LIVE FROM LAS VEGAS

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It's MONDAY NITRO OMG WTF! To start the show, here comes Ric Flair to the ring, with two women and a...mannequin dressed up in Scottish garb. Oh no. One of these women wants to know why they call Piper "Hot Rod." Ouch. Flair says that he's the wrestler of the two, some woman calls Flair a 30 second man, and yeah, that's about it. Nearly forgot that there was a moment of silence for Piper, but yeah, now that's it. Thought for sure that Piper would run in, but he didn't. Lame segment.

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Juventud Guerrera vs. Chris Jericho for the Cruiserweight Title begins the action...

 

- See, Chris Jericho beat Syxx for the Cruiserweight Title over the weekend in Los Angeles. House show title changes every once in a while are pretty important for keeping house business alive, I feel. So that was good. This match sure as fuck isn't, though. Juvi messes up so much stuff that it's ridiculous, so I was glad to see him get double powerbombed. Super frankensteiner and LIONTAMER gets the submission at 6:49. *1/2. Now, Chris Jericho is with Mean Gene. WCW is on the map, you see. Syxx makes his way down the entrance ramp and to the ring, where he says that Jericho didn't beat anything on Saturday until he went back to his hotel room. Ouch. Then Syxx slaps Jericho, and they do a pull-apart, before going to commercial.

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Back from the commercial, both men are being pulled apart by security, and Alex Wright has made his way down to ringside for an interview. He's being held down because he's from Germany. Yeah, you heard. Lex Luger's body has nothing on his. Ok...

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The next match is Dean Malenko vs.....well, Eddie Guerrero attacks Dean in the aisleway, so yeah, it's him.

 

- Fuck yes for having this on Nitro. Ring attire is the next thing Eddie has to change, cause this is, um, terrible. Good match, of course, albeit super short. Chavo runs down to the ring and jumps on the ring apron, so Eddie rams Dean into him. Brainbuster, FROG SPLASH gets the pinfall for Eddie at 3:58. **.

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Gene Okerlund's with Rey Mysterio, who's sick and tired of Kevin Nash's antics. See, Nash gets a kick out of, well, kicking Rey's ass. Mysterio challenges Nash for a match tonight, Nash comes out and makes fun of him, before accepting. Not going to end well.

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After the break, here comes Eric Bischoff....and HOLLYWOOD HOGAN. No problem with a Hogan appearance. His nicknames are pretty funny, like "ROD THE BOD" and "FLEXY LEXY." They make me laugh, anyway. Almost a useless segment, actually, no almost about it, it just was.

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Hector Garza is going to take on Steven Regal for the Television Title...

 

- Later on, there's a big six man tag, but I'm not going to spoil it. Anyway, this show hasn't been the best for Mexican wrestlers. No exception here, as Garza blows some stuff. Anyway, REGAL STRETCH gets the submission at 3:36.

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NWO video is definitely skippable...I don't know if PPV ads are cut out, but if they never existed, then well, that's fuckin' stupid.

 

The Steiner Brothers are with Mean Gene, running their mouth about the title shot they deserve. Here comes Scott Hall and Kevin Nash in response...and they're bringing the whole crew. Hall has a contract for the Steiners to sign, and they sign it, then leave. BUT, the contract says that the Steiners have to get through Masahiro Chono and The GREAT MUTA before facing the Outsiders for the tag straps. The Steiners were made to look mentally handicapped, so...that was good.

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Super Calo vs. Psychosis w/Sonny Onoo is next...if you forgot why Onoo is managing Psychosis, basically, they made a deal in a throwaway segment.

 

- Onoo grabs Super Calo's leg during a suplex, which causes Psychosis to fell on top of him and get the pinfall victory at 2:40. Literally a nothing match. *. LA PARKA runs down to the ring, and breaks a wooden chair over Calo's back. WHAT THE FUCK. Juventud Guerrera runs in, and causes Psychosis to dropkick La Parka on accident, before leaving. WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously though, what the hell is this?

