8:45 p.m.
• For as much as I want to goof on Joe Pa and Sappy Valley, I must say I’m impressed.
At least he didn’t blame the brake pedal for making his vehicle go twice as fast as it plowed into a car/pole/building. I saw him once while living in this shit hole. I was at an ATM machine and he was walking buy. Some guy said something to him and when he replied I turned and saw him. Uh, yay and stuff.
• So I finally got around to seeing “Wishmaster 2.” I liked it, especially with that goofy white guy being the “costume” for the bad guy. Please note I liked it due to the sheer awfulness of the whole thing. God, I have so many bad horror movies saved up on my DVR it’s not even funny. But do know what was funny? This.
“The South Will Rise Again.”
And sometimes, the IMDB reviews are funnier than any script out there.
10:15 p.m.
• So I had the Pitt/Navy game on for a bit tonight. My God how does Lou Holtz have a broadcasting job? And how can executives listen to him and think, "yeah, people would want to hear this"? He could get shit-faced before going on-air and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. How could his players take anything he said seriously?
7 p.m.
• You know what got me irked about Matt Leinart? His whining about not playing quarterback full-time. I’m sure it’s an ego thing and shit, but Kurt Warner was playing better than you; be thankful you were in a situation where you had a teammate that didn’t mind splitting time with his inferior (at least this is how it seemed outside of the locker room).
Aw, too bad.
• I’m not a Yankee hater, but can we focus on the teams still in contention for a World Series championship?
• See, who cares about all this SCHIP contraversery? It’s not like the little bastards are getting decent care anyway.
You know what this means ... FREEGOVERNMENTHEALTHCARE.
Wait a second, what's this in the next paragraph?
• Speaking of losers, my crack-whore niece-in-law tried offing herself again this past weekend. Then again, telling her boyfriend-of-the-month via text that she took a bunch of sleeping pills probably isn’t the best way to fade out into a permanent slumber. God, just die already.
7:30 p.m.
• So sfaJack is having to do some painting or whatever because the Cubs lost. It's amazing what our better halves want to do with the places they live at. Like I said the other day in my entry about those people buying houses just to tear half of it down, why bother? I remember when house-shopping with Mrs. kkk I wanted to do the least amount of renovating possible due to being a lazy bastard. Well, when we settled on our house I was quite glad the amount of refurbishing was minimal. We got new carpeting for the upstairs, but that shit needed a face-lift. Otherwise, I've done jack shit. Mrs. kkk on the other hand...
The highlight of her meddling came regarding our first-floor bathroom. I've mentioned before that she repainted this room from a pleasing brisk blue to a shit brown, and she did this when I was out of state for a few days on business. Of course she didn't get the project complete, so imagine my pleasant surprise when, after driving 5+ hours and having to take a monster poop, I ventured in the house and saw plastic all over the place and a ladder in the middle of the bathroom's walkway. Thank God for upstairs toilets. Oh, and here's said bathroom.
Now why would some do such a thing? One reason was so it would match our towels~! The second was so she could stencil this shit on the wall.
I may have talked about this before, but the search function is busted. If you heard this story already, blame Mole.
Why do I have no desire to make home improvements? I said above that I’m lazy, but there’s some probably some childhood trauma I have to consider, too. When I was a kid, my parents bought some big-ass three story house that my dad said they couldn’t afford. My mom busted out the tears and they got the house. I was a kid at the time, but this house needed a shitload of work, and boy did my old man work on this residence. I remember him remodeling the third floor and doing a bunch of stuff with paint, wires and other stuff that’s found inside of walls. What was his reward for all this? A divorce that saw my mom sell the house. Ouch.
11:45 p.m.
• Some of this stuff made me chuckle. That's all I got. Just Google the headline if you want a source.
8:30 p.m.
• So this weekend I saw some MSNBC pseudo-“To Catch a Predator” thing that dealt with child sex shops in Asia. Holy Christ was that messed up. Eight-year-olds promising blowjobs you’d like or your money back. Funny thing was they busted some guy from Oklahoma. He was giving the undercover guy there some “tips” on how to get away with banging kids, and when he was confronted on this back in the States (actually, it was Guam but whatever) you could see his face turn pale once he found out he was busted. Anyway, after this show was some “American Runaways” show, where these idiot teens were homeless, despite having ample opportunity to get housing. My favorite was some trans-sexual/gender who got booted out of her government-funded apartment because he/she couldn’t follow the rules. You know, oppressive things like get a job interview, visit a food pantry and not bringing Johns back to the pad for prostitution. And I’m supposed to feel bad for these people?
12:30 p.m.
• So we went to see Ron White last night. Eh. Why the hell were people laughing at material he has already sold on millions upon millions of DVDs? Oh well, if it makes them go home happy, then so be it. Actually, there were several events that happened earlier in the day that made me laugh even more than the two hours I sat at the Benedum Center.
Before leaving for this event, Mrs. kkk and I were watching some house show where several people buy houses and the former owners talk about what they liked about their houses and the new owners talk about all the wholesale changes they are going to do to said living residences. This episode centered around several people from New Jersey. Enough said. Jesus were these people annoying. But what got me laughing was that some of these families were getting their houses and making serious changes to it. I’m not talking about a new carpet here and a new paint job there. This one family totally flattened the second floor to the two-story house they purchased. My question is if you’re going to do this kind of remodeling, wouldn’t it have been easier to just find a different house? This couple bought the house for $500,000 and they had a $150,000 budget to remodel. You know what I would do with a $150,000 budget to make remodeling adjustments? I’d buy a big television, PAY OFF my house and put the rest of the money in the bank. Oh well, it’s not my money.
