7 p.m.

• So here’s a tip for those who get a call from a Maury Povich producer who asks you to appear on the program. DON’T GO.

Seriously, what do you expect will happen? Your wife has a SECRET~! Gee, I wonder what it could be?

“Baby, I’ve been withholding part of my paycheck from you and I’ve been investing it into an IRA.”

“Honey, I’ve been going to night school and now I earned a Ph.D. and can now start my own licensed practice.”

“Sweetie, my office pool won the Powerball.”

“My love, I cheated on you and you might not be Junior’s daddy.”

You know the only thing worse than coming out to the Maury audience amidst a chorus of boos? Coming out to a chorus of cheers. That means you were the one cheated on.

• I wonder if she will win Ben Stein’s money? Sorry. Wait, not I’m not. That was clever. I’m sure someone else beat me to the punch line. Man was that an awesome show. Well, at least when Jimmy Kimmel was the sidekick.

Yoko Ono is suing the producers of a movie that challenges the concept of Darwinian evolution, saying they used the song "Imagine" without her permission and led the blogosphere to accuse her of "selling out."

 

In a lawsuit filed in federal court in Manhattan, Ono accuses the producers of "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" of suggesting to viewers that those who guard John Lennon's legacy somehow authorized or sponsored the film.

 

The producers of the film, which features Ben Stein challenging Darwinian theories that prevail in academic circles and suggesting that life could have emerged through intelligent design, said they used only "a very small portion of the song."

 

"Based on the fair use doctrine, news commentators and film documentarians regularly use material in the same way we do," Premise Media said in a statement. "Unbiased viewers of the film will see that the 'Imagine' clip was used as part of a social commentary in the exercise of free speech and freedom of inquiry."

 

Ono's lawsuit claims the producers did not ask for permission either because they knew they couldn't get it or because they did not want to pay for the rights. It objects to the way "Imagine" is listed in the film's credits, saying it suggested to members of the news media and others that the song's use had been approved.

 

"Internet 'bloggers' immediately began accusing Mrs. Lennon of 'selling out' by licensing the song to defendants," says the complaint, filed this week.

We used only a very small portion of the song? And that makes it OK? Actually, I’m not sure what the fair use rules are regarding documentaries, so the film might win this one. Either way, I don’t care. People in academia are fuck-ups who can’t survive in the real world. People who think God spent a week making the universe are … well, at least many of them vote for the correct candidates.

9 p.m.

• Oh please let the enviro-wackos go over to China and protest that country's use of fuel. (Note the last paragraph.)

The price of oil is likely to hit 150 dollars (Canadian, US) a barrel by 2010 and soar to 225 dollars a barrel by 2012 as supply becomes increasingly tight, a Canadian bank said Thursday.

 

The CIBC report says the International Energy Agency's current oil production estimates overstate supply by about nine percent, since it wrongly counts natural gas liquids -- which are not viable for transportation fuel -- in its numbers.

 

Analyst Jeff Rubin in his report noted accelerating depletion rates in many of the world's largest and most mature oil fields. He estimates oil production will hardly grow at all, with average daily production between now and 2012 rising by barely a million barrels per day.

 

"Whether we have already seen the peak in world oil production remains to be seen, but it is increasingly clear that the outlook for oil supply signals a period of unprecedented scarcity," said Rubin.

 

"Despite the recent record jump in oil prices, oil prices will continue to rise steadily over the next five years, almost doubling from current levels."

 

The CIBC report also notes that while production increases are at a virtual standstill, global demand continues to grow.

 

An expected drop in demand in the United States due to higher prices and a weak economy will be more than offset by demand growth in developing nations, it says.

 

Rubin cites, for example, the recent launch of Tata's 2,500-dollar car that will allow millions of households in India to soon own automobiles.

 

He also notes that car sales last year were up 60 percent in Russia, up 30 percent in Brazil and up 20 percent in China.

 

Transport fuel now accounts for half of the world's oil usage.

 

Although US oil consumption is likely to fall by over two million barrels a day over the next five years as pump prices rise, he says, more drivers on the road in Russia, China and India will surely pick up the slack in demand.

And this is why Americans need to adjust their lifestyles. I don't consider myself an enviro-wacko, but I do my best to conserve energy in a number of places. I carpool. I try to make unnecessary shopping trips. The reason for this? I don't care about the rainforest. I'm a cheap bastard and this saves money. I did this when gas was 99 and 9/10s of a cent per gallon. I will do this when gas hits $4+ per gallon this year. My vehicle of choice? An '03 Cavalier. I love watching these political ads with people bitching about gas prices. Say, didn't Democrats say in '06 that if they were elected gas prices would go down? What the dillyo?