Review: Random Thoughts from 1-29-08, featuring Smackdown, and RAW.
The column got pushed back a day because I ordered the Rumble. No biggie, right?
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I'm going to copy my notes for Smackdown, seeing as the Rumble changed a ton of things. This is from Charlottesville, VA, just like ECW was.
Rey Mysterio faced the Edgeheads in a handicap match...
- Rey's new entrance setup rocks it. This is one of those "I tag you" handicap matches, which I really don't care for.
- Curt Hawkins comes in at 6:13 and hits Rey with a chair, giving Rey the win via DQ. Rey dropkicks the chair into his face, and forces the heels to scatter. *3/4. Not half bad.
Some dude named Jesse is talking about how some dude named Festus is being fixed. Needless to say, I've never seen those two in my life.
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Next up is a match between Jimmy Wang Yang w/Shannon Moore vs. Domino w/Deuce and Cherry.
- Yang's gimmick is really starting to wear on me. I hate his stupid music, and I hate his stupid dance.
- Yang pins Domino with a moonsault block at 5:24. I don't really like the way he does the move, either. *1/4.
Backstage, Jamie Noble and Chuck Palumbo argue for a bit, until Michelle McCool comes into the picture. Then they stop, because they're in a match...NEXT.
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So yeah, Chuck Palumbo, Jamie Noble, and Michelle McCool are facing John Morrison, the Miz, and Layla.
- We'll talk about the angle at the end of the match. At around 1:40, Palumbo and Noble argued with each other, and Palumbo pushed Noble into McCool, who was on the ring apron. Then Palumbo assaulted Noble, and pushed McCool onto the ground when she tried to stop him. Hey, Palumbo got booed, so it worked.
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MVP comes to the ring, because he has something to share with us. That something is a bunch of photoshopped pictures, mostly making fun of Flair. I thought the shuffleboard one was funny, as was the one where Flair was wearing the Jack Nicklaus Golden Bear hat. So, Ric Flair comes out, and says he'll beat MVP at the Rumble (which he did).
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Our next match is a Belfast Brawl, obviously Finlay w/Hornswoggle facing the Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh. The rules were never explained.
- Khali tried to put Hornswoggle through the annonce table, so Finlay grabs the shillelagh and beats Khali to a bloody pulp. The match just stops at 4:50. Lame. *. Khali's been booked to look super weak lately.
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Vince McMahon is with Finlay, but he only wants to talk to his son.
Batista comes to the ring, and talks. He's putting everyone on notice for the Rumble.
Backstage, Noble encountered Michelle McCool as she was being stretchered out of the building, and he tells her that he'll get Palumbo. Ok.
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Now we have our semi-main event, featuring the Undertaker, who's taking on Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker.
- This is going to be bad, if their matches in the past are any indication. By that, I'm talking nearly 10 years ago. It's actually scary how small V makes Taker look.
- Taker slaps on a gogoplata at 6:12, causing V to tap out. The finish looked so contrived, you just have to see it. Plus, V bit the blood capsule. 3/4*. Mark Henry comes to the ring, screaming at Taker that he "went too far." The fuck is that supposed to mean?
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The last match is CM Punk vs. Edge w/the Edgeheads in a non-title bout.
- Rey Mysterio is on commentary. Why they're doing this now, I have no idea. But I'm not booking this show. That said, Punk losing now is better than him challenging and losing later.
- Punk botched his springboard clothesline pretty bad. Up to that point, the match was going really well. Punk avoids an Edge charge to the corner, but Edge comes right back out with the SPEAR to finish at 7:50 (shown). **. Rey runs in to be by Punk's side after the match, and that's the show.
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Looking back, given the MSG crowd on Sunday, Rey should never have been in the title match. That's hindsight, for ya. Show was poor, best segment was Palumbo beating down Noble, and the worst was Finlay/Khali. I enjoyed that one the least. Smackdown is easily the most boring of the three shows, IMO. That's not to say it's the worst, because it isn't.
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The MSG show was good, but I didn't finish it. I liked Bret Hart's debut more than anything else.
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The typical crowd here in Philly boos John Cena. This, of course, is RAW. Cena talks about his injury, and how life wasn't the same. Well, duh. He wants to face Orton ASAP, meaning tonight. Orton comes out and says no, he'll only fight Cena if people are paying for it. That means they'll have a match at No Way Out. Cena still says that he'll find a way to get Orton tonight.
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Our first match was Ashley and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix.
- Lillian Garcia messed up Beth's entrance pretty bad. Anyway, Mickie is the only thing good about this match. Of course, Beth pins her with the fisherman buster at 2:52. 3/4*. Ashley just stood on the apron watching, seeing as Hall was way late in coming over to grab her leg. So, it looked really bad.
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Vince McMahon is with William Regal, who has an idea for No Way Out. Vince wants him to share it with the public, after the commercial.
A video after the commercial tells me that the Steve Austin DVD is coming out soon...