After watching this show, we left for downtown Shittsburgh for dinner. Mrs. kkk took me to the Hard Rock Cafe – the first time I’ve ever been in one of these. Overpriced food, but whatever. This was her plan. What was funny is that she made reservations so when we got there we only had a 5-10 minute wait. While waiting, there were a handful of groups, ranging from 2-8 that tried to get seated only to be told there was an approximate 30-minute wait. Uh, people, this is a SATURDAY EVENING in one of the more happening parts of an urban center. Do you expect to get immediate seating? The best moment came with the family of 8 learning that there would be a considerable wait and the husband/dad threw his arms up in the air. Yeah, that’ll do something. Jackass. There was another group of young people who must have been doing something homecoming-related that went in and out in a matter of minutes. Seriously, RESERVATIONS. They are your friend.
10 p.m.
• This is why I didn't major in math.
9 p.m.
• The hell's wrong with people.
• So I guess the lesson here is if you bust black people breaking the law, you're a RACIST.
4:30 p.m.
• Gee, you can’t tell this dipshit used to be a high-ranking politician.
Jimmy Carter flexing his muscles. Weird.
• So I was listening to Mike and Mike this morning, and the skinny Jew was bitching about the MLB playoff games being on TBS because that means some kid whose family didn’t have cable couldn’t watch the games on television. That’s what a radio is for. Besides, I remember a few years ago there was bitching about the games being on too many stations – FX, some family channel, TBS (I think). So shut the fuck up already. Having today’s games on TBS is fine. And if some poor family can’t afford cable, they should be working more anyway. Poor people piss me off.
4:15 a.m.
• Better late than never I guess, you academic asshole.
• Earlier today I watched ESPN's college football show for the first time. I might watch future episodes. My favorite part was the sign in the background that read "Lou Holtz for Prethadent." Man that's cold. "O.J. stole my tickets" finished second, but I've watched too many wrestling shows in my lifetime that had similar signs in the crowd. I hate to say it, but for the past year or so I've gotten more interested in watching college football. I don't actually care about any of the teams (although I wanted Texas to beat USC a few years ago), and the fact there's no official playoff system makes these contests nothing more than exhibition games, but in regards to just to "watching football," it's been a surprisingly enjoyable experience.
8:45 a.m.
• So recently some college football coach went off on a columnist for writing a mean column about his one player.
Here’s the column in question.
I’m rather indifferent on if the coach should have called out this columnist – the PTI boys didn’t approve (wonder why). However, I will say this: Whenever these stories pop up, and the argument of “OMG the reporter has a right to free speech,” doesn’t the coach or representative from the team have a right to call out the writer? It’s hilarious to witness, whenever an incident like this happens, how the reporters in the room just stand there and take it, and even though their expressions are not shown on camera, I’m sure many of them have a deer-in-headlights-look. It would be great if a journalist would just respond back, “Yeah I wrote that – prove me wrong, bitch.” Hell, get up on stage with your accuser and have a field day. Now that would make for great television. On a somewhat related story, I remember last year Tony Kornheiser got all pissy when some in the media bashed him for his "Monday Night Football" announcing early into the season. I agreed that it was a bit too early to say he was terrible at this, but is it still "too early"? Amazing how critics/commentators have some of the thinnest skin.
Having read this column, all I have to say is that if a reporter is gonig to say things like "If you believe the rumors and the rumblings...", "Word is...", "Other times, though, Reid has been nicked in games and sat it out instead of gutting it out," then you better have the evidence to back this up. Otherwise, get ready to defend yourself. At least she was able to prove that this quarterback does get the jitters before games.
Oh, and here's the best part of this whole story. From the AP.
• The starting U.S. goalie in the women’s world cup thing got benched for some chick who played good against Brazil several years ago. The starting goalie, Hope Solo, then bitched about being benched after America lost 4-0 and trashed her coach and teammate.
Solo had no reason to be benched due to her play. Now there’s the “she’s a whiner/threw team under the bus” talk, but in this case I don’t blame her. She was probably still pissed from losing, and to make matters worse she had to watch the carnage while sitting on the sideline. If I was her teammate (outside of perhaps the goalie who replaced her), I’d rather have her get pissed off over this than just sit there and say the usual “oh, it’s OK we’re a happy team go U.S.A.” crap.
10 p.m.
• Earlier today I went clothes shopping at Kohl's.The last time I bought more than one article of clothing at a time was several years ago, so I don’t do this often. However, I think I may start stopping in more often after having paid a visit to the clearance rack. I wanted to get a new interview outfit (or two), and I did at a great discount. I don’t consider myself a finicky shopper, but when it comes to clothes I really don’t like going anywhere else but Kohl’s or Sears. The brands comfortably fit and are worth the price once a sale starts up. Two dress pants, two belts, two dress shirts and a dress shirt/tie combo – about $115 total with a retail markup savings of $160. I’m sure all this actually cost about $5 to produce, but whatever. Like I said before, it fits and the quality is good.
