• Be warned that the hippie in me has broken out of his cell and is on the loose within my fingers frantically typing away. This is why I will never understand hunters or fishermen. Lookie, here’s a rare instance of a wild hybrid polar/grizzly bear. Wait, IT’S COMING RIGHT FOR US! Blast away. Hey, I just reeled in a 54-pound fish. What am I going to do with it? Well, let’s "Chop it up and feed it to the skunks and possum.” Can’t we just leave wild animals alone; we kill enough life already to fill up our bellies -- do we really need to go out and find more when there’s a perfectly acceptable meat department at your local grocery store?

• As I type this entry I’ve got Dr. Laura on and this chick just said that her husband got arrested and is in jail charged with the delinquency of a minor and she doesn’t know what to do. Her parents want her to divorce the guy, who’s also a junkie, but she wants to give him “the benefit of the doubt.” Oh, and she also has a nine-month old kid. Who the fuck are these people that call in to this show? This caller brings back a memory of one of better half’s friends who years ago was in a relationship with a guy that got convicted and served time for the same thing this caller’s hubby stands accused of. (Or was it getting convicted for “corrupting the morals of a minor?”) In the case of the better half’s friend, the initial charge was a rape allegation by two high school girls, but when that couldn’t be proved (I think because neither one could remember what happened, or that the DNA evidence was messed up due to them banging other people, too), this guy, who was 21-22 years of age, did get convicted for supplying these two high school girls with alcohol. There were two great payoffs in this whole fiasco. First, Mrs. kkk’s friend stuck by her man for the trial (although she broke up with him afterward) and was photographed on the front page of the newspaper walking toward the courtroom with the alleged rapist. Secondly, this guy’s dad was a local public official, and when the next election came around he lost his seat to someone else. (He was a Democrat for those keeping score at home.) Yet another reason not to get a chick drunk and then have sex with her. Besides, I have heard that knockout pills work better anyway.

• Speaking of drunk bitches, during the summer going into my junior year of high school I spent a few weeks at my half-brother’s California apartment, where he lived with his girlfriend at the time, Jessica. Well, Jessica had this one friend who was the “party animal” of her group. One night the three of them went out to some bar or club, and since I was under-age I didn’t tag along. They returned sometime around midnight or 1 a.m., and Jess’s friend was shit-faced and in no condition to walk, let alone drive. I was sleeping on the couch and Jessica whipped out some pull-out mattress and had her friend sleep on that in the living room, which was the room I was sleeping in as well. A short time later I heard someone trudging about, and I looked around to see what was going on. This chick was spinning around in what appeared to be a state of disorientation. Finally, she just plopped onto the couch right on top of me. Instead of feeling her up or doing some other naughty act, I was more concerned about getting the hell out of there for several reasons. 1) The cushions were squished and my back was up against a wooden frame, which hurt like hell. 2) If she would have thrown up, well, that wouldn’t have been good. Anyway, I’m not sure how long it took, but I eventually got to wiggle myself free and spent the rest of the night on her mattress. When she eventually woke up she simply got up and left. When Jessica came out of her bedroom, she asked why I was laying where I was. After telling her of my night’s events, she laughed and called her friend up, who had no recollection of any of this. That’s all I got. Thank you drive-thru.