• So I was listening to some RIGHT-WING RADIO today, and I heard this gem from Nancy Pelosi, “We have two oil men in the White House … The logical follow up from that is $3/gallon gasoline. It is no accident. It is a cause and effect.” How the fuck did this bitch ever get elected. Oh, yeah. California.
• Swift Terror recently talked about getting some kid to mow his lawn (dude, your yard isn’t that big, you lazy piece of shit), and I would strongly advice against it. When the better half and I moved into our house in July of 2004, the old couple we bought the house from kept it in very good shape. Well, the upstairs bathroom looks like it is a relic from the 1970s, but that’s no big deal; those people had trouble going up stairs and didn't care much about that part of the house. Anyway, one thing they didn’t do anything about for a month or so was their yard, and frankly I don’t blame them. Anyway, when we moved in one of the things we had to get was a lawn mover – we had always rented and never had to deal with cutting grass. Our thinking was instead of buying a mower and weed whacker then having to move it along with our other furniture and belongings, we would just buy these products once everything else gets settled in.
Well, a day or so after everything was moved into the new house, and we were in the process of unpacking, this kid came up to our house and asked if we wanted our lawn mowed. I had to laugh because God only knows what the neighbors thought of our neglectful ways regarding lawn care. I said “oh what the heck,” and agreed to have the kid cut our lawn. After all, it would just be one thing out of the way and I could focus on settling in. The kid came over a day or so later on one of those mowers you drive instead of push. A short time later he was done and I paid him. Then I went outside and took a gander at what he did. Ugh. Uneven patches of grass were everywhere, the edges of the lawn weren’t trimmed and there was no consistent mowing pattern. I appreciate the entrepreneurship of this kid, but damn he did a shitty job. I will say however that something good came out of this – he motivated me to soon thereafter purchase some landscaping equipment of my own.
• A while back I gave my opinion of Talker Magazine's best of RIGHT-WING RADO list and one of the people I didn't (and couldn't) comment on was some guy named Dave Ramsey. Well, since I recently discovered WPIT in Shittsburgh, which carries his show in the afternoons, I now give him my seal of approval. Basically, he's a money-management guy. Nothing too exciting, but after listening to politics and sports discussion all day, this is a nice change of pace; he's like a younger Bruce Williams -- MUCH younger.
Oh, and on Ramsey's show today, he mentioned that 550 WKRC in Cincinnati, which carries his show from 10 p.m. - midnight is having an on-line poll asking who should take over the 9 a.m. - noon timeslot now open since Tony Snow left his radio show for other career opportunities. Even though I no longer live in the southwest Ohio region, I'm sure you all know who I voted for.
• Ha. Eminent Domain isn’t just for kicking some 90-year-old widow out of the home where she has lived for the past 70 years. Now Big Government is going after Big Business. Funny. This is like when the irresistible force meets the unmovable object.
• Might as well do some updates to my video gaming sports franchises. My hockey team is starting to turn itself around. I am now tied for eighth place in the Eastern Conference, and traded away Ryan Malone for Erik Cole, who is a much better defensive forward than Malone was. The good thing about this trade that now if I go up against a team whose first line has a “crash the net” strategy I put Cole in the first line to help defend against these hosses. If not, I usually put him on the second line and have Tomas Surovy up on the first line. For my football franchise, I was cruising along at 9-0 when I came across a game that I couldn’t play it because it would freeze up whenever loading. I noticed that if I play the Ravens in Week 15 during a season this bug happens. Now it looks like if the Browns are my Week 11 opponent, it will do the same. So, I simmed the week, and even though I won handedly, Alan Faneca is out for 9 weeks and James Farrior is out for the season. Yay.
My baseball franchise is a different matter because I’ve decided to not only play at the Major League Level, but also I’m playing all of the Pirates’ minor-league teams, even the Lynchburg Hillcats. The funny thing is I actually enjoy playing the minor-league games more because the players are prone to errors and such. I’m not sure how I’m going to go about adjusting sliders for more realistic game play; I adjust sliders after every season in Madden, and I’ll probably do the same for NHL ’06. However, I might just wait until the start of every calendar month to tweak the sliders for MVP ’05. Either way, I’m having some great games, albeit on the low-scoring side. But then again, not every game has to be an 11-10 slugfest. I was worried that I had the game set too easy at the Pro level, but after being swept by the Cubs (and getting shut out in the last two games by Wood and Prior) I think I’ll keep things right where they are.
• I don’t watch many first-run television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I stopped watching The Shield a few weeks into its latest season because I missed a few episodes and figured it’ll just be better to wait until it comes out on DVD and get it then. That’s what I did with Lost, and so far I’m almost three discs into the first season. I don’t think it’s as good as I heard some people say it is, but it was a worthwhile purchase nevertheless, especially since I got it during the Christmas season and for a great deal. I’m only several episodes into this season, but I already like Sawyer. For some reason I gravitate to the characters you’re supposed to hate. That was the case with me and the Dr. Romano character on ER. For the brief time I watched this show in the late 1990s-early ‘00s, the only reason I tuned in to watch this with the better half was to laugh at whatever politically incorrect, mean-spirited thing this guy had to say. It’s funny because other than Romano and that grumpy ex-cop-turned-receptionist, I didn’t give two shits about anyone on that show. In fact, I found just about everyone else on that show so dislikeable that I enjoyed seeing them wallow around in their own misery and self-pity. Like I said before, I haven’t seen all the episodes from season one of Lost, but is there a point to the hippie polar bears? A simple “yes” or “no” response will suffice.
• Yesterday I goofed on a few radio commercials, and today I need to vent about some television ads that are pushing me toward the edge. Now I personally think jewelry is a colossal waste of money and that anyone who buys this over-priced crap is a fool. However, I purchase my share of stupid things, so who am I to judge? Anyway, disagree with me about buying jewelry – that’s fine. But don’t argue with me over how annoying some of the ads promoting this product are. The brand that annoys me the worst is Jared. First off, I had no idea until a year or so ago that there was a jewelry store named after a guy who lost weight eating Veggie Delights. And to make matters worse, Jared’s ads are awful. All they consist of is some chick running around saying, “He went to Jared!” with parents, siblings and jealous friends repeating the line in different tones. The worst of the worst has to be that commercial with the chick at some hippie party getting her panties wet over every ring/earring/necklace she sees, with the other women point to their men and saying, “He went to Jared.” At the end of the commercial this bitch walks up to her husband, who has no clue what’s going on, and drops something in his drink. I hope he beats the ever-loving shit out of her when they get home because she needs it; the only rock she should get is one from the backyard right to her dome.
But the people at Jared look like a marketing geniuses next to Kay Jewelers. I don’t care too much of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day because, well, I don’t give two shits about my family. However, I can’t wait for Mother’s Day to arrive because I’m getting ready to turn violent over Kay’s one Mother’s Day-themed ad. It starts out with this guy taking his wife to the garage, where their brats are playing music and singing, “You’re the most awesome mom in the world, happy Mother’s Day.” Christ I haven’t heard a more annoying sound in quite sometime, and what kind of fucked up family would do something like this? The gang that lives a house or two down from me symbolizes more what a typical family is like. It was around midnight earlier this week when I got to hear that family talk about how the mother found a stash of drugs in the one son’s room. I wish Kay would make a song from the lyrics I heard that night: “I fucking hate you you fucking twat and I can’t wait until I leave this fucking place!” Oh, yeah. All together now: “Happy Mother’s Day!”
• Speaking of Mother’s Day, tomorrow I get to partake in a tradition the better half’s family had engaged in for years. Every Mother’s Day the in-laws gather up the family and we go to some restaurant. I’m not complaining. After all, it’s a free meal, and the entertainment will be provided courtesy of the crack-whore sister-in-law. Hopefully she won’t be totally doped up and start a fight with someone there. I also think that this will be the first time she will be near the better half since our wedding last June; a wedding where she stormed out of the church and caused one of those magical family moments that you just treasure for the rest of your life. Oh, and for the record, the person who stormed out was the crack-whore, not Mrs. kkk, although you couldn’t blame her since she was marrying me. Hopefully there will be some action tomorrow and I’ll be able to have tomorrow’s entry write itself with minimal effort.
• Since message boards and blogs were meant for stupid lists of “favorite” and “not-so-favorite” things, coming soon will be KKK’s Top 103 Posters. A list so exciting, so heart-stopping, so utterly magnificent in production value that you will tune in two, or maybe even three, times to relive the drama and intrigue over and over and over again. Well, maybe not three “overs” because that would mean you tuned in four times … eh, you get the idea.