Afterward, we got a new comforter for Mrs. kkk – at 30 percent off of course ($70 down from $100). She then asks me the question of the week, “Will this comforter be warm enough for you?” Uh, you’re the one that always bitches about being too cold. She then asked what size we should get – the king or queen. Having no clue what size we currently use, she said that the one currently on our be is a king, even though our bed is a queen size. I then opted for the king comforter. Christ, we fight over the covers enough as is – actually, it’s not much of a fight as it is her trying to push/loosen my grip on blankets during the middle of the night. I can’t imagine what carnage a smaller comforter would produce.
5 p.m.
• So yesterday I was driving home on the parkway and this truck was in front of me. The truck had some pipes/wood planks/something tied to the roof. Didn’t look too stable. Because of this I gave the truck some space between us. I was hoping this way in case something flew off at me I’d have enough time to react and get out of the way. Well, the driver behind me did the “OMG WTF” gesture. What is wrong with people. It’s not like I was going 30 mph. I was still going just over the speed limit – there was just a car length or two between me and this truck. I would have been more than happy to let this person go between us, and I would laugh when one of the planks flew threw his windshield and crushed his larynx.
7 a.m.
• So on the drive to work this morning I drove behind this care with the bumper sticker "I miss Clinton." Hey, I give credit where it's due –– it got a laugh out of me. However, I think the laugh was less about that bumper sticker than the new, catchy bumper sticker slogan I had just then thought up in my mind.
"I missed Clinton" with a sniper's scope replacing the dotted i's.
Then again, seeing how this family threatens to sue people that hang their daughter's picture up in a restaurant...
... if I actually produced this kind of ingenius hilarity and you don't read any new entries from me in a while, check for me at Ft. Marcy Park.
8:45 p.m.
• I was never really a Britney Spears "hater," and it's pitiful to see what she has done to herself over the last few years. I also don't get this joke by Sarah Silverman at some award show she did.
Mistakes? If memory serves she squirted both out while married. Now granted the "mistake" was getting married and not getting ready to take on the challenges of parenthood. However, to call these two kids "mistakes" is just not funny. And this is ME who's saying this!
8:30 p.m.
• So I was reading one of my favorite threads -- 1000 Reasons Why ESPN Sucks -- and found this gem from a few days ago.
Well, Ol' Mikey sure can't call Vince a RACIST~! I was already a Vince Young fan. This only solidifies it even more.
2:45 p.m.
• Figures. The one job interview I actually wouldn’t have minded a “don’t call us we’ll call you” response from called me for a second round. Do I really want to do this? Sure I hate the assholes I work with, but I love what I do. How do I know that the work I do at another place will feel just as rewarding? How do I know this place’s management won’t be as bad or worse? Jesus, this is what Stockholm Syndrome must feel like to those abducted by the Mohammads of the world. Perhaps I can make my current situation work out. Perhaps there is a light to the end of this tunnel. Perhaps…
Hmm, what’s this? A CD-Rom full of stuff that I have to work on from the idiot boss is my mail slot. It wasn't there when I left work yesterday but was in there when I got in this morning. Oh, what’s this? The creation date for these files is dated more than 10 days ago. Oh, what’s this? An e-mail from a co-worker telling me the idiot wants to know when these will be finalized because they should have been done yesterday.
...
So my second interview is for Friday at 8:30 a.m.
9:45 p.m.
• Sonofabitch. I donated $10 for some fundraiser helping homeless animals, and this raffle was to use numbers from yesterday's "Big 4" state lottery. Two of my eight raffle numbers had "3" and "4" matching up, but that's it. Boo-urns.
• He wasn't checking out child porn. He was ... scouting.
• My God is the lip-synching for "Monday Night Football" terrible. The players introducing their teammates is so off.
1 p.m.
• Yeah, but we'll ask him the TUFF QUESTIONS!
Good God what a joke. I can only pray that this wacko is just scouting out the best spot in America to let off a nuke. Hey, Ahmad-whatever, there's some primo real estate over in Berkley if you're interested.
• Well, Toyota, expect to get a better market share after this gets played out.
7 p.m.
• Oh for Christ's sake, they're going to be dead soon anyway. Let them enjoy their snacks.
“No, Mrs. Johnson. Don’t eat that pastry – we want you to live another 10 years just so we can change that many more diapers.”
Funny story: whenever my grandma was still alive (dad's side) and still had her wits about her, my old man would always sneak candy in for her. Hell, she had no teeth -- a piece of chocolate would keep her busy for hours.
12:30 p.m.
• More wedded bliss. It’s getting to be that time of year when the air conditioner and windows alternate. If it’s humid out, the AC comes on. If no, then we open all the windows. One problem is if the windows are open overnight, it could get hella cold in the morning, much to the chagrin of Mrs. kkk. When it gets time for bed, she always tells me to close the windows to the second floor of our house. I don’t know how this equates into a cold house, but whatever. Anyway, she bitched about it being cold this morning and that I didn’t close the upstairs windows (I didn’t). I then commented to her that our two bedroom windows were wide open. Surely THAT could have contributed somewhat to our chilly living quarters.
• Oh God. James Brown on the CBS pre-game NFL show just did this mini-editorial about how we all don't know what it's like to be Donovan McNabb until we've walked a mile in his shoes, or some shit like that. He added something about having an open dialogue with this shit. You all should know my opinion on this matter by now, so it's not worth rehashing it again.
• Speaking of racial harmony.
I don't know what's worse: The fact I have to do 10 more of these or the fact I've already done 92 of them. Who's left? Who's gong to be placed where? Oh the drama...
