5:45 p.m.
Some queer who used to play in the NBA has now admitted as such. OMG LET'S GIVE HIM A MEDAL~!!!
I bet he liked to drive HARD TO THE HOLE!!! I wonder who he POSTED UP!?!? Was he always out in front, or did he like to COME FROM BEHIND??? When he dunked, I bet he did a JOB on the RIM!!! Acutally, these retarded jokes would work for a guy who likes women, but you see ... he's GAY!!! Where was I going with this? I have no clue. Oh, yeah. He's gay. Big deal. And this interview will be aired on Valentine's Day ... wait a second, his book is called "Man in the Middle"? Now that's funny.
Maybe I'm being too hard on him. After all, with the jock culture I'm sure his life would have been a living hell with the fans, media and other players... huh huh huh, I said "hard on..."
• Well, no work for me today. Have I mentioned how much I hate broadcast news? On the NBC affiliate this morning they were giving you up-to-the-second updates on whether it was snowing outside or if there was freezing rain. "OMG IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...NOW IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...WABBIT SEASON!"
• Oh, yeah. Valentine's Day. Fuck that holiday. I'm doing nothing romantic -- why should this day be any different from the other 364 days of the year? She's getting Season 7 of Charmed and Anastasia DVDs. That ought to shut her up for a day or two.
• And with all the school closings in my area, and probably elsewhere in the country, I want to let anyone who had their heart set on attending today's Congressional hearing on "“Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?" scheduled for today, I have bad news: it's been postponed due to inclement weather, so adjust your schedules accordingly.
• Toyota is going to get in trouble, Toyota's going to get in trouble.
Yeah, Toyota. How DARE you run an efficient business that actually makes a profit! Why, I bet you don’t have any union auto employees (I wouldn’t quite call them “workers”) making $30+/hour at a local “jobs bank.” This is AMERICA, damnit.
These made me LOL.
OK
Yeah, because a JAPANESE-OWNED COMPANY can’t be diverse unless it has one of our country’s race-baiting poverty pimps getting a cut of the profits.
Once again, damn you Toyota for making these bloated, inefficient companies look bad. Shame, shame, shame. That ain’t going to fly with Democrats in charge.
8 p.m.
• Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
And defense lawyers wonder why they're so hated.
Now why did I post all of that? To get to this.
4:15 p.m.
• You know, I don’t play golf, but there have been a few times in the past where I did my thing on a Par 3 course. And by “did my thing” I mean taking a dozen or so shots to get a ball in a hole in the ground. However, this golfing story brought back a childhood memory.
I was at a local Par 3 when I was about 12 or so years old with my old man and his live-in girlfriend at the time, along with some other people, I think. Now anytime I do anything with the old man, it almost always results in some stupid fight. Instead of just going out and having a good time, he always “coaches” me on how a professional would go about hitting a shot (or whatever it was we would be doing at the time). This time was no exception. Instead of just enjoying this time, every shot (or whiff) I made was awful/dreadful/a disgrace. Did I mention before that I have probably golfed a Par 3 a dozen times (20 max) in my life? Anyway, I was on this one hole and was on this slop just off the green. I hit the ball and instead of this being the shot of my life, the goddamn ball hit the pin and went in and out of the hole. Sonofabitch. Years later when I was living in Ohio, the old man took me to a driving range where I was being primed to be the next Tiger Woods. Of course I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but that didn’t matter. What I found funny was that the old man was bitching because I was taking too long setting up the balls on the tee and hitting them (or at least attempting to make contact). When I attempted to explain to him that I was making sure my “form” wouldn’t make even a novice golfer cringe, he said, “when you’re out on the course you don’t have time to check your form.” Uh, OK. Hey, I’m not the one who purchased this bucket of golf balls, so I don’t care if I only hit them 10 feet. Memories.
• Why do I even watch ESPN? This morning when “Outside the Lines” was on, Bob Ley informed me that John Amaechi, that homo who came out of the closet just long enough to whore his book, has some endorsement deal (with a razor company I think), making him THE FIRST GAY ATHLETE WITH A MAJOR ENDORSEMENT DEAL, or something like that. It was such a retarded statement that even the better half looked up from her medicated semi-coma bout with the flu and commented, “oh who fucking cares already?”
Right after “Outside the Lines,” I had the Sports Reporters on, and I must say that as a kid I used to love this show. As I’ve gotten older, the hippie PC garbage I hear out of many of these so-called “experts” makes me roll my eyes. I’m not going to say it wasn’t like this during my youth because I may have just ignored it or something. Anyway, when Jeremy Schaap gave his “parting words” this week, he talked about how great the NCAA Tournament would be if all the players who could be playing college ball right now (Lebron James, some “Gay” guy from Uconn, etc.). Oh fuck you Jeremy. And what would happen if one of these pro-bound players would blow out a knee or rupture an ACL playing an amateur sport that could be fetching them millions of dollars on the open market? Would you write them a check to pay their mortgage? Oh boo-hoo, the March Madness Tournament isn’t as good as it could be. Get over it, douchebag. The games are exciting enough, and those with the ability to provide for their families are already out earning a living in the real world, something many commie college professors are unable to do and have to suck off the taxpayer’s teet. If a Lebron James really wants to get a college degree, he’s more than able to on his own time and on his own dime. So grin and bear it, Jeremy, and deal with the fact you won’t see James and Greg Oden on the same court sporting Ohio State University jerseys. Asshole.
8:30 p.m.
• You cocksuckers asked for my address, phone number, social security number, mother's maiden name, shoe size and blood sample the last time I stopped in to get some batteries and this is what you do with all that information?
• You know, if I won $150k from the lottery or inheritance (now that's a funny one; I'd need 150,000 relatives to die and leave me everything), the sensible part of me would use this money to pay off the house and Mrs. kkk's school loan. But that was before I read this.