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Hour #2 begins with Mortis and Wrath w/James Vandenberg taking on High Voltage.

 

- Glacier and Ernest Miller run down to the ring really quick, and as Mortis has Rage in fireman's carry position and the referee is distracted, Miller kicks Mortis from the top rope and Rage pins Mortis for 3 at 1:15. 1/2*, I guess whenever they need a run-in for a loss, High Voltage gets the call. This isn't the first time, as you'd know from reading my blog.

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There's a limo in the back, IS THIS THE IMPACT PLAYER!

 

Well, On the Road in Memphis is definitely fast-forward material, but....OMG WTF 1997 IT'S RAVEN SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW.

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Konnan vs. Jeff Jarrett is for the US Championship...

 

- Yes, Raven was really in the front row, I shit you not. Anyway, Jarrett's music sucks, and of course, so does his ring attire. Re-tool, please. Konnan is tolerable, and I'm sure that's a minority opinion. I don't think he's good by any stretch, but he's rather funny.

 

- Every match (save one) has been off, tonight. No exception here. Flair and the rest of the Horsemen come down to the ring, and Flair helps Jarrett win by figure-four submission at 4:11. *. Jarrett's Horsemen probation is over, and you know why, well, it's because Jarrett is no longer a Horseman. HAHA.

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Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Kevin Nash is the next contest...

 

- Boy oh boy. Rey runs down the aisle and attacks Nash, who then beats his ass. Wow. THE JACKKNIFE gives Nash the pinfally victory at 1:47. I don't understand the point of having Rey get whipped after challenging Nash. Whatever. Anyway, Konnan comes to the ring to save Rey...but instead, he heel hooks him and leaves. More dumb stuff, * for the match.

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Rey gets wheeled out of the ring area, and Mike Tenay asks Raven a few questions. Tenay's questions get no answer, but Raven does push Tenay, indicating that he has nothing to say.

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Now, as advertised, Hulk Hogan Oh wait, he's not in this match. Who the hell am I fooling? It's really Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Randy Savage w/Elizabeth vs. Lex Luger, The Giant, and Diamond Dallas Page w/Kimberly.

 

- It isn't exactly a match, though. They brawl for about, uh, 3:10 before Hogan comes to the ring, and helps the NWO work over the WCW guys. Savage gives Page the FLYING ELBOW from up top, and wait a minute...

 

IT'S STING!

 

Umm...I assure you, that is not the real Sting.

THERE'S THE REAL STING!

 

Yeah, that guy clears the ring. CURT HENNIG runs down the aisle, RAVEN jumps the guardrail...but we are out of time.

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That segment ran about 7 minutes, btw. Well, that made an otherwise dull show a very good one. I'm big on surprises, and this had some good ones. Best segment was obviously the finish, and the worst was Nash squashing Rey. I hated that.

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RAW is from Des Moines, Iowa.

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The first thing on tap is Triple H vs. Ken Shamrock.

 

- There, now Ken finally has his set entrance music. Took long enough. HHH cuts a promo before the match...don't forget, Canadian Stampede is next week. Also, Jerry Lawler is back on commentary for the duration of the show.

 

- Mankind runs down the ramp, distracting HHH, and Shamrock gives HHH a belly-to-belly suplex for 3 at 4:41. **, not a bad opener.

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We look back to Ahmed Johnson joining the Nation and his subsequent injury...he blames the Undertaker for DOA injuring him, who knows why.

 

Next, Michael Cole interviews the Legion of Doom, and Sunny advertises this million dollar contest for SummerSlam. Ok.

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D'Lo Brown and Faarooq vs. the Legion of Doom is the first of two semifinal contests in the Tag Team Tournament.

 

- The Godwinns are at the top of the entrance ramp...surely they'll interfere.

 

- I hate business exposing maneuvers. Case in point, Hawk gets tossed to the buckle, D'Lo puts his head down, and Hawk doesn't run at him, for a second or two at least. Dumb dumb dumb.