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 10: Jobber of the Week
What I like about Jobber is that even though he’s for oodles of commie shit, he tends to be more sensible when the socialist utopias (or Michael Savage fans) creep up in his neighborhood. I wouldn’t consider Jobber a limousine liberal because a limo lib would want everyone to drive on solar-powered cars with lawn-mower engines while they fly around on private jets to and from trans-Atlantic weekend getaways. Jobber just doesn’t want the invaders to get driver’s licenses. And if he would be as fiscally responsible in Congress as he says he is at TSM, then I wouldn’t mind if some of his treasonous ideas got through the cracks. Besides, he has posted many a picture that was worth 1,000 posts. This would be the point where I bust out the “Tecmo Bowl’d” graphic, but sadly it’s no more.
6:15 p.m.
• Uh-oh. Didn't we learn anything from the Mohammad cartoons from a while back?
Translation.
* Boy, what is your name?
- My name is Babu.
* It is customary to mention Muhammed before the name.
* What is your father’s name?
- Muhammed Abu
* What’s this in your lap?
- Muhammed cat
You know who really gets pissed when stuff like this happens? Yep.
Jihads for everybody.
6 p.m.
• Oh boy. Time for another crack-whore sister-in-law story. For those not keeping score at home, thanks to a lifetime of doing drugs and abusing alcohol, the crack-whore is now collecting disability and getting free health care, courtesy of our tax dollars. A few nights ago, the crack-whore visits my mother-in-law’s workplace begging for $50 so she can get a sling for her arm, which supposedly had something wrong with it. The mother-in-law kicks her out. The next day, the crack-whore comes in, her arm in a sling, and begs for $50 because her and her boyfriend need gas for the car. When the question of “I thought you needed $50 yesterday for a sling,” came up, the crack-whore’s one remaining brain cell went into overload. And the best thing about all this – she’s in her 40s~!
So the next time some left-wing faggot in Congress starts whining about DRACONIAN cuts against the POOR, just remember: If we don’t keep pouring more money into this Great Society of our, my crack-whore sister-in-law will be sling-less.
7:30 a.m.
• So I get lots of spam at work, and if I'm not being given sales pitches to claim millions in Nigeria then I am being told how I can enlarge my penis. I've shown some of these ads in the past, but once in a while you get a headline/message that's just as funny. Here's one from this morning:
7:45 p.m.
• So I was driving from work en route to pick up the better half, and I noticed this plane flying around with some banner attached to it. What was it? A picture of one of those cavemen with “Geico” printed. So a car insurance company is promoting itself by appearing in a way that will make motorists look up and away from traffic. Brilliant.
• Moron.
MikeSC was talking about this over at the other place, and I really don’t care. This douche brought it on himself. I say zap him some more. I love it when people go, “Don’t do anything/I’m not resisting,” but yet are resisting.
• I was in Target today and walked by the book section. There I saw Bill Clinton’s latest book titled “Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World.” What was the book next to his? I don’t know, but it was titled “Quickie.”
9 p.m.
• Well, so much for the "fire Ozzie" talk I have heard in the sports media.
I bet "Around the Horn" panelist Jay Mariotti loves this news. I bet he loves this web site even more. Wow. I mean, I goof on Racist Dusty, among others. But I haven't devoted a web site to these people. At least not yet.
7:45 p.m.
• So now there's some talk in the media about MTV losing it's appeal.
I can tell you the exact time when I said "fuck MTV." It was during a video awards show in the 1990s. The Beastie Boys'
was nominated for video of the year. What won instead? Aerosmith's
Seriously, WTF? I guess it could have been worse. That piece of shit "Everybody Hurts" could have won instead. I have nothing bad to say about "Heart-Shaped Box." I was indifferent to Nirvana back then, but I'll listen to them every once in a while today.
2:30 p.m.
• Today truly is a somber day for America. Collectively, we must all bow our heads in sorrow and never forget the evil that was unexpectedly thrust upon us.
But enough talking about the final season of “Charmed,” which get released on DVD today, and that godawful Billie character the writers created. A national tragedy indeed.
9:30 p.m.
• It's a shame Mark Madden wasn't on his ESPN radio show today. I was looking forward to his take on the Pats-spying-on-Jets story. Especially since it now has a Steeler angle.
Having remembered those championship games, it was more than "stealing signs" that got the Pats those wins. I'm still trying to figure out how they stole the sign for "returning a punt for a touchdown." Then again, it wasn't me that busted my ass all year for a chance at the Super Bowl only to get beaten twice by the same team. I'd probably be bitter, too. Hell, I'm bitter now.
Oh, and the Pats got off light, imo.
6:30 p.m.
• Boy it's a good thing Greg Oden stayed in college and didn't opt for the NBA and all those millions of dollars. Why, he could bring Ohio State a March Madness title!
Nevermind.