When I was a kid I had my picture taken with KITT at a car show. (Or at least that's what I was told when my mom paid the $5 for the photo. It was a black car with that red flashy thing. Good enough for me.) Somewhat funny story. When I was in grade school in the early/mid-80s, our class (of less than 10; private school, baby) had some assignment where we had to write where we wanted to live if we had the chance. The catch: it had to be a real place. I can’t remember what I wrote, but my best friend at the time wrote that he wanted to live in “Knight Riderland.” When the teacher asked him where this was he said, “Way far away.” How the hell to I remember this? Oh, and my mom wouldn’t let me watch the A-Team because it was “too violent.” Bitch.
11:15 a.m.
• Don't you know that teaching the Holocaust in British schools is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male, err, child?
10 a.m.
• So I’m listening to Boortz on his flagship 750-WSB Atlanta this morning via the Internet, and the station just had their sports guy talk about the upcoming Florida/OSU game. Who is this guy? Tony Schiavone. It was weird hearing him describe an event and not use the words, “THIS WILL BE THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT~!!!.”
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 31: Meatwad
When it comes to smart-ass replies, you can’t beat my Meat. I don’t think this chap likes me very much, but fuck it; this isn’t kkk’s Top 103 Posters That Like Him. If that was the case, my list would have to be whittled down quite a bit. But this is kkk’s Top 103 Posters, and important subjects like this can't be taken lightly. Sure he hates the term “better half,” which would probably put me in his doghouse just as if he hated the words "hippie," "commie" and "I like it in my ass fast and hard." He also has a never-ending arsenal of quips regarding my frugality. But here’s what I like about Meat: When he makes fun of you, he usually does a good job, as shown here at the other place. Oh well, it may have done nothing for you, but it made me laugh. And in the end that’s all what really matters now, isn’t it?
And now a word or three from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
From Cancer Marney:
8:15 p.m.
• cBS, lol.
8 p.m.
• Over in Smues’ blog, he references a little brouhaha regarding Jackson Hewitt and their Jewing the government out of some cash. A few days back I was thinking of posting this story because I had an experience with these people a few years back but I didn’t feel like typing it out. Now I do.
Back in Ohio I didn’t feel like doing my taxes one year so I decided to go to one of these tax places and just get it over with; previously I had just used TurboTax when it went on sale for $2, which also included a bunch of rebates. But I didn’t care this year; I just wanted to plop down and be told by some temp accountant how much I overpaid the government. I thought it would be that easy, yes. No.
When I came in to the Jackson Hewitt store, I was assigned to this black guy who was gong to give me the hook up, or something like that. This guy was a dickhead to me the whole time, with condescending remarks concerning my desire not to donate $1 to the hippie public election fund thingy, along with a few other similar stupid issues. When it came time to do the actual transaction, he got a confused look on his face and told me that I couldn’t file because I needed to provide a copy of last year’s return. Wha-? Yeah. Exactly. He told me that I needed to provide him with all this other information, and with that I left, went straight to the nearest big-box retail store to get TurboTax. When I got home, this guy left a message on my answering machine saying that I didn’t need all that other information and that if I returned we could file my return. Well I did file my return the next day, but I did it in the comfort of my residence.
And while I’m on this subject, I HATE hearing people bitch about having to file their taxes this time of year. You get W-2s and all that other shit in January/February. You have more than TWO MONTHS to do this. Have there been years when I filed on April 15? Yes. Did I bitch about having to do this? No. Know what I did? I FILED EARLIER THE NEXT YEAR. Actually, I’m lying. It took me a couple of years to get my lazy ass in gear. Sometimes it takes me a while to let it sink in. Ain’t nothing wrong with that as long as you know you’re a fuck up.
11:30 a.m.
• I don't frequent the wrestling folders here, so it may already be a "hot topic" at TSM, but I heard this on Atlanta's WSB-AM this morning and had to laugh.
And, regarding the third-to-last paragraph, WSB has been noting that Gilberti used to wrestle in WCW as "Disco Inferno." I guess the only thing worse than being known as the "guy who used to be the Disco wrestler" is when the media don't consider what you used to do for a living, in a profession where publicity is critical, as newsworthy.
9 p.m.
• Remember back during the football season I said that I liked NBC's "Football Night in America"? Well, that may be put to the test this year.
Then again, I shouldn't let my right-wing bias taint this; I liked Keith when he was on SportsCenter. Actually, when he was on ESPN I always wondered what he would be like if he talked about things other than sports. Boy did I ever get my wish. Looks like Sterling's a no-go. He was one of my favorite players before he got hurt. What that has to do with his broadcasting ability I have no idea.
• OK, so the second paragraph made me laugh. And I'm a believer in the Madden curse. If I was a Charger fan and saw LT on the cover, I'd be scared. Very scared.
6:15 p.m.
• So this got me laughing today on my “Around the Horn/PTI” background-noise-during-dinner-hour spectacular. I guess Steve Spurrier doesn’t like the stars and bars on the South Carolina state flag.
Of course there was a near circle-jerk about what a great guy Steve is and all that, but I was thinking what if Spurrier came out and said he thought the flag should stay as is. Boy would today’s reactions be a different. As for me, I don’t care what Spurrier says about this issue; actually I don’t really care what anybody says about the confederate flag. I’m a hated Yankee.
• Regarding the whole Virginia Tech thing: From an AIM chat earlier today with everybody’s favorite SNL recapper.
Great. Now I get to hear libs go “OMG GUNS R EVIL~!” for the next few weeks. Too bad there weren’t any thuggish Miami Hurricane players there; they would have put two in that Jap’s head.
• The hell?
I don’t think the better half and I were with our H&R Block chick for even an hour this year.
10:30 p.m.
• Time for another pic of the kids.
This was taken not too long after we first took Max in as a stray. He had a hell of a time trying to get the other two to like him. Here he is trying to charm Dessa by thinking if they lay on the same bed together it will expediate the bonding process; it's been 2+ years and he's still working on it. Well, actually, I think he's given up, and who can blame him? Bitches be trippin'.
• There’s one thing I hate more than mowing my lawn, and that’s Jews. Seriously, they own the banks, they own the media and they own the entertainment industry. And even though they want you to think they suck at sports, there’s Sandy Koufax and Shawn Green. Wait a second, I’m getting off-track. There’s two things I hate more than mowing my lawn. What’s the second thing?
