8/27: Find The Most Fatties On The Map
9:45 p.m.
• Well, today was “mow the lawn” day. It stopped being humid and I decided to take advantage of the situation. This was also the first time all year I bothered to crank up the ol’ BBQ. Holy fuck do my grills need cleaning. I know all that gunk makes the food more flavorful, but these things resemble stalactites more than ashy flavor-enhancers. Wait a minute: Is stalactites the ones that hang from the top of something, or is that stalagmites? Whatever, you get the idea.
• Hey, another story about how the South has the most fat people.
Hold the grits and gravy, y'all! Ten of America's 15 fattest state populations are in Dixie — including Georgia, which ranks 14th in the adult rate of obesity and 12th for youths ages 10 through 17, a health report to be released Tuesday found.
But this is what made me laugh.
This fourth annual "F as in Fat: How Obesity Policies Are Failing in America" report found that adult obesity rates rose in 31 states over the past year, and such rates now exceed a quarter of the population in 19 states.
What the fuck – Obesity policies? How exactly is there a “policy” for obesity? And all this time I thought it was people’s choices that made them fat. You know, the bad food, the laziness, the bad food. Can’t wait to see how Big Brother will try to make us all a little smaller. What they ought to do is treat fatties more like smokers and jack up premiums for those that break a sweat waddling to the nearby refrigerator for a between-commercials snack. Don’t like it? Then get on a treadmill.
2 p.m.
• Oh dear God. (Here's the
Q: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
A: I personally believe... that U.S. Americans are unable to do so... because...
Uh... some people out there in our nation don't have maps...
And... uh... I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and... uh... the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as...
And I believe that they should...
Our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S... uh...
Or, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries...
So we will be able to build up our future... for our [children].
Sad thing if she went straight from high school into the workforce she'd make more as some exec's eye candy than I do at my job. Actually, she's probably a very smart girl. I think there's a good chance she got spooked for being in front of a national television audience and I think we're all being a bit mean to her. Why am I defending her? I heard she was 18 and figured I might have a chance to get this ditz on her knees, or better yet on all fours, and not get arrested. Because I'm sensitive like that.
• Sure I could talk about the Vick case, but why bother when you have this?
The scene is McNair High School in DeKalb County, Georgia. That's near Atlanta, for those of you from out of town. It's time for the customary moment of silence for all of the students and staff. During the moment of silence here comes McNair principal striding up to the microphone. He then asks the students at McNair to .... (can't make this stuff up, folks) ... pray for Michael Vick.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick called in to complain about her lesser half’s small business, which doesn’t make any profit. The “nursery” brings in just enough money to keep the business running – that’s it. When asked what this man did before to support himself, the caller’s response was “he lives with his mother.” And that’s where this couple is living at this moment.
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