• Judge Samuel Alito was just confirmed as the newest Supreme Court Justice. Elsewhere, Wal-Mart is running a special on rusty coat hangers and signs that read “Whites Only.” What makes me laugh about this whole event is that if Alito really was as awful as Ted Kennedy and Chuck Schumer made him out to be, then how in the world did he ever get to become a federal judge in the first place? Better yet, how did he manage to graduate from law school?

I guess it’s only fitting since civil rights, for all intents and purposes, died with the Alito confirmation that Coretta Scott King, widow of Martin Luther King Jr., passed away on the very same day. Could this be an omen of things to come? Well, as someone who loves dirty air and water, tax cuts for the rich, and seeing old people survive on cat food and dumpster scraps, I certainly hope so.

Even though I’m giddy with how the Supreme Court is shaping up, there is something that annoyed me regarding RIGHT-WING RADIO during recent Supreme Court confirmation processes. Just about every national talk-show host I listened to said Alito and John Roberts before him “ran rings around the liberals questioning him.” Well I should sure hope so. If you can’t outwit Ted Kennedy or outsmart Diane Feinstein, then you have no business being a civil servant, let alone a Supreme Court Justice. I would hope that even a liberal like Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be able to hold her own in an argument with these same people, and I’m sure she could; that is if she actually answered any questions posed to her.

Justice Alito, enjoy the perks of your new lifetime appointment. And remember when the next time a bunch of far-sighted Jews claim they were disenfranchised in the voting booth, think back to who got you this cushy gig. Seriously, is there any better job than to be a Supreme Court Justice? You’re paid to sit down and write opinions all day that nobody can overrule except for five of your eight colleagues. Future courts could also override what you deemed constitutional or unconstitutional, but by the time this actually happens you’ll be long dead and nobody will care.

• In California, an an ex-postal worker recently killed six former co-workers before committing suicide. What is up with postal workers hating their jobs? From the want ads I’ve seen regarding vacant post office positions, the pay is more than fair. In addition, it’s a government job, so there has to be good benefits along with some other perks. Why do these people go nuts? Earlier this month I was at a local post office near my workplace to purchase some of those hippie 2-cent stamps, and the cashier whose register I approached to make the transaction was flipping out to his supervisor about how a co-worker expected him to weigh letters for her while he was still waiting on his customers. In hindsight, I don’t think it was a good idea for me to say in front of his supervisor, “give me $50 and I’ll slash her tires,” but at least it shut him up for the rest of the time I was there.

One thing I really hate about the post office is that when you go in there to have a letter weighed and sent out they always ask you if you want to buy stamps. No I don’t want to buy any goddamn stamps; I just don’t want to play a guessing game of how many stamps I have to put on my parcel if it’s not in the conventional first-class 39-cent envelope. However, one thing I hate even more than this is when you’re in line and the customer in front of you answers yes to the same question I mentioned above. These people then take at least 20 minutes trying to decide between the stamps with the American Flag pictured on them or the stamps with the Stature of Liberty prominently featured. What’s the difference? Just order your stamps, pay for them and leave. Oh, and if you get run over by a car in the lot, that would be great, too.

Then again, maybe it is customers like this that make these government workers go postal, which if that is the case then I totally sympathize with their plight. Just one request should you go on a shooting spree: Before offing yourself, make sure to take out a few customers, too.