Mowing my lawn for the first time in the spring.
Oh sweet Jesus do I fucking hate this shit. The grass gets a head start growing after the snow melts and the rain pours, keeping my lawnmower indoors while the land sprouts. And then when it’s warm enough for me to feel motivated and prime up the ol’ mower it takes me three-and-a-half hours and five 40 gallon lawn bags before I finish. But it’s done – for now. Where’s an undocumented Mexican when you really need one?
• I posted my NHL playoff picks a while back, and even though I think I’m doing OK over in the Eastern Conference, I know I’ve got Nashville going far in the West. Oops. Well, I might as well do the NBA now and get it over with.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- FIRST ROUND
Magic (8) v. Pistons (1): I have no idea who is on the Magic. There’s some Howard kid that’s supposed to be good. Hey, is Bo Outlaw still playing? He is! And it looks like he still wears those funky glasses. Pistons in 5.
Wizards (7) v. Cavs (2): The Wizards should be the eighth seed by default. What a lucky break the Cavs got with the Bulls choking in their final game of the regular season, thus dropping from the second to the fifth seed and giving Cleveland this matchup. Cavs in 5.
Nets (6) v. Raptors (3): I have no clue who is on the Raptors. They got the top draft pick last year, if memory serves, so I guess that went well. Nets in 6.
Bulls (5) v. Heat (4): With all the talk about the Bulls losing the second seed, they still played Miami tough in last year’s opening round. Although the Heat have to be a good team; after all, Pat Riley has said that he will coach them next year. If the Heat were going to suck, Riles would be out like shout. Bulls in 6.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- SECOND ROUND
Bulls (5) v. Pistons (4): I remember those Bulls/Pistons matchups from the late 1980s/early 1990s. Fuck MJ. Fuck Scottie Pippen. Pistons in 6.
Nets (6) v. Cavs (2): I like Lebron. Cavs in 6.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- THIRD ROUND
Cavs (2) v. Pistons (1): It’ll be like last year, only one round further. Pistons in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- FIRST ROUND
Warriors (8) v. Mavericks (1): No clue who is on the Warriors. I’ve heard they’ve beaten the Mavs as of late. Hooray for them. Mavericks in 5.
Lakers (7) v. Suns (2): Hope you like scoring all those points, Kobe, because that’s all you have to look forward to. Suns in 5.
Nuggets (6) v. Spurs (3): How has the Iverson experiment gone? I haven’t been paying attention. Spurs in 5.
Rockets (5) v. Jazz (4): I’m surprised the Jazz did as good as they did. However, I heard that some European guy is hurt, and I’m not sure if it’s the really good white guy Utah has. I’m not taking any chances. Rockets in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- SECOND ROUND
Rockets (5) v. Mavericks (1): I like Yao. I like T-Mac. I don’t like Houston’s chances of moving on. Mavericks in 6.
Spurs (3) v. Suns (2): I remember watching some of last years’ Spurs/Mavericks second-round playoff matchup. What a great contest that was. It’s a shame one of these teams has to lose. Spurs in 7.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- THIRD ROUND
Spurs (3) v. Mavericks (1): I give the nod to Dallas because San Antonio will be worn out due to all that running in their last round. Mavericks in 6.
NBA FINALS
Pistons (1) v. Mavericks (1): Dallas will finish what they started last year, and I get to laugh when David Stern hands the trophy over to Mark Cuban just as he gets on his private jet to make more pro-terrorist films. Mavericks in 6.
9 p.m.
• There are "experts" debating over using an ogre as an anti-obese spokesperson? And are there going to be Happy Meals featured in this third Shrek movie? And I'm sure this anti-ogre hate violates some sort of discrimination law.
2:45 p.m.
• So yesterday the better half and I went to a few different stores to pick up stuff. First it was to Petco to pick up Dessa’s birthday free birthday gift. Yes, Petco sent us a coupon good for two free ping pong balls due to her “birthday” being around this time. How they know this I have no idea – my guess is Mrs. kkk sent this information in at some point in time. Actually, Dessa was born in the winter, but we picked her up in April, so I guess “birthday” means when we got her from Paws. But I digress. This was actually a pretty clever marketing ploy. Bring some pet owner in for a free 59-cent rattling plastic ball and hope they buy some overpriced crap. And that’s just what we did.
As we walked in the store, the better half said, “we need to get them new toys.“ Christ. However, this was my lucky day because there were a bunch of things on clearance. We got four scrunchy-type toys (three for ours, one for the in-law’s cat) and this valentine’s day box with several catnip mousse. Total cost: $6. Not too bad, considering if we would have gotten everything at retail price it would have been $25. Yes, $25.
Another place we stopped at was Kohl’s because there was a sale on these storage bag things. There’s a chance you’ve seen them advertised on television. Just put a bunch of stuff in these bag and suck all the air out of it via a vacuum cleaner hose. I spent this afternoon home on a comp day playing with these bags. I like ‘em. Not only have I sucked away a bunch of bathroom towels I don’t like using but keep around because you never know when you’ll need an extra towel or four. I also sucked away a bunch of bed sheets and other similar things. Now our towel closet has about twice as much free space as before. Am I writing a bit too much about this? Probably. But I’m not a hard person to please.
• You know, if I had the funds, I might have purchased these, too.
For as awful as that reality show of hers was, I’m sure these would have been an even bigger trainwreck. I don’t know what’s more pathetic: People who write about the stupid minutia that goes on in their dreary, daily lives, or those that actually waste part of their lives reading this pathetic shit.
…
Fuck.
8:30 p.m.
This is why I hate applying for jobs.
I get on-line and have to fill out some hippie application. Why in the hell does anyone want to know where I've lived for the past 10 years is beyond me, but I digress. I play this stupid game and spend nearly two hours filling out all this retarded shit. So what happens after I've completed all the forms/questions/etc.? The goddamn form doesn't submit! I should stop here and not mention that I printed out all this information before submitting so I don't have to re-hash all the places I've lived/worked since 1997, but that's not the point. Well, yes it is, considering I'll probably have to re-type all this shit in again.