• I think there's a type-o in this article. It said reduce crime.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 11: sfaJack
After you think about it for a while, you realize there’s nothing really spectacular about sfaJack. But that’s not a bad thing. We all can’t be part of a fraternity, get arrested on a frequent basis, molested by uncles or have indy fed wrestling experiences. There’s a large number of us that have insignificant, boring lives. But that’s OK. It’s people like us that make this country work. If it weren’t for saps like sfa and myself getting up for work, paying taxes and keeping this economy humming, then Pedro wouldn’t be sneaking across the southern border to pick lettuce and Mohammad wouldn’t be sneaking across the northern border to blow up a commerce center. I mean, Jesus, I can’t think of a single thing Jack has posted that warrants reflecting on. But that’s OK. It’s people like Jack that make up the “silent majority” which have helped keep the commie faggots from trying to socialize every part of our lives, and I don’t mean socialize in a Myspace sort of way. I’m sure after a short while of wedded bliss, sfaJill will squirt out a few kids, and Jack will continue punching that timecard until his timecard gets punched out by the man upstairs. But that’s OK. We’re all on the job for a limited time, and because I still can’t think of one worthwhile thing Jack has posted, I dedicate the following to my kkk Bowl participant that always hits the glass ceiling come playoff time:
Well I can stand beside
Ideals I think are right
And I can stand beside
The idea to stand and fight
I do believe
There's a dream for everyone
This is our country
Now I’m going to go and say
Some left-wing hippie shit
Because GM won’t bother to promote
This verse one little bit
George Soros is my hero
And Hitlery gets me hard
This is our country
From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
To the Great Society that got washed out
This is our country
Here’s another stanza
That will go unheard by Chevy
And now it’s time for my ideology
To get real hot and heavy
And I love Blacks and Gays and Latinos
As long as they don't move next door
This is our country
From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
To the Great Society that got washed out
This is our country
The dream is still alive
Some day it will come true
In 2008 it’s a real possibility
To folks like me and you
So take the underclass to the polls
And promise them free cheese
This is our country
From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
To the Great Society that got washed out
This is our country
And if you don't understand what you read above, then you don't read many of my posts do you, Abdul?
4:15 p.m.
• Damn you George W. Bush. Next time you try to destroy a city, you better do it right.
• Wow. JaMarcus Russell is a genius. Sign a big-ass contract and get out of playing with the Raiders for as long as possible. Good job.
• I'm curious to see what the bad-ass commish has in store for the spying Pats.
Hey, if you don't take surveillance on the opposition, the terrorist have already won.
• Ever have one of those days where you worked your ass off, looked back at quittin' time and thought, "What the hell did I just do for eight hours?"
12:15 p.m.
• I read about this in the ESPN sucks thread, but I just saw the first video teaser for this shit.
I wonder if some black kid just came up to Tom Jackson and ask if he could, someday, have his own NFL Countdown segment. I knew that running gag would eventually have some sort of payoff other than the hilarity it brings every time I use it.
8:30 a.m.
• Spoilerz 'n stuff ahead: I was in the mood to watch some shit yesterday, so I went into my OnDemand/DVR library and pulled out a few time-fillers. One was the "Hills Have Eyes 2." Not the crappy remake sequel. The crappy sequel to the first one made in the '70s. As I was watching this shit-fest, I wondered torward the end where the heck Ruby was. No way she could have died just from falling down and hitting her head on a rock. Yeah, I know in real life someone can actually die from that, but this is the f'n movies! People had their throats slashed, backs broken and harpoons shot through them. Falling five feet onto some hippie rock, especially since she was a carry-over from the first movie, is soooooo weak. Sadly, after going to IMDB, it appears that this is how she went out. Gay. At least the dog lived. I think Beast should get his (or is it her?) own spin-off.
Before watching this, I gave "Return of the Living Dead II" a look-see. I couldn't remember if I saw this one years ago or the first one. All I remember about that one is "Send... more... paramedics" and that the place gets nuked in the end. I have to say that I really liked this one. There's something to be said when a film knows its stupid and has fun with it. And Doc has been placed unusually high for a first-time viewing on my list of "characters I like." Great character.
8:15 p.m.
• And just how many farting cows had to be raised in order to provide beef for this global warming Big Mac deal?
Next thing you know, we'll be producing gas that takes more energy to produce than it provides in better mileage over other Big Oil products. Uh, nevermind. For those of you that didn't get the last sentence, don't worry. It was corny anyway.
8 p.m.
• So someone I know in Ohio sent me the following e-mail:
Knowing that clicking on any the links he gave me in his e-mail would make for some interesting reading, I did so. I wasn't disappointed.
My response to the e-mail first sent to me:
7:30 p.m.
• So I was flipping through some channels today and came across a preview for some program that was done shortly after 9/11. The preview said something like, "provocative movie directors from around the world talk about the effects of the terror attacks on America.” Who was the director featured in this preview? Sean Penn. Wow, what a shock. This special is being aired on the Sundance channel.
• "Around the Horn" talked about this today. And all the panelists were OUTRAGED at these comments made by Cincinnati radio talk guy Bill Cunningham.
Sadly, J.A. Adande echoed the first thoughts in my head as I heard this story: Thank God he didn't say this about Ken Griffey Jr. If so, he'd be a RACIST~! Whatever. It was probably an off-the-cuff comment. I've heard much worse.
3 p.m.
• So the brother of one of my co-workers died and she’s taking the week off to do funeral stuff. This brought about a discussion between me and my co-worker in the next office about company policy during a death in the family. I contended that a person could get the day off without pay in these matters while my counterpart thought that these days off are with pay. I asked another co-worker about this topic and figured that she would give use the correct answer since her father passed away a few years ago. Her answer was this: Because she “didn’t abuse” this benefit prior, my idiot boss said she got to take her father’s funeral day off WITH pay. This of course brings up the question of “abuse.” How does one abuse a benefit such as this?
“Boss, I need Monday off because my dad died.”
“You used that excuse six months ago when your mom died. No day off for you.”
Of course, when my grandma died earlier this year, I had to stay later than my scheduled half-day off (which I used sick time to fill in the remaining four hours of that shift) because my idiot boss has no management skills and asked me to drive to a nearby Kinko’s to price-check on something that has nothing to do with my job. Here’s how this gem of a chat went down.
