10:45 p.m.

 

• The NFL announced this year's Hall of Fame class. Here are the finalists. The ones in bold were selected. Next to each one I'll give my insta-reaction as to how I would have voted for them. I will limit my selection to just five players.

 

Fred Dean: Who?

Richard Dent: Sure.

Russ Grimm: Tough one for me. My first thought was "not quite." Maybe if his coaching career continues to excel, then I'll say yeah.

Ray Guy: Yes. I know punters and field goal kickers are taboo in the HOF, but I'm a Ray Guy mark. Besides, he has an awesome name.

Gene Hickerson: Never heard of him.

Michael Irvin: I hated him as a player, but I like him as a commentator. I really enjoyed the banter he had with Rush during his brief ESPN stint. I may have said yes, but he wouldn't have been the first receiver I would have taken on this list.

Bob Kuechenberg: Shrug.

Bruce Matthews: Oh hell yes.

Art Monk: Yes. I don't care if he wasn't the flashiest or had the best stats. I feel bad he's not in the hall, and with other players that have bigger numbers on the way, I doubt Monk will ever get in.

Andre Reed: He'd be my second wide receiver choice, but do I have enough slots for him?

Charlie Sanders: Derp.

Paul Tagliabue: Was he a great commish? You bet. But Jesus Christ, he only retired in 2006!

Derrick Thomas: No. Great pass rusher, but I am only picking five.

Thurman Thomas: Great all-around back. I forgot he spent a year with the Dolphins.

Andre Tippett: No.

Roger Wehrli: Dunno. His bio thingy said he played cornerback from 1969-1982, so that says something.

Gary Zimmerman: I liked him as a player, but I have to say no this time around.

 

Who did I pick for my "Top 5"? Richard Dent, Ray Guy, Bruce Matthews, Art Monk and Thurman Thomas. Do I have any reasons for these picks? Yes. And they're selfish, stupid, biased and do not involve stats or any kind of in-depth research. Would you expect anything less?

 

5:15 p.m.

 

• Back in August I made some NFL predictions. Now let's go back and laugh. The italic lines are what I said six months ago.

 

AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION

New England Patriots

Miami Dolphins

New York Jets

Buffalo Bills

 

AFC EAST: REAL WORLD

New England Patriots

New York Jets

Buffalo Bills

Miami Dolphins

 

I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because.

 

AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION

Shittsburgh Steelers

Baltimore Ravens

Cincinnati Bengals

Cleveland Browns

 

AFC EAST: REAL WORLD

Baltimore Ravens

Cincinnati Bengals

Shittsburgh Steelers

Cleveland Browns

 

I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year.

 

AFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION

Indianapolis Colts

Jacksonville Jaguars

Houston Texans

Tennessee Titans

 

AFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD

Indianapolis Colts

Tennessee Titans

Jacksonville Jaguars

Houston Texans

 

Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them.

 

AFC WEST: MY PREDICTION

Denver Broncos

Kansas City Chiefs

San Diego Chargers

Oakland Raiders

 

AFC WEST: REAL WORLD

San Diego Chargers

Kansas City Chiefs

Denver Broncos

Oakland Raiders

 

San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback.

 

NFC EAST: MY PREDICTION

Washington Redskins

Dallas Cowboys

New York Giants

Philadelphia Eagles

 

NFC EAST: REAL WORLD

Philadelphia Eagles

Dallas Cowboys

New York Giants

Washington Redskins

 

Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will.

 

NFC NORTH: MY PREDICTION

Chicago Bears

Minnesota Vikings

Detroit Lions

Green Bay Packers

 

NFC NORTH: REAL WORLD

Chicago Bears

Green Bay Packers

Minnesota Vikings

Detroit Lions

 

I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12?

 

NFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION

Carolina Panthers

Tampa Bay Buccanneeers

Atlanta Falcons

New Orleans Saints

 

NFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD

New Orleans Saints

Carolina Panthers

Atlanta Falcons

Tampa Bay Buccanneeers

 

New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose.

 

NFC WEST: MY PREDICTION

Seattle Seahawks

St. Louis Rams

Arizona Cardinals

San Francisco 49ers

 

NFC WEST: REAL WORLD

Seattle Seahawks

St. Louis Rams

San Francisco 49ers

Arizona Cardinals

 

The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.

 

FINAL TALLY:

 

If I got one point for every placement prediction I got right, my score would be 10 out of 32 for a .312 winning percentage, which is still as good or a better record than the Browns, Raiders, Redskins, Lions, Bucs and Cards.

 

3:15 p.m.

 

• Here is why you shouldn’t stay at the same job for too long, especially if you are working in an entry-level go-nowhere situation. I just heard that the theater I used to work at closed down a few weeks ago. Had I kept my customer-service job there (and why in the hell would I?), I’d be jobless. However, this bit of news is only one additional job I used to work that has since bit the dust. After working there I graduated from college and went to Sappy Valley, where I worked as a part-time copyeditor and cashier. Both of these positions have since been eliminated. In addition, the place I worked at in Ohio, from what I’ve been hearing, is really close to being shut down. And now the place where I work? Oh, man. I don't even know where to begin. There was also another store that I worked at from 1994-1996 that has long ceased operations. I will not count another store I worked at for a few weeks in December of 1998 because they were going out of business before I was even hired; I was on board for a few weeks because a number of workers quit after it was announced they would soon be jobless. Now one could deduct from this that I’m a cancer any place I work, but I like to think of this more like how a business can’t recover from my departure and all the productivity I brought. Yeah, that’s it.