• All I can say is thank God for vacation time/sick days. This morning as I was getting ready for work I was thinking to myself, “Do you really have to do this today?” Of course this week I have a lot of projects due, but I’m one of those saps that likes to get things done ahead of time so I don’t end up running around like a chicken with its head cut off at the last minute trying to get a bunch of pisspoor work turned in. In addition, I get a certain amount of vacation days per year, and they have to be used up by December 31 or else I lose them. Now while many people at my place of employment choose to use a bunch up for a week or two off, I prefer to spread mine around. After all, why take a week off when you’ll end up having to work twice as hard for a week once you get back to work and have finish up the stack of assignments that were put on your desk while you were out and about? But I digress.
As I was making my morning commute I was right on schedule at around the 10- to 15-minute mark of my daily workweek drive. However, that’s when everything came to a literal grinding halt. I take Route 30 West, which passes by an Interstate Highway. I don’t go on I-376 West but it’s a nice marker to gauge my commute time. Well, about several miles before the Interstate exit, traffic was at a standstill in a place where it shouldn’t be. With the pouring rain, the better half and I figured this gridlock was probably due to an accident. The time was 6:15 a.m.; we were running a little behind schedule, but nothing serious. The time then became 6:20, then 6:30, then 6:40, and we haven’t moved an inch. Well, to be fair, we did move up a little bit, but that was because motorists in front of me were turning around and driving away. In addition, I was looking a few traffic lights down at this big white truck and noticed that during all this time it hadn’t moved an inch due to the traffic. It was now 6:55 and there was no sign of any vehicles in front of me moving forward. In addition, the traffic reports from a variety of radio stations weren’t mentioning anything about this backup, probably because it wasn’t on an Interstate – damn liberal media bias. Anyway, as a few more vehicles did U-Turns and high-tailed it out of there I was faced with a dilemma: Stay the course or turn around. The reason this became an issue was because if I were to move up I’d be away from the four-way intersection I was next to and unable to turn around if I felt like doing so. I figured it’s days like this that vacation days are made for, I turned around and headed back home. As I was driving back I took a look at the traffic that accumulated behind me up since I began waiting, and quite a lot of fossil fuel was wasted on this day.
Another reason I decided to stay home was that an additional accident took place on a road that I have to take to get to work. For those familiar with the Shittsburgh, area, an accident on the Fort Pitt Bridge was bringing outbound traffic to a standstill, and this accident was first reported at 6:30. By 8 a.m. it still hadn’t cleared and traffic was limited to just one lane. Sometimes the Gods make it apparent they don’t want you to work on a certain day, and who am I to question them?
KKK's Top 103 Posters List
Number 102: T®ITEC
I don’t see T®ITEC online all that much, which is odd considering Utah isn’t exactly a hotbed of social activity, unless you’re a Mormon with 10 wives and it’s “date night” at your compound. Anyway, I did have the fortune of speaking to her a few times on AIM, and she’s a nice enough gal. Because females are few and far between on places like Internet Message Boards, it’s always nice to get their perspective on relationship issues, and T®ITEC is no exception, considering her high kinky score and the offering of sage advice like “stop trying to fuck anything that talks to you, and aim a little higher.” Another plus is that she’s a cat person, which is never a bad thing. And she hates children, which is always a good thing. I still don't know how to type that hippie ® though -- thank God for "copy and paste."
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• It’s been revealed that William Jefferson, Democrat, Louisiana, is on tape accepting bribe money or something. I guess this means in the next election he’ll win by a bigger margin than in previous campaigns.
• I normally don’t like Pardon The Interruption’s “5 Good Minutes” segment, but today’s interview with A.J. Pierzynski was great, especially when they started talking about Jay Mariotti and how he never frequents the White Sox locker room.
• Just heard on SportsCenter that the horse who broke his leg this past weekend is checking out the chick horses in his stable, which the vets said is a good sign. I say it doesn’t mean anything. Even when a man’s on his deathbed, he’s still going to check out his nurse’s cleavage.
• This is what is wrong with people – we’re too fat and lazy to check anything. For example, did you know that a 6.5-ounce serving of YoCrunch Low Fat yogurt with Nestle crunch candy pieces has 210 calories? Let me repeat that: a low fat yogurt with NESTLE CRUNCH CANDY PIECES. I get this brand of yogurt every now and then, but I treat this product more of a snack and know that this isn’t the greatest thing in the world for me. However, it could be worse, I could eat an entire Nestle Crunch bar.
• I’m going to defend Congress on this one. According to the article, “The House was to vote late Monday on the bill, which requires that state and local preparedness offices take into account pet owners, household pets and service animals when drawing up evacuation plans.” Being the owner of three cats, I’d make sure they have space on the rescue boat than many of the products I saw of our Great Society during Katrina. At least I know when I give Dessa, JJ, and Max shelter, food and water, they won’t end up stealing my television. Breaking it? Maybe. But not stealing it for crack or some bling.
• The Miami Heat made it to the NBA Finals for the first time in franchise history. Now I thought Pat Riley pulled a bitch move by kicking out Stan Van Gundy as Heat head coach last year, but in the end it got the team to where they wanted to be, so unless you’re last name begins with a "G" and rhymes with “Undy,” there’s nothing much else you can say.
• I tend to bring up some not-so-flattering sides of the better half on occasion (see my “Cost of Relationship” entry), but I also like to point out the good instances. Friday was her last day at a job she hated because her cunt boss has made work for her a living hell for the last year or so. When conducting her exit interview with human resources yesterday, she handed over a six-page, 3,750-word letter on the unprofessional conduct her supervisor demonstrated during her time at the job. It really was a thing of beauty. I told Mrs. kkk for months to compose something like this, but she didn’t want to, mostly because she likes to avoid conflict whenever possible at her places of employment. Well, that all came to a screeching halt a few months ago when her bitch boss wrote her up for “excessive absenteeism.” Of course, by “excessive absenteeism,” she meant using the excess hours she had worked the week before to take a day off. This fired her up so much I couldn’t get her to stop documenting and outlining all the inappropriate things her boss had done since October of 1993. After I put my finishing touches on the letter, it went to the HR department, which is where it will probably wither on the vine. After all, the only people more worthless than a company’s marketing division are its human resource employees. But even if nothing is done about this, this was a nice stress-reliever for the better half as she left this shit hole of a job.
• I guess God is getting sick and tired of hearing Pat Robertson predict upcoming natural disasters upon the infidels of this world. Who can blame him? (Or her, whatever the deity's case may be.)
• Oh, bullshit. This guy gets cleared of rape/kidnapping charges and is freed from prison after 14 years and says after being awarded a $14+ million settlement that it “wasn’t about the money?” Like hell it wasn’t. This brought up an interesting thought though – would you want to be wrongly convicted of a crime and spent a dozen or so years in jail only to be cleared of any wrongdoing thanks to DNA evidence if it meant getting a $10+ million payday? I don’t know how to respond to this. After all, you would have lost a decade or so of your life, but that only means the rest of your life will be set, providing you don’t spend your cash settlement on hookers and booze within the first month.
Just when I thought I was turning into a commie, I get thrust back into reality. Yesterday I had to drive to a pharmacy about 15-20 minutes away from my house to pick up a prescription for my one cat who’s suffering from a urinary tract infection. As I was turning onto the road leading up to this store, I noticed this long, silver-haired guy standing on a corner with a sign reading something like, “2000 soldiers dead is 2000 too much,” or something of that nature. After my pleasant visit to the pharmacy (the vet screwed up the dosage amount or something; I was then told that it would take at least an hour to fill and that they would deliver the drugs to my house) I got the chance to drive past this idiot. Remembering the good ol’ days back when I lived at Sappy Valley, which had a student protest about something-or-other several times a week, I got to re-live the vigor of my youth. As I was waiting patiently by the yield sign where he was standing, I pointed at him, laughed and yelled, “Get a job, hippie!” The rest of the drive home was gravy.
This made me think back to all the good times I had making fun of protesters and their stupid causes. Now I doubt nothing will be better than the time I took a “Free Mumia” flyer from some pseudo-hippie during one of those Penn State marches, shoved it down my pants, wiped my crack with it, and gave it back to dumbfounded protestor-ette. However, there was another time that ranks right up there. I mentioned this story a few times at the TSM boards, but it bears repeating so here I go again.
