8 p.m.
• So the baseball HOF ceremonies were this weekend, and one of my all-time favorite players, Tony Gwynn, got inducted. As a kid, there were a handful of baseball “heroes” I had during the 1980s. They were Gwynn, George Brett, Carlton Fisk and Fernando Valenzuela. That's all I got. Tony's the man.
• Oh I can’t wait to see how this shit gets enforced.
This part made me laugh.
• And speaking of enforcing laws, this shit blew my mind earlier this week.
So local governments aren’t allowed to take measures to stop the invasion and have to rely on the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? God help us all. Also, I have no clue what political party Hazleton's mayor is, but if he would run for governor I'd vote for him.
• It’s bad enough parents don’t have time for their kids, but now they don’t have time for dogs?
Actually, this isn’t such a bad idea. I’d rather have someone rent-a-pooch for a few hours each week than have them buy a dog only to take it to the pound a few months later when the owner discovers that canines like to do things like walk and poop outside. And, unlike children, I'm sure the dogs don't care where they end up each day as long as they associate "home" with the business' kennel.
• I’m sure you can make a variety of cock jokes with this one.
If only they had choked their chickens, those guys wouldn't be dressed like one.
9:30 p.m.
• Look, I could go on about the Health Nazis or about the Nanny State telling us what is good for us and bad. However, what makes me laugh about this story...
Is this:
Oh, yeah. I'm sure this will attract the upscale places to set up shop in the ghetto. And how about this?
Uhhh, how about NOT FEEDING YOUR KIDS FAST FOOD?!
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 68: Agent Bond34
I don’t see much of Agent around here. He seems to show up around football time to partake in our message board’s football contests; after not logging into TSM for several months, he showed up and took his spot in my football league, along with Bored’s. But hey, he submits his picks on time, which makes him OK in my book. I do feel for him when a few years ago he got banned by some mod because that person thought Agent was a previously banned poster (Mr. Zsasz). You see, Zsasz liked James Bond, and since Agent’s name had the word “Bond” in it, it’s only natural that Agent Bond was Zsasz in disguise, despite the fact Agent had been posting here since August of '02. But I digress.
• Yesterday was a bit of a bittersweet day for me in my talk-radio listening habits. In the Shittsburgh area, on the Fox Sports Radio affiliate, there is this local morning show that is probably going to get the axe. For a few years these two former Steeler linemen – Tunch Ilkin and Craig Woofley – hosted this 7-10 a.m. program. However, rather than having the Clear Channel-owned station cut their show due to low ratings, Ilkin has decided to leave the show in order to pursue other endeavors. This pair had been paying for airtime and had been selling their own advertising. Now with Ilkin leaving (he’s pretty much left already, having taking this past week off and scheduled to “officially” leave at the end of the month) the only way this program will continue if the station takes the show on itself, which probably isn’t going to happen. (Some background info.) I usually listened to this program from 9-10 a.m., and if my local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy was airing a “best of” program I usually just tuned over to Tunch and Wolf from 7-10 a.m. This program wasn’t great by any means, but you could tell both guys were having fun doing this show, and it’s a little sad to see them go. However, both have other things to do with their lives (both take part in the Steelers radio broadcasting team) and I wish both the best of luck.
• So was our new American cycling hero doping it up when beating the rest of the world in a sport that our country doesn’t follow? Who knows and who cares. I didn’t get caught up in all the Floyd Landis hype when he was on the bike, and I’m not going to pay attention to the aftermath. When it came to the last seven Tour de Frances, I didn’t follow one second of them. Toward the end of each race, I’d check to see if Lance Armstrong was going to win, and when I would learn that he’d come in first (again) I’d say “cool” and go back to my existence. I think cycling is a sport, unlike Jason Whitlock of ESPN/Kansas City Star fame, and I think Armstrong’s story is an amazing one. I just don’t care about cycling. However, I do care about pissing off the rest of the world, particularly the French, which is why I don’t goof on this event … much.
• It’s a shame this guy lived, because he would be an excellent candidate for one of those “too stupid to live” awards. Trying to start shit in a gun store with a machete is like a WAP bringing a knife to a gunfight.
6 p.m.
• So I was playing around on IMDB and found this post in a thread titled "Things you learnt from watching this movie?" for the "Wolf Creek" message board. Well, it made me laugh. Oh, yeah. Spoilers and stuff.
10 a.m.
• Finally got around to seeing Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” That’s why you get for messing around with them white girls.
• Here is the conclusion to my 3 p.m. entry yesterday about that poem I wrote which got me in a heap of trouble in 11th grade. The class had to write a “senses” poem in a “question and answer” format. Basically, you had to write a line in the form of a question that dealt with one of the five senses – taste, touch, smell, sight and hearing. After each line you had to have a “yes” or “no” answer. After 10 lines of this shit you had to do a line in the form of a question and then the other in the form of an answer. Sounds stupid? You bet. I also found it funny that in a class called “creative writing” you had these draconian rules to follow whenever you wrote something, but I digress. Anyway, my hippie poem was about a couple walking on the beach, and I had stupid lines like,
“Will you look deep into my eyes while the moon reflects off the crashing waves?”
“Yes.”
…or some hippie shit like that. When I got to my last “sense” it dealt with the chick asking the guy if he’d hold her hand or something similar. Here’s how my last four lines went that got me in trouble. Remember, after this question and answer, I need to follow that up with another Q&A line.
“Will you hold my hand *blahblahblahhippieshit*.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have no arms.”
There you have it. When my classmate, who was as big a slacker as I was, asked to read my poem (I wasn’t allowed to read this in class), the teacher stormed over to him, grabbed the sheet of paper, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. Where’s the ACLU when you really need them?
I also had this woman for a public speaking class the year before, and that was some fun right there. There was one project where I was in a group of five and the assignment was this 20-minute panel debate over a topic of our choice. You needed two people on one side of the argument, two people on the other side and a moderator. Our group, which was made up of slackers just like me, picked “censorship.” My role was to be moderator. We had several class periods to work on this project, and all we did was sit there and bullshit. After a few days, we realized that we had nothing done so we worked on an “intro.” By “intro” I’m not talking about opening remarks. No. We were going to pretend this was a late-night talk show and we were thinking up ways to introduce the program. We were the last group to do our presentation, and the four-five groups before were made up of actual students who cared about their academic achievement. After the first day when the first two groups did their presentations, we suddenly realized we were in a world of shit. The day before our presentation, I frantically tried to make an outline of who was going to say what about our topic, which was about Free Speech Rights. On the morning of the big debate, we got ready for our intro, which we spent all of our class time preparing. And just what did we do?
