Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Suck – Part 1
The Undertaker and Kane v Kronik – Unforgiven 2001
Oh dear lord, did this much suck the big one, and then some. Here we have a match where three of the four involved are infamous for their reluctance to sell, with the fourth participant, Kane, getting caught up in the Vortex Of Suck™ that is Undertaker, Brian Adams and Bryan Clarke. There is absolutely nothing resembling psychology in this match, with the closest thing to it being how one team will punch and kick a lot, then the other team will punch and kick a lot, before the other team resume punching and kicking, and the whole thing starts again. All through the match, it becomes glaringly obvious that nobody wants to sell anything for the other team, with the closest thing to selling being each guy nodding their head in a rather vigorous manner when getting punched. What non-punch/kick moves that did happen were executed with such sloppiness and hesitation that you’re left thinking that either this match was called on the fly, and so nobody was prepared for what the other guy was going to do, or that if it was laid out beforehand, everyone developed a case of amnesia and forgot everything that had been agreed to. There were a number of blown spots, leading credence to the theory that the match was laid out beforehand but that those involved just forgot what had been planned, some of which were blown with such mind numbing incompetence that, not only were you left with no clue what was meant to happen, but that those involved were so bamboozled that they had no idea on how to salvage things. Case in point being Adams hitting the ropes and Undertaker swinging for what I guess was meant to be a clothesline or something, but he barely grazes Adams, who then turns around to face Undertaker before they stare at each other for what seems like an eternity before Undertaker decides to just punch Adams, and get on with things.
The biggest example of someone being totally unwilling to sell came in the big babyface comeback, if you can even call it that, being that the babyfaces sold almost nothing, when Undertaker was punching away at Kronik. While Bryan Clarke took a flatback from each blow, the best we got from Bryan Adams was on instance of him going down to one knee for a bout two seconds. Apart from that, he wasn’t selling a thing during the big comeback, which takes away whatever fire this suckfest of a match was able to generate in the first place. Eventually, Adams deigns to sell a punch by dropping to the mat and rolling out to the floor, on his feet, naturally, leaving Clarke to get chokeslammed by The Undertaker, which mercifully ends this absolute travesty of a match.
Afterwards, Steven Richards, who was managing Kronik, but played no part during the match, goes to hit Undertaker with a chair, but gets caught, and winds up getting chokeslammed by Kane, and takes the best bump of this whole sorry mess, and sells that one move better than anything ‘sold’ during the match itself.
This match was without a doubt one of the very worst matches of all time. It was horrible beyond belief, and after watching it you can understand why Kronik were summarily given the boot the next day. I don’t know if the star rating scale goes as low as is needed to rate this disaster, but if it does, the rating this abomination would get undoubtedly be minus infinite stars.