the.weej

"The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the Smarks Wrestling Federation Crusierweight Championship!" The house lights drop, causing a small mummer to escape from the crowd. The low key, but upbeat beginning of "Lapdance" by N.E.R.D. starts to fill the arena. Brillant strobes of white, yellow, blue and red, flash about the arena, bathing the crowd in a mutli-colored hue in time with the beat, whose moderate base line begins to kick up, until, the vocals drop... I'm an Ouuuuut-law! Suddenly, a bullet flies through the picture, causing the image to shatter like glass. A single spotlight flashes across the stage, waving back and forth in time with the hip-hop beat... Quick on the draw -- Quick on the draw... Something you never seen before -- never seen... Centering on a lone spot... And I dare a muthafucker to come in my face! And as N.E.R.D’S ‘Lap-dance’ continues, it draws Ryan Dustin to the stage, through the curtain, facing the crowd – arms folded across his chest – while in a casual lean; his red cameo jacket fluttering from an unknown undercurrent. After a pause, Dustin makes his way to the ring, interacting with various fans by placing them in his 'picture frame'... "Introducing first, the challenger," adds Funyon, after a short pause. After the pause, Dustin makes his way to the ring, interacting with various fans by placing them in his 'picture frame'. "Making his way to ringside—from Carson City, Nevada, weighing in at two hundred and twenty-eight pounds, he is the Real Deal... RYAN DUSSSSS--TIN!" announces Funyon, while Dustin slaps hands with a few fans. Ryan reaches the ring, climbing up the outside of the turnbuckle, he poses once again, sizing up the Cruiserweight champ, by placing his hands in the form of a 'picture frame' again. Then Ryan, as if waiting for a cue, turns to the near side crowd, nodding his head to the beat... "It's so real! How I feel!" ...before backflipping into the ring, giving the fans a little flourish for their buck. The crowd responds to that with a sizable pop, as Ryan disgardes his jacket and glasses, then stands at the ready in his corner, as his music fades into the background. "Citizen Dustin, definitely one for a little flash and panache, is coming in to this contest on a four match win streak, but going up against, as you called him eariler, Robert, 'a man who is prehaps one of the hottest in the federation!'," Cyclone pauses, letting the innuendo speak for itself, "you have to wonder if he can defeat Tom Flesher, also known as one of the most decorated champions in Smarks Wrestling Federation history. We'll find out here tonight!" BOOM! With that, an explosion of blue smoke and pyro lights up the arena, heralding the arrival of the Cruiserweight Champion! As Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” blares through the stadium, Tom Flesher walks through the velvet curtain clad in his usual blue warm-up suit. Allison Onita, wearing a black leather skirt and a short black leather jacket covering what would otherwise be revealed by a sleeveless black mesh blouse, follows behind him with the SWF Cruiserweight Title belt wrapped around her waist. The fans boo loudly as Flesher and Onita make their way to the ring, but Flesher ignores them as usual. On the other side of the ring, Riley pops to his feet and begins to applaud the arrival of the “Superior One,” as Flesher climbs the stairs and holds the ropes for Allison Onita, then enters. He sets himself in the center of the ring as the music fades, and looks at the announcer with a smirk. Funyon breathes a loud and exaggerated sigh before beginning to read the prepared statement on the index card handed to him. “And his opponent,” he begins, “A man who, once again, needs no introduction! Quite frankly because he's the only REAL man in the ring at this moment. He is the most decorated wrestler in the SWF, since Tom Flesher himself! He has once again decided to give you a second viewing of his unparalleled talents that those of you here in the Gund Arena saw last show, where only the distractions of Ryan Dustin could give Birdman the biggest fluke win, since Flesher last lost a match! Weighing in tonight at two hundred twenty-nine and one half pounds, after an extensive 'workout' with Allision Onita--from Buffalo, New York, he is the reigning SWF World Cruiserweight Champion, he is the Superior One... TOM FLEEEESSSSH--ERRRR!” Flesher goes to his pattened golf clap, as Allison cheers behind him, only to be met by with the same brutal response as last show... FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! "This crowd has picked up where they left off, Robert! Tom Flesher, in their opinion, seems to... suck." "They wish!" says Riley quickly, missing Comet's 'and you do to' mumbled under his breath. Eddy Long signals for the bell and this match is underway. DING--DING--DING! Both men test the ropes in their own way, while they quicken the pace, finally crashing together and grappling for position. Tom takes control, out-techniquing Dustin and transitions into a side headlock takedown. Flesher holds onto the headlock, yawning as Ryan slides on the mat, trying to get into a better position--and he does, surprising Tom by quickly grabbing a head scissors. The Superior One easily kips up, breaking the hold and both wrestlers scramble to their feet--but Tom gets under control first and grabs the Real Deal, while he’s still on one knee, hooking him into a front facelock. Flesher lands a knee to the face of the Real Deal and continues to strike away with knee, after knee, surprising everyone in the arena by releasing the 'front headlock' and tossing Dustin down to the canvas, face first! "Ha! Total domination by Tom Flesher! He doesn't even NEED to keep holds on Dustin. That's how good he is!" Tom taunts Dustin to get up off the ground and he obilges, causing the two to come together in a collar and elbow, once again controlled by Flesher, but only briefly as Ryan shifts his weight and moves into a headlock. Tom attempts to sandbag, but Dustin plants his feet and sends him over with a side headlock takedown. Tom quickly gets his shoulders off the mat, since it's been ingrained in his system since amateurs and now in a better position; he brings them up to their feet and walks them into the near ropes. The Superior One uses the momentum and a palmstrike to the ribs to his advantage and tosses Ryan away, but the Real Deal rebounds quickly, moving into him with a shoulder block. Dustin looks down and bounces off the ropes, causing Flesher to flip over onto his belly -- allowing Ryan to stop quickly and fall right back into another side headlock! “Ho-ho, a little one-upsmanship there, Bobby! Ryan was on the losing end of their first exchange, and got dissed and dismissed, so he outsmarted citizen Flesher to prove they're on even ground.” notes Comet, as Ryan secures the hold, patting Flesher's head for good measure. “He won't win the match like this, especially against Flesher.” adds Riley, in response. "Tom is the best mat tacticion I've ever seen, let alone in the SWF. Messing with him on the ground, while satistfying, will just lead to Dustin getting bitch-slapped more and losing quicker." Flesher scowls in the hold, really put out, but he once again brings them up to their feet and walks them into the near ropes. Tom uses the momentum gained again and tosses Ryan away, sending the Real Deal off to run the ropes. Dustin rebounds, coming back with a vengence, but walks directly into the open arms of the Superior One! Tom clasps his hands together and after a brief pause, elevates Ryan over in a devastating Railgun suplex! "Citizen Dustin runs directly into a Railgun suplex! The Superior One saw him coming and easily proves once again why he's one of the best suplex artists in the SWF." Now half-way across the ring, the Real Deal arches his back in pain, and rolls to his stomach, making sure Tom won't get a pin fall attempt, while Flesher pops up to his feet and gives a twirl for the audience. They boo, as anyone would that display of out and out cockiness, while Tom stalks over to the downed Dustin and slaps on his pattented front headlock, leveraging Ryan up to his knees... but he can't seem to press Ryan into his Cement drop. Flesher maintains his front headlock, realizing he's not going to get Dustin into the Thez Press pinning position with the Cement drop, lifts the hunched Real Deal some and snaps Ryan up overhead with a float over suplex! He gracefully rolls into his facelock Thez Press and drives Dustin's shoulders to the canvas for a pin! Eddy Long slides to the mat and counts... ONE! TWO! TH--No! Ryan gets a shoulder up off the canvas even with Tom torquing on his neck. Flesher, not one to let his opponent get away with just lying on the mat, paintbrushes the back of Dustin head, to a chorus of boos. "Tom Flesher is not taking this match seriously at all, Robert." "Well, why should he? Dustin TRIED to show him up and now he's learning exactly what happens after that." Flesher, through paint brushing his opponent, settles for another pin