*Person 1 turns off the lights to the room*
“Person 2 plays tape recorder with a voice saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Late Night with KKK.’ Suddenly the Looney Tunes theme comes on.”
*Persons 3 and 4 are across the room from each other and swirling flashlights around while theme plays.*
*Person 4 (me) moves up to the front. When the theme stops playing, Person 1 turns the lights back on and Person 2 plays the tape of crickets chirping.*
Judging from the look on our teacher’s face, this didn’t go over as well as we had hoped.
As bad as this was, our actual presentation was even worse. Instead of following the script of Person 1 on the pro-free speech side giving their spiel with Person 1 on the anti-free speech side retorting, it just a free-for-all. And with me as the moderator, I had no clue what the hell everybody was going to say next. Ironically, I had put the most work into this thing (which isn’t saying much mind you) and I got the worst grade out of the five of us. But that was nothing when compared to the next project. The same five of us had to do a “interrogation-type” project where each of us had to be a “prosecutor” and a “defendant” regarding another topic. This project’s topic was obscenity laws. The only thing I remember about this was one person grilling the other and the following ensued.
“Person A, you claim some cartoons today are ‘obscene.’”
“Yes.”
“What about the cartoons of generations before? Were they as bad?”
“No.”
“How about Walt Disney? Were they ‘obscene.’”
“No.”
“How about Donald Duck?”
“No.”
“Even though he has no pants?”
Yes, that was the HIGHLIGHT. After we were done, our teacher blasted us for at least 5 minutes about how we didn’t follow any of the rules of the assignment among other things. I don’t remember much of what she said because I was too busy trying to hold in my laughter. But this incidents weren’t as memorable as the public speaking class I told while I was in college. Developing...
And down the stretch I come.
Agree.
There are people in this world who perform moral feats simply because it is the right and just thing to do, not because they are afraid God will strike them down if they act otherwise. It's a shame I'm not one of these people that cares about doing the right thing, but I know they have to exist somewhere.
Agree.
Generally, it’s more efficient. The bigger a “giving” institution is, the better chance of it becoming wrapped in red tape and saddled with unnecessary overhead.
Disagree.
Sometimes fate does play a role in what happens to us, but it’s the choices we make that determines this “luck” for us, too.
Disagree.
It’s important that a school instills reading, writing and arithmetic. Also having them return your brat home free of bullets or blades helps, too.
Diagree.
If by “immoral” you mean “not for baby-making purposes” then I might agree (although married couples have sex to get off, too). For me, “immoral” in this case means “not for feelings,” and for me that would mean prostitution. Since most sex outside of marriage isn’t a business transactions (although with the cost of dating, this could be debated), I will say no.
Agree.
I’m against homosexual marriage, because I’ve always said marriage is between a man and a woman. However, if a child faces a choice between living in foster care/the government system for his or her upbringing or living with Bob and Steve in an otherwise “normal” household, then I say go for it. Just realize that the kid will probably get beat up a lot in school for having gay adoptive parents.
Agree.
If not for Porn, there wouldn’t be an Internet today. An Internet where I can take polls like this.
Agree.
I know what this question is supposed to mean, but what if Condi Rice is banging some guy from Syria and in the act of passion she starts moaning out upcoming military strategies? I would think then that the State should take in interest in this one.
Disagree.
I enjoy the one time every few years that I go clothes shopping during a big sales event; I'd imagine that's how homos feel this way everyday, although I don't buy anything in vibrant colors.
Agree.
I may be at risk of sounding like an old fuddy duddy, but sometimes when I turn onto MTV and I cringe at what I see. I guess I can agree with this statement because it doesn’t say if I want anything done by the government about it. I know there are some other societies that are "more open" with this topic than the States, but then again there are a bunch of other societies that are much less, accepting, of seeing chicks in suggestive poses.
Developed
Well there you have it. Now that I'm done, where exactly do I compare with world leaders in my viewpoints? Am I to the right of W. on foreign policy, or am I more authoritative than Hitler on social issues? You can either take all of my answers and submit them yourself onto the Political Compass's web site, or you can just wait until I post the results in a future entry.
7 p.m.
• Damn Bush economy. Now people that didn't pay for their houses are losing them. How bad can this get?
What's this?
You know, say what you want about Jimmy Carter (Lord knows I have), but at least Habitat for Humanity makes its housing recipients work on a few homes before getting one built for them.
8:30 p.m.
• Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday crack-in-Shittsburgh. Happy birthday to you.
5:45 p.m.
• Ohs Nos.
Here's my question. Why would Home Depot take any MoveOn protest seriously? That would be like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse buckling under PETA pressure because its members threaten not to go there for dinner because Sean Hannity pimps the eatery on his radio show. Yeah, Home Depot, cave in to the group that wants to live in grass huts.
• An update on dead neighbors. That guy who I thought was dead a while back is still kicking. I recently saw his television on at 6 a.m. while getting into the car for my morning work commute. However, my next-door neighbor's (the wife of the deceased groundhog killer, for those keeping score at home) cat died. Hey, that kitty was 16 years old and had more energy than my three combined. No complaints about its time on this earth.
• When this story first broke I put my head in the sand. Now hear my warning. Any more articles that begin with...
...will result in me hunting down the so-called journalist that would write this and kill them. That's all.
3 p.m.
• OK, now this is depressing. Late last year I spoke with my former high school teacher after 13 years since my graduation. Turns out some of her students were working on this publication and I assisted her with some things. I just received the book today, and goddamn was this an impressive effort. After a first look-thorough I saw a few faux pas, but nothing serious –– mostly just little inconsistencies that only I would notice. Overall, this was an excellent product, and it made me think back to when I was in high school and my academic achievement –– or lack thereof. Hell, this is the same teacher who once called a work of mine in my 11th grade creative writing contest the most “bigoted thing she’s ever read” and “garbage.” What is this poem you ask? Well, if you remember TSM’s “Get Your Learn On” Folder, you’ll probably remember the poem in question. But it’s now 3 p.m. and time to go home. Developing…
7:30 a.m.
