• Poor Kobe Bryant. First he didn’t like sharing the ball with a future hall of famer, and now he wants a better supporting cast.
I used to be a Kobe fan (well maybe not a fan, but I had no problem with him) back when he played alongside Shaq, but when this duo split up the line was drawn in the sand: you were either with O’Neal or Bryant. I chose the former. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s because Shaqueille has made several thuggish ruggish rap albums. Yeah, that’s got to be it. In honor of this, I got Shaq Diesel playing now.
I’ll treat you like Spielberg/you get Jur-ass kicked in the park.
Yes, it’s going to be one of these entries.
I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be able to work with a teammate that could win championship ring after championship ring. Then again, I’m not a pro athlete so what do I know about the pressures of making millions of dollars for playing basketball? If I had to share a locker shower room with O’Neal, I’d probably be pissed off, too. And for the record, I don't think Kobe raped that Colorado chick. But it serves him right for fucking around with those white girls.
My Ford Explorer boomin' with the clumped-up funk,
all you jealous punks can't stop my dunks,
they're brand new like Heavy,
built like Chevy, Impala,
but Shaq's a smooth balla,
(yeah, but what about rhymin?)
I can hold my own,
knick-knack shaq-attack, give a dog a bone.
Not even...
About to get busy like Gomer Pyle
...can compete with that one.
• Hey, W. might use the ol’ veto pen again.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. Fuck hate crimes. If some black guy calls me a no-good cracker while jacking me for my scrillia scratch, I want him to get the same punishment as he wouldn’t have said anything. Of course, I’d want the person to be hung from a tree. Wait a second, that might appear RACIST. How about hanging from a telephone pole? Yeah, that’ll work.
• Woah woah woah.
Five years. $40 million. Don Imus would have made EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR?!
• Why in the bloody hell is this even a story?
OK, the last part here is worth the newsprint/bandwidth.
Well today I turn the big 3-0. I normally don’t care about birthdays, but this one has affected me somewhat – it has for a few months now. When 2006 came around, I realized that I would be turning over a new digit on the left side of the age figure. This thought scared me, and not because I was closer to collecting a Social Security check that probably won’t be there for me anyway when I become eligible for it. I also wasn’t in crisis mode, wondering what happened to my life; I’m actually content in that aspect of my life for the most part. One thing that has been bugging me though is the fact I don’t have anything saved in the bank. When I graduated college I was 22 years old and started an unsuccessful attempt to get full-time employment in Sappy Valley. When I was 24 I was in Ohio doing the same thing all over again like I was in central Pennsylvania. I eventually found work, but it wasn’t full-time. Also, whenever I was able to save some money I had to bail the better half out of some financial trouble she got herself in while attending grad school. When we moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003 I was 27 years of age, and after several months of looking for a job that had something to do with my college education, I began saving money for the first time in my life.
Then came the new house, which I had to pay out several thousand dollars in closing costs and other fees. Then came the new computer that had to be purchased because the old one died. Then came the vet bills for our one cat that got sick. Then came the wedding, of which I had to subsidize several thousand dollars to the better half because she didn’t realize how expensive the reception hall would be. She also didn’t realize that all the things I had mentioned above (including a few others not listed) I solely paid for because she didn’t have the money to pay off half of each of these costs and had put her half of these expenses on a “tab” she will never pay me back for.
My 20s came and went, and I realized that this past January. What hit me was I had always heard while growing up that if you put away a small amount of money each year while in your 20s you’d end up with $10,000,000 (or some other similar figure) by the time you turned 65. Well I can say goodbye to that. I spent the last 10 years moving from place to place, not being able to save a dime, and now a decade has passed with nothing to show for it but a few gray hairs and some accumulated wisdom. My debt load isn’t too bad – I owe $6,800 on a school loan I thought I would have already paid off when I graduated college back in ’98. When 2006 got under way, I wrote down a list of things I wanted to accomplish, and topping this list was paying off my debt and starting to save for the long term. If everything goes as planned, I’ll have the debt paid off sometime this summer, and then I’ll focus on saving.
But financial matters aren’t the only things concerning me. I tend to ache more when doing activities that wouldn’t have bothered me 5-10 years ago. When I see kids playing basketball, I think to myself, “Why would I waste energy shooting hoops when I’ve got a lawn to mow?” I’m listening to music that was around during my childhood-early 20s because newer material just doesn’t appeal to me. I would rather look at an attractive 40-year old than a 20-year old. I’m listening to rhetoric by political parties and able to remember years back when they had the opposite stance that same issue. I don’t mean to do these things; they are just coming natural to me. However, I must say that I’m fighting this getting old thing, or at least I’m picking the battles I know I can win. For example, I haven’t started bitching (much) about the cost of things now as opposed to 10-15 years ago (not even the cost of gasoline – taxes are another matter, however). I don’t say times today are worse off now than they ever have been (at least not until Democrats are in charge). And I don’t wear my pants up to my belly button (yet).
Rather than feeling the effects of aging another decade, I think this was a wake-up call letting me know that I’m an adult, and as an adult I better get my ass in gear with some areas of my life that I haven’t focused on as much as I should have over the years.
Then again, maybe turning 30 is the best thing to have happened to me since I turning, well, 20.
5:45 p.m.
• So the better half asked me the question of all questions today. “How many Halloween movies did they make?” Hoo-boy. Here’s how that conversation went. You can figure out who said what. I also don’t care if I got any facts wrong.
“Well, there was the first Halloween and Halloween 2, which takes place right after the events of Halloween 1. Then there’s Halloween 3”
“*Says something about Michael Myers.*”
“No. Halloween 3 has nothing to do with Michael Myers. It deals with this place that makes these masks which turn people into killers or something.”
“That’s retarded.”
“Michael Myers comes back in Halloween 4.”
“Why is he after that little girl.”
“That’s Jamie Lee Curtis character’s kid.”
“What happened to Jamie Lee Curtis.”
“I don’t know. Probably died or something.”
“OK.”
“Then there’s Halloween 5 when Michael is still after the girl.”
“Does he get her?”
“No. He gets caught and some dude with a machine gun breaks him out of jail at the end.”
”What?
“Yeah, then there’s Halloween 6, where we learn Michael is part of some cult, or is the God of some cult, or something or other. I think he finally kills that girl, but I'm pretty sure that the girl squirted out a kid. I have no clue as to the ending.”
“Then why is Jamie Lee Curtis in that H2O one?”
“Oh, well you have to pretend Halloweens 3-6 never happened and H2O takes place some time after Halloween 2. Then after that there’s the one with Busta Rhymes and Jamie Lee Curtis getting killed.”
“Is that all of them?”
“Well, sorta. They just came out with another Halloween movie directed by Rob Zombie. I’m not sure if it’s a remake or what, but if you want to include that one we’re up to nine.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well you asked.”
And the sad thing is I really like Halloween’s theme music. Actually, when I saw Halloween 6 for the first time I was with a girl friend at Slippery Rock University in a trailer she rented for the semester. I said “girl friend” not “girlfriend.” Anyway, it was the middle of the night and as she started up the movie her Pittsburgh Penguins framed poster fell in her bedroom and made a loud “CRASH,” causing both of us to jump. After she cleaned up that mess there was this thumping sound from outside, probably from a tree branch. As she went to open the door to see what it was I yelled out “DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR!” Boy did that freak her out. Boy did she get pissed. Boy did I laugh out loud. Sad thing was, after seeing Halloween 6: The Bowel Movement of Michael Myers, that crashing poster was scarier.
6 p.m.
