill a container with grub for a cheaper price than doing the buffet thing. After much skepticism, I was finally permitted to have a to-go container. By this time the better half returned from the bathroom. I told her what I did and noticed that the owner and his wife where staring at every move I was making. It was about this time when Mrs. kkk said to me, “Think you can go up there and get a few egg rolls for later?”
Sure, if you wanted to set off the machine gun turrets this place had fixed on us.
Oh, and like the article above, it would always take some prodding to get more crab legs at the State College buffet. Then again, they were just trying to make a living, so I never cared about that one seafood selection. Espeically since the local college students would empty the crab leg bin as soon as it was filled.
11:45 a.m.
• So I have the Outback Bowl on as background noise and I think I recently heard the ESPN announcer say some guy from Tennessee just ran into the end zone for the first down. Yeah, I know it's a live broadcast and you often mix up your words (that's why I don't think many politician flubs are that funny -- a person might have been campaigning for 12 straight hours and then slip up on a word or phrase), but this got a chuck out of me.
5 p.m.
• New year, new change to KK's Korner. I'm going to start putting more recent updates below the older ones. A few times I noted that I was continuing a story and spoiled a few tales by having the startling conclusions at the top of the page.
• Was flipping channels this afternoon and noted the following:
1) It’s nice to hear Pat Summerall still announcing every now and then. I think the reason for my feelings on this matter is that he’s not going to be around forever.
2) I saw parts of that “winter classic” where the NHL held a hockey game outdoors in Buffalo. I like the idea, and having such a game every year would help the league in terms of publicity and the like. However, who thought it’d be a good idea to have this game take place during college football’s biggest day, outside of the BcS title game?
10:30 p.m.
• I generally don't like their ads, and I've heard bad things about Allstate from some people I know. However, this ad made me laugh out loud the first time I watched it, even though I figured out what was going on early on in the ad.
• Speaking of football, this Sugar Bowl -- ugh. There better be one heck of a second-half rally or we won't have a champion in this year's REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT.
8:30 p.m.
• New job, new likely addition to the family, looks like 2008 is going to be one interesting year. Then again…
Shit.
• So today at work I was called into a staff meeting to go over the new batch of envelopes we all have to stuff. This is awesome. Wednesday could quite possibly be my last full day on the job, and I’m going to spend it stuffing even more mother fuckin’ envelopes.
To make things better, I got an e-mail while I was away from someone I deal with whose project I re-created for her on a larger format because she wanted it to be bigger. I told her that I thought this was a bad idea, but after going through several time-consuming drafts she now tells me that she wants it to be back how it used to look. Oh I can't wait for Thursday (maybe Friday, depending on my mood).
10 p.m.
• So one week ago I found out that the pill isn’t 100 percent effective. Just what happened on that fateful day? Well, Mrs. kkk was at her parents’ house and then I got the phone call. You can figure out who is who.
“I have something to tell you.”
“OK. What is it?”
“I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
“Then why did you say anything?”
“I don’t know. I just need to tell you something.”
“What happened?”
I wonder if she found porn on our computer?
“I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
Wait, her dad just went to the hospital with some gall stone issue. Maybe it isn’t about porn on our computer.
“Is it health related?”
“Yes.”
OK, so her dad has cancer, but at least she didn’t find porn on our computer.
“Well what is it? You expect me to just sit here and wait for you to come home and find out?”
“I’m pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all were positive.”
Maybe I would have wanted her to find porn on our computer.
All in all, the better half was shocked I took the news as well as I did. Look, I make no bones about my feelings toward children. However, we’re married, own our home, have decent jobs and have a rather comfortable standard of living (at least by my standards). I guess this is the next step or something. The biggest concern I have is for the health of the fetus (or “the bean” as Mrs. kkk calls he/she/it). My dreams of all this being one big mishap were dashed when we went to the doctors on Tuesday and everyone was just going about this like she was actually expecting. No, “well, your positive tests could have been the result of too much fiber” or something like that. No such luck.
We’re not sure when the actual conception took place, but right now the docs are guessing Mrs. kkk is four-six weeks knocked up. Here’s how fun my next eight months are going to be: When we went grocery shopping this week, she wanted some Chinese noodle dish. After we got home she said she wanted me to make it because she was feeling tired. Christ, she’s going to pull this shit now? OK, so while doing the dishes already in the sink I made her dinner. After slaving over the stove I brought her food out. I went back in the kitchen to make my dinner. Suddenly I see her running with her hand over her mouth into the bathroom. Seconds later I heard it. “BLLLLLLLLLLLLECH.”
Now come on – I’m not that bad a cook.
10 a.m.
• Since I’m doing GREAT this week, let’s seal the deal:
Arizona @ New Orleans (4.5)
I was going to go with the Cards, but I heard that several Cardinal receivers will be game-time decisions.
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay (3.5)
This one might be interesting to see in regards to how the Falcon players react to their coach leaving. How much more can these guys go through.
(3.5) Baltimore @ Miami
The Ravens shot their wad against the Patriots and got rolled over the next week against the Colts. Now will they come back with a vengeance against the Dolphins or will Miami finally get that first win? Christ, I don’t know. If I go with Baltimore then Miami will win for sure. If I go with Miami, then this will be another one of those weeks where I say, “they have to win SOMETIME” and the ‘Fins don’t. Well, because it’s always fun to see the Ravens lose, I’ll go with them, surely giving Miami its first win of the season.
