8 p.m.
• There are times I really hate TSM. After reading the Diablo III thread I got the urge to start playing my Diablo II characters. Goddamnit. Oh well, I always seem to quit once I get to Nightmare level, so let’s get to it.
I remember when the first Diablo came out I got it while living by myself in Sappy Valley. I had nothing better to do and the game was cheap and highly rated. I don’t play games on the computer because that’s what a game console is for. However, this was an exception. Besides, my Genesis was back at the in-law’s house ready for an Ohio trip. I played the game once or twice and it was good enough. After moving to Ohio and settling in, the better half noticed me playing it one night and inquired. Soon thereafter she was playing the game more than me. This of course made us HAVE to get the sequel. Then the expansion pack. Oh who am I kidding? I like playing the game, too.
This actually brings back another memory. Now although I said before I play 99 percent of my games in front of a television instead of a computer screen, Diablo is an exception to this rule. While I was in Ohio I noticed the Playstation Diablo title on sale at a used game store. I bought it and played the game with Mrs. kkk for about 20 minutes. Boy was it horrible. A few days later I went to sell it back. I wasn’t looking for a return. Hey, I made the purchase and didn’t like the product. The game itself wasn’t faulty. And this was a used game store after all. Well I went in and offered my wares. At first the sales clerk was excited – a little too excited – about seeing this Playstation game. Then he said he couldn’t buy this copy. Why? Because it was too scratched up and not up to the quality of store standards. Uhhhh, you SOLD me this game three days before in the SAME condition. I don’t use my CD/DVD/video game discs as Frisbees or coasters. The scratches didn’t come overnight. Amazingly enough, the clerk had no response to my “buy you sold me this game earlier in the week” response.
Where was I going with this? Nowhere. Big shock.
8:30 p.m.
• Here's one from the latest batch of pics I took from the camera an uploaded to the computer.
Of course over the last several months these three have been sleeping with us, which makes for some interesting sleeping positions. Dessa (pictured middle) usually camps out between the better half and I because she doesn't want to be near the other two. Max (far) will sleep on the other side of Mrs. kkk because he doesn't like sleeping by me because I tend to roll on top of him. One night he gave a yelp and ran away, which caused Dessa to chase him and hiss. This in turn made JJ run out and see what was going on. Pretty soon there was screaming across the living room; not what you want to hear at 2 a.m. Max also doesn't like laying on the bed sheets so the better half has to make sure he is able to lay on the comforter. JJ usually takes what's available -- meaning he has to sleep by me or next to Mrs. kkk and far enough from Dessa.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 75: Jingus
I didn’t interact much with Jingus until the great "MikeSC Banning (again)," when he said, much to my agreement, “This is bullshit ... Too many posters have been banned who in my opinion either didn't call for it or who deserve a second chance.” So Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at. I’ve spoken with him a couple of times since then, and he seems like an OK-enough person. He pops in from time to time; apparently he’s into the wrestling business (albeit on a scale considerably smaller than the WWE) and performs in some shows. If that’s what he wants to do then I say more power to him.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
• More fun times at the workplace. Remember a few days ago when I talked about those hippie inserts I made that my idiot boss ordered some stupid last-minute changes to, effectively halting the process of sending out thousands of quarterly statements? Well, last Wednesday I took the day off. Thursday I came into the office and said “what up” to our Marketing Director/Head Salesman. Now whenever I take a workday off I usually ask him the next day if anything exciting happened, and nine times out of ten the answer is “no.” This was that one in ten instance. A few months ago many of our investment options had their interest rates increased. The problem was that these rates weren’t updated on any of the quarterly statements that went out to our customers, and he had fielded calls all day from people who just received their statements that had the incorrect interest rate printed. And just to make things funnier, the correct rates were on that insert I created, so while that insert had the higher rates printed the actual statement, which shows account information among other things, had the lower rate. Awesome. And it’s only going to get worse when customers in neighboring states start receiving their statements. And guess whose fault it was for the incorrect rates? Yep. The same person who spent days pondering what font size he wanted the insert I made to be changed over to.
• For those that think Americans who vote against gay-marriage initiatives are extremist hate-mongers, go to India where it has been illegal for 145 years for one guy to bone another guy. My question is if this “crime” is punishable with up to 10 years of prison time, wouldn’t the promise of spending a decade in the penal system be an incentive for some gay men to come out of the closet?
• So the new president of Mexico was selected, not elected, according to the runner-up. Perhaps this wanna-be martyr should change his name to Lopez Obragore. I guess this guy shouldn’t feel too discouraged; in another few years I’m sure he’ll be allowed to run for a mayoral or congressional seat in California. Hell, that’s probably where most of his “disenfranchised” voters are anyway.
• Back when the World Cup started my predictions was to always go with Brazil, followed by the host country as a sleeper pick (which in this case would be Germany.) Well, at least the Germans made it to third place. Uh, yay. I guess. Oh, and go Italy.
• Every once in a while I get motivated and clean up the house, and this weekend was one of those times. I think what I hate most isn’t the actual cleaning; it’s knowing that in a few days the place will get shitted up again, making the point of the actual cleaning in the first place pointless.
• This past week the local grocery store had an uber-sale on pop: $4 for a 24-pack of Pepsi. Problem was that this store’s weekly sales go from Thursday-Wednesday, and Tuesday/Wednesday is when I do the grocery shopping, so the pickings were a bit slim for me when it came to picking Pepsi products. Due to a near-barren display, I figured what the hell and got a few cubes of Pepsi One and Diet Caffeine Pepsi; I haven’t tried either kind before. The caffeine free stuff isn’t too bad, but I think the “One” in Pepsi One stands for the number of cans you can drink before regretting your purchase. Oh well, each can cost me about 17 cents; I’ve made worse investments.
• There are a lot of red diaper doper baby judges, particularly five that sit on the High Court, but there are still some good ones out there. Like the one down below.
7 p.m.
• Poor Katie.
Ha, that "free speech" thing they started out with died. That's funny. Wait, dressing down for less criticism? Wouldn't it be the other way? Oh well. I'm glad the whole thing is going to shit.
• Well at least we know this wasn't a lover's quarrell.
9:30 a.m.
• Christ, the house was just cleaned on Friday and now Max, who is a longhair, is starting to leave his signature card all over the floor. Oh well, nothing he can do about it; cat’s gotta shed. Besides, he’s so darn adorable.
Of course, the clumps of fur could also be spots where he wrestled with JJ while I was sleeping. It’s actually quite amusing to see. As I have said before, JJ is actually a rather powerful cat, but this strength is wrapped up in a package of cowardice. He’ll run up to Max and made this gesture that he wants to wrestle and they’ll go at it for about five seconds until JJ jumps up and runs away. And JJ always likes to be the one on the bottom. Go figure.
9 p.m.
• So it’s official. My boss hates me. Why? Because for an upcoming business trip later this month she booked our flights. Guess where our connecting flight from Shittsburgh will be located?
Newark, New Jersey.
Guess where the connecting flight back home to Shittsburgh will be located?
Detroit.
I don’t think I’ll be leaving either plane.
• The better half’s test-tube kid-having welfare collecting cousin and her sterile Mexican husband 30 years her senior (Or is it junior? Either way, the guy’s about twice her age.) sent her one of those stupid chain e-mails where you answer a bunch of general questions. Under the question of “What’s the one thing you worry about most,” the test-tube matriarch typed, “Our house’s adjustable mortgage.”
Why am I not surprised.
• Damn.
Here's what I don't get.
Why bother with "other interests?" If you own a decent portion of the Steelers, that's just as good as having a winning lottery ticket.
11 p.m.
• Haven’t paid attention to the hippie Save-the-Planet concerts, but I figured someone would bring this up:
But that’s OK. Because it’s all for a good cause.
You know, Al, instead of holding hippie concerts to tell us all how to live our lives, I think your time would be better served answering your critics.
• This was also on Drudge, but what's better than the actual article...
