Review: Shorties Section from the update of 11/14.
Shorties section, and the lineup looks different, to say the least. But FIRST, that Piper vs. Hogan match needs to be reviewed. So, here.
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From The War to Settle the Score on February 18th from Madison Square Garden, which aired on MTV, it's Roddy Piper w/Bob Orton against Hulk Hogan w/Cyndi Lauper & Captain Lou Albano, for Hogan's WWF Title. Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund are on commentary.
Blow-by-blow: Bagpipes play as Piper makes his way to the ring, and BOB COSTAS (you wouldn't see this now) introduces both Piper and Hogan. Piper breaks a guitar before the match, to let everyone know what he thinks of rock and roll music. Piper then does the Snuka "I love you" thing, obviously making fun of the Superfly. Hogan's well known "Real American" music is dubbed in. I'm sure of it. Hogan shakes Mr. T's hand before the bout, and we'll see why in a little bit. Piper tears his shirt off and throws it into the crowd, and once someone grabs the shirt, a couple people fight over it. Real mature. Both wrestlers brawl at the beginning of the match, and Hogan gives Piper a back elbow after getting the better of the fight. Hogan slams Piper twice, and then elbowdrops him. Hogan bites Piper, as I notice that Hogan has a lot more hair than I'm used to seeing him have. Piper clotheslines Hogan, and gets a 2 count. Piper double thrusts Hogan in the throat, and applies the sleeper. Hogan breaks the hold, after powering out and lowering his head while running into the buckle, putting Piper's head into the buckle. Orton gets up on the ring apron and chokes Hogan as the referee is distracted, but Hogan rams Orton's broken arm into the ringpost. Paul Orndorff makes his way to ringside, as Hogan gives Piper an atomic drop. Ref bump time as Piper pushes Hogan, so Orndorff comes in and stomps on Hogan, after which he gives Hogan a kneedrop from the top rope. Lauper gets up on the apron, so Orndorff and Piper stalk her, apparently acting like they're going to beat her up. Mr. T helps Lauper down, and gets in the ring. Crowd went nuts for that. Piper and Orndorff attack Mr. T, until Hogan finally gets up, and Hogan pulls the heels off T. And now, we see T and Hogan staredown Piper and Orndorff, giving away what the WrestleMania main event will be. The police come in the ring before the 4 can throwdown, at around 7:12. Hogan wants Piper and Orndorff now, but they don't oblige, walking to the back instead. Hogan wins the bout by DQ, but who cares about that. It's all about Mr. T getting involved, now. T, Hogan and Lauper celebrate, and that's it.
Match Analysis: *1/4, but how the match was wasn't really the point. It was just a vehicle to get Mr. T and Hogan vs. Piper and Orndorff set up. Anyway, I hadn't seen this before, and it was a fun watch.
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From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.
This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago. The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 8/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching.
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I've already said I'm a big WCW 1992-93 fan. Well, I am awaiting the next two matches. This match is from Superbrawl II in Milwaukee, it's CACTUS JACK vs. Ron Simmons. Huge Foley fan here, I don't care if people don't like him being on WWE programming now or in other recent times. I also don't know why people get all mad about things like that, but anyway. Jesse Ventura's commentary is intact.
Blow-by-blow: Simmons is supposed to be a babyface, well, he gets booed. They really love Cactus Jack, just hate Simmons, or weren't inclined to cheer for a black guy. Just sayin'. Cactus starts the match with an eye rake, but Simmons misses a charge into the corner. Cactus attempts to do the Cactus Clothesline, but does the spot where he hangs himself by his neck in the ropes. Impressive visual. Jesse whines about Simmons not helping Cactus out of his predicament, even though Simmons was doing exactly what Jesse wanted. Cactus tries to run into the crowd, and Simmons catches up to him and rams him into the guardrail. Simmons smashes Cactus' face into the canvas, and slams him on the inside. A Simmons legdrop gets 2, Cactus gives him an elbow afterward, and a clothesline. We see that the Junkyard Dog is in the crowd, as Cactus gives Simmons a double arm DDT. A Cactus legdrop gets 2, and he dumps Simmons. He slams Simmons on the outside, and goes up to the 2nd rope. YES! CACTUS ELBOW, no wonder this guy's body was so screwed up. Cactus chokes Simmons along the top rope, then Simmons misses a dropkick. Cactus goes to the chinlock, but gets belly-to-belly'd as Simmons begins his comeback. Simmons tries to dive onto Cactus, but flies onto the entrance ramp that WCW always had attached to the ring in those days. Cactus comes out after Simmons, but gets spinebustered by Simmons, on the ramp. Yeesh. Back in the ring, Cactus gives Simmons a bulldog, and goes up to the 2nd rope. Simmons catches him coming off the turnbuckle and powerslams him for the win, at 6:30.