[Flashback mode on]
I was manning some stupid booth for a school club I was part of during my college days when suddenly, about 20 or so feet across from me, these two bald-headed women from the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PARTY started setting up their stand to pass out propaganda to the mindless teens and twenty-somethings that roamed the halls. Now this duo had all the usual posters up for leftist causes like “Free Mumia,” “Abortion is a choice,” and “Lift the embargo on Cuba.” However, they had one that pissed me off, and that was “Jail the cops who killed Johnny Gammage.” Now back around 1995, there was the Steeler – Ray Seals – who had a cousin that got pulled over in the middle of the night by a group of Shittsburgh PO-lice. Instead of doing what the officers told him to do, Gammage started some shit with them. One thing led to another and the PO-lice eventually had Gammage pinned to the road, where he died of asphyxiation. The day before my booth-sitting one of the officers, John Vojtas, got acquitted. (Or was it a mistrial? I forget.) This of course pissed off just about every lefty out there. Now I guess it was a shame the guy died and all, but it could have been prevented if he didn’t start shit with the cops. So to that I say fuck him. Anyway, I had been hearing this hippie psychobabble for a day or so now, and when you’re in a liberal arts shithole like I was in, days can seem like years. (Here's some background info on the case: Link 1. Link 2.
It was at this time when a chick I knew came up and we started talking. I went to get several pieces of paper, some tape and a Sharpie. As she saw me write in large letters “Vojtas Acquitted: One Down, Three To Go,” she started laughing and said, “You’re on you own.” I taped the sign up to my booth, sat back and waited. About 10 minutes went by when I got my first threat by some black chick. Another five or so minutes went by before I got my second threat. These exchanges were nothing note-worthy; just garbage like “What’s this?” and “You think the cops are innocent?” Each time I politely responded and said that Gammage could have prevented his death by obeying the officers. Another person came up to me shortly thereafter and threatened to rip my sign down, to which I smiled and said, “Well then I’ll just make another.” That didn’t go over too well. After a few more threats, the Assistant to the Dean of Students visited me and told me to take my sign down. When I asked why she replied, “Because I’ve been getting complaints all morning about it.” When I pointed out that the feminazis across from me had similar inflammatory rhetoric posted, this pencil pusher said, “They reserved that booth to talk about those subjects, you didn’t reserve this booth to do that.” When I pointed out that the Gammage decision took place yesterday and I doubted that the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PATY reserved that booth as late as yesterday afternoon to talk about the Gammage mistrial, this lady looked at me, sighed and said, “If I tell them to take their sign down will you take yours down, too?” It was at that point I cashed in my chips. Gee, I had always thought that Academia encouraged free thought and expression. For the record I did get one voice of support, but that was from a kid who probably grew up to be a bigger curmudgeon than me. Hey, I’ll take what I can get.
[/Flashback mode off]
Now back to yesterday's events. The pharmacy people screwed up my address, so instead of getting those meds I mentioned above at 6:30 p.m., which was when I was told they would be delivered, they didn’t show up until 8 p.m., and that was after I had to give the courier directions over the phone three separate times, which is unfortunate because my house is just a shot across Route 30. Then again, if you’re looking for “Fourth” Drive instead of “Forrest” Drive, you might be in your vehicle for a while. Also, the delivery guy had a Ben Roethlisberger t-shirt on; I guess he was hoping the power of the shirt would help Big Ben’s surgical efforts.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 80: The Franchise
The Franchise: He’s one of those British people, and I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond. However, he has seemed harmless enough, and we’ve even chatted a few times via AIM. Problem was our conversations were short-lived due to those wacky time zones; each time he AIM’d me it was time for me to leave work (and yes, that was the real reason). He seemed like a nice guy, but not nice enough for me to stay past my shift and gab with.
• Rush, Rush, Rush, what am I ever going to do with you? I guess I should be grateful that you weren’t caught with Oxycontin. Oh well, I might as well get this one out of the way: “I always knew he was a member of the hard Right, but this is taking it a bit too far.”
• The Johnstown Tribune-Democrat, in the midst of a design change, might drop the "Democrat" from its name. Hopefully, this won’t be the only Democrat in the region dropped this year -– Johnstown, Pa., is home to John Murtha.
• I’ll tell you what. After listening to W. tear into the N.Y. Slimes for publishing a program that monitors international banking transactions, I wish he got pissed off every time he spoke in public. I can’t wait for the next terrorist attack to hit this country, if only to hear the Slimes and other Medium-Large Media allies wonder why the government didn't do more to gather up intel that could have prevented the attack. Better yet, hopefully Abdul will blow himself up inside the Gray Lady’s headquarters.
• Oh for fuck’s sake. Let’s just ban cigarettes outright. I’m sick and tired of hearing how the slightest whiff of tobacco will kill me 60 years from now. Let’s ban smoking in all restaurants, because when I’m about to bite into my bacon cheeseburger with a side of seasoned fries I don’t want my health to be at risk because of some smoker across the eatery taking a puff off of his cancer stick.
• Al Keiper and Vern Gagne mentioned in Al’s blog that the designated hitter position should be kept for All-Star games. Having spent about 4-5 seconds thinking about this topic, I think the DH rule should be used depending on where the All-Star game is being held. If the game is being played in an American League field, use the extra bat. If the game is held on a field from the Senior Circuit, make the pitchers earn their keep. Personally, I think the Designated Hitter is nothing more than a way to keep beefy ballplayers with bad knees from having to earn their paychecks out in the field, but that’s what you get with unions. While I’m on this subject, one thing that has to go is this hippie “the winning league at the All-Star game gets home-field advantage in the World Series.” All-Star games are meant to be an exhibition. If you really don’t want to have one of these contests run out of pitchers in extra innings, then don’t feel obligated to play every person on your roster within the course of nine innings.
• Some guy could face jail time for writing "BULL (expletive) MONEY GRAB." On the memo line of a check he sent to pay for a parking fine? Crap. Every once in a while I write something stupid on my check’s memo line. Most of the time if I’m paying my local quarterly tax it’s usually something dumb like, “Making sure the Man doesn’t throw me in jail,” but there have been a few instances when I’ve been quite rude, especially when I was paying for some bullshit fee, service charge or hidden cost I was hit with. The worst, however, came in 2000 when I got screwed over on my state taxes and wrote on my check to the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, “So you Jew bastards can take even more of my hard-earned money.” It’s things like this that I look back on and realize if I ever decide to run for public office I wouldn’t last more than a week in the public spotlight.
• So Eddie Murphy is now going to marry that Scary Spice chick? Ha, I always knew she was a dude in drag. Besides, I preferred the one who married David Beckham.
• Last night I finally saw that South Park episode that Chef quit over; the one where Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet. Goddamn, I was expecting something much worse than that. I’ve always liked the Mormon-bashing myself (dum dum dum dum dum). I haven’t watch South Park with any regularity since Season 7, so I didn’t catch this episode when it was first run. Then when Chef quit and Comedy Central pulled the plug on re-airing the show a few months ago I was jilted from watching it. I consider myself a South Park fan, and I love Matt and Trey’s sense of humor, but I hope they end this series before it gets old. I’d be interested to know how they would end this series; hopefully, they will get the time to do a good send-off, rather than receiving the “Married With Children” treatment.
• FIFA gave the Frenchie who retired from the sport after head-butting an opponent a three-game suspension, but gave the WAP who called him a dirty terrorist (allegedly) two games. The hell?
• Finally, a great idea regarding that whole “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us” crowd. But let’s take it a few steps further. Let’s send back to Africa anyone who’s still pissed that their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy got captured by a rival tribe on the dark continent and shipped off to whitey. Hell, even if you weren’t from Africa I’d have no problem with you going over there and catching the AIDS or getting your arms chopped off by rebels in some piece of land that changes names every other week.
• I recently heard that some people from Oklahoma City bought the Seattle Sonics. (Or are they back to being “Super”?) And there’s talk about them moving to Dama territory. I don’t know much about the Seattle area, but it seems like the team is whining because the city doesn’t want to fund a new arena, so when the lease expires to their current place expires, David Stern and friends will take their ball and go home, or at least to the Midwest. If the WNBA Seattle Storm follows suit, I wonder if this will still go on at the new place? Damn you Sandmann9000 for exposing me to this shit.
• So the headline to this story says Bush knows many blacks mistrust GOP. Of course, Republicans want welfare eliminated and people to go to work. At least they do when there’s a Democrat President in the White House.
• Perhaps the Minutemen should take as much care watching where their funds travel as they do documenting when illegals cross over into America. In a way, this might be an encouraging sign. With corruption at the top levels of management, perhaps the Minuteman movement is gaining momentum. All we need now are a few sex scandals or something and perhaps Bush might make them a part of Homeland Security.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 71: NY Untouchable
Nice enough kid. Besides, I need to somehow make up for breaking his heart by voting against him in the first round of this year’s Poster Tournament. If that wasn't enough, to add insult to injury, I eventually offed him in the second round. What better way to make up for this by putting him on my list? Of course, he’ll probably bitch about being in this low a slot, which if that’s the case then fuck him.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• When Hurricane Katrina hit, some in the medical profession decided to play God and started offing some of their more serious-case patients when they determined there was no way to escape and that a morphine overdose is a better way to go out than drowning. And you know what? As of this moment I’m siding with the medical professionals. I can’t even begin to comprehend what these people were going through and they were probably doing what they thought was best for the moment. Who is to say any of us would have acted any differently? Hell, most of us would have probably high-tailed it out of there long ago. Did these people exercise the best judgment in this situation? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not going to play armchair quarterback in this case, though. Too bad ass-clowns like John Murtha don’t exercise the same restraint when commenting on events like Haditha.
