Review: WCW Bash at the Beach 1994, from Orlando, Florida, 7/17/1994.
My hand is nearly ready to start typing these in full. Nearly, but who knows how long that'll be. Anyhow, nothing will be there to review in full like that until the 15th, at which point I'll probably bring back a full review with Royal Rumble 1988. Fitting in with the theme of the month "Big Bangs and Dazzling Debuts," it's Hulk Hogan's WCW debut. So...
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Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan talk for a while, until we are given a rendition of the national anthem by some guy named Daron Norwood. Who? Next, we see a clip of Sting vs. Ric Flair from WCW Saturday Night. I've heard that match is a very good one, but it's just a clip here. Anyway, Sting was scheduled to challenge Lord Steven Regal for the TV Title tonight. But since he has a lacarated cornea or something from Sensous (their name for her, not mine) Sherri scratching him on the face, after coming through the crowd dressed as a man. After that, Hulk Hogan ran into the ring to save Sting, until Ric Flair got the edge on him after a chopblock. The attack continued until Mr. T and Jimmy Hart save Hogan from Flair. Ok, then.
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The first match on the card is Johnny B. Badd vs. Lord Steven Regal w/Sir William for the WCW TV Title. Yes, Sir William is Bill Dundee. My brother thinks Badd looks really fabulous. Take that for what you will.
I don't like that there's confetti all over the ring during the match, from when Badd shot it out of the Badd Blaster during his entrance. The crowd was into this match, which was definitely a good thing. However, this one was strange. The match didn't get going well until at the end, at which point Badd began to take over the match. He hit Regal with a left hook, which knocked him to the floor, and then he hit Regal with a pescado. He tossed Regal in and came in with a sunset flip, but Regal reversed it (strangely) into a rollup for 3 at 10:40. After the match, Badd attacks Sir William, and then, WCW's crew clears the confetti out of the ring. Thank you. The ending looked really bad, but it was still something good to open the show. **1/2.
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Next, Antonio Inoki's in the ring. Zuh? Well, Steven Regal comes into the ring, and runs down the fact that he's not being given an award, while Inoki is. After talking for a while, Inoki chases him around the inside of the ring, until Regal chickens out and goes backstage. Jesse Ventura then comes out for commentary, prior to...
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This bout is The Guardian Angel vs. Vader w/Harley Race. Guardian Angel = Ray Traylor.
My brother points out to me that Traylor looks like a Russian with the beret he wears during his entrance. He's right. This was a fun one. And Vader gave Traylor the moonsault, which was great. Anyway, Race gave Vader this baton thing to hit Traylor with as the referee was down, but Traylor stole it. The referee then wakes up and sees Traylor with the baton, and he disqualifies Traylor, giving Vader the win by disqualification, at 7:58. He never even hit Vader with the thing, which soured me on an otherwise decent affair. *3/4.
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Mike Tenay and Chris Cruise, who are operating the WCW Hotline, want to speak to Terry Funk, but Funk wants no part of that. Now, for a recap of the feud between Dustin Rhodes, Bunkhouse Buck and Funk. On some show, Terry hit Dustin with a branding iron. And Dustin does a great bladejob, which was a surprise, given WCW's restrictions on blood. Anyway, Dustin wants Arn Anderson to team with him against Buck and Funk, and Arn says sure.
Before that match, there's a video of some silly match before the show. I have no idea what this is.
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And now, we have Bunkhouse Buck and Terry Funk w/Meng and Colonel Robert Parker vs. Dustin Rhodes and Arn Anderson in a Grudge Match.
I'm very interested to see what happens in this match. I don't know what happens here at all. Anyway, Dustin takes an asskicking. Funk acts like a nutcase for most of the match, which is great. Anyway, Dustin finally powers up and hits both opponents with multiple elbows, and when he hits Robert Parker, he decides to tag in Arn. Arn is fired up too...but he gives DUSTIN A DDT. What the FUCK. Ok, that one surprised me. Wow. Funk then covers Dustin at 11:15 for the 3 count. There is monstrous heel heat here. Now the heels go to work on the arm, stomping it and kneedropping it. What a great match finish, ***. There was a gigantic WTF factor there, the crowd didn't expect, and neither did I. Like I said, I try not to find things out about these shows, and not only that, I've never seen this show in my life. WCW post-Hogan arrival to Fall Brawl 1995 is a blank slate to me. Mean Gene Okerlund then encounters Arn in the aisleway, and asks him why he did that. He sidesteps the question, and says that they're going to celebrate.
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Tony and Bobby begin to talk to Hank Aaron, but thankfully, it's time for Part 2, as this conversation is edited out.
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A Jimmy Hart thing (not part of the Bash show) opens up Part 2, and then it's Ric Flair and Sensous Sherri with Mean Gene. I've gotta ask, couldn't they think of a better first name for Sherri? That one sucks. Flair loves the match being live, and worldwide. This isn't on Worldwide, what the hell's he talking about? Sherri says that Flair's the man, and now, we have...
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Ricky Steamboat vs. Steve Austin, for the US Title. This match sounds great, and it should be. Steamboat's entrance with the dubbed music sounds like something out of Pirates of the Carribean. Just sayin'.
I love watching Steamboat chop the shit out of his opponent. Austin has the words, "Dragon Slayer" on his trunks. Thought that was worth a mention. Ventura gushes over Steamboat throughout the match, which is no surprise. He always gives Ricky credit. Unfortunately, this match is a disappointment. I expected far more. There's too much "going through the motions" here, and Tony never fails to disappoint with his "biggest night in the history of our sport" crap. I think that's the first time he's done so thus far. The match gets good at the end, but by that point it was a bit beyond being saved. Steamboat gives Austin a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER after multiple reversals, and goes to the top rope. Before this, Austin tried to toss Steamboat over the top rope twice. You know, because of that retarded DQ rule. Austin then pushes the referee, and the referee goes to make a disqualification. Steamboat then talks to the referee, and pleads for the match to continue and not be ended via disqualification. And the referee listens. Austin then spears Steamboat and beats him up. He throws him into the ropes and misses a clothesline, so Steamboat counters with a crossbody. Austin reverses the crossbody and puts his feet on the ropes, to get the pinfall at 20:06. I expected much, much more from this. A disappointing ***1/4. Still good, but nowhere near what one would expect from these two.
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Next is a WCW Hotline promo, before Bobby Heenan (back on commentary in place of Ventura) and Tony make their predictions of who will win the tag team match that's up next. I didn't pay attention to what they said. Following that, Mean Gene is with the newly formed Stud's Stable. That's what Arn joined, see. Arn talks about the Sid thing without mentioning him by name, and says that this is the real Arn Anderson.
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Ok, the next match is Pretty Wonderful vs. Cactus Jack and Kevin Sullivan w/Dave Sullivan for the WCW World Tag Team Championship. Pretty Wonderful was the team of Paul Orndorff and Paul Roma.
This sounds decent on paper. On paper. In actuality, this is a pile of shit. So much so, that the crowd starts doing the wave during the match. That's gotta be disheartening to the wrestlers involved. This is so boring, there's at been at least 6 minutes of restholds. Anyway, Cactus gets the cold tag, and gives Orndorff a double-arm DDT. Dave Sullivan then gets on the ring apron for some inexplicable reason, and Roma trips Cactus. Orndorff then pins Cactus while Roma holds Cactus' feet down, giving Pretty Wonderful the win and tag titles at 20:11. This was terrible. DUD. Everyone should be ashamed of the shitty effort they put in.
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It's time for the main event, the biggest match in the history of our sport! First Nick Bockwinkel comes to the ring, and then, Shaquille O'Neal. That gets a rise out of the crowd, this being Orlando and all.
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The match everyone's talking about is Hulk Hogan w/Mr. T and Jimmy Hart vs. Ric Flair w/Sensous Sherri for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Well, Hogan's music is shit. Not that I forgot about it, but it's terrible.
Ok, since this match has so much overbooking, I'll give that the rundown. Multiple times Ric Flair pulls Sherri in between he and Hogan when outside of the ring. That's no surprise. Hogan's technical wrestling is solid in this match, and that was a surprise. Ok, a bit later, Sherri grabs Hulk's leg while Hulk is running the ropes. It causes Hulk to turn around, and Flair chops him out of the ring. Sherri then grabs a chair, but Jimmy Hart steals it away from her. Flair takes a back suplex outside of the ring during the match, which was great. Hogan does a faux Hulk-Up, and gives Flair a big boot, which gets 2 as a result of Sherri pulling the official out of the ring. Sherri then hits Jimmy Hart, and gives Hogan a big splash off the top rope. There's a new referee, but Flair distracts him, while Sherri chokes Hogan with her panty hose. Flair then puts Hogan in the figure-four, and Sherri tries another splash on Hogan from the top. She misses, so Hogan knocks her out of the ring, while clotheslining Flair. He gives Flair a figure-four, as Mr. T carries Sherri to the back. But before T gets there, she tosses Flair a foreign object to hit Hogan with. Flair punches Hogan and only gets two, so it's HULK-UP TIME LITTLE DUDE. ONE TWO THREE, BOOT, DROP THE FUCKING LEG for 3 at 21:50. Ok, at first, I was going to call this **3/4. However, there's a gigantic amount of overbooking. I'm not going to deduct anything, for third reasons. First, the segments in between the overbooking are outstanding. The wrestling is crisp, and psychology is sound. Secondly, I feel like I already deducted stars for rating it that low in the first place. Third, should I deduct stars, I have no idea how low I should go. There was just SO MUCH. My rating is still **3/4, with an aforementioned warning that the overbooking is such that it can make the match un-enjoyable. However, I still enjoyed it.
After the match, Shaq hands Hogan the title, and Hogan poses. I was hoping this was the end of the show, but it's not. Hogan gives an interview in the back, and runs into Brutus Beefcake and Jim Duggan along the way back there. Talk about who I would not want in WCW, those two are atop the list. Once he gets back there to talk to Gene Okerlund, he goes into formula Hogan mode. He puts over Johnny B. Badd, Duggan, Beefcake and Brian Pillman(?) as loyal Hulkamaniacs, and rambles for a while, until the interview ends and we go back to Bobby and Tony. Show's over, after they say a few things.
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Rating: Decent. Largely disappointing, IMO. I thought this was going to be a great show, I really did. I nearly forgot to mention that NO babyfaces won on the entire card until the main event. I think that's shitty of WCW. Had I paid for the show, I would've been a little peeved. However, unlike StarrCade '92, I definitely would have bought this in the first place. Not a question about it. That said, there are still things about this show that are well worth checking out, namely Hogan/Flair, and Arn Anderson's turn.
Best Segment: Arn Anderson's turn on Dustin Rhodes. No contest.
Worst Segment: Kevin Sullivan and Cactus Jack vs. Pretty Wonderful. Brutal stuff.
Loudest Sound: Johnny B. Badd, Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair and all participants in the grudge match. After the Arn heel turn, the crowd really turned down the volume. That wasn't a good thing.
No Sound: Ricky Steamboat, Cactus Jack, Kevin Sullivan, and Steve Austin. Although Pretty Wonderful are Pretty Awful, they got massive heel heat prior to and after their title win. Austin was the only heel to get little reaction.
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The Lakers play tonight, so when I post that "Random Thoughts" thing in a few days, there won't be anything about Smackdown except for what I thought of the booking, if anything at all. I won't be watching much of Smackdown unless there's a blowout in the Laker game. Anyhow, that thing will probably be up Monday afternoon.
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