Buffalo @ Cleveland (5.5)
You know, I was going to go with Cleveland. Then I looked outside and saw how shitty the weather is and figured it can’t be much better in Cleveland. Here’s hoping for a close game.
(9.5) Green Bay @ St. Louis
Uh-oh. Favre’s playing and it’s a DOME. Wait, he’s already won in a dome this year? OK.
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh (3.5)
The Jags always play the Steelers tough, so I’m sticking with them. Steelers will score 17.
N.Y. Jets @ New England (23.5)
Once again, I’m hoping Mother Nature does a better job of keeping the Pats at bay than the Jets.
(7.5) Seattle @ Carolina
It’s Carolina at home.
(4.5) Tennessee @ Kansas City
I have nothing to say about this game. Uh, go Tennessee-D?
(10.5) Indianapolis @ Oakland
I have nothing to say about this game. Uh, go Indianapolis-O?
Detroit @ San Diego (10.5)
Here’s hoping the Lions pulled a “Ravens” where they put everything out on the field the week before and now are ready to get rolled over. Come on, Lions. Quit.
Philadelphia @ Dallas (10.5)
Most people have been talking about the Patriots wanting blood against the Jets. How about T.O. and the Eagles?
Washington @ N.Y. Giants (5.5)
I’m used to this by now. The Redskins will outplay the va-Giants for three quarters and Emily will throw three touchdown passes in the fourth quarter.
Chicago @ Minnesota (9.5)
Now that Minnesota is the TEAM NOBODY WANTS TO FACE IN THE PLAYOFFS, I’m wondering if they’ll cast a stinker now. Actually, I feel kinda bad for the Vikings quarterback. He was getting blasted early on, but I saw a stat last night that said the team was 7-2 when he starts. Uh, yay?
8 p.m.
• Gimmie the Pats.
1:30 p.m.
• So in honor of my soon-to-be departure from my current job, let me take a trip down memory lane for what I like to call the “Nursing Home Roundup.”
It was just over a year ago and my idiot boss was getting ready for our quarterly marketing meeting. Despite our head salesman also being on this marketing committee, he (nor I) never have any idea as to what would be discussed at this event. All that would happen is that our Board of Directors would come from out of state and rubber-stamp everything my idiot boss says. Right before this particular meeting started, the idiot tells our head salesman (I’ll call him Mike), to “follow my lead.” The idiot then gives a presentation about a newfound guaranteed issue promotion to get more money. This left Mike speechless and let me tell you why.
I’m not an insurance salesman, and I doubt you are as well, so let me do an overview of what a guaranteed issue plan is. When you get life insurance, you have fill out some paperwork and undergo a medical examination. It is usually after these examinations that the insurer finds something wrong with the insuree and jacks up the original premium from the advertised amount that initially attracted the insuree. What a guaranteed issue plan does is eliminate the need for a medical examination. So who does this plan attract? Those people who are unable to get life insurance due to their health condition. Get it? Got it? Good.
Right after this meeting, Mike was livid because he said this program was a terrible way to grow the organization. In previous meetings there was talk about getting insurance plans together to attract new members, and all this guaranteed issue plan would do is keep squeezing our already dwindling supply of customers. In addition, he said the only people who would get this plan are those too sick or old to get any other kind of insurance. And he was right. (And because this was a Guaranteed Issue plan, Mike [or any of our agents] didn’t get a commission on any sales they did.)
After manually stuffing envelopes for a week (yes, my powers-that-be don’t believe in outsourcing this menial labor or investing in a folding machine), we mailed out more than 17,000 solicitations to our customers. What was our response rate? Years ago I was told in a college class that if a direct mailing campaign gets a three-to-five percent response rate, then champagne is poured and parties are had. We got less than a one percent response – I think the final number was around 110. And out of these 110, more than half were people older than 65 years of age. In fact, one person DIED just three weeks after being approved. Why do I call this event the “Nursing Home Roundup”? Because that’s just what we did. Instead of trying to market to young families or several other demographic groups that Mike said our organization desperately needed to reach, we went with those whose address is at the local hospice.
When the results of the Nursing Home Roundup were given at a Board Meeting several months later, it was hilarious to see my idiot boss try to spin this disaster into a positive and said the following: “Did the Guaranteed Issue Plan produce what I thought it would? No. Am I disappointed by the results? No. This was the short in the arm that we needed.” It was then a director asked about some “costs” that weren’t included in my idiot boss’ report, pointing out that labor costs for the dozen or so office employees who stuffed the envelopes for a week weren’t listed (the cost to mail these letters out was well in the thousands – near the $10,000 mark). The idiot’s response? “You can do that.” By “do that” he meant “You can factor that in.” See, when you work with an unethical piece of shit, you have to listen to what this person actually says. Trying to get a liar to give you a direct “yes” or “no” answer can be quite a challenge. However, it’s also really fun to do. Here’s another example of watching what someone says.
