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8/17: Announcing JonBenet's Possible Killer

• So one of the big stories coming out the first Monday Night Football game of this NFL preseason was the performance of the new announcing team, particularly that of Tony Kornheiser. Well some in the media were less than complimentary toward Tony’s performance, and I heard earlier this week about Kornheiser ripping into fellow ESPN talking head Mike Golic. I didn’t hear first-hand what Golic said about Tony’s performance, or Kornheiser’s reaction to Golic’s comments on Dan Patrick’s radio show. However, I heard both comments on Golic’s morning radio show the other day. If what Golic said about Kornheiser was indeed “offensive” to him, then Tony needs to grow some thicker skin, and this is not meant to be some sort of cancer joke. Goddamn, what Golic said was nothing – all he really said was that Tony’s performance wasn’t earth shattering. And for someone who makes a living commenting on other people through “Pardon the Interruption,” it is downright laughable for Tony to be whining about the negative criticism about his Monday Night Football performance.   I watched part of the game in question, and yeah the announcing team sounded a bit off. However, this is the first time the three of them have worked together, so naturally there will be a couple of rough edges. Being one of the few people out there who actually liked ESPN’s Sunday Night Football trio of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann and Paul McGuire, I don’t blame Theismann for not being totally in sync with his new colleagues Mike Tirico and Kornheiser. However, the announcing wasn’t godawful or anything; it was just announcing.   I remember the Dennis Miller experiment at ABC a few years ago, and I commented back then about how much I hated listening to him. Looking back, I felt that I overreacted a bit, so I’m not going to be one of those folks who want to tar-and-feather Kornheiser over not being the next Howard Cosell after just one exhibition game. (I will give Miller points for saying after he was released that he held no ill-will toward ABC and thanked them for giving him the job of his dreams for a few years; other people would have complained to any news camera within 50 feet of their shadow.) Besides, even if this trio flops, it’s not like these Monday Night games are on network television. Pro football may be a ratings beast for cable television, but it pales in comparison to network figures, even if the network ratings are on the decline.   • So there’s some guy who’s said he was present when JonBenet Ramsey died. Oh goodie. I haven’t been paying attention to this story, but I’ve heard that his ex-wife or someone says he wasn’t at the Ramseys during the night JonBenet died. Whatever. I’ll wait until some DNA tests are completed before caring about this story. Too bad this guy wasn’t a Catholic priest; JonBenet would still be alive today. Also, thinking back to one of my favorite South Park episodes (the one that focused solely on Butters), I can’t help but wonder if the third public figure in the You’re-A-Liar Club really didn’t kill his ex-wife. First Gary Condit has been cleared of killing his intern he boinked on the side (not to mention on her back and probably while she was on all fours), now it looks like the Ramseys might be cleared of killing their kid once and for all. Could it only be a matter of time before O.J. finds the real killers?

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/17: Alarmed At Wild Hogs

10 p.m.   • Regarding SFA Jack’s workday: One time the fire alarm went off at my place of employment and everybody in the building was like, "uh what do we do?” How about LEAVE THE FUCKING BUIDLING? Was this alarm a short circuit or something like that? Probably. But it’s a FIRE ALARM. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed out. I don’t care if there wasn’t a fire. I didn’t want to be one of those people caught in a raging inferno and have it announced later that despite the fire alarm going off I stayed in the building. Christ, I’m not that stupid.   • You know the funniest thing about this -- I actually paused for several seconds and thought, “Did I really type that earlier today? I don't even remember logging in to TSM today.”   • So the better half and I went to our one friend’s house tonight (the one with the one baby daddy in jail for armed robbery, for those keeping score at home). Not only did her and the baby daddy of kid #2 overpay for this house, but they got an adjustable and the so-called man of the house has a problem with credit-card debt. From what I heard, he maxes out his cards on frivolous shit. Ugh. Seriously, you’re not a kid anymore. You’ve got a mortgage, a pseudo-wife and two kids – one of which isn’t yours. You chose this life. Now deal with it. And by “deal with it,” I don’t mean “go out and buy stupid shit.”   • Christ, I have to go to a stupid board meeting where I sit there all day an collect a per diem that’s half of what I make in a normal workday. With me coming in on Sunday to finish up some work, I would be coming in for a full week, Sunday-Saturday. I thought about this for a second and realized what a lazy shit I’ve become. Back in the day I went to school and worked full-time, I worked two jobs/seven days/60+ hours per week. Now I’m bitching about this? Well, yeah.   • When I was taking out the trash at around 10:30 p.m. last night, I noticed several kids on my street playing football with a glow-in-the-dark pigskin. I then got one of those flashbacks to when I was in high school and did stuff like that. I was bummed for a second until I realized how much I like my present years more than my teen years, believe it or not. Yeah, I was a real bitter, cynical sonofabitch back then.   • Speaking of sorta mid-life crises, the better half got “Wild Hogs” from the mother-in-law to watch tonight. Jesus Christ. I knew this was going to be bad, and I was right. Sadly, Mrs. kkk found it hilarious. Oh well, at least Ray Liotta was a surprise. I had no idea he was that desperate for money.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/16: Lottery People, A Different Breed (Part II)

A few days ago I was talking about Lottery People and how they are different from you and me. To recap, there are two basic types of Lottery People: Those that play games like Powerball and those that go the scratch-off-and-win route. In my recent entry I talked about the “numbers” addicts, and said that for as pathetic as these people are the scratch-off zombies are worse.   Now trying to determine which faction of Lottery People are worse is like trying to decide if you would rather encounter a bunch of black people or Mexicans in a dark alley with $100 in your hand; it usually comes down to one’s personal experiences. While the “Powerball” Lottery People have annoyed me more often during my time working at the Quickie Mart, the “Instant Win” Lottery People have produced more memorable encounters. There’s one that tops them all, however, and it’s a wonder I didn’t get fired from this one.   It started off innocently enough. This middle-aged chick came in and bought a bunch of $2 instant-win tickets. She seemed harmless. Not only did she come at a time when the store wasn’t busy, but also she went to a corner of the store to do her scratching. Many times Instant Win Lottery People just stay at the register and muck up the counter with that scratch-off residue. However, about 10 minutes later she came up to me and said that the one lottery ticket was “defective” and wanted a new one. Whenever a cashier receives a winning instant lottery ticket he or she has to first scan the ticket in the lottery machine. The machine will then ask for a three-digit code that is found on the instant-win ticket. It is only then when a payout is issued. If the three numbers aren’t punched in, there’s no cash payout. (This was back 10 years ago, so I’m not sure if the same process has to be performed.) The issue this woman had was that when she scratched the shit out of her cards she was erasing this three-digit code, too, making her tickets void.   There was a problem with this woman’s request. One of the first things I was taught at the Quickie Mart was NEVER to exchange a used lottery ticket. Now when you’re at a dead-end job you have “rules” that are commonly broken in the name of shutting up whining customers or something of that ilk. Then there are those rules that you are not allowed to bend under any circumstances. Anything dealing with the Pennsylvania lottery fell under the latter. I told this woman that I couldn’t take her “defective” ticket and give her a new one. She started getting pissy with me and whipped out the old, “Well the other guy who works here gave me new tickets,” to which I replied, “I’m not that other guy. And the other guy wasn’t supposed to do that.” This bitch then took out a pen from her purse and demanded to know what my name is, even though my nametag was right in front of her face. I responded by grabbing a writing utensil of my own and asking for her name and phone number. When she asked why I said, “So when you tell your lies to my manager about me I can call you on your line of bullshit.” I never got a number. And she did end up calling my manager. It turns out the “other guy” she had referred to was the boss’s husband.   While I’m talking about Instant Win Lottery People, here is my second most memorable moment. It was Christmas Day 1996 and our lottery machine was down. Now once again one of our “never break under any circumstances” rules was that when the lottery machine goes down you don’t pay out any tickets or sell any non-scratch tickets. Well of course because there are plenty of lazy people out there who give out lottery tickets as presents, I turned away quite a few customers with winning scratch-off tickets. This one guy threw a fucking fit over not being able to get his $1 prize. I told him that the computer system is down and there is nothing I can do. He then whipped out the old, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a $1 ticket,” to which I replied, “Well if it’s only a $1 payout, then what’s the big deal of waiting for when I am permitted to accept the ticket?” He then started to storm out and said those famous words every cashier has heard a million times: “I’m never coming back here again.” This prompted my co-worker at the other register to mutter out “oooooo.” The customer was half-way out the door, stopped, turned back around and yelled, “OK, who said 'OOOOOO'?” My co-worker put his head down and the idiot customer walked up to him and said, “What’s your name?” and looked at his nametag. “Derrick. I’ll remember that name, Derrick.” By this time I was biting down on my tongue so hard that if I had put any more pressure on it I would have tasted blood. I looked at Derrick and replied, “Good job. Now I’m going to have to laugh out loud at this guy while he’s still here,” and began to do just that. This sparked a chain reaction with the other customers in the store. When it was all said and done about a dozen people in the store laughed this guy right out of the place. I don’t know if he ever called to complain about Derrick.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/16: #13, C D'ese Games