“kkk, I need you to go to Kinko’s and find out how much this proposal will cost with and without binding.”
“But I’m going to my grandmother’s viewing service now. It’s at 1 p.m. and it’s going to take me at least 30 minutes to get there (note: the time was 12:30).”
“Can you do it real quick?”
Now normally I jump at the chance to stay away from my family, but not at the expense of mingling with this fuckwad. But in the end it all worked out. I saved a half-hour of sick time that I used elsewhere, I got a nice story that will be going into my eventual resignation letter that will be sent out companywide and I stayed away from my family for an additional 30 minutes. T’was a good day, tater.
Oh, and just to show I’m not being a paranoid asshole about my workplace situation (well, not as big a paranoid asshole as I already am), my co-worker recently attended this multi-day event as his job title dictates. Now all this guy put down on his expense report was mileage and hotel expenses. No food, drink or other miscellaneous costs. The day after he submitted his form, our one boss asked him, “In what capacity were you in attendance at this event?” What really makes this hilarious is that my co-worker deals in sales, and he’s never allowed to go anywhere. Well, he’s “allowed,” but he has to foot the bill for everything. This despite having a budget for this sort of thing that he’s not allowed to use. But to be fair, I have a similar budge for my department that I wouldn’t be able to tap into even with a sledgehammer.
7:30 p.m.
• So the better half was a bitch all day and whenever this sort of thing happens I just ignore it the best I can. Usually in these situations any guy will tell you that asking these headcases what’s wrong will get you the obligatory “nothing.” Then, hours later, they’ll do the usual, “honey, I have to tell you something.” Well, snookums, what is bothering you today – A loveless marriage? Not having any kids you can’t afford or will shake to death at the first sign of an all-night screamfest? One of the cats on a weeklong medication? Nope. She’s “uneasy” about going to jury duty tomorrow.
Oh Jesus Christ.
Look, jury duty is an abomination, but there’s nothing worth moping about for days prior to the event. You show up. You sit. You read. If you’re lucky, you go home. If not, you waste your time hearing some DUI case. I had the misfortune of being on a jury once. If you didn’t read the thread I posted in where I talked about my exquisite time performing this civic duty, here goes.
10:30 p.m.
• Zoo for you.
Translation: Some horse fucked an idiot to death. And when it was discovered that it’s legal to frolic with a barnyard animals in Washington, Larry Craig said, “Damn, I should have been a senator one state over.”
Oh, and did you know there is a Roadhouse 2 out there? From IMDB's trivia section:
My guess is that the script had Dalton V2.0 not cerebral enough.
10 p.m.
• So today we took JJ to the vet, which he wasn’t very happy about. Now whenever one of the kids has a vet appointment, we try to sit in a secluded area of the waiting room. Today we weren’t able to get “our spot” and had to sit with other people and pets. Now one trick I do which seems to work is when we’re situated, I open the door to their carrier. This way they aren’t “confined” but rather able to roam but choose not to due to the fact they are scared shitless because they are away from home. Actually, I do this more for my sanity because when that door is closed Dessa, JJ and Max won’t stop crying. Well, I noticed something rather stupid on this trip. We were sitting across from this lady with a golden retriever. Nothing major. Then this woman comes in with her cat and sits, in a near-empty waiting room, RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOG. The dog goes over to check out the carrier and the cat flips out, causing must bewilderment to the cat’s owner.
After we got JJ’s meds and took him back home, Mrs. kkk and I went shopping for some stuff. We stopped at Wendy’s for lunch, but the better half didn’t want to wait in line seeing how there were 10-12 people already in front of us. No big deal, I thought, for this reason: there weren’t any children. This is key. Why?
1) Some parents want their kids to order for themselves, much to the chagrin of the poor cashier who can’t understand what the brat is trying to say. The mom and dad think it’s cute. Fuck them. There’s other people waiting in line.
2) Kids get kid’s meals. When I worked fast-food I HATED these fucking things. Not only were many of the smaller portions more difficult to fill (Oh those small McDonald’s fry bags. Grrr.) but if you had to put together a box, those bastards would never fold right.
3) Most times when getting a family’s order together, the kids would be out of control, and the money transaction and getting these people out of line would be a pain in the ass because the parents could never effectively handle their end of the situation.
Turns out my theory was correct, for the most part. The line went rather smoothly, except for the old people that were complaining about something or other. Old people are a toss up. If there’s a gray-hair in line by himself, you might be in trouble because his conversation with the cashier might be his only human interaction for the entire day. Hey, grandpa, I don’t care if your family hates you. Shut the fuck up and go sit in your corner table where you look at everyone and wonder what happened to your measly existence. Now if the old person is with family, you might get away with minimal waiting. The only danger in this scenario would be if the old person has finished bothering the kids/grandkids and turns onto an employee with inane chitchat. Fortunately, this day wasn’t any of these cases.
On the way home we stopped at Kmart to get some cleaning supplies and charcoal. The cleaning supplies weren’t difficult to find, but I was having some difficulty getting charcoal. I asked this one employee who told me to go to customer service. I went to customer service and they told me to go to layaway (?). I went to layaway and they had this look of confusion as to why I would be directed to this part of the store. I shrugged and let her know the name of the CSR who passed the buck. After I got back with Mrs. kkk at the rendezvous point, she noted that she saw an empty shelf where the charcoal would have been all along. I figured as such. From my experiences, Kmart isn’t known for its ample supply of sale items. Ha, I remember back during my Middletown days this only lady flipping out because some advertised item was out of stock. This was around the time the big K announced bankruptcy, and this chick was screaming, “I hope you people go out of business!” No offense, but if you’re that devastated about not being able to get something from Kmart, then you got some issues. Then again, this is coming from the same person who once wished cancer on a bagboy so I’ll put down my briquette before I toss it through my glass front door.
