Not really looking forward to this, but like all other shows, I'll give it a shot. Card doesn't look so great.

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First match is Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam vs. The Dudley Boys.

Blow-by-Blow: Ok, that sounds weird. RVD and Bubba start, but the referee gets distracted so that D-Von can attack from behind. Good idea. D-Von rams RVD into the buckle before tagging in Bubba, who chokes away. RVD comes back with a spinning heel kick, and a dropkick, before sending Bubba to the corner for a monkey flip. D-Von gets backdropped and clotheslined over the top, so both guys follow them to the floor. RVD with a tope con hilo, Mysterio with a plancha. D-Von and RVD continue in the ring, with an RVD enziguri. Bubba gets hit on accident by D-Von, so to counter that, he pulls RVD over the top and to the floor. After ramming RVD into the table, he sends him back in, where D-Von gives him a jawbreaker. Bubba elbowdrops RVD in the nuts, which all of a sudden fires the WWE's resident pot smoker up. RVD kicks Bubba and gives him a leg trip, allowing him to tag in Rey for the first time. Mysterio flies in with a springboard seated senton, and a springboard crossbody, which gets two. Mysterio gives Bubba a flying headscissors, but when trying the west coast pop, Bubba just tosses him onto the top rope. Ouch. D-Von slams Mysterio and gives him a legdrop, which only gets two. After we go to the chinlock for a few seconds, D-Von gives Mysterio a flying back elbow. Bubba tags in and suplexes the little guy, before they switch and D-Von chokes Mysterio with his boot. Mysterio gives D-Von a bulldog, and RVD tags in...but the referee never saw the tag. Bubba gives Mysterio a spinebuster for two, and sends Mysterio into the corner, in tree of woe position. Mysterio gives Bubba a Diamond Cutter out of that (really), and a moonsault block, which gets two. Now he's able to tag in RVD, who's blazin', dog. A spinning heel kick gets two. D-Von misses a charge to the corner, allowing RVD to give him a springboard kick. Follow it with a ROLLING THUNDER, but only got a two count. Bubba backdrops Mysterio over the top and to the floor, giving the Dudleys a chance to do their headbutt off the top thing. But nope, D-Von got crotched. Mysterio gives Bubba a broncobuster, and hurricanrana's D-Von down from the top for a two count. Bubba tosses out Mysterio, but RVD kicks Bubba so that both he and D-Von are in 619 position. 619, FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH on D-Von, so RVD and Rey pick up the pinfall victory at 15:16.

Match Analysis: This was pretty good. You know, I'd really like to see the Dudley Boys back in the WWE if they could have matches like this with regularity. I guess that's what happens when you don't get stuck with matches against teams like Cade and Jindrak, La Resistance and the like. **1/2.

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We're in Booker T's lockerroom, where he talks about how he's too good for Smackdown, and also the voodoo he'll use to defeat the Undertaker later tonight.

Now we go back to the ring, as Luther Reigns is wheeling out a large platform. All of a sudden, Kurt Angle appears in the center, while sitting in the wheelchair. After making fun of this crowd and our teams, he says that it's Torrie Wilson's fault he's sitting in this wheelchair. As such, if she loses her match tonight, she'll be forced to retire.

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So, of course, Torrie Wilson's going to face Dawn Marie right now.

Blow-by-Blow: Both ladies lock up, but Torrie pushes Dawn down to the canvas. After an un-Perfect like neck snap, she gives Dawn Marie a dropkick for two. Torrie gives her a sunset flip for 2, and a few clotheslines before ramming her into the buckle. Torrie goes up top and misses a crossbody, which leads us to a REALLY, REALLY boring segment of the match. Dawn chokes Torrie and keeps her out of the ring in boring fashion for at least two minutes, before giving her a legdrop. Back in, Torrie gives her a neckbreaker, which gets two. On a rollup attempt by Torrie, Dawn's pants come off. HOLY BUTT. That's just a bit distracting. Dawn gives Torrie a facebuster for two, but after a bit of fighting, Torrie wins the match with a backslide at 6:14.