• So the last few years whenever I mowed the lawn I’d bag the clippings and store them in the backyard shed until garbage day, when I’d transport them to the curb. The problem with this is that many times I forgot about them and they would stay in the shed for weeks at a time, depending on the next time I mowed the lawn, opened the shed, and said “shit.” This year I’m trying something different. Instead of the shed, I’m putting the bags in the garage. This way I see them almost every day and I won’t forget about them. There’s only one downside to this: the grass aroma can leave a bit of a stink. However, the minuses outweigh the pluses, in my opinion. Of course, Mrs. kkk doesn’t agree with this and has bitched since the start of the mowing season this year. To shut her up, I went back to putting them in the shed. With all that said, here’s a conversation of our trip to work today.
“Did you take the grass bags from the shed for the garbage?”
“Shit. I forgot.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I mowed the lawn last Saturday and forgot.”
“When did you start putting them back in the shed?”
“Because you kept bitching about the bags being in the garage.”
Wedded bliss.
12:30 p.m.
• So I finally got around to watching Aliens – the one with the extra 17 minutes of footage. After looking down the list of new stuff from IMDB, I’m happy to note I caught just about everything that was added. I’m not big on the whole Alien/Predator saga that has been dealt with in comics/etc., but I LOVE this movie. The first one didn’t do much for me, but I understand why it was big for its time. I guess what pisses me off most about that film is that my favorite character in Alien was the black guy who got killed while the chick he was with just stood there and screamed until it was her turn. Bitch.
Anyway, while watching this film I realized that Bill Paxton, who played the ill-fated Hudson, was the same guy who had a similar role in Predator 2 as detective (or was it just “officer) Jerry Lambert, also my favorite character of that sequel. Weird.
Hey, if I was surrounded by aliens (even those of the Mexican variety), and had to go out, I can only hope it would be something like this.
Although shouting out "Fuck you" to a bunch of things that can't understand English would be some nice last words, my favorite send-off line of this film is Vasquez's, "You always were an asshole Gorman."
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 69: Bob Barron
From his Saturday Night Live recaps that take longer to read than it would to actually watch this unfunny piece of crap program he reviews to his numerous pictures with celebrities...
(my personal favorite)
...Bob is one of the more recognizable posters at this place. And how can he not be, considering he's had that hat longer than the Braves have been winning Division titles. I’ve talked to Bob via AIM for a few years now, and he’s a pretty nice kid. Not only is he a conservative student in a field of study (journalism) that is dominated by liberals (especially considering he goes to school in Canada), but also he’s a regular participant in my NFL Pick ‘em league. In fact, he was runner-up in KKK Bowl II. Now with all these nice things being said about him, the question is why is he ranked up so high (or "low," as the case may be) on this list? Well, Bob has the potential to capture a Top 20, or even a Top 10, spot, but the fact of the matter is, Bob, that you need some action. I know it’ll probably be a while before you experience it in the Real World, so by occupying the number 69 slot you can at least fulfill your wildest celeb fantasies on my list. Go to town big guy.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Lovecraft231:
From The Real World’s Champion:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
Oh, and for all my expert panelists: the number 68 spot is being changed for reasons you’ll understand later when he turns up again.
• The Andrea Yates story just keeps getting better. Like I said before, it’s shit like this which makes people support the death penalty. I’m guessing she gets released from the crazy house in 5-10 years. I think what’s even more disgusting is that her ex-husband was complaining not because Andrea was now found innocent but because it took two juries to reach a not guilty verdict. He then griped about all the tax dollars being spent for the two trials. Maybe it indeed was best for these kids that they got killed relatively early on in their lives before their parents could do some real damage to them.
• So the United Nations decides to stick around in a war zone and several “observers” got killed by an Israeli rocket, prompting Kofi Annan to say that it appeared that Israel was targeting his people. Well Israel did say they were going to go after terrorists. When I first heard this my guess was that Hezbollah was probably moving closer to that U.N. outpost; a letter Glenn Beck read earlier today on his radio show confirmed my guess. According to this letter, one of the observers who eventually was killed in the strike said that the Israeli shelling they were experiencing had not been deliberate but due to a tactical necessity. Gee, terrorists moving toward civilians/non-aggressors in hopes of innocent lives being lost? That’s a newsflash.
• This has been a pretty depressing entry, what with moms getting off from killing their kids and the Mideast going to hell in a handbasket. However, there is some good news on the horizon; score one for the good guys in the eminent domain struggle. Fuck you Big Government. Fuck you Big Private Land Developer. Fuck you Five Communists on the Supreme Court.
• There is a McDonalds near where I live that just experienced a “drive-thru,” geezer style. This old person plowed into one of those outside play areas that some of the yuppie Golden Arches use to lure in children and their parents. Here is the best part of the article:
And then further down...
I think the “gas pedal got stuck” is the old person’s version of the classic “dog ate my homework."
• This past weekend I got Comcast Digital Cable. Uh, yay, I guess. Basically, Comcast is offering this deal where you get phone service, Internet access and Digital Cable all for one price that saves me more than $50 for the first year and a lesser amount thereafter. As I began playing around with the “On Demand” feature, I went into the section where you can watch free movies. What, you thought I’d actually go into the pay-per-view section? So as I was flipping through the free movies, I noticed that most of these films weren’t, let’s say, the greatest of quality. Not that I’m complaining though, because they are free. Well, they had Men in Black; too bad I own the DVD. Hey, A League of Their Own wasn’t bad for what it was. There was also the first Mad Max movie, which I hadn’t seen before. Look here, it's My Best Friend’s Wedding; I won’t watch it any time soon, but at least it’s a movie that was made within the last 10 years and was reasonably popular at the box office. However, as I looked more thoroughly through over to the “comedy” area, I began to notice a certain pattern of films: Ernest Goes to the Army, Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Goes to Africa (!?). Just exactly how many of these Ernest movies were made? I admit watching as a kid Ernest Goes to Camp, and I remember he had some television show, but that’s about the extent of my Ernest knowledge. Just for the hell of it, I headed over to IMDB and looked up a list of Ernest movies/shows”
“Ernest Goes to Camp”
“Ernest Saves Christmas”
“Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain,”
“Hey Vern! It’s Ernest!”
“Ernest Goes to Jail”
“Ernest Scared Stupid”
“Ernest's Greatest Hits Volume 2”
“Ernest Rides Again”
“Ernest Goes to School”
“Slam Dunk Ernest”
“Ernest Goes to Africa”
“Ernest in the Army”
Christ almighty. Who buys this shit?
