10/15: I :Wub: Karl Rove
• If you read the crap I type at this place for any length of time, chances are you know for the most part where my political loyalties reside. Well despite all the negative press surrounding the GOP, there's one weapon the Party of the Jackass can't counter: Karl Rove. Karl Rove is my hero. Karl Rove has super powers. Karl Rove can suppress votes from urban districts in a single bound. And now my confidence is running at a high that hasn't been seen in months, thanks to this article. Here's how the story starts off:
Amid widespread panic in the Republican establishment about the coming midterm elections, there are two people whose confidence about GOP prospects strikes even their closest allies as almost inexplicably upbeat: President Bush and his top political adviser, Karl Rove.
And just why is Karl Rove upbeat? A few paragraphs down we get the answer...
The question is whether this is a case of justified confidence -- based on Bush's and Rove's electoral record and knowledge of the money, technology and other assets at their command -- or of self-delusion. Even many Republicans suspect the latter. Three GOP strategists with close ties to the White House flatly predicted the loss of the House, though they would not do so on the record for fear of offending senior Bush aides.
While this may seem like an unflattering description of Karl Rove's state of mind, you have to read in-between the lines. It helps if you're a Party Ideologue like me and have your Karl Rove Decoder Ring. Look closer:
The question is whether this is a case of justified confidence -- based on Bush's and Rove's electoral record and knowledge of the money, technology and other assets at their command...
The voting machines are going to be rigged. I love you, Karl Rove. 
• Speaking of Karl Rove, is it any coincidence that right after the Mark Foley scandal, the original "Mark Foley," former Masshole congressman, and same-sex page boinker extraordinaire, Gary Studds just bit the big one? (Please note I'm talking about death and not about some well-endowed intern.) Anyone care to wager on who made the arrangements to off this guy? That's right. I love Karl Rove almost as much as I love Halliburton.
• There's a reason I don't read so-called humor columns. Because many times straight-news stories carry more hilarity than a month's worth of Dave Barry essays. I bet Karl Rove was behind this, too, just as a warning to this girl's parents as to how they should vote in the upcoming election.
Upset by the war in Iraq, Julia Wilson vented her frustrations with President Bush last spring on her Web page on MySpace.com. She posted a picture of the president, scrawled "Kill Bush" across the top and drew a dagger stabbing his outstretched hand. She later replaced her page on the social-networking site after learning in her eighth-grade history class that such threats are a federal offense. It was too late.
Federal authorities had found the page and placed Wilson on their checklist. They finally reached her this week in her molecular biology class.
The 14-year-old freshman was taken out of class Wednesday and questioned for about 15 minutes by two Secret Service agents. The incident has upset her parents, who said the agents should have included them when they questioned their daughter.
On Friday, the teenager said the agents' questioning led her to tears.
My favorite part of the article; a quote from Ms. Wilson.
I wasn't dangerous. I mean, look at what's (stenciled) on my backpack _ it's a heart. I'm a very peace-loving person."
And what about the Secret Service people that grilled her?
"They yelled at me a lot," she said. "They were unnecessarily mean."
I'm not dangerous. I mean, look at what icon is in my entry _ it's a 
. I'm a very peace-loving person.
• Oh, yeah. My NFL picks for this week.
(1.5) Buffalo at Detroit
I say the Tigers reaching the World Series will fire up the Lions and lead them to victory -- or at least a one-point loss.
Carolina at Baltimore (3.5)
I heard Dan Morgan is out for the year. I like Dan.
(6.5) Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Cincy will take their aggressions out on the Bucs.
Houston at Dallas (13.5)
Dallas will take their aggressions out on the Texans, and T.O. will take his aggressions out on the Cowboys' receivers coach.
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta (3.5)
I'm hoping my support of the Va-giants will result in a loss for the boys in blue.
(3.5) Philadelphia at New Orleans
For some reason this game has "letdown after a big win" vibe to it, but I'll still go with the favored team.
(3.5) Seattle at St. Louis
The Seahawks have been at the top of the NFC West mountain for a while now; until they get de-throned, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Tennessee at Washington (10.5)
The Titans lost by one point last week when the other team was favored by double digits. I am hoping this is the start of Tennessee losing a bunch of close games.
Kansas City at Pittsburgh (6.5)
Man, if the Steelers lose this week, I'm going to avoid all local sports talk for the rest of the regular season.
Miami at N.Y. Jets (2.5)
I find it funny that a pre-season Super Bowl contender now has the Jets being favored over them.
(10.5) San Diego at San Francisco
Another bad team Philip Rivers can fine-tune his skills with.
Oakland at Denver (15.5)
For the last few years, every time I thought Oakland might make a divisional game close I have been burned.
(11.5) Chicago at Arizona
Uh-oh. I have the Bears for this game. Something tells me their winning streak is in jeopardy.
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