As our head insurance salesman, you would assume that Mike would be out on the road attending various public events, meeting people and making contacts. Uh, no. Despite having a $5,000 expense budget (which is a joke in itself due to its pittance of an amount), Mike is never allowed to spend this money. Mike only went to two events this past year with costs amounting to $800. The first trip he went on was for an insurance seminar presentation, and the second trip was some annual outing where he meets and greets clients and prospective members. This event was halfway across the country and only put in expenses for gas, tolls and lodging. When it was all said and done, that amount was just under $500. Once he turned in his expense form, he was asked, “In what capacity did you attend this event?” You see, Mike was dressed in “casual” attire and roamed throughout the event’s location talking to people as if he was “one of them” rather than being dressed in a stuffy suit. For some odd reason, people tend to feel more comfortable talking about life insurance and other financial issues in a casual atmosphere. I have no idea why. I would think walking into a sterile office environment with a suit-and-tie salesman would be ideal place to talk about someone a person knows nothing about.
Why am I bringing this up? Because one time a Director asked the idiot boss why Mike’s ability to travel was limited. The idiot’s response: “Mike can go anywhere he wants.” See, Mike can go anywhere he wants, but it would have to be on his own dime, which of course he can’t afford to do. However, my idiot boss can spend several thousand dollars of our organization’s money to take a useless trip to California.
And there's plenty more where this came from.
11:59 p.m.
• So the paperwork finally came through and I'll be working at another place of employment in '08. The question now is when do I quit my current job. For as much as I want to get the hell out of there, I just know if I do so Monday, they will do everything in their power to screw me out of my vacation/holiday time for the past week. Now I'm in the mood for some workplace stories, so expect a few in the near future.
12:45 p.m.
• Good boy.
10 p.m.
• So the better half and I went out to the malls and shit today for some DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS sales. Meh. I don’t really care for the “Day After” sales because they’re not really that good. Plus everybody and their mother are out either returning gifts or spending money/gift cards they go the day before. As an added bonus, due to all the shit I’ve eaten for the last few days I think it finally caught up with me. Blech. To make matters worse, it wasn’t that cold out today (damn you global warming), and the jacket I had on was making me hella hot. Add up all these factors and I had the mother of all headaches today. Bummer. When we got home today I went straight for the Tylenol and the bed. I woke up about 10 minutes ago and figure that I better get my ass to sleep rather soon if I’m to properly deal with going in to work tomorrow. Then again, work probably won’t be all that bad, especially since I’ll have off Friday and Tuesday. Mother fucker, JJ is rolling around on the computer desk and he just fell onto the keyboard. It’s rather odd: the upstairs rooms seem to be his “lair,” although Max generally hangs up here, especially during the summer months. However, JJ will just sit up here for days at a time, only coming down for meals and whenever he gets a spurt of energy. Well, at least my headache’s gone.
Oh, I almost forgot (or wanted to forget): We paid a stop to Babies R Us. When she was pricing cribs and all that other baby stuff she was aghast at the prices and said, "where are the baby items for those on a budget?" My reply: "Target." That actually got a laugh out of her. Oh, and there are these things called "Pregger Pops" that are supposed to help with morning sickness and all that other shit knocked up women go through. That's all I got.
1 p.m.
• OK, I got one of these what-were-you-doing-during-the-1980s and decided to give it a go. These answers will be the first thing that comes to mind. I noticed while copying and pasting the questions that there are some “favorites” listed. My first thought will be my “favorite” during the time. So if I'm asked about my “favorite 1980s athlete,” it would be my thought during the 1980s, not my “current-day” favorite athlete from the 1980s.
remember when.....
1.How old were you in 1980?
4-5
2. How old were you in 1989?
13-14
3. Were you a Toys R' Us kid?
Not until the local Children's Palace went under
4. Did you watch Transformers?
Not really
5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen?
I think so
6. Did you own a Lite Bright?
I think so
7. Who is your Favorite Golden Girl?
Sofia
8. When someone says " Who you gonna call? " You think?
Ghosbusters
9. What was your favorite toy?
Star Wars action figures or dinosaur figures. I got a few miles out of my Bigwheel, too. That was all before video games, of course.
10. Did you have a Pogo Ball?
No
11. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
No
12. What New Kid did you have a crush on?
None
13. Did you play M.A.S.H.?
You could “play” it?
14. Did you watch The Care Bears?
No
15. Did you have Jelly bracelets?
The hell are these questions?
16. Did you have a charm necklace and/or bracelet?
Fuck no
17. Did you own a glo-worm?
No
18. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
No
19. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
Neither -- if forced to choose, The Breakfast Club
20. Did you have a crazy hair style?
No (only when I woke up in the morning before taking a shower)
21. What was your first bike?
A shitty used bike with faggy handlebars I got for $20. Years later I got a Huffy BMX.
22. Name one thing you still own from your childhood?
Oh Christ. My video games, sports cards, many of my action figures and cars. All are boxed up. I am meaning to one day re-organize my card collection, and I’m probably just going to have kkk Jr. play with my old stuff.
23. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid?
No
24. Did you dress like Madonna?
No
25. Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry shortcake, if only for the food factor
26. Did you watch Miami Vice?
No, but I had the soundtrack
27. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
No
28. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Yes
29. Atari or Nintendo?
Atari, then Sega
30. Did you play Pac-Man?
Hell yeah
31. Which was better: Jem and The Holograms or Barbie and The Rockers!?
Jem. There was a kid in school named “James” and we goofed on him with the help of said cartoon.
32. He-Man or She-Ra?
He-Man.
33. What movie scared you the most?
Wow. I can’t think of one. I know I always used to watch this weekly “Saturday Nightmares” movie-of-the-week thing and just about every one of those freaked me out in some way. Can’t remember any of the names though.
34. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson?
(Sigh) Yes.
35. G.I. Joe cartoon or comics?
Cartoon, although I was never a big G.I. Joe fan.
36. Favorite 80's movie?
Ghostbusters, although Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade popped into my head later.
37. Most nostalgic 80's movie?
Hmmm, I’d have to say “Ghostbusters” again. Just the memories of where I used to watch that film. Then again, I remember watching “Hunt for Red October” in the theater with people SMOKING around me. Oh, how could I have been so stupid? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Wait, were they in the 1980? Shit. Off by one year.
38. 3-2-1 Contact or Reading Rainbow?
Huh? I remember Picture Pages -- does that count?
39. Muppet Movie of the 80's:
Not a Muppets fan.
40. Favorite 80's sports dynasty?
You probably can’t call the Pistons of the late 1980s-early 1990s a “dynasty,” so I’d have to go with the Boston Celtics (if you could call them such a thing, too). Didn’t like the 49ers because they were getting up there with the beloved “Stillers” of the 1970s in Super Bowl wins. Didn’t really follow basketball but I knew who Larry Bird was, so yay.
41. Best Sitcom?
The Cosby show with the “new” Mamma’s Family a close second.
42. Favorite WWF Wrestler of the 80's?
Sgt. Slaughter, with that KoKo B-Ware/Owen Hart tag team an afterthought.
12:15 p.m.
• I need to check the last few weeks of my kkk Bowl matchups to see if I'm winning any of these contests.
(3.5) Cleveland @ Cincinnati. Won't be as high-scoring as the last affair, but I'm hoping the Browns play like the playoffs are at stake.
(9.5) Green Bay @ Chicago. I wasn't sure about this one. I'm hoping the Bears defense is so pissed off by the offensive unit that they mail this one in.
Houston @ Indianapolis (7.5). Oakland lost by a touchdown last week. I'm hoping the Texans can do the same.
Kansas City @ Detroit (4.5). Sure they are in a free-fall, but the Lions can win this one, can't they?
Miami @ New England (100) (22.5). You're on a roll, Miami. Lose by just three touchdowns.
(3.5) N.Y. Giants @ Buffalo. I don't think Buffalo will mail this one in, even though they are out of the playoff race.
Oakland @ Jacksonville (13.5). Jacksonville will win by 13. I hope.
Philadelphia @ New Orleans (3.5). I heard the Saints are sill in the wild-card hunt. No shit.
Washington @ Minnesota (6.5). Here's hoping the Vikings win by 4. Also, I guess they are now the NFC team analysts are saying, "Boy I sure wouldn't want to meet them in the playoffs." Christ I hate that line. I feel the need to bitch about this cliche again, but maybe some other time.
Atlanta @ Arizona (10.5). Hmm, I'm getting second thoughts about this one. No. Keep it as is.
Baltimore @ Seattle (10.5). Seattle will win, but not in double digits.
N.Y. Jets @ Tennessee (8.5). That spread seems too big for me.
(6.5) Tampa Bay @ San Francisco. I'm gettng second thoughts about this one, too. Shit.
Denver @ San Diego (8.5). I'm curious to see how the Chargers play in the postseason.
8 p.m.
• I'll take the Cowboys to win by 10+ points.
• Atari Porn. That's all I got to say.
10:15 a.m.
• So the primary car needs its annual inspection along with some brake work. We turned it into the gas station/mechanic’s place yesterday, and I had to wait 10 minutes for the poor cashier to get done ringing up some guy with a shitload of instant lottery tickets. Ugh. I’ve stated several times before that I hate lottery people, especially at a Quickie Mart. The point of a convenience store is to get in and out fast, and wanting to cash in a dozen lottery tickets, along with buying a dozen more, defeats this purpose. It’s like paying for 13 grocery items in a 10-item express lane via check. Oh well. I really wasn’t annoyed by this, but it was sad to see the poor cashier with the deer-in-headlights look because her line was growing due to this douche in front of her hoping to hit it big with government-sanctioned gambling. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. So I got the call this morning from the mechanic about the brakes needing replaced, which I figured. It was sad to hear the bracing-for-the-total-cost tone in his voice because I just don’t get how people will flip out over the cost of auto repair. Don’t like the cost? Don’t get the work done at that place of business. The price given to me was fine – my only requirement is that I don’t want to come back for the same problem a week from now. Then I will turn into my asshole state.
• I actually went into this article with a somewhat open mind because I was curious to see how much of a commie Barack Obama was a decade ago.
Oddly enough, many times I don’t care about the “OMG he said this 10 years ago~!” gotcha game. Before he became House Minority Leader in the ‘90s Dick Gephart seemed like a decent enough person. Problem was he was now the representative for all the crackpot liberals so he had to turn up the wacko-notch a bit. Even Al Gore seemed to start off as a conservative Democrat while in Congress before becoming the enviro-weenie he is today. So let’s see what Obama said back in the day.
Whatever. I know the guy’s full of shit, but at least he’s saying the right things to convince the stupid among us that he’d actually be a so-called moderate voice. Hello, what’s this?
You’re blaming a STAFFER for not giving accurate beliefs you are supposed to hold? And you never bothered to correct the record when it went out? Hell, you didn’t even bother to LOOK OVER WHAT THE STAFFER WROTE? OK, I’m done.
11:59 p.m.
