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5/25: #99, Sweet 16

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kkktookmybabyaway

Entry posted by kkktookmybabyaway ·

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KKK's Top 103 Posters

 

Number 99: Jessie Ewiak

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I have stopped going into the CE folder (or whatever it’s being called nowadays) for quite a while, which is a shame because for the longest time it was by far the most entertaining place for discussion and debate. Did I just say “discussion and debate”? What I meant to say was that for the longest time the CE folder was by far the most entertaining place for name-calling, flame-baiting and overall juvenile behavior. While there were many people (like me) who limited most of their posts to a smart-ass (and often unfunny) remark or two per post, there were some who tried to do more. One of these people was Jessie Ewiak, and surprisingly he was a favorite of mine. When he wasn’t explaining to members of the Conservative Brigade why the polls favored Kerry over Bush in ’04, he was wanking to one of the few elections Democrats did manage win that year. Also, when it came to talking about the Swift Boat Vets and the *coughallegedcough* cBS forged memos about Bush’s National Guard Service, Jessie was blog-tastic. In fact, the one thing I don’t like about Jessie is that he didn’t post more, because I really did enjoy reading his take on a variety of issues, even if I didn’t agree with them. So in the spirit of bipartisanship, even though I wish that all of the people Jessie votes for in the ’06 elections lose, I want them to lose by really small vote margins. Sadly, with the two of us living in Pennsylvania (him up in Erie, me down in Shittsburgh), I’m afraid that there will be quite a few people on his ballot taking congratulatory phone calls from political opponents later this year.

 

And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.

 

From SFA Jack:

I agree with his CE stuff even less than Eric's. Jesse might be insane in his beliefs, but his posts are pretty articulate, his opinions are well-formed and he seems to be pretty keen on things in the news. So, no matter how much I might disagree with him I've got to respect him for that.

 

• So last night I was watching the Hurricanes/Sabers game and they just ended the first period. With the Suns/Mavericks game yet to begin I decided to do some channel surfing, which is what any guy would do given the circumstances. So there I was flipping away when I came across MTV and this “Sweet 16” show. Wondering what the hell this was I put the remote down, which was my first mistake. I’ve never heard of this show before, but apparently it’s about spoiled brats and what they do for their 16th birthday. This episode focused on a chick named Alexa and her getting ready for the big day. The show started out with her giving away invitations right outside her house with a staff of security guards trying to keep the crowd of (she estimated) 400 in order. Once the invitations were given out, tragedy struck. Her boyfriend, Manny, broke up with her. It only got worse from there. To celebrate her becoming a woman, the family was going to rent out a hotel reception hall and decorate it in a Arabian motif, complete with belly dancers and snake charmers. However, there was a problem: Her mother didn’t like the centerpieces Alexa picked out. Then later on when she went out by the beach to take some glamour shots, the wind picked up, discombobulating the angel wings that were set up on her back. This hardship was so trying that she began crying over this. But all this paled to what happened later, when it was time for her to go car shopping with her dad. She picked this automobile and wanted it right then and there. Daddy, though, didn’t oblige because he was playing the negotiating game with the salesman over the $41,000 price tag. This brought on another wave of tears.

 

When it came time for the big day, Alexa was in for a rude awakening. Her mother purchased the centerpieces that she liked, not the ones Alexa preferred. To add insult to injury, Louis the Event Planner didn’t have time to replace them, so Alexa had to deal with these monstrosities that cost $3,000 less than the centerpieces she wanted. Note I didn’t say they cost $3,000 – they cost $3,000 LESS. All throughout the preparation process, Alexa kept saying how she wanted to impress her ex-boyfriend, who was in attendance, and on her big day everything was going wrong, leaving Manny unimpressed. But then it all turned around for our little Alexa. Dressed as a belly dancer, she gyrated in front of a packed audience, showing Manny what he was missing. When it was all said and done, Manny had a change of heart and said to her, “I wouldn’t mind getting back with you.” Oh but the laugh was on him, because Alexa said that she no longer wanted to be with him. You go girl. Then her father took Alexa outside to show her the car he bought – the same vehicle that she cried about not getting earlier in the episode. As if that wasn’t enough, her dad also got her a diamond-encrusted Rolex watch, to which she said, as her dad gave it to her, “Fuck the car, dude, check out my watch.” Manny, still heartbroken after being rejected by Alexa just minutes ago, said on camera, “”I could have been driving that car.”