10 a.m.
• I love it when libs in the States whine about how we should be more like those little socialist utopias in Europe. The government tax system. The government health care. The government transportation. The government immigration policy.
9:45 p.m.
• Well, today was “mow the lawn” day. It stopped being humid and I decided to take advantage of the situation. This was also the first time all year I bothered to crank up the ol’ BBQ. Holy fuck do my grills need cleaning. I know all that gunk makes the food more flavorful, but these things resemble stalactites more than ashy flavor-enhancers. Wait a minute: Is stalactites the ones that hang from the top of something, or is that stalagmites? Whatever, you get the idea.
• Hey, another story about how the South has the most fat people.
But this is what made me laugh.
What the fuck – Obesity policies? How exactly is there a “policy” for obesity? And all this time I thought it was people’s choices that made them fat. You know, the bad food, the laziness, the bad food. Can’t wait to see how Big Brother will try to make us all a little smaller. What they ought to do is treat fatties more like smokers and jack up premiums for those that break a sweat waddling to the nearby refrigerator for a between-commercials snack. Don’t like it? Then get on a treadmill.
2 p.m.
• Oh dear God. (Here's the
Sad thing if she went straight from high school into the workforce she'd make more as some exec's eye candy than I do at my job. Actually, she's probably a very smart girl. I think there's a good chance she got spooked for being in front of a national television audience and I think we're all being a bit mean to her. Why am I defending her? I heard she was 18 and figured I might have a chance to get this ditz on her knees, or better yet on all fours, and not get arrested. Because I'm sensitive like that.
• Sure I could talk about the Vick case, but why bother when you have this?
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick called in to complain about her lesser half’s small business, which doesn’t make any profit. The “nursery” brings in just enough money to keep the business running – that’s it. When asked what this man did before to support himself, the caller’s response was “he lives with his mother.” And that’s where this couple is living at this moment.
4:15 p.m.
• Mother fucker. Going into the last game of the season, my NCAA 05 team loses 15-14 against eighth-ranked Penn State. So long faux-BcS national title shot. At least I made the Orange Bowl, so I won’t be getting fired. What killed me this game was that due to injury I only had three starting wide receivers, which really hurt my passing game. Two field goals could have been prevented, and I’m still trying to figure out how that touchdown pass with 42 seconds left got through my secondary. Oh well. It’s not like there’s an actual bona fide champion in Division I college football anyway. I’m just pissed that PSU beat me. Oh, and the game said this was the GREATEST FOOTBALL GAME OF ALL TIME afterward, or something like that. Well whoopie f’n doo.
9 a.m.
• I think what I find the funniest about this latest invasion article is that the Mexican government doesn’t even want this person over in their country.
6:30 p.m.
• So I thought the worst was over today for my afternoon commute. I pick up Mrs. kkk in Shittsburgh, and this week all the pseudo-hippie college students come back to the big city. Traffic sucks for this week, but it wasn’t all that bad. Until today. Forty fucking minutes to move a mile or two from the Parkway to my exit. There was one positive though. Despite the several signs telling “thru traffic” to stay away from the right-hand lane, which was where the back up was occurring, there were people who stayed in the lane thinking there was congestion on the Parkway’s three lanes. It’s funny to see the faces on these motorists and the looks of disgust they give when they figure out that they spent the last 10 minutes idling for no reason because the right lane is full of college students trying to get off the Parkway. Then there are the bitches who try to cut in line. No dice, pal. That’s always fun to do, too. I’m laid-back when letting people in, but not in these instances. It’s assholes like these people which add 10 minutes to my 30-minute wait in the car. Fuck that. Thank God I'm taking Friday off so I only have to put up with this shit for one more day this week.
• Huh, Goldblum grew up around here. That's all I got.
Ha.
Is this a movie or something? I only skimmed through; the fact the article said it was going to be on Starz Cinema -- the hippie channel -- was all I needed to know. That and Starz Cinema is showing that movie thing about the Dixie Terrorists. Starz also has a "black" channel where all it shows is "Glory Road."
• Forget the fact that millions upon millions of tax money was spent on other things than bridge repairs -- it was PIGEON SHIT that did the structure in.
• I heard this on "Around the Horn" today.
OMG the NFL makes money off of beer ads/sales. So fucking what? I understand the point about fans getting drunk at games, but it has been years since I've attended a pro football game so I don't know if there is a "cut off" point where booze sales cease.
• And the point of this would be what?
I would put money on the T-Rex every time. And not only do you need to outrun the Tyrannosaurus, but you would have to do so enough to be out of chomping distance.
3 p.m.
• So this morning when my lunch cooler fell on the ground, splitting one of the yogurt cups inside, I said “fuck.” When my cell phone hit the road as I went to deal with said cooler (all while in the rain) I said “s’gonna be a bad day, tater.” I was right. I discovered this morning that the publication I produce was going to have an extra 600+ readers. After some digging, I discovered this was due to a computer error regarding some sort of update in our customer database that I was never made aware of. Oh was this a fun morning. At least when I went to explain the problem to the powers-that-be, there was nothing they could bitch about considering it was their fault we’ll be paying several hundred dollars more for this mailing than we should.