6:30 p.m.
OK, now this is a bit creepy.
"Jug"?
6 p.m.
• If you’ve watched ESPN anytime in the last few days, chances are you’ve seen
I admit, the “grenade” toss made me laugh.
• I don’t know why anyone would rip on Gary Sheffield. I agree with him wholeheartedly.
If American businesses want to hire illegals because they work hard and don’t bitch, then why should it be any different in baseball? LOL, and Michael Wilbon is defending Gary on PTI just as I’m typing this. Now that’s a shocker.
• Roger Clemens is not pitching tonight due to a sleepy groin, and I heard on the radio today that he will possibly start later this week against the Pirates. Great move, Yankees. Let the Rocket tune up one more time with a minor-league team before facing professional lineups.
Actually, I shouldn’t be too hard on the Pirates. They have the same win total as the Bronx Bombers. Sadly enough, last week a local newspaper ran this story:
7 a.m.
• So Billy Donovan is going back to the University of Florida.
I guess it's better than deciding not wanting to coach professional ball after game number 42 of next year's NBA regular season.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 20
OK, now the competition is getting fast and fierce; 83 have been listed, 20 remain. The swerves, the pageantry, the… oh let’s get this fucking thing over with.
This poster has been a mod for some time, and unlike other TSM’ers in leadership positions, this guy is actually pretty well respected for his modding and knowledge of the folder’s contents in which he patrols with a big stick. That’s wooden. And made in Louisville. Well, maybe not Lousville – I have no idea what with globalization and all. Anyway, even though the guy’s a commie, much like another Pennsylvanian on this list he’s from the eastern part of the state, so it’s only natural he would fear self-reliance. Nevertheless, he puts up with my retarded jokes and AIM questions regarding America’s National Pastime – all while having the power to ban me in the blink of an eye.
I’m talking of course about…
...Al Keiper.
3 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked a bit about my pro wrestling viewing habits. Someone asked me what turned me off from the product. I guess the best answer is I got bored. Sometime in late 2001-early 2002 I was sitting on the couch watching Raw and thought to myself, “Why am I watching this?” I changed the channel and didn’t look back. Every now and then I’ll flip on Raw just to see if I can recognize today’s “Superstars.” It’s a hit-or-miss affair. Did the consolidation of the major American wrestling companies have something to do with this? I would have to say probably. In the late 1990s I remember watching WWF, WCW and ECW programming. When Vince McMahon swallowed up the competition the product seemed stale, especially after the whole “Invasion” angle. Oh well, it’s not like I can’t find anything else to waste my time on. I have no clue as to the financial state of the WWE, nor do I care. I have no idea what happened in the last few Wrestlemania, nor do I care. Most of my wrestling info comes from glancing at the WWE folder here and looking at the latest thread. If it’s any good I might click on it. And sadly, like I said yesterday, most of these threads involve someone dying. Who knows, maybe one day I'll tune into pro wrestling on a regular basis. Not sure when that day will come, though.
7 a.m.
• So I haven't gotten any interesting "enlarge your penis" ads in my e-mail bin as of late. I get them, but many of the ads aren't all that creative or funny. However, this one below pimping some "penis patch" to enlarge my member the "natural" way makes the cut. Peep the freak on the right.
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 18: Bravesfan
There’s not much to say about Bravesfan. Hell, I didn’t even bother doing some fancy intro or anything. I’ve known him for a while at this place. Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad. He’s lived in Hawaii, moved to the Northwest to attend college, and that’s when I stopped keeping score. He still posts under some hippie name, but he’ll always be Bravesfan to me. God, this was a lame entry. Oh well, I still put more effort into it than he did with his most recent foray into the kkk Bowl postseason.
8:30 p.m.
• Well no shit.
Come on, illegals, invade this country. And bring a few towelheads with you. All I ask is that you blow shit up in San Fran, Berkley and Greenwich Village. Oh, and State College, too. Fuck that place.
• And this goddamn chat link at the top of the page is already getting on my nerves. I've mistakenly clicked on in four times today already.
• I might vote for Mike Huckabee in the Republican primary for thisquote alone.
Sadly, with the way Republicans have been acting, voting for someone because they made a Mikey Moore fat joke actually does seem like a good reason.
6 p.m.
• So I just took 20 minutes off of my life by going to Burger King. Hell, it's no worse than the two hours I lost due to some fagtard getting into an accident on the Parkway East this afternoon. Anyway, I tried one of their new Oreo shake things. It was there, but what gave me a hard-on was the straw it came with. Yes, the straw. Seriously, this thing is f'n HUGE. You don't have to worry about sucking on some plastic hole for 20 minutes in the hopes of getting some dairy delight. This bitch will suck up Oreo chunks like it's no problem. That's all I got.
7 a.m.
• A while back I mentioned the 1997 Pirates team that captured the heart of the city by hanging out at the top of the NL Central for most of the summer. Problem was, this was a sub-.500 team that got knocked off by a much better Astros team that decided to show up late in the season. I always found it funny that this "freak show," as it was dubbed by the Shittsburgh faithful was the most exciting time for baseball in the region since 1992. How sad is that?
Well, here's what's even sadder. The local media is doing a four-part series on this magical summer of '97. I linked the last in this series, and I'm not posting any of this shit. Go find it and read it yourself.
• Oh, no. My state's climate could be more like Alabama's if we don't get our emissions under control.
So says the UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS. Who comes up these names? I want to hear the report from the Right-to-Work State of Don't-Give-a-Fuck Scientists.
• Speaking of commie institutions, here's another one.
Bilked? Here's a wild thought. Maybe if the customers had the money in their accounts they wouldn't be subject to overdraft fees and all that other shit. Jesus Christ, what is so hard about having a little cash cushion in your bank account?
