• Over at the other place LessoninMachismo made the following remark concerning my recent b-day. “Happy birthday to kkk, who is weighing his options: Is a FREE piece of cake and/or scoop of ice cream worth having eight jackasses in red polos singing to you in front of a restaurant full of strangers?” It’s true that I’m a cheap bastard, but even I have my limits. Like I told him over there, when the better half and I began our courtship we agreed on two things that I think are imperative for any relationship to succeed. Forget all that hippie fidelity, love and other mushy shit, we agreed on much more important matters. The first was if we were ever to be married we agreed not to shove wedding cake in each other’s faces at the wedding reception. The second was under NO CIRCUMSTANCES were we to let any of those cookie-cutter chain restaurants know if it was the other person’s birthday. I’m sorry, but if Nicole would have let the staff of Applebee’s know of O.J.’s birthday one night they were dining there I would have acquitted The Juice in a New York minute. Fortunately, neither one of us has broken our word on these two promises we made to each other years ago.

• Jimmy Rollins of the Phillies is making a run at Joe DiMaggio’s consecutive hit record. The problem is he’s doing it over the course of two seasons (the end of last season and the start of this season), while DiMaggio had his 56-game streak take place over the course of one season. The question now is if Rollins can reach, or even surpass, DiMaggio’s record, should it count? I’ve heard that it won’t, but I figure what the heck; to me it seems harder to end one season with a 30-game hit streak (or whatever Rollins had at the time) and start the next season with a 30-game hit streak. If the Baseball Gods want to put an asterisk by Rollins’ record, that’s fine, too. This just in: Rollins’ streak is over. Oh well. I’m still keeping this paragraph.

• Well Eminem and ex/current/recent/whatever-the-hell-she-is-now wife have called it splitsville, again. I guess that’s what you get when you say on a record you’re going to kill the bitch and dump her corpse in a river and don’t follow through.

• For the weekend of March 31-April 2, Larry the Cable Guy’s movie made as much money as did Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct sequel ($3.2 million each). The sad thing is I’m not sure which moviegoer got the better deal.

• For all you commies out there that bitch whenever you find out how much a CEO makes, this should be right up your alley. Coke is now paying executives for actual performance, rather than just throwing them into a pool of money. I never really cared how much CEO’s make, although I do have a bit of a problem when a company pays some dipshit for running the business into the ground. There’s a difference between that and a CEO who takes charge of a company slated to lose $100 million in the next fiscal year, but due to his new policies/etc. the company only loses $10 million and gets on the path for financial profit. Pay the man in that instance. But don’t reward incompetence, which is was U.S. Air did with years of upper management figureheads that did nothing but screw up the company even more over the years, which eventually helped cause that airline to go belly-up.