• Man I can’t wait until my morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returns from vacation on Monday because I know what will be one of the first things he talks about: How a pistol-packing civilian stopped some psycho from stabbing a bunch of co-workers at a grocery store in Tennessee. Long story short: This guy was chasing another person with a knife when a guy named Chris Cope grabbed a gun from his truck and subdued the attacker. However, my favorite quote came from this Sergeant who said of Cope:
FUCK YOU buddy. If I have some guy chasing me around a parking lot with a big-ass knife, I don’t want to wait until the police arrive onto the scene; I want a Second Amendment advocate to show my attacker the benefits of concealed firearms.
• My local newspaper yesterday told the story of this Montana family that purchased a $33,000 house in the Shittsburgh area based solely on Internet photographs. Surprise, surprise, when they actually got to this residence, the place was filthy, falling apart and had devices like the water heater in unusable condition. I could understand perhaps moving to an area out of state and relying on Internet pictures for a rental property that required no advance deposits; that’s what we did when we moved to Ohio, and everything turned out fine and dandy. However, there’s no way in hell I’m purchasing any property without at least going to the actual site and looking over the area once with my own eyes.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 70: Cena’s Writer
A returning participant from my NFL pick ‘em contest, he managed to get into the first round of the playoffs with the Arizona Cardinals and was just minutes away from advancing to the second round. Unfortunately for him, Bravesfan, his Wild-Card opponent, got his playoff picks in right as I was typing “Deadline has come and gone.” Cena’s Writer was a good sport about it all, and he didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season. For these reasons alone he gets a spot on this list.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From Black Lushus:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• Black Lushus asked me a question in yesterday’s entry regarding my feelings about concealed firearms legislation. Before giving my opinion, I feel I need to explain a bit on my feelings toward gun control in general. I personally don’t own a firearm, although I may some day down the road for protection purposes. That being said, I feel a law-abiding citizen has the right in this country to own firearms. I always get a kick out of hearing anti-gun weenies whine about how our Founding Fathers would have never written the Second Amendment had they known how dangerous today’s firearms are. I’m sure Ben Franklin and George Washington wouldn’t expect our country to be doing quite a few things today that would have seemed inconceivable from back in the day, so don’t play the they-wrote-the-Constitution-230-years-ago card in this instance.
I consider myself to be “pro-gun,” however, there are some people I’ve met that are so anti-gun control that they downright scare me. About 15 years ago I heard a stand-up comedian say the following line, which pretty much sums up my feelings on gun registration: “If you’re the type of person who can’t wait seven days to purchase a gun, you’re the type of person that needs to wait seven days in order to purchase a gun.” I’ve always said that if the United Nations One World Government black choppers ever come to my neck of the woods, I’ll be glad knowing my local militia will be there to fend them off (although seeing the work the UN does in “peace-keeping” I’m sure my garden hose on at full tilt will be a sufficient deterrent to get them off my property).
When it comes to concealed-carry firearms, I’m generally for them. Sure there will be media stories about soccer moms who say they are cowering in fear because they will be afraid of some guy in a pickup truck with a Dixie Flag decal opening fire because she’s not driving fast enough. However, the real worry doesn’t stem from everyday people owning and carrying guns; it’s the people who illegally obtain and use firearms. And if you fear a well-armed citizenry, read that article I linked to yesterday and ask yourself that if some guy with a knife was chasing you in a parking lot would you want the citizens in your area to have the ability to stop your attacker with a single bullet or would you want to run around a parked car until the police arrive?
I can understand why some people in places such as dense urban areas don’t want guns of any kind in their neighborhood, but gun-control legislation won’t stop criminals from using them, and when you take away a citizen’s ability to protect themselves you’re actually helping the criminals do their thing. As long as liberal politicians keep trying to find ways to weasel their anti-gun authoritarian measures into law, and this ends up bringing out the gun owners bloc to vote against them on Election Day, then all I can say to these commies is keep up the good work.
On a somewhat related note, one of my favorite songs by Sir-Mix-A-Lot came from his Mack Daddy album, and it didn’t involve phat derrieres or Testarossas. It was on last track of the album and was titled “No Holds Barred.” Below is the third verse to this pro-gun ownership track:
I’m sure Mr. Mix-A-Lot isn’t a Republican (he’s had some anti-GOP lyrics in other songs), but I always thought he’d make an … interesting … spokesperson for the National Rifle Association.
• So I heard there was some grumblings from Americans in Lebanon about the way they were recently rescued from the turmoil in that region (damn Jews are always messing things up). Today, when the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy I listen to returned from a weeklong vacation, he played some sound bites about this bitch named Ashley whining about America’s rescue efforts. I shook my head. First off, this chick sounded like a Valley Girl filled with university indoctrination of “America Sux,” gobbledy goo and complained about how the boat they were rescued on was a like refugee ship. She then whined about all the flies that were on board. Uh, as opposed to pristine landscape that is the MIDDLE EAST. It’s a shame someone didn’t throw this one overboard. A number of people in Medium Large Media compared the Lebanon rescue efforts to the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, and they are right but for the wrong reason. Both examples are similar in that it involves groups of people who knew they were living in a bad place to be and didn’t get out when they had the chance.
Oh, and speaking about the morning RIGHT-WING RADIO guy, I was right in my prediction from yesterday’s entry – the first thing he talked about was that guy stopping a knife-wielding psycho from stabbing a co-worker.
Late last night I learned that Pittsburgh Mayor Bob O’Connor had passed away after a brief bout with a rare form of cancer that attacks the brain and spinal cord. He was 61 years old. I knew he was going to succumb to this sudden diagnosis, especially when the hospital he was at stopped providing updates to the media a few days ago. When it was announced Friday night that the mayor had died, it left a pit in my stomach that’s still there this morning. I don’t know the man, nor have I ever met him, but I’ve followed his public service career for years and always thought of him as a person of integrity. I may not have agreed with him on a number of issues, but many times in local politics you throw away party affiliation and support the better man (or woman, depending on the situation).
I think the saddest part of this story is that for years this guy had tried to be mayor, only losing in the Democrat primary each time to the incumbent Tom Murphy. In fact, during the 2001 mayoral election there were allegations that Murphy had some illegal backroom deal with the city’s firefighter’s union where he would give them a sweetheart contract if they would support his candidacy over O’Connor. Murphy ended up winning that election by just 699 votes. (Like I said before, it was a primary, but in this town the “general election” takes place in the Democrat primary.)
Whenever Murphy announced he would not seek another term in 2005, it was all but a formality that O’Connor would become the city’s next mayor. There were “elections” and “campaigns,” but everyone with half a brain knew Bob would end up winning. Even when he was on the campaign trail, it seemed that O’Connor was talking more about what he was going to do once elected rather than asking if he could have your vote so he could be elected. When O’Connor finally took the helm in January of 2006 he tried as much as he could to show he wasn’t going to squander the opportunity to head the city he loved. There were two early examples of his leadership in action. The first was successfully planning a post-Super Bowl downtown parade for the Steelers. Even though more than a 250,000 people came downtown to congratulate the Super Bowl champs, O’Connor and his administration made sure the event ran without a hitch, and from the reviews people gave afterwards, it appeared that O’Connor and his staff was for real. The second incident came in wake of a sniper scare. (I commented on this incident back in January.) At first there was concern of a person atop a building with a rifle looking for people to shoot, but in the end it turned out that it was just a maintenance worker hunting pigeons. However, the way the city police/fire/medical services handled this event during those hours when they didn’t know what they were up against showed to many in the area that this town was being managed differently than it had been in previous years. And O’Connor was out in the middle of the action overseeing this operation. One could say he was just being pomp, seeing that his first term was just under way, but if you heard him you could tell he wasn’t trying to be out in the limelight. He wanted to show the city, and the surrounding counties, that the buck was stopping with him. And it showed.
It’s a shame O’Connor didn’t win the Democrat primary back in ’01. If he had, Pittsburgh might be in better financial shape today. Sadly, we here in the southwestern Pennsylvania area will never get to know what O’Connor would have been fully capable of as mayor. RIP.
• Steve Irwin has just died thanks to a stingray putting a barb through his chest. I always liked the Crocodile Hunter program, even though half the time the show was about a dozen guys lying down on a reptile as if it were a drunk hot chick at Mardi Gras. Too bad this attack didn’t happen to Jeff Corwin; last night I was watching some retarded “HUGE MONSTERS” show with him pretending dinosaurs or some other large extinct animals were chasing him. Christ was this show awful. I kept watching this piece of shit just for the sheer awfulness of it all.