After the match, ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER comes down the ramp, and into the ring. Things like this ARE why I liked WCW during that time period. It was ridiculous. Abby acts like he's going to hit Cactus with his staff, but instead, he hits Simmons with it. See, Simmons and Abby had teamed up a few times, after Cactus and Abby had a dispute about Abby being "electrocuted" at Halloween Havoc 1991. But now, Abby shows his true colors. Junkyard Dog decides to make his way to the ring, beating up security on the way. He saves Simmons from the beating, and gives Abby and Cactus a piece of their own medicine. JR says, "this is like fightin' in the hood." I really laughed at that one, but this time, didn't feel guilty about it.
Match Analysis: The angle after the match was awesome, so although the match wasn't spectacular, I'm glad WWE 24/7 stuck around to show us the angle. The match was **, and most of that is for Cactus' wild bumps. WCW was so over the top then that it was a joy to watch, and moreover, their tag team division was probably the best (workrate wise) there's ever been.
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From Clash of the Champions XIX, as part of the Quarterfinals for the NWA Tag Team Championship, it's Terry Gordy and Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Rick and Scott Steiner. The tournament finished up at Great American Bash '92, for those who are interested. By that I mean, the tournament took up the entire PPV, outside of a Sting/Vader match Awful, awful idea. The tournament had "representatives" from different countries. You know, to reinforce the concept of the NWA being a world organization, and all.
Blow-by-blow: Gordy and Rick start, and they trade amateur wrestling moves for about 6 or 7 minutes. If you don't like amateur wrestling, you won't like the match. Gordy tries a half crab during that sequence, and Rick gets to the ropes. Scott comes in and tries a belly-to-belly, but can't get it, as Gordy backdrops him instead. Scott tries to bridge out of the pinning attempt, but Gordy's so damn big that he just can't do it. Scott gives Gordy a t-bone suplex instead, and now, Dr. Death tags in. Williams takes Scott down, but they wind up in the ropes. Rick tags in and gives Williams a belly-to-belly, then takes him down. Williams slaps Rick across the face once he comes in, and gives him a huge lariat, which Rick sells with a backflip. Yeah, Rick Steiner just backflipped off a clothesline. I was surprised. Gordy comes in, and clotheslines Rick again for a 2 count. Rick gives Gordy a belly-to-belly on a counter move, then Scott tags in. Scott gives Gordy a backdrop and STEINERLINE, then does that front underhook suplex of his. It's not a powerbomb, he just drops the guy to the side. So, suplex. Scott misses a dropkick, so Gordy applies an STF. Terry lets go of the hold and tags in Williams, who sticks out his knee for Gordy to drop Scott Steiner on. Williams gives him a backbreaker for two, and takes out the leg of Scott. The left knee is the body part which is in pain in this match. Gordy tags in and gets a powerslam, before applying a leg grapevine. He breaks the hold and tags Williams in, who along with Gordy, gets in a 3 point stance and delivers a shoulderblock to Scott. Scott dropkicks Williams as his leg was being held, and tags in Rick. The referee doesn't see it, though. Rick lines Williams out, then brawls with Gordy. Afterward, he powerslams Williams, but the referee never saw the tag. Outside the ring, Scott Steiner gets chopblocked on his bad knee, and Rick's still brawling with Gordy. Williams gives Scott a press slam which turns into a powerslam for 2, and then Scott gets his leg taken out by Gordy as the referees back is turned, leading to the pinfall for Gordy and Williams at 15:13.
Match Analysis: Hate, hate, hate that finish. Always hated it. It came out of nowhere, just when the match was starting to get good. Hopefully the Beach Blast '92 match is better, and hopefully we get to see it soon. **3/4. IMO, that's pretty much the definition of a match that gets a 3/4. Something about the match has to be off (in this case, the finish) OR it has to be lacking that extra something to give it a boost. I think I've explained myself.
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From Great American Bash 1997, it's Kevin Greene vs. Mongo McMichael w/Debra.
Blow-by-blow: JR said the match was bowling shoe ugly, well, we'll see. Greene sprints into the ring, and gives Mongo a forearm and clothesline. Mongo bails, and trips Greene, then smashes Greene's knee into the ring apron. He rubs Greene's face into the mat, and taunts Greene's mother, who's in the crowd. Mongo brings Greene over to his mother, who hits Mongo with her purse. I laughed. The crowd chants "MONGO," cause they're in Illinois and all. Mongo's a former Chicago Bear, see. Mongo kicks Greene in the ribs, and gives him a neckbreaker for 2. Greene gets a Thesz Press, but when he charges into Mongo again, Mongo gives him a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Greene gives him a 10 punch in the corner after a few rights, but is given an inverted atomic drop by Mongo. Mongo gets a dropkick for 2, and whips Greene hard into the buckle. He twists Greene's ankle, as Dusty slips in a Benoit reference during the match. Greene comes back with a dropkick, and goes to the top for a clothesline that gets 2, only 2 because Mongo's foot was on the bottom rope. Greene clotheslines him over the top rope, and gives him a bodyslam. Debra tries to show some skin in order to distract Greene, but that doesn't do anything. On the inside, Greene misses a charge towards the corner, so Mongo starts choking him. Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring, and hits Mongo with the briefcase on accident. OOPS. Greene pins Mongo at 9:22, and gets the win.