attempt, burying Dustin into the mat, for the count... ONE! TWO--No! The Real Deal doesn't hesitate in the least and pushes them both up off the canvas. The audience lets loose another large boo at the lack of action going on in the ring, but Flesher doesn't care. His job is to win and keep his belt. If playing around with Ryan Dustin and going for multiple covers will get that done, then that's too bad. Dustin, tired of getting bullied around forces Flesher backwards a bit and Tom, to maintain the headlock backs up, but Ryan pushes him toward the corner. Since he doesn't want to give up the facelock Flesher pivits and tries to drag Dustin into the center of the ring with him. Sadly for him, Ryan makes the ropes and Eddy Long comes over to count the break... BOOOOOOOO! ...but while Long is shielded by Tom's wide body, Flesher hits discreet low knee to the nads which kills all of Dustin's fighting spirit. "Illegal!" shouts Comet, jumping up out of his seat as Dustin slumps deep into the corner. "Villianous attack of the mans nether-regions!" "Sit down you caped fool! It's not illegal unless the ref SEES it!" says Bobby, pulling Comet back into his seat. "Get ready, Comet." adds Riley, watching as Tom saunters towards the far ropes bouncing off them for momentum. "We're about to see something special!" Tom raises his foot slightly, as he charges forward and blasts Ryan with a painful corner boot scrap! Dustin's face jerks to the right and snaps back into place, as Flesher rushes back to those same ropes and explodes forward with another doc-marten related boot scrap of death and destruction!! "He doesn't break out the sauntering~ bootscraps for just anyone, Comet! They have to REALLY piss him off, for that!" Flesher turns away from the corner and poses to a smattering of boos, before golf clapping for himself. In the corner, Dustin reaches up to the top ropes and yanks himself up to his feet in an attempt to go on the offensive, but Tom turns around and backhands him across the face, like he had eyes in the back of his head! "Damn, that slap makes every Cleveland pimp in the audience proud!" But The Real Deal knows he has to make his move now and shakes off the pain, responding with a forearm to the face, that stuns Tom for a second, but he whips around and halls off on Dustin with a open hand bitch-slap, so hard, it forces spit to fly from the Real Deal's mouth into the crowd. "See, Comet! You mess with Flesher and you get the point. And that point is of total and complete, disrespect." notes a giddy Riley, as Tom grabs Ryan's arm, sending him away in an Irish whip, but the Real Deal is thrown so quickly that he can't even take the fall into the corner with his back, crashing sternum first into the top most turnbuckle! Dustin cannot even hang on and stumbles out of the corner backwards, allowing Flesher to loop in behind him and lifts him up for a Belly to back suplex--no, Ryan flips out over the top and out of the Cruiserweight champion's grasp! The crowd rises to it's feet, as the Superior One attempts to react, turning around as quickly as he can, swinging wildly with a back elbow, realizing that he's in prime position for Dustin's heavily scouted Real Deal neckbreaker, but Dustin ducks and laces his arm about the waist of Flesher, lifting him up and bringing him back down to earth, quicker than a hiccup! "Inverted Atomic drop!" shouts Comet, while Flesher's eyes scrunch up in pain, as he bounces atop the knee of his opponent, who barely pauses before sending Tom flying back first to the canvas, with a quick, yet not so dirty, spinebuster! Tom twitches on the mat in pain, clearky stunned by the speed of the attack, and Dustin takes advantage, going for the win by continuing to hold onto Flesher's legs and flipping over top in a jacknife pin! "The champion is down! First pin of the match for Ryan Dustin!" ONE! TWO! THR--No! Tom kicks out of the pin, but on the outside Allison looks on in shock. She can't believe Dustin actually attempted a pin on Tom, like he could actually win... "The sudden impact of that Bona-fide thriller seems to have shaken up Tom Flesher, Robert." notes Comet, as Dustin sits up from his pin fall attempt. "Please Comet, he's just bidding his time..." retorts Riley, rolling his eyes for good measure. Meanwhile, Ryan has made it to his feet, trying to regain his balance, and as Tom begins to get up Dustin has already leapt into the air, swinging his leg out and across the head of his opponent!! Crack! The crowd comes alive at the first real offensive stand by the