• Speaking of trash, I saw one of Morgan Spurlock’s hippie “30 Days” episodes tonight. I wish Morgan would spend 30 days provoking stingrays in their natural habitat. OMG spending 30 days in jail sucks. No fucking shit, genius. That’s why you don’t BREAK THE LAW. I love it when some guilt-ridden do-gooder tries to tug at your heartstrings by producing something like this “30 Days” show and you end up spending 90 percent of the program either laughing out loud or saying, “And what exactly am I supposed to be feeling bad about, douche bag?”
• I don’t care about tennis, but God I loved how every ESPN pundit I paid attention to was predicting Agassi to beat this Becker hippie and go on to face Andy Roddick or other some guy I have never heard of before and will never hear of again. Andre, you had a great career. You made a buttload of cash. You seem to actually care about the human race. This makes you a better person than me. Now go and fuck Steffi Graf a whole bunch of times. Just don’t force your kids to play the sport you and your wife succeeded in for all those years.
• Michael Caine isn't happy with today's films. Here’s an excerpt from the article I linked to:
I’m not a Caine-hater or anything like that, but should someone who played a prominent role in…
…be in any kind of position to comment on the awfulness of Hollywood?
• And finally, what the hell is wrong with people?
And here is a picture of this raucous crowd.
Oh well, at least these people can probably point out Pluto on a chart of our solar system. That’s better than those pseudo-hippies who protest child labor conditions in some Asian or South American shoe factory but can’t find the country they’re bitching about on a map.
Today is a somber occasion for the New York/New England area. Thanks to some events beyond the control of many Northeasterners, this brave group of folks must join together today to cope with and possibly overcome the day’s tragic events.
But enough of talking about the New England Patriots trading wide receiver Deion Branch to the Seattle Seahawks for a 2007 draft pick.
Today marks the five-year anniversary of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Now it would be convenient for me to say how this event affected my worldview, but it really did not. On this day five years ago I woke up at around 10-10:30 a.m., ate breakfast, did a few odds and ends around my Middletown, Ohio, townhouse, and then went to peruse on-line job listings, among a few other Internet-related Web sites that unemployed men frequent with when they’re home alone (ain’t nothing like playing on-line backgammon in your underwear). As I turned on the radio to listen to Rush, I knew something was not right; a newscast was being aired, and it was well past the top-of-the-hour news update. For several minutes I didn’t know what was going on and was impatiently waiting for either Drudge’s Web site (I still had dialup at the time) or the radio news to tell me that a couple of airplanes had crashed into the World Trade Center. When I finally heard what happened, I didn’t gasp, cry or feel like we were in a state of WWIII. Even when I had the television news on later that day and saw those politicians in D.C. break out into song, I rolled my eyes over how phony this “spontaneous” moment seemed. (I can’t remember what they were singing – either “God Bless America” or “America the Beautiful.”) I guess all this makes me a terrorist. I wasn’t cheering for more American deaths, but I didn’t have a life-changing moment during this day. Oh well, at least I wasn’t laughing at people jumping from the Twin Towers.
The odd thing about 9/11 is that while it didn’t really affect me all that much, it was the exact opposite for the better half. Ever since we met in 1997, we were polar opposites when it came to current events. I was the cynical newsy curmudgeon who was hooting and hollering on Election Night as Bush stole won his first presidential term -- OMGSELECTEDNOTELECTEDLOL2000! She was the one who would take charge of the remote control when I would step away for a moment and turn to the Cartoon Network so she could watch “Angry Beavers,” or that stupid “Rocco’s Modern Life.” We didn’t talk politics and she didn’t vote. She didn’t mind Bill Clinton as president, but she knew nothing about him other than he got a hummer from some intern in the Oval Office. When 9/11 hit, it changed her outlook on life. She didn’t break down and start wailing like someone being “saved” at a Baptist church, but I could tell there was some uneasiness (well, more so than usual – you’d be the same if you had to live with me in sin). Yes, she was one of those people who went out and bought an American flag days after this terrorist attack. In fact, the flag she bought was so damn big it was too heavy for its holder and couldn’t stand upright on our front steps. She also bought one of those car ribbon-sticker things that came out en masse shortly thereafter, which is still on her car today in all of its faded glory. In addition, she began paying attention to current events; it was weird to have her come home from classes and start asking me what I thought about a specific news story of the day.
Because five years have jaded me even more than I was back in 2001, I’m going to go back into the arkkkives and see what I wrote about this event shortly after it happened. From September 18, 2001:
If the 9/11 terrorist attacks made you re-think your life and what was really important to you, then cool. If it made you into a better person (or at least a “better person” by your definition), then rock on. However, if you were on the sideline wondering why you weren't feeling the same wave of “patriotism” because you didn’t buy a flag the day after 9/11, or if you skipped some “freedom rally” held a week or so after these attacks, don’t worry: you weren’t alone. For some of us, it takes a really unbelievable event to occur in order for our faith to be tested, like, say, the Pirates winning the World Series.
• No matter who you are, there’s always a bigger dog in the yard.
That show of his is one of those programs where if I’m channel surfing and come across it I’ll watch it for a few minutes before moving on. Sometimes I’ll watch them catch some crackhead, but most of the time after five minutes I’m asking myself, “Why do I have this on?” Another program I treat in a similar fashion is that “Miami Ink” show. It’s about some Florida tattoo shop and we get to see these people get paid for defiling willing patrons. Actually, from the shows I’ve seen, many of the customers have rather touching reasons for wanting various tattoos inked onto them. One person wanted to remember her father. Another wanted a portrait of his son, while a lady got one of her kid who died too soon. I’m sure this store also gets its share of drunks who will wake up the next day wondering how they got a grim reaper holding a can of beer on their shoulder blade, but there’s probably a reason why these ink sessions don’t make it on the air.
While I’m on the subjects of tattoos, I’m rather indifferent to them. If you want to brand yourself, then go for it. As for me, I have marked up my body enough; I don’t need to pay someone to do it for me. There’s that scar I got on my right thigh when I was a kid chasing pigeons just outside the Carnegie Museum. Then I have that marking on my left which reminded me as a pre-teen not to go biking on those sloped curbs. How I didn’t break any bones from that incident is beyond me.
Speaking of breaking bones, I’ve been pretty lucky in this regard, too. The only time my idiotic behavior resulted in a cast or splint when I tried to slide uphill into a coiled-up garden hose that was acting as first base in a backyard baseball game. Not only did I dislocate my right middle and ring finger knuckles, but I was also called out. To make matters worse, a day or so later I was playing some Capture the Flag-like game late at night and unknowingly hid in a patch of poison ivy. That was not a fun summer vacation, especially since all this happened just one week before my junior year of high school. But if this is the worst I have done to my body when it came to doing stupid shit as a kid, then I consider myself extremely fortunate.
• This story caught my attention because I was born on the year he escaped and began living his second life. Yeah he had a real "mental" condition. That's why he was able to evade the law for three decades. Fuck him. And what is up with stabbing someone to death in 1964 and then being eligible for parole in 1980? Yet another reason you need to off anyone trying to harm you or someone you care about – you sure as fuck aren’t going to get any assistance from the State in this matter.
• I just found an update on the Dog situation. I guess I could joke about how Mr. Dog jumped bail, but what really got the big LOL was the bolded part of the article below. It’s nice to know that the Mexican government cares about at least of their own crossing the U.S. border. Now how about you guys doing something about the million-plus other people from your shit hole of a country that do the same thing every year? Oh well, at least the Dog family has some fresh material for sweeps.
• So it was late Saturday night and I was flipping through channels looking for something worthwhile to watch. I then stumbled across this “Black.White.” show on FX. Now I had seen previews for this thing, and it was about this black family who got painted white and this white family who got painted black. I guess the purpose of this stupid idea was for each family to walk a mile (or a month) in the other family's shoes and learn about racial harmony and all that other gay stuff. I had no intention of watching this shit, but you'll take what you can get when it’s late at night and you don’t feel like moving from the couch.
Holy fuck is this an awful show.
I watched the season finale, and thank God I skipped to the end of this stupid show. Although I was off in my over/under prediction on how long it would be before one of the white people were branded a RACIST by one of the the ni—, err, someone from the African-American family (I had my money on the second half of the show; the father got hit with the “R” word in the first half hour), there was still plenty of insanity to keep me entertained. One highlight for me was the 17-year old white chick that was in tears because the people in her urban poetry class (or whatever those stupid groups are call who try to sound like Digable Planets) were tearing apart her poems. I could comment more about the goofy white mom who was trying to understand why the troubled black youth from the other family was anti-social, but I have to get to the best part of this show.