kkk's Top 103 Posters     Number 13: NoCal Mike   You know, one might think I hate liberals. And while that may be true, there’s one group out there I hate even more. Those faggot “independents” that are bigger commies than Khrushchev. Fuck I hate these people. If you’re going to be for anti-American shit then just come out and say it. Don’t pretend you’re all high and mighty. Calling yourself an “independent” doesn’t make you any smarter than reactionary fucks like me. Medium-Large Media may spooge all over you come election time, and they might invite to their “focus group rooms” during a debate just so we can see how MODERATES react to the candidates' responses. Give me a break. This is why I love people like NoCal Mike. If you’re going to hate this country, at least be honest about it. NoCal is, and that’s why he rules. Shit, he’s one of the few left-wingers that I believe would vote for Ralph Nader. And while I’m not a huge fan of the "mindless zombies taking over the world” movies, NoCal loves ‘em. Say, maybe he is a Democrat after all. And he watched “OZ,” which might explain some of his opinions on gay marriage. (I hope the future Mrs. NoCalMichelle knows about this.) Wait a second, that "OZ" thread was in response to a thread I started. Uh, nevermind. Go queers!   8 p.m.   • Still haven't really gotten used to MP3 and all that other shit. Damn kids.     7:45 p.m.   • So when I got my super-sized cable package a few weeks ago, one of the channels I’m surprised I haven’t checked out more is the NFL Network. Today I had some preseason game on from several days ago and couldn’t decide if this was a good or bad thing. I’ve never been big into preseason, but I never had my livelihood depend on these “meaningless” games. Charles Barkley once said that preseason is just to screw over the fans, but I don’t have a problem with them. Sure there’s always those handful of starters that get hurt for the year, but this is how many teams gauge second-string talent. Talent that take over for injured or under-performing starters in the regular season. It’s weird watching preseason games because while you watch a missed tackle on a third and 10 play and shrug your shoulders, the defender at fault is probably thinking other things, especially if he’s not the opening-day starter.   • Oh for fuck’s sake, W. can’t get his pro-invasion legislation so now we shouldn’t go after the invaders for the sake of Census figures? Boo-fucking hoo.     When it comes to illegals, there’s only one number that should be considered for the Census: too many.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/15: Ultra-Stupid Lawsuit

9 p.m.   • SPOILERZ AHEAD~! Trust me, you're better off knowing them in this case.   So I got done watching “Ultraviolet.” Here’s the best way I can describe it. About two-thirds of the way through, Mrs. kkk comes home from some Catholic thing they do today and the following conversation takes place.   “What are you watching?” “Ultraviolet.” “What’s it about?” “Honestly. I have no idea.”   So this blood made people vampires and some guy who’s in charge wants them all dead so he makes this kid with stuff in him that can kill them, but it’s actually for humans so Mole’s Girlfriend kills a bunch of people because she’s feeling maternal or something. I don’t know. I really don’t have much of an opinion of this chick. Nothing against her. She seems nice enough. And I like her cheekbones. The facial ones. For some reason when I watch those “Resident Evil” movies I think to myself, “Why am I watching this?” But I do. I really liked the black guy in the first one who got diced. That was kinda Jewish – at least give a brother a chance to get away.   Well it looks like I'm not the only one to give this thing lackluster reviews. Oh, yeah. I forgot about those "Vampire Tears of Resurrection."   6:30 p.m.   • Oh Barry, I was going to defend you on this…     …but then I heard about this.     How about instead of going after Schilling you take on those people that, oh, I don’t know, wrote a book about your shenanigans? Well, I said I was going to comment on your "body armor," and I am a man of my word. I don't see the big deal about the "body armor," when the biggest target on him is his head.   • And while I’m on this subject, n*gga plz.     Honey, what Imus did to you ain’t defamation. If anything, you ought to be thanking him because now you have some recognition. Then again, you can’t blame a sister for trying to get paid – perhaps this will result in an out-of-court settlement or something. Then again, the "libel, slander and defamation" part of the article got me thinking to my favorite line of the "Spiderman" movie series.   "Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander." "It is not. I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel."   Sorry, a little journalism humor.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/15: Secret Blogging Man

