I would like to assume that people read my aptly titled, 'ramblings' because they have a interest in my content or because there's not much content to be found around these parts. Either way...

I noticed a theme regarding my comments, from the wise men of TSM and their sage words. You haven't yet begun". It's true, I guess. I am only 20 and supposedly that earns me at least 8-10 more years of sheer stupidity before I finally wake up and realize it.

I was thinking this morning, while I was working, about my friend. The friend, who unquestionably has seen her life take a dramatic change by one little action.

Made me wonder, there was a time that me and her were seemingly destined for something beyond friendship and it was apparently impossible to not see, according to everyone else.

Obviously, that world isn't going to happen now. (Child or no child).

Here is the thing that is crushing me at this moment, why don't I care? She was my best friend and her world is changing now and I can't find it in me, to feel anything. Not even, sympathy.

The thing that is on my mind constantly...Is missing that one girl. My best friend, the one who rescued me from drowning in my pool of misery last summer and gave me new blood.

I miss her...intensely. We never had that straight-forward 'break-up'. It's hard to say if we were ever your classic boyfriend/girlfriend but it was something magical in its own right. She's off hours away from here. I saw her a couple weeks ago and despite one incredible night...it just reminded us that we're not together.

I know I'm out most people's league. I'm fairly average, at best. I don't posess anything that is seemingly desirable for a girl, much less this incredible blond beauty who completely lives up to the cliche of "shines her light on you". My last two girlfriends (her and my most recent ex) were completely incredible and I probably set the bar freaking high now. Of course, one cheated on me. The other, had to leave me.

Maybe that is poetic justice, get the right girl but that girl will be gone before I am ready. I wonder if me and my best friend/lover didn't have this distance between us...would we be still special or does the distance enhance this perfect feeling that she gives me.

I wonder, if my ex did us a favor first...because I know I would have made her cry instead and I'd rather cry a river before I ever let a tear shed down her cheeks.

Another close friend of mine, told me "You are too busy solving our problems for you to even realize, the only question is you"

The scary thing is? The goddamn asshole is right. The only thing I cant answer is myself.