8/10: Arrested Developments
• That Karl Rove is a genius. Let’s face it Republicans, according to the polls, we aren’t doing so well, and the mid-term elections are only a few months away. So what does our Lord and Savior Jesus Rove do?
1) He gets a “moderate” Democrat by the name of Joe Lieberman to lose in his primary to this liberal who had the founder of the Daily Kos blog in his political commercials. Then he gets Lieberman to run as an Independent, and it’s quite possible that Joe can win in his state's general election.
2) Rove then gets a bunch of would-be terrorists (allegedly, of course) busted who wanted to blow up several airplanes that would be going from Britain to America. I’m sure Rove knows every time a terrorist boards a plane and uses focus groups to determine if it’s more beneficial for his boss if the plane turns into fiery wreckage or if Mohammad and friends get caught beforehand.
So not only does the Bush administration get to strike fear of an impending terrorist attack into the American public, but also Rove gets to expose the Democrat Party (even more than usual) as a bunch of pre-9/11 namby pambys with their heads buried in the sand regarding Muslims who want to chop our heads off. As an added bonus, if Lieberman wins as an Independent this means that the Democrats will have one less body in the Senate. In other words, if the GOP drops to 49 seats after this next election we will still retain a Senate majority. With “Independent” Jim Jeffords and Lieberman taking up two slots, the Democrats could also only get a maximum of 49 seats, which gives any tie-breaking votes to Dick Cheney.
Every time I think the Republicans are in trouble, Karl Rove always comes through in the clutch. Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
• Speaking of arrests, the other day Maurice Clarett got pulled over by the PO-lice, who found four loaded guns, a machete and a half empty bottle of vodka in his vehicle. When the cops tried to taser him for being unruly, they discovered that Clarett was also wearing a bullet-proof vest. Wow. I know it’s hard for a black man to drive in this RACIST society of ours, but it can’t be that dangerous as to equip yourself like you’re going to war, can it? I was watching Jim Rome’s ESPN show yesterday, and it was funny to see all the sub-hosts wondering who’s to blame for Clarett’s fall? Uh, did Ohio State put those guns in his vehicle? Did the NFL strap on that bullet-proof vest? Why I bet that Buckeye football coach drank half of that vodka. Oh and fuck all those people who say "this is a sad story." That piece of shit brought all of this upon himself; I find the whole thing funny as hell.
• While I’m on the subject of running backs that may never carry another pigskin in the NFL, things don’t look good for Jets halfback Curtis Martin. If his knees are indeed shot to hell, I hope he’s saved his money over the years and can retire in peace. He wasn’t all that flashy, but he certainly got the job done. I always thought it was weird that Martin was able to play under the radar despite being in the media capital of the world for all those years.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick says that her and her boyfriend are trying to go about their relationship like any good Christian couple would. However, there is one problem. Before meeting “Mr. Right” this chick had another boyfriend, and one night they had sex. As a result, the guy gave her snatch herpes. She called because she didn't know if or when the right time would be to tell her current boyfriend of her medical condition.
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