If you don't have enough money to cover a 50-cent candy bar, then you shouldn't be using your debit card in the first place. Actually, I have a funny story regarding this subject. When I was 16, I was at the mall and bought the Geto Boys' "Til' Death Do Us Part." After buying this album, I wanted a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger from the food court. I needed to take some money out of the ATM. I couldn't. There wasn't enough in my account to make the minimum $10 cash withdrawl. It was right then that I said to myself, "WTF, I don't even have enough for a 99-cent cheeseburger?!" (Actually, I had $8-9, but you get the point.) From that moment I've been the kkk-stein you've all know and love. Of course, if I had a debit card and used that, my 99-cent cheeseburger could have costed $30 with the draft fees, but let's just say I still would have learned my lesson. And besides, I was 16 at the time, and that is the best time to learn these financial survival skills –– not when you're an adult living on your own or trying to raise a family.
I still have that Geto Boys tape, and "Bring it On" still ownz all ur azzes.
5 p.m.
So the better half just called and told me I got a cell phone. Like anyone calls me on the landline. Now she'll be bitching about me never having it on, losing it or having it fall apart. Joy.
4:30 p.m.
• Just a note for all kkk Bowl participants: I should be making an announcement in the Sports thread late this month/early August. If you had a team last year, you’ll get first dibs at it again. I’m about halfway done with the score sheets and I might get motivated enough to finish it off today.
• Pity, really. I wish they would have paid an extra $6 million for covering up the action of perv priests.
Makes me wonder how many of these lawsuits are legit and how many are bullshit. Also makes me wonder why I didn't jump on the cash-wagon when I had the chance. That's right, Mrs. kkk is a Catholic. I'm a confirmed Lutheran. Drat.
• Saw the original Rollerball for the first time last night. Eh. I didn’t really like the whole “corporations take over the world” bit because I think a one-world government would have been a better fit. After all, I thought Big Corporation wanted wars, poverty and all that other good stuff. But despite my nit-pickery, it’s still a better movie than that crap which came out a few years ago under the same name.
6:45 p.m.
• Oh no, RACISM~!
Oh fuck, now the invasion is headed to my neck of the woods.
Oh well, at least Al Keiper will be happy, especially when these hard-working invaders take his job of stat-keeping local minor league games for less pay, or at least less hot dogs/nachos/whatever the Scranton Mud Hens pay out. Yes, I know that's not a real team. I already whiffed in my 3 p.m. entry, so why not make up teams while I'm at it?
• Get a job hippies ... and then you can own your holy mecca or whatever.
Oh please let a developer turn this land into a Wal-Mart.
3 p.m.
• So the better half’s boss isn’t that bad a person for an academic idiot. If I had to work with someone with a Ph.D., it would be her boss. However, there are times when I just shake my head and go WTF. Peep these two stories from yesterday.
1) This woman is paying some guy $400 to shop for a Honda Prius. I told Mrs. kkk to let her boss know I’d do it for $375. Hell, for a steady paycheck I’d shop at the hippie organic store for her, too.
2) The better half works for some research project that doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. It’s some funded study that analyzes if sexual behaviors of crackheads are more risky than those that inject heroin, or something equally stupid. Anyway, the boss was freaking out because the amount of crazy people applying for interviews has faded a bit. There’s only so much you can do by posting flyers around town. Now, what would be the obvious solution? To advertise. Personally, I think putting an ad or three in the local city paper (you know, those publications free to the public that have newsstands at the grocery store/theater/street corner/etc. However, when the Mrs. suggested advertising in newspapers and the like her boss said no because then there would be “too many responses.” Well alrighty then.
7:15 a.m.
• So Barry B*nds is now the HOME RUN CHAMP OF THE WORLD~! Whatever. Did he take roids? Yeah. Did other people? Yeah. Is the homer total legit? Sure. I just don't like him. At least he lost in that World Series to the Angles a few years back. Wow, him losing and Racist Dusty in one swoop. That was a good night indeed.
7:30 p.m.
• With my state recently getting into the slot machine business, I can't wait until this starts and the shit hits the fan, so to speak.
Wha-? What are they supposed to do. Inspect every seat someone gets up from?
And he still went back in to play. Fuck are these people pathetic.
Man, and with Pennsylvania home to bunches and bunches of old people, there should be nothing but good times ahead.
• Hey Smues, if the thought of planning a wedding is too much, try this. It will be less painful.
7:15 p.m.
• Wow, so Michael Vick was fibbing when he said he had nothing to do with "Bad Newz Kennels"? I'm shocked.
One thing I've wondered about during this whole ordeal. Even if he never plays football again, he was in the midst of a $100+ million contract (and I'm not even talking about endorsements). If he ends up broke due to not being able to play football, he truly is a dipshit (not like he's one already).
3 p.m.
• As a follow-up to my 10:30 a.m. entry, I've been stealing Jim Rome's "ERRR" soundbite at work for a while now. Let's just say the job I took in 2004 isn't the same one as it is now. It's amazing one you agree to a wage how suddenly there were BONUS duties that weren't mentioned in the interview process. For a while I used the term "told" when describing something that wasn't in my original job description. This February, I was brought in to my head boss' office where he attempted to scold me for my over-use of the word "told" in that month's report. (I used the magic word 5 times in an 1,100-word report. Oh, and I also mentioned that the "assistant" I was to hire, who had to have a college degree, was to be paid no more than $8/hour. Funny enough, there were no takers.) Much to his surprise, I countered. Boy did I ever counter. See, when you have things like facts and the truth on your side you tend to be much more relaxed when people are attempting to besmirch you. Anyway, I was "forbidden" to use the T-word. Works for me. What do I do now? Let's see.
Me talking to a sympathetic ear: "It's funny how I was tol--ERRR 'instructed' to create these TPS reports when, during my interview, I was tol-ERRR ‘it was said to me’ that this wouldn’t be my responsibility.
Yeah, no more "told." That was a good idea there, chief.
10:30 a.m.