• N*gga plz.
• Remember that story a while back about these three teens getting robbed and killed in Newark, N.J. – yeah, I know, which crime; it’s Newark, after all. Turns out one of killers is an invader.
I guess he needed some quick money in-between the 20 jobs he works. They’re here in this country for jobs, after all.
8:30 p.m.
• Get over it animal-rights people. It's domesticated. It's not a tiger. Don't try to rehab it into its "natural habitat." Just let it do its thing on someone's property that's willing to adopt the animal.
Wait a second, JAIL TIME? My crack-whore sister-in-law has done much worse in her life than take an antelope home with her and stays out of the big house. Hell, my brother-in-law one time told some cops looking for the crack-whore that he would take them to her apartment so they could haul her off in cuffs. No deal.
8:15 p.m.
• So I watched “Alien” for the first time in years. Was better the third time around but I still like the sequel better. Hudson is one of my favorite movie characters, and if I were ever to go out like he did I’d want to also be busting out curses with every other word. However, “Alien” still pisses me off in the scene when the black guy sacrifices his life while the chick just sits there and screams. Bitch, run.
• After “Alien,” I tuned into the hippie IFC channel and saw the Henry Rollins show. After hearing his guest, Gore Vidal, talk for 30 seconds about how Republicans stole the ’04 election in Ohio, I laughed and changed the channel.
• I’m getting a rise out of those “viva Viagra” ads, but it has nothing to do with my junk. Who comes up with these ideas?
• You know, there’s some things that I just don’t want to know about.
7:30 p.m.
• With my state recently getting into the slot machine business, I can't wait until this starts and the shit hits the fan, so to speak.
Wha-? What are they supposed to do. Inspect every seat someone gets up from?
And he still went back in to play. Fuck are these people pathetic.
Man, and with Pennsylvania home to bunches and bunches of old people, there should be nothing but good times ahead.
• Hey Smues, if the thought of planning a wedding is too much, try this. It will be less painful.
7:15 p.m.
• Wow, so Michael Vick was fibbing when he said he had nothing to do with "Bad Newz Kennels"? I'm shocked.
One thing I've wondered about during this whole ordeal. Even if he never plays football again, he was in the midst of a $100+ million contract (and I'm not even talking about endorsements). If he ends up broke due to not being able to play football, he truly is a dipshit (not like he's one already).
3 p.m.
• As a follow-up to my 10:30 a.m. entry, I've been stealing Jim Rome's "ERRR" soundbite at work for a while now. Let's just say the job I took in 2004 isn't the same one as it is now. It's amazing one you agree to a wage how suddenly there were BONUS duties that weren't mentioned in the interview process. For a while I used the term "told" when describing something that wasn't in my original job description. This February, I was brought in to my head boss' office where he attempted to scold me for my over-use of the word "told" in that month's report. (I used the magic word 5 times in an 1,100-word report. Oh, and I also mentioned that the "assistant" I was to hire, who had to have a college degree, was to be paid no more than $8/hour. Funny enough, there were no takers.) Much to his surprise, I countered. Boy did I ever counter. See, when you have things like facts and the truth on your side you tend to be much more relaxed when people are attempting to besmirch you. Anyway, I was "forbidden" to use the T-word. Works for me. What do I do now? Let's see.
Me talking to a sympathetic ear: "It's funny how I was tol--ERRR 'instructed' to create these TPS reports when, during my interview, I was tol-ERRR ‘it was said to me’ that this wouldn’t be my responsibility.
Yeah, no more "told." That was a good idea there, chief.
10:30 a.m.
• Nice. During the first segment of Boortz’s national broadcast there was a caller talking about the topic of “Would you vote for a Mormon for president.” After a long conversation of “faith,” “understanding” and all that other touchy-feely crap, the caller answered the question. “Yes … if it means keeping Hitlery out of office.” She must read "KK's Korner" because I can't imagine anyone else coming up with such a witty, original name to describe the future POTUS.
10:30 p.m.
• So I just got done watching the new “Bad News Bears.” Sure it was pretty much the same as the old version, but actually it wasn’t all that bad. I’m not a huge fan of the first film, so I’m not going to go “OMG they changed it to make it all PC and shit.” In fact, it seemed like this version was more offensive. There were some things I thought were better in the ‘70s version (like how the chick ends up “losing” the bet with that Kelly kid), but on the other hand there were some modern-day gags I liked (the cripple catching the ball at the end was cute). Oh, yeah. And how can you go wrong with dialogue like this?
And I have no idea who Marcia Gay Harden was until this film, but damn was she a MILF, even for a lawyer.
One thing that struck me though was it would actually be cool to coach a team like this, if only because you could get some non-PC company to sponsor the uniforms. I’ve mentioned before that there’s this bar/restaurant down the street from me whose owner puts up this kind of stuff on his marquee all the time. His most recent line is something about getting wetbacks out of the country (don’t worry, commies, he hates W., too). I’d love to have him as my team’s sponsor. I’d let him put stuff on the back of the jerseys like…
Want to see more. Peep this.
7 p.m.
• He came. He saw. He stole elections. He shifted hurricanes to black neighborhoods. He sloppily constructed levees in said black neighborhoods. He made Halliburton billions of dollars.
I <{ Karl Rove.