Match Analysis: I liked seeing Dawn's BUTT. Other than that, the match was brutal. Got no problems giving this a DUD, as it was one of the more boring matches I've watched in a while.

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JBL's in the back, thanking some immigrants out there for what they do. But not all of them, as he says that everyone in this country should speak English. Stuff like that!

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Scotty 2 Hotty comes out, and...you know what time it is. The debut of Mordecai! Those two will face off.

Blow-by-Blow: What a gimmick this Mordecai is. By what a gimmick, I mean, what the fuck was the WWE thinking? For some reason, I associate this with Kevin Sullivan. Mordecai tosses Scotty around, before choking him a whole lot. After ramming Scotty into the post, back to the choke we go. A running boot follows, so Scotty decides he had better get some offense in. After a superkick and facebuster, he looks to do the WORM. But Mordecai tosses Scotty into the second rope. Clothesline, Razor's Edge, match over at 3:02. What a huge victory for this debuting youngster.

Match Analysis: 1/2* for the Razor's Edge. Glad this gimmick was ditched in short fashion. Super dumb.

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Chavo Guerrero and Chavo Classic are in the back, as Jacqueline is giving Chavo Jr. a present. It's a bra and panties! That's cause Chavo's going to be in need of them after being beaten by a woman or something. Chavo Classic checks the sizes as Chavo Jr. and Jackie talk...I laughed.

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Next up, we have Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly facing Rico and Charlie Haas w/Miss Jackie for the WWE Tag Team Titles.

Blow-by-Blow: I like Rico. He's a funny guy. He grabs BUTT, which makes both opponents bail. Haas and Holly start, with a Haas fireman's carry. He trips Holly, but Holly responds with a shoulderblock. When trying another shoulderblock, Haas gives him an armdrag and tags in Rico. Rico goes behind...which brings Gunn in. Rico wanted to place a kiss on his lips, but Gunn ran away. Rico then grabs Gunn's BUTT to break a headlock, before riding Gunn like a rose and making him act like he was going to suck Rico's dick. Seriously. Haas now tags in, and Holly hits him, letting Gunn get a cover for two. Holly gives Haas a suplex for two, before tagging in Gunn, who rams Haas into the buckle. Holly's back in, and to the chinlock he goes. A sign in the crowd says that this match is a DUD. I don't agree, but it's close! Holly gives Haas a dropkick, and that nutshot of his at the ropes. Ouch? We move forward to a Holly slam, but when he comes off the top, he eats Haas' boot. Rico makes the hot tag, and he's flaming. I tried to go along with the blazin' thing from the RVD match, ya know? After a Rico inverted atomic drop, Haas comes in, only for Rico to be given the FAMEASSER. Haas gives Gunn a GERMAN SUPLEX in response, which brings Holly in. Haas tries a sunset flip, but Holly won't go down, so Rico superkicks Holly, allowing Haas to get the pinfall win at 10:27.

Match Analysis: The only thing really redeeming about the match was the comedy. Seeing as I thought it was funny, I'll go with *...but I'll also say, if someone says this is the dumbest shit they've ever seen, I wouldn't argue with them. Humor is subjective.

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Part #2 begins, and after a promo with Paul Bearer and the Undertaker, we have Chavo Guerrero Jr. w/Chavo Classic vs. Jacqueline for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.