• Just when I thought Bryant Gumbel couldn't get any worse. During the Steeler game, Willie Parker got hurt bad on the second play for Pittsburgh. When it was announced that he broke his fibula, one of Gumbel's first thoughts were, "Now that means Fred Taylor will FINALLY get into a pro-bowl game." Jesus Christ, man, the guy just broke his leg. Can't we wait until later in the game to talk about this sort of thing? And don't think I'm saying this because Parker is a Steeler. Bryant also pissed me off a few weeks ago when he made an ass of himself during a Thursday-night Redskins game. The NFL Network ought to be glad they aren't on any "mainstram" cable packages, because the production value of its NFL games leaves MUCH to be desired.
8 p.m.
• (7.5) Pittsburgh @ St. Louis. The Steelers are slumping and the Rams are probably playing better than their record shows. The Black and Gold will score 27.
7 p.m.
• Well this is just lovely. The better half went out with her parents and while they were driving down a two-lane road, some cunt going the opposite way wanted to pass the person in front of her and went into Mrs. kkk's lane. This driver then hit my father-in-law's car... AND FLED THE MOTHER FUCKING SCENE. Right now the better half told me she's fine, even though the car is not driveable. Oh, yeah. The bitch who fled the scene? The motorist she was trying to pass FOLLOWED HER AND TOOK DOWN HER PLATES. Bitch, you going nowhere.
Update to Terror/Smues comments:
Here's what happened. It wasn't the motorist who chased down this cunt. It was a driver behind the motorist. And guess what? The reason he did this was because he was hit by a drunk driver two years ago and was in a coma for 28 days. From what I heard, this guy followed the bitch until she pulled over crying hysterically. The guy then went back to the scene. The cops went out to where the bitch was and she was gone. She eventually came back to the scene after Mrs. kkk went to the emergency room by ambulance and said how sorry she was to my mother-in-law. Much to my surprise my in-law didn't do anything but ignore her. I got picked up by my sister-in-law and went to the hospital (there wasn't a car at my house), and when I gave my "She's OK" updates a few hours later, the sister-in-law and mother-in-law were both amazed at how pissed off I was. I was basically saying how "this cunt needs to fucking die." Of course, I thought I was alone outside the hospital but there were several other people on cell phones around the corner of the building who seemed a little ... scared ... of me and my ravings. I don't remember using the "c" word while on the phone, but I was in such a haze I can't remember. (The mother-in-law told the better half I said it, so I'm not going to doubt her.)
Mrs. kkk isn't going into work this morning, and I was afraid that she might suffer from "next-day soreness/etc." that usually comes with a car accident, but she felt pretty good when she woke up, so that's a good sign. Also, even though this wasn't too far off from being a head-on collision, the impact wasn't too bad -- the car's sides mostly hit, and the better half doesn't remember being "thrusted" or "thrashed" about.
You know, accidents happen. Driving down an icy hill, skidding and hitting another car is an accident. Not seeing a car because it was in that little section of your car that covers up your blind spot, even when you check said spot, is an accident. Bumping into someone in a parking lot because you looked one way, looked another way, then pulling up not knowing the other car was also pulling out right after you looked the "first way" is an accident. Trying to pass someone on a two-lane road, hitting the automobile in the other lane and fleeing the scene is NOT an accident. Oh, and the driver that tracked this bitch down will be getting a "Christmas card" from the kkk household.
8:30 p.m.
• So the better half was getting paranoid about some pinkish discharge yesterday (if I have to hear about this, so do you) and we moved up the scheduled doctor’s visit a week or so to today. Of couse the pink discharge couldn’t have been from getting prodded during her first visit (and everything else shooting out of her has been clear) but I digress. She rescheduled the appointment to 4:30 p.m. We went straight from work to this place and had 20 minutes to space. When we got to this office, which was on the second floor in some suite complex, I really had to go to the bathroom. Problem was, all the restrooms at this place were locked and this suite lost its key to the men’s room. I had to go down the hall and ask someone at that place for their key to the pisser. I could have walked down the road to a public facility and back because were waiting for 45 minutes. However, we were probably squeezed in so I wasn’t complaining. Shortly after we arrived this uppity bitch came in gabbing on her cell phone. When the receptionist asked her to turn off her cell phone because those devices interfere with the medical equipment, the bitch got an attitude and said, “Where does it say that?” The receptionist then pointed to the THREE SIGNS IN FRONT OF THE BITCH’S FACE THAT SAID “NO CELL PHONES – THEY INTERFERE WITH THE MONITOR EQUIPMENT.” I laughed loud enough to be noticed, and the bitch went over to the room’s one corner.
When it was finally the better half’s turn to be prodded, the tech person did her thing and it’s official: Mrs. kkk’s knocked up. The only surprise was that kkk jr. wasn’t as developed as initially thought, which meant the better half got tainted by me sometime in late November rather than in October. That just gives me a few more weeks of listening to the better half bitching about how much her back hurts from dragging around a living being inside of her. It also means that the gender is up for grabs. When we first went to the doctor’s office, she said that if Mrs. kkk got knocked up a while after having sex then there’s a good chance the kid will be a girl. This is because the girly sperm lives longer than the manly sperm. (I’m not saying this – that’s what I was told.) Then again, this makes sense because I’m sure the girl sperm probably nags the boy sperm to the point where the males don’t want to go on living.
