9 p.m.

• SPOILERZ AHEAD~! Trust me, you're better off knowing them in this case.

So I got done watching “Ultraviolet.” Here’s the best way I can describe it. About two-thirds of the way through, Mrs. kkk comes home from some Catholic thing they do today and the following conversation takes place.

“What are you watching?”

“Ultraviolet.”

“What’s it about?”

“Honestly. I have no idea.”

So this blood made people vampires and some guy who’s in charge wants them all dead so he makes this kid with stuff in him that can kill them, but it’s actually for humans so Mole’s Girlfriend kills a bunch of people because she’s feeling maternal or something. I don’t know. I really don’t have much of an opinion of this chick. Nothing against her. She seems nice enough. And I like her cheekbones. The facial ones. For some reason when I watch those “Resident Evil” movies I think to myself, “Why am I watching this?” But I do. I really liked the black guy in the first one who got diced. That was kinda Jewish – at least give a brother a chance to get away.

Well it looks like I'm not the only one to give this thing lackluster reviews. Oh, yeah. I forgot about those "Vampire Tears of Resurrection."

6:30 p.m.

• Oh Barry, I was going to defend you on this…

Beyond his alleged steroid use, Barry Bonds is guilty of the use of something that confers extraordinarily unfair mechanical advantage: the “armor” that he wears on his right elbow...

…but then I heard about this.

The new home run king is now considering legal action against anyone who's implied he used steroids to set his records.

 

His lawyers said Schilling is at the top of that list.

How about instead of going after Schilling you take on those people that, oh, I don’t know, wrote a book about your shenanigans? Well, I said I was going to comment on your "body armor," and I am a man of my word. I don't see the big deal about the "body armor," when the biggest target on him is his head.

• And while I’m on this subject, n*gga plz.

Kia Vaughn, star center for the Rutgers Women's Basketball team, has filed a lawsuit against Imus for libel, slander and defamation -- the first civil suit to be filed against the former radio host. Vaughn is asking for monetary damages of an unspecified amount.

Honey, what Imus did to you ain’t defamation. If anything, you ought to be thanking him because now you have some recognition. Then again, you can’t blame a sister for trying to get paid – perhaps this will result in an out-of-court settlement or something. Then again, the "libel, slander and defamation" part of the article got me thinking to my favorite line of the "Spiderman" movie series.

"Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander."

"It is not. I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel."

Sorry, a little journalism humor.