10:30 p.m.

• Big ups to Al k, who directed me to this.

ferrous (fer' es) adj. 1. of, containing or derived from iron; 2. Chem. designating or of divalent iron, or compounds containing it.

 

pork chop: A racist term referring to Puerto Rican people; also slang referring to Portuguese people. It is not offensive to call someone of Portuguese descent a pork chop because it is considered humorous and endearing.

 

When Slapnuts Guillermo Lopez picked up his newspaper Sunday morning, he froze at the sight of a prominent headline, alongside a photo of a fuzzy, human-sized pig.

 

There, in bright red ink, was the name of the IronPigs new mascot: PorkChop.

 

The word brought back uncomfortable memories of Lopez's time working at Bethlehem Steel, where he said racism was overt.

 

''If someone wanted to talk to me in a derogatory way, they'd call me 'pork chop','' said Lopez, whose family came from Puerto Rico to the Lehigh Valley in the 1940s to work at Bethlehem Steel.

 

''If my parents were alive, they'd be having fits. It meant much more to them than it does to Puerto Ricans now in the Lehigh Valley,'' he said.

 

A handful of complaints from Lopez and others, as well as a steamed online community, prompted team officials to change the name of the mascot for the Triple A affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies to Ferrous. Team officials announced the switch midday Monday.

Don't you know that having Pork Chop mascots is one of the worst things you can do to a Musl... err, Puerto Rican male. Wait a second. What? When the hell did that become offensive? I have a lot of rap records and don't recall that term being used. Although there was a Short Chop on Ice Cube's one album. Wait a second, I stand corrected. It's

• Big ups to me, who found this.

A grocery store in Manhattan made a food faux pas, advertising hams as "Delicious for Chanukah."

 

Chanukah — an alternate spelling for Hanukkah — is the eight-day Jewish holiday that began Tuesday evening, and hams — as well as pork and other products from pigs — can't be eaten under Jewish dietary laws.

 

A woman who saw the mistake over the weekend at the Balducci's store on 14th Street took pictures of the signs and posted them on her blog.

 

Jennifer Barton, director of marketing, told The Associated Press on Thursday that the signs were changed as soon as the error was noted.

 

She issued an apology on the company Web site, saying the company would be reviewing its employee training.

Don't you also know that advertising ham for Hanukkah consumption is one of the worst things you can do... oh who am I kidding? All a Jew will do is sue you. I guess they could also hire a hit man to get you, but this mercenary will be the lowest bidder so I'll take my chances.

• You two wanted each other. Enjoy.

A lesbian couple that married in Massachusetts cannot get divorced in their home state of Rhode Island, the state Supreme Court ruled Friday.

 

The court, in a 3-2 decision, said the state's family court lacks the authority to grant the divorce of a same-sex couple because Rhode Island lawmakers have not defined marriage as anything other than a union between a man and a woman.

Also, if two lesbians get a divorce, does the butch of the couple have to give everything over to the other one and live out of her car?

8 a.m.

• So I had on the Thursday night football game between the Bears and Redskins. Now I’m not one of those people going OMG NFL NETWORK ISN’T ON BASIC CABLE. Look, if you want this channel, then pay a few extra dollars and get it. I don’t watch Lifetime, but there are plenty of people out there who do. Plenty of battered women whose husbands left them and their five kids to be with the office secretary. Not everyone watches sports, which is why if you want more of a certain kind of programming then spend the extra money and knock yourself out. But that’s neither here nor there. I guess I’m getting ready for all the bitching that will take place if/when the Patriots finish their (possible) undefeated regular season on the NFL Network, much like with the Cowboys/Packers game earlier this year.

The reason I brought up the Thursday night game is that maybe it’s best for the NFL Network to be seen by a limited amount of people right now. Holy fuck is Bryant Gumbel awful. I get that not everybody likes Chris Collinsworth; he’s an acquired taste. He’s not my favorite announcer, but I can live with him. Gumbel is just horrible. When I watch something that is supposed to be apolitical, I try to give otherwise political people a chance. Hey, I think Keith Olberman should be strung up for that MSNBC show, but he’s still an excellent sports guy (in my opinion). Gumbel just pisses me off. What did it for me last night was when the Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell got hurt and was taken off the field. Later in the game it was reported he suffered a dislocated kneecap. It was also said that Redskins running back Clinton Portis had told Campbell’s father that he son was going to be OK. Gumbel then snidely makes a remark about Portis and his “medical license.” Fuck you, Bryant. Maybe he was just trying to make Campbell’s dad feel better. Ever think of that you piece of shit? I guess he should have said, "Boy, Mr. Campbell, your son sure is fucked."

Does polly want a cracker?

fuck no, he's a zero,

and I ain't with the redneck hero

I'm glad that Lincoln got bucked in the face,

we shoulda been free in the first place.

Now let me drop it like it should be,

and watch Rocky Marciano ass get mobbed.

Madonna, ya motherfuckin' slut,

you can show your BUTT, and jimmy still won't get up.

Babe Ruth was good against the white boys,

but he couldn't hit a nigga like Doc Gooden.

Marilyn Monroe was a hoe for the Kennedy's,

Don't worry, JD know's the enemies,

and I'll point 'em out if ya don't know 'em.

and tell Uncle Sam that I'm lookin' for him,

Cause I don't bow down to no zero,

and I'll say: Fuck you and your heroes….

What the-? The one line I’m looking for isn’t there.

Bring that beat back.

Bring the beat back.

Bring the beat back.

*wickywickywicky or whatever that DJ record-scratching sound is*

Madonna, ya motherfuckin' slut,

you can show your BUTT, and jimmy still won't get up.

The Beatles, I just can't fade

Get the mutherfuckin raid, Bone, we got roaches

[And Fonzie can't rumble]

And by the way you can have Bryant Gumbel

Much better. But the moment has pretty much passed. I tried looking on YouTube for a video to this musical masterpiece, but I had to settle for this other classic. It's sorta relevant to this topic. Yeah, I edited out the opening. Just another case of the white man's oppression.

And W…T…F….?

From the comments section:

Funny how jew is edited and fagot and nigger are not. I guess it's just a black man's paranoia. White people are a trip.

True dat, omarkhalid, true dat.