It’s odd. The wife wants a boy while I’m actually more partial to a girl. I’m not sure why. Part of the reason is because I hate hunting and fishing, and I know jack shit about cars. If kkk jr. has a penis, he’d probably be looking to put it in some guy’s anus once puberty hits due to my un-manliness. Then again, the one thing I’m dreading about having a girl is … well, let me paraphrase these words from one of the better half’s friends, which sums up my fears perfectly. “With a boy you have to worry about one dick. With a girl, you have to worry about everyone’s dick.” However, all this aside, what’s freaking me out is if the baby will be healthy. I guess that’s better than not caring at all.
Awww, it has my nose.
9 p.m.
• So one of my many unfunny running gags is the “one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male” quips I occasionally do around here. Could another one of these lines be “global warming causes fill-in-the-blank.”
• I heard this story on the radio today and had to roll my eyes.
I wonder why? How about because those that don’t pull all-nighters have already STUDIED and actually took the time to LEARN? I remember in college I transferred my credits from a community college to a four-year institution. Even though all my credits transferred, there were a few “intro” classes I had to sit through. So there I was, one of the few “upper classmen” in a room full of freshmen (and women, wouldn’t want to offend anyone). I was an oddball because I actually completed my midterm assignment early and actually turned in my work a few days before it was due. However, I remember hearing a few of my younger classmates talk to one another on the day this paper was due and bragging about how late they stayed up the night before to complete this assignment. A week or two later I heard these same people complain about the grade they got. One of my favorite lines was, “This isn’t fair. Do you know how long I worked on this?”
Oh, and want to know the source of this survey?
One-hundred twenty students? Good God.
Agreed. Plus you are in such a rush that you don’t really accomplish anything. Whenever I’m working on a project, I never turn it in on the same day I produce the material. Unless I’m given something on the same day it’s due, I’ll always complete an assignment, leave for the day and look over it the next day. Works for me.
8:30 p.m.
• Oh
Lenny Dykstra
David Segui
Larry Bigbie
Brian Roberts
Jack Cust
Tim Laker
Josias Manzanillo
Todd Hundley
Mark Carreon
Hal Morris
Matt Franco
Rondell White
Andy Pettitte
Roger Clemens
Chuck Knoblauch
Jason Grimsley
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Chris Donnels
Todd Williams
Phil Hiatt
Todd Pratt
Kevin Young
Mike Lansing
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Adam Piatt
Miguel Tejada
Jason Christiansen
Mike Stanton
Stephen Randolph
Jerry Hairston
Paul Lo Duca
Adam Riggs
Bart Miadich
Fernando Vina
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Mike Bell
Matt Herges
Gary Bennett
Jim Parque
Brendan Donnelly
Chad Allen
Jeff Williams
Exavier "Nook" Logan
Howie Clark
Paxton Crawford
Ken Caminiti
Rafael Palmeiro
Luis Perez
Derrick Turnbow
Ricky Bones
Ricky Stone
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Paul Byrd
Jose Canseco
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Darren Holmes
Gary Matthews Jr.
John Rocker
Scott Schoeneweis
Ismael Valdez
Matt Williams
Steve Woodard
Benito Santiago
Gary Sheffield
Randy Velarde
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Bobby Estalella
Barry Bonds
Marvin Benard
How could you do it – CHEATING!?!?!? My national pastime is RUINED~!
8:15 p.m.
• Denver will beat Houston. I was filling in my kkk Bowl scores so I get a break.
9:15 p.m.
• So I’m in a bit of a predicament. A week or so ago I got the James Bond DVDs – all four volumes – and finally got around to opening them up and checking them for quality and all that other stuff. I noticed that in two of the 20 disc cases that some of those little prong thingys are busted off and “Goldeneye” seems to have a noticeable ding. Now do I go back and get these discs exchanged? I don’t buy used DVDs because I don’t trust the viewing quality. CDs and video games are fine. If a used CD has a skipped track, then I just move to the next song. If a movie has a similar malfunction then the whole viewing experience is gone. However, this is America. The land of rugged individualism. It’s not like I didn’t actually pay retail price for these movies. Besides, I fast-forwarded through “Goldeneye” last night and everything was fine. I also moved the two discs from the busted prong holders and put each one on the other prong thingy in each disc case. I don’t really watch special features anyway, so if there was going to be any damage done it would be to those discs.
Now my biggest problem is to decide whether or not to watch these movies in chronological order or by the order in which they are place in each of these four volumes followed by “Casino Royals.” What a quandary. Good thing I don’t have anything else to fret about.
• Peep this.
What I find funny is the dateline to this story: Detroit. Then I read the next paragraph.
Woo-hoo – hometown representin’.
• I was flipping channels tonight and saw that I had the OMGFAUXBIGBIZNESSCHANNELLOL2007~! Whatever. Then I saw who was on -- my n*gga Dave Ramsey. I guess he does an hourlong show 8-9 p.m. Cool beans. I'm gonig to have to remember this is on.
Could you see these bureaucrats trying to tell Muslims or other freedom-haters that they can't burn Old Gloy due to pollution concerns?
8:15 p.m.
• So this past weekend was pretty big one for me. After all, I got a new job that I will begin at the start of the year. Sure something may fall through and then you'll get several months of me pissing and moaning even more than usual about this topic. But I'm not that cynical (or so you think). Anyway, Swift Terror made a post in Sunday's entry in which I talked about my new soon-to-be-place of employment. He said, "now it's time for PS3 or XBOX 360...more takehome cash = electronic toys."
Not so fast.
First off, this may be odd but I'm actually content with my PS2 and the games I have. Perhaps I hit my peak with video game tastes because the new consoles don't seem to be worth the price. Then again, I'm not in the mood to shell out several hundred dollars on a new video game system when I'm perfectly content playing Madden '05, NCAA Football '05 and Star Wars Battlefront games. I must note however that this may be changing because the last two games I played on NCAA Football the disc has frozen on me. Grr. At least when I simmed these contests my team won (as it should have because I won my OT game against Wake Forest and was leading by 10 with another scoring drive in the works against UConn in the fourth quarter). But I digress.
This new job won't be much more pay than where I work now, but that's not the reason I'm switching jobs. I'm doing so because the place I work at now is a complete and utter shithole to work at and I need out. However, this new job isn't the only big news I got this weekend, and today's visit to the doctor only confirmed the kkk household's suspicions.
Unless God does a quality check and realizes what he let slip through (it's still the first trimester), I'm going to be a...
...do I need to say anything more?
10:45 p.m.
• My county makes me so proud sometimes.
I noticed when posting this image that its link reads:
www.pittsburghlive.com/photos/2007-12-08/1209-redneck1-a.jpg
• So I mentioned a while back about my recent job interviews. Let me recap.
Had two job interviews on November 27. Both went well. Had the second interview to Job A on December 6. Now what was funny about this one is that the first interview with this place dealt with the Human Resource person, who was doing everything in her power to convince me that her place was a great place to work at. She also said that she wanted me back for a second meeting. After thinking about this for a day (this job wouldn't be the same thing as I'm doing now), I agreed and met up with my would-be boss on 12/6. Everything that this poor HR person did to build this job up was torn down by my new interviewer. First off, he was 20 minutes late. OK. That’s understandable. Secondly, he hadn’t even bothered to look over my resume until the actual interview. Look, if this was a big corporation I could understand. However, there aren’t that many people in his department to oversee. Sorry, but I found that very unprofessional. However, what made it even worse was that he was trying to go down the “overqualified” route, which made me laugh because when he brought up workplace scenarios that he was hoping the ideal candidate would be able to excel in I gave real-life ordeals I’ve gone through that dealt with the exact same topic. As I left this place I thought, “I’d probably choose this place over the shit hole I work at now, but Job B just got the inside track.” I had the second interview to Job B on Friday, and I completely brought down the house. Later that afternoon I got the offer. There’s a few things that need to be ironed out, but nothing that would make me stay where I am now. (“Ironed out” isn’t the right term. Wanting some specifics answered due to the sodomy I’ve experienced at my current place of employment would be more accurate.)
Due to some paperwork that needs to be filed and approved, I’ll be starting January 2 or 3. Of course, there’s always the chance everything will fall through. However, this is unlikely, and this is coming from one paranoid mo’ fo’. All I have to say is that this will probably be the best three weeks of work I’ve had in quite some time.
11:45 p.m.
• If Smues can have his shitty entries, then so can I.
8:45 p.m.
• I heard a day or so ago on local radio that the Pirates were talking with the Cleveland Indians about trading Jason Bay. The talks have since died down. Why oh why does anyone buy a ticket to PNC Park?
• Got a second interview at another place tomorrow. Not sure if I feel like writing about this shit yet. After all, if I don’t get either job, what’s the point of talking about it. I think what sucks the most when job-hunting is that you research the company, you customize a resume/cover letter, if you’re lucky, you schedule the first interview, you prepare for the first interview, if you’re luckier you schedule and prepare the second interview. After all that and you don’t get hired, then it’s back to Square One. !@#%&*
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Dodie calls in and starts talking. Sorry, I was doing work and wasn’t paying much attention. Something about getting a house with her fiancée. Now Dr. Laura wasn’t yelling at this person, so I’m assuming she wasn’t living in sin. Well, when they went to the bank for a mortgage it was revealed that the fiancée had a considerable amount of debt. When asked about this – the lesser half said that he “forgot all about it.”
11:15 p.m.
• Let's see, you could have (see my 1 p.m. entry below for context)...
Ohio State v. USC in the Rose Bowl
West Virginia v. Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl
Hawaii v. Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl
LSU v. Georgia (or Missouri if you'd like) in the Sugar Bowl
Then there would be two semi-final games by the winners of the above-mentioned matchups and then finally a title contest between the final two standing.
Or you could just have LSU v. Ohio State. Yeah, that'll work.
1 p.m.
• Well, it's been a GREAT college football season, and since the anti-playoff queerbos say that a postseason isn't needed for Division 1A college football because the regular seaon is like one big playoff system, then hats off to this year's champion.
The 11-0 University of Hawaii Whatever-They're-Called
I admit it -- I know jack shit about college football. However, I did hear once that there are six BcS conferences. Why can't they just have the champs from each of these six conferences, give a slot to a non-conference team and another bid to an at-large team and have an eight-team playoff? The first round could be your hippie bowl games.
Rose Bowl: Big 10 champ vs. Pac 10 champ.
Orange Bowl: Big East vs. ACC champ.
Fiesta Bowl: Non BcS team vs. Big 12 champ.
Sugar Bowl: SEC champ vs. At large team.
