1/29: Putting Down ESPN
6:30 p.m.
• Ha. Another caller on today’s show talked about how she and her fiancee had to take some written test because they were going to get married in a Catholic church. Oy, I remember completing that retarded thing. The priest was “concerned” with the answers the better half and I had. The only things we agreed on were financial matters that showed we were experienced with bill-paying and other things, thus revealing that we were living in sin. Ohs nos. I didn’t give a shit if Fr. Whatever-his-name was knew about our co-habitation, but Mrs. kkk had never told him we lived in sin and didn’t want him knowing. Whatever. The other thing we agreed on dealt with not having kids, which the priest didn’t take kindly to. After all, if we don’t reproduce, who will he sodomize? Although I have to call bullshit on this hippie test because we had three answers to choose from: “yes,” “no” and “not applicable” (or something like that). Of course, I get told after we got the results back that a “NA” answer just counted as a “no.” Half of my answers were “NA” because the questions didn’t apply to our situation because they dealt with my side of the family, and I pretty much stay away from these people. God that test was f’n retarded.
• Barbaro is now up in that big pasture up in the sky. I’m not going to make “OMG NOW THE GLUE FACTORY HAS A NEW ORDER LOL” but goddamn, ESPN, give it a rest. Stay tuned for “highlights of this magnificent creature”? I’m not going to goof on people getting emotional about the death of an animal, but ESPN doesn’t even act like this most of the time when human athletes tragically leave this planet too early. Barbaro’s owners decided to euthanize the horse after a recent surgery setback, and the decision to do this couldn’t have been an easy one. When my one cat got sick back in September of 2004, the better half and I decided against euthanizing. Did we make the right choice? I don’t know, but we decided that Shadow, who we took in as a stray back in 2001, would go out when he wanted to. And that’s what pretty much happened. One of the lasting memories I have of him was, even with several clumps of fur shaved off from him due to IV and other medical procedures, he crept up behind our female cat one evening and swatted her on her backside, much to her chagrin. Would I do this again? I don’t know. If Dessa, JJ or Max make it to double digits in years, then we’ll probably opt for euthanasia, but when the pet is only four years old, which was the case with Shadow, and is showing the will to live, that’s when I may think otherwise.
1:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). A woman just said that she caught her husband in the middle of a “cyber-affair” with their next-door neighbor. Are we so lazy in this country that we can’t go one house over to cheat on our spouses?
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