Match Analysis: This is pretty much what led to Jarrett being kicked out of the Horsemen, in case you were wondering. JR's on crack. The match wasn't bad, it was probably the best singles match I've seen with Mongo involved. I'm dead serious. *3/4.
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From Wrestlemania X7, the last match in the shorties section this month is The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin, for The Rock's WWF Title. The match is no disqualification.
Blow-by-blow: Austin's music is changed back from the Disturbed version, to the version we all know well. Bothers me a little. The Rock gets booed, as we know. I think all of us have seen this match. Austin misses a belt shot at the start of the match, and Thesz Presses the Rock. Austin with an elbowdrop, but as he runs the ropes again, Rock gives him a swinging neckbreaker. Both try for the Stunner, until Austin tosses the Rock out of the ring. And Rocky hit the floor HARD. They brawl into the crowd, and trade punches, before they come back to the ring. Austin's face gets rammed into the announce table, but he comes back with a clothesline. The crowd is so rabid for this match, words can't really describe it. Austin scrapes the face of Rocky with his knee brace, and on the inside, as Rocky's draped along the 2nd rope, Austin jumps on him and gets a 2 count. An Austin superplex gets two, and guys...we aren't even 5:00 into the bout yet. Austin takes the buckle pad off, but Rocky gives him a flying forearm. A belly-to-belly throw by the Rock gets 2, and then he clotheslines Austin over the top rope. He scares the referee away after ramming Austin into the table, but gets hit by the ring bell and blades. There's hardly any blood. The Rock climbs on the table, as if trying to get away, but falls through it. Back in, Austin tries to ram Rocky into the exposed turnbuckle, but he's unable to, so Austin gets a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Austin STOMPS A MUDHOLE WALKIN IT DRY on the Rock, but gets clotheslined after arguing with the ref for a bit. Finally, the ROCK rams Austin into the exposed turnbuckle, and returns the favor from earlier, hitting Austin with the ringbell. Now Austin's bleeding, as Rocky's cover gets a 2 count. Rocky beats Austin up, all the way around the ring. He elbows Austin twice, as Austin's on the apron. Austin fights back BAH GAWD, and slams Rocky on the barrier outside the ring. He slingshots Rocky into the post, and hits him with a television monitor. Now Rocky's bleeding, but I've got the feeling it was fake blood. He and Hebner were awfully close to each other after Rocky got hit with the monitor, and for a long time too. Plus, why would he blade twice when he has to shoot a movie? He wouldn't. On the inside, Rocky applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Well, they're going for WrestleMania 13 here. The visuals work. After, they do the same with Rocky caught in the SHARPSHOOTER, thanks to Austin. Funny little spot. Rocky gets out of the move, but Austin applies the SHARPSHOOTER again. Rocky gets to the ropes, but there's no DQ. So, Austin flips the bird at Hebner. Austin breaks the hold, and goes for the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Rocky does the spot where he kicks off the turnbuckle to put Austin in a pinning predicament, but only gets two. They're going for really obscure shit here, that the casual fan just isn't going to notice. I like that. Rocky gets the STONE COLD STUNNER for a 2 count, so Vince McMahon decides to grace us with his presence at ringside. An Austin spinebuster gets 2, so Rocky returns the favor with a spinebuster of his own, which leads to...THE PEOPLE'S ELBOWii! It only gets a 2 count though, because that dastardly Mr. McMahon pulled the Rock off during the count. Rock chases Vince, but as he gets back into the ring, he hits ROCK BOTTOM, thanks to Austin. Austin's cover only gets 2, so he tries the STUNNER. Can't get that, as Rocky pushes him into Hebner. Ref bump time. Austin gives Rock a lowblow, then holds the Rock for Vince to hit him with a chair, which he does. The first time I saw this match, live, I thought for sure that Vince would hit Austin. The ref's out for the count, but when he wakes up, Austin's cover gets 2. Rock gets a ROCK BOTTOM, but Vince distracts the official. Rocky punches Vince, but gets STUNNED as he turns around. His sell of the move is so ridiculous, but I like it. It gets a 2 COUNT, the crowd really thought the match was over. Austin gets handed a chair by Vince, but the single chairshot gets 2. He's thinking, "what does it take?" Finally, Austin says "fuck it," hits Rocky 16 TIMES with the chair, and pins him for the win at 28:07. The program shows Vince and Austin shaking hands, but not the beer drinking that comes afterward.
Match Analysis: It's the best WWF Title match ever. Do I need to say more? *****, and I liked the ending, contrary to what most people think. All the spots were well done, and fake blood doesn't bother me. After all, it's a fake sport.
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For the shorties and Piper section over the whole month...
Rating: Great. Selection MAYBE could have been better, so no full rating. I would've liked to see something different than the William Perry thing. There was a lot to choose from.
Best Match: The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Duh.
Worst Match: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper in a boxing match. This match was dogshit, so, when WrestleMania 2 gets reviewed, I'll review it.
Can't do loudest sound on this...kinda irrelevant.
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Well, ECW will be up next. I want to do Survivor Series '95, but I have to wait.
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