kkk's Top 103 Posters

Number 8: Ripper

Wha-? Rippers #8? That’s right n*ggaros and n*ggahoes. Actually, he was first pegged in the teens, but thanks to a few bonus points for diversity concerns he moved up, knocking a few crackers down in the process (figuratively and literally). Ripper and I didn't exactly get off to the best of starts, but over time he realized that I was nothing more than some dopey white guy that, like him, didn’t care too much for stick figures. Now even though there are still a number of important issues we don’t agree on, I can deal with most of them. (If he wants to be daddy to some kid that’s not his then who am I to stop him?) Besides, there are so many other things we can find common ground on – like saving kitties and keeping bathroom habits out of the bedroom. However, for the last time, black people don't tip. That's a fact. And pork chops dipped into applesauce is hella good.

9 p.m.

• Christ. I heard on the radio tonight that cub scout badges are now being recalled due to lead from ... China. Forget about forming a better army, all these people have to do is fuck with our consumer goods.

5 p.m.

• Normally I don’t remember my dreams, but last night’s was a doozy. Well, not really – but I remembered it. I was in this classroom with a few other people I had never seen before. Then Michael Savage comes in and says we have to read our homework assignments to the class. Seeing how I wasn’t around when the homework assignments were given out, I was a little perturbed. After all, I don’t want him to get mad and tell me to die of the AIDS. A few people were to go before me, and from what I heard it seemed that this assignment was to take a person we liked and a person we didn’t like and explain our feelings toward both. When it was my turn I took a blank sheet of paper and pretended like I was reading from that. I began ad-libbing, hoping to make this shit up as I went along. Because I didn’t have time to pick a person I liked and a person I didn’t like, I went with a SWERVE~! And said I was going to take one person and explain what I liked and didn’t like about this subject. My person: Bud Selig.

I started with “Good Bud.” I liked the wild card, which made the baseball playoffs more exciting. Also, it allowed more cities to catch the pennant fever in September and gave teams with good seasons the chance to play onward through October. Savage chuckled. I added that attendance has gone up and revenues have been solid, especially considering the state of America’s National Pastime back in the mid-1990s. Then I talked about “Bad Bud,” which got yet another chuckle out of Savage. I didn’t like inter-league play and the Commissioner’s office treating Barry Bonds like he was the only player who roided up during the past decade. The fact Bud turned a blind eye to when home runs were shooting out of ballparks in the late 1990s only made him look worse when he acted like the end-all solution to baseball’s steroid problem was with Bonds.

It was about this time that my alarm clock went off, and instead of hitting the snooze button 20 times like I normally do I decided to get the hell out of this unconscious state. Sadly, I’ll never know what my grade ended up being. He seemed interested in the topic, although I think he also knew I was making this shit up as I went along. When compared to the other students that read their reports, I deserved the top grade – at least a B+ if I was to be penalized for, you know, not actually doing the assignment.

• In other news, I think I caught a chick checking me out today at a red light. Her windows must have been tinted from the inside.

1 p.m.

• Yeah, because no gal EVER wants her dad to give her away at her wedding.

A priest in Stockholm has come under fire for not allowing a bride to be walked down the aisle by her father. But church authorities have defended the decision, saying that the tradition is foreign and sexist.

 

The row started when a bride due to marry on Saturday in a church in the Stockholm archipelago asked to be given away by her father. The priest conducting the ceremony refused the bride's request.

Christ, when I started dating the future Mrs. kkk 10+ years ago I saw this book with a list of her future flower girls, ring bearers and all that other shit that people do at weddings.