7:30 p.m.   • So another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NEVER REVEAL did this Worst *fill in the position* of all time. Now I don’t want to pee in his cornflakes (that’s something nl-asshole would do, the sick bastard), but I felt some of these stats didn’t tell the whole story. For some positions like 2B and SS I’m sure a team would allow the suckitude of a person’s OPS+ (or whatever that thing is) if the player was good defensively. Then again, I have no idea if Don Kessinger committed more errors than Hal Lanier. What, you expect me to actually look this shit up? Just how long have you been skimming through my words just to see pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt or my cats reading my stuff?   Why am I talking about this? Because I’m in a baseball mood today, baby. You see, this other blogger WHOSE IDENTITY I WILL TAKE WITH ME TO THE GRAVE decided to start a thread where you build a MLB team using your favorite club’s draftees. To my surprise, nobody decided to do the Pirates. Well, since the SBuccos are my hometown club, I’ll see what I can do with the renowned Pirate scouting system.   Ohh, there’s Barry Bonds. And Moises Alou. That’s a sure meaty heart of my lineup. Jason Kendall – I always liked him (seriously); Tim Wakefield, too.   …   uhhhh.   Who the hell is Jonathan Albaladejo?   I give up. Besides, anyone remotely good will be traded away to the Yankees or Red Sox in exchange for more prospects, who, if they are any good, will end up with the Yankees or Red Sox a few years later anyway. And the cycle starts all over again -- like welfare clans.   Why am I talking about this? Because another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NOT SAY EVEN IF YOU SHOVE HOT POKERS IN MY CRACK-WHORE SISTER-IN-LAW’S EAR pointed this out to me.     OMG TAXPAYER MONEY SQUANDERED. You know what, at this point I don't care. I say good for Mario. If this were one of the Marvel "Civil War" things that popped up at TSM a while back where you had to pick a side, I'd side with number 66 than any Shittsburgh public official. I've talked about this issue before and my opinion of building a new arena is a better idea than some hippie baseball stadium or field for the Stiilers. Go do a search or two and find the info yourself. I'm tired of linking up past entries.   Oh who the hell am I kidding. You all are lazy pieces of shit.   Now this part of the article is great.     She was SHOCKED. Of course this is the representative of the "Hill District." And by "Hill District" I mean "ghetto." Yeah, I bet she was SHOCKED. In fact, her reaction was probably that of an audience member of the Maury Povich show when the crowd gasps upon hearing that an upcoming guest on a show called "Out of Control Teens" does drugs and has sex. Where the hell am I going with this? No clue.   Say, this part of the article is greater.     "More competitive." Where have I heard that line before? Oh, yeah. Back in the mid-1990s when the Pirates wanted a new stadium. Why, they would move to RALEIGH if they didn't get a new stadium to be "more competitive." The Pens were horrid in the early 2000s -- they never went above 30 wins from 2001-2002 to 2005-2006, but were the Stanley Cup runner-ups last season. And they don't even have their new arena yet. The Pirates have had a new stadium since 2001. Let's see what their records have been since this cash-cow was built.   2001: 62-100 2002: 72-89 2003: 75-87 2004: 72-89 2005: 67-95 2006: 67-95 2007: 68-94   If that is "more competitive" I'd hate to see them phoning in a season.   Here's a not-as-great part of this article. Wow, Fast Eddie decided to stop by the western part of the state. Stay away you piece of shit.     Yeah, money from a slots casino that is becoming a bigger clusterfuck than I thought possible.     Read the rest of the story if you want. Long story short: this whole casino/slots stuff is a joke. But whatever, it's going to SAVE THE SHITTSBURGH REGION. Well, if it keeps most of the ghetto trash away from where I live then I say build that casino ASAP.   And I'm spent.   11:59 p.m.   • Now there was this other blogger who YOU WILL HAVE TO TWIST MY NIPPLES UNTIL THEY ARE PURPLE BEFORE I REVEAL HIS IDENTITY that did a bunch of reviews about hippie horror movies nobody has ever seen in-between his “calling out” of posters at the TSM board. “Marvin, Glenn Beck is gay, lol.” Or worse yet, commenting about “OMG Marney is sure CrAzY~!” Seriously, what is up with those one sentence posts that talk about the zany happenings over at message board part of our happy Internet community? I mean, talking about other posters on a BLOG that nobody reads is just…   is just…   …   Goddamnit.   Anyway, since the conclusion of my Top 103 Posters countdown I have been trying to think of another countdown-ish thing to do. Part of me wanted to do something regarding movie franchises while there were a few television DVD sets that have been screaming for my kkk-ommentary. However, thanks to the awesomeness that is the tune called “Dawn Raid on Fort Knox” I think I have just found the next project to distract me for a time (or at least until I get distracted again). If you can't figure it out by now, don't bother -- it will scare THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of you.   OK, I'm stopping now. No way I'm doing 20 more of these retarded puns. You might as well get the MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN to put two in my head.   19...

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/15: Crashing Busses, Allah Loves To Pre-Pay

• Well apparently Jerome Bettis caused a stir in Shittsburgh by saying he thinks head coach Bill Cowher will leave the team come season’s end. Of course Mark Madden, who doesn’t like Bettis to begin with, had a field day with this subject on his local radio show. I’ve been afraid to listen to any other local sports talk radio today; when it comes to the Steelers, Shittsburgh fans can rank right up there with Red Sox fans in terms of annoyance. Now I didn’t see the Sunday night football game (I forgot that it was even on), so I didn’t see the segment in question. However, I read what Jerome said, and frankly I don’t get the big deal. In a way, I think it would be good timing if Cowher called it a career and left at the end of the season. Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Wiz-something-or-other is going to be a leading candidate for a head coaching job in the NFL, and what better time to pass the torch?   • Well we can all rest safely; those Muslims that bought 600 pre-paid cell phones have had terrorism charges dropped against them. I heard that the reason given was that they were going to sell the phones for a profit in California or something. Okie dokie. Seeing how I remember reading years ago about some terrorist ring where bad guys would buy cartons of cigarettes in the Carolinas then sell them in places like Michigan, with the profit going to naughty things, I don’t blame any law enforcement agency for suspecting shenanigans whenever Abdul enters a store and says “give me, literally, all your phones.” I guess Allah doesn’t like flexible family plans.   • So this morning there was a pretty bad accident on this one interstate I drive to and from my way to work. I heard on the news that a tour bus went out of control and crashed into a concrete road median. Fortunately for me the exit I use to get on I-376 was right next to the accident, so my gridlock experience was minimal; no more than 5 minutes or so. The one good thing about an accident like this, besides not being involved in it, is that once you pass the scene there is absolutely no traffic to deal with. It feels like being shot out of cannon. One thing about this kinda bugged me though. Right by the accident there is a bridge, and in the early morning hours when the accident occurred the local media were all over that structure with their news vans and shit. On my way home that afternoon I noticed that one news vehicle was still there recording footage. Enough already, KDKA.   • I think what pisses me off most about hearing that billions upon billions of dollars are being wasted on Homeland Security aren't the iPods and beer-making equipment being purchased in the name of protecting the homeland. It’s that at my job I have to budget $70,000 for my department, and even though I am more than 15 percent under my expenses so far for the year (and come December, if I’m still around, I expect to be more than 20 percent under) and I’m not allowed to purchase a $150 scanner for my office because I haven't "adequately justified" the purchase to my asshole boss.   • After more than seven months of going through an 82-game season and four rounds of postseason play, I finally won the Stanley Cup in my NHL ’06 game after a 3-2 OT win against the Red Wings. One graphic I got a kick out of was after winning the Conference Finals seeing the players not want to touch that trophy (whatever the hell it's called), which in real life they also don’t touch out of superstition. Uh, hooray and stuff.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/14: Punish Pepper Spray Perps (nes)Quik