• Well the better half and I are having a bit of a tiff because she “volunteered” me to help her one friend with the two out-of-wedlock kids move into her newly purchased house. I got to hear this good news at 5:45 a.m. as I was getting ready for work, so needless to say my reaction was less than enthusiastic. I hate moving. I’ve packed my things and headed out for greener pastures five times since 1998, and that is more than enough times for me. However, what pisses me off even more is that her friend doesn’t really do anything with Mrs. kkk unless she needs something. I get that she has two kids and all, but there have been more times than I can count in the past that not only would this girl flake out with scheduled get-togethers, but each time she would never let the better half know she wasn't going to be attending whatever they had planned. And her reasons weren’t because the one kid had to go to the emergency room; it would be because she got drunk with some other people. I'm one of those dolts that tries to keep his word whenever possible, and if I'm unable to make an event I let the host know as soon as possible. I have no problem helping out people I know. Hell, I can do nice things for strangers once in a while, too. But I have a problem with being there for someone who wouldn’t give two shits about your situation should you ever need to rely on them for something. Oh well, at least this will give me some material to use the next 10 times this person screws over the better half and an event she’s planned.
11:45 a.m.
• Wonder if this was featured in Mikey Moore's latest film?
Boy, it's a good thing those new moms got all this at no charge thanks to Canada's FREE health care. Perhaps Mikey didn't mention this because these people were nothing but plants by the corporations.
9:15 a.m.
• Whenever I wake up in the morning, there's always at least one of our three milling around, or on, the bed.
Animals may not be as "smart" as humans, but I'd take their instincts over what's printed in textbooks during many of life's instances.
7:15 a.m.
• So I finally got around to watching “Batman Begins” last night (like I’ve said before, I don’t watch movies in the theaters all that often, so I normally wait until they come out on DVD). All I can say is … wow. Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Katie Holmes ... Morgan Freeman. Awesome stuff. I actually liked the first part of the film when more of a “backstory” was presented than when all the action took place. I’m not a big comic book guy, but Batman was one of my favorites. This of course means I had at one time a dozen or so of his comics. I didn’t see “Batman” coming out of Christian Bale (who I never heard of up to this point), but that’s not a knock on him. It’s just whenever I hear “Batman” the first image that pops into my head is Michael Keaton –– similar to how I think of Roger Moore whenever I hear the words “James Bond,” even though I always liked the Sean Connery movies better. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way when the Joker is featured in the next movie, which is what I’ve read about in the TSM Movie folder. That white-and-green bad guy will always be Jack to me.
• While I'm on the subject of movies –– que?
1 p.m.
• So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights.
1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags.
When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?!
2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who.
“I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?”
“Do you really want to live in Rwanda?”
“…”
3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit.
On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.
8:30 p.m.
So I was flipping through channels the other day and came across this.
Do I really need to say anything else?
2:30 p.m.
• Please let there be footage of this and have it end up on one of those "Wildest Chases/Stupid Criminals" shows.
Ha, I don't need to wait that long. Here's the video.
7 a.m.
• So Ward Churchill finally got the boot from his cushy academic job.
Now I get to hear about this shit for the next few years while he sues over his free speech rights. Hey, Colorado, you hired him. You gave him tenure. You reap what you sow.
• So whenever you pour some chili on your hot dogs, remember that it was made in the ghetto. Oh well, can't be any worse than the imported shit we get from China and Mexico.
This part made me laugh, but I always get a chuckle from the word "crack house."
• Before this gets too outdated, what the hell was up with that psycho bitch on the Tonight Show? She claims Colin Farrell was harassing her and she walks onto the stage in the middle of a taping? Bitches be trippin'. From the article:
So that's what happened to Rolanda. I wondered where she went after that talk show.
• The Penguins just signed (again) winger Mark Recchi after trading him to the Carolina Hurricanes last year, where he won another Stanley Cup. I just find this funny for some reason. Couple this with the N.Y. Islanders now having its back-up goalie as the team's new General Manager and I have to ask how can anyone not like the NHL?
• First soccer players are head-butting opponents. Now jockeys are head-butting their horses. Nice.
• Here we go with Part VI. If you don't know what this is, then too bad.
Disagree.
What if you are at the top or bottom of this society? Who do you obey/command then? Besides, there are quite a few people I know who can’t command themselves, let alone other people.
Disagree.
I don’t care about this one. I’m sure you can fling pooh against a wall and someone will find a picture of two horses fucking or see the Mona Lisa; whether or not she's banging farm animals is up to the person looking at this "art."
Agree.
Should rehabilitation be factored into a convict’s sentence? Sure. But why rehab someone who’s getting the needle? You can make a case that this goes against my “accept discipline” answer from earlier, but obviously if you’re in jail you don’t know how to prevent from being disciplined, so too bad.
Agree.
See my answer above.
Agree.
Artists are starving enough. If you didn’t have the person creating the goods for these creative types, they wouldn’t survive long enough to get to the second act or chapter of their masterpiece.
Disagree.
Not if they are childless or unmarried; their first duty is not to be a burden to society. In Happy World it would be best if a couple that popped out some kids had one adult in the house; it doesn't matter if it was either mom or dad bringing home the bacon.
Agree
Hooray exploitation. I’m sure the company heads are smarter than the “leaders” of these pissant countries, so I’m certain Big Company is getting a sweet deal. More power to them.
Disagree.
I don’t think it’s an “aspect” moreso than a “result” of maturity. It also often means that you finally got your hippie ass a job and some investments.
Disagree.
Next.
Developing...
7:30 p.m.
• So yesterday the better half was in one of her “nobody loves me I’m going to be a miserable bitch” moods, which prompted me to buy her some flowers in hopes that the rest of the day would be somewhat bearable. As I went to purchase these overpriced plants at the register, I noticed I got a few looks from some female passer-bys. So here’s some advice to you single guys out there looking to score at a grocery store outside of its produce section: Do your shopping with some flowers/roses in hand. Of course, whenever Mrs. kkk sees some guy doing this she always asks, “why don’t you get me flowers anymore?” to which my reply usually is, “because I haven’t pissed you off to the extent where I would have to get them for a while.”
• After all that shit with those hippie iPhones coming out we get this.
2:30 p.m.
• But did they get health benefits and work breaks?
• So the local Wendy's around here has its breakfast menu all up an running. Best of luck to them. I'm not a big breakfast-on-the-go person, but out of all the fast-food places out there, I've always liked Wendy's the best. It's a shame this place is in financial trouble.