 

Oh by the way, this wasn’t really Alexa’s 16th birthday; it was her 15th. God only knows what’s going to happen when she turns 21. And I will never watch this show again, partly because I don’t want to know if Alexa is one of the more or less extreme cases of this show.

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Chazz

You're not missing anything by not watching The Sweet 16 Show. Actually, you are better off. Your head would probably explode.

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Hawk 34

Actually, Alexa was rather tame. I have seen some normal chicks though but those are far and between.

 

I don't even remember my 16th birthday. I'm pretty sure it was just dinner with the family and some money. I know I already had my sister's old car, so there was no drama and hope there.

 

Come to think it, aside from my 5th (wrestling show) 9th(UC Basketball game) 19th(met my ex) and 20th birthday(a very lovely time with my other ex)...they all sucked or were just meaningless

 

I won't even make a stink about my 21st. I don't drink so whats the big deal. I'm more looking forward to my 25th birthday.

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kkktookmybabyaway
Actually, Alexa was rather tame.

 

That's f'n scary. I don't fault the parents for spending their disposable income on lavish things like a "quince" celebration; I fault them for turning their spawn into little cretins, though.

 

I can't remember what I did on my 16th, although I'm sure it was nothing. My 21st was a fizzle because a group of us had planned a trip to D.C. (not due to my b-day -- it just happened to be during this time) on that weekend and it fell through at the last second because of some b.s. C'est la vie.

 

There's nothing much of note when you hit a quarter-century, either. My next big one is four-and-a-half years from now when I can officially run for President.

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kkktookmybabyaway

Christ. It looks like Alexa is one of the more oppressed teens on this show. From TSM's favorite columnist Brent Bozell:

 

The current king of bad "reality" TV concepts has to be MTV, with dreadful shows like "Date My Mom," where a young man dates three mothers first to figure out which daughter he wants to date. But one real stinker of a show is called "My Super Sweet 16," in which extravagantly rich and bratty teenagers are awarded lavish 16th birthday parties from their embarrassingly servile parents, who ought to be too ashamed to show their faces on television, except shame for them is an entirely foreign concept.

 

It goes without saying that teenagers in general today are generally wealthier, heavier, lazier, and often times sleazier. MTV's "Sweet 16" preys on this sloth and delivers role models for it. After watching these punks gorge themselves on conspicuous consumption, children watching probably want to emulate them, while their parents, if they watch, would want to slap these brats into the next zip code.

 

MTV follows the spoiled teenagers around town as they plan their overweening celebrations costing as much as $200,000. They gloat over how their parties will display their greatness, obsess over who can come (and more importantly, who cannot), whine, cry, and fight with their parents, and traipse through fancy auto dealerships trolling for their first cars. The show's producer, Nina Diaz, explained to the New York Times that ego trips and extravagance are required. "We're looking for the parties to be over the top, and we're looking for originality," she explained.

 

The teen divas on the show aren't all female -- one of them was the son of top soul-music producer L.A. Reid -- but the girls seem to relish the pouty-brat role more So we're exposed to insufferable Marissa, who had her poodles dyed pink, and Daddy bought her not one car, but two. He fools her by getting her an SUV, and then in the end, he also gives her the blaze-red sports car she badly wanted. My zany Daddy!

 

But that was chump change. Priya, a 16-year-old Indian-American in Texas, planned to enter her party during an elaborate procession led by elephants. Priya received a Mercedes convertible and an assortment of diamond jewelry for her birthday. Her older sister Divya's graduation gift package included a Bentley, diamonds and two homes in India."I was really surprised," said the sister, "because I was only expecting a Bentley and one house."

 

The show is so garish and over the top that you can feel that MTV's "reality" producers are manipulating the brattiness of the starring teenagers, but to some, the egomania just comes naturally. Sophie, a Florida teenager, received piles of hateful e-mail when she marched around announcing "the moral of this story is I'm always right." Sophie defended her mother's decision to spend $180,000 on her party to the New York Times thusly: "Unless they were crazy or hated their child, any parent who was financially able would do it."

 

MTV knows that this spectacle of self-indulgence will have viewers coming back each week for another dose of outrage. Every one of these shows ought to end with a serious spanking. Maybe for the parents as well as the teenagers. But MTV would only find a way to spin another reality yarn out of that, too.

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