• Nice. During the first segment of Boortz’s national broadcast there was a caller talking about the topic of “Would you vote for a Mormon for president.” After a long conversation of “faith,” “understanding” and all that other touchy-feely crap, the caller answered the question. “Yes … if it means keeping Hitlery out of office.” She must read "KK's Korner" because I can't imagine anyone else coming up with such a witty, original name to describe the future POTUS.
7:30 p.m.
• So the better half was a bitch all day and whenever this sort of thing happens I just ignore it the best I can. Usually in these situations any guy will tell you that asking these headcases what’s wrong will get you the obligatory “nothing.” Then, hours later, they’ll do the usual, “honey, I have to tell you something.” Well, snookums, what is bothering you today – A loveless marriage? Not having any kids you can’t afford or will shake to death at the first sign of an all-night screamfest? One of the cats on a weeklong medication? Nope. She’s “uneasy” about going to jury duty tomorrow.
Oh Jesus Christ.
Look, jury duty is an abomination, but there’s nothing worth moping about for days prior to the event. You show up. You sit. You read. If you’re lucky, you go home. If not, you waste your time hearing some DUI case. I had the misfortune of being on a jury once. If you didn’t read the thread I posted in where I talked about my exquisite time performing this civic duty, here goes.
8:15 p.m.
• And just how many farting cows had to be raised in order to provide beef for this global warming Big Mac deal?
Next thing you know, we'll be producing gas that takes more energy to produce than it provides in better mileage over other Big Oil products. Uh, nevermind. For those of you that didn't get the last sentence, don't worry. It was corny anyway.
8 p.m.
• So someone I know in Ohio sent me the following e-mail:
Knowing that clicking on any the links he gave me in his e-mail would make for some interesting reading, I did so. I wasn't disappointed.
My response to the e-mail first sent to me:
7:30 p.m.
• So I was flipping through some channels today and came across a preview for some program that was done shortly after 9/11. The preview said something like, "provocative movie directors from around the world talk about the effects of the terror attacks on America.” Who was the director featured in this preview? Sean Penn. Wow, what a shock. This special is being aired on the Sundance channel.
• "Around the Horn" talked about this today. And all the panelists were OUTRAGED at these comments made by Cincinnati radio talk guy Bill Cunningham.
Sadly, J.A. Adande echoed the first thoughts in my head as I heard this story: Thank God he didn't say this about Ken Griffey Jr. If so, he'd be a RACIST~! Whatever. It was probably an off-the-cuff comment. I've heard much worse.
3 p.m.
• So the brother of one of my co-workers died and she’s taking the week off to do funeral stuff. This brought about a discussion between me and my co-worker in the next office about company policy during a death in the family. I contended that a person could get the day off without pay in these matters while my counterpart thought that these days off are with pay. I asked another co-worker about this topic and figured that she would give use the correct answer since her father passed away a few years ago. Her answer was this: Because she “didn’t abuse” this benefit prior, my idiot boss said she got to take her father’s funeral day off WITH pay. This of course brings up the question of “abuse.” How does one abuse a benefit such as this?
“Boss, I need Monday off because my dad died.”
“You used that excuse six months ago when your mom died. No day off for you.”
Of course, when my grandma died earlier this year, I had to stay later than my scheduled half-day off (which I used sick time to fill in the remaining four hours of that shift) because my idiot boss has no management skills and asked me to drive to a nearby Kinko’s to price-check on something that has nothing to do with my job. Here’s how this gem of a chat went down.
“kkk, I need you to go to Kinko’s and find out how much this proposal will cost with and without binding.”
“But I’m going to my grandmother’s viewing service now. It’s at 1 p.m. and it’s going to take me at least 30 minutes to get there (note: the time was 12:30).”
“Can you do it real quick?”
Now normally I jump at the chance to stay away from my family, but not at the expense of mingling with this fuckwad. But in the end it all worked out. I saved a half-hour of sick time that I used elsewhere, I got a nice story that will be going into my eventual resignation letter that will be sent out companywide and I stayed away from my family for an additional 30 minutes. T’was a good day, tater.
Oh, and just to show I’m not being a paranoid asshole about my workplace situation (well, not as big a paranoid asshole as I already am), my co-worker recently attended this multi-day event as his job title dictates. Now all this guy put down on his expense report was mileage and hotel expenses. No food, drink or other miscellaneous costs. The day after he submitted his form, our one boss asked him, “In what capacity were you in attendance at this event?” What really makes this hilarious is that my co-worker deals in sales, and he’s never allowed to go anywhere. Well, he’s “allowed,” but he has to foot the bill for everything. This despite having a budget for this sort of thing that he’s not allowed to use. But to be fair, I have a similar budge for my department that I wouldn’t be able to tap into even with a sledgehammer.
7:30 p.m.
• So sfaJack is having to do some painting or whatever because the Cubs lost. It's amazing what our better halves want to do with the places they live at. Like I said the other day in my entry about those people buying houses just to tear half of it down, why bother? I remember when house-shopping with Mrs. kkk I wanted to do the least amount of renovating possible due to being a lazy bastard. Well, when we settled on our house I was quite glad the amount of refurbishing was minimal. We got new carpeting for the upstairs, but that shit needed a face-lift. Otherwise, I've done jack shit. Mrs. kkk on the other hand...
The highlight of her meddling came regarding our first-floor bathroom. I've mentioned before that she repainted this room from a pleasing brisk blue to a shit brown, and she did this when I was out of state for a few days on business. Of course she didn't get the project complete, so imagine my pleasant surprise when, after driving 5+ hours and having to take a monster poop, I ventured in the house and saw plastic all over the place and a ladder in the middle of the bathroom's walkway. Thank God for upstairs toilets. Oh, and here's said bathroom.
Now why would some do such a thing? One reason was so it would match our towels~! The second was so she could stencil this shit on the wall.
I may have talked about this before, but the search function is busted. If you heard this story already, blame Mole.
Why do I have no desire to make home improvements? I said above that I’m lazy, but there’s some probably some childhood trauma I have to consider, too. When I was a kid, my parents bought some big-ass three story house that my dad said they couldn’t afford. My mom busted out the tears and they got the house. I was a kid at the time, but this house needed a shitload of work, and boy did my old man work on this residence. I remember him remodeling the third floor and doing a bunch of stuff with paint, wires and other stuff that’s found inside of walls. What was his reward for all this? A divorce that saw my mom sell the house. Ouch.