• Well the drive home wasn’t bad at all. The roads weren’t bad, traffic was light. I was almost getting a woody until I came to this one crappy “s curve” stretch of road where there was suddenly a backup due to an accident. As I drove by I noticed two pickup trucks had collided. My guess: Someone was driving faster than they should have. This brings me to my philosophy of driving in crappy weather. Respect the elements, but don’t fear them. If you are afraid to drive when Mother Nature is dropping flakes of frozen precipitation, then DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. However, just because you are driving some “all terrain” vehicle, that doesn’t mean you should be acting like it’s 80 degrees and sunny. In fact, while driving home today some “yo man” (a term I use to describe someone from the “wigger” classification) in a SUV was in the midst of swerving into the left-hand lane because I was only going the speed limit and almost sideswiped a fellow motorist. After that guy laid on the horn the “yo man” went back into my lane and kept his distance. Idiot.
Well the better half is already dropping hints that she doesn’t want me going into work tomorrow. Whenever there is a forecast involving shitty weather, she always reminds me 10-12 times per hour. This is because I have the “final say” as to whether or not we are to go into work for that particular day. Is this another example of male oppression? No. She just doesn’t like making decisions herself. It’s funny because on snowy days while I’m the shower she’ll have the morning news on, ready to give me a full report on what schools/functions have been cancelled, all while not directly telling me that she just wants to go back to bed and sleep until noon. And whenever I agree with staying in she will say for the rest of the day, “Well you’re the one who wanted to stay home.” I can’t wait to see what she does if I decide to go into work should this expected freezing rain doesn’t arrive.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
• Um, even though this really doesn’t need any comments, kkk-ommentary will be in boldface. You’ll probably guess where this started before being told in the third paragraph.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
12:15 p.m.
• Well, now the snow is coming down full-tilt. If tonight's freezing rain predictions are correct, I doubt I'll be heading in to work tomorrow. No way I'm risking wrecking the car for just one workday's commute. Yeah, I'll do that, then fuck up my transportation situation for days, weeks even, while the car gets towed off to an auto shop. One of my life's mottos is "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Remember that, young ones. Except for The Thread Killer, who's older than me and probably already knows this as well.
8:30 a.m.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, or at least a sarcastic remark or two.
7:30 p.m.
• Well, that hippie library is still going to be around…
But fuck you Fast Eddie.
You think we’re that fucking dumb? This state may vote Democrat more times than not, but my fellow Keystone Staters aren’t retarded … or at least as much as other blue states. Tax shift? Yeah, right. More like “added tax.” You’ve been talking about slot-machine revenue gambling longer than W. has had troops in Iraq. This slots-for-property-tax idea has been an abortion since the start, and if you’re going to want to screw us over, then you’re going to have to force the sodomy. What, you expect me to fuck my own browneye?
Oh, but the real reason we didn’t vote for it was because we’re too stupid.
Although the line "The questions were not asked in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Scranton, where wage taxes are already comparatively high," made me LOL. (Scranton?) This part of the article cracked me up the most.
So even senior citizens voted against this? And in Pennsylvania, the old people control EVERYTHING, what with their en masse journey to the polls. And even though they keep dying off, there are plenty of near-blue hairs in this commonwealth to keep the Access vans busy to and from the local fire halls on Election Day.
• Back to local elections. God I love my town.
The sad thing is, when it comes to these local races, those stupid signs probably do make a difference in an election or two.
• Oh, yeah. Jerry Falwell died. I waited a few days to see what my other bloggers had to say. Wasn’t surprised. The commie goes "good riddence," and the right-winger says the extreme Left will go “see you in hell, Jerry” and all the usual stuff from the ideology of diversity and tolerance. I waited to post this because anything I say will be, as usual, so brilliant that nothing else will need to be said I’m lazy. I’m undecided as to which take I should use. Do I go with…
A) Falwell died? Wow, he must have taken Rudy Giuliani’s early presidential campaigning success hard.
or
B) Falwell died? Well, for his sake I hope all Jesus did with his disciples was preach the word of God and didn’t play a game of pitch or catch when the sun went down.
I'm hardcore. I'll take 'em both.
11 p.m.
• So I was flipping through the On Demand options and found the first four “Sons of Anarchy” episodes on FX. I don’t watch many television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I don’t watch any. I’m a South Park fan, but the last few seasons have been hit-or-miss, and I just buy the DVDs. I used to watch “The Shield” but stopped after season 4 because I wasn’t watching it on a consistent basis. One day when the DVDs go on sale I’ll buy them up and finish watching them all. Another reason I don’t watch first-run television shows is that I don’t want to wait week after week, month after month, summer after summer for the latest episode, a quarter of the time which is spent airing commercials.
New show, several episodes commercial-free (or at least almost-commercial-free with a fast-forward button available): what can I lose, besides a few hours of my time?
I watched. It’s OK. Not great, but after a while I’ll go back to the On Demand section and see if any new episodes have been added. For those that don’t know what “Sons of Anarchy” is about, well, look it up yourself you lazy bastards. Here are my thoughts:
1) God damn is Peg Bundy attractive. It’s been around 20 years since “Married With Children” first aired and she looks way better now than she did back then. Oh, and I LOVE her character, but I think that could be because of the way she deals with her crack-whore ex-daughter-in-law. Reminds me of a certain person or two in my in-law family tree. I just wish I could remember who they are…
2) Dutch Wagenbach is on the show!!!!
That’s about all I have to say about this. Yay.
I must have slept in an awkward position last night because I woke up early this morning with one of those nagging headaches. You know, the kind that isn’t quite up to “throbbing” status, but yet it is persistent enough to make you feel like doing nothing – and even when you are doing nothing, it is not as fun as it should be because you have that little pounding going on up there in your cranium (sort of like what you are experiencing right now reading this entry). Since I couldn’t go back to sleep, I began some channel surfing. It’s always interesting to do this once in a while during a part of the day when you are not normally accustomed to watching television; I guess it is a chance to see what those people that are usually up with nothing to do in the wee-hours of the morning have at their disposal for entertainment. As a kid I always used to love staying up late on Sunday nights when I didn’t have to go to school Monday. I don’t know why; the night just seemed so … different. Oh well.
While going through various channels, I came across some profile story of Kathie Lee Gifford. I never had a problem with this chick, but then again I never watched her show with Regis. I’m sure reading my stories about the better half and the cats are annoying enough; I’d imagine having to hear about someone’s two kids on a daily basis would be worse. Still though, I’m not going to badmouth her. The only thing that disturbed me during this show was when she said that a person once called and asked her to make a CD filled with inspirational songs. Her response to this guy was that she would “pray on it,” and then she actually did so. Pray on it? Whenever someone says shit like that I get a little scared. I mean, what exactly do you do when you pray on something like this? “Uh, hi, God. I know you’re up there doing your thing – starting hurricanes, bringing life into this world, waiting for Allah to raise his pocket aces (boy is he going to be mad when you bust out your queen-high straight; and she isn't even wearing a burka), but I was wondering if you could help me out in this bind. No, I’m not asking for your assistance with a cancer-stricken family member. I’m also not wishing you to give me the resolve to leave my cheating scumbag husband. The reason I’m calling you today is because this guy wants me to sing on this album that will undoubtedly be popular with Middle America and bring in a bunch of money. What should I do?” Yeesh.
