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10/30: Getting Your Phill At A Buffet

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9 p.m.


• OK, here is why I stay married.


Mrs. kkk isn’t much into baseball. In fact, she can’t stand the sport. Too boring, she says. However, this postseason had her hop on the Rays bandwagon. Well, not really. But when the World Series began she starting cheering for the former Satan Fish. Why? Because they were playing a team from Philadelphia.


She hates ANYTHING from Philadelphia. Why? Because that is the town that used to be run by former mayor, and current governor, Ed Rendell. It’s actually amusing to hear her yell “Fatass!” every time Fast Eddie appears on television. And it’s equally amusing to hear her ask questions about baseball. Last night I was upstairs messing around on the computer figuring out bills, and when I came downstairs there she was watching the last half-inning of the World Series. It was odd to share the following conversation with her:


“What does ‘pinch-run’ mean?”




“Tampa. They said they brought in a pinch runner.”


“That means they replaced the current person on base with someone else.”




“Because that person is probably a faster runner and can steal a base or reach third base on the next hit.”


“Isn’t that cheating?”






Hopefully this will mean whenever I have a baseball game playing on the television next year she won’t be so quick to bitch. Probably not.


• If he actually did take food without paying then congrats on the buffet’s management for having the balls to do something about it. Now if the spineless upper management bitches don’t wilt under the pressure to play nice everything will be gravy.


Being a cheapskate could get you in trouble with the law. Fulton County authorities arrested 40-year-old Dan Linscomb of Texas City, Texas, last week for refusing to pay his tab at the all-you-can-eat Iron Skillet buffet in northwest Atlanta. Officials say Linscomb ate at the buffet and let his girlfriend eat from his plate.


The restaurant charged him for two $7 meals, which he refused to pay. Linscomb was taken to the Fulton County Jail on a charge of theft of service. Fulton County Sheriff's Sgt. Nikita Hightower said Linscomb was released two days later after pleading guilty to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct.


Linscomb could not be reached for comment. Restaurant officials declined comment.


I know time are rough in this DREADED BUSH ECONOMY, but pay the seven goddamn dollars. Even I’m not that cheap.


• While many remember Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album for its "No Vaseline" diss track aimed at NWA, others took offense to the less-than-a-minute interludey "Black Korea" (with the "Oriental one-penny-counting motherfuckers"). However, my favorite song out of all them was "A Bird In The Hand."



Honorable mention goes to "My Summer Vacation."



• Since I'm in an early 1990s Ice Cube kick, here's a song from a while back that I couldn't find the first time around for whatever reason. And I still don't want that piece of shit Bryant Gumbel.


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What I forgot to mention is that when the Phillies won, she bust out a string of expletives because she knew Rendell had to be somewhere cheering. I still don't understand when/how she became more partisan than me.


Another story: On Sunday during the Steeler game she asked what a "safety" was. I tried to explain to her what it was (the 2 points, not the position), and she said "that just seems weird" and added that she wanted to see one. She went upstairs. A few minutes later the Steelers backup long snapper, well, you know...

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