• I talked about this a while back, but because it's not showing up on my searches, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I sided with the docs on this one then as I do now.
Then again, perhaps I should be like those Jersey feminazis who said that when 9/11 first happened, W. shouldn't have been reading turtle books to school children and instead have been in Air Force One shooting down any other hijacked planes.
• Why am I posting this?
Because I'm curious to know what will become of the two crackmoms in my neck of the woods whose kids died in a house fire while they were at a bar.
• Really? I would have never guessed.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 70: Cena’s Writer
A returning participant from my NFL pick ‘em contest, he managed to get into the first round of the playoffs with the Arizona Cardinals and was just minutes away from advancing to the second round. Unfortunately for him, Bravesfan, his Wild-Card opponent, got his playoff picks in right as I was typing “Deadline has come and gone.” Cena’s Writer was a good sport about it all, and he didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season. For these reasons alone he gets a spot on this list.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From Black Lushus:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• Black Lushus asked me a question in yesterday’s entry regarding my feelings about concealed firearms legislation. Before giving my opinion, I feel I need to explain a bit on my feelings toward gun control in general. I personally don’t own a firearm, although I may some day down the road for protection purposes. That being said, I feel a law-abiding citizen has the right in this country to own firearms. I always get a kick out of hearing anti-gun weenies whine about how our Founding Fathers would have never written the Second Amendment had they known how dangerous today’s firearms are. I’m sure Ben Franklin and George Washington wouldn’t expect our country to be doing quite a few things today that would have seemed inconceivable from back in the day, so don’t play the they-wrote-the-Constitution-230-years-ago card in this instance.
I consider myself to be “pro-gun,” however, there are some people I’ve met that are so anti-gun control that they downright scare me. About 15 years ago I heard a stand-up comedian say the following line, which pretty much sums up my feelings on gun registration: “If you’re the type of person who can’t wait seven days to purchase a gun, you’re the type of person that needs to wait seven days in order to purchase a gun.” I’ve always said that if the United Nations One World Government black choppers ever come to my neck of the woods, I’ll be glad knowing my local militia will be there to fend them off (although seeing the work the UN does in “peace-keeping” I’m sure my garden hose on at full tilt will be a sufficient deterrent to get them off my property).
When it comes to concealed-carry firearms, I’m generally for them. Sure there will be media stories about soccer moms who say they are cowering in fear because they will be afraid of some guy in a pickup truck with a Dixie Flag decal opening fire because she’s not driving fast enough. However, the real worry doesn’t stem from everyday people owning and carrying guns; it’s the people who illegally obtain and use firearms. And if you fear a well-armed citizenry, read that article I linked to yesterday and ask yourself that if some guy with a knife was chasing you in a parking lot would you want the citizens in your area to have the ability to stop your attacker with a single bullet or would you want to run around a parked car until the police arrive?
I can understand why some people in places such as dense urban areas don’t want guns of any kind in their neighborhood, but gun-control legislation won’t stop criminals from using them, and when you take away a citizen’s ability to protect themselves you’re actually helping the criminals do their thing. As long as liberal politicians keep trying to find ways to weasel their anti-gun authoritarian measures into law, and this ends up bringing out the gun owners bloc to vote against them on Election Day, then all I can say to these commies is keep up the good work.
On a somewhat related note, one of my favorite songs by Sir-Mix-A-Lot came from his Mack Daddy album, and it didn’t involve phat derrieres or Testarossas. It was on last track of the album and was titled “No Holds Barred.” Below is the third verse to this pro-gun ownership track:
I’m sure Mr. Mix-A-Lot isn’t a Republican (he’s had some anti-GOP lyrics in other songs), but I always thought he’d make an … interesting … spokesperson for the National Rifle Association.
• So I heard there was some grumblings from Americans in Lebanon about the way they were recently rescued from the turmoil in that region (damn Jews are always messing things up). Today, when the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returned from a weeklong vacation, he played some sound bites about this bitch named Ashley whining about America’s rescue efforts. I shook my head. First off, this chick sounded like a Valley Girl filled with university indoctrination of “America Sux,” gobbledy goo and complained about how the boat they were rescued on was a like refugee ship. She then whined about all the flies that were on board. Uh, as opposed to pristine landscape that is the MIDDLE EAST. It’s a shame someone didn’t throw this one overboard. A number of people in Medium Large Media compared the Lebanon rescue efforts to the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, and they are right but for the wrong reason. Both examples are similar in that it involves groups of people who knew they were living in a bad place to be and didn’t get out when they had the chance.
Oh, and speaking about the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy, I was right in my prediction from yesterday’s entry – the first thing he talked about was that guy stopping a knife-wielding psycho from stabbing a co-worker.
9:30 p.m.
• So Drew Carey is going to follow in Bob Barker’s footsteps.
As long as he promises never to do another one of those “Whose Line…” shows, I’m down. Other than that abortion of a show, I’ve never had a problem with Carey. I remember years ago he was on O’Reilly’s show blasting Uncle Sam’s death tax, so he’s A-OK in my book.
• Mom and Pop, look out.
• Hey environmentalists, please protest in China during the next summer games. Please please please please please please. Let's see how tolerant the Chinese are of your cries of global warming and pollution.
3 p.m.
• Uh, oops.
I have oftentimes identified people by their appearance, and one time it could have bitten me in the rump. I was at the Quickie Mart, and this one guy forgot to pay for his fuel. He was a frequent patron, but I didn’t know his name. I left a note for the next cashier that the “bald guy” with the beard that drove a particular vehicle forgot to pay for his fill up. He, of course, read this note a day or so later when he stopped in for something-or-other. Fortunately, he had a sense of humor and just found the note funny. What else was I supposed to say – the 6’1” white male with a beard?
I find it funny that some people have a problem with saying somebody is of a particular race. Picture this: you are at a table with nine white guys and a black guy, and the black guy just told a funny story, leaving the other people in stitches. A stranger walks buy and asks you what happened, and you reply, “Bob just told a funny joke.” The stranger then says, “Who’s Bob?” What do you say – the man with the green pants and brown Polo shirt? No, you say “the black guy.” It’s funny to see some people squirm around this subject.