challenger, while Flesher's eyes glaze over and he falls to the mat in a heap once again, this time face first! Allision raises one unsure eyebrow, while Dustin lands on one knee and scrambles into a textbook cover, shooting a half nelson and hooking the far leg for leverage! Ryan looks to Eddy Long, as he starts the count... ONE! TWO! THRE--No! The crowd groans as the Superior One's shoulder pushes it's way out of Dustin's grasp. Tom rolls over onto his belly and pushes himself up to his knees and Ryan, going on instinct now, hops over top and snitches him into an Oklaholma roll stacking the Cruiserweight champs shoulders to the mat, one last time!! Allision bangs her hands on the mat, clearly not so sure Tom will be kicking out of this one... ONE! TWO! THREE! ... NOOOO! Tom breaks the pin once again, causing the crowd to let out a heart-felt moan. "Citizen Dustin, was this close to ending the match, Robert." notes Comet, putting his fingers centimeters apart. "Tom Flesher is fighting for his life in there! The rapid fire pins have him back on his heels, when just moments ago he was in complete control!" The Real Deal stands, on fire from his rapid-fire offence and waves Flesher up to his feet, rushing forward and leaping into the air, dragging Tom down to the mat with a Thez press--no! Flesher, alert as ever, ducks low and rolls through by way of Overhead belly-to-belly suplex! Ryan's eyes go wide in horror, as he underestimated the technical abilities of Tom Flesher. Dustin hits the mat high on his shoulders and flops to the canvas, which allow the Superior One to float over into his pattened Cement drop!! BOOOOO! The crowd reacts quickly to the change in control, but Tom Flesher sits on his modified Thez Press, buying himself some much needed recovery time. "See Comet! I told you so earlier, didn't I! Tom waited and waited for his chance to strike and now he's found it. He's right back in control of the situation." Tom pushes Dustin's neck and shoulders down with some added weight and wrench Ryan into a pinning position out of nowhere! Eddy Long drops to make the count... ONE! TWO! THRE--No! Ryan fights a shoulder up off the canvas with a great deal of effort, as Flesher finally seems to be back to his normal self, asking Allision to give him a golf clap after his wonderful display of counter wrestling. Flesher, back in control, works Dustin up to his feet and gets a cradle, snapping him over with a Fisherman's suplex! ONE! TWO! THREE--No! Dustin barely breaks the pin attempt and staggers to his feet as Flesher backs up and rushes forward for a Yakuza kick--no Ryan ducks quickly causing Tom to run into the turnbuckle pads. Dustin spins behind him and pulls him backward into rolling prawn!!! ONE! TWO! THREE--NO! Tom kicks out pushing the nearly out of it Dustin into the ropes. Ryan holds on to stay up, but Tom loops in behind him for a German suplex intending to send him back to the canvas--but Ryan counters by firing off back elbows that send Flesher spawling into the corner! Ryan follows up with weak forearms trying anything to get an advantage, and goes for an Irish whip--no reversal, Ryan runs the ropes and runs right into Flesher gut-wrench grasp! Tom lifts Dustin up for an Ego Buster attempt, but Dustin adjusts in mid-air and handles the gut-wrench like a titl-a-whirl, spinning into a Dragon kid arm bar!! Flesher falls to the mat under the pressure of Dustin on his back, but in a great showing of skill, Tom rolls through into a pin! ONE! TWO! THR--No! Dustin gets a shoulder up and Flesher clearly pissed that he almost lost, motions for Allision to get the title and rolls out of the ring. Allision brings the belt to him and they start up the ramp... Eddy Long counts, as Dustin, very tired from haveing to deal with all of Flesher's sandbagging, sits on the mat, not able to bring him back. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! "Is he--is Tom Flesher going to leave this match. I've never seen Tom Flesher actually leave a match in my time here commentating for the SWF." says Comet, not sure what to make of this. "Hold on! Tom--hey Tom, I talking to you." shouts a voice from the back. It's the voice of Alex Zenon, SWF commissioner. "Stop the count Eddy. Tom I'll give you one chance to get back in that ring and finish this match like you said you would." Flesher ponders on this and hefts the belt on his shoulder, while Ryan Dustin looks on from his knees in the ring. "Please, like you can do anything. King owns you." he shouts and he adds much less loudly, so that no-one can hear... "and I own you job." "I won't let this happen. I warned you, Tom. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I should have known better. You pulled the same thing on me once before and I may not be able to do much, but I will strip you of that title, if you don't get back in that ring. Start the count." SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! Tom doesn't have a mic, but you can see him saying "You won't do it, Alex." NINE! But Alex will do it. TEN! DING--DING--DING! And Tom's about to find that out. "Give me that belt! You may think King can save your ass but it's not happening today. As of right now, I'm stripping you of the SWF Cruiserweight Title." One of the ring attendant comes up to Flesher, who is still in shock from the announcement and yanks the title away, running up to the commissioner. The crowd cheers as Zenon takes the belt and we fade to commercial break...

“Thomas, Thomas, Thomas,” says Alex Zenon, shaking his head. “I think you’ve forgotten something about Genesis.” “Oh?” says Flesher, puffing on a cigarette. “No matter what you and King think, you’ve already got a contractual obligation,” Zenon says. “Ryan Dustin is the #1 contender to the Cruiserweight Championship.” “Eh?” Flesher asks, ashing the cigarette. “That,” sighs Zenon, pointing downward. The camera pulls back, showing the ash from about half a cigarette sitting on the faceplate of the Cruiserweight belt. “And your point is…?” “You have to defend it, Tom.” “Hmmm…” Flesher mulls it over for a second, and then says, “Nope.” “What did you just say?” “I’d really rather not, Alex. I’m not feeling it.” Zenon sighs. “Listen, Tom, you’re under contract here, and that comes with certain responsibilities. You haven’t defended the Cruiserweight Title in ages, and now that you HAVE a contender, you’ve got to get out there and do it.” “How’s the week after Genesis? I can recoup a little, get a massage, do some stretching …” “Bullshit. You fight tonight.” Flesher raises an eyebrow. “Or?” “Or I strip you. Now, you better go get warmed up… you’re on next.” With that, Zenon simply turns and walks out the door. Flesher takes one long pull on his cigarette and, with a shrug, exhales the cloud.

Cut to one Fallen Angel, in street clothes knocking on Z's door, to no answer. He knocks on it again, and turns around, obviously frustrated and walks right into an intern. The poor kid immediatly goes into apology mode, "I'm sorry Mr. Cross, I should've -" "Kid, I turned around into you. I know you're used to FLesher or Suicide King tearing you a new one for looking at 'em, but calm down." The kid does calm down a bit. "Now, do you know where Zenon is?" "Um, last time I saw him he was heading toward RevZero's locker room muttering something about riders in contracts and such." Cross raises his eyebrows, then shrugs his large shoulders. "Hmm...I never expected Toxxic to be the one who wants only red M&M's." "Actually sir, I think it was Spike complaining." That stops Cross cold. "Wait, Spike has riders in - I'm not going to ask. Anyway, can you do a favor for me?" "Hang around here, and when Zenon gets back, tell him I want Lezaire." "I'll do that no problem, but if you don't mind me asking, why do you think he'll give you the match?" Bad, bad thing to ask about kid. "Other than the fact I have a rematch clause, was screwed out of the title in the first place, and was about to send the cocky bastard into traction before his life partner got into things a few days ago?" Cross simply pauses for a moment, before offering something resembling a grin. If anything, it makes Cross look more grim. "Not much. But like I said -" Cross hands the intern a contract. "-give this to him, have him look it over." "And if he wants to get in contact with you?" "I'll be around, in the shadows, around the darkness, and unfortunately for Ace...I'm focused on him at the moment. On getting back the USJL title, and that's what it is, not some Canadian Championship or whatever the fool wants it to be. He knows that title is the result of a match that he won with deciet, not skill. At Genesis, Lezaire is just going to be another man. Another man who's screwed with justice one too many times...and is now going to pay the price. Now kid, I must be going, the night is calling." At that, Cross simply walks away and heads toward the exit. The intern just shakes his head. "Sure, I get the freaks. I can't run into Megan Skye or Jet, nooo. Have to walk into the guy who think he's Batman." At that, we cut back to Comet and Riley.