I mentioned the black family had a teen-age son. I guess he’s running afoul of the law or something. Now I don’t know exactly what went on in previous episodes, nor do I care to find out, but this kid’s parents were worried that he was going down the wrong path. So what did they do? The took him to the Museum of Tolerance.
The Museum of Tolerance.
The Museum of Mother Fucking Tolerance.
For the South Park fans out there who remember Lemiwinks and Mr. Slave fist appearance, yes, there is such a thing as the Museum of Tolerance. Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself. I will never brush aside anything Trey Parker Matt and Stone ever put into their shows again. I’m now convinced that my idiot boss is a crab person.
Anyway, if you ever stumble across this “Black.White.” show, do yourself a favor and just watch the season finale so you can witness for yourself the Museum of Tolerance. And if you should ever pay a visit to the Museum of Tolerance, find out for me if they have a smoking section.
• Speaking of tolerance, a while back I goofed on my pals from across the Pond because a British theme park was going to have a “Muslim Day.” I laughed too soon. My favorite parts from this article:
Great, so now we have to chalk up waiting in long lines for a roller coaster ride as one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male. In addition, how can "the cries of Allahu Akbar would be heard everywhere" when there are no infidels allowed in the park during the Great Muslim Adventure Day?
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This Mexican chick calls and says that she is divorced with two kids – ages 6 and 4. She then said that she’s been divorced for 4 years. When the host asks why was she knocked up at the same time she was splitting up with the ex, the caller responds, “Because his parents told him to leave me.” She then complains that he never visits his kids and when the subject of her moving back to her parents' house is brought up, the caller says she can never go back because her two kids (ages 6 and 4) told her that they want to have their own place.
Runner-up: This 13-year old boy called and said that he has this girl “friend” that is overweight and has no self-esteem. All the boys in school like this girl’s mom who “parties and gets down” with this kid’s friends at her house and at various school functions.
Who needs the pseudo-experts at this place with their fancy smancy win-share totals and minor-league reports when you've got Al kkkeiper here to give you the hook-up. Here's some baseball stuff that popped into my head in the last hour or so. You've been warned.
• The Houston Astros had a chance to get into the postseason, thanks to a late-season surge up the N.L. Central. They came up short in the last weekend of play, which made me curious as to how many one-run games they lost this year. I looked over their regular-season schedule and at a glance I counted 21. Zoinks. Ah hell, I might as well see how many one-run games the Astros won – 25. So that means they were 25-21 in one-run games. Um, well, they should have won some more. But how did St. Louis do in one-run games? Ah, hell. They were 22-27. Whatever, I’m not deleting all this exhaustive research I’ve conducted just because it makes no sense to my original point.
• Bye Racist Dusty. Perhaps you should go to a team that plays in warmer weather, such as Florida or Arizona. This way you can better utilize your black and Hispanic ballplayers.
• Now there’s talk about Roger Clemens taking naughty drugs. Don’t care. Like I said before, this who era in baseball is roided up, and let the accusations fly. I’m a Clemens fan, but Major League Baseball brought all of this upon itself.
• Ryan Howard for MVP. I don’t know who’s in contention for any of the other awards.
• Yesterday the Pirates played their final game for the 2006 season. Now I could make yet another joke about how this team sucks, but instead I’m going to give props to Freddy Sanchez for winning the N.L. batting title. From what I’ve seen of Freddy he played hard this season, which is amazing considering he had no reason to considering the team he was on. For God's sake the fans were popping wood because the team finished with a winning record for the first time ever at PNC Park; now that’s some high standards there. One thing that did surprise me is that the Pirates have had 25 batting titles, which is the most of any team. I watched the final three outs of Sunday’s 1-0 victory against the Reds, and it was nice to see Sanchez get the props he deserves, especially considering he didn’t get an opportunity to start until May. But enough of talking about this crap; let’s move onto real baseball teams that are still playing.
• I really don’t have a “favorite” baseball team. There are certain players I like, but in regards to actual franchises I’m indifferent to most of them. If you put a gun to my head and forced me to pick a team, I’d probably go with the St. Louis Cardinals – I don’t know why, I just like how that team is run. Whenever the MLB postseason starts up, I’ll pick a team or two and pull for them to win. It’s not big deal if they lose, and if they win I’ll say “yay” and move on with my life. The only exception to this rule is when there’s a team I don’t want to win, such as when Racist Dusty almost lead his Cubs to the 2003 World Series, or when Barry Bonds finally made it to the Fall Classic. I’ve only done this mini-bandwagon thing for a few years, and my track record has been OK. In 2001 I was pulling the Arizona Diamondbacks because I like Curt Schilling and wanted to see him get a championship. Plus I also felt bad for that Asian pitcher who gave up back-to-back game-ending home runs. In 2002 I was rooting for the Anaheim Angles, especially when they faced off against the San Francisco Giants in the World Series. Nothing brought me greater joy that year than seeing Racist Dusty’s brat cry after the Giants lost Game 7. I went with the Florida Marlins in 2003, mostly because they managed to beat Racist Dusty. In 2004 I didn’t want to see the Red Sox win it all because there was nothing more entertaining in sports talk radio than to year Boston fans dejected at their team falling short yet again, but c'est la vie. Last year was pretty much a wash because I didn’t care who won – the White Sox or Astros.
This year is pretty much a repeat of 2005. I don’t know much about any of the teams (as if I ever do), but if I have to pick a team I would probably go with the Yankees. Yeah, the EVIL EMPIRE. I think my main reason for wanting them to win is because I want Alex Rodriguez to win a championship and shut up all the A-Rod haters. Who will win this year? I dunno. The weird thing about the MLB playoffs is that five-game first-round. You could play a grueling 162-game schedule, and in just three games all that blood, sweat and tears will get flushed down the toilet. Then again, a seven-game series can end in as quickly as four games but oh well.
Without further ado, here is my playoff tree as to how I think this postseason will play out. Take this information, do the opposite of what I write and call your bookie.
NL PLAYOFFS:
St. Louis vs. San Diego. These two played last year in the first round, and the Cardinals handedly won. The Cards haven’t been playing well, and I’ll say the Padres will win in four.
Los Angeles vs. New York. The Mets haven’t played a meaningful game in months and have been without the services of Pedro Martinez for just as long. I seem to remember the Dodgers being on several hot and cold streaks this year. Oh what the hell – Dodgers in five.
Los Angeles vs. San Diego. When I was a kid I liked both the Dodgers and the Padres. I followed Los Angeles due to Fernando Valenzuela and because there was an old Mr. Ed episode that guest-starred several old-school Dodgers. Tony Gwynn is one of my all-time favorite players, so that explains my Padre love. Because the wild card teams have a legit shot at reaching the World Series, I’ll say Dodgers in four.
AL PLAYOFFS:
Oakland vs Minnesota. I have no clue who is on the A’s roster other than that Zito hippie and Jason Kendall (he is still there, right?). They never make it out of the first round, so I’ll go with Minnesota in five.
Detroit vs New York. Although my insisting the Tigers were “for real” is what probably led to their late-season collapse, I wasn’t intentionally trying to ruin this team. I always liked Jim Leyland, but I think the Tigers are going to be one of those “Boy we’re sure happy to be here” stories, so I’ll say New York sweeps the series.
Minnesota vs. New York. Small market vs. Big market. David vs. Goliath. Fuck that shit – I’m going with the owner who didn’t want to contract his team. Yankees in five.
WORLD SERIES:
Los Angeles vs. New York. Right. Like these two teams I picked are going to be around at this point – both will probably get swept in the first round. Nevertheless, Yankees in five.
• Woo-hoo! Due to the rain, and brief appearance of snow, that hippie hayride thing I talked about in yesterday’s entry was cancelled. Instead I got to watch some animated movie called “Open Season” that we took the nephew to. Eh, it could have been worse – we could have went to see “Flicka.”
• Well the World Series came and went and I nearly forgot it was on. I saw parts of a few games, but otherwise I have no idea what happened, other than that it rained a bunch. I really had no bandwagon team this year. I mean, it would have been nice for Jim Leyland to win another championship, and some of the coaches on his team were ex-Pirates back from a time when I actually used to care about Shittsburgh baseball. However, I always had this thing about the Cardinals. They don’t have the biggest market and they don’t spend the most money, but they always seem to field a competitive team. So I say good for them. It’s weird that another wild-card team won the World Series, especially considering the Cards were barely above .500. But you know what? With all the talk about how the World Series would be decided in the ALCS, and that the New York Mets were the only hope the National League had at even having a shot at winning the title, I say hooray for St. Louis.