...was the in the comment section after the article. El Duderino, my n*gga.
No, they don't have anything better to do. Dealing with domestic Islamic terrorists is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male.
2:30 p.m.
• So I went to bed at 3 a.m. after watching that Insomniac special hosted by David Attell. Wasn’t too bad, actually. I’d rank the performances as Giraldo, Attell, Rouse and … ugh … Cook. What is the big deal behind this guy? I’ve seen two performances from him and I think I’ve only chuckled once, maybe twice – but that was because two of my cats were wrestling in front of the television at the time. Anyway, I went to bed and woke up at 1:30 p.m. today: a ten-and-a-half hour nap. Haven’t had one of those in a while. It brought back memories when I was living in Sappy Valley.
I lived at that shithole from January ’99 through August of ’00, and for my last several months I had an apartment to myself. The future Mrs. kkk went back home after she graduated from Penn State to work for a few months, and I stayed because I had steady work and it was easier to do that than go back to the Shittsburgh region, look for work for three months, and them move again to Ohio, which is where we were headed for that August. I worked 60+ hours/7 days per week, and there were several days when I put in 12+ hour shifts. There were some days when I got in and slept for 17 hours straight. And it was great. Christ, when you awaken from one of those slumbers you feel like you’re ready to take on the world.
Oh, yeah. Here was my Friday night. The test-tube welfare family I have talked about in the past stopped over for the first time to get our old screen door for their casa. And they brought their two test-tube kids. Gag. I’m sorry. I do not like these people. It mostly stems from the fact they purposely had two kids via artificial insemination when they do not have the money for this. Many people would feel bad for a family of four if they collected welfare because the dad and mom got laid off from their job, or an accident/illness befell one of them. However, these two people were on the public dole BEFORE heading off to the sperm clinic. (Note: Due to the seach function seemingly being out of order, I can't link up previous entries talking about these people to give some background info to any n00bs reading.)
Anyway, it was funny to see their reaction to our house because they were AMAZED at how nice it was. Yes, these people own a HOUSE. A house, which I learned last night, needs ductwork because the previous owner built new shitty walls to cover up the shittier walls from prospective buyers. Oh, yeah. The previous buyer didn’t install any new ventilation ducts to allow the hot air from circulating throughout the house; basically, the hot air just stayed in-between the two walls. The test-tube family didn’t realize this and just kept turning up the heat this past winter, resulting one month in a $700 bill, which I’m sure the taxpayers footed the bill for. Their house also has, according to the better half, uneven floors that allow someone to roll objects from tables and countertops with no effort. There were a few other fix-em-ups that this piece of property needs, but I can’t remember what they were. I guess those $300 mortgage payments (which they are several months behind on) proves the adage, “you get what you pay for.”
So as I sat there listening to them talking about how the matriarch of this family can’t work more than two days per week or else they wouldn’t be able to get welfare, I was doing everything I can to not include any commentary of my own. What job does this person work? She cleans her aunt’s house (the aunt whose house I attend every Memorial Day for that annual family cookout), and by “cleans” I mean “sits down all day and watches television with the rest of the public assistance leeches.” Then I heard that they were thinking about bringing a THIRD human being into this world. Oh hell no. Keep watching the Braves game, which was on to keep their kids somewhat distracted, and this will be all over with soon enough. WTF? The White Sox game was 20-14? Back to reality, the younger of the two kids says, something that struck fear into me.
“Daddy, I went poopie.”
OH HELL NO! With as droopy as that diaper of hers is, you get that brat out of this house. Sure my three cats will launch the occasional turd from one of their litter boxes and bat it around on the floor, and Dessa will infrequently pee on the carpet sometimes just to be a bitch, but they're cats. And, more importantly, they're my cats and are much less maintenance overall than a fledging human being. When these people finally left, with the screen door tied down to the top of their car and the glass part placed in the back seat (which is where their two kids were also sitting), I grabbed the can of Oust from the bathroom and started spraying the living room. Mrs. kkk and I then exchanged the following words. Figure out who said what yourself.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting the ‘poor people’ smell out of our house.”
“That is so not right.”
“Then why are you laughing?”
6:45 p.m.
• So yet another de-maculating moment, I was shopping with the better half for a few suits during the Fourth of July. Mrs. kkk was going on her third interview with this one place and was paranoid that with her two professional suits someone would recognize she was already recycling outfits. (Or was it her fourth interview? Depends if you count 15-minute phone screens.) So as we browsed several department stores, we stumbled upon some sales from JC Penny’s and she found this nice suit for $75. Our jaws both dropped, but for different reasons. Guess who is who below.
“$75?! That’s a lot of money!”
“Are you kidding?! You better get this … NOW!”
Now guess who was who? My quote was the second one. Yep, me. Jew boy. Telling Mrs. kkk to spend $75 on an outfit. Why was I getting wood over this deal? Because the suit retailed for $200. After I showed her the “normal” price, she couldn’t believe how expensive work clothes were. I then realized I knew more about WOMEN’S FUCKING CLOTHING than she did. Good Christ shoot me now.
Why did I know more than her on this subject? Because my mom, before she lost her mind while in Jesus school, used to work in the corporate world and I remember seeing the price tags on some of her threads. So when the better half began pondering the cost of female business clothes we took a trip to the Macy’s store – where $300 work outfits are the norm. That brought her back to reality. And we also got her another $200 suit for $40.
8:30 p.m.
• W, I voted for you twice and all but come on. Make the late-night comedy writers earn their paychecks.
8:45 p.m.
• Having seen the NBA All-Time Draft participants post team summaries, I figure I might as well get off my backside and do the same.
Starting 5
Shaquille O’Neal – C
Nate Thurmond – PF/C
Alex English – SF
Clyde Fraizer – PG
David Bing – SG
Off the Bench
Jeff Hornacek – SG
Bill Laimbeer – PF/C
Terry Cummings – PF
Doc Rivers – PG
Doug Christie -SG
Dolph Schayes – SF/PF
Paul Arzin – SF/SG
Coach
John Kundla
My system? Hell, I don’t know. I’d probably focus on the front court, but depending on the matchup, I think I could compete with a guard-heavy opponent. If I need more scoring, I’ll bring in Hornacek and Cummings. If I need more defense, I’ll sub in Laimbeer, Schayes and Christie (Hornacek, too). Rivers is a solid back-up point guard. When it’s late in a game, Hornacek and Laimbeer are excellent free-throw shooters. And the last player on my bench is part of the Top 50 Players Of All Time Club.
Now there’s no way I would have assembled this team had I taken part in Cena’s draft. I’m sure I would have missed my turn a few times with the current work schedule I have. However, it’s fun to do something like this every now and then. Now the All-Time NFL Draft? Oh hell no.
For those that don't know what I'm doing, look at my entries over the last few days and figure it out yourself. Oh, and I'd add more questions, but for some reason the quote function gets all loopy after a certain number of times it gets used in one post, or at least that seems to be the case.
PART III:
Disagree.
Once again, the words used in this question are what did it for me. “Only” is too definite. Now if that word would have been replaced with “primary” I would be in the “agree” category. A company has to deliver a profit to its shareholders to survive, but I’m also a believer in rewarding those who got you there.
Agree.
They may not be as highly taxed as in previous generations, but I’m all about cutting taxes and a fan of a consumption-only tax. Of course it'll never happen, which is why I don't talk about it much.
Disagree.
The only reason I disagree with this is because the word “right” is used. If the statement read “Those with the ability to pay have the opportunity to higher standards of medical care” then I would be in agreement. Bad question.
Agree.
There is some question as to what “mislead” actually means. Should my State Representative go after Crazy Ray because I found a car dealership that offers lower prices than his “can’t be beat” deals? No. Should Ken Lay have been prosecuted for fucking over his employees and shareholders? Sure.
Disagree.
I don’t think it “requires” it, but I wouldn’t necessarily have a problem with its use. Once again, how these restrictions are used could be up for debate.
Agree.