11:45 p.m.
• Some of this stuff made me chuckle. That's all I got. Just Google the headline if you want a source.
8:45 p.m.
• For as much as I want to goof on Joe Pa and Sappy Valley, I must say I’m impressed.
At least he didn’t blame the brake pedal for making his vehicle go twice as fast as it plowed into a car/pole/building. I saw him once while living in this shit hole. I was at an ATM machine and he was walking buy. Some guy said something to him and when he replied I turned and saw him. Uh, yay and stuff.
• So I finally got around to seeing “Wishmaster 2.” I liked it, especially with that goofy white guy being the “costume” for the bad guy. Please note I liked it due to the sheer awfulness of the whole thing. God, I have so many bad horror movies saved up on my DVR it’s not even funny. But do know what was funny? This.
“The South Will Rise Again.”
And sometimes, the IMDB reviews are funnier than any script out there.
7 p.m.
• So I'm roaming the wires, and this got a chuckle out of me. Two articles are next to each other, each with the same lead. The first headline reads:
and the second reads:
That's all I got.
• I just heard on the television that not only is the "Caveman" show still on, but now the next show will introduce the first CaveWOMAN~! Find the people watching this shit and sterilize them. NOW.
7 p.m.
• Oh boy, western Pennsylvania.
The long-standing rivalry between Coke and Pepsi took a physical turn Friday when a Pepsi deliveryman allegedly punched his Coke counterpart in the face at a western Pennsylvania Wal-Mart, state police said.
Could this be in my neck of the woods?
Nuts. Indiana is to the east of me. Oh well, maybe next time.
10:15 a.m.
• I just got done watching part of the “Fast Food Nation” and boy was I not disappointed (when I feel motivated, I'm going to have to check out IMDB's message board section about this masterpiece). I read bits of the hippie book, and while thumbing through its pages I thought “Boy I sure wish they would make a movie out of this.” If you want a laugh, check it out. My only regret was that Esai Morales and Bruce Willis were in it. Esai I understand because I’m under no pretenses that the guy’s a commie. However, I like him anyway. I didn’t see Bruce’s character, so I at least hope he played some evil greedy right-wing corporate exec. Otherwise, when I saw his name in the credits I went, “Why Bruce why?” Like I said before, I didn’t see this genius in its entirety, but I saw enough. Slaughterhouses, corporate greed, oppressing the underclass and invaders undocumented American citizens, pseudo-hippies. “Well I can't think of anything right now more patriotic than violating the Patriot Act!” Fuck you Paco. My name translates into Paco in Spanish, too, and you’re no Paco. Well, actually Paco is a “nickname” of my formal wetback name, but whatever. I remember back in middle school there was some “rhyme” in Spanish that involved the word Paco, and I was the only one in my grade who could say the entire verse in less than 3.5 seconds. This of course didn’t take away from the fact I HATED that class and failed. Then again, I failed a bunch of classes back in my middle school days. I had the same teacher for my Francais class the year after, and I flunked that, too. Christ, was I a miserable little shit back then. Two years later when I was in high school I was studying Francais yet again just before a girl’s volleyball contest when my former aforementioned teacher, who was sitting in front of me, made some remark about my studying, and at that moment I just smiled and thought, “How the hell did she put up with me back then?”
Where was I going with this? Ohhhh, shiny object.
6:30 p.m.
• So I get a call from the better half today.
“Someone hit the car.”
“You OK?”
“Yes.”
“Any damage?”
“There’s a dent by the front wheel side.”
“What happened.”
“Someone backed into me in this parking lot, etc. (Long story short: It was all his fault.)”
“Did you get his information?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. It didn’t look bad.”
Christ. So if there was some damage done, however unlikely it may be, we’re fucked. Yippie. Considering Mrs. kkk had this car near-totaled back in '03 due to some bitch gabbing on a cell phone ramming into her just months after she bought the vehicle new you'd think she'd be more vigilant about dealing with idiot drivers. Guess not.
9:30 p.m.
• Generally, whenever spring/summer sprouts its sunny head the bad drivers come out and cause havoc with those like me that would like nothing better to do than get to work in one piece. However, the last few days the job commute has just been crazy. Peep this:
Wednesday. Multi-car accident on the Parkway East. The overflow from motorists not wanting to engage in interstate gridlock made my commute 20 minutes longer.
Thursday. On the way along a state highway, we phoned in an accident that just took place.
Friday. Mrs. kkk told me of some BUTT-fucker that cut her off and almost ran into her.
Saturday. Some guy backed into the better half’s car. See my Saturday entry for more information.
The best was saved for last, though. We were doing some errands in this shopping center and we came to a shitty three-way intersection. The car across from us went. OK, they were first and they should go first. The car to our left then cut in. OK, a prickish move but whatever. Now it was our turn. However, the Jeep that took the place of the first car suddenly shot out in front of us and tried to turn in front of us was another story. The best part was the asshole who then yelled out to Mrs. kkk “Bitch.”
Wrong move.
I blared on the horn, got out of the car and was seconds away from getting into a full-fledged fistfight. For all the talk I do, I’m nothing more than a giant vagina. However, this pushed me over the edge. If Mrs. kkk had been in the wrong we would have taken the verbal abuse and moved on. But don’t you almost get us into an accident that was 100 percent your fault, and don’t you dare then call my wife a “bitch.” You fucking cock-sucker. I haven’t gotten into a fight in almost 20 years, and even then that scrap made South Park’s cripple fight look like the Rumble in the Jungle. I’m not sure if I would have gotten my ass kicked or even shot, but for some reason a rage just game over me and afterward Mrs. kkk said the following.
“In our ten-plus years together, I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Well, are you chalking this up to another of my ‘road rage’ fits?”
“I don’t know what to call it, although I’m rather impressed you’d act this way for me.”
