• The Republicans are pissing me off again. Look, I feel your pain because you are the majority party with $3 gas at the pumps. Of course you’re going to get blamed for this. However, don’t insult my intelligence with these hippie $100 rebates some of you bastards are thinking of doing. Sure you guys have tried to increase refinement capacity and other such things, only to have the enviro-weenies and libs beat back these attempts. You may no longer be the party of “small government,” but please, don’t treat your constituency like those welfare leeches who think we can be bought off with some $100 kickback. If you want to buy me off, you’ll have to add a few more zeros to that amount.

Oh who the hell am I kidding? Remember that tantrum I threw a while back because the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review jewed me out of a few dollars? Well, I gave in after a telephone call offered me 33 percent off a subscription. God I’m such a whore.

• Miami Dolphins player Jason Taylor recently got stabbed in some road-rage incident, and now the other motorist is being charged with a HATE CRIME. Really? I thought Taylor got stabbed because he wouldn’t sign an autograph for this guy. Here is why I think “hate crime legislation” is retarded; can’t we lock this schmuck up for, oh, the other things he did (allegedly, of course) during this incident?

According to a Davie police report, Taylor and his wife Katina were driving south on Flamingo Road when he noticed a red pickup truck coming toward his car as it backed up eastbound across State Road 84's westbound lanes. Taylor honked at the truck and the two vehicles avoided a crash.

 

Taylor was then driving behind the truck, which was traveling at 10 miles per hour, when he tried to pass on the left. As Taylor passed, the truck intentionally swerved toward him, causing his car to run off the road.

 

The truck and Taylor's car stopped at Southwest 130th Avenue and Eighth Street. The report states an unidentified passenger in the truck then got out and banged on Taylor's car trunk.

 

Burns, who was driving the truck, also emerged and used racial obscenities and threatened to kill Taylor. The 5-11, 168-pound Burns then retrieved an unknown metal object from his truck and tried to stab the 6-6, 255-pound Taylor, the report said.

 

As he backed away from Burns, Taylor was cut on his left forearm.

 

Taylor drove after the truck, calling 911 in the process, after it fled but lost site of the vehicle inside a trailer park. Taylor later identified Burns from a photo lineup, leading to his apprehension at a trailer in the 13200 block of SW 7th Place.

 

During the arrest, Burns kicked and punched an officer and later kicked at a window in a police car until being pepper-sprayed by officers, the report said.

One thing I did not know was that Taylor’s wife is Zach Thomas’ sister. Wonder how those two met? I heard about this story earlier today on the radio, and the news guy said Taylor is “half-white,” which makes me wonder if the 100 years this redneck will face in jail for saying “nigger” while breaking the law will be cut in half. Maybe the defense can argue that Burns was calling Taylor’s white half “nigger.” Who knows. Who cares.