Also the freer the people to make dumb choices and become slaves to Visa and Mastercard.
Agree.
I consider myself to be a pro-lifer. Wouldn’t make sense for me to say otherwise.
Disagree.
Yeah, I know. I’m a lackey for the Bush Administration. It’s just that if you question ALL authority then you have too much time on your hands. If a tanker spills over into a lake and a cop orders your to stay out of the water, I don’t think I’ll be giving him a hard time about his draconian demands of me.
Agree.
Depending on the severity of the crime, I’ll even recommend two eyes for an eye.
Agree.
I’d also include sporting facilities in this one, too. Now I’m not saying they shouldn’t be funded; just put the issue up for a vote or something and see if enough people in an area are willing to subsidize these thinngs.
Developing...
5:15 p.m.
• So let me get this right. I drive home from work. Now garbage pick up for me is Friday. Today is Friday. However, there are several holidays that, if they fall on a weekday, pushes back garbage collection back a day. One of these holidays is Independence Day. This means my garbage pick up is Saturday. This morning when driving to work, I noticed several houses on my street with their trash out. When I got back from work, the cans were there, but the garbage wasn’t. Hmmm. To solve this groovy mystery I called up the garbage company.
Me: Good afternoon, I was calling because I was wondering if there was a trash collection along 666 kkk Street?
Them: What day is your pick up?
Me: Today, but with this week featuring Independence Day, and this holiday listed on your card saying which holidays move back collection, I was double-checking.
Them: You collection will be tomorrow, that’s right.
Me: OK. The reason I called was that when I left for work several houses along my street had their trash out, and when I returned home the cans were still there but the trash was gone.
Them: That’s right. They left their garbage up to be collected.
Me: But you just said collection will be tomorrow.
Them: That’s right.
Me: Huh?
Them: We collect it both days. It’s easier that way.
Me: Uh, OK.
So in order to make it easier for the trash collectors, they have to drive two routes for two days to collect garbage from neighborhoods that are told not to put out their trash until a day later than normal? Well if it works for Waste Management, then it works for me. I always wondered how they dealt with holidays.
12:45 p.m.
• Whew. I'm glad Burger King is getting rid of those dangerous trans-fats. Now I can eat my triple whopper with cheese value meal without fear of it being bad for me.
• Remember yesterday's entry when I said my trip to the zoo was blocked off by a parade? It wasn't.
I guess I should feel bad and ponder my own existence in this crazy world, but I don't. Hey, you didn't have to hear the better half bitch about not being able to see the tiger cubs on the drive home.
• I wonder if you get an STD from this if you can claim workman's comp, or whatever they do over there.
9 a.m.
• So yesterday I had to go to this wedding reception for some chick whose the daughter of some uncle-in-law that I have only seen once in my life. There goes my Saturday night. Whatever, like I was going to do anything in the first place. Here’s one thing I noticed. All the young, single people who are probably in the courting stages of their relationships were all dressed up – especially the women of the group. However, the older couples who have been together for a while were MUCH less dressy. Sadly, I fell into the latter category. I wasn’t wearing jeans, but there’s no way I’m wearing a suit and tie at the local fire hall. Oh, here’s another observation. When the bride and groom were doing their first dance, all the bridesmaids were looking intently with sobbing eyes. The groomsmen? They were just standing in the corner drinking beer and talking to each other totally not paying attention to this moment. That just about sums a lot of things regarding the difference between men and women, doesn’t it?
Thankfully, everyone was getting drunk so Mrs. kkk wanted to leave early. She said everyone was acting abnoxious. I didn't notice, but whatever.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 76: Your Paragon of Virtue
He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing. He seems to be interested in the wrestling/fighting topics of this place, which I generally stay away from (although he's not a Raw fan anymore). He tried his hand (and voice) at TSM "radio," and didn't do that bad a job. While a commie, we do share some common ground. We both think Britney Spears is a "slut" for having kids after marriage. We also agree Marshall Faulk was a better running back than Emmitt Smith. But most importantly, we two prudes don't find this all that appealing.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Cancer Marney:
Below is Part II of my journey with the Political Compass just to find out where in that broad spectrum I land -- am I just a notch below Hitler or to the right of George W. Bush? Place your bets now.
PART II:
Agree.
Sure America’s poverty levels aren’t quite the same as the rest of the world’s, but I fear the tax rate that will befall me should the white, ghetto and burro trash ever unite for one common cause. Better to keep them angry at each other than focused on evil suburbanites like myself.
Agree.
Yeah, it’s nice to have a job. But it’s even nicer not to have to spend a day’s paycheck on a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.
Agree.
As much as I like libertarians, I don’t buy their notion of “End regulation because when a factory dumps sewage into the local river, they’re dumping it into THEIR river, too!” Now we can debate as to how much regulation should be conducted on said factory, but that's not the question at hand.
Disagree.
The only reason I don’t add the “Strongly” before this answer is because the question includes the word “fundamentally,” which tells me the questioner is trying to say that this idea would work in Happy World, where everything is pure and good. This ain’t happy world. Every idea looks good on paper. Having it work in the real world is a different matter altogether. For some reason I'm taken back to that South Park "hippie" episode where a doper says something like, "Yeah man, we ought to live together in one big community. There could be one person just make the bread for us all," to which Stan replies, "You mean a baker?"
Disagree.
Years ago I may have tended to agree with this one, but hey, if you don’t like the taste of your water, then let the free market be your guide. Besides, we’re always bitching about how fat our kids are. Maybe instead of buying them a can of Pepsi at the Quickie Mart, a bottle of water might be a better purchase. And what about if there’s a water main break in your neighborhood? Thanks to this thing called capitalism, you can go out and buy a gallon or two of H2O at a decent price to tide you over until your drinking water becomes sanitary again.
Disagree.
Not only should land be bought and sold, it should be fought over, too. However, one thing land shouldn’t be is taken by your government thanks to five red diaper doper babies from one private owner to be given to another private owner just because that person claims he can generate more tax revenue from this land, thus contributing to the “greater good” of the community. Come on Ginsburg and Stevens, retire those old asses of yours before 2008.
Disagree.
It’s too bad that this is how George Soros got his wealth and power, but hey, such is life. More power to him for manipulating the system; too bad I didn't think of it first. If so, I could have made some really cool Group 527 political ads during the 2004 election.
Agree.
This is a tough one for me. I’m a peon of the free market, but because the word “sometimes” is used I’ll gingerly go to the “agree” side of this issue. Sometimes you might need to fight fire with fire, although both sides usually end up getting burnt.
Developing...
4:30 p.m.
• So Venus Williams beat her sister for another Wimbledon title. Yay and stuff. Actually, I am a fan of the Williams sisters. Well, as much as a fan as one can be by watching about an hour of women's tennis per year. And 10 minutes of this annual hour's worth was spent watching the women's title this morning.
• So what can a New Jersey Democrat politician do when his state government gets shut down and there are no Republicans to blame? I have no idea, but I want to know which group wants to starve children and poison the elderly: Newly elected governor Jim Corzine or the Democrat-controlled Congress? What’s funny is that the disagreement doesn’t seem to be over whether to raise taxes or reduce the size of government, but rather it’s about what taxes to raise. I heard on the radio that Corzine wants to jack up the state sales tax while his opponents want to raise taxes on other things, like car rentals and computers. But the real victims of this shut down aren't the children or the poor. It's people like Michael Trager who was playing a video poker machine at 7:50 a.m. when he was told to stop playing.
• After all the money spent convicting the guy, Ken Lay gets the last laugh by dying on us before serving hard time. I’m sure the joke of, “How can he have a heart attack when he doesn’t have a heart to begin with?” has already been written into late-night comedians’ scripts, so I won’t pile on. I am curious to know if some of the left-wing blogs and message boards have accused the Bush Administration of offing his one-time “Kenny Boy.” I’m not curious enough, however, to bother to look.
• And speaking of those who deserve to die, will some god up there (or down below, I’m not picky) strike these fucks down?