After this was all said and done, the first thought I had was that I really need to get a concealed firearm because if not I have a feeling this is the way I’m going to check out. Oh, and whatever testosterone rush I displayed out in the parking lot I sapped away when our grocery bill had $62 in store and coupon savings. Hey, not only were Air Wick oil scent warmers on sale, but you also got a free holder with coupon(s).
5:45 p.m.
• So the better half asked me the question of all questions today. “How many Halloween movies did they make?” Hoo-boy. Here’s how that conversation went. You can figure out who said what. I also don’t care if I got any facts wrong.
“Well, there was the first Halloween and Halloween 2, which takes place right after the events of Halloween 1. Then there’s Halloween 3”
“*Says something about Michael Myers.*”
“No. Halloween 3 has nothing to do with Michael Myers. It deals with this place that makes these masks which turn people into killers or something.”
“That’s retarded.”
“Michael Myers comes back in Halloween 4.”
“Why is he after that little girl.”
“That’s Jamie Lee Curtis character’s kid.”
“What happened to Jamie Lee Curtis.”
“I don’t know. Probably died or something.”
“OK.”
“Then there’s Halloween 5 when Michael is still after the girl.”
“Does he get her?”
“No. He gets caught and some dude with a machine gun breaks him out of jail at the end.”
”What?
“Yeah, then there’s Halloween 6, where we learn Michael is part of some cult, or is the God of some cult, or something or other. I think he finally kills that girl, but I'm pretty sure that the girl squirted out a kid. I have no clue as to the ending.”
“Then why is Jamie Lee Curtis in that H2O one?”
“Oh, well you have to pretend Halloweens 3-6 never happened and H2O takes place some time after Halloween 2. Then after that there’s the one with Busta Rhymes and Jamie Lee Curtis getting killed.”
“Is that all of them?”
“Well, sorta. They just came out with another Halloween movie directed by Rob Zombie. I’m not sure if it’s a remake or what, but if you want to include that one we’re up to nine.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well you asked.”
And the sad thing is I really like Halloween’s theme music. Actually, when I saw Halloween 6 for the first time I was with a girl friend at Slippery Rock University in a trailer she rented for the semester. I said “girl friend” not “girlfriend.” Anyway, it was the middle of the night and as she started up the movie her Pittsburgh Penguins framed poster fell in her bedroom and made a loud “CRASH,” causing both of us to jump. After she cleaned up that mess there was this thumping sound from outside, probably from a tree branch. As she went to open the door to see what it was I yelled out “DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR!” Boy did that freak her out. Boy did she get pissed. Boy did I laugh out loud. Sad thing was, after seeing Halloween 6: The Bowel Movement of Michael Myers, that crashing poster was scarier.
10:30 p.m.
• So my genius supervisors finally suckered hired someone to take over for an employee that died four months ago. As I met with this chick for the first time to talk with her about a work e-mail account, among other things, the first thing she said was “they never told me what I’d be doing.” Oh this is going to work out just great. Actually, today, her fourth day on the job, she’s already called off. Assuming the idiot bosses haven’t compromised their $8/hour policy when it comes to hiring office staff, something tells me this person won’t be around much longer. What cracks me up is when a half-hearted effort was under way early this year to replace my assistant, I was only allowed to advertise in the city’s second-tier newspaper, have a bare minimum amount of words and publish the ad in the immediate city zone (the ad didn’t go out to the suburbs). According to my count, the job search for this most recent vacancy, which deals directly with my one idiot boss, has already been twice advertised in the city’s top newspaper, has a bunch more words in it (one of the lines was “must be a hard worker”) and was published in editions that went out to the suburbs (or at least to the newsstands in my neighborhood). Christ I love this place.
7:45 p.m.
• So sfaJack talked about the joys of moving, and Christ is he right. I’m all moved out. I took my shit and moved to Sappy Valley back in January of 1999 during a blizzard. A year and some change later I moved within the apartment complex the better half and I were living at. It was May of 2000 and Mrs. kkk got accepted to the University of Dayton Master’s Program. We decided it would be best if we split for the summer. I’d keep working my two jobs for a few months and she could go back home and work a few jobs she had lined up there. When August came we’d head off to glorious Middletown Ohio, and we did just that. Then there was the move back to the Shittsburgh region in August of 2003 followed by our latest move to our first home in August of 2004. The next move I make will be to either a retirement home or the grave. Well I shouldn’t say that – I’ll probably just hire movers or something. When you get older, one way you can feel your age with how terrible you feel after a move. With all this said, there are times when you should engage in a move. Believe me, sometimes assisting with a person’s move can build you up a nice line of “you owe me credit.” Here’s my example.
Mrs. kkk’s brother-in-law never really liked me. No, it wasn’t because I was an asshole or anything like that. It was just because I was banging his baby sister. Well that and I’m not a “man’s man.” I don’t hunt, drink beer, work on cars or do any of that other shit. But one thing I’m good at is being a worker bee, and when his family was moving for the third time to a house on the same street (don’t ask) I was one of only two people that showed up to assist him. After that it was like night and day – he loves me now. In fact, the better half said she couldn’t believe the seemingly instant transformation that took place. It’s a guy thing. I’m still not allowed to go hunting with him, though.
8:30 p.m.
• Wow, this is just like my "One of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male," only this person did actual research and stuff. Go to the site yourself and click on the links for each story.
8:15 p.m.
• I heard this on the radio this morning.
After doing a quick rundown, I concluded that I could see the Steelers being Number 2. I thought about who would be Number 1, and I was correct (Green Bay). However, Number 3 surprised me -- Cleveland.
Cleveland?
Now I don't go to NFL games, but my guess would have been Seattle. Then again, the last time I went to a professional football game was in 1993.
3 p.m.
• What a proud day for my people.
Then again, after it's all said and done, I'm sure each of them will be getting about $20.
I wonder if this incident was part of the HATE CRIME stats that are rising?
LOL at the BBC surprised at this news. Yeah, there's no racism at all up north. Somebody didn't see "Gangs of New York."
