• Well Brad Pitt won’t marry Angelina Jolie until everybody can marry, regardless of sexual preference. Uh, OK. I guess I probably could go down the conventional right-wing route and whine about how the Hollywoodliberalelite should just shut up and make movies and not spout their commie beliefs to red-state America. Maybe I should also lament back to when Pitt made that “Seven Years in Tibet” movie, and Time magazine asked for his opinion about the China-Taiwan situation to which he replied, “What do I know? I’m an actor.” Nah, I’m not going to do any of this. Instead I have to give my brother from another mother a pound, thug-style yo. If only I had thought up this idea a few years ago. “Sorry dear, we can’t get married until Tom and Steve are allowed to do the same.” Brilliant. I guess I could say that if Pitt and Jolie became Canadian citizens then they could get hitched, but I’m not going to player-hate on Pitt’s strategy.

• Former TWA workers are picketing their own union. Rock on. When it’s union versus union, which side vandalizes the automobiles?

• So some states will need to put welfare recipients in a job or risk losing federal money. I think the biggest problem will be getting these people to stay at a place of employment for longer than 20 minutes -- either that or managing a flex schedule that doesn’t interfere with these people’s television viewing habits. Judge Joe Brown > Becoming more self-reliant. Wait, did I say states had to find welfare recipients "employment"? I meant "job training, community service or other work activities." Wow, that welfare reform. How heartless.

• Tomorrow is going to be weird for me. With every sport there are a few teams that you either like or hate with no gray area in-between. In Major League Baseball, the most prominent example of this is the New York Yankees. One example of this happening in the NFL is with the Dallas Cowboys. When it comes to college football, I consider Notre Dame to be one of these teams; count me in the group that doesn’t like the Fighting Irish. I don’t know why I dislike Notre Dame, I just never did. The only reason I can think of off the top of my head is that when they played the University of Colorado in some bowl game years ago, I liked Colorado because the team ran out onto the field with their buffalo mascot. I also got sick of media hype given to “The Rocket” Ishmael. Stupid reasons to be sure, but they’re reasons nevertheless. All this changes tomorrow when Notre Dame plays host to the Penn State Nittany Lions. Having lived a year-and-a-half in Sappy Valley, I can say that if Mohammad-Abdul ever decides to put a jihad on that stupid lion statue that just about every PSU student poses at during his or her time at this shithole in the center of Pennsylvania, I’ll chip in for the dynamite. Go Irish.

• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this): Today’s caller has a son who lives far away and is about to get married (I think he’s in his 20s). The caller’s husband, who is the stepfather of her son, said that he doesn’t want to attend the wedding, nor does he want the caller to go to this blessed event. When the caller asked her hubby why he felt this way, the guy said because they already went on vacation last month and that this trip would cost too much money. Also, he’s afraid of flying. He added that if she goes to this wedding she might as well stay there because she’s “choosing her kids over him.”