As preparations are made for the main event of the evening, the view inside the Gund Arena switches to the backstage area, and a familiar view at that. Commissioner Alex Zenon is sorting through papers, reading through some of the contracts that are filing in as the stage is being set for Genesis V, a five-year anniversary of the federation's biggest event. Suddenly, the door to Zenon's office is opened and he looks up from his desk. "Alex," John Duran says, immediately stepping up to the Commissioner's desk. "I'm here to tell you that I've got it all figured out for Genesis." "I've taken care of it, John," Zenon responds quickly. Duran is taken aback, and grimaces, reaching a hand up to his neck as if this change of events is hurting him. "You've taken care of it? Even when I didn't ask you to?" "That's right," Zenon says matter-of-factly, and looks back down at his papers. Duran tries to remain calm through all of this. "Would you mind at least telling me who my opponent is?" "It's a surprise." WHAM! Duran slams his hand down on Zenon's desk, right next to the nameplate featuring the Commissioner's name and title. "How about you tell me the surprise?" Alex takes a breath and looks back up at Duran. "Just get ready for Sunday. I know your neck's in bad shape, so there's no telling who you'll get to face you. I'd be prepared for anything, John, not grilling me about who it is." The Notorious One coldly stares at the Commissioner, obviously wanting to rip his head off but holding back. "I'll be there. And I'll win if I break my damn neck trying, Alex." "I think that's what the fans are hoping for, John." The former World Champion scoffs and turns, walking out of his office and slamming the door behind him. Finally, Zenon calmly looks back down at the paperwork before him.

"Their win was a fluke, and I intend to show them that." Fade in. The scene opens up in the Revolution Zero locker room. Spike Jenkins, Sean Davis, and Marcus Washington all lounge in their respective recliners. The Cleveland crowd readily shows their feelings of the three men on screen. BOOOOOOOOOO!! "Don't you mean we?" asks Spike. Davis nods in response, then looks over at his attorney, Marcus Washington, as the lawyer speaks up. "You know, Sean.. I think the commissioner has a title defense planned for your Hardcore Gamer's Championship. Hollywood Boulevard is rumored to be asking for a TLC match to defend their Tag Titles in." "Heresay," comments Davis, with a smirk at his lawyer. Spike can't help but chuckle a little bit, too. He leans forward and addresses Sean. "I'm sure you can handle it, man. And I've got your back if need be. I just can't believe Dustin got a shot at the Cruiserweight before I got my rematch. I so wanted to kick Tom Flesher's ass!" "Well," begins Davis. "I'm sure you'll get your shot again. Ryan Dustin won't stay sober long enough to keep the belt." The former FSU linebacker looks at Washington. "Can you make sure our names come up when the Tag Title match is booked?" A sly grin overcomes the lawyer's face. "I got you out, didn't I?" Davis glares at Marcus and growls, "I was innocent to begin with!" "Chill, buddy," Jenkins interjects. He stands and stretches. "I'm gonna see if I can't find Zenon. I need to figure out what the hell is going on with my title.. " Fade out.