After watching this show I flipped through a few more channels and came across this A&E Biography on the "Brady Bunch" television show. Why in the hell did I watch this? Oh, I know: to learn that Cousin Oliver did the voice of Michelangelo in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I haven’t seen the sequels, but I really liked the first movie. In fact, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” was one of the few films I watched multiple times in the theater. That and “Weekend at Bernie’s.” (Don’t ask why, because I couldn’t give you an answer.) However, I was a Raphael fan, so I still say fuck Cousin Oliver for single-handedly ruining the “Brady Bunch.” Sure the show was probably crapping out at around this point in the series, but it’s easier, and more fun, to put all of the blame on some kid with glasses and a bowl haircut. Speaking of the “Brady Bunch,” years ago I remember Eve Plumb, the chick who played Jan, on a talk show, and when taking questions from the audience some girl asked Eve if she could do her infamous “Marsha Marsha Marsha” line. Wow, was Eve an asshole to that audience member. Her reply went something like, “Why don’t you just say it again since you obviously know how it goes.” Eve then started pimping her hippie artwork. Listen here, bitch, I get that you are probably sick of people you’ve never seen before approaching you and asking you to do a line or two from your years as Jan Brady, but that’s part of the deal you signed up for all those years ago while your 15 minutes of fame were ticking away. And now you want us to buy your shitty paintings. What you should have done during this talk show is mention how it’s been decades since your “Brady Bunch” stint and that you are always asked to say lines from this brief period of your life, adding how tiresome this can get at times. Then look at that audience member, give a wink and simply say those three repeated words your fans want to hear. Maybe then you would have been able to sell off some of your retarded art.
Side note: the actor who played Oliver is also born on the same day I was, just 12 years earlier. Weird.
My final stop on the channel surfing express came when I stumbled across C-Span’s “Washington Journal.” The reason I stopped here was because something caught my eye – it was the contact information listed at the bottom of the screen telling you what phone numbers to call to get on the show. During the Clinton Administration, C-Span started this gay policy where if you were a certain ideology you had to call a certain number to comment on the air. (RIGHT-WING MEDIA said this was because too many callers were getting through ragging on Bill Clinton.) Well, now the numbers are still segregated, but instead of “Democrats,” “Republicans,” and “Independents,” the phone numbers they had listed were “If you support Democrats,” “If you support the President,” and “Independents.” What about Republicans who don’t support the President? OMG MAINSTREAMLIBERALBIAS! I have no idea when this new phone number listing started. (I can't remember the last time I watched this show for more than three minutes.) The real reason I wanted to bring up “Washington Journal” is to reminisce about my all-time favorite moment on this show. Years ago when Newt Gingrich was still Speaker of the House, C-Span had this reporter on talking about some political issue of the day. This lady was obviously a liberal and had that holier-than-thou smugness many journalists have when covering politics; that kind of sideline jeering that no matter what a politician does it is the wrong decision and children will die. Anyway, this lady had something wrong with her teeth; I can't remember if she was wearing braces or if there was some wiring around her mouth, but it was obvious that she had spent quite a bit of time at a dentist’s office. This prompted an old lady to call in and berate this journalist for saying mean things about Newt. The caller then made a remark about this journalist’s teeth and hung up. In one fell swoop, some 80-year old from a red state shut up both the reporter (she looked like she was about to cry) and the “Washington Journal” host. Were the caller’s remarks mean-spirited? Sure. But they were also funny as hell.
A few days ago I was talking about Lottery People and how they are different from you and me. To recap, there are two basic types of Lottery People: Those that play games like Powerball and those that go the scratch-off-and-win route. In my recent entry I talked about the “numbers” addicts, and said that for as pathetic as these people are the scratch-off zombies are worse.
Now trying to determine which faction of Lottery People are worse is like trying to decide if you would rather encounter a bunch of black people or Mexicans in a dark alley with $100 in your hand; it usually comes down to one’s personal experiences. While the “Powerball” Lottery People have annoyed me more often during my time working at the Quickie Mart, the “Instant Win” Lottery People have produced more memorable encounters. There’s one that tops them all, however, and it’s a wonder I didn’t get fired from this one.
It started off innocently enough. This middle-aged chick came in and bought a bunch of $2 instant-win tickets. She seemed harmless. Not only did she come at a time when the store wasn’t busy, but also she went to a corner of the store to do her scratching. Many times Instant Win Lottery People just stay at the register and muck up the counter with that scratch-off residue. However, about 10 minutes later she came up to me and said that the one lottery ticket was “defective” and wanted a new one. Whenever a cashier receives a winning instant lottery ticket he or she has to first scan the ticket in the lottery machine. The machine will then ask for a three-digit code that is found on the instant-win ticket. It is only then when a payout is issued. If the three numbers aren’t punched in, there’s no cash payout. (This was back 10 years ago, so I’m not sure if the same process has to be performed.) The issue this woman had was that when she scratched the shit out of her cards she was erasing this three-digit code, too, making her tickets void.
There was a problem with this woman’s request. One of the first things I was taught at the Quickie Mart was NEVER to exchange a used lottery ticket. Now when you’re at a dead-end job you have “rules” that are commonly broken in the name of shutting up whining customers or something of that ilk. Then there are those rules that you are not allowed to bend under any circumstances. Anything dealing with the Pennsylvania lottery fell under the latter. I told this woman that I couldn’t take her “defective” ticket and give her a new one. She started getting pissy with me and whipped out the old, “Well the other guy who works here gave me new tickets,” to which I replied, “I’m not that other guy. And the other guy wasn’t supposed to do that.” This bitch then took out a pen from her purse and demanded to know what my name is, even though my nametag was right in front of her face. I responded by grabbing a writing utensil of my own and asking for her name and phone number. When she asked why I said, “So when you tell your lies to my manager about me I can call you on your line of bullshit.” I never got a number. And she did end up calling my manager. It turns out the “other guy” she had referred to was the boss’s husband.
While I’m talking about Instant Win Lottery People, here is my second most memorable moment. It was Christmas Day 1996 and our lottery machine was down. Now once again one of our “never break under any circumstances” rules was that when the lottery machine goes down you don’t pay out any tickets or sell any non-scratch tickets. Well of course because there are plenty of lazy people out there who give out lottery tickets as presents, I turned away quite a few customers with winning scratch-off tickets. This one guy threw a fucking fit over not being able to get his $1 prize. I told him that the computer system is down and there is nothing I can do. He then whipped out the old, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a $1 ticket,” to which I replied, “Well if it’s only a $1 payout, then what’s the big deal of waiting for when I am permitted to accept the ticket?” He then started to storm out and said those famous words every cashier has heard a million times: “I’m never coming back here again.” This prompted my co-worker at the other register to mutter out “oooooo.” The customer was half-way out the door, stopped, turned back around and yelled, “OK, who said 'OOOOOO'?” My co-worker put his head down and the idiot customer walked up to him and said, “What’s your name?” and looked at his nametag. “Derrick. I’ll remember that name, Derrick.” By this time I was biting down on my tongue so hard that if I had put any more pressure on it I would have tasted blood. I looked at Derrick and replied, “Good job. Now I’m going to have to laugh out loud at this guy while he’s still here,” and began to do just that. This sparked a chain reaction with the other customers in the store. When it was all said and done about a dozen people in the store laughed this guy right out of the place. I don’t know if he ever called to complain about Derrick.
Well Super Bowl XL has come and gone, and I might as well make the obvious “The real MVP for the Steelers were the referees loloneforthethumb2006,” joke and continue on with a few thoughts.
• While Seattle got hit with a few calls, I don’t think it was as bad as some people are saying. For example, I thought the Roethlisberger rushing touchdown was good; even though he tucked the ball in as he was landing on the turf, the ball was extended enough to touch the goal line when he was in mid-air. By no means was this an easy call to make, and it took me almost as much time as it took the officials who reviewed the play to confirm my decision.
That offensive pass interference call which cost Seattle a touchdown is another penalty I don’t have a problem with. Even though Darrell Jackson barely touched the defender covering him, he was still blocking the opponent right in front of an official, and when viewed in real time it looked a lot worse than it did in slow motion. The sad thing about this play is that it appeared Jackson already had position on his defender and didn’t need to do that push off.
The few penalties I had problems/questions about were that one holding call which erased a play that put Seattle on the Steeler one-yard-line and the “cut block” penalty assessed to Seattle quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. I was also curious as to why Steeler linebacker Joey Porter didn’t get a penalty called on him for taking down Shaun Alexander with what looked like a horsecollar tackle. (I could be wrong on this one, but it stuck out when I watched the play.)
