Ok, it's the first Royal Rumble. Oddly enough, I'm going to write a full review, even though this wasn't on PPV. Why? Because it's important, just like all the Clashes and all the Saturday Night Main Events are important. So there.

___________________

The opening graphic is 2 SWEEEEEET. Also, Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are the commentators.

Our first match, given away by Rude's music having been played all throughout the show's introduction, is Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat.

Blow-by-blow: Don't forget, I have this show. I've seen it a ton. Rude gives Steamboat a few hard shots to the kisser, so Steamboat comes back with a few of his own. Rude tosses Steamboat over the top, much like the participants in a special match later tonight will need to do, but Steamboat SKINS THE CAT back in. Once back in, he backdrops Rude over the top to the floor. Rude comes back in, and we have a TEST OF STRENGTH. Steamboat breaks the knucklelock of Rude, and takes him down, applying an armbar. Steamboat gives Rude an armdrag when shot into the ropes, and reapplies the armbar. Steamboat gives Rude a double chop, and an armdrag. Steamboat elbows Rude's arm, and splashes onto it. Rude gives Steamboat a back elbow after shooting him into the ropes, and attempts to gain control by ramming Steamboat's head into the buckle. Steamboat gives Rude another armdrag, and I've gotta point out, it's been armbars for 8 minutes, now. That's a lot of armbar. Steamboat knees Rude in the shoulder, and Rude comes back with another back elbow. Then he hits Steamboat in the back with a running knee, knocking Steamboat to the floor. He rams Steamboat's back into the ring apron, and slams him. He poses, and suplexes Steamboat back into the ring, getting a 2 count. Now, we go to the chinlock. A chinlock where Steamboat lets his arm fall 3 times, and raises it on the fourth. Yeah, that was a mistake. Steamboat picks Rude up on his shoulders, and drops him to the canvas. That was impressive. He goes for a running splash, but lands on Rude's knees. Rude gouges Steamboat's eyes, and gives him an atomic drop, for 2. Steamboat rams Rude's head into a turnbuckle 10 times, and chops him to the canvas, getting 2 on the pinfall. Rude takes Steamboat down with a headlock, and Steamboat bridges from the pin into a backslide, for 2. Here come the rapid 2 counts that I love. Steamboat rolls Rude up for 2, then tries a jackknife roll-up, getting 2. Rude goes for an inside cradle that gets 2, and Steamboat reverses it, getting 2. Rude gets a clothesline for 2, and tries a suplex. Steamboat blocks it and suplexes Rude, before going to the top. Steamboat goes for a crossbody, but Rude pulls the referee in front of him, to block the maneuver. Rude puts Steamboat in an argentine backbreaker for the submission, as the referee rings the bell at 17:41. HOWEVER, as Rude walks to the back, the announcement is made that STEAMBOAT wins the match by disqualification.

Match Analysis: **, for the torrid pace at the end of the match, which is typical of most Steamboat matches. That said, it was nowhere near the other matches I've seen between the two.

___________________

Gene Okerlund's with Jesse Ventura, as we do the DINO BRAVO BENCHPRESS IN AN ATTEMPT TO BREAK THE WORLD RECORD. Sorry, we're going to fastforward until the end, because the beginning and middle are unimportant. We're at 715 pounds, 10 pounds above the record of 705. Bravo nearly walks off, because of the booing. He comes back and presses the weight, but he needs the assistance of Jesse in order to get it back to the bar. CHEATER. Thankfully, that's that.

___________________

Our next match is the Jumping Bomb Angels vs. The Glamour Girls w/Jimmy Hart in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the Ladies Tag Team Titles. The Glamour Girls are Leilani Kai and Judy Martin.

- Thanks to this idiotic commentary team, we don't find out the Angels names until the second fall. Sure, I've watched them before, but I don't know their names that well. So I have to go this route.

- The Angels do some cool stuff, but not as much as they did in that match on PrimeTime that I rated. I'll link to this...Martin gives one of the Angels an alleyoop, which gets the Glamour Girls fall #1, at 6:11. I'm going strictly off the commentary, which could be wrong.

- Although Vince said the Angels names during the 2nd fall, he never established which was which. Too late anyway. A sunset flip in by one of the Angels gets them the second fall at 8:20. 1-1.

