8/26: Bills Of Right (And Wrong)
A while back I was talking about Lottery People and mentioned some of my fun exploits with this breed of customer. In one entry I mentioned how my Quickie-Mart’s management had two sets of rules: one set were rules that were flexible and another set that were rigid. The flexible rules were ones that our district managers would tell us we had to perform, but everyone never did, including our store manager. One such rule was not being allowed to accept anything bill denomination higher than $20. Sometimes when our manager who was one rank above our store manager was on the rag she’d bitch about us having too many $100 bills in our safe, but otherwise we would always accommodate our customers who would pay with a $50 or $100 bill.
Did I say “we”? I meant “everyone but me.” Below are my top three customer experiences with people wanting to pay for $10 worth of gas with a $100 bill, or something close to that nature.
3) I had this guy with some bratty kids come up to my register, and when he opened his wallet he handed me a $100 bill for $20 or so worth of gas. After telling him I couldn’t accept his currency due to store policy he said that he had no other way to pay for his order. I was calling bullshit on this one for two reasons. Reason A: When he opened his wallet I saw several credit cards. Reason B: When he opened his wallet, I noted a number of dollar bills in his wallet that were of acceptable denomination. Now we were told that if a customer couldn’t pay for his or her fuel, we were to take their driver’s license until they returned with payment. Naturally, I told him that if he was unable to pay for his order that I would need his license. He said, “You can look at it, but you’re not going to take it from me.” I responded with something like, “Well if you drive off this lot I am going to call the police and report a gray Buick with the plate numbers *I called them out while writing them down on a slip of paper* just drove off without paying." Surprise. He pulled out a $20 bill and paid for his purchase.
2) This guy came in to pay with a $50 bill and I said that I wasn’t allowed to accept anything over a $20. I then got one of my favorite customer lines. “Well where’s a sign that says this, huh?” I love it when a customer pulls this, because then I get to point out all the signs they missed on their way to the register. I pointed to the two signs at my counter, the two at my co-workers counter, the half-dozen or so that were posted throughout the store, the several that were posted by the entranceway, and the signs posted on EVERY ONE OF MY STORE’S EIGHT PUMPS. The customer wasn’t amused, but I sure as hell was.
1) Some guy tried to pay for his fuel with a $100 bill, which I told him I wasn’t allowed to accept. After he threw a fit for several minutes about how I had to accept this because it was “legal U.S. tender,” I told him that he could go the other cashier standing next to me because she’d probably accept your payment. I, on the other had, wouldn’t because that’s not our store policy and that I had been reprimanded before for accepting a $50 bill. (OK, so this was a lie. Big deal.) Instead of going to the other cashier, who had a deer in headlights look because I had dragged her into this mess, this guy threw a fit for a little while longer and asked for our company’s customer service number. I said it’s posted right outside the entrance door. He then went outside and pulled out his cell phone to call our 1-800 number and complain about me. One problem. He called the local phone number posted out by the door instead of calling the 1-800 number. I picked up our ringing phone and got to hear this guy say how he has been a loyal customer of our company for years and spends A LOT of money with us. He then said that a cashier at one of our stores was refusing him service because he wanted to pay with a $100 bill. You would think this guy would realize that he was talking to the cashier he interacted with just a few minutes ago, but he didn’t (I’m surprised he didn’t pick up on the background noise, like, say, ringing registers and all those other Quickie-Mart noises). I said the cashier was in the right and that they aren’t allowed to accept any bills higher than a $20 because it was a safety issue and that our store’s insurance carrier demands this policy be adhered to. I then added some bullshit about how there are these “mystery shoppers” who try to pay with $50 or $100 bills just to see if the cashier would accept the payment, and that if the cashier would accept these bills they would be fired. He bitched about something or other, hung up, went back into the store and paid for his purchase with a $20.
With these tales you may wonder why I would be such an asshole to customers? Well, 1) I am an asshole. 2) You need to entertain yourself somehow during an eight-hour shift.
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