• Ben Wallace just signed with the Chicago Bulls for a shitload of money. As much as I like Detroit’s former “Big Ben,” and as much as I fear that ‘fro, I wonder if $60 million over four years is a good value for someone that has limited offensive capabilities and is awful from the free-throw line? I guess you could say the same about Shaq, but Wallace isn’t O’Neal sized. Speaking of the Bulls, the team might as well sign another free agent, this one for their mascot.
• Who says the Germans don’t have a sense of humor? If only there was some video of people who tried to kick these concrete spheres. Speaking of the World Cup, Germany and Italy are scoreless in the 90 minutes of regulation. They then go to one 15-minute overtime. In the second overtime, within the span of 2-3 minutes, Italy goes on to score two goals. You know there had to be people who watched the entire match, left the room to take a poop, only to come back and see Italy up 2-0.
• Yesterday the better half and I went to a cookout at her one friend's parents' house. Well, Mrs. kkk went because her friend invited her; I just came for the grub. Hey, when there are free burgers and hot dogs to be consumed, who am I to say no? Actually, I have a deep respect for the father of this better half’s friend. The guy has a bunch of small/side businesses, and he has no qualms with screwing over his own blood to make a buck. It’s awesome enough this guy’s gas station has been featured in the local media from time to time as being the most expensive place to purchase gasoline, but that’s not all. Down the street from his house, this guy owns a daycare center that his daughter (Mrs. kkk’s friend) operates. Along with tending to legions of rug rats, the guy’s daughter also balances the books and does all the everyday things not expected of a child-care attendant. And what does he pay his daughter for all of this dedication? Less than $15,000/year. On top of that, this guy has refurbished his house’s basement to make it a stand-alone apartment and charges the same daughter rent of more than $350/month to live down there. While the better half can’t stand to see her friend used like this, I am in complete and utter awe at the awesomeness of her friend's father.
While most people at this cookout were family members, there was another couple the same age as us that we know through Mrs. kkk’s friend. I have nothing against this couple, but from what I have heard the husband is a real piece of work. Some highlights include taking his household’s savings, going out on a weekend trips without telling his wife where he's at, then returning without saying where (and what) he had done. Apparently, he also had been cheating on his wife, but I don’t know whatever became of that. Anyway, I heard he had been recently laid off from his job, and during our conversation yesterday he brought up how he was getting two weeks paid vacation for no reason and was looking to get another job within this company to another part of the country, more specifically being on the fast track to the organization's Hawaii facility. Rather than call him on this, I just let him live in his dream world. After all, for people that have nothing but their fantasies and delusions, taking these away from them can sometimes be a life-crushing ordeal. Besides, it’ll be nice to see him again down the line and ask how that transfer went.
6:15 p.m.
• So how was my Fourth of July? From Monday:
Better Half: “Let’s do something for the Fourth.”
Me: “Let’s not.”
“I want to go to the zoo.”
“Why? You’re going to the zoo next week with the niece and nephew.”
“I want to see the baby tiger cubs.”
“We have three cats.”
“We’re going.”
So on the way to the zoo, we find out that the main road to get to said animal hangout is shut off, probably for some hippie parade. We took a side road and hoped we could end up somewhere near the zoo. Did I mention the Shittsburgh zoo is located next to fucking ghettos and shit? Well, after a few turns we weren’t in Kansas anymore. I wished we were in Kansas. There would have been much less black people giving us thug looks and eying up our phat rims. We decided to turn around and backtrack, hoping we could get one of the fine city’s public servants to let us know what the hell to do. Well, when we got back to where the zoo road was shut off, we realized that now even MORE of the road was closed, and the officers were less than helpful. We took a road that we knew and go on during our daily commute home from work. As we were driving this road we noticed there was quite a bit of smoke a few blocks down from us. Mrs. kkk then said…
“Are they having a barbeque?”
No. They’re having an accident. A really bad one. I have no idea what happened, but some car was plastered against a telephone pole, and some young white guy was lying on the street. There was a crowd, lots of screaming and an old, white cop trying to direct traffic. Oh, and the totaled car was on fire. The cop asked if we had a fire extinguisher. We didn’t. Then we came to a familiar sight. A few weeks ago, this house was hanging a banner, accusing some guy named George Hall of stalking. Well, the banner was taken down a little while ago, but now it was back up.
Apparently, the guy is back to stalking.
Mrs. kkk was still hell-bent on going to the zoo, so we took the Parkway and tried getting to said zoo in this direction. Well, guess where we ended up? Yep, right back to that shut down road, except this time even MORE of the road was closed. Pissed off, we retreated back to suburbia and decided to see a movie. What was the movie? The fourth Die Hard film.
Now I’ve made some comments in the Die Hard thread about my concern for the PG-13 rating. After all, the suckitude that was “Alien v. Predator” achieved a similar rating when it should have been made to appeal to an R-rated audience, but whatever. I went with Die Hard because that was the longest-running of the available films and I wanted to get my money’s worth (a Jew to the end, I know). I’ll tell you what, how the hell did this get a PG-13 rating? Now I could talk about the actual movie and my thoughts on the fourth installment in the Die Hard series, but it’s so much more entertaining to talk about the animals I had to share the same building with for these few hours.
Let’s start with the fellow Die Hard movie-goers. Now this cinema was packed, which isn’t surprising considering the Fourth of July. However, what makes this aggravating is that all the sheeple just stand around the one or two ushers who rip tickets waiting for their movie to start seating. This of course prevents anyone from getting through to see their movie, which is already seating. And of course, there is an ELECTRIC MARQUEE on the wall TELLING people which movies/times are currently being seated and which others aren’t quite ready for seating yet. NOBODY LOOKS AT THIS BOARD! It’s not that hard. Oh, there’s “Die Hard.” Oh, there’s 4 p.m.. Oh, there’s “Now Seating.” Get the fuck out of my way people. Actually, I didn’t bowl over these old people in my way because I gave them a warning when I said out loud to Mrs. kkk, “So do you want to lead in the plowing efforts to get to our movie or should I do it this time?” The old people in front of me wandering around in small circles got the hint and parted to the side. The usher ripped our tickets and said, “Down this hallway. Fourth door to your left. It’s the one without a marquee on because it’s broken.” As we started walking down the hall, I heard the usher say the same thing to the people behind us. Mrs. kkk decided to go to the bathroom and I stood by the Die Hard auditorium door waiting for her. While waiting, several groups of people strolled by with a look of confusion. Yep. They didn’t pay attention when the usher said the Die Hard marquee was down. The better half re-emerged and two separate groups of people asked us where the 4 p.m. Die Hard feature was. Mrs. kkk pointed to the auditorium and said the usher told us it was the one with the broken marquee. Each time the people replied, “Well he didn’t tell US that.”
Oh bullshit. If there’s one thing I know it’s that movie patrons are among some of the dumbest people out there. Once an usher rips their ticket the customers zone out and pay no attention whatsoever to whatever the employee says after that. The better half said to me that when she was in the ladies room, someone was complaining to her about not being told where the Die Hard feature was being played. Yeah. Oh, and when we got our seats I went back out to get a drink and Junior Mints. When I passed this poor usher to and from the snack stand, guess what I heard him say each time to customers.
“Down this hallway. Fourth door to your left. It’s the one without a marquee on because it’s broken.”
So the movie started after 30 minutes of commercials and previews. Look, I don’t really mind wading through previews and shit because that just gives people who showed up late the chance to find a seat before the film starts, but come on – don’t play the same commercials I see on TV on the silver screen. Can’t we be somewhat creative? Oh, and there were two previews to films dealing with the WAR ON TERROR. Christ, people go to the movies to escape this shit. The only saving moment came during some commie “Lions and Lambs” piece of shit that Robert Redford made where Tom Cruise, who I guess is playing some warmonger, says some line like, “If you *do something* the TERRORISTS HAVE WON.” This prompted me to say, “If you don’t come out of the closet, the TERRORISTS HAVE ALREADY WON,” prompting a snicker from Mrs. kkk.