8:15 p.m.   • You know, it's shit like this that really pisses me off.     Now most of the time fast-food places try to put good-looking gals at the registers and in drive-thrus. This is done in hopes that irate customers won't be so pissed off in front of a pretty face. I never got that myself. "Yeah, I was going to scream at you for my long wait, but maybe if I act all understanding your panties will get wet and you'll craw through the window and suck me dry while I'm pounding my Big Mac and fries." Now there have been a few instances when I've worked drive thru during my high schools years and I hated it, especially late night. This was because the people back in the grill were cleaning equipment and didn't give a shit how long it took an order to complete. This, of course, made the lazy drive-thru people angry and I had to bear the brunt of it. Fortunately, I never had a pepper spray to the eyes or worse -- just a drive off before the person's order could be complete.   A similar incident to the story mentioned above happened at a somewhat local McDonald's here, and it was funny listening to the one RIGHT-WING RADIO station's local host comment on it. Actually, the callers were the real joy. A number of them opined about how terrible the culture is and all that shit while trying to figure out how to stop it. Here's an idea that isn't put to much use these days in most areas of law enforcement.   PUNISH THE ASSHOLES WHO DO THIS SHIT.   You want to assault some poor teen trying to earn money for college? Give this shit the maximum, harshest penalty available. Send the fuck to juvenile hall or jail. When the teen's scumbag defense lawyer that mommy and daddy paid for trying to whine about it to the judge, have the judge go, "N*gga plz" and tack on a few more months. After a several of these sentences, I'm quite sure it will be safer for customer service representatives to say, "here's your order" and not have to worry about being assaulted. And for the teens that do get ambushed with this kind of bullshit: Find the Jewiest lawyer out there and sue the shit out of the bitches that did this to you. And if these perps are of minor age, go after the parents, which would be even better.   8 p.m.   • Yet another story of wedded bliss. During our grocery store trip today I got a thing of Nestle Quik, or that hippie abbreviated version. Why did I do it? I was in the mood for some chocolaty goodness. That and it was on sale and I had a coupon. Anyway, for some reason we were talking about this on the way home and she said, "Chocolate milk is good ... if you're 10." My retort? "This coming from the person who watches Scooby Doo DVDs when she goes to bed in her Scooby Doo pjs." Silence. Well at least it's the original Scooby Doo cartoons and not the retarded newer versions. I think my first boner came from looking at Daphne, which is odd because I’m not normally attracted to red-heads. Either that or I got my first stiffy from some special Geraldo did back in the day about hookers.   3 p.m.   • You know what I hate about deadlines? Going over shit without the radio on. How can I listen to Boortz when I have stuff to proofread and finalize. Damn responsibility.   • We can't keep illegals from crossing our border. I'm sure this place will be able to control this.     • What the hell was the point of this? "That bitch. I hate her. Say, maybe if I make her cat sterile, that'll teach her a lesson."     The only reason I'm making light of this is that the cat is expected to recover, though I'm not sure the feline's junk will. Oh well, kitties need to be fixed anyway. And it could have been worse than just a box cutter.     • I've mentioned the groundhog that lives under my shed a few times and explained why I leave him alone for the most part. Here's another reason: he's not Grumpy.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/14: Making Noise About Lubing Up Your Crank Shaft

9:15 p.m.   • So this was one fun week. I'll probably bitch about this in greater detail in a future entry, but the better half and I got a new car last night because the people at Kenny Ross Chevrolet are a bunch of stupid fucks who should all die in an explosion. Actually, this all started four years ago when an airbag did not deploy and a chain reaction leading up to this day began its slow path to destiny.   • After reading this story I noticed the lack of any photos.     Time to play Google:     Well I was expecting worse. And God only knows what my neighbors have heard from the better half and I over the years. Actually, we don't make that much noise although one time in Ohio some guy drove by our townhouse during one of our bedroom romps and he shouted out, "We can see you!" Oops. Then again, who knows how much noise you make. While in Ohio we often heard my one ex-neighbor with her trucker boyfriend do the do. Fortunately for us it would last about 30 seconds -- seriously.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/14: Lord Of My Manor, Not Of My Ring

11 p.m.   • Let’s see: Get into work at 10:30 a.m., leave at 9:15 p.m. Why the hell do I do this? Oh, yeah. Because whenever I’m here on the weekends, I won’t be there sometime during the week. That’s why. Besides, the drive home was great. No traffic, clear night, had the NLCS on ESPN radio. Only regret was missing my football games today and I didn’t get to go through my Sunday papers/coupons/etc. Oh well, that’s what tomorrow is for.   But the real fun began when I got home. No, Mrs. kkk wasn’t bitching at me for being at work all day – she was already asleep. The fun came about 30 minutes later when I realized my wedding ring wasn’t on my finger. The fuck? When did this happen? Good thing the better half is asleep. Time to backtrack. Did the ring fall in the sink’s drain when I washed my hands in the bathroom? I can’t remember if I still had it on at that time. I normally take it off and put it on the spice rack when doing the dishes. Problem was it wasn’t on the rack when I cleaned the dishes. Well the cats aren’t playing with anything shiny on the floor, so that’s a plus – but did the already bat it under a couch or major appliance? Yikes. Could it have fallen outside when I was on my way inside the house? No clue. Fuck. It’s been 30 minutes and I can’t find this goddamn thing. I’ve looked everywhere I’ve been so far tonight. The car, the walkway, the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, the bedroom. I’ve sifted through the garbage can, looked in several cabinets, peered down into the bathroom sink’s drain, and peered into a bunch of crevices. No luck. Wait a minute. What about my drawer in which I keep a bunch of useless shit, including my cell phone’s AC adapter, which I took into work with me today. When I opened the drawer I heard a “clink.” Oh thank God.   Now it’s time for bed.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/14: #62, Preventing Accidents, Injuries

KKK’s Top 103 Posters   Number 62: The Scotsman   I don’t think I’ve read more than two or three posts from the Scotsman here at TSM, but he was such an entertaining figure for me at other places that I just have to include him. For those that don’t know, Scotsman had his own Web site for a while which was titled Scotsmanality, and in it he would chronicle his life’s events and wax poetic about other subjects (usually dealing with those of a certain race or sexual preference). While some people didn’t care for his writing, I thought he was downright hilarious. In fact, my OMG FAUX NEWS LOL 200X! was based off of a similar phrase he used when goofing on people with AOL e-mail accounts. It looks like Scotsmanality has since closed down; from what I heard he decided to start playing poker instead of writing about his crack-head neighbors and giving us “where are they nows” involving his grade-school classmates from Scotland (and of course saving the only black kid in his class for last). Hopefully he’s making a decent living with his choice of career path, considering at the time of his site’s closing he had a wife and kid. (Or was it a live-in girlfriend? I can’t remember what their situation was – either way: nice piece of ass; good work.) I only spoke with him once via AIM, and that was just to give him a link to a news story about some kid with Downs Syndrome being elected Homecoming King in his school. Oh, yeah. Review WCW Nigger.   And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.   From SFA Jack:   • Gee, what's wrong government -- people follow your stupid orders and then you realize that you're doing more harm than good? While sorta on this subject, being the slow driver that I am I get tailgated every now and then. Now if I’m in the fast lane and I’m not going well above the speed limit, then I’ll happily move over. However, if I’m in the slow lane and I have an asshole driver behind me, it just encourages me to go slower. As another aside, there are these signs along this one stretch of interstate that frequently gets clogged up during rush hour. The first ugly yellow sign reads, “Look out for aggressive drivers,” while the one after that says, “Don’t tailgate.” Them’s fighting words.   • One of the bigger stories surrounding last week’s preseason games was Clinton Portis getting hurt tackling an opponent. Much of the talk around the sports talk-radio circuit was the importance of four NFL preseason games. Personally, I don’t really see the big deal about preseason games. Does it really matter if a star player ruptures an ACL during week four of the preseason or week one of the regular season? If teams really wanted to protect their best players, they shouldn’t play them at all during the preseason; let the backups and undrafted free agents play more and evaluate their potential in case a starter does get hurt later on that year.   • Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This 28-year old chick says the guy she was dating turned out to be a drug addict. She told him to stop, and he claimed to be clean for two months. They got married. Six months later this guy was caught doing drugs again. Dr. Laura then says to the caller, “Whatever you say next, don’t ask me ‘what can I do?’” The caller then starts bawling. Later on, when the subject of leaving this guy is brought up, the caller says she wants to do just that, but she is worried about the “humiliation” she will feel from all the people who were part of her wedding.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/13: Fast Food Movie, Caveperson Show

