kkk’s Top 103 Posters

Number 12: Bigolsmitty

With his freedom-hating views he should be called Bigolshitty, but yet he managed to crack the Top 12. How was Smitty able to accomplish such a feat? Take a lesson, commies. If you’re going to hate the country that gives you the freedom to whine about $3/gallon gas and then vote for politicians that want to tax this same resource $4/gallon, please do it right. (If you’re not from America, then I don’t give a rat's ass what you think of my country. No matter how many protest marches you engage in, you bitches will be the first ones at my doorstep pleading for help once Abdul and his 30 junior jihadists start blowing themselves up in your market square.) What separates Smitty from most of the Marxists here is that he’s actually funny with his shtick. And by funny I don’t mean C-Bacon funny. He also has a sense of humor. Then again, he thinks Napoleon Dynamite was good. Where do I go with this one? Oh hell, I already typed it up; I'll just leave the last few lines as-is. Smitty is also one of my favorites for good arguing in favor of the ideology that wants unregulated freedom in bedrooms and abortion clinics but total government control everywhere else. I just pray he isn’t glazedham over at the other place, because if that's the case I may have edit this entry.

7 p.m.

• Alrighty. It’s now time for the first week of NFL pickkks. Long story short. I take the matchups from week 1, use the point spreads in my TSM contest, make spur-of-the-moment decisions on each game and pretend the really awful selections I made never happened.

New Orleans @ Indianapolis (5.5)

Indy lost a lot of people. I don’t think New Orleans will be as good as they were last year. Could be a close game, but I think the Colts will cover the spread at home.

Atlanta @ Minnesota (3.5)

If memory serves, Minnesota had a good run defense last year. That’s all I need.

Carolina @ St. Louis (0.5)

The Panthers pissed me off last year by having a crap-tastic season. Fuck them.

(3.5) Denver @ Buffalo

All I know about the Bills is that they lost some cornerback that got lots of money from the 49ers.

Kansas City @ Houston (2.5)

Oh I’m tempted to take the Texans in this one, but I just can’t fathom Houston a favorite in anything.

Miami @ Washington (3.5)

I have no idea who the Redskins have on their team. Why am I picking them?

(6.5) New England @ N.Y. Jets

The Pats will probably win, but I have to take that spread. Then again, I heard a bunch of starters aren’t going to play for New England.

(3.5) Philadelphia @ Green Bay

When will Favre retire?

(4.5) Pittsburgh @ Cleveland

Tricky. Knoll and Cowher both won their first games as Steeler coaches. Cleveland may indeed lose, but crazy stuff can happen when Pittsburgh goes to this place. Steelers will score 27.

Tennessee @ Jacksonville (6.5)

I don’t think the Titans will win, and I don’t think they will be as good as their late-season hot streak showed last year. It’s a spread thing.

Chicago @ San Diego (6.5)

Years ago when the Bears played the Vikings on opening day, I heard a commentator say that in Week 1 a good offense will often best a good defense because there’s still a “surprise” element many teams use for a trick play or two. And the Chargers have a pretty good defense, too.

Detroit @ Oakland (1.5)

My first thought for this game was that South Park “giant douche/turn sandwich” episode.

Tampa Bay @ Seattle (6.5)

I think this spread will bite me in the ass, and I think the Seahawks have numbered days atop the NFC West, but it’s only Week 1.

N.Y. Giants @ Dallas (5.5)

Uh. I have nothing. Boo Emily.

Baltimore @ Cincinnati (3.5)

Remember that “good offense” comment I made above? That’s why I’m going with the Bengals at home. I’m hoping the Ravens can’t run the ball with shit.

Arizona @ San Francisco (3.5)

Remember that “good offense” comment I made above? Remember that Bills cornerback to San Fran comment I made above? Well, the Cards have two other good receivers that the 49ers have to cover.

4:30 p.m.

• Oh boy, more work stories! So someone from upstairs calls me because some guy’s on the phone and my co-worker thought that maybe I could help out. Sure. The caller wasn’t related to my department, but then again, it could have been. I took it. Long story short. It actually dealt with something I did, but I’m not responsible for the actual project. I just take what’s given to me and do my thing. Long story short: a month ago the idiot boss said to this caller that he’d get back to him regarding a certain issue. He never did. This caller phoned in again a week ago. Same story by the idiot boss, “I’ll get back to you.” Bwahahahahaaha. So I say, “I regret the unprofessional treatment you have received. If that had been me I would have acted on your request right away.” I’m sure word will get back to the idiot one way or another. Good. Then again, the idiot might stay away because the truth is involved in this one. He doesn’t like that sort of thing. It's great when my response to a scolding is, "Sorry for telling the truth. I won't do it again."

You may notice I said “regret” and not “apologize.” I hate it when people say the “a” word over something they have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER. Fuck that. I’m going to apologize when I fuck up – not when I have to clean up someone else’s mess. Here’s something that’s fun to do. When somebody does the “OMG I apologize” for something that they can’t do anything about, respond by saying, “Well you better not do it again.” Yeah, bitch. You bring my food out to my table. I’m sure you have authority as to when the cook actually bothers to put my grub in the skillet and fry the dead cow up.