The other highlight of the movie-going experience came afterward when I went to take a number one in the men’s room. After I was done, I returned out to the lobby hall and said the following to the two ushers who were just finished cleaning up the Die Hard auditorium.
“Someone just pooped on the floor in the cripple stool.”
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? And no, it wasn't me that did it.
3 p.m.
• So this sucker client asked my co-worker on Monday to transfer from her account $6,000 because she was having medical work done to her and needed the money by today. My co-worker placed the necessary form/parperwork on my idiot boss’ desk Monday morning at 10 a.m. because he has to see and approve EVERY transaction we make. He finally got around to reading this request … at 11 a.m. today. Bwahahahahaha.
• Would you believe this shit?
Al Gore Jr. was going 100 mph in a PRIUS! And just how much gas was wasted by him going vroom-vroom? The terrorists won this round for sure.
10 a.m.
• Wha-?
Perhaps the upset Frenchies aren't used to seeing one of their own jogging in Paris rather than away from Paris when the Germans come to pay them a visit.
11:30 a.m.
• So along with killing bugs yesterday something else monumental took place at the kkk household. The better half and I had to say goodbye to a longtime friend. This companion was with me during the times in my life when I needed assistance the most. Loved by my niece and nephew, he was always able to make them look forward to that day’s activity. And whenever we thought this mate was down and out, he would always surprise us with more get up and go. Who was this person? My crack-whore sister-in-law? A relative with Alzheimer’s? That crazy neighbor? Nope.
My 1988 Chevy Corsica.
Back in late 1999/early 2000 I was living in Sappy Valley and looking for a used car. The better half and I were using her red cavalier to get around, but I knew with an impending move on the horizon we needed two vehicles. I started looking in Auto Traders and other media outlets with no urgency. Then I got the call from my old man. “Do you want an ’88 Corsica?”
Hmm, I remember a few people from my past with Corsicas and they always seemed reliable. Sure, why not. I know jack shit about automobiles. At least this is better than picking out a vehicle because of its color. So I went back to the Shittsburgh area and got this vehicle for $1500. Go ahead and mock me for over-paying. I don’t know if I did or not. It was an older vehicle but had a bunch of stuff done to it. The guy who owned it got the car for his elderly mother and now she couldn’t drive it and he had no room at his place for another car. I guess I should have checked to see what nursing home he put his mom into, because if it was a rat’s den then maybe the brake-line should have been inspected prior to purchasing.
Eight months went by and this car was running with no problems. However, I wasn’t taking it on long trips. Just to work and back – all within a 10-minute drive or so from my second job. And before EricMM starts bitching about carbon footprints and all that shit, I used to walk from my one job because the busses didn’t start up that early. It took me more than an hour to walk home, and a bicycle wouldn’t help my impending move. Yes, I was moving from central Pennsylvania to southwestern Ohio. And on that August day I turned in my keys to my Jew-bastard apartment manager-ette, packed the car to the gills with my stuff and headed off to glorious Middletown. During this eight-hour trek I kept thinking to myself “Don’t break down. For the love of God, don’t break down.” And while there were a few times during some steep inclines I got antsy, the Corsica came through.
After I reached Ohio, I was always expecting this car to die, especially when I would make 50-mile round-trips to and from work. Oddly enough, the car not only ran but it ran rather well. Sure it didn’t have the fancy gadgets all the newer models had, but I am NOT a car person. As long as it gets me from Point A to Point B I’m happy. And year in and year out it did just that. OK, so it needed a rebuilt transmission, but whatever. It was old. If you would say to me that you get a 12-year-old car, drive it for 8 years and only have to rebuild the transmission, I’d say that’s a good deal.
Three years have passed and Mrs. kkk and I were getting ready to drive back to Pennsylvania. Once again, we didn’t think this car had it in him for a similar packed-to-the-gills run across state lines, especially since I never bothered to get an Ohio license plate and updated commie emissions tags. (I avoided the law for three years with Pennsylvania plates and a Temporary registration sticker.) But we were proven wrong for a second time. Now in Pennsylvania we thought for sure this relic would finally call it a day, especially since we never really bothered to maintain the upkeep. But once again we were proven wrong. Sure this automobile could no longer make the everyday work commute through rush-hour traffic, but we didn’t ask him to do that. Need to go to the local grocery store for a gallon of milk? He was there. Have the urge to do some Christmas shopping but the better half has the other car? He was there. Desire the pleasures of some ladies of the evening by making a stop to a Shittsburgh street corner? Hell no. I wasn’t getting no jammy juice on the red velvet interior.
Fast forward to the Summer of 2006. Mrs. kkk was in-between jobs and spent the summer working at a local pizza place and babysitting her niece and nephew. Who was there every morning when she had to arrive at her brother’s house at 6 a.m.? Who was there when it was time to take the kids to their dozen-plus summer activities? Who was there to navigate those crater-filled backroads? You guessed it. Not the 2004 Blue Caviler. That was taking me to my job. But instead, as my nephew-in-law dubbed him, Crappy the White Car.
Why was my Corsica called Crappy the White Car by a kid who will probably make more as a college intern than I do right now? Because while Crappy could still get you from Point A to Point B he had some … issues. First off, the passenger-side door couldn’t open. That was the case for years. I didn’t care. Hey, I figured if someone wanted to carjack me I had a 1 in 4 chance of getting away right off the bat. Then there was the horn issue. One day I was using Crappy for a trek in Shittsburgh due to a work-related issue and the Caviler was already in use. I knew this would be a risk, considering I it was mid-morning and I knew traffic would be stop-and-go. I was right, especially since every other business in Oakland had its vending deliver trucks clogging up the right-hand lanes. Crappy didn’t take too kindly to this and after about 40 minutes of this I was got pissed and hit the steering wheel. This in turn caused the horn to blare nonstop. For several blocks. God only knows what the poor female motorist in front of me was thinking. I tried to let her know that I wasn’t honking at her, rather Crappy was just going off on his own. But I think I did more harm than good because when observed from a distance I think my body language looked more like limbs flailing about in rage. How did I solve the case of the blaring horn? I grabbed the horn panel and yanked something out of place. I thought that would work and it did. For about two miles. Then it started again and I yanked something else. That was that. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to Mrs. kkk’s stint as Aunt Nanny. On one of her trips with the kids to summer camp I guess the horn went off on its own, much to the delight of the niece and nephew, who found the whole thing funny as hell. Couple this with all the amenities of stalling out, no heat or air conditioning, a clock radio that we couldn’t properly set, speakers that were blown out and bellowed out more static than music, peeling paint from all sides, missing knobs, a cracked dashboard from another time I made a this-car-will-overheat-because-of-this-goddamn-traffic back in 2002 (man I-75 was a bitch; thank God I found that back road route to work in Ohio), a crack in the windshield that was there when I first bought Crappy and a gas cap that was hanging on by a thread and you have in the eyes of a 9-year-old the coolest car on the planet. These two kids, particularly the nephew, were OBSESSED with this car. They actually preferred riding in Crappy than our ’04 Caviler or any of the trucks/vans their parents owned. Even earlier this year when the better half was picking the kids up for some function she was asked if they were going to be “riding in style,” a question that was often asked by my nephew whenever he learned Aunt kkk would be driving them somewhere. The nephew even wrote book about his experience during that summer with Crappy the White Car. (Don’t laugh. This 9-year-old was the only one among us who knew how to fix the time on the clock radio. For almost 5 years Crappy was 40 minutes off in time – 1 hours and 40 minutes when clocks had to be adjusted.)
But all things don’t last. After this past winter Crappy decided enough was enough and decided to call it a day. We think it’s the starter but frankly it just doesn’t matter at this point. For months he had been taking up space in the garage until one of us finally got the desire to call one of those tow-away-for-charity organizations. And yesterday that big flatbed in the sky took Crappy away for good.