SWF Smarkdown returns from a commercial for the RUSH MEGA-BOXED SET!! A multitude of cameras pan around the Gund Arena, showcasing the retired jerseys of Craig Ehlo and Brad Daugherty! Hand-made signs are also present, but they're pretty bad, so instead, camera two stops in front of Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley at their regular broadcast positions. "Hello fans, and welcome back to SWF Smarkdown in the one, the only, GUUUND AREEENA!!" Comet bellows. "Geez, Comet. You trying to make me go deaf?" Riley questions. "Of course! That way, I'd be able to regale the audience with my fantastic tales without you mocking me afterwards," Comet says. "You bastard," Riley says after a small pause. "Well, with those pleasantries aside, let's get down to the action! Our card is a bit meager tonight, but that's only because GENESIS FIVE~! is looming just around the corner! But even though it's truncated, this card is going to be amazing! In just a moment, we shall see the very first match of one Danny Dagda, in a hardcore, handicap match against former run-away tag team that fell just short of the tag titles, Team Flip Flop!" Comet shouts. "You mean the flavor of last month! That Danny Dagda's going to tear the chick and the chicken into nugget-sized pieces!" Riley says in all his sadistic glory. "Robert! Aren't you forgetting something?" Comet mutters in a low whisper. When Bobby stares blankly at him, Comet delivers a quick jab to his ribs. "Oh yeah. Blood sport!" Riley shouts, fulfilling his contract. "Thank you. Anyway, it looks like Funyon is ready to make the introductions for this match," Comet notes. "Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a hardcore handicap match in which count outs and disqualifications are not in effect! Introducing first, from Newark, New Jersey, he weighs in a two hundred, seventy-five pounds, and this is his first SWF match, DAAANY DAAAGDAAA!!" Funyon booms out over the crowd (Not that he needs to as the audience is pretty unsure of what to think of Dagda). An explosion of red pyrotechnics and a sheet of red pyro from the SmarkTron completely hides the entrance ramp as "Tearing Everybody Down" by Anti-Flag crackles to life over the speakers. As the song blares on, Dagda steps through the wall of pyro, a golf bag bristling with weaponry slung over his shoulder. Danny walks, nay, not walks, struts down the ramp, slides his bag under the bottom rope and climbs into the ring himself. "What's with that bag? Does Dagda fancy himself Casey Jones?" Comet questions. "No, you dolt! He's prepared! He knows that Zenon's a sick, twisted man, what with pitting him against not one, but two people at once in his first match, and Danny has brought along a few friends," Riley says. The lights drop down and a green explosion slams the stage. No Doubt's "Just a Girl" starts up as the lights come back with green filters, causing some of the Cleveland crowd the believe they've been subject to a nuclear attack. But it's not a nuclear attack, it's Team Flip Flop! On the stage, no less! "And his opponent, at a combined weight of three hundred, sixty-two pounds, Andrea Montgomery and the Birdman, TEEEAM FLIIP FLOP!!" Funyon booms out over the cheering fans. Birdman dances his way down the ramp while Andrea takes a few practice swings with a cane. "Now what's she doing with that?" Riley demands. "Making things even, Bobby," Comet points out. "It's more than even! It's two on one, dammit!" Riley exclaims. Andrea and Birdman reach the ring but don't dare enter as Danny has an aluminum baseball bat in his hand, just waiting to take a swing at a cruiser. The Babe and the Bird briefly discuss their strategy, and then approach the ring from different sides, Andrea remaining at the foot of the ramp, and Birdy walking a few feet to the left, taking the side of the ring facing the extended view camera. In a flash, Birdman and Andrea hop on to the apron, Birdman a second quicker than Andrea. Dagda takes a swing for the feathered friend, but Birdy drops back down, giving Andrea time to springboard into the ring, cracking Danny across the head with her cane in the process! Splinters go flying and Dagda looks no worse for wear as he pulls back and unloads with the bat, catching Andrea on the side of the head! Birdman caws under his breath, hops back on to the apron and dives feet-first between the top and middle ropes, nailing Danny in the stomach, sending him staggