7/28: Up Wolf Creek When Doing Looney Presentations
6 p.m.
• So I was playing around on IMDB and found this post in a thread titled "Things you learnt from watching this movie?" for the "Wolf Creek" message board. Well, it made me laugh. Oh, yeah. Spoilers and stuff.
1. you can skinny dip in the ocean, get out and put your shirt on and your hair will be dry.2. to throw a killer off your trail, you should push your escape vehicle over the edge off a cliff, then climb down after it.
3. when you manage to get the upper hand on your torturer, you should not shoot him, you should attempt to boss him around. "get away from her" seems to work well.
4. when you finally get around to shooting him, if he falls, hes probably dead and you should leave him alone.
5. any free time you have not being tortured should be spent reading the newspaper clippings that your captor has hung up and not getting weapons/escape vehicles.
6. regardless of how many vehicles are around, it doesn't matter which one you choose, he'll be waiting in the backseat that you should fail to check, you know, because you've felt pretty safe up until this point anyhow.
7. if you accidentally drop your gun down a hole with alot of rotting bodies that you couldnt smell before you climbed down, you should not go and get a new one from the endless supply he keeps. instead, get a pocket knife.
8. when your rescuer gets shot while unlocking his trunk and you attempt to take his vehicle to escape, you should immediately panic and start sobbing if the keys arent in the ignition. after all, they could be anywhere.
9. when the guy that SHOT your rescuer is nudged off the road by you during car chase with no apparent damage, you should drive in a straight line while giggling. what could he do? you've won!
10 a.m.
• Finally got around to seeing Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” That’s why you get for messing around with them white girls.
• Here is the conclusion to my 3 p.m. entry yesterday about that poem I wrote which got me in a heap of trouble in 11th grade. The class had to write a “senses” poem in a “question and answer” format. Basically, you had to write a line in the form of a question that dealt with one of the five senses – taste, touch, smell, sight and hearing. After each line you had to have a “yes” or “no” answer. After 10 lines of this shit you had to do a line in the form of a question and then the other in the form of an answer. Sounds stupid? You bet. I also found it funny that in a class called “creative writing” you had these draconian rules to follow whenever you wrote something, but I digress. Anyway, my hippie poem was about a couple walking on the beach, and I had stupid lines like,
“Will you look deep into my eyes while the moon reflects off the crashing waves?”
“Yes.”
…or some hippie shit like that. When I got to my last “sense” it dealt with the chick asking the guy if he’d hold her hand or something similar. Here’s how my last four lines went that got me in trouble. Remember, after this question and answer, I need to follow that up with another Q&A line.
“Will you hold my hand *blahblahblahhippieshit*.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have no arms.”
There you have it. When my classmate, who was as big a slacker as I was, asked to read my poem (I wasn’t allowed to read this in class), the teacher stormed over to him, grabbed the sheet of paper, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. Where’s the ACLU when you really need them?
I also had this woman for a public speaking class the year before, and that was some fun right there. There was one project where I was in a group of five and the assignment was this 20-minute panel debate over a topic of our choice. You needed two people on one side of the argument, two people on the other side and a moderator. Our group, which was made up of slackers just like me, picked “censorship.” My role was to be moderator. We had several class periods to work on this project, and all we did was sit there and bullshit. After a few days, we realized that we had nothing done so we worked on an “intro.” By “intro” I’m not talking about opening remarks. No. We were going to pretend this was a late-night talk show and we were thinking up ways to introduce the program. We were the last group to do our presentation, and the four-five groups before were made up of actual students who cared about their academic achievement. After the first day when the first two groups did their presentations, we suddenly realized we were in a world of shit. The day before our presentation, I frantically tried to make an outline of who was going to say what about our topic, which was about Free Speech Rights. On the morning of the big debate, we got ready for our intro, which we spent all of our class time preparing. And just what did we do?
*Person 1 turns off the lights to the room*
“Person 2 plays tape recorder with a voice saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Late Night with KKK.’ Suddenly the Looney Tunes theme comes on.”
*Persons 3 and 4 are across the room from each other and swirling flashlights around while theme plays.*
*Person 4 (me) moves up to the front. When the theme stops playing, Person 1 turns the lights back on and Person 2 plays the tape of crickets chirping.*
Judging from the look on our teacher’s face, this didn’t go over as well as we had hoped.
As bad as this was, our actual presentation was even worse. Instead of following the script of Person 1 on the pro-free speech side giving their spiel with Person 1 on the anti-free speech side retorting, it just a free-for-all. And with me as the moderator, I had no clue what the hell everybody was going to say next. Ironically, I had put the most work into this thing (which isn’t saying much mind you) and I got the worst grade out of the five of us. But that was nothing when compared to the next project. The same five of us had to do a “interrogation-type” project where each of us had to be a “prosecutor” and a “defendant” regarding another topic. This project’s topic was obscenity laws. The only thing I remember about this was one person grilling the other and the following ensued.
“Person A, you claim some cartoons today are ‘obscene.’”
“Yes.”
“What about the cartoons of generations before? Were they as bad?”
“No.”
“How about Walt Disney? Were they ‘obscene.’”
“No.”
“How about Donald Duck?”
“No.”
“Even though he has no pants?”
Yes, that was the HIGHLIGHT. After we were done, our teacher blasted us for at least 5 minutes about how we didn’t follow any of the rules of the assignment among other things. I don’t remember much of what she said because I was too busy trying to hold in my laughter. But this incidents weren’t as memorable as the public speaking class I told while I was in college. Developing...
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