Crappy the White Car (1988-2008)
The garage just won’t look the same. … Oh who the hell am I kidding? Now until we get a second car, which won’t be until this ’04 Caviler becomes the New Crappy, we won’t need to scrape ice off the windows every winter. But couldn’t the garage be spinning just a little bit? Maybe. But that could be because of the exhaust Crappy would always spew out.
One of the time-honored traditions of message boards includes the "Hey, look at this questionnaire I found. Let's have everybody at this place take it and see what their results are," thread. Over the years, one of the more popular features at TSM has been to get on the "Political Compass" and find out who are some of the bigger commies at this place (although we already know most of them anyway). However, I noticed that whenever I took this test, I always came back with a different score. One time I was a -.25 Economic Left/Right -1.13 Auth/Libertarian; in another instance I had a different result: 2.75, 0.36. Now I will take this test again, but instead of just posting the result, I'll also include my answers just to see why I'm the adorable right-wing fascist you all have come to know and love (or at least know). One disclaimer I should make about these kinds of surveys is that I very rarely select the "always" or "never" options since these choices come with that sense of finality. Well, without further ado, here we go:
PART I:
Disagree.
All that “humanity” bullshit is nothing more than "progressive" psychobabble, and if one power is to take over the world, I’d rather be controlled by Wal-Mart than those thieving bastards at the United Nations because then at least prices will be low and I won’t have to worry about black helicopters circling around my house. Then again if there was a one-world government we might be able to buy computers for only $10. However, those computers probably wouldn't have CD-Burners installed on them. Then again, all this shit should be free anyway to each according to his needs. Now I have a headache.
Disagree.
Much like my rule on giving "absolute" answers, I’m disagreeing with the absoluteness of this statement. If our country rounded up kitties for no good reason other than to just destroy them all I wouldn’t support that. Do whatever with the hippie indians, Uncle Sam, just leave my cats alone.
Disagree.
I think that people who religiously celebrate their great-grandparents’ country of origin need to get a life, but for all of those pseudo-hippies that think we’re the Satan of the world, how come people risk life and limb to come over here on hand-made boats?
Agree.
Yes, us whiteys have some great qualities when compared with, say, Muslims, who stone their wives for exposing their sexy ankles in public. What? We used to burn suspected witches at the stake? Well, that was a long time ago. Besides, my people have many inferior qualities, too. For example, we can’t dance worth shit. We also couldn’t play cornerback in the NFL if our life depended on it.
Agree.
OMG WE GAVE SADAAM HUSSEIN THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION THAT WE INVADED HIS COUNTRY LATER ON TO TAKE BACK FROM HIM. Yeah, and Stalin helped us win WWII. Even worse yet, France helped our nation gain its independence from the red coats.
Agree.
With all the fucked up places out there, I prefer to go against the grain of what the rest of the world thinks.
Disagree.
I agree with the point that the line between “news” and “entertainment” can be blurring at times, but I don’t consider it “worrisome.” What’s more troubling to me are the idiots who are unable to distinguish from between the two.
Developing...
9:45 a.m.
• Well, I guess I really can celebrate Independence Day today since just minutes ago I made the final payment to that $22k credit card debt the better half accumulated over the years. I really should have just spread it out over July and August, but I’m so sick of seeing that shit on my statement I wanted it gone. Took about 13 months to pay this bitch off. Uh, yay and stuff. Part of me is pissed when I think what could have been done with that money instead of feeding it into a black hole, but now the black hole has been fed and I don’t have to worry about it anymore – or at least until Mrs. kkk decides she can be trusted with finances again.
• I talked yesterday about one thing that I didn’t care for regarding professional football, and today it is Major League Baseball’s turn. The trading deadline expired a little while ago, and this is the time of year when contending teams try to find that one extra pitcher or slugger to put them over the top. On the flip side of this coin are losing teams looking to unload soon-to-be free agents they can’t afford to retain in hopes of getting some worthwhile prospects. I get how this game is played. If you’re the Yankees, you don’t want to give up whatever good young players your minor league system still has. If you’re the Phillies, you want to ship off someone you won’t be able to re-sign in the off-season and get the best deal possible in return. Trying to get something for nothing is the American way. However, can we please lay off the theatrics of teams absolutely refusing to hand away a particular prospect? For weeks I’ve heard the Yankees say proclaim they will ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY REFUSE to give up some can’t-miss minor-leaguer they have in their system. I don’t know who this guy is, nor do I care. All I know is that the guy’s a pitcher and the Yankees won’t part with him no matter what the circumstances. Well, it looks like they got Bobby Abreu in return for some minor-leaguers that were not on their “untouchable” list. I’m sure Al Keiper or Bored knows who these people are and can give you some win-share figures of each player’s time in A, AA and AAA ball. Quit the public theatrics and get the deal done in private.
• Speaking of trades, I heard this morning that the Pirates have shipped off Sean Casey to the Tigers earlier today. What’s hilarious about this is that when Casey, a hometown boy, signed with the Pirates this past off-season, it was being billed as a sign of things to come with this losing franchise. Oh it was a sign all right. A sign that the tradition of finishing in last place is still going strong. God I love this team. On the bright side, Casey is now going to a former Shittsburgh manager that was at least able to get his team into the postseason. Oh, and speaking of the Tigers, I had been expecting them to fold sometime this season, but after their recent performances against White Sox and Twins I now think they’re a legit playoff team. Of course, having said this I’m sure they will proceed to lose their next 20 games.
The local media has reported over the past few days that the Pirates were going to make some trades. They weren’t kidding. As I was watching ESPN this afternoon I was reading the bottom-screen headlines and it seemed Shittsburgh deserved its own little section. First I saw they traded Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez to the Mets. Then they traded infielder/outfielder Craig Wilson to the Yankees. Then they traded pitcher Kip Wells to the Rangers (yeah, that'll improve the Texas rotation). Now my question is if these teams are all in the postseason chase, then why in the hell do they want players from this franchise? It’s not like a team gets to be 40-66 overnight. It takes persistence and effort, baby.
• So Mel Gibson has "allegedly" shown (or should I say bellowed?) his true colors as being an anti-Semite. Now I like this guy even more. With the media criticism of his “Passion of the Christ,” how can you not blame Gibson for thinking there’s a Jew conspiracy out to get him? I bet his bartender’s name ended in “-stein” and phoned his buddy (collect of course) at the Los Angeles Times once he saw Mel’s state of intoxication after last call was announced. OK, now this made me laugh.
8:30 p.m.
• So the better half returned the call of the matriarch of the test-tube welfare family and guess what Mrs. kkk was asked? If that abandoned house across the street from us was on the market.
Oh hell no.
Long story short. Many moons ago, the people who lived in that house died. The family of the deceased never wanted to sell it; however, they never bothered to keep up with maintenance. From what I heard, the furniture and shit is still in there. I’m sure it wouldn’t be a bad little house, but it’s going to need a good deal of work. That being said, there’s not fucking way I want those people living across the street from me. Mrs. Test Tube told the better half that she wants to move from the shithole of a house they bought two years ago and live somewhere in our school district, which is better than the one she’s at now. OK, if you wanted to live in a certain school district, when you already had two kids popped out from your snatch, WHY DID YOU PEOPLE BUY A HOUSE IN A DIFFERENT SCHOOL DISTRICT?!?! Jesus tap dancing Christ are these people pathetic. What’s funny is that if any houses are selling on my street they will be going for at least twice the amount of the house the test-tube welfare family currently live in – and these people can’t even keep up with their $300/month mortgage as-is. Not only that, but they will now have to sell the piece-of-shit house they are currently living in, and I bet they’ll be lucky to find a buyer, let alone try to break even on the sale. I swear to Christ I can’t stay around these people for more than five minutes without the urge to take a brick to the side of their collective heads.
2:30 p.m.
• So Drudge had the following link headline to an article about Chief Justice John Roberts' fall:
Now is the foam from his fall or because the High Court is going to be taking up some more affirmative action/gay marriage/abortion cases?
