• One of the fun things about watching a movie you’ve already seen with someone who’s viewing it for the first time is listening to their guesses about how the film’s plot will unfold. A few nights ago the better half and I were watching “Saw.” While I had already seen this film several times already, this was her virgin excursion. Warning: SPOILERZ AHEAD. Toward the end where that orderly was being chased by Danny Glover’s character, Mrs. kkk began saying how there just had to be more than one person in on this conspiracy to put people in death contraptions. I just let her continue with her hypothesis of who the real killers were. When it was finally revealed that there was only one Jigsaw, and he was that patient in the hospital, without missing a beat she said, “I knew it had to be that old guy all along.” That old guy who was only shown on screen for about a second lying on a hospital bed? Uh-huh. In regards to the actual movie itself, I didn’t think “Saw” was that bad. It wasn’t as great as some people made it out to be, but it was nice for what it was. I haven’t seen the two sequels yet; “Saw II” is one of those films I’ll get around to one of these days, and I’m not even thinking about the third installment. Oh, and here’s a tip for all married guys – even when you are describing anyone of the opposite sex just to help your better half identify who this person is, don’t do it. Now I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but whenever the better half has asked me which celebrities do I think are attractive, I keep my mouth shut. However, last night I was off my A Game. Here’s the conversation that took place during “Saw’s” opening credits:

Mrs. kkk: Danny Glover is in this?

 

Me: Yeah, and that Monica Potter chick.

 

Mrs. kkk: Who?

 

Me: She was in “Patch Adams” and “Along Came a Spider.” You know, that blonde with the brown eyes … (It was at about this point when I said to myself, “ooooh, shit.”)

 

Her: Oh, so you know what her eyes look like but you don’t know what mine are colored!?!? (She claims her eye color is this goofy shade that isn’t even in those 100+ Crayola boxes, but in reality they’re just brown.)

Learn from my mistakes. Lord knows I make enough of them.

• So it looks like Joe Torre is getting a stay of execution from George Steinbrenner. Whatever. I don’t care. Actually, I thought it’d be funny to have Lou Pinella come in and tear some shit up; it worked for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers when Tony Dungy got fired from that team and they brought in John Gruden. Now I’m a huge Dungy fan, but that team just couldn’t get to the next level. Tony took a historically terrible franchise and turned it around to where it was a playoff contender. However, whenever playoff time came, the Bucs just couldn’t get it done. When Gruden came in, he lit a fire just long enough to give Tampa Bay its first Super Bowl win. So even if Torre got fired this off-season in favor of Hothead Lou, I might not have agreed with the front-office decision, but I would have understood it.

• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This 19-year old girl says that she’s been seeing this guy off-and-on for three years and now she’s knocked up. Mr. Right says that he wants to see other people and has sex with other women before coming back home to have sex with her. When asked why she’s with this guy, the caller’s response is, “he said he loves me.” When the subject of getting that baby to an adoption agency comes up, the caller replies that she has “other ideas” because “my sister had one when she was 16.” Oh, and also because Mr. Right has told the caller that he wants to be there for the baby, too.