One topic brought up during this cold, wet World Series was the subject of having the Series played on a neutral field in a warm weather climate. Fuck that. If the Series had been Oakland against Los Angeles, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Want to make the Series a free from the threat of snow? Then start the regular season earlier or shave some games off the 161 Major League Baseball plays every year. I’m not in favor of either one of these options, but I’d take that over playing the World Series at a neutral site. And if we drive enough SUV’s, maybe global warming will take of this problem for us sometime down the road.
• Hey one-world commies, I got news for you. Even if a Democrat wins the White House in ’08 (or even John McCain), your precious Kyoto Treaty won’t be going anywhere in America. That is unless there is some catastrophe where liberals also overrun Congress, and I don’t think that would happen. Even if libs get a slim majority, they won’t blow their wad on passing this bullshit and then getting voted out of office in the next election.
• You know, with all the things government and health nazis are doing in order to try to keep us from getting fat, someone comes along and decides that Coca-Cola isn’t bad enough for us and tries this piece of Americana fried. Not only does this bring a tear to my eye as to what we Americans are capable of, but it also churns my stomach a bit. Blech.
Well it is that time of the year again. For the third or fourth year now I’ve been watching those horror movies AMC plays nonstop for a week plus. I don’t know why I watch these movies, which are edited and watered down, but it’s just one of those things. It’s on. I watch it or have it as background noise. I noticed this year there weren’t as many Friday the 13th movies, and it seemed like the Halloween films weren’t played as much, although it looks like Parts I-V and VIII will be on all day Tuesday. Thanks to this AMC marathon, I finally got around to seeing the first two Hellraiser movies this year. I’m not going to rate these films because I’m sure they are better unedited. Two movies I will comment on though are the Exorcist sequels. I saw the first film a bunch of times, both the theatrical and super-anniversary-deluxe edition with the chick walking down the steps backward on all fours. This past weekend I finally saw the Exorcist II and III on AMC. All my life I kept hearing how the Exorcist II was one of the worst films ever to be created, but I figured what the heck I’ll go watch it anyway. It wasn’t as bad as I’ve heard it was. Granted it wasn’t great, but I wouldn’t say the movie was one of the worst films ever produced. I will say though that the Exorcist III was a nice surprise; I thought this would be the worst of the two, but surprisingly I actually put down the newspaper I was reading at the time and paid closer attention to the two-plus hours this movie lasted. The ending was a bit on the “eh” side, but otherwise I was satisfied with the film.
Now I need the help of, you, the loyal reader. There was another film I watched this weekend “Wolfen,” which was about a bunch of hippie Indian wolves that ate people from the ghetto, but due to urban renewal projects these public housing neighborhoods were being demolished, thus taking away the food supply of these animals. Because I had nothing better to do I decided to watch this. Two-plus hours later, I was all ready for the ending, which was when the dogs were surrounding the main characters. It was at this time that the goddamn phone rang and I missed the last few minutes of this film. When I returned to watching television, I saw the wolves running around with the credits following shortly thereafter. So help me out here – did the wolves eat these people? Did they look at the pesky humans, realize they were white and took off? Were the surrounded protagonists morphed into these animals? There’s no way I’m watching this movie again, so any help on this one would be greatly appreciated.
While I’m on this subject, there was an incident years ago that makes me laugh today. For years I was good friends with this one chick (haven’t heard from her in eight years), and she lived in a trailer minutes away from the college she was attending. No, that wasn’t where she lived full-time; just whenever classes were in session – it was cheaper than an apartment and more comfortable than a dorm. Anyway, for some reason that night we decided to rent Halloween VI, which to this day I still didn’t understand what the hell happened at the end of this movie. After watching the first 10 minutes or so, a picture frame fell in her bedroom, which actually got a jump out of both of us. However, the best part was shortly thereafter when something began thumping up against her trailer’s one side. When we both agreed that this noise was nothing more than a branch, she went to open up her front door to go outside and push aside this obstruction. Right as she turned the doorknob, I screamed at the top of my lungs, “DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!” Her face turned white, and I began laughing hysterically.
Well Thanksgiving was harmless enough. No crack whore. No out-of-control teen niece-in-law. Just food. And lots of it. I’m generally a no-frills eater, and Turkey Day is no exception to this rule. Just give me turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and corn and I’m happy. I love yams, but they get in the way, as do green beans. As for the other shit that’s put out on our buffet spread, bah, I don’t care. Since the better half can’t eat poultry because it gets her sick, she always makes these veggie dishes that make me want to gag. This year her concoction involved several different kinds of peppers, onions and stringy green beans. She also made these hippie stuffed mushroom things, which weren’t much better. And guess who had to hold both containers in his lap during the drive to the in-laws? Yep.
After stuffing myself silly on this one day of the year where it’s OK to be a pig (I had three full plates worth of the goodness mentioned above; I was so sick afterward I couldn’t get up from the recliner), there is another tradition I have taken part in the last few years. That tradition is going out on Black Friday to be one of those idiots trying to get good deals at 6 a.m. Unfortunately, I did no such thing this year. There were some things I would have gobbled up like the food I had consumed the day before, but I made a promise to myself that the better half’s credit card debt comes first. Oh the sacrifices I make.
The funny thing about Black Friday is that with all the stupid stories I have about life at the Quickie Mart, the food-service industry and the theater, along the other day-to-day experiences I have encountered during my brief time on this planet, I really don’t have any Black Friday experiences worth telling. I think part of the reason is that because I’m a strapping young lad most people don’t try to trample over me in order to get to that $20 DVD player. I mean, I’ve heard people bitching while at Best Buy or Kohls trying to get a $5 toaster or $3 video game, but it was nothing worth repeating. Basically, whenever I’m in one of these situations I just stay in line and zone out because I know I’ll be standing around for quite a long time. In lieu of any worthwhile Black Friday stories, let me try and remember what I got last year at this time.
Best Buy: Hell, I don’t remember. Probably some DVDs.
Target: Some DVD’s, I think. I know that’s when I got Napoleon Dynamite and that Family Guy Stewie Special. Now for those that always label me a negative ninny, let me say that I’m not actually all that upset for dredging through the Black Friday mess for these two DVDs: one that was disappointing and the other that was a full-fledged piece of shit. In fact, I’m glad I bought Napoleon Dynamite at the price I did because otherwise I would have had to kill someone for paying a higher price for that garbage.
Kohls: Some “Scene It?” games, a food vacuum sucker thing, a mini fryer that’s been used all of one time, and some other shit I can’t remember.
Office Max: A shredder, these nice computer speakers and some work-related office supplies stuff. Call me an employee with a bad attitude if you want, but one thing I know how to do is keep my department’s costs down.
Mall: I don’t think I got anything.
GameStop: A few video games, Star Wars Battlefront being the one that jumps out. Oh, and NHL ’06 and Grand Turismo 3.
Wal-Mart: I think last year was when I got a vacuum “lite” for the basement. Not quite a “real” vacuum, but not a hand-held either. Still works rather well.
All in all, I remember saving several hundred dollars, so yes, missing out on this year’s Black Friday did take some willpower for me to accomplish. Good thing that “turkey dope” didn’t make me all that motivated to get up and go shopping the next day. Well, that and staying up until 4 a.m. playing video games. Oh, and did I mention that aside from the things I bought for Mrs. kkk, all of this shit was purchased for me? You people with the somewhat normal families and your holiday get-togethers: keep 'em. I want none of that shit.
Like I said in yesterday’s entry, I was getting ready for my first “real job” interview… aw sonofabitch. The NFL has some hippie Thursday night game. I guess tonight’s entry is time for this week’s pickkks.
Baltimore at Cincinnati (3.5)
I think Cincinnati will be up more for this game. In addition, the Bengals need this win more than the Ravens. However, I’ll take my chances with the underdog Ravens in this one.
Arizona at St. Louis (6.5)
Both teams have been stinking up the place as of late. The only reason I’m taking the Cardinals is that six-and-a-half point spread.
Atlanta at Washington (1.5)
Hmm. The Falcons are on the decline and the Redskins are … well, I have no idea. I might as well go with the devil I know and guess that the Redskins won’t be as bad as the Falcons this week.
(4.5) Dallas at N.Y. Giants
There’s turmoil in the Big Apple and now the national sports media is talking about T.O. and the fact they haven’t had anything to talk about regarding him. Shit. I don’t know how to go at this one. Dallas has to lose sometime, but the Giants are in some trouble themselves. I’ll go with Dallas.
Detroit at New England (13.5)
New England favored by two touchdowns? Against Detroit? At home? This is a steal.
(7.5) Indianapolis at Tennessee
The Titans have been playing tough, but the Colts usually blowout their weaker division foes.