• So I've been hearing about this for a while now and just had to post this hilarity. You may have seen these ads pimping some government health-care program for "the children" called SCHIP (pronounced "chip" whenever I hear it).
Oh, no. And this from the state of DICK CHENEY~! How could anybody be against giving "the children" health-care coverage?
So does this mean if a 22-year old SCHIP recipient kills someone they could be tried as a youth?
1 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Well, it’s not really the call per se, but rather the flashback I got when hearing this guy ask if he did the right thing. Long story short: His aunt is a mega-bitch and neither he nor his soon-to-be better half talk to her. There was some other history, too, but I wasn’t paying that close attention. They decided not to invite the aunt. This pissed off the guy’s mom, who said she no longer wants to be part of the wedding party and does not want to be introduced as his mother. The guy said “OK.” He wanted to know if he was in the right. Both Dr. Laura and I agree that he was. However, what inspired me to write this couple of hundred words was that when it came time for my wedding RSVP guest cards to come trickling in two years ago, I was hoping for quite a few people to say they couldn’t make my special day where the chain around my ankle gets clamped down for good. This way, I had an reason never to deal with them again for the rest of my life. That’s why I don’t visit the test-tube welfare family that I’ve talked about in the past here. However, I still have to attend that Memorial Day outing because that aunt showed up. Sonofabitch. Oh well, at least I have an excuse to ignore my two cousins from my idiot mother’s side for my remaining days. Woo-hoo!
10 a.m.
• Just heard on the radio that Robin Roberts has breast cancer. I remember watching her and Bob Ley on ESPN's Sunday SportsCenter back in the early 1990s. She's moved onto a network morning anchoring gig, and, although she's a commie and part of the mainstreamliberalpress, I always had a soft spot for her when thinking back to my formative years and remembering her talk about the day's sports headlines. Thank God she doesn't have to talk about "Who's Now" or any of that other shit going on now at that place. The first thing that comes to mind when hearing Roberts' name is this annual report ESPN does every year about some college football player crippling some other player in the South and how the one athlete visits the other's grave each year. At the end of this report, Roberts was trying to hold back her tears, and was doing a poor job at it. Nothing to be ashamed over. The radio update said the cancer was detected early, so you go, girlfriend.
8:15 a.m.
• So I'm listening to Monday's Dennis Miller radio show, and at the end of the first hour this caller Bob from New York is calling Dennis a puppet for the RIGHT-WING and that he's getting paid by the usual suspects, etc. Dennis asks him why he's so angry, and Bob just starts bitching with the usual you-get-paid-by-Bush talking points. Bob calls again during the second hour and says Dennis can't tell how anyone can be "angry" by just a phone call, or something like that.
"I'm going to suggest, Dennis, that you do not have the abilty to infer how angry I or anybody is from the words they say..."
"Bob, bye-bye. You're the first caller I cut off in four months. You know why? You're an idiot. Don't call back."
Funny stuff.
8 p.m.
• Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future.
• McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad.
You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message.
Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist.
9 p.m.
• Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?
8:45 p.m.
• Way to pick your battles there, son.
I don't blame Vick's sponsors one bit. Every minute they stay with Vick they are losing money by appearing to be supporting the Falcons quarterback. And Google makes this sort of thing way too easy.
• So here's number one in the celebs-die-in-threes game.
During the '95 GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN he said some things on his cBS show that pissed me off, so ever since then I said "fuck him." Same goes for that left-wing twat Peter Gammons.
Here's number two.
Peace out, dawg. Being from Shittsburgh, people from this area HATED the 49ers during the late 1980s because we knew they were going to catch up to our beloved Stiilers in Super Bowl wins. And you people thought my reasons for hating Gammons above were dumb.
So who will be number three?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~!
3 p.m.
• So I decided to try making microwave popcorn in the office today. Yeah, I think you all know what’s coming next.
Microwave popcorn is like an art. Ever the Jew, I try to get the most bang for the buck with the unpopped kernels. However, there is a fine line between popping perfection and burning shit up. That’s why it’s important to know your microwave. This was the first time I used my office microwave for such a task, and this time the machine won. As the popping slowed down, I thought I could Jew a few more pieces out of this single-serving bag. As I hit stop I had a sense of dread, and when I opened up the bag my worst fears became reality. Too long. Fuck.
Now most of the popcorn was just fine. However, it takes just a few to stink up an office. Screw the office, it takes just a few to stink up an entire floor. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but none of you were here, so if I said the sprinkler system was unleashed how you know? Well, you probably would because this computer wouldn’t be working. Anyway, I went next door to inform my co-worker that the mighty “popcorn experiment” had failed and won’t be tried out again. Such a shame, really, but oh well. At least I haven’t burnt my soup … yet.
Speaking of burning, back in ’98 I worked at a kitchen-stuff store for a few weeks while it was going out of business. One afternoon I put something in the break-room microwave. I can’t remember what it was, but I do know that I severely underestimated the power of this heating beast and burnt the food all to shit. Sonofabitch. To make matters worse, I stunk up the break room. My bad. I didn’t step away from my mess, but at the same time there were way too many co-workers that took this to heart. I even got told that I “RUINED” a person’s entire day. Jesus Christ. I admitted I fucked up, and if someone would have said, “good going dumbshit,” I would have stretched out my arms and told them to keep the insults coming. But “ruining” someone’s day because of it? I think that says more about the other person than it does me.
• A note to TSM’s esteemed Mr. Keiper. Put this in your pro-invasion pipe and smoke it. Go Cobb County. Bossman would be proud.
• Well now the media can settle down with their “OMG REGGIE BUSH MAY SIT OUT THE ENTIRE YEAR” hysteria. The guy signed on the dotted line with the New Orleans Saints and is supposed to report to training camp today. I can’t stand the “Will this rookie holdout sit the entire season?” stories that usually spring up about this time every year. What made this season's batch especially annoying was that Bush is supposed to put the city of New Orleans on his back and bring this place back to prominence, or at least back to having college white girls take their shirts off in exchange for some beads. What really pissed me off was the notion that Bush “promised” to sign a contract early and then didn’t. For a football player, who may be one play away from a career-ending injury, I don’t blame these people one bit for trying to get as much money as they can. The only thing I disagreed with Bush on in this situation was the “I should be paid like I was the overall top pick” talk. You weren’t drafted first – get over it. Otherwise, I say get your money now, put your financial house in order, and then concentrate on your craft.
• I was watching the Sports Reporters this morning and Mitch Album talked about this judge who ruled pat-downs at football games unconstitutional. He was right. Holy shit is this Gordon Johnston a fucking douche, and what a shock, the Atheists and Criminals/Communists Love Us organization helped him in this lawsuit:.
Hey bitch boy, you’re not getting stripped searched. You’re not having your anus probed in search of weapons of mass destruction. You’re getting a pat-down before entering a stadium filled with more than 50,000 other football fans. Get over it you bitch-ass faggot. I loved his last line about in the “absence of a specific threat or suspicion of those being searched universal pat-downs are too broad a response." So you want only to pat-down people who look suspicious -- well who are you going to deem worth of such suspicion? I bet the instant anyone gets a “suspected” pat-down you’ll come down from your ivory tower, U.S. Constitution in hand, and then get the ACLU to sue on behalf of Adbul because his pat-down was RACIST. And of course should a hidden bomb explode at a Bucs home game, Johnston will probably be one of the first armchair quarterbacks bitching about how stadium security didn’t do everything they could to prevent the blast from happening. I have to wonder if the government school Gordon teaches at has any metal detectors/search procedures. Hopefully this school does, and another commie judge rules these search methods unconstitutional, only then to have a student put a few bullets into Johnston’s skull, further turning his brain into mush.
11 p.m.