7 p.m.   • So I'm roaming the wires, and this got a chuckle out of me. Two articles are next to each other, each with the same lead. The first headline reads:     and the second reads:     That's all I got.   • I just heard on the television that not only is the "Caveman" show still on, but now the next show will introduce the first CaveWOMAN~! Find the people watching this shit and sterilize them. NOW.   7 p.m.   • Oh boy, western Pennsylvania.   The long-standing rivalry between Coke and Pepsi took a physical turn Friday when a Pepsi deliveryman allegedly punched his Coke counterpart in the face at a western Pennsylvania Wal-Mart, state police said.   Could this be in my neck of the woods?     Nuts. Indiana is to the east of me. Oh well, maybe next time.   10:15 a.m.   • I just got done watching part of the “Fast Food Nation” and boy was I not disappointed (when I feel motivated, I'm going to have to check out IMDB's message board section about this masterpiece). I read bits of the hippie book, and while thumbing through its pages I thought “Boy I sure wish they would make a movie out of this.” If you want a laugh, check it out. My only regret was that Esai Morales and Bruce Willis were in it. Esai I understand because I’m under no pretenses that the guy’s a commie. However, I like him anyway. I didn’t see Bruce’s character, so I at least hope he played some evil greedy right-wing corporate exec. Otherwise, when I saw his name in the credits I went, “Why Bruce why?” Like I said before, I didn’t see this genius in its entirety, but I saw enough. Slaughterhouses, corporate greed, oppressing the underclass and invaders undocumented American citizens, pseudo-hippies. “Well I can't think of anything right now more patriotic than violating the Patriot Act!” Fuck you Paco. My name translates into Paco in Spanish, too, and you’re no Paco. Well, actually Paco is a “nickname” of my formal wetback name, but whatever. I remember back in middle school there was some “rhyme” in Spanish that involved the word Paco, and I was the only one in my grade who could say the entire verse in less than 3.5 seconds. This of course didn’t take away from the fact I HATED that class and failed. Then again, I failed a bunch of classes back in my middle school days. I had the same teacher for my Francais class the year after, and I flunked that, too. Christ, was I a miserable little shit back then. Two years later when I was in high school I was studying Francais yet again just before a girl’s volleyball contest when my former aforementioned teacher, who was sitting in front of me, made some remark about my studying, and at that moment I just smiled and thought, “How the hell did she put up with me back then?”   Where was I going with this? Ohhhh, shiny object.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/13: Bad News For The Politically Correct

10:30 p.m.   • So I just got done watching the new “Bad News Bears.” Sure it was pretty much the same as the old version, but actually it wasn’t all that bad. I’m not a huge fan of the first film, so I’m not going to go “OMG they changed it to make it all PC and shit.” In fact, it seemed like this version was more offensive. There were some things I thought were better in the ‘70s version (like how the chick ends up “losing” the bet with that Kelly kid), but on the other hand there were some modern-day gags I liked (the cripple catching the ball at the end was cute). Oh, yeah. And how can you go wrong with dialogue like this?     And I have no idea who Marcia Gay Harden was until this film, but damn was she a MILF, even for a lawyer.   One thing that struck me though was it would actually be cool to coach a team like this, if only because you could get some non-PC company to sponsor the uniforms. I’ve mentioned before that there’s this bar/restaurant down the street from me whose owner puts up this kind of stuff on his marquee all the time. His most recent line is something about getting wetbacks out of the country (don’t worry, commies, he hates W., too). I’d love to have him as my team’s sponsor. I’d let him put stuff on the back of the jerseys like…             Want to see more. Peep this.   7 p.m.   • He came. He saw. He stole elections. He shifted hurricanes to black neighborhoods. He sloppily constructed levees in said black neighborhoods. He made Halliburton billions of dollars.   I <{ Karl Rove.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/13: Assaulting Athletes, Commuters, Candidates

• There are plenty of red-diaper doper babies in the Big Apple, but thankfully there are one or two of them with a smitten of common sense. Instead of whining about a rouge government, the New York Civil Liberties Union ought to be pissed off at terrorists that make bag searches a good idea to most Americans.   • While I’m on the subject of terrorists, what’s the big deal here? Maybe these fine Middle Eastern men have big families, thus needing 1,000 cell phones. After all, what is little Abdul to do when Jihad Camp lets out early? You actually expect him to wait out by the street with all the unholy swine? Why, that’s one of the worst things you can do to… come on, you know the rest.   • It’s bad enough NFL players have to worry about on-the-field injuries during training camp, practices and preseason games. Now they have to fret about renegade mascots driving golf carts?   • Woah. Heath Shuler is running for office. Too bad he’s a Democrat. Oh, and those six words “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi” do strike enough fear into me that I would probably vote for a Republican I don’t care for over a conservative Democrat in a Congressional race. Good thing I’m satisfied with my GOP Rep. Tim Murphy.   • Last night I got a recorded phone call from Samuel L. Jackson telling me to go see “Snakes on a Plane.” Alrighty then.   • Is there nobody out there that the Bush Administration doesn’t disenfranchise? I’d be curious to know how much of a percentage of votes Nevada gets with its “none of the above” option.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/12: Lottery People, A Different Breed (Part I)

In previous entries I’ve mentioned my opinion of state-run lotteries. I consider playing Powerball equivalent to flushing your money down the toilet, but if you have an office pool going when a jackpot reaches $100+ million, then chip in your $5 because if you don’t you know your co-workers will have a winning ticket, thus making you the only person in the office for the next workday. Back when I used to work at the Quickie-Mart during my college days, I got to interact with these gambling junkies on a frequent basis, and let me just say that these are some of the scariest, not to mention most pathetic, mo-fo’s out there. They were so scary that I dubbed them “Lottery People.”   There are two types of Lottery People. You have the ones who play Powerball, Daily Numbers, etc., and then you have those that indulge in those instant scratch-off games. Today’s entry will deal with the former; I’ll get to the latter another time. A considerable amount of Lottery People are these little old ladies who have been playing certain numbers for their entire lives, but there are also younger, equally dumb, contestants. However, the most aggravating are the blue-haired seniors.   During my Quickie-Mart days we had two cashiers, and in-between our registers was the dreaded lottery machine. When a customer had numbers to play, the person whose register she approached had to go to the lottery machine and enter the numbers, all the while your customer line grew and grew. I think the biggest annoyance was that our regular customers who played the lottery always had with them a piece of paper which had their list of numbers written on it. Now of course instead of handing the sheet over to us so we could enter in the numbers, they would proceed to READ THEM OFF ONE AT A TIME. Even when we asked for their precious chicken-scratch many of them would refuse to do so. One time I had this regular customer who was an old hag that always refused to let me read off her list. A day or so later when she came back to play her numbers she claimed I previously messed up her numbers, and the number I erred on hit for the first time in her life. Did I screw up her numbers? I don’t know, but seeing as how Rule #2 of the Lottery People Handbook is to double-check your numbers after you received your tickets, I don't really care if I did or not. Then again, there are many rules in the Lottery People Handbook that aren’t followed, such as:   #4: If you place a certain set of numbers, MARK THEM DOWN on one of those insta-sheets you can just give to a cashier so he or she can run them through the lottery machine error-free.   #8: If you have more than several numbers and are in a hurry, don’t buy your tickets during the MORNING or AFTERNOON RUSH HOUR, when the Quickie-Mart is at its busiest.   #15: When checking your numbers, don’t do it at the register, and don’t be surprised if customer who has been waiting behind you for 10 minutes pushes you out of the way so he can pay for his gas and pack of beef jerky. Go to a low-traffic area, double-check your numbers, and return back to the register if there’s a ticket that’s incorrect.   #16: If the lottery machine ticket paper needs re-filled, getting pissy and impatient will not help matters, considering those machines are a bitch to re-fill. If you get pushy or annoying, the customer service representative may deliberately take his time re-filling the machine just to piss you off even more.   #23: Should you enter a store and find a long-ass line at the lottery machine, don’t act all surprised. There are many idiots in this world, and sometimes you'll have to wait if you wish to part with your money in a senseless fashion.   #42: In the rare case you actually get a winning ticket for a nominal amount of cash, please let the cashier know this and what the amount is before this customer service representative goes to pay you out. Believe it or not, a Quickie-Mart employee is not supposed to have $300 readily available in large denominations somewhere within his or her cash register.   Back to that person earlier in this entry who claimed I screwed up her winning number. Being the remorseful soul that I am, I told her that from now on I would no longer enter her numbers for her and told her to have our other customer service representative perform this service. And just who was my other co-worker? This old broad who didn’t know, nor ever bother to learn, how to operate the lottery machine; when she had to get her picks entered (of course she played the lottery – she was old), another co-worker had to punch in the numbers for her. The look of terror my elderly customer had on her face told me that I knew she would never bitch about her incorrect lottery numbers ever again. Even though during my times as a cashier I experienced many infractions from the Lottery People Handbook, I have never witnessed anyone breaking the #1 rule of this guide: Never have someone old enough to receive senior discounts ring up your numbers.   With all of these wacky incidents, one would think that the instant scratch-off breed of Lottery People would be better behaved. Hey, it’s not like you have to do any kind of data entry service for them. Well you would be wrong. In fact, some of my more egregious encounters with Lottery People were via the instant win method.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/12: Colorful Bible Talk