• Big Ben has played better postseason games, and that one interception deep in Seahawk territory reminded me of Rodney Harrison’s pick in last year’s AFC Conference Championship game. However, Ben did have his moments. The most notable was when he scrambled out of the pocket, took note of where the line of scrimmage was, not to mention the location of the nearest defenseman, and threw a 37-yard pass to Hines Ward that set up his team's first touchdown.
• My surprise stat of the night: Alexander’s 95-yard rushing effort. I did a double take when I saw how many yards he gained with his 20 carries.
• I agree that Hines Ward should have been the MVP with five catches for 123 yards and a touchdown, as well as a key first-down run that knocked a Seattle safety out for the game. In addition, most of his catches were for first downs, and a number of them were caught despite being poorly thrown by Roethlisberger.
• I wasn’t sure about Seattle's chances coming in. I felt they had all the tools to win, but they never proved to me during the regular season that they could beat stellar competition on the road or on a neutral field. Despite several dropped passes, and some questionable clock management, they showed that they could compete; just not win. For the most part their defense played tough. However, they gave up four plays that gained 155 yards, nearly half of the Steelers' 339 total for the game. My doubts about the Steelers blitzing against the Seahawks' pass protection schemes were proven right for the most part, and Seattle's passing game showed that they could move the ball against Pittsburgh's secondary. But when it came time to make the big play, penalty-free of course, they came up short.
• This game may have been ugly, but the commercials were worse. The only ads I liked were from Budweiser; topping the list was the “streaker” ad. Oh, and after hearing that godawful rendition of our country's National Anthem, I understand why the NFL outsourced the job of halftime entertainment to a group overseas instead of going with some homegrown Motown sounds. I'm sure the NFL even got a great price considering the "wear and tear" of the band they selected.
• I’m happy for Bill Cowher finally winning the big game, because I’m so sick of hearing local idiots around the Shittsburgh area constantly criticizing him and suggesting he needs to be fired. While I have said many times that the Steelers are one of the biggest underachieving teams since the early 1990s, I base this on the fact they have lost four Conference Championship games at home and won one game that they didn’t deserve to win. In addition, in 1992 they had the top seed and lost to Buffalo in the Divisional Round. However, it’s better to have a coach that can get your team to five Conference Championship games in a losing effort than to have a coach which can’t get your team into one.
I remember watching Cowher's first game with the Steelers. Coaching legend Chuck Knoll had retired, and this thirty-something guy with a noticeable chin was taking over. The first game of the Cowher regime was in a hostile Astrodome environment up against a Houston Oilers team that was one of the AFC's best. After not doing much of anything on their first drive of the game, the Steelers faked a punt that was good for a long gain. This gutsy play-call set up an early-game score, taking the crowd out of the rest of game. Ever since then, Cowher has been a fixture on the Steeler sideline, and now, thanks to this championship, he's going to be a fixture in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
• Even though I'm from the Shittsburgh area, I consider myself to be nonpartisan when it comes to the local sports teams. This run the Steelers went on late in the season and in the playoffs was nothing short of amazing. After all those years of coming up short when given home field in the postseason, it's funny to see this team win it all while having to play on the road in some of the most hostile stadiums in the NFL. And while this city loves you guys, don't expect it to last long. While listening to Mark Madden's sports radio show this afternoon, there were several callers already talking about how this team will fare in 2006-2007 with the dozen or so players eligible for free agency in the upcoming off-season.
So exactly how many more months are there until mini-camp?
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 3: nl5xsk1
Yes, you read that right. The poster known with one of the more annoying names to type has cracked the number 3 spot on this list. “But kkk, how can this be? You’ve been calling this scat-loving fiend ‘nl-asshole’ for years. How can he be listed so high? Did he pay you off? Did he find you a MILF? What happened?” Well, I’ll tell you what happened.
This "nl-asshole" thing is all a giant SWERVE~!
You may find this hard to believe, but I generally don’t put a lot of thought into my message-boarding. When I’m scrolling down a thread, I rarely spend more than a few seconds reading a post, and when I get to the end of a thread, I typically type the first few thoughts that come to my head – no matter how nonsensical they may be. And on 8:48 a.m. on September 29, 2004, I read the following post by nl5xsk1 in a thread titled “List your aliases.. old board names...”
and I just felt like typing...
That’s it. That’s how this great “feud” started. Let me recap: For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes. One my say I’m breaking KEYFABE right now, but this is, at its heart, an internet message board, and this is a SHOOT, baby. The Ross Report doesn’t have shit on this. (Is the Ross Report even around anymore?)
So, yeah. Over the years I’ve shaped this “hatred” for nl5xsk1 to include such witty banter like:
However, the highlight of this e-feud, which has spanned multiple message boards, came during kkk Bowl III when nl5xsk1 actually won the whole thing – well, it’s sure a lot better than him not bothering to show up for the posteason.
Are we typing?
Is this mic still on?
Well thank God that’s over and done with. I didn’t know how long I could last saying nice things about this cocksucker. And by “cocksucker,” I mean cocksucker.
1 p.m.
• So I have said in the past that I don’t like flying. In fact, the last time I was on an airplane was back in 1996 during a trip to California just before I met the future Mrs. kkk. Why don’t I like flying? Well, there’s always the chance of crashing into the ground from 10,000 feet. Yeah, I know the odds are much greater that I’d get killed by a fellow motorist than I would by a shitty pilot. However, the illusion that I could actually do something about my status on the highway is a better feeling. If you’re on an interstate and some truck in front of you has a bunch of shit loosely tied down to the roof then you could switch lanes. When you’re in a plane, there’s not much you can do unless you have a parachute strapped to you and near an exit. However, there are other factors that have nothing to do with drunk pilots and pisspoor mechanics.
The passengers
Here’s what I said a while back regarding my Going … Back … To … Cali… in the 1990s.
And while my experiences dealing with passengers during this latest round of flying I just didn’t wasn’t as bad as my ’96 experiences, it didn’t help matters. It amazed me how many people tried to carry on luggage that was too big to fit in overhead compartments. Jesus Christ, I haven’t flown for more than a decade and I was smart enough to take note that my one piece of luggage wasn’t deemed acceptable for overhead storage. Then again, these people are probably the same type that I dealt with in my Quickie Mart days that tried paying for a 25-cent pack of gum with a $50 bill. But I digress.
Connecting flights
So the plan was for my boss and I to take a flight from Shittsburgh to Philadelphia and then from Philly to Albany, N.Y. However, when I got to the airport I found out that we were instead going to New York City. This also meant that our departure would be a few hours later than the Shittsburgh-Philly flight. Great. Well, after my cross-state flight, I ended up in LaGuardia Airport. Holy fuck is that place a dump. And to make matters better, I had to wait a few more hours until this one plane from Harrisburg landed here because that was the vehicle to take me to Albany. One problem: This plane was running late. Whoopie. Here’s another bonus: LaGuardia only had a handful of stores, and most of them featured “I [heart][/heart] N.Y.” Oh, yeah, like I’m going to get that shit. Then I saw Hitlery merchandise. Even better. Fuck. I ended up getting a U.S. Snooze & World Distort magazine that talked about previous election cycles. One thing I like about U.S. News is that they do some neat “looking back” pieces. I remember in ’00 they had an interesting feature about the ’48 conventions – I’m pretty sure it was that year because it dealt with Truman and Dewey. Where was I? Oh, yeah. LaGuardia.