When I was at community college, my feminazi school newspaper adviser was trying to describe to a student what the subject of his upcoming feature story looked like. She first said, “he’s big,” followed by “he has a beard.” I couldn’t take it anymore and blurted out “he’s black.” Of course, he was one of two or three black professors at this place. The group of students sitting around me just started laughing out loud at how our liberal prof skirted around the most distinctive characteristic this guy had.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 71: NY Untouchable
Nice enough kid. Besides, I need to somehow make up for breaking his heart by voting against him in the first round of this year’s Poster Tournament. If that wasn't enough, to add insult to injury, I eventually offed him in the second round. What better way to make up for this by putting him on my list? Of course, he’ll probably bitch about being in this low a slot, which if that’s the case then fuck him.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• When Hurricane Katrina hit, some in the medical profession decided to play God and started offing some of their more serious-case patients when they determined there was no way to escape and that a morphine overdose is a better way to go out than drowning. And you know what? As of this moment I’m siding with the medical professionals. I can’t even begin to comprehend what these people were going through and they were probably doing what they thought was best for the moment. Who is to say any of us would have acted any differently? Hell, most of us would have probably high-tailed it out of there long ago. Did these people exercise the best judgment in this situation? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not going to play armchair quarterback in this case, though. Too bad ass-clowns like John Murtha don’t exercise the same restraint when commenting on events like Haditha.
• Man I can’t wait until my morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returns from vacation on Monday because I know what will be one of the first things he talks about: How a pistol-packing civilian stopped some psycho from stabbing a bunch of co-workers at a grocery store in Tennessee. Long story short: This guy was chasing another person with a knife when a guy named Chris Cope grabbed a gun from his truck and subdued the attacker. However, my favorite quote came from this Sergeant who said of Cope:
FUCK YOU buddy. If I have some guy chasing me around a parking lot with a big-ass knife, I don’t want to wait until the police arrive onto the scene; I want a Second Amendment advocate to show my attacker the benefits of concealed firearms.
• My local newspaper yesterday told the story of this Montana family that purchased a $33,000 house in the Shittsburgh area based solely on Internet photographs. Surprise, surprise, when they actually got to this residence, the place was filthy, falling apart and had devices like the water heater in unusable condition. I could understand perhaps moving to an area out of state and relying on Internet pictures for a rental property that required no advance deposits; that’s what we did when we moved to Ohio, and everything turned out fine and dandy. However, there’s no way in hell I’m purchasing any property without at least going to the actual site and looking over the area once with my own eyes.
7:30 p.m.
• Oh this better not start a trend.
That is, unless this TV prez gets killed.
• And yet we continue to bitch about $3/gallon gasoline.
Well, this ruling is by the 9th Circus, so there is a chance it'll get overturned.
• Gee, what’s this? A tax that didn’t do what it was supposed to do? I’m shocked. Boy, I can’t wait for this FREE government health care.
• Don't you know that forbidding prayer while at work during unscheduled breaks is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
I really don't care about all this shit, but what caught my eye was this guy's name.
12:15 p.m.
• So I just heard on the NFL Network that you can get 177 different words from Houshmandez. Damn.
• I goofed on Philly's mayor a while back regarding his waiting in like for an iPhone. All is forgiven.
This year's contest will be run the same way as it was run last year -- rules are at the end of this entry. The only change of note is that if I'm convinced a person has dropped out of the contest, even if their Emergency Picks aren't over their limit, I'm going to give their team to someone else. (For example, if someone has a 1-5 record and misses the next 2-3 games, I'm not going to bother to wait until their EPs are over the limit to give their team to someone else, which happened a few times last season.) If you participated in last year's contest and didn't violate your emergency pick limit, you have dibs on re-claiming your team for this year. Returning vets have until August 24 to re-claim thier team. Below is a list of who was on what team last year.
If you didn't participate in last year's contest and are interested in taking an open team, just give a shout-out in this thread: it's first come first serve. If you're a n00b, don't express your interest in this blog entry. Currently there are three open spots -- Vikings, Raiders, and Chiefs -- but I think there could be a few more openings, so even if you didn't get in now still post your interest and if anyone should lose their team this regular season due to inactivity, I will give dibs to whichever n00bs signed up but weren't able to claim a team. If you were in last year's contest, maxed out your emergency picks, and want another chance, I'm not going to consider your entry request until after August 24 when all vets and n00bs have a chance to join.
AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron)
Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff)
New England Patriots (Nl-asshole)
New York Jets (Gert T)
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens (Dr. Tom)
Cincinnati Bengals (Teke)
Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack)
Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus)
AFC SOUTH
Houston Texans (Bored)
Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle)
Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off)
Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx)
AFC WEST
Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris)
Kansas City Chiefs
Oakland Raiders
San Diego Chargers (Porter)
NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (Marvin Is A Lunatic)
New York Giants (Cartman)
Philadelphia Eagles: (The Real World's Champion)
Washington Redskins (Human Fly)
NFC NORTH
Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion)
Detroit Lions (Bravesfan)
Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X)
Minnesota Vikings
NFC SOUTH
Atlanta Falcons (King of the 909)
Carolina Panthers (Fazzle)
New Orleans Saints (Cena's Writer)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger)
NFC WEST
Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne)
San Francisco 49ers (Agent Bond34)
Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya 04)
St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist)
RULES 'N STUFF
1) 32 TSM'ers pick their own NFL team to represent and are placed in their respective divisions.
2) Each week during the NFL season every person submits their weekly picks as to which teams will win for that week. You make picks for all the games for that week. If your claimed team has a bye week, then you don't submit picks.
3) Your picks are matched up against the picks of the person your team is matched up against. Whoever has the most correct picks wins the matchup.
(For example: In Week 1, Shittsburgh plays Miami. TSM poster Kahran Ramsus has claimed the Steelers and TSM poster Spaceman Spiff has claimed the Dolphins, so for Week 1 their picks go head to head. Kahran correctly picks the winners of 8 games and Spiff correctly picks 10 winners. Spiff wins the matchup to go 1-0 in the regular season. Kahran loses and goes 0-1.)
4) The rules will be just like the NFL -- Only division winners and two wild card teams from each conference will get to make the post-season, etc.
5) Not only will you submit your picks, but also, as a tie-breaker, you will predict how many points your team will score that week. If you and your opponent picked the same amount of games correctly for one week, the person who more accurately predicted how many points their team would score for that week wins the matchup. If both TSMers are tied after this, then the matchup is a tie.