10:15 p.m.   • Yeah, I know there's more to this story, but the lead paragraph just sounds funny to me.     9:15 p.m.   • So on the way home from work today we were driving through the black people part of the trip and went past some guy with a colorful jacket that featured patches of each NBA team sewed on. I didn’t notice it because I was too busy looking at traffic and shit, but Mrs. kkk did. The following conversation ensued. You can figure out who is who.   Hey look, it’s Jamal and the multi-colored robe.   Huh?   You know, Joseph and the multi-colored robe? From the Bible?   What?   You don’t know the story of Joseph and the multi-colored robe? The one where he gets sold into slavery by his brothers and they tear up his robe to show to their father?   The fuck?   *Goes on to tell the story up to the point where the robe is returned to dad*   Jesus Christ that’s depressing. Did Joseph at least get his revenge?   I don’t remember, but I think the story is about forgiveness.   Fuck that shit. I’d be pissed.   Well, his bones got returned back home with Moses.   I thought Moses didn’t make it back because God fucked him over about something.   That’s correct … sort of.   What exactly did Moses do?   He was trying to get water from hitting a rock. God said to do it one time and he did it twice.   That’s it?!   Yes. God said that showed a lack of faith on Moses’ behalf.   So he roams around in the desert for 40 fucking years, and God doesn’t believe he’s of faith? No wonder God’s a Jew.   What?   When it came time to pay the bill for Moses, God Jewed him, "Thanks for all your years of service, Moses, but you violated Page 490, Section XL, Article 4a, line 20 of our agreement. No promised land for you." If God tried to Jew me like that, I’d send all his people away to Detroit.   Why am I talking about the Bible with you?   Because you commented on Jamal’s mulit-colored coat.   THE END   That coat was pimp, too, what with the old Hawks logo. Jamal's, not Joseph's.   8:30 p.m.   • So earlier today I became one of “those customers.” I was going out for a few things, and I decided to get one of these new burrito things that Taco Bells was pimping. You know, the one with the “I’ll stop the world and melt with you” ads. Hey, it’s got meat, cheese and sour cream – can’t be all that bad. Problem is, when I approached the drive-thru I couldn’t remember what this product was called. No problem. There will probably be a sign or ad pimping this new item. No such luck – some hippie crap about putting chili on nachos. Now the drive-thru speaker lady is talking. Fuck. Scan that menu. It has to be on there. Nothing. Oh Christ, I have to say it.   “Can I get that burrito that’s been advertised a lot lately?”   “You mean the Cheesy Beefy Melt? Do you want that in a combo?”   Grilled stuffed burrito. Sonofabitch. Oh well, it was worth the humiliation. Well, I wasn't as bad as the old lady at the Burger King drive-thru years ago asking my co-worker if we had fish sticks or macaroni, among the dozen-plus other items we didn't have because she hadn't left her house since the Truman administration (it was a Lenten Friday -- God did those shifts suck).   • Swift Terror brought up Land of the Dead, and it finally forced me to think back to when I saw it a few months back. I liked it. I’m not what you consider a zombie movie fan. I have nothing against them, but I’m nowhere near a fanatic like some others are with this genre. Then again, if that’s what they like to see, then more power to them. Anyway, the whole “Dead” film series is mostly “eh” to me. “Night” was there, and it’s probably my favorite of the three. I never really cared for “Dawn,” and “Day” was OK. I remember as a kid a classmate always saying, “Fucking ‘a, biggest piece of meat in the cave,” and never knew where he got it from. So with this in mind, I always had “Land” pegged as one of those movies that I was in no hurry to see but wanted to get around to doing so before dying. Well now I can rest in peace, I guess. Wasn’t too bad. Yeah, it was a bit cheesy with the whole zombies-of-the-world-unite thing going, and I’m sure there’s some social commentary with the whole “Uniontown” thing that I missed because I’m an evil right-winger. However, there is an actual Uniontown about an hour or so from Shittsburgh, or whatever the city was called in the movie, so I’ll give this a pass.   • So the better half has been sporadically watching that Bret Michaels Flavor-of-Love rip-off every now and then, and this evening she had the FINAL DECISION EPISODE on. Long story short: this guy had to choose from the stripper and the psycho. Longer story shorter: Bret couldn’t decide between these two up until the very end, so he asked each if they wouldn’t mind sharing him with the other. The stripper said sure, the psycho said no. The psycho won. Jesus Christ how stupid can some people be? And if you’re looking for “true love,” wouldn’t you know before asking two chicks if they wouldn’t mind being part of a threesome? I just pray everyone on that show doesn’t vote.   • Al Gore got a Nobel Prize. Yay, and stuff.     What a prestigious award. Too bad Arafat’s dead – they could have been BFF.   • Uh oh, don’t you know that …well, whatever the hell is going on here…     …is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/12: 4 p.m.

• Nothing worth griping about today. Spending the day at work on the monthly publication. Like I’ve said before, I LOVE coming in on the weekend as opposed to trying to get this shit done during the workweek. I’m by myself, got AC/DC playing in the background, without the hassle of the idiot boss or phone calls, and I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt. No, I want the above-mentioned hassles along with that “DEADLINE” looming on the horizon. And to make matters better, I don’t have to come in on a workday sometime in this pay period (Right now I’m scoping August 24 or possibly the 27th.)   • Boy what a pussy.     Yeah, like what’s the big deal. It’s only an ANKLE. In the sport of SOCCER. He ought to man up and play through the pain. Grant Hill did and look how great his NBA career was afterward.   • Assuming this is true...     ...it only makes me LOL even harder knowing that Richards' character in that one Bond film was a nuclear scientist, or something like that. It’s been years since I’ve watched “The World is Not Enough" so my memory is a bit hazy.     I was close enough. Look, I get that you have to suspend belief when watching television programs or movies, but this is a bit too much.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/11: Jap Remake Treads Lightly For me

