8 p.m.

• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Santorum wasn't brought on as a CNN or MSNBC or cBS analyst.

The Pennsylvania Republican, who signed a contract Thursday as a Fox News contributor...

Oh dear God no.

Santorum lost his Senate seat last fall in a landslide to Democrat Bob Casey an empty suit, but remains a prominent voice in the conservative movement – a voting bloc in search of a presidential candidate.

Rick, you're my n*gga and all that, but please don't be the token Jesus freak candidate in the '08 GOP primary. I know you're all about the lord and stuff, but just talk on television a lot and get paid well for your services.

7 p.m.

• I don’t know why this story prompted me to think back to an incident dating back to my high school days. I think it has to do with the one person hiding in a garbage can.

So much for stealth. Authorities said a trio trying to open a locked door alerted a sleeping homeowner when one of them rang the doorbell. Homeowner Samuel Sanchez, 35, confronted the burglars about 11:30 a.m. Monday, one of whom was still trying to open the door with a pocket knife, Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies said. The men ran, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

 

Deputies arrived moments later and arrested three teen suspects, including one found hiding in a trash bin. They were all charged with attempted burglary.

It was a Friday night and I had six friends over: Don, Jeff, Bryce, Greg, Matt and Kurt. Nothing exciting was going on; we were just playing Joe Montana Football on the Genesis when suddenly a few of us got in the mood to play football outside. Myself, Don, Jeff, Bryce and Greg went out. Did I mention that it was 2 a.m.? We didn’t think this was a big deal. We were wrong.

As we were playing some two-on-two with Greg being the quarterback for both teams, about 10 minutes went by when we suddenly saw these bright lights coming right at us, most likely from an officer of the law. We did the most sensible thing we could at that moment – run back into the house. The five of us headed to the backdoor and thought if we just kept quiet the police car would just go on its merry way. Bryce, Don and Greg went upstairs while Jeff and I stayed in the basement/game room. Someone from upstairs then said, “kkk, there’s a police car parked in front of your house.” That was about the time when I noticed someone shining a flashlight through the back door. The cop then opens the door and walks in. Jeff suddenly puts his hands in the air and the officer is telling all of us to go upstairs. It was at that time when I got upstairs that I noticed Bryce trying to act like he was asleep the whole time. He still had his shoes and jean jacket on with a FOOTBALL tucked under his arm. He was also shaking from the cold (this was around October/November), and as we all gathered in the living room, he muttered to Don, “I’m asleep.” In a memory that will stay with me even when Alzheimer’s takes every other image, Don smacks him on the head and says, “Get the fuck up asshole.” Matt and Kurt, who didn’t go out with us, were just waking up from their slumber and had no idea what the hell was going on. Their reactions were amusing, to say the least.

As the officer began asking us what we were doing, it was actually refreshing to honestly answer “no” to the question, “Were you drinking?” When asked why we ran, I think the collective answer was something like, “Because we’re idiots.” The officer believed us and brought in another cop who was waiting for us on a nearby street in case we had taken off in that direction. As they left, the said something like, “Next time you want to play football at 2 in the morning, give us a call and we’ll show you how the game is played.” We spent the next hour or two laughing about this and considering some of the other dumbshit I used to do, this was a funny story. Because I was a latch-key kid, my mom really didn’t care what I did. However, her one rule was, “I better not have the cops show up.” So you can imagine my horror whenever those law enforcement walkie-talkers were blaring in living room while the matriarch of the house slept in her upstairs bedroom.

3 p.m.

• So Fast Eddie said on SORTA RIGHT-WING RADIO today that even though he wants to raise the state sales tax, he's not really raising taxes, since he will "offset" this with property tax reductions. The same reductions he's been talking about since getting elected to a first term. And you people voted him in ... TWICE! Oh well, I guess this is how liberals feel about W. Then again, he was only voted in ... ONCE!! Thank you, Karl Rove and near-blind Jew voters.