12/27: Giving Up On Family Gifts
In every family there is at least one sect that gives gifts that make you say “WTF?” And I don’t mean “WTF” in terms of fruitcake or some other equally lame gift. I know I’ve talked about Mrs. kkk’s side of the family on more than one occasion and discussed how some branches of her family tree are … unique. However, there is this couple that I legitimately can’t stand. I know I’ve mentioned them before, but for those who haven’t had the opportunity to learn about this happy family from Day 1, here’s a recap:
Mrs. kkk’s one cousin married some near-toothless Mexican who already has several kids from a previous marriage that he does shit with. Both were part-time janitors when they decided to have kids. There’s one problem: the Mexican is sterile, so they went to the clinic to knock the chick up via turkey baster. Please keep in mind that by now they have already claimed bankruptcy once and collect welfare, among other wonderful gimmies from the government. Because kid number one was such a joy, they decided to have another test-tube baby. Oh, and these welfare pros have purchased their own house and have a new car. All on a part-time janitor’s salary. Oh, and the wife works for the State as a “maid.” She gets paid to “clean up” half of her aunt’s house. What she actually does is sit down and watch TV all day. Why did I say “half of her aunt’s house”? Well because another relative is supposed to clean up the other half.
While I was over my old man’s house the day before Christmas, the better half went to her aunt’s house, where she ran into this happy family of four. What did they give Mrs. kkk for a Christmas gift? A picture of her car from when it was near-totaled a few years back from some bitch in a SUV plowing into her from behind. Oh, and we got the latest installment of this family’s “newsletter.” Every word/space/etc. has been faithfully restored, except for the text in bold. The names have been changed to protect the pathetic. Or am I just saying that and the names are indeed real? Either way, enjoy.
THE WHITE TRASH FAMILY CHRISTMAS NEWSLETTERI am trying something different this year since we are all busy I wanted to keep in touch so I came up with this newsletter of my family. We moved into our new house two weeks before Christmas of last year. Wow what a huge step but we really like it. Everyone has there own room and we also have two bathrooms so that is a plus. Gary is still employed at the County Courthouse. Sometime in the year of 2007 he will become full time. We can’t wait !! He is such a hard worker. We are proud of him. Tonya is employed at name of State-run agency which pays her for “cleaning” her aunt’s house and takes care of the kids. Our little Reba will be 3 years old on January 8. I remember when we brought her home from the hospital. Seems like yesterday. Aunt Milldred had this spaghetti dinner and we took the baby down to her house so everyone could see her and no one ate the dinner cause we were all to busy with the baby. Now Reba is into Caillou, Blues Clues, Dora and Diego. She learned to count in Spanish just by watching Dora! Little Terri man where do I start on her? She had a tough start on life but she fought. Being she was early the doctor’s told me that she would have to be flown to Pittsburgh. Well everyday of her life she is making a lyer out of them doctors. She is not completely out of the woods she is still struggling with her weight. They are still saying that she is to thin. She is into Barney, Teletubbies, Elmo and Big Bird. She loves to dance. Our cat Codi likes the move. She is more loving and she comes out and greets us when we come home from work everyday. We wish all that reads our newsletter a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and God Bless.
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