• So Warrior was on Hannity and Colmes tonight. Do I need to say anything more? And good job Alan for defending the fans' right to boo during high school games against those two commies that you had on an earlier segment of the show. I can understand not wanting fans to swear and throw shit onto the field, but to not let people go "booo" during a free throw or a fourth-and-goal situation? Get out of here.
• I'm sure there's a Bill Clinton joke to be made here, but it's late and the KFC I had earlier tonight has me wanting to go on the disabled list. Why oh why do I think eating this shit is a good idea? And to make matters worse, I think I chipped a tooth way in the back. Eh, I don't use those ones anyway.
• So ESPN is doing these hippie "Day in the Life of" segments with athletes and I just saw one today featuring Jeff Garcia. Got married, eh? To a playmate no less. N*gga plz. I don't care if you like to toss the pigskin without a glove, but dude you're not fooling ANYONE with that performance.
10:30 p.m.
• Yeah, and then when the price of flags triple, these same people that want Old Glories made in the USA will bitch about the cost.
Yep. My state can't get so-called property tax reform in gear (which won't do anything for homeowners anyway), but we can work on this type of shit. Uh oh, I hope this doesn't make me a terrorist.
4 p.m.
• So I just got home from work and turned on ESPN, which just started an "Outside the Lines" story. What what it? Oh Christ, I missed the lead-in, but they're talking pardons, probably because of the Scooter Libby story mentioned below. Tim to hear about Willie Mays Aikens again.
For those that don't know, peep the Wik. For those too lazy, here's a rundown. Get it? Baseball, rundown? LOL2007.
Gag, I really hate this puff piece, which I have seen at least three times already. So you and Cal Ripken Jr. feel you served enough time? That's nice. Hey, don't want to be locked up until 2012? Here's hint. You ready? OK, here it is...
Don't sell crack to an undercover officer!
12:30 p.m.
• So W. just gave Scooter Libby a pseudo-pardon.
Whatever. Like I’ve said before when commenting on this situation, I don’t care. Of course I’m sure Democrats will say this is an OUTRAGE, but unless Libby is shares a cell with to Sandy “is that a classified document in your pants or are you just happy to see me” Burglar, I’m not paying attention. I previously commented that this is like the Republicans' Lewinsky-gate, but after seeing a few of Valerie Plame’s pics...
...I’d rather the roles were reversed and we were instead talking about Val giving oral pleasures. Yeah, I know she’s a whackjob, but it’s hard for her to bitch about “OMG MY TOP-SECRET COVER WAS EXPOSED” when her mouth is already full (or in my case, somewhat occupied).
8:45 a.m.
• So after mowing the lawn yesterday afternoon I noticed that there was still time to catch my niece-in-law’s championship softball game. I figured what the hell and went. Even though they lost by a score of 16-7, it was no worse than being in attendance at a Pirates game. And, oddly enough, her team was actually in the game –– except for that one inning where the other team scored 5 runs. And those other two innings where the other team scored 4 runs. Oh, and the parents weren't that bad. In fact, they were rather supportive –– even when someone on the other team made a good play.
Got home from work. Mowed the lawn. Attended some pee-wee sporting event. Makes me actually feel like an adult. Blech.
9:30 p.m.
• So today the better half told me that there was a group of bees/wasps/whatever starting up a nest in the top left corner of our garage door. The following conversation then took place. You can figure out who’s who:
“Why do I have to do it?”
“Because I’m working at the second job to pay for my niece’s baby shower because I’m a fucking idiot and once my mom dies there will be nobody left to cater to the crack-whore so she will start calling our house begging us to drive her to the methadone clinic, welfare office or some other decrepit locale.”
“Oh yeah.”
“So wait until the evening and go out there and spray so you get them all.”
“Even the women and children bees?”
“Yes. That’s why you do it in the evening. When they are all back at the hive.”
“Wow. Now I know what George W. Bush must feel like.”
Of course, if the kkk household was made up of Democrats, we would first try to understand why the insects decided to stage an insurgency. Was it because of pollution they decided to set up shop at our residence? Did their previous hive get foreclosed on because of the RECESSION~? We wouldn’t have time to really know because we would have moved to another location. But there are enough left-wing queers on my block. I guess that makes me a fly in the ointment. OK, now this is getting dumber than I thought possible.
All I can say is that after trip outside with the bug spray…
Of course now the rest of the bugs in the neighborhood will be blowing themselves up, causing my approval ratings to dip even lower among the commie neighbors (if that's possible). Bring it on.
10:30 p.m.
• I’m sure there’s a joke to be made here about black people and making babies, but that would be wrong. Can’t wait to find out what a bunch of white people in lab coats determine to be the bodily enhancements of Popeye’s Chicken.
Speaking of watermelon, I LOVE this stuff so much I can't buy it or I'll eat the entire box. Well, not the ACTUAL box, but rather what is inside of it.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 77: Sass
Much like Kahran Ramsus, I always found Sass, during his time as a mod, to be a voice of reason in many instances. Not only has he provided “the final word(s)” on a number of occasions regarding the banning of someone or explaining why mods took a specific course of action on some TSM “heated issue,” but also if anyone disagreed with him I’m sure Sass could squash that poster like a bug, what with him being a power-lifting hoss and all. I haven’t seen him around as of late, but having a normal life can do that to someone.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. (And yes, this really is her.)
From EricMM:
From SFAJack:
From Cancer Marney:
• One of the big stories in the Shittsburgh area regarding our beloved Pirates is that this team has not one but TWO representatives playing in the upcoming All-Star game. Not only is Jason Bay going to be a starter for the National League, but there’s another player who is arguably more valuable to this team (which isn't saying much considering he's playing on a 28-55 club, but I digress), mostly because he can play several positions in the infield and has had a good year at the plate so far. He is Freddy Sanchez. Now locally we have been encouraged to vote for Sanchez; however, he isn’t even on the All-Star ballot. Thankfully, for Freddy’s sake, he has been named as a reservist. Now although the Pirates may be in last place and have the worst record in the majors (a sweep by the Royals can do that to you), they will have a pair of all-stars for the first time since 2000. This truly is the all-star season the team promised its fans during spring training.
• The headline to this story reads: “Crack found in Discovery external tank insulation.” Those black astronauts just can’t go one mission without having a fix. Then again, can you blame them for wanting to join the space program; stealing in order to pawn a $10,000 toilet seat has got to be a better investment than breaking into your neighbor’s apartment and taking his television set and silverware.
• So yesterday was movie night in the kkk household. From our DVD collection, the better half selected Ghostbusters, a film I always liked but never appreciated until I got older. As I kid you couldn’t go wrong with enjoying Slimer or watching Rick Moranis run away from that gargoyle-dog-thing. However, as I matured got older I started to catch onto the more adult-oriented humor, especially the line, “I’ve worked in the private sector. They expect results.” In addition, I didn’t realize how much I resembled Peter Venkmen’s character; I’m still trying to figure out whether this is a good or bad thing.
After Ghostbusters I got to pick a movie, and I went one of my new favorites. Disney has had tremendous success with its Pixar films, and I’ve enjoyed for the most part the ones I have seen (Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo and Toy Story). However, my favorite by far has to be The Incredibles. Sure the Parr family is a rip-off of the Fantastic Four, but that doesn’t matter. When this movie first came out, it made hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office. I generally steer clear of going to theaters, and if a film has had plenty of success, by the time the movie comes out on DVD and I watch it I usually feel a bit under-whelmed. The Incredibles are the exception to this rule. I got the DVD when it first came out because the better half usually loves Pixar films. However, after we watched this together I ended up enjoying this film hand over fist while Mrs. kkk gave it a “thumbs in the middle.” What made the movie for me were some of the side characters and their voices, from Jason Lee’s Syndrome to Wallace Shawn’s Gilbert Huph (the asshole boss, also known as the bald “inconceivable” evil genius of Princess Bride fame). In addition, the whole “suing” super heroes concept was clever, along with the “when ‘everybody’ is called exceptional, that means nobody is” message. In my opinion, this movie deserves every dollar it earns.