Jacksonville at Miami (2.5)
I’m picking the Dolphins just so they’ll lose and this talk about “wait until next year” will be aborted while still in an early trimester.
(5.5) Kansas City at Cleveland
The Chiefs will continue their playoff push, and unlike last year they just might finish the job this time.
Minnesota at Chicago (9.5)
Divisional opponent. Chicago will probably win, but I’m hoping Minnesota will keep it close.
(1.5) N.Y. Jets at Green Bay
Both teams have played better than expected. Even though they are on the road, I’ll go with the team that’s improved more this year.
(5.5) San Diego at Buffalo
At first I was going to go with the Bills, but then I thought otherwise because I then got the hunch that this was going to be a letdown game for them. Besides, five-and-a-half points on the road doesn’t seem too bad for San Diego.
San Francisco at New Orleans (7.5)
The 49ers have been playing good for the past month, but I’ll take the Saints, even with the spread.
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (7.5)
With some key injuries on the Steelers’ side of the ball, I’ll take the Buccaneers to either win or keep the game close. Besides, Tampa’s starting quarterback is from the Shittsburgh area; hey, if Roethlisberger gets hurt and Charlie Batch comes in that means two hometown products will be playing quarterback for each team in this one. Good for them.
Houston at Oakland (3.5)
Oakland’s been losing by close margins and now they’re favored. I’ll go with Houston.
Seattle at Denver (3.5)
Tough one here for me. It’s in Denver, but the Broncos are struggling a bit. I’ll take Seattle in this one.
(3.5) Carolina at Philadelphia
If McNabb was playing in this one I’d go with Philadelphia. However, he’s not. I’m not thrilled with the Panthers, but whenever Donovan went down last year so did his team.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 45: Canadian Chick
There is quite a bit of testosterone when it comes to message boards that deal with pro wrestling, so whenever a female poster steps forward it’s like a needle pricking your thumb while goofing around in a stack of hay. Now while some females, when presented with this situation, may enjoy the attention, I’m sure there are others who dread the stalkish-like behavior they have to deal with. Having seen Canadian Chick do
I’m quite certain that not only can she blend in as being one of the guys (at least on the days where she’s not ragging it) but she could also probably pummel many of us with snap suplexes, half-nelsons or whatever those things are. Damaramu being first in line, of course.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• While talking via AIM to one of my Internet chums, we got into a conversation about “what is love.” (Wow, that sounded gay.) To make a long story short, I was explaining to him then when tell someone that you love them, at that point you should expect to spend the rest of your life with that person. After all, if you “love” someone, then nothing should deter you from your one true soul mate. Perhaps I’m a little extreme when it comes to this subject, but I have always sparingly used the “l” word. Now of course I’ve said “I love that movie” or “I love that song,” but that’s not the same thing, in my opinion, when sitting next to someone you’ve been dating for a year or so and saying, “I love you.” In this context, I have said the “l” word twice in my life, although I only meant it once. The first time was with the first relationship I had that lasted longer than a trip to the amusement park or an all-night kegger. For months, the ex-better half kept saying how she “loved” me (God knows why), and I would say that I couldn’t reply back because I didn’t know if I felt the same. Sure I cared for her and all that shit, but I always prided myself in not faking my emotions. After a while, like a beaten POW, I relented after some stupid fight (I can’t remember what it was about), but we both knew I was just saying it to shut her up. Shortly after we broke up (she did the dumping, I was the dumpee, but it was only a matter of time before one of us pulled the plug on this go-nowhere relationship). A few years later when I met Mrs. kkk, I uttered the “l” word again, and so far it’s been nine-plus years, so I think I’m holding up my end of this bargain.
• David Duke calls the Holocaust a lie; would you expect anything different? I figure enough people are going to bitch about this, so why should I pile on when there’s plenty of other people to rag on, like that useless piece of shit Kofi Annan. Acutally, the holocaust denier I’m more concerned about is Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. One of these two Jew-haters will probably soon be able to launch a nuclear attack. The other one is a redneck. A follower to one of these two, in an effort to retaliate at you and your Jew passenger, will spit on your car’s windshield and wave a Confederate flag. A follower to the other nutjob will retaliate by blowing himself up. Oh, and by the way, how do we really know all those bodies were the result of concentration camps? Maybe some German hotel had a really good deal and too many Jews arrived, leaving many without coats out in the cold. Damn revisionist textbooks.
San Francisco at Seattle (9.5)
Normally I’d be going with Seattle, but they really haven’t been blowing out these NFC West teams like they have in the past. Go 49ers.
(3.5) Dallas at Atlanta
The Cowboys got blown out at home on NATIONAL TELEVISION and the Falcons won against the Buccaneers. I’ll stick with the Cowboys.
Cleveland at Baltimore (11.5)
I’m not sure what to do with this one. Sure the Ravens are way better than the Browns, but this is a divisional game. And AFC North rivalry games can be zany. However, the Bengals blew out the Browns a few weeks back, and the Steelers made up for their near-defeat at Cleveland by trouncing them weeks later. Yay Ravens.
Detroit at Green Bay (5.5)
It’ll probably be cold out. Detroit sucks.
Houston at New England (11.5)
Uh oh. The Pats are favored by nearly a dozen points against a crappy team. Now will they continue to struggle or will take their aggressions out against the Texans. I got burned with New England against Detroit. I’ll now side with the Texans in a blow-out game so I can bitch next week that I should have stuck with the Pats.
(3.5) Jacksonville at Tennessee
Uh oh. Another game I don’t have an initial feeling on. I’m in an upset mood: I’ll take the Titans.
Miami at Buffalo (1.5)
Miami shut out New England. I smell let-down game. But Buffalo is favored by only 1.5 at home? I’ll take the Dolphins in a last-second change of picks.
N.Y. Jets at Minnesota (3.5)
I’ve been hoping that the Vikings would be a break-out team this year, but it looks like they are just run-of-the-mill. I don’t know if I should take them because I’m guessing the Jets will flop these last few weeks. Drat. I’ll go with the Jets anyway.
Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants (5.5)
I’m so going with Philly in this one. I don't know why.
(3.5) Pittsburgh at Carolina
How the hell are the Steelers favored? I was going to pick them thinking that the Panthers would be the favored team. Now I don’t know what to do. I go with the Panthers.
Tampa Bay at Chicago (13.5)
I’ll hope the Bucs can score a late-game touchdown to bring the contest to within 13 points.
Washington at New Orleans (9.5)
Washington won a game or two lately, so I’ll hope they can score a late game touchdown to bring the contest to within 9 points.
(2.5) Denver at Arizona
Denver has been off as of late, but are they really that off to only be favored by less than three points? I’ll stick with them anyway.
Kansas City at San Diego (8.5)
Here’s hoping Kansas City can keep it close.
St. Louis at Oakland (2.5)
Oakland is favored? Give me the Rams.
Cincinnati at Indianapolis (3.5)
Hmm. Indy is slumping and Cincy is getting hot. Will this game spell impending doom for the Colts? I’m going to guess Indianapolis wakes up to the call and wins by more than a field goal. This is still the regular season, after all.
9:15 p.m.
• The Golden Globes are currently on. Don't care.
• Hey, there's actual progress going on in the Middle East. We've got outrage over someone getting his head chopped off.
5:15
• Great. I was watching ESPN and just heard Tom Jackson talk about Martin Luther King and I just learned that T.J. and I are born on the same day, which happens to be on the month/day that MLK got shot.
• LOL at the Chargers whining about the Patriots being sore winners
Here's some advice. You don't want the other team dissing your logo on the 50-yard line? Don't let them win. Either that or chop block the haters next season.
• Steelers Offensive Coordinator Ken Whisenhunt signed a four-year deal to coach the Arizona Cardinals Wow, he must like suffering. Actually, it'll be interesting to see what he can do with that offense. Looks like Russ Grimm is the likely choice to coach the Steelers. Eh, don't really care. Actually, I hope they hire the token black guy who got interviewed -- some guy from Minnesota -- just to piss off all the racists in my region. And, no, I'm not referring to myself.
7:30 p.m.
• Some hippie writer died.
I'm sure I never read any of his stuff, but what I took note of was that he wrote something to be released after he went up to that big newsroom in the sky.
Here's the column, for those that care.
After reading this I got the thinking: should I did from a road-rage incident (I had another one of these this morning) or a brawl at the grocery store (haven't had one of these for a while), what would my final words be? God forbid it be something on this blog. Actually, my 5:15 p.m. entry would sum things up just fine. The only thing I would add to it, however, is, "Damn, it's hotter than I expected down here."
5:15 p.m.
• This is why I love Jews. Seinfeld has how much money and he is still too cheap to pay some pesky commission? And the best part is that the plantiff is a Jew, too, and she wanted to get paid on a day where she didn't do any work.