1 p.m.   • So the better half and I were watching “Dark Water” last night when I saw a robin fly into our back window. OK, I’ve talked before about birds running into our one window/screen thing out on the back porch, but this was a window on the side of the house. There’s NO excuse for any animal to get a running start and go “splat” against the side of this house. That is, of course, the bird owed money. This meant I had to get the shovel and bury the thing in the back yard near the shed. I think the bird body count is now around five. I can’t wait until I bury a future dead bird and dig up one of these carcasses by mistake. At least if the dead ever decide to rise up I’ll have one heck of an aviary.   Anyway, about “Dark Water.” (SPOLERZ AHEAD~!) Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. Read up on the movie here because I’m too lazy to tell you about the plot. The first hour just dealt with the Jennifer Connelly character (Dahlia Williams) and her kid moving into some shit hole of an apartment. Yawn. The ending could have been great. Basically, Dahlia sacrificed herself to be the ghost-kid’s mom in order to save her own child. Not bad. However, it was established that the Dahlia suffered from delusions, and the final bit with her kid pretty much established that the ghost kid was real. I would have liked it to be less clear – was there really a ghost kid or did Dahlia make up the whole thing? You could say that Dahlia’s kid also suffered from delusions, too, and that the final scene was from the imagination of Dahlia’s kid, but I don’t see it that way. For the record, I heard this was the American version of a Jap film; I didn’t see the latter version. Oh well, let’s see what others thought:       What has this got to do with “Dark Water”? I have no idea.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/11: #63, Bye Ramsey Radio/Hello Streaming Audio

KKK’s Top 103 Posters   Number 63: Mr. S£im Citrus   Not only has Mr. S£im served our country with honor (something 99 percent of us here can’t attest to), but many times he is a voice of reason in threads dealing with life, like when he was called a fuddy duddy for saying it’s wrong to bang a soldier’s wife. It seems Mr. S£im is into the threads which are at the bottom of this board – that SWF virtual wrestling stuff. I’ve only explored that area of TSM a few times, and I’ve always ended up running away scared. However, what would be worse – becoming SWF International Champion for 50 days, or ending up on this hippie list for all of eternity? No way I’m goofing on him regarding this, what with me having seen a picture of him and all (the pic may not be viewable now, but trust me, he's a big dude). I’m sure he could use his military connections to find out where I live, drive over there, and snap me like a twig. I’m also going to refrain from making any racist jokes in this entry until after the panel has spoken. I actually see a lot of myself in Mr. S£im. Well except for that whole "serving your country" thing. Plus I'm white. Oh, and there's that whole kid issue. But I have three cats, which has to count for something.   And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.   From EricMM:     From Bob Barron:     From Cancer Marney:     • I heard on Around the Horn today that L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling is being sued for (allegedly) not wanting blacks or Hispanics into some housing complex that he owns. Instead, Sterling has been appealing to the Asian community to take up residence; he even changed the name of his one complex to make it sound more enticing to Koreans, according to ATH panelist JA Adande. All I have to say is can you blame this guy? Not only is his rent now getting turned in on time, but also I’m sure there is a sharp decline in the amount of stray animals roaming around his properties.   • Damn you Salem Radio Network. Today is the last day that Dave Ramsey will be on 730-AM WPIT. Because Ramsey and Salem Radio couldn’t come to an agreement regarding contract issues, Dave’s show will be taken off this set of radio stations, of which WPIT is a member. I’ve been listening to Ramsey’s show for a few months, and I was really digging the program. Now this radio station is “Help-oriented” with a lot of Jesus talk in the morning hours (which I stay away from of course), so I doubt they will replace Ramsey with Neal Boortz’s show, so it looks like I’ll have to re-arrange my afternoon play list of RIGHT-WING RADIO. Then again, I can always download his show off his Web site, but that would take too much work. Actually I think I'll probably end up doing this considering the RIGHT-WING RADIO market is pretty bad for certain parts of the day, especially when it's vacation time for the regular hosts.   • I heard on the radio today that the Shittsburgh International Airport has these stickers posted on nearby public pay phones that say all conversations on these devices are being monitored by U.S. Government courtesy of the Patriot Act. I seriously don’t know if this is a joke or not, but my local media is treating it as a legit news story. Oh, and while I’m on this subject, for those disgruntled terrorists upset about this recent unsuccessful attempt to blow up a bunch of airplanes, take heart; I’m sure the N.Y. Times will produce a cover story showing you how to avoid getting caught with liquid explosives for your next attempt to cause havoc with us infidels.   • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Some lady lived in sin with this guy for a few years and doesn’t get along with her step-daughter. Her husband is suffering from liver failure and doesn’t have much more time to live. This lady’s step-daughter is having her wedding in a week or so and didn’t invite the step-mom. Because of this the step-mom doesn’t want her husband to attend his daughter’s wedding. Today’s runner up call was from a 17-year old guy who was “dared” by a friend to check out an X-rated Web site. He did, is now “addicted” to viewing on-line porn and doesn’t know what to do.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/10: Talking Dirty In Pubic

9 a.m.   • So here was my week in review:   Tuesday: Mrs. kkk and I were getting ready to put the groceries into the car when she starts talking about her one niece getting a period. She then begins to say how depressing it is that her nieces and nephews are getting older and all that other shit. I then made, in my attempt to get her more fired up over the subject, some remark about the niece is now able to get knocked up. Her reply was that she doesn’t even want to think about these kids starting to experience busted hymens and premature ejaculations. I then say, "what makes you think they aren’t already having sex?" Her reply: “They’re just starting puberty; they probably don’t even have pubic hair.”   **************   THIS JUST IN: As I’m typing this, why the hell were we talking about this subject in the first place?! Now back to regularly scheduled programming.   **************   Then came my chance to utter a line in public I’ve been waiting to do for some time. “If there’s no grass on the field just play in the mud.” Then I looked up from putting a gallon of milk in the trunk to see this lady who just got out of the jeep next to us give me a look of shock and digust. And they say timing is everything. Whatever, the better half never heard this line before and I had a fun time trying to get her to figure it out on the ride home.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/10: Don't Discover This Particular Show

7 p.m.   • A teacher lost his job over this? If "he" was a "she" and "she" was "hot" and "she" had sex with her students, then this teacher would still be gainfully employed at best, collecting a paycheck while sitting at home at worst.     You know, isn't this this same place which had that reality show where Dick Butkus quit coaching the high school football team before the season ended?     Nope. You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.   6:30 p.m.   • Be warned. If you venture to the Discovery Channel, steer clear of this shit.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/10: Arrested Developments