And then, Regal comes to the stage, blubbering through his announcement. It's for the Elimination Chamber, where the winner goes on to face the winner of Cena/Orton at WrestleMania. We watch a video of past Elimination Chambers, but none of the footage is from the ECW version. Our participants in this are...UMANGA, HBK, Chris Jericho, JBL, Jeff Hardy, and Triple Haitch.
Mike Adamle talks about our later matches, which are Snitsky and UMAGA vs. HHH and a partner of his choice, and JBL/Orton vs. Jericho/Jeff Hardy. Much better this time, as opposed to the Rumble when he Regal'd his way through the entire night.
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The second match on the night is Cody Rhodes w/Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito w/Santino Marella and Maria.
- At the Rumble, Carlito spit on Rhodes' face. So, we have this.
- Cody's punches look really stiff. That said, he punches away a bit too often, so when Santino distracts him, it's easy for Carlito to give him the BACKSTABBER, for the pinfall at 3:05. *.
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HHH is with Shawn Michaels in the lockerroom, and we know that at No Way Out, both guys will need to do what it takes to get that title shot. But right now, HHH needs a partner for his match. So...Shawn accepts, then jumps out of the picture, and comes back in with new, DX merchandise on. I like this whole thing with Shawn and his merchandise.
UFC promo for Mir vs. Lesnar. Really looking forward to watching Brock eat fists there.
Last in this run of segments, is some filming for Candice Michelle's Godaddy.com Super Bowl commercial.
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Like, I said, it's a DX night, as they'll face UMAGA and Snitsky.
- I think I'm one of the few smarks that get enjoyment out of the DX thing. I love nostalgia. HHH talks about Buffer's gimmick infringement at the Rumble. I let out a small laugh for that.
- And with their whole entrance thing, I almost forgot there's a match. HHH grabs a mic and asks if anyone has a toothbrush. You know, cause Snitsky's in the ring. The "BRUSH YOUR TEETH" chant gets going, and I laugh. Every arena should chant that during Snitsky's matches. I think it's funny how I said last week that these were the only two guys left to squash that white kid on ECW, and now they're tagging up with each other.
- HBK is your face in peril, but thankfully, there's a commercial. Snitsky's shitty bearhug generally ruins matches, and this is no exception. HHH tags in, Umaga receives SWEET CHIN MUSIC from Shawn, and HHH gives Snitsky the PEDIGREE for the pinfall, at 12:13. Who knows why the match was of that length, *3/4.
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Randy Orton's in the back with JBL, and Orton wants to know that JBL will have his back if Cena shows up. JBL says, sure.
Todd Grisham's with Jeff Hardy, who says nothing of note.
And Vince is with Hornswoggle now. Vince is disappointed, damnit. Get the hell out of this room right now.
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The next match is Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick. Hey, at least we're getting a bunch of matches tonight.
- Kendrick ran right into the ring and slapped Kennedy. That was funny. Unfortunately, he gets squashed and finished off with the MIC CHECK, for 3 at 1:59. Now, the mike comes down. Kennedy didn't want in the Elimination Chamber, he wanted to retire Ric Flair. I like this idea. He's not going to be the guy to retire Flair, but he's well perceived enough by the fans so that Flair can go over him and continue to get stronger, prior to his retirement. Flair comes out, and has two things to say.
First, good luck.
Second, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So, they'll have a match at No Way Out.
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We go right into another match, this being Melina vs. Maria w/Santino Marella.
- Santino dissin' Melina on the way to the ring is hilarious. That said, he wouldn't be nearly as funny (or not funny at all) if he didn't have the accent.
- This match was horrid. Melina went to roll-up Maria, but pulled her pants down, revealing Maria's underwear. So, Maria got the pin at 2:something. I lost the time. Santino runs into the ring and covers Maria up, and says, "damn you Japanese for your high definition technology." Then he says that JR had erected a monument in his trousers. But a small monument, see. Funny stuff. DUD.
Todd Grisham is with Y2J in the back, and what happened at the Rumble (he hung JBL) is the new him...and he likes that.
Mike Adamle then previews No Way Out, prior to...
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Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho vs. JBL and Randy Orton.
- Looking like this match could be long. And good.
- Jeff Hardy gave Orton a SWANTON really early, but JBL prevented that from being the end of the match. We go to the break, and come back, as Orton doesn't have Hardy in a chinlock. Thankfully. JBL and Jericho's brawling sequences are rough. They stiff the hell out of each other. Hardy crashes and burns outside, and Y2J has JBL trapped in the WALLS OF JERICHO. Orton comes in and gives Jericho an RKO, which gets his team the 3 count at 10:58. **1/2, good TV stuff. John Cena comes out, presumably to have a go at Orton. JBL ducks out under the bottom rope, and we're one-on-one. Cena kicks Orton's ass, and finishes that off with the F-U. Not a single RAW this year has left Orton in a favorable position at the end of the show. That's really weird booking.
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The show was, uh, good. Barely good. The best segment was the tag match at the end between JBL/Orton and Hardy/Jericho, and the worst was probably the actual Melina/Maria match. I don't know what'll be on my next column, other than ECW from today. I might even review Clash I before I put that up, I don't know. No promises.
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