6/27: #80, Putting Your Woody In Check
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 80: The Franchise
The Franchise: He’s one of those British people, and I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond. However, he has seemed harmless enough, and we’ve even chatted a few times via AIM. Problem was our conversations were short-lived due to those wacky time zones; each time he AIM’d me it was time for me to leave work (and yes, that was the real reason). He seemed like a nice guy, but not nice enough for me to stay past my shift and gab with.
• Rush, Rush, Rush, what am I ever going to do with you? I guess I should be grateful that you weren’t caught with Oxycontin. Oh well, I might as well get this one out of the way: “I always knew he was a member of the hard Right, but this is taking it a bit too far.”
• The Johnstown Tribune-Democrat, in the midst of a design change, might drop the "Democrat" from its name. Hopefully, this won’t be the only Democrat in the region dropped this year -– Johnstown, Pa., is home to John Murtha.
• I’ll tell you what. After listening to W. tear into the N.Y. Slimes for publishing a program that monitors international banking transactions, I wish he got pissed off every time he spoke in public. I can’t wait for the next terrorist attack to hit this country, if only to hear the Slimes and other Medium-Large Media allies wonder why the government didn't do more to gather up intel that could have prevented the attack. Better yet, hopefully Abdul will blow himself up inside the Gray Lady’s headquarters.
• Oh for fuck’s sake. Let’s just ban cigarettes outright. I’m sick and tired of hearing how the slightest whiff of tobacco will kill me 60 years from now. Let’s ban smoking in all restaurants, because when I’m about to bite into my bacon cheeseburger with a side of seasoned fries I don’t want my health to be at risk because of some smoker across the eatery taking a puff off of his cancer stick.
• Al Keiper and Vern Gagne mentioned in Al’s blog that the designated hitter position should be kept for All-Star games. Having spent about 4-5 seconds thinking about this topic, I think the DH rule should be used depending on where the All-Star game is being held. If the game is being played in an American League field, use the extra bat. If the game is held on a field from the Senior Circuit, make the pitchers earn their keep. Personally, I think the Designated Hitter is nothing more than a way to keep beefy ballplayers with bad knees from having to earn their paychecks out in the field, but that’s what you get with unions. While I’m on this subject, one thing that has to go is this hippie “the winning league at the All-Star game gets home-field advantage in the World Series.” All-Star games are meant to be an exhibition. If you really don’t want to have one of these contests run out of pitchers in extra innings, then don’t feel obligated to play every person on your roster within the course of nine innings.
• Some guy could face jail time for writing "BULL (expletive) MONEY GRAB." On the memo line of a check he sent to pay for a parking fine? Crap. Every once in a while I write something stupid on my check’s memo line. Most of the time if I’m paying my local quarterly tax it’s usually something dumb like, “Making sure the Man doesn’t throw me in jail,” but there have been a few instances when I’ve been quite rude, especially when I was paying for some bullshit fee, service charge or hidden cost I was hit with. The worst, however, came in 2000 when I got screwed over on my state taxes and wrote on my check to the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, “So you Jew bastards can take even more of my hard-earned money.” It’s things like this that I look back on and realize if I ever decide to run for public office I wouldn’t last more than a week in the public spotlight.
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