Want to add a few more at-large teams or smaller conference champs? Fine. I don't care. As I said above, I know nothing about college football (among other things). I just spent 5 minutes searching Wikipedia and came up with a better way to determine a champion in big-time college football than what's being done now.
9 p.m.
• So today was Black Friday, and I swear to Christ this is my favorite time of the year. And why wouldn’t it be? Most social uppity-ups tend to bitch about this day because it shows the general public as a bunch of greedy, materialistic malcontents. And to this I say: so what? Look, I’m not advocating trampling over some blue-hair to get a $20 DVD player (unless of course she tries to take it out of your hands). Shit, that $20 DVD player will probably break down after two hours, but that’s not the point. There’s stuff out there. You want it. It’s cheap. Do what you want. And that’s just what I did this morning.
I am a novice in the grand scheme of things when it comes to Black Friday. I started taking part in this annual event a few years ago, and last year I sat it out due to money matters. However, I was back on the wagon this year and in full force with Mrs. kkk. Now, I got my battle plans on Turkey Day when the local newspaper packed its holiday edition with the pages upon pages of colorful ads promoting “door buster” savings and “unbeatable” deals. As I scanned through the ads I took note as to what those on my Christmas list had on their Christmas list, but more importantly I took note as to what I wanted. Yes, much of my Black Friday shopping is for me. I have no kids. My family is almost non-existent. Friends? Nigga plz. Co-workers? I asked my current place of employment about the general attitude toward gift-giving back in 2004 and almost had my head snapped off. So Black Friday is My Friday.
As I said before, I’m not a seasoned vet at doing this early morning shopping thing, but I do consider myself to be a fast learner. Back in 2004 I started out at Best Buy when the clock turned 6 a.m. and that was a total disaster. A huge-ass crowd, disorganized lines, products that weren’t worth the wait. In 2005 I decided to begin at the nearby Kohl’s, which was a better idea because, if memory serves, this store was open at 5 a.m., one hour before everyone else. This year I decided to start out at Kohl’s again. Not only was this Kohl’s now going to be open at 4 A.M. but also there were some shoes that caught my eye and were deeply discounted. The better half also wanted to get a $70 gift basket that was discounted to $20. My theory was that by striking here early, this would give us enough time to scoot over to Target, which was recently built in the same complex as the above-mentioned Kohl’s. After this, we would head out down the road to Wal-Mart, several other stores of interest, the local mall, Best Buy, followed by a trip to another nearby community where there were several stores Mrs. kkk wanted to visit. Sounds good, but did everything go as planned? Were there some flies in the ointment? Was there enough Jew in me to sniff out the real bargains from the bargains-in-name-only?
You’ll have to find out tomorrow. Because I’ve been up since 2:45 a.m. and I’m tired. Real tired.
3 p.m.
• What a proud day for my people.
Then again, after it's all said and done, I'm sure each of them will be getting about $20.
I wonder if this incident was part of the HATE CRIME stats that are rising?
LOL at the BBC surprised at this news. Yeah, there's no racism at all up north. Somebody didn't see "Gangs of New York."
10 p.m.
• Oh man. If the Muslims weren't pissed off at us already, wait until this shit starts showing up on their televisions. (Allah lets them own TV sets, right?)
LOL at the quote in the last paragraph. You just don't want to get your head chopped off. Yeah, MTV will start out by playing videos, but then you guys will soon have "Real Worlds" "Road Rules" and all that other crap that has spawned long after I stopped watching this station. Then again, I'd love to see those "Sweet 16" shows. "Abia wanted something special for her 16th birthday, but when we went shopping for burkas for the big day a man from across the street looked at her, which is the worst thing you can do to a Muslim father. So we stoned her and gave the offending oogler a goat."
• Wait, so now cBS news writers are on strike?
And here I thought all the comedy/fictional writers were already walking the picket line in Tinseltown.
8 p.m.
• The better half and I have to take our newer car for its annual inspection in a few months. I talked a while back about going to this one regular place with our 1988 Corsica that’s about ready to go to the big junkyard up in the sky, and the inspection guy said this car needed a whole bunch of work. Oh hell, I’m too lazy to type all this shit up again.
Well now it’s time for the newer car to get inspected. Mrs. kkk wanted to go to another inspection place because of what the above-mentioned auto shop supposedly did to rip us off. One problem. The place that she wanted to go charges $50 dollars just to get in the door. Now she was flipping out about this but I wasn’t. More power to this guy. Look, if he can maintain a large enough client base with charging $50 upfront he must be doing something right. Mrs. kkk then asked if I wanted to take the car to him. “Hell no,” I said. “There may be people that will pay $50 for the privilege of this guy looking at their car, but I’m not one of those people.” We’re going back to the first mechanic since the newer car is still under warranty and if anything major is needed (which is unlikely) then we’ll just go somewhere else.
9 p.m.
• Yet another reason why I don’t want kids. The other day while talking about Swift Terror’s latest download, I made some remark to the better half about keeping kkk Jr. in his crib out in the living room while I played Madden. Her response, “I’d be OK with that.” Oh hell no we’re not having kids.
• Fuck this shit. Blast away, po-pos.
I’m so sick of hearing this shit about “OMG HE DIDN’T HAVE A GUN WHY DID YOU SHOOT?” Don’t want to get shot? When the cops show up and tell you to get on the ground, do that. I know it’s crazy, but try it.