Blow-by-Blow: Bring back Chavo Classic plz. Anyway, Chavo has to wrestle with one arm tied behind his back. Chavo gives Jackie three backbreakers, showing his dominance. Jackie replies with a headscissors, which takes Chavo to the apron. Jackie jumps on Chavo's back, but he backs up into the corner. Jackie kicks him for two, before knocking Classic down from the apron. A Jackie lowblow and sunset flip get two, so Chavo Jr. bails. Classic goes up behind him, and oh, he untied Chavo Jr's hand. Chavo needs to act like the hand is still tied up, so he does, of course. Chavo clotheslines Jackie pretty hard, then as Chavo Classic distracts, he gives Jackie a GORY BOMB. The cover gets three at 4:45. After the match, Chavo grabs a microphone, and says that everyone shouldn't have laughed at him. Then Chavo Classic kicks Jackie in the gut, before they leave.

Match Analysis: What was this, exactly? Boy, some of the stuff on this PPV is really retarded. I'll go with 1/2*. I don't understand why this stuff can't be on Smackdown and why Chavo couldn't face an actual cruiserweight. But whatever.

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Rene Dupree is up against...John Cena, for the United States Championship.

Blow-by-Blow: Cena wears a James Worthy(!) jersey to the ring, before rapping. Bring that back, plz. They lock-up, but a Cena punch to Dupree makes him bail out. Cena gives Dupree a Thesz Press, before some knees and a backdrop. A clothesline sends Dupree out, so Cena gives him a headbutt. Dupree rams Cena into the post, before a few kicks and punches. In we go, and Dupree gives Cena a backbreaker for two. Dupree applies a bearhug, but Cena gives him a jawbreaker to end the hold. Cena follows it up with a gutshot, and a clothesline. Sidewalk slam, and Cena tries the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE...but he misses. Dupree gives Cena a chokeslam, and dances, before trying an elbowdrop. It misses. Dupree gives Cena a DDT, and then tries a rollup. But instead, Cena tries an F-U, but a Dupree neckbreaker gets two. Cena gives Dupree a backdrop, and sits down on Dupree during a sunset flip attempt for another two count. A backslide gets two, then Dupree misses a charge to the corner, so we've got an F-U for the pinfall at 9:56. Cena gives away the Worthy jersey after the match...pick me!

Match Analysis: This was far better than I expected. Was surprised to see very little restholds, and rather quick spots. Didn't think Dupree had it in him. We'll go with *** as the rating for this match.

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After a Kenzo Suzuki (ha) vignette, we move forward to Booker T vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer.

Blow-by-Blow: After a lock-up, both trade punches, until a Booker kick does nothing. Then Taker gives him a clothesline, before ramming him into the buckle and shoulder-charging into him a few times. After a Taker sidewalk slam, a big legdrop follows for a two count. Taker sends Booker over the top with a clothesline, but back in, a Booker missile dropkick got a two count. After some Booker rights, Booker goes over to his bag of dust in the corner. Yeah, the voodoo shit. Taker punches away, and it's time for OLD SCHOOL. After a DOWNWARD SPIRAL from the Deadman, he goes for the LAST RIDE. But, Booker gets out of it and flies into the official. So, we've got a ref bump. After he throws dirt into Taker's eye, nothing really happens, because Taker no-sold it. Taker gives Booker an avalanche, but misses a charge to the corner, leading Booker to go to work on the knee. Booker rams Taker's leg into the post before doing the same into the steps, then gives Taker a harlem sidekick, for a two count. Taker punches away, but Booker gives Taker a nice scissors kick, which also gets two. Taker sits up, big boot, CHOKESLAM, TOMBSTONE, all over at 11:27. Just like that.

Match Analysis: Wasn't the best, but still acceptable. Fits right in with the "what are they doing" aspect, because really, what's up with this voodoo stuff? While acceptable, less than pleasing. *3/4. Of course, at the Great American Bash, Taker would move on to pouring cement on Paul Bearer, and Booker moved onto the Best of 5 thing with John Cena. Was that any good? I wasn't watching then.

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Finally, after a whole bunch of trash on this card, we've got John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Championship. Remember, JBL made Eddie's mom have a heart attack.