(For example: In Week 1, Atlanta and Carolina play each other. That means King of the 909 and fazzle are matched up against one another. Both TSM'ers correctly picked 9 winners, so they are tied. Now it's time to go to the tie-breaker. 909 predicted the Falcons would score 10 points and Fazzle predicted the Panthers would score 20 points. The actual score of the game was ATL 13, CAR 26. Therefore, 909 wins the matchup because he had the more accurate tie-breaker: 3 points to Fazzle's 6. It doesn't matter if you go over or under your team's score. All that matters is if you are closer to you team's score than your opponent's.)
6) Instead of picking the outright winners of each NFL game, there will be point spread with each NFL game. I'm hoping giving under-powered teams a few extra points might encourage some TSMers to pick them instead of going with a favored team.
7) The end-of-season tiebreakers will be the same as the NFL's (division record, conference record, etc.)
8) Before the season begins, you will have to submit a set of "Emergency Picks." I'll explain this to any n00bs that claim a team via PM.
7:30 p.m.
• Christ, like I don’t stay home enough already – just got off the phone with the Comcast guy for this package deal. For the past year I’ve had this $100/month deal (fuck this $99.99 shit) where I got Digital Cable, Internet and phone service all under the Comcast umbrella. This deal expires tomorrow and I was eligible for a Digital Premier Bundle for $160/month. I will now be getting all the HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, TMC, Encore and Starz channels, along with an upgraded tier of digital channels and a DVR. Now I really don’t care that much about getting premium channels – when Mrs. kkk and I moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003, we took this special offer from Comcast where we got Digital Cable and some premium channels for a cheap price for six months. Once this expired we cancelled the digital service and went on with life. What made me take this service is that the aforementioned $100/month deal is ending and the normal cost for this stuff is somewhere around $120/month – why not do an extra $40 and get all this other stuff. Remember, it’s not so much being a Jew with your money but rather the kind of value you get.
4:15 p.m.
• So with this being third full season where I’ve been mowing the yard, I’m actually surprised to learn that I don’t mind doing this shit during the summer months. I thought the spring/fall seasons would be more acceptable to me because I hate humidity. However, the summer months also features a dry lawn, which makes cutting so much more easier than when my grass-killing contraption clogs up with damp grass every 10 feet of mowing.
• I read this in the paper today and just had to share the best parts
So the local RIGHT-WING RADIO morning guy I normally listen to from 6-9 a.m. is on vacation this week and he brought in a sub host, which is good because I’d rather listen to some guy who, although may not be all that entertaining, is much better than hearing some hippie “best of” show. I guess the guy slept in or something because for the first hour of the show I was hearing a “best of” from the sub host’s week on the show! Well this gave me a chance to scan the other talk-radio stations that are on at 6 a.m. Since the other “newsy” stations were playing hard news, I went to my second option: the sports-talk world. My God was that a mistake. Whenever someone complains about RIGHT-WING RADIO, they need to listen to this shit.
I first went to the ESPN radio affiliate in Shittsburgh, and then I headed over to the Fox Sports Radio station. Both spent entire segments dedicated to Alex Rodriguez and why he sucks. Jesus Christ get over yourselves. I’ve been an A-Rod fan since he was in Seattle (or at least as big a "fan" as I can get with professional athletes), and although I’m not going to buy his jersey anytime soon I feel for him in a way due to all the shit he puts up with from idiot fans and the media. OMG He’s making $25 million – we should be putting that money to our schools and saving the children; not paying ball players for playing a kids’ game! Fuck all you player-hating bitches. Just because some Texas owner overpaid a bit for him a few years back these class-warfare simpletons think that gives them enough reason to hate someone for taking the big payday. What really got me was when both radio stations were talking about how Mike Mussina supposedly called out A-Rod and a costly throwing error he committed in a recent game. So there I was waiting with baited breath at what this pitcher said, which was:
These sports radio people then proceeded to dissect this sound bite every which way. Goddamn. Don’t you people EVER bitch about a RIGHT-WING RADIO host goofing on some politician speaking on one of those Sunday morning news shows that nobody watches. It’s not like this is going to be the next McNabb/T.O. – the guy’s struggling in the field a bit and his teammate said that Rodriguez knows he can play better than how he is at the moment. Big deal. I’ve said before that I don’t consider myself to be a Yankee fan, but I don’t hate this “evil empire” because their owner likes to spend money. After hearing this shit for about 30 minutes, I turned back to the RIGHT-WING station to listen to a segment I had heard the day before. I now hope that A-Rod can stop doing his “Barry Bonds as a Pirate in postseason play” impersonation and win a World Series for his team by hitting .750 with 10 home runs in a four-game sweep of whatever team the National League throws his way this October. Maybe then he’ll get some breathing room to sunbathe in public.
Oh, and for the “A-Fraud” nation out there: he just became the youngest player to hit 450 round-trippers and has just notched his 2000th hit. And even if this guy never wins a championship, he has lived the American dream and will enjoy the rest of his life thanks to the fruits of his labor on the baseball field. How many of you will be able to retire by the time you’re 40?
11 p.m.
• So I was listening to an archived Dennis Miller radio show from earlier this week, and he had a few callers talk about their days working at a GM/Chrysler/etc. plant, where the unions don’t care what goes on as long as you pay your dues. Were these callers really ex-Big Labor workers? Who knows. But my favorite was this chick who said, “I was the first manager at Chrysler, err, I mean a major automotive plant.” Oh, that was smooth. She said “Big plant” once more, then Miller said, “Was it Chrysler.” Great delivery – made me laugh out loud.
Later on in the afternoon I was listening to a local RIGHT-WING RADIO host who was taking calls from some PISSED OFF people because their government schools were going to be invaded by some city folk. Here’s the story in more detail.
Part of me feels for these people who are about to have more students go to their school. Duquesne is a shit hole, and I’m sure these students will drag down the quality of the other two schools they populate, even though I’m not sure how good West Mifflin and East Allegheny are regarding academics. I'm sure people who call these detractors "RACISTS" would do the same thing if a similar event would take place in their township. However, this is what happens when your child is enrolled in a government school. The show's highlight was some kid who was reading from a piece of paper about something-or-other about this issue to the host. The host asked, “are you reading off a piece of paper?” The caller said no, which prompted the host to say, “it sounds like you’re reading something to me.” The caller responded, “It’s all from the brain,” then made that “Ptttth" noise you make with your tongue before hanging up the phone. It’s times like this when I love local radio.