So while waiting for the Harrisburg plane to arrive I sat by the gate because you can only walk the halls a certain number of times before people start thinking you’re a terrorist. My boss and I were supposed to arrive in Albany at 4 p.m. It was past 4 when we heard that the Harrisburg plane had just taken off. After an hour or so we were told that the flight to Albany was seating for Zones 1-8. That sounded odd. Then when I stepped onto this massive transportation vehicle I noted that I was in “Zone 8.” And by “Zone 8” I mean the “eighth row.” The actual flight itself wasn’t too bad. I remember flying on a smaller plane when I was kid vacationing in Florida, and as a bonus I didn’t have to sit next to anyone.
We got into Albany at around 6:30 p.m. just in time to see news television shows talking about the stock market’s REMARKABLE DAY~! When I was at LaGuardia all the news shows were talking about RECESSION and the STOCK MARKET TANKING and other gloom and doom pieces. Then after my shitty flight to Albany, it’s a MIRACLE REBOUND. Then again, these are the same people that thought Obama was going to crush the Hildabeast by double digits in New Hampshire and that by 1985 the earth was going to freeze due to global cooling. And who wonders why people are skeptical of the mainstream media?
So Wednesday I was at airports from 9 a.m. through about 7:30 p.m. All to get on two one-hour-flights. My boss, who travels all the time, said this is the first time in a long while this sort of thing has happened to her. I said I’d gladly take the blame for this if it means a raise. However, the best was yet to come on the way home on Friday...
• I love local news, and not in a good way. While Medium-Large Media have their own agenda and chose to ignore stories that don’t have to deal with Abu Ghrab and Halliburton, the more local stations focus on the good stuff, like cops catching some kids peeing in a water supply. A local story in my neck of the woods (although Drudge has since picked it up on his site) deals with this 10-year old who is protesting, with her parents’ consent, over getting “picked on” by school administrators for wearing mini-skirts to class. Of course, with this added attention, I’m sure it will just lure in some of her male classmates to oogle her without knowing why they’re doing so. And of course if something happens to her, like a when group of boys trying to look up her dress at the bottom of a stairwell, her parents will be the first ones bitching to the school about this inappropriate behavior.
Well I see this sort of thing isn't just limited to my neck of the woods. Maybe if parents cared about the quality of education their kids were receiving as they did with the local school's dress code, we as a country might fare better in those academic competitions where we always get beat by those dang Asians.
• As of this writing it looks like the Pirates are still be winless this year, leaving them and the Phillies the only teams without a victory so far this season. And while this team sucks on the field, their marketing department is even worse; then again it’s not like they have much to work with. This year’s slogan/campaign is “We will…” Before the season started, these two words were followed up by words like “Persevere,” “Fight” and “Not give up.” I’m sure there are a few more descriptive words that can follow “We will,” but the ones I’m thinking of don’t portray the team in an all-too positive light.
• I was eating an Eggo waffle this morning and something caught my eye when looking at its nutrition information. According to the Eggo box, one waffle is 100 calories while two waffles are 190 calories – huh? I guess if you eat three waffles then it’s only 270 calories. Going by this math, I guess once you get waffle numbers 11-12 you are home free; I'm sure your carb count will probably leave something to be desired though.
• I finished my first year of franchise mode in Madden ’05, and one thing I like almost as much as playing the games are the various off-season tasks to do, especially scouting and drafting rookies. This off-season had no significant departures from my team, save for Jerome Bettis who was pissy because I wasn’t starting him. So going into this draft, my only real need was to have a power back. I did some scouting, and when it came time for me to make a selection I was torn between a few running backs and a tight end that would really come in handy. The problem for me was that the tight end was projected to go in the second round and the several running backs available were projected to go in the first round, meaning the backs would probably end up with slightly better ability stats. There was some concern with drafting any of these first-round backs though, because I had some doubts about any of these them being high in the “break tackle” category, which is what I was really looking for, and the tight end had some excellent combine stats and a full slate of positive reviews. I bit the bullet and picked the tight end, figuring a decent back would be available next round (there were a few backs I had my eye on that were projected to go in the second round, and the tight end pool in this draft was really shallow; the tight end I was eying up was the highest projected player at his position). I bit the bullet and selected the tight end, and after selecting him got treated to a chorus of boos, meaning my fans weren't too thrilled with the pick. However, after I signed him to a contract, his stats were revealed: 78 overall, which was higher than either of my current tight ends and an excellent score for a drafted rookie. I’ve done a few pre-season games so far in the new year and I’m taking a real liking this guy. Although I still don’t have a “power back,” (my highest rating in this category among my three half backs and two full backs is in the low 80s) I’ll take this tight end over any of the rookie backs that were recently drafted.
• No wonder George W. Bush doesn’t care about black people –– look at how he was treated at Coretta Scott King’s funeral. Even though she was the dead one at this house of worship, it seemed that some of the speakers at the event were trying to bury the President of the United States. Culprit A was Rev. Joseph Lowry when he said, "We know now that there were no weapons of mass destruction over there. But Coretta knew, and we know, that there are weapons of misdirection right down here.” Culprit B was former president Jimmy Carter, who wasn’t much better by bringing up “secret wire tapping” along with racially charged drivel about Hurricane Katrina.
These two dipshits said what they did with the intention of belittling the president, who was seated nearby and had to take these insults with a smile. Didn’t these people learn anything from the Paul Wellstone memorial a few years ago? Keep the insults coming, I say, and watch Bush look like a sympathetic figure more and more each and every time.
• Here's what I don't get about Democrats. Hitlery is the latest lib to say that Republicans are playing the "fear card" of terrorism to win elections. And just what in the blue hell does your party do, senator? Whenever election season comes around, what exactly do you call saying that the GOP wants to starve children, throw the elderly in the gutter, pollute the planet, cut social security, slash Medicare, encourage hate crimes, among other things? I'll save my left-leaning friends the trouble of hitting the Fast Reply button and typing in "I call it the truth -- lolz."
• A list of the top 10 tech jobs was recently released, and after looking at this list I must agree with these rankings, considering I have no idea what most of the job titles mean.
• Monday Night Football is not only moving to a new station, but it's also getting a new announcing team. Replacing Al Michaels and John Madden will be Joe Theismann, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Tirico. Eh. Don't really care. I was probably one of the only people in this world that didn't mind the Sunday Night crew of Theismann, Mike Patrick and Paul Maguire, although it wouldn't have killed them to say a team they were commenting on was "average" or "not quite up to playoff caliber." Even though I have some issues with Michael Wilbon, I wouldn't mind having him replace Theismann in this lineup. This way we could listen for three hours of him and Kornheiser bicker back and forth, much like they do on “Pardon The Interruption.” However, I'd be sure to have the TV on mute whenever the Philadelphia Eagles are slated to appear during a telecast; the knob-slobbing of Donovan McNabb would be too much, even for Patrick to bear.
• The Brazilian government is planning on passing out 25 million condoms during the country's Carnival holiday, which is scheduled to start on February 25. Two things: 1) Even though the rate of failure among condoms is debated, let’s just assume for this instance that the failure rate is three percent. That means if you go to this festival, get a rubber from the government and do your thing, you could have one of the 750,000 that won’t stop your boys from getting out, or from anything else getting inside of you. 2) I wouldn’t eat government cheese, why would I slide something onto my winky that was given to me by the State?
• So there I was scouring the Internet looking for a photo of Britney Spears driving around with her kid sitting on her lap when I came across this blurb: “The paparazzi came to Britney Spears aid this week when the car which she was driving broke down on a busy road in Malibu. According to reports, Spears was driving her husband's Ferrari near her Malibu home when it suddenly cut out, leaving her stranded on a very busy highway.”
Her husband’s Ferrari? Uh-huh.
Oh, and here is that stupid picture.
• So USA Today is speaking out against those who are cowering in the face Muslims offended by cartoons. In a February 8 editorial titled, “Shameful Appeasement, the article says, “What's clear is that East and West are not just cultures apart, but centuries, and that certain elements of the Muslim world would like to drag us back into the Dark Ages. What is also clear is that the West's own leaders, both in Europe and the USA, as well as many of our own journalists, have been weak-spined when it comes to defending the principles of free expression that the artists in Denmark were exploring.”