 

- Anyway, LOD hits the Doomsday Device on D'LO, the referee gets distracted, and Henry Godwinn runs down to the ring. He hits Hawk in the head with the slop bucket, and Faarooq pins Hawk for 3 at 3:02. 1/2*. Faarooq wants the title shot for Canadian Stampede, but it was handed to Vader. Why? Because Vader's white, you see. Savio Vega comes down the aisle, and he has a microphone. Faarooq starts talkin' about jalapenos, so Vega calls out his new gang. OH FUCK. They attack the Nation, then DOA come down and everyone fights. Funny stuff.

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Michael Cole is with this new gang, who calls themselves Los Boricuas. They're here to kick some ASSSSS.

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Video ad for RAW magazine...then, Scott Putski takes on Brian Christopher.

 

- No, not Putski. Please. Anyway, Light Heavyweights. JR mentions that Great Sasuke will be at Canadian Stampede...oh yes. Lawler distracts Putski, which allows Christopher to pick up the victory at 3:38. **. Putski tries to attack Christopher after the match, but Lawler and Christopher give him a spike piledriver. Heh.

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Taker cuts a promo on Paul Bearer...mostly, when Bearer talks, wait to hear Taker's side of the story before judging him.

 

The Great Sasuke is facing Taka Michinoku at Canadian Stampede....

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Next match is Brian Pillman vs. Mankind w/a Pick Me Steve sign.

 

- Pillman attacked a "fan" during Shotgun Saturday Night, so obviously, he commented about it in a pre-match interview. I love Mankind's sign he wears around his neck. Mankind gives JR a present...and it's a replica of his hand, yes, the hand he gave JR a mandible claw with.

 

- Stone Cold has a few comments of his own, and he says that Mankind sucks. Funny. After the commercial, HHH hits Brian Pillman with a chair on accident, and Mankind chases HHH to the back at 6:02 (shown), getting counted out. Weird.

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Paul Bearer now makes his way to the ring...and some fan attacks him. No, really, someone did. Weird. He tells the story...and there's too much information to relay, here. Bearer does a great job at this. Well, basically, Undertaker burned the funeral home. Wow.

 

Sable has a clue for the SummerSlam Million Dollar Sweepstakes, it is...THE KEY! OMG.

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The Headbangers are taking on the British Bulldog and Owen Hart in the other Tag Team Tournament Semifinal.

- Winner faces the Nation in the final, and the winner of that faces Steve Austin and a partner of his choice.

 

- Bret Hart is on the phone...and the match is over at 4:08 after Owen gives Mosh a jackknife pin. Hey, there's JIM CORNETTE! He talks for a bit, and blows a whistle, which sends a team down to the ring...that being THE HEADHUNTERS. Ok, wow. They kick the shit out of the Headbangers, obv. A cool gimmick (in my mind) would've been Cornette introducing a new team every week, only for them to get their asses kicked and disappear forever. Maybe I'm crazy.

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Taker tells his story...Paul Bearer is not telling the full truth. Paul will be struck down.

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Rockabilly vs. Vader is right now.

 

- WHO'S DA MAN! Honky Tonk Man hits Vader with a guitar, but it does nothing. Nothing at all. After 20 seconds, Undertaker runs down, and fights with Vader, until Paul Bearer grabs a microphone. Taker runs over to Bearer, grabs him, and says that he'll kill him. Bearer says that Kane told him the story, and that Kane's alive. Vader attacks Taker, which ends the segment.

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Jim Neidhart vs. Steve Austin is the main event...

 

- Brutal. Absolutely brutal. Bret attacks Shamrock in the back, so he really wasn't in Calgary at all. Bret runs in for the DQ at 8:14, DUD. Bret applies the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR on Austin, until Mankind gives Bret the MANDIBLE CLAW. Pillman and Owen wreck Mick with chairs, and that ends the show. Boo.

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Show was decent, I suppose. Not enough build for Canadian Stampede. Best segment was probably HHH vs. Shamrock, and the worst was definitely Austin vs. Neidhart. Brutal match.

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WrestleWar '90 review will be up soon.