Blow-by-Blow: JBL's promo before the match is pretty offensive. I'm not offended, but I'm sure someone out there was. Anyway, Eddie comes right into the ring and punches away at JBL, before sending him into the steel steps. Next, Eddie rams JBL into the ringpost, and then the announce table. He chokes away with a TV cord, and after a few rights, JBL decides to leave. Eddie jumps JBL in the aisle, and assualts him, to end that thought. Back towards the ring, JBL sends Eddie into the steel steps. Ouch. In we go, and we've got a JBL big boot. An elbowdrop gets two, so JBL goes to the knees and chops. After whipping Eddie hard into the buckle, JBL takes him over with a headlock. A shoulderblock follows, and we go back to the headlock. Another shoulderblock follows, but Eddie armdrags the challenger twice, taking him out of the ring. Eddie flies out with a pescado, but JBL catches him on the way down and gives him a fallaway slam. On the floor. Eddie charges at JBL after some chops, but JBL backdrops him onto the Spanish announce table. JBL gives Eddie a neckbreaker on the inside for two, and then a reverse backdrop. You know, a backdrop where the guy lands on his stomach. Got two. To a bearhug we go, but Eddie quickly whips JBL into the buckle. Dropkick...and the THREE AMIGOS come shortly after, except there are only two of them. Instead, JBL tried a powerbomb, only to have it reversed into a move that caused the referee to get knocked out. Eddie backdrops JBL over the top rope, and tells the announcers to get out of the way. He slides JBL across the announce table, but JBL gets up and whacks Eddie in the head with a chair. Wow, we call that tapping an artery. Eddie is just GUSHING blood. JBL picks up the steel steps and hits Eddie with them, before giving him the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL back inside the ring. Referee is still out, but another referee counts the fall...but we only saw two. Eddie drop-toe holds JBL into our new ref, so when JBL gives Eddie a big boot and powerbomb, that referee isn't there to count. But the original one is, and he counts two. To a sleeper JBL goes, as you can see Eddie wearing, literally, a crimson mask. Now that I've seen this match, this is going to be one of the lasting moments I have of Eddie. Eddie reverses the sleeper into a back suplex, and he also reverses JBL's fallaway slam into a DDT. Picking up momentum...but he misses the FROG SPLASH. Bradshaw grabs the WWE Title and a steel chair, but hands the chair to the referee. What's that about? Oh wait, he was getting the referee to put the chair back, for distraction. But, Eddie kicks him in the nuts, and hits him with the WWE Title for the disqualification at 23:12. I think I can forgive that one. After the match, Eddie just beats the shit out of JBL. Figuratively speaking. Chairshots all over the place make JBL bleed, then he hits the FROG SPLASH on his second attempt. JBL tried to leave, but Eddie jumps him and punches away at him in the aisle. INTENSE! To break things up, Arn Anderson and Dean Malenko(!) among others come out, ending the show.

Match Analysis: Wow, that was pretty good. About just as good as everyone makes it out to be. Not saying it was the best match ever or anything, but I was still pleasantly surprised. Eddie can have a good match with anyone. Had everything, that being good wrestling, blood, and viciousness. I'm still going to take a bit off of the rating, so we've got a ***3/4 match here.

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Rating: Bad. I can try to convince myself that it isn't, but that would be kinda hard. We've got three, maybe four matches someone could've called a DUD. I can't ignore that. It's not like our midcard action was on fire. Honestly, I would never have ordered this card, even though I really liked Eddie Guerrero. Most of the matchups are trash. All but the last two matches could've and should've been on Smackdown.

Best Segment: Eddie/JBL post-match beatdown. Yeah.

Worst Segment: Scotty 2 Hotty/Mordecai squash. While Torrie/Dawn Marie was bad, we got BUTT. I love BUTT.

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As usual, I didn't rate and take notes on the early 1980's MSG show. So the next review will just have the one from 8/22/1987, and that should be up on Saturday. I'll do No Way Out 2008: Elimination Chambers Galore after that.