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the bullshit

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Well here is the whole story. Please give advice.

 

My girl of 2 and 1/2 years recently starting hanging out with this group of people. It's a mixed group, guys and girls. I've never hung out with them, cuz they aren't my type of people(getting drunk, acting like children). She started hanging out with them about 4 months ago and I immediately saw a change in her. Less sex, less touching, and an overall obsession with these people.

 

Well about 3 months ago we had a big discussion about it and she told me that she is feeling less attracted to me and stuff. I told her that we shouldn't move into a new place with a new 1 year lease if she thinks something is about to happen. She agreed and said nothing would happen. So we signed the lease, big mistake.

 

The sex stopped, the touching stopped. She became more obsessed with these people and other guys in general. I noticed this so began watching what went down on my computer. I saw some foul shit. She was complaining to a guy that she feels trapped and just wants to get out and live her life and stuff like that. When I approached her about it, she said she felt that way, but wanted to work on it. Note at this point we had been working on it for months now. She said she is really confused on "just needs to figure things out". OK.

 

I think her major motivation for wanting to work on it is money. Without me she would have to move out of the nice duplex we rent, and would lose the use of my computer. She says it is a factor, but she loves me and thats the main factor. I honestly am not sure if I buy that. She says she loves me more as a friend now but wants things to back to how they were. But she still is obsessed with her friends and puts me in 2nd place. All she does all night long is talk to them on the internet about god knows what, she never really wants to interact with me. I want to give her time to work on it, but I think she is just dragging me along at this point. I have no idea what I should do.

 

At this point she refuses to talk about it, and says "she doesn't want that stuff dragging her day down". I really think it would be best for me to just move out and not speak with her. I think thats what she would want if she didn't have to move and would still have access to the internet. This has been killing me for months now, and it sucks that I can't talk about it with her, without her getting mad and just leaving. Advice?

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bigm350

I'd question her about the stuff that has been bothering you. You said that when you do question her about things, that she gets upset and doesn't want to talk about it. Well, I think you have to take that chance, to see if you're in a relationship worth saving.

 

My wife does the same things as your girlfriend, but to a much lesser extent. She chats with friends online, but not all day and night, and she goes out with friends that I have nothing in common with, maybe once every few weeks, so most times I don't go out with them. When I called her out on some things, she cut back on her 'me' time, and I cut back on being an overbearing ass.

 

If you call her out on the things that have been bothering you, then you'll know if you either made the right choice or the wrong choice. Hope it works out for you.

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Carnival

thanks, it sounds like your wife was willing to compromise. I've tried, my girl is NOT! And part of the reason I don't want to call her out on stuff is I don't want her to see be as an overbearing ass. Which she has seen me as in the past. I've stopped that stuff, but she has just gotten worse and worse. It's like me calling her out all the time was slowing her down, she told me to stop bitching about all that, and I did for months straight and it seems that has given her free reign to go nuts.

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bigm350
thanks, it sounds like your wife was willing to compromise. I've tried, my girl is NOT! And part of the reason I don't want to call her out on stuff is I don't want her to see be as an overbearing ass. Which she has seen me as in the past. I've stopped that stuff, but she has just gotten worse and worse. It's like me calling her out all the time was slowing her down, she told me to stop bitching about all that, and I did for months straight and it seems that has given her free reign to go nuts.

 

Well, if I was in your situation, I'd try to reason with her and get her to understand where you're coming from maybe one last time. If she refused, I would probably tell her we're through. Maybe that would get it through to her that you're tired of dealing with the bullshit, and maybe make her come around. If not, then I think you'd be better off telling her to take a hike.

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Coffey

It's ultimatum time. You wanna talk about what's going on? It sounds to me like you have a crystal clear picture of what's happening. You explained it pretty thoroughly in this blog.

 

"Hey, we need to talk. Right now. What's going on?"

 

If she gives you the shoulder again, one statement puts it all into perspective. "Pack your shit." Sometimes you'll have to be a cold, heartless bastard to get your point across.

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