• That Karl Rove is a genius. Let’s face it Republicans, according to the polls, we aren’t doing so well, and the mid-term elections are only a few months away. So what does our Lord and Savior Jesus Rove do?   1) He gets a “moderate” Democrat by the name of Joe Lieberman to lose in his primary to this liberal who had the founder of the Daily Kos blog in his political commercials. Then he gets Lieberman to run as an Independent, and it’s quite possible that Joe can win in his state's general election.   2) Rove then gets a bunch of would-be terrorists (allegedly, of course) busted who wanted to blow up several airplanes that would be going from Britain to America. I’m sure Rove knows every time a terrorist boards a plane and uses focus groups to determine if it’s more beneficial for his boss if the plane turns into fiery wreckage or if Mohammad and friends get caught beforehand.   So not only does the Bush administration get to strike fear of an impending terrorist attack into the American public, but also Rove gets to expose the Democrat Party (even more than usual) as a bunch of pre-9/11 namby pambys with their heads buried in the sand regarding Muslims who want to chop our heads off. As an added bonus, if Lieberman wins as an Independent this means that the Democrats will have one less body in the Senate. In other words, if the GOP drops to 49 seats after this next election we will still retain a Senate majority. With “Independent” Jim Jeffords and Lieberman taking up two slots, the Democrats could also only get a maximum of 49 seats, which gives any tie-breaking votes to Dick Cheney.   Every time I think the Republicans are in trouble, Karl Rove always comes through in the clutch. Did you ever know that you’re my hero?   • Speaking of arrests, the other day Maurice Clarett got pulled over by the PO-lice, who found four loaded guns, a machete and a half empty bottle of vodka in his vehicle. When the cops tried to taser him for being unruly, they discovered that Clarett was also wearing a bullet-proof vest. Wow. I know it’s hard for a black man to drive in this RACIST society of ours, but it can’t be that dangerous as to equip yourself like you’re going to war, can it? I was watching Jim Rome’s ESPN show yesterday, and it was funny to see all the sub-hosts wondering who’s to blame for Clarett’s fall? Uh, did Ohio State put those guns in his vehicle? Did the NFL strap on that bullet-proof vest? Why I bet that Buckeye football coach drank half of that vodka. Oh and fuck all those people who say "this is a sad story." That piece of shit brought all of this upon himself; I find the whole thing funny as hell.   • While I’m on the subject of running backs that may never carry another pigskin in the NFL, things don’t look good for Jets halfback Curtis Martin. If his knees are indeed shot to hell, I hope he’s saved his money over the years and can retire in peace. He wasn’t all that flashy, but he certainly got the job done. I always thought it was weird that Martin was able to play under the radar despite being in the media capital of the world for all those years.   • Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick says that her and her boyfriend are trying to go about their relationship like any good Christian couple would. However, there is one problem. Before meeting “Mr. Right” this chick had another boyfriend, and one night they had sex. As a result, the guy gave her snatch herpes. She called because she didn't know if or when the right time would be to tell her current boyfriend of her medical condition.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/1: #67, A Cold Day In Hell For Cuba?

KKK’s Top 103 Posters   Number 67: Slapnuts   OK, let’s get this out of the way.     There. Now I don't have to repeat these infamous words again for the rest of this entry. In Slappy's defense, I think he took the ribbings he received for his "freezing" remarks in good stride, or as good as one can get after something like this. Aside from the above-mentioned quote, Slapnuts has been known for other things, such as defending Israel from the mainstreamliberalpress and TSM Jew-bashers (boy that sounds odd coming from me) with those long-ass "Myth" posts that I never took the time to read due to all the words those things contained. He was also a member of the Conservative Brigade, and according to our last AIM conversation he is/was studying to become a lawyer, which is funny considering he said he didn’t care much for the people in this particular line of work. All in all, the Baltimore Orioles-loving Slapnuts isn’t too bad a guy, even though he will forever be remembered for a certain 77 words.   And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.   From the Real World’s Champion:   From EricMM:   From Cancer Marney:   From Bob Barron:   • Upon reading Black Lushus’ comment in yesterday’s entry, I got the thinking about Mel’s recent “Jew” remarks. I don’t have any of his Mad Max movies etched in my memory bank, but I wonder if there were any Jewish characters in those films? If there weren’t, then perhaps a post-apoplectic world won’t be such a bad place after all. Then again, black people will still be around, so a futuristic wasteland filled with devastation and nomadic tribes on wheels won’t be a complete return to Eden. Baby steps, though, baby steps.   • Just die already you piece of shit and get your one-way ticket to hell punched. I had to laugh when I learned that Fidel's younger brother, who is now in charge (for the moment) of that commie island by Florida, is the vibrant age of 75. And people goofed on the Catholic Church for appointing a guy not much younger than Pope John Paul II to be the next Pontiff? Oh, and I heard on the radio from a White House spokesperson that if Fidel should kick the bucket, the United States is ready to show the fine commies and wanna-be exiles of Cuba a better way to govern themselves via the democratic system. Really? When will they start showing us this system? OMG SELECTED NOT ELECTED LOL2000! Sorry for that, but sometimes you just got to let one of them out every now and then. And for the record I'm talking about "OMG..." lines, not Jews in concentration camps. If lovecraft doesn't deem that to be offensive, then I don't know what else to do.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

8/1: #15, Dogfighting > Rape

kkk's Top 103 Posters     Number 15: Slayer   This poster really kills me. Get it? Kills me. Slayer. And who says I’ve given up on this countdown? Anyway, I’d have to say that Slayer is probably one of the truest libertarians at this place. He’s got enough common sense to stay away from liberal craziness, but at the same time he shakes his head whenever his red state of Kansas acts like … well, a red state. Actually, Slayer frequents this place much in the same way I do – get in a thread, say your one-liner, queer up the place and get out. He, naturally, does this much better than I do, which is why I guess he always goes way deeper than me in those poster tournaments. Then again, maybe he just steals vote counts like the Bush War Machine did in 2000 and 2004. Oh INXS, how I’ve missed your lunacy.   7 p.m.   • So Shittsburgh has a little mini-crisis of its own due to the Michael Vick case. No, Willie Parker doesn't have any cockfighting rings in his house, unlike Kordell Stewart ... ba-da-bing! Anyway, I could tell you the story, but why bother when I can get someone else to do it for me.     It's a really sad day when a person gets invited onto an OPINION show, tells the actual truth of the situation and gets hounded by two media outlets, one of which is him employer. Is it any surprise that the Post-Gazette is a steaming pile of liberal PC shit? Paul Zeise can post a comment on KK' Korner any time he wants. I mean, it's not like he's nl-asshole or anything.   • You know, every time I watch Star Wars, I get more questions than answers. For example, how does Lando run a mining business when he's up there in the clouds? I think the fact I don't know this makes me glad because it shows what level of Star Wars geekdom I'm at.   • Normally I'd say something like "OMG ur tAx dollarz @ wurk!" over something like this.     But then I got to the next paragraph.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

7/9: In Bonds We Trust To Do What He Wants

8 p.m.   • LOL Mikey Moore.     That joke writes itself. And he wants media outlets to tell the truth? While we’re on this subject, how exactly is universal health care “free”?   Wait a second, Mikey just said at the end that he doesn’t do taped interviews that can be edited. Oh that’s funny.   • So today I heard on several ESPN shows that one of the big stories of this All-Star Weekend, err, day or two, is Barry Bonds not participating in tonight’s home-run contest. “OMG he owes it to the people in San Francisco fans for their years of blind loyalty,” “OMG he is finally getting into the good graces of the world and he’s ruining it,” “OMG he’s turned his back on the fans yet again.”   Look, I can’t stand Bonds, but he can do whatever the hell he wants – and many times he does just that. Besides, I thought Major League Baseball wanted to distance itself from the roid age? Wouldn’t have The Forehead taking his cuts at Pac Bell Whatever it’s Called Ball Park do just that. Listening to the national sports media tell Bonds what he should do to enhance his image is like having a N.Y. Times columnist give advice to the GOP on what Republicans should do in order to win the next election.   • While on the subject of baseball, for those that like this sort of thing:     • OMG FAUX NEWS LOL20… uh, ah screw it. I’m too lazy right now to think up a nickname for the BBC.     • Damn you global warming.     Of course, this is now why we’re referring to this as “climate change.” That way, they don’t have to worry about the earth getting hot or cold.   • N*gga plz.     If they really wanted to make an impact, they would have hung this mean word from a tree or put it on a burning, wodden, lower-case "t" indicating that it's time for this word to leave.

kkktookmybabyaway

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