9 p.m.

• So sad. I was putting a portfolio together when I decided to fuck around instead. Damn you Internet. Oh, for as much bitching about stupid commericals, I have to admit I like this one. And it deals with

6 p.m.

• What punitive damages? You were a shitbag before this story which did you in.

Dan Rather filed a $70 million lawsuit Wednesday against CBS, alleging that the network made him a "scapegoat" for a discredited story about President Bush's National Guard service...

 

...Rather, the former anchorman of the "CBS Evening News," is seeking $20 million in compensatory damages and $50 million in punitive damages.

• My vote would be to asterisk the ball.

Barry Bonds said the man who bought his 756th home run ball and announced plans to let the public decide its fate is an "idiot."

 

Fashion designer Marc Ecko had the winning bid Saturday in the online auction for the ball that Bonds hit last month to break Hank Aaron's record of 755 home runs. The final selling price was $752,467, well above most predictions.

 

Ecko, 35, has set up a Web site that lets visitors vote on three options for the ball: give it to the National Baseball Hall of Fame, brand it with an asterisk before sending it to Cooperstown or blast it into space on a rocket ship.

Blasting it off into space just seems too… eh. I wouldn’t be convinced that it actually happened. The ball would probably just be hidden in some backlot, only to appear when I’m in a nursing home and making me even more skeptical of this world.

• Damn, now EVERYONE is getting tasered (well, actually this happened last year, but whatever).

A Clay County woman's family said it is seeking justice after their loved one died shortly after being shocked 10 times with Taser guns during a confrontation with police.

 

The family of 56-year-old Emily Delafield said it would take the Green Cove Springs Police Department to court.

 

In April 2006, officers with the police department said they were called to a disturbance at a home in the 400 block of Harrison Street just before 5 p.m...

 

...Officers said they arrived to find Delafield in a wheelchair, armed with two knives and a hammer. Police said the woman was swinging the weapons at family members and police.

 

Within an hour of her call to 911, Delafield, a wheelchair-bound woman documented to have mental illness, was dead.

Hey, just because someone is in a wheelchair that doesn’t mean they should get any special privileges. Remember, “disabled” doesn’t mean “unable.” Besides, those wheelchairs can hurt. I should know. During my theater days some frequent customer who everybody hated got pissed at me one day and drove this motorized beast into my shin. I didn’t really care, and actually thought it was funny, but it gave me an excuse to act “faux pissed” at him, thus giving me an out in never having to deal with him. I mean, I could only fuck with his mind because it appeared that God already beat me to the physical part.

Oh, yeah. Back to the story at hand. Fuck this family. Next time some psycho family member is on a relative's private property with weapons, the cops should just stay away and let them sort it out with hugs.

• The only thing weird ever to come out of my bunghole was string during my adolescent days (still trying to figure that one out – yeah I ate some string but not that much, and not that color). Now the things that have gone into my browneye – that’s another story.

Seven-year-old Finley Collins thought her pet 12-inch bearded dragon might be giving birth when she noticed an unusual protrusion near the lizard's tail.

 

But Finley's father, Jeff Collins, feared it might be something more ominous and rushed Mushu to an animal hospital, where a veterinarian pulled out a 7-inch toy rubber lizard.

 

"I've never extracted a lizard from another lizard before," said veterinarian John Rossi.

 

Rossi had sedated Mushu and pulled on the protrusion.

 

"The next thing I knew, I was seeing legs and a body and a head. It was very strange to be tugging on this thing," he said.

 

By the time the rubbery lizard's legs began to appear, Rossi realized what it was.

 

"We were all laughing," he said. "It passed completely through the entire (gastrointestinal) tract," Rossi said.

 

Rossi said bearded dragons, a variety of Australian lizards, often swallow such things as small suction cups, screws and dimes.