Speaking of talk radio, the other day some caller to Mark Madden’s show suggested that the Pens top draft pick (some center) should be the starting center while Sidney Crosby, the league MVP, moves over to a wing position. Did I mention that sometimes there is nothing funnier than local talk radio? And what’s on the horizon – Steelers training camp. Time to over-analyze every training camp drill and keep track of which players drink the most Gatorade.
10:30 p.m.
• Shit. This is the sort of thing that gives local governments more money from Uncle Sam.
Speaking of managing money, I just found out today that the "miscellaneous" part of my department's budget includes the ink cartridges I order for my office printer. What's odd about this? Every other ink cartridge in our organization gets paid for out of the general office supply budget. I don't think my "So am I going to be billed for the paper, pens and paper clips I use?" didn't help matters much. Then again, I'm not allowed to spend any money in my budget anyway, and neither is my poor co-worker, who got the third degree for a recent business trip when he dared to put down hotel and fuel costs on an expense report.
10 p.m.
• So the better half was arguing with me over the meaning of “hot” when it comes to describing someone’s attractiveness. She contended that “hot” meant, in guy speak, “I sure want to fuck that chick,” adding that words like “pretty,” “attractive,” and “good-looking” mean that the male doesn’t want to stick his thingy in the stink box as much. After pondering this for a few seconds, I had to disagree. I always considered “hot” to be a general slang term. Now if a guy says any of the other terms, I would contend that person wants to have sex even more because he actually took the time to think of these more descriptive words. You can say that anyone is “hot,” but to take the time and tell a woman that they are “pretty” or “attractive” seemed to get the panties wetter faster. Then again, you can just get them drunk and wait until they pass out and not have to worry about any of this.
• The fact this guy is a University of Cincy student doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
I remember applying for a number of UC jobs during my time in Ohio, and each time I was given an Authoritve Blacktion card to let them know what race I was. After sending in a few of these, I decided to just start filling in other races other than the mighty whitey category. I wonder if they HR people actually believed an Eskimo was applying for work at their institution.
3:30 p.m.
• So a while back I applied for this one job that I never heard back from except for when I got the “Your resume is impressive but you suck” letter. In fact, it came so long after I applied, it took me a while to remember when I first sent my resume out. A few months later (my rejection letter came around late February/early March), I noticed in the newspaper that the same job was advertised again (this was sometime in April). I chuckled to myself figuring the “ideal candidate” they picked didn’t work out. I looked through the classifieds last night and guess what I read? Yep. The same place looking for the same position. Now either this place is expanding at such a rapid rate they need to triple the staff for this position or they are such a clusterfuck to work for that the turnover rate is just as bad as the Houston Texans (or whoever led the league in this category last year). Sometimes the job you get passed over for is the best thing that could ever happen.
• So Eddie Murphy is now going to marry that Scary Spice chick? Ha, I always knew she was a dude in drag. Besides, I preferred the one who married David Beckham.
• Last night I finally saw that South Park episode that Chef quit over; the one where Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet. Goddamn, I was expecting something much worse than that. I’ve always liked the Mormon-bashing myself (dum dum dum dum dum). I haven’t watch South Park with any regularity since Season 7, so I didn’t catch this episode when it was first run. Then when Chef quit and Comedy Central pulled the plug on re-airing the show a few months ago I was jilted from watching it. I consider myself a South Park fan, and I love Matt and Trey’s sense of humor, but I hope they end this series before it gets old. I’d be interested to know how they would end this series; hopefully, they will get the time to do a good send-off, rather than receiving the “Married With Children” treatment.
• FIFA gave the Frenchie who retired from the sport after head-butting an opponent a three-game suspension, but gave the WAP who called him a dirty terrorist (allegedly) two games. The hell?
• Finally, a great idea regarding that whole “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us” crowd. But let’s take it a few steps further. Let’s send back to Africa anyone who’s still pissed that their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy got captured by a rival tribe on the dark continent and shipped off to whitey. Hell, even if you weren’t from Africa I’d have no problem with you going over there and catching the AIDS or getting your arms chopped off by rebels in some piece of land that changes names every other week.
• I recently heard that some people from Oklahoma City bought the Seattle Sonics. (Or are they back to being “Super”?) And there’s talk about them moving to Dama territory. I don’t know much about the Seattle area, but it seems like the team is whining because the city doesn’t want to fund a new arena, so when the lease expires to their current place expires, David Stern and friends will take their ball and go home, or at least to the Midwest. If the WNBA Seattle Storm follows suit, I wonder if this will still go on at the new place? Damn you Sandmann9000 for exposing me to this shit.
• So the headline to this story says Bush knows many blacks mistrust GOP. Of course, Republicans want welfare eliminated and people to go to work. At least they do when there’s a Democrat President in the White House.
• Perhaps the Minutemen should take as much care watching where their funds travel as they do documenting when illegals cross over into America. In a way, this might be an encouraging sign. With corruption at the top levels of management, perhaps the Minuteman movement is gaining momentum. All we need now are a few sex scandals or something and perhaps Bush might make them a part of Homeland Security.
3 p.m.
• So my one co-worker died on Friday at the age of 48. No, I didn't hate her. We didn't talk much, but I have nothing bad to say, even though from what I heard she didn't do all that much work. Whatever. Not my problem. Don't care. Now our organization, which prides itself on being a close-knit "family," a crock of shit if there ever was one, just went to view her body at the funeral home. Everyone, that is, except me. Like I said before, I have nothing against her, but we rarely, if ever, interacted. I learned a long time ago to separate business from personal life at this place, which is a shame because I actually like being friends with the people I work with (ask Swift Terror, who would probably regret knowing me). Did I do the wrong thing? If you say "yes," I wouldn't argue (much), but when a place squashes any kind of camaradie and runs an impersonal, uncaring atmosphere, don't be shocked when the help acts accordingly.
• If you thought that last blurb was depressing, and you loathe the current Mexican invasion into the U.S. of A., then this video clip won’t be much better. But hey, it’s got the Benny Hill theme, so it’s all good.
9 a.m.
• You know, I don’t think I’d want to be employed at a brothel for women, aside from the fact I would probably get no work whatsoever. Think about it. You would probably have to bang fat chicks, and you wouldn’t be able to get drunk beforehand.
And how exactly does a male brothel work? If your man finishes before you do, does a sub come in –– I would guess a chick pays for a certain amount of time. I have always assumed a female prostitute charges per ejaculation. And I didn't even make one "liquor license" joke.
