9/7: #56, Docudrama, NFL Pickkks
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 56: Canadian Guitarist
A returning participant in my pick ‘em contest, he’s hoping to challenge C Dubya 04 and Vern Gagne for the NFC West Division title this year. Other than that I don’t know much about him. I do know that he works at Wal-Mart, and because he’s a self-professed hippie I can’t imagine he takes much joy in helping his employer take over the world. At least he checks out more than just the low-priced merchandise made in China while on the clock, and it doesn't matter what side of the register his chick of the day is standing at. Unfortunately he also thinks of other TSM posters while having sex, but hey, I don't care what he does to get his jollies as long as he submits his picks on time.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
I'm a little disturbed by how obsessed he is with the non-sport of golf and that he seems to be almost proud of the fact that he's been working at Wal-Mart for a few years now, but he's usually got a semi-humorous little story to share and his writing is above average for a message board so he's ok by me.
From Cancer Marney:
"Canadian?" Okay, I don't care at all now.
• It appears some big bad Democrats are getting their panties in a knot over this ABC "9/11" movie, or whatever the hell it’s going to be called. “Waaaah. It’s not fair. There’s stuff in this special that wasn’t true.” I’m surprised that former National Security Advisor Sandy Burglar didn’t just swipe the video of this production, stuff it down his pants and walk out of the editing room. Actually, I don’t really care about this “9/11” movie, and I’m not going to watch it. I wonder if the same people bitching about this special also had the same passion about that hippie “The Reagans” movie made a few years ago? I thought that abortion would have made for a great sitcom. You could have started this program in the same way as the “Dick Van Dyke” show where Mr. Van Dyke walks into his living room, only to trip over a stool. When Ronnie does the same, he can be shown accidentally pushing on The Button, triggering a nuclear explosion. I can hear the music now.
Daaaaa da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da da
BOOM!
I’d watch that. For about 10 seconds. But that’s better than my usual attention span when it comes to network television.
• Paris Hilton got busted for driving under the influence (allegedly, of course). Outside of her driving while drunk, I don’t see the big deal. Considering her body weight, I’m sure it doesn’t take much to get her tipsy. Hell, it’s not like she’s all that rational when she’s sober to begin with. I think you’re a shithead if you drive while drunk, but if you don’t injure anybody other than yourself then I won't wish death upon you.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This chick had been in a relationship with this guy for 20+ months. The guy couldn’t find steady work in California and thus moved back to him hometown in Colorado where he got a job with his cousin. The caller said she is trying to “make this work” but just gets laughed at by the boyfriend. I’m not sure if she actually asked a question, but I did hear her cry on one occasion during this call.
Runner up: This guy lived with this chick for three years, and she popped out a kid. They split up and he has said that ever since then she has gone downhill. And I quote: “She lost her job, she lost her car, she lost her Section 8 Housing…” I didn’t hear what he said next because I was laughing too loud to hear.
• As if I don't have enough retarded features, here's one more: My NFL Pickkks of the Week. What I will do is predict which NFL teams will win or cover the spread this week. I'll be using the same spreads as I use for my kkk Bowl contest; the spreads are posted early in the week, so some games (like the Dolphins/Steelers) may seem a bit off. Too bad. I need all the help I can get. All my picks take about five seconds to determine and my commentary under each game is my first thought upon seeing each match-up and the point spread given for that game.
Miami at Shittsburgh (3.5)
I'm not buying Miami being a Super Bowl contender just yet (the season hasn't even started yet), but with Big Ben out and a number of Steelers with nagging injuries I'm taking the Dolphins.
Atlanta at Carolina (5.5)
Is Carolina one of those teams that plays well against Vick, or was that Tampa Bay (or both)? Shit. Just in case I'll side with Atlanta.
Baltimore at Tampa Bay (3.5)
It'll take a week or two for McNair to get adjusted to being a Raven.
Buffalo at New England (8.5)
High point spread, and will New England experience a drop-off this year? It's Week 1 so I'll go with the Pats offense over the Bills defense.
Cincinnati at Kansas City (3.5)
Two good offenses. The Bengals have a linebacker suspended for the first few games, so I'll give the ball the the Chiefs running game, which will be a better defense against Carson Palmer then the Kansas City starting eleven on that particular side of the ball.
(3.5) Denver at St. Louis
The AFC West is tough enough. Denver needs to relish out-of-division games against last year's non-playoff teams.
New Orleans at Cleveland (3.5)
Reggie Bush will make a big run or two and Chris Berman will spooge all over his notes.
N.Y. Jets at Tennessee (3.5)
I have no idea about this one.
(4.5) Philadelphia at Houston
I'm pulling for Houston in this one, but McNabb will make a big throw or two and Tom Jackson will spooge all over his notes.
(6.5) Seattle at Detroit
Seattle is going to take its Super Bowl loss out on the Lions. Poor kitties.
(3.5) Chicago at Green Bay
For some reason I'm smelling upset, but I've also been smelling how Favre has been playing for the last year or two.
Dallas at Jacksonville (2.5)
This is going to be a fun game. I'm taking Dallas just because of the points. If the Cowboys lose then ESPN's jihad on T.O. will reach epidemic proportions.
San Francisco at Arizona (7.5)
I think the Cards will win, but not by a touchdown.
(3.5) Indianapolis at N.Y. Giants
MATCHUP OF THE MANNINGS! MATCHUP OF THE MANNINGS!! OMG IT'S THE MATCHUP OF THE MANNINGS!!! Just when will they play against each other -- on special teams? I'm hoping Payton gets the best of his little sister.
Minnesota at Washington (4.5)
I'm sensing upset here.
(3.5) San Diego at Oakland
If Rivers plays bad against the Raiders, then the Bolts are in a world of trouble.
4 Comments
Recommended Comments