Now after reading this editorial, you would think that USA Today would stand in solidarity with its Global Media brethren and show it’s readers what the fuss is all about with these drawings? In a February 7 USA Today’s Life section column, Deputy World Editor Jim Michaels said, "(At USA Today) we concluded that we could cover the issue comprehensively without republishing the cartoon, something clearly offensive to many Muslims. It's not censorship, self or otherwise.”
• And speaking of these offensives cartoons, I have come up with a way to bring everybody together on this issue. Maybe even Allah will chill out for a few minutes before getting mad at us infidels again.
9:30 p.m.
Time for another pic of the kids.
For those that remember the picture of Max trying to pal up with Dessa on the bed, this one was taken a bit more recently. As you can clearly see by the look on her face, Dessa has really warmed up to Max in the 2+ years we've had him. It's quite amusing to watch all three of them fight over domain of the recliner.
12:15 p.m.
• Wow, even four out of the five Communists on the High Court agreed with the more conservative judges on this one.
Awww, poor baby. Hey Harris. Fuck you. I hope you remember what a dumbfuck you were every time your diaper needs to be changed.
I’ve heard the complaints from those that say these things put the public in danger, and if someone lost a family or friend because some shithead was going 80 mph in a residential area in an attempt to get away from the po-pos because he has a warrant out for his arrest, then I feel your pain. However, instead of taking it out on the cops, how about taking it out on the, oh, I don’t know, CRIMINALS? I’ve advocated for years that people who engage the cops on high-speed car chases should have an attempted murder count charged against them for every motorist they pass by.
• So I heard on the radio that the Warriors are up three games to one on the Mavericks. Now that's funny.
9 p.m.
• There are "experts" debating over using an ogre as an anti-obese spokesperson? And are there going to be Happy Meals featured in this third Shrek movie? And I'm sure this anti-ogre hate violates some sort of discrimination law.
2:45 p.m.
• So yesterday the better half and I went to a few different stores to pick up stuff. First it was to Petco to pick up Dessa’s birthday free birthday gift. Yes, Petco sent us a coupon good for two free ping pong balls due to her “birthday” being around this time. How they know this I have no idea – my guess is Mrs. kkk sent this information in at some point in time. Actually, Dessa was born in the winter, but we picked her up in April, so I guess “birthday” means when we got her from Paws. But I digress. This was actually a pretty clever marketing ploy. Bring some pet owner in for a free 59-cent rattling plastic ball and hope they buy some overpriced crap. And that’s just what we did.
As we walked in the store, the better half said, “we need to get them new toys.“ Christ. However, this was my lucky day because there were a bunch of things on clearance. We got four scrunchy-type toys (three for ours, one for the in-law’s cat) and this valentine’s day box with several catnip mousse. Total cost: $6. Not too bad, considering if we would have gotten everything at retail price it would have been $25. Yes, $25.
Another place we stopped at was Kohl’s because there was a sale on these storage bag things. There’s a chance you’ve seen them advertised on television. Just put a bunch of stuff in these bag and suck all the air out of it via a vacuum cleaner hose. I spent this afternoon home on a comp day playing with these bags. I like ‘em. Not only have I sucked away a bunch of bathroom towels I don’t like using but keep around because you never know when you’ll need an extra towel or four. I also sucked away a bunch of bed sheets and other similar things. Now our towel closet has about twice as much free space as before. Am I writing a bit too much about this? Probably. But I’m not a hard person to please.
• You know, if I had the funds, I might have purchased these, too.
For as awful as that reality show of hers was, I’m sure these would have been an even bigger trainwreck. I don’t know what’s more pathetic: People who write about the stupid minutia that goes on in their dreary, daily lives, or those that actually waste part of their lives reading this pathetic shit.
…
Fuck.
11:45 a.m.
• Wonder if this was featured in Mikey Moore's latest film?
Boy, it's a good thing those new moms got all this at no charge thanks to Canada's FREE health care. Perhaps Mikey didn't mention this because these people were nothing but plants by the corporations.
9:15 a.m.
• Whenever I wake up in the morning, there's always at least one of our three milling around, or on, the bed.
Animals may not be as "smart" as humans, but I'd take their instincts over what's printed in textbooks during many of life's instances.
7:15 a.m.
• So I finally got around to watching “Batman Begins” last night (like I’ve said before, I don’t watch movies in the theaters all that often, so I normally wait until they come out on DVD). All I can say is … wow. Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Katie Holmes ... Morgan Freeman. Awesome stuff. I actually liked the first part of the film when more of a “backstory” was presented than when all the action took place. I’m not a big comic book guy, but Batman was one of my favorites. This of course means I had at one time a dozen or so of his comics. I didn’t see “Batman” coming out of Christian Bale (who I never heard of up to this point), but that’s not a knock on him. It’s just whenever I hear “Batman” the first image that pops into my head is Michael Keaton –– similar to how I think of Roger Moore whenever I hear the words “James Bond,” even though I always liked the Sean Connery movies better. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way when the Joker is featured in the next movie, which is what I’ve read about in the TSM Movie folder. That white-and-green bad guy will always be Jack to me.
• While I'm on the subject of movies –– que?
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 76: Your Paragon of Virtue
He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing. He seems to be interested in the wrestling/fighting topics of this place, which I generally stay away from (although he's not a Raw fan anymore). He tried his hand (and voice) at TSM "radio," and didn't do that bad a job. While a commie, we do share some common ground. We both think Britney Spears is a "slut" for having kids after marriage. We also agree Marshall Faulk was a better running back than Emmitt Smith. But most importantly, we two prudes don't find this all that appealing.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Cancer Marney:
Below is Part II of my journey with the Political Compass just to find out where in that broad spectrum I land -- am I just a notch below Hitler or to the right of George W. Bush? Place your bets now.
PART II:
Agree.
Sure America’s poverty levels aren’t quite the same as the rest of the world’s, but I fear the tax rate that will befall me should the white, ghetto and burro trash ever unite for one common cause. Better to keep them angry at each other than focused on evil suburbanites like myself.
Agree.
Yeah, it’s nice to have a job. But it’s even nicer not to have to spend a day’s paycheck on a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.
Agree.
As much as I like libertarians, I don’t buy their notion of “End regulation because when a factory dumps sewage into the local river, they’re dumping it into THEIR river, too!” Now we can debate as to how much regulation should be conducted on said factory, but that's not the question at hand.
Disagree.
The only reason I don’t add the “Strongly” before this answer is because the question includes the word “fundamentally,” which tells me the questioner is trying to say that this idea would work in Happy World, where everything is pure and good. This ain’t happy world. Every idea looks good on paper. Having it work in the real world is a different matter altogether. For some reason I'm taken back to that South Park "hippie" episode where a doper says something like, "Yeah man, we ought to live together in one big community. There could be one person just make the bread for us all," to which Stan replies, "You mean a baker?"
Disagree.
Years ago I may have tended to agree with this one, but hey, if you don’t like the taste of your water, then let the free market be your guide. Besides, we’re always bitching about how fat our kids are. Maybe instead of buying them a can of Pepsi at the Quickie Mart, a bottle of water might be a better purchase. And what about if there’s a water main break in your neighborhood? Thanks to this thing called capitalism, you can go out and buy a gallon or two of H2O at a decent price to tide you over until your drinking water becomes sanitary again.
Disagree.
Not only should land be bought and sold, it should be fought over, too. However, one thing land shouldn’t be is taken by your government thanks to five red diaper doper babies from one private owner to be given to another private owner just because that person claims he can generate more tax revenue from this land, thus contributing to the “greater good” of the community. Come on Ginsburg and Stevens, retire those old asses of yours before 2008.
Disagree.
It’s too bad that this is how George Soros got his wealth and power, but hey, such is life. More power to him for manipulating the system; too bad I didn't think of it first. If so, I could have made some really cool Group 527 political ads during the 2004 election.
Agree.
This is a tough one for me. I’m a peon of the free market, but because the word “sometimes” is used I’ll gingerly go to the “agree” side of this issue. Sometimes you might need to fight fire with fire, although both sides usually end up getting burnt.
Developing...
7:30 p.m.
• So the better half is on vacation this week and next, and she decided to do the “family” thing this week. And by “family” I mean deal with all the bitching and yelling going on with her mother and nieces/nephews. I shouldn’t be too quick to point out the lunacy of having “family fun time” when in most instances it involves crying, screaming and temper tantrums. The major culprit in all this is the 21-year-old out-of-control knocked-up niece-in-law. And of course, Mrs. kkk’s mother, despite all the bitching she does about this particular black sheep of the family, does everything in her power to cater to the crack-whore. At the amusement park earlier this week the out-of-control niece-in-law was telling the better half about how her boyfriend wants to videotape her blowing some other guy. She was saying this, mind you, with the 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece in the same car. Then before a trip to the zoo the niece-in-law held everyone else up from leaving by several hours because she wasn’t “ready.” When she finally was she slept for half the day. Another time the niece-in-law was trying to cook dinner for everyone and was running at least an hour behind before Mrs. kkk left her mother’s house. Where was I going with all this? Oh, yeah.
During the aforementioned zoo trip, the 11-year-old nephew wanted to buy a gift for his parents. (I’m telling this kid ain’t right). His 9-year-old sister then decided to as well. The nephew saved $20 from the money he made cutting grass this summer. The niece? Well, she makes $3 a day watching some dog. How much has the niece saved up for this purchase? You guessed it: $3.
The niece then said to her brother that they should pull their resources together. The nephew said “no” and added that “she should have saved her money up” like he did. This caused the niece to begin throwing a fit, which prompted my mother-in-law to feel guilty and ask Mrs. kkk if they should give the niece money to buy her parents a gift. The better half said “no” because that would make the nephew’s saving money this summer go to waste. I’m impressed; some of my Jew logic has rubbed off. Why am I saying all this? Because I just found out who the Democrat and Republican will be when it comes to my 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece.
Wait a second. No it doesn’t. Damn you Republicans – why did you have to double the federal budget and rack up trillions more in debt? It’s getting harder and harder to make these types of comparisons.
Hey, look…
KITTIES!
You know, I can’t remember what I have posted and what I haven’t posted. This was one of Max when we first took him in as a stray. The other two didn’t warm up to him all that much. I knew Dessa would hate him right off the bat (and continue to do so), as you can see from above, but JJ surprised me a bit.
For a month or two JJ wouldn't even look in his direction, and he even hissed at him once or twice. (If JJ hisses, you know something is up.) There was really nothing Max could do, even though he tried to get along. It was sad seeing him in a submissive role and still getting hissed at, swatted and chased around the house. However, my thinking was that the three of them would sort it out and that whatever treatment he got in our house was a hundred times better than fending for himself out in the freezing cold. It took him six months for JJ to get used to Max. And by “used to” I mean roll around with him on the floor in a wrestle-like fashion. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it wrestling. JJ will plop on the floor, Max will jump on top of him and after about 5 seconds JJ will get up and run away. Whatever. In their world I’m sure it means something.
8:30 p.m.
• Now what can go wrong with this?
• How about awarding people money and they buy the gas themselves?
Oh, wait, we're talking about lottery people. Christ, the same people spending $50 per day in lottery tickets will be the biggest complainers at the pump.
•
Late last night I learned that Pittsburgh Mayor Bob O’Connor had passed away after a brief bout with a rare form of cancer that attacks the brain and spinal cord. He was 61 years old. I knew he was going to succumb to this sudden diagnosis, especially when the hospital he was at stopped providing updates to the media a few days ago. When it was announced Friday night that the mayor had died, it left a pit in my stomach that’s still there this morning. I don’t know the man, nor have I ever met him, but I’ve followed his public service career for years and always thought of him as a person of integrity. I may not have agreed with him on a number of issues, but many times in local politics you throw away party affiliation and support the better man (or woman, depending on the situation).
I think the saddest part of this story is that for years this guy had tried to be mayor, only losing in the Democrat primary each time to the incumbent Tom Murphy. In fact, during the 2001 mayoral election there were allegations that Murphy had some illegal backroom deal with the city’s firefighter’s union where he would give them a sweetheart contract if they would support his candidacy over O’Connor. Murphy ended up winning that election by just 699 votes. (Like I said before, it was a primary, but in this town the “general election” takes place in the Democrat primary.)
Whenever Murphy announced he would not seek another term in 2005, it was all but a formality that O’Connor would become the city’s next mayor. There were “elections” and “campaigns,” but everyone with half a brain knew Bob would end up winning. Even when he was on the campaign trail, it seemed that O’Connor was talking more about what he was going to do once elected rather than asking if he could have your vote so he could be elected. When O’Connor finally took the helm in January of 2006 he tried as much as he could to show he wasn’t going to squander the opportunity to head the city he loved. There were two early examples of his leadership in action. The first was successfully planning a post-Super Bowl downtown parade for the Steelers. Even though more than a 250,000 people came downtown to congratulate the Super Bowl champs, O’Connor and his administration made sure the event ran without a hitch, and from the reviews people gave afterwards, it appeared that O’Connor and his staff was for real. The second incident came in wake of a sniper scare. (I commented on this incident back in January.) At first there was concern of a person atop a building with a rifle looking for people to shoot, but in the end it turned out that it was just a maintenance worker hunting pigeons. However, the way the city police/fire/medical services handled this event during those hours when they didn’t know what they were up against showed to many in the area that this town was being managed differently than it had been in previous years. And O’Connor was out in the middle of the action overseeing this operation. One could say he was just being pomp, seeing that his first term was just under way, but if you heard him you could tell he wasn’t trying to be out in the limelight. He wanted to show the city, and the surrounding counties, that the buck was stopping with him. And it showed.
It’s a shame O’Connor didn’t win the Democrat primary back in ’01. If he had, Pittsburgh might be in better financial shape today. Sadly, we here in the southwestern Pennsylvania area will never get to know what O’Connor would have been fully capable of as mayor. RIP.
9 p.m.
• So I was at a wake/body viewing/whatever-it's-called-before-you-bury-someone just now. The better half's one uncle who I have never seen before just died. I showed up, sat there and kept my mouth shut. Whenever I'm at one of these events I just keep my head down, shut my mouth and close me eyes. However, as the Serbian priest was doing his thing someone suddenly ripped one while the priest was in a pause (I don't know who it was because my eyes were closed). Why oh why does the Lord push me to such extremes?
• How in the hell do these lottery winners go broke? If I ever took home $100+ million, the last place I'd go to is a casino. Should this ever happen to me, the story would probably go, "kkk was bouncing checks at the local Best Buy trying to purchase DVDs."
• Speaking of winners, here's a local story I've been following since it recently broke.
2:30 p.m.
• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Nancy Pelosi would exclude from the upcoming federal minimum wage hike a tuna company in her district.
Guess ol' Nancy doesn't care about the children of Samoa. Regarding the federal minimum wage. I don't care. This is because the faggot Democrats (and Republicans) in my state already jacked up our state rate. At least over in Ohio the dumbasses there voted in a minimum wage hike. I'm just having it done for me. I have had two minimum wage jobs in my life. Know what I did? I got another job. Tough stuff there. I remember the Morgan Spurlock hippie did one of his "30 Days" shows about living on $5.15/hour. I watched about 5 minutes of it before having to take a poop.
7 a.m.
• I've said for a while now how the out-of-control niece-in-law has pissed away 2+ years of money that was to be used for her college education. Well, she also had an inheritance from years ago that was stashed away from her. With that money she bought a good used car about 2-3 months ago. It was a nice car. Too bad I knew what was going to be in store for the poor thing. Within a week there was already a dent in it. There have been a few scratches and the like over the last month or so, including one time the niece drove it over a hill (don't ask). But yesterday, as she was bending over to grab a cigarette, the niece swerved into an oncoming lane and hit another car. The other driver wasn't hurt, and the niece's care got the brunt of the damage, including a smashed driver's side window. Thank Christ I was able to convince my mother-in-law to take her name off that title no more than two weeks ago. If my crack-whore sister-in-law is the equivalent of a real-life sitcom like "Friends," then the niece-in-law is "Joey."
6:45 p.m.
• Mike Awesome died?
Well, that’s not awesome news.
Wait, he hanged himself? Fuck him then.
He was a realtor? Oh come on, there are worse things to be in life. I'm sure there are number of other "retired" wrestlers doing much worse.
• So the better half and I got into a bit of a disagreement over Sunday’s shopping at the nearby “Bed Bath & Beyond.” No, we weren’t arguing about soap dishes or any of that other shit. Long story short: We’re going to Ohio for a wedding in March, and we decided to do the wedding registry shopping thing. Now I’m the first person to admit I’m an asshole and there are quite a few screws loose in my view of the world. However, even though I’m an asshole, I’m a loyal asshole. I wanted to get several mid-priced items that they could use, even if they moved away. Mrs. kkk wanted to get a big gift. I said we should go with my route for several reasons. The primary one was that, unlike the kkk household, this couple hasn’t lived in sin all that long, if at all. They would need more household items. Mrs. kkk then bitched about how they wouldn’t think we bought them much. I had to laugh and remind her that she make a fucking inventory of what everyone bought for us at our wedding. I think these two college graduates would take note that we purchased five items ranging in price from $15-25. When it was all said and done, we spent $110 on a cookbook holder thing, a cutting board thing, a spice rack, a shower curtain and an electric can opener. At least the spice rack was on sale.
This of course brought back memories of my wedding gifts and how we got Jewed to the point I was considering changing my name to kkk-stein. Here’s a lesson, people. You may not like gift registries. I understand. You may not think the gifts you’d be getting won’t be personal. After all, a wedding registry is like an adult’s What-I-Want-From-Santa list. If that’s the case, then either give money or a gift card to a major department store. DON’T BUY SOMETHING A COUPLE DOESN’T NEED. Don’t think getting a “picnic set” complete with four plastic glasses and a pitcher that holds less water than its accompanying glasses is a good idea. Also, don’t be a goddamn Jew. Let me give a real-life example involving one of our TSM brethren.
For my wedding, Swift Terror got us a towel set. You know, the big towels you dry yourself off with, the medium-sized ones I never use, and the little wash rags. That’s good. Want to know what’s bad? On of the better half’s relatives WHO JUST BOUGHT ONE FUCKING TOWEL. Although Swift Terror actually paid attention to our registry, I still need to kick his ass because those were the towels that prompted the better half to paint our first-floor bathroom from a perfectly acceptable light blue motif to one that’s shit brown. (If you look through the door's crack, you can see said towels.)
And why did she decided to paint the WHOLE BATHROOM? So the walls would MATCH THE COLOR OF THOSE TOWELS that are for decoration only. Oh, and she wanted to have these stencils up.
Now I don't personally blame Swift Terror for this defiling because I knew the better half wanted to do this. He just provided the ammo. After all, once you get a nice set of towels, you just HAVE to repaint a whole room before hanging them up, right?
So take it from kkk. If you don’t want to buy a decent wedding gift, then don’t go to the wedding. And if you got me calling you a Jew, you know you got problems.
8 p.m.
• For those that don’t know, I’m taking part in Bored’s college football contest over in the sports thread. Seeing how I know jack shit about college football, I just read over his weekly list of games to pick from and just shoot off the first school that comes to my head from each match-up. This week in my batch of PM’d picks, I had the following:
Commissioning an Internet pick ‘em contest ain’t easy, folks.
• Gee, and here I thought that’s what sick days are for.
Actually, the EAN spokesperson has a point. It’s funny how white-collar jobs oftentimes have sick days, vacation days and holidays-with-pay, but some poor big-box retail clerk or fast-food worker will get shit on for calling off sick. I remember during my Burger King days I was getting ready to relax and watch an afternoon of NBA games when my one manager called and asked me to come into work. Now seeing how I closed Friday and Saturday nights, leaving at around 2 a.m. each time, I didn’t feel like coming in. Besides, that’s what happens when you people hire undependable people and they (gasp!) don’t bother to show up. Well, after I said “no thank you” I heard through the grapevine that the manager bitched about my refusal to come in afterward. Fun times.
While I’m sorta on this subject, the better half’s ex-boss bitched at her for calling off work the day after the Steelers won Super Bowl XL. She stayed up to watch the game with me and decided to use one of her numerous sick/vacation days, especially since there was no work for her planned that particular Monday anyway. Of course, this is the same boss who only worked an hour or two the day of the Steelers victory parade and left to attend that event. Then again, this bitch made Mrs. kkk’s life a living hell, but I guess in the end it all worked out because although the better half now has another crazy boss her situation is not nearly as bad as the previous workplace. (Oh but there are stories.)
• So Eddie Murphy is now going to marry that Scary Spice chick? Ha, I always knew she was a dude in drag. Besides, I preferred the one who married David Beckham.
• Last night I finally saw that South Park episode that Chef quit over; the one where Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet. Goddamn, I was expecting something much worse than that. I’ve always liked the Mormon-bashing myself (dum dum dum dum dum). I haven’t watch South Park with any regularity since Season 7, so I didn’t catch this episode when it was first run. Then when Chef quit and Comedy Central pulled the plug on re-airing the show a few months ago I was jilted from watching it. I consider myself a South Park fan, and I love Matt and Trey’s sense of humor, but I hope they end this series before it gets old. I’d be interested to know how they would end this series; hopefully, they will get the time to do a good send-off, rather than receiving the “Married With Children” treatment.
• FIFA gave the Frenchie who retired from the sport after head-butting an opponent a three-game suspension, but gave the WAP who called him a dirty terrorist (allegedly) two games. The hell?
• Finally, a great idea regarding that whole “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us” crowd. But let’s take it a few steps further. Let’s send back to Africa anyone who’s still pissed that their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy got captured by a rival tribe on the dark continent and shipped off to whitey. Hell, even if you weren’t from Africa I’d have no problem with you going over there and catching the AIDS or getting your arms chopped off by rebels in some piece of land that changes names every other week.
• I recently heard that some people from Oklahoma City bought the Seattle Sonics. (Or are they back to being “Super”?) And there’s talk about them moving to Dama territory. I don’t know much about the Seattle area, but it seems like the team is whining because the city doesn’t want to fund a new arena, so when the lease expires to their current place expires, David Stern and friends will take their ball and go home, or at least to the Midwest. If the WNBA Seattle Storm follows suit, I wonder if this will still go on at the new place? Damn you Sandmann9000 for exposing me to this shit.
• So the headline to this story says Bush knows many blacks mistrust GOP. Of course, Republicans want welfare eliminated and people to go to work. At least they do when there’s a Democrat President in the White House.
• Perhaps the Minutemen should take as much care watching where their funds travel as they do documenting when illegals cross over into America. In a way, this might be an encouraging sign. With corruption at the top levels of management, perhaps the Minuteman movement is gaining momentum. All we need now are a few sex scandals or something and perhaps Bush might make them a part of Homeland Security.