- This match isn't as good as their match from PTW, either. Anyhow, one of the Angels misses a senton, which gives me the thought that a miss of that move must be one of the hardest bumps you can take in that hard ring the WWF used to have. Anyhow, the Angels win the match and the titles with a double dropkick, at 15:21. I used a running time method, even though there were breaks in between falls. **1/2. Here's the link to the other match between these two...

http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/blog/kingo...?showentry=2410

___________________

We flashback to WrestleMania III, where Andre nearly pinned Hulk Hogan on Hogan's first bodyslam attempt. This is basically a run of clips leading to the Andre/Hogan contract signing for the MAIN EVENT. Ted DiBiase says he's going to buy the title...Hogan needs to make a decision on whether to sell the belt or not...and he says HELL NO. DiBiase still thinks Hogan has a price, and on SNME, Andre attacked Hogan. If Andre wins the title, he says he'll sell it.

And here comes Andre, as we start the contract signing. I think it's weird to see a show this old (and not taking place at the Garden) taking place in a building that's still around. That said, the place was UGLY on the inside. Here comes Hogan, wearing white. DiBiase and Virgil are there, as is Jack Tunney. Andre won't sit down for a while, but eventually, he does. I wish Andre would've slammed Hogan through the table, but after both men sign the contract, he rams Hogan's face into the table and turns the table over, on top of Hogan. Ha. I love Andre's attitude.

___________________

Before the ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH, I noticed that a kid wearing a Hulkster headband is nearly crying. Poor kid. Anyhow, here we are.

Blow-by-blow: The first entrant in the history of the Royal Rumble is...BRET HART. I find that fitting, not meant in a negative way, of course. And second, is TITO SANTANA. Hart works Santana over, and #3 is BUTCH REED. I'm going to say this early, the times between entry are completely random. This isn't every man for himself, it's face vs. heel tactics. And #4 is JIM NEIDHART. The heels work over Santana, and for some reason, they aren't able to throw him out. During that, Bret nearly KILLS Tito with a piledriver. So #5 is JAKE ROBERTS. And boy, does the crowd go nuts. He eliminates Butch Reed from behind, at 5:22. Roberts then tries to DDT Bret, but Neidhart clotheslines him, stopping all that. #6 is HARLEY RACE. I can't really do Jake's psychology justice, in a match like this, it only helps to make the match all the better. I can't say all that much in between entrants unless there are eliminations, so #7 is JIM BRUNZELL, and #8 is SAM HOUSTON. The Harts try to hit Sam, but Anvil hits Bret on accident. The Hart Foundation tosses Tito out, at 10:40. The time between eliminations is long, but to me, it's flying by. #9 is DANGEROUS DANNY DAVIS. Davis and Houston brawl, as Roberts has Race on the seesaw. You know, when he'd sit on the second rope and rock back and forth after being hit. #10 is BORIS ZHUKOV, who goes straight for Sam Houston. And #11 is DON MURACO, who's attacked by Nikolai Volkoff in the aisle. But see, Volkoff's not allowed in, and the reason for him having come out is attributed to him not understanding English. Well, Brunzell and Jake dumps Zhukov at 15:16, so Volkoff won't have help from his tag partner. So yeah, #12 is NIKOLAI VOLKOFF. Harley Race gets thrown out by Muraco, at 16:50. #13 is JIM DUGGAN, and as Race is walking to the back, he takes a swing at Duggan, who chases him to the back. #14 is RON BASS, who does nothing. Volkoff throws out Brunzell at 20:50, and #15 is B. BRIAN BLAIR. In a funny sight, Bret's kneepads are at his feet. #16 is HILLBILLY JIM, who backdrops Neidhart over the top at 22:50. #17 is DINO BRAVO, who enters just before Bass tosses Houston out from on top of his shoulders at 24:19. Yeah, Houston was sitting on top of Bass' shoulders. #18 is the ULTIMATE WARRIOR, who enters right before Muraco throws our ironman, Bret Hart, out of the ring at 25:40. #19 is the ONE MAN GANG, who comes right in and tosses Blair out, at 26:56. Then he tosses Jake Roberts out, at 27:10. Our last entrant, at #20, is the JUNKYARD DOG. Duggan gets rid of Volkoff, at 28:18, and quickly after, Gang gets rid of Hillbilly Jim at 28:31. Duggan then gives Davis a three point stance clothesline, knocking him out at 29:06, and then, Bravo and Gang get rid of the ULTIMATE WARRIOR at 29:22. Bass then dumps the JYD at 29:44, and Bass is quickly dumped by Muraco at 29:56. So, they waited until the end to do the rapid-fire eliminations. Our final four is Don Muraco, the One Man Gang, Dino Bravo and Jim Duggan. For some reason, Frenchy Martin gets on the ring apron, and Muraco dropkicks him off. Gang clotheslines Muraco over the top rope at 31:07, so we have a 2 on 1 situation. Gang accidentally eliminates Dino Bravo by charging into him at 32:20, when he meant to charge into Duggan. So we're at 2, and when Gang charges towards Duggan, Duggan ducks and pulls down the top rope, forcing Gang to fly over the top at 33:19. So, Jim Duggan wins the FIRST ROYAL RUMBLE.

Match Analysis: Slower than most Rumbles, probably because the guys hadn't worked in this kind of match before. Anyhow, the lack of star power sorta hurt this one, although you could see that this match was going to be a success from day 1. The crowd loved it. ***1/4.

___________________

Craig DeGeorge is with Hulk Hogan, who rips his shirt off and talks a lot of trash about Andre the Giant.

___________________

So, our last match on the night is the Young Stallions vs. The Islanders, a 2 out of 3 falls match.

Blow-by-blow: Powers and Tama start things off, but Tama doesn't really want to fight, so he ducks under the top rope. Tama comes back to the action and gouges Powers eyes, but Powers comes back with a scoop slam, causing Tama to go to the outside. Bobby Heenan's in Barbados, explaining his absence. Tama wants to shake hands with Powers, but Powers gives him an atomic drop. And then, Vince McMahon calls the bench press stuff boring. So why'd you book it? Powers misses a charge to the corner, so Haku and Roma tag in. Roma gives Haku an armwringer, but Haku gives him a shoulderblock. After, Roma tries to give Haku a hiptoss, but Haku reverses it into an UGLY one of his own, that looked like an armdrag. Roma gives Haku a crossbody for 2, and then he tags in his partner, as they give Haku a double back elbow for 2. Tama tags in, and slams Powers. He misses an elbowdrop, and tags in Haku, who gives Powers a back elbow for 2. Tama goes up top when he tags in, and gives Powers a flying chop. And then, he tags in Haku, and along with Tama, gives Powers a double headbutt. Haku misses a charge to the corner, and they both clothesline each other. The camera shows Tama's feet, and Vince makes this idiotic comment about how his toes are such that he could hang upside down. So naturally, Jesse calls him a racist, and starts talking about how Jimmy the Greek was replaced for a comment like that. Roma and Tama tag in, and Roma gives Tama a clothesline. He follows it up with a dropkick and a backdrop, and he dropkicks Tama again for 2. Tama then tosses Roma over the top, as Haku pulled the top rope down. So Roma's knee is hurt after landing funny, and he gets counted out at 7:53, to end the first fall. The Stallions go back to the dressing room for Roma to get treatment on his knee, so we see...

The Andre/Hogan stuff from earlier. Andre, DiBiase and Virgil are with DeGeorge, and the first two cut a promo on Hogan. Joey Marella (the referee of the current match) and the Islanders are in the ring, shootin' the shit. Funny. DeGeorge interrupts Andre once, so Andre elbows him in the gut. Haha.

The Stallions now come back to the ring, and we begin again. Roma must start the second fall, because he ended the last one. Tama works on Roma's leg and slams him, but eats knees on a splash attempt. Roma makes the tag to Powers, and Powers backdrops Haku for 2. The crowd is, uh, mostly gone. Powers gives Haku a clothesline and elbow for 2, and a dropkick for another 2 count. Powers then gives Haku a suplex for 2, and a back elbow. Powers begins to ram Haku's head into the mat, but that doesn't hurt at all, so Haku hits him in the gut. Tama comes in quickly and headbutts Powers, before tagging out again. When Haku comes in, the Islanders give Powers a double headbutt. Powers cradles Haku for 2, but sure enough, Haku comes right back with a backbreaker, for 2. Tama tags in, and gives Powers a flying back elbow. He then says, "COME ON SUCKA." Heh. Tama gets a snapmare for 2, and tags in Haku. Haku gets a dropkick for 2, and then a gutwrench suplex for 2. He applies an abdominal stretch, but Powers counters with a hiptoss. Haku slams Powers, but misses a rolling senton. Powers tries to tag Roma, but he can't, until Haku misses a dropkick. I don't really know why he tagged in Roma, but Haku and Tama went to town on the poor guy. Tama went up top without tagging in and splashed on his leg, and Haku forced Roma to submit with a half crab at 14:59.

We have a final word from Jesse and Vince, which ends the show.

Match Analysis: The crowd didn't care, but I liked it. Haku went through almost his entire moveset, which was good. **1/4, because it didn't feel like a waste of 15 minutes.

___________________

Rating: Decent. All of the matches were solid, and we had the debut of a new concept match. Unfortunately, there aren't many heavy hitters on this show, so I don't recommend watching this more than once. It gets boring after the first few times, and this time, I was starting to feel bored.

Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Easy.

Worst Segment: The Dino Bravo World Record Benchpress. I don't think anyone cared.

Loudest Sound: Jake Roberts, Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiase. I guess that's a copout to not name anyone surprising.

___________________

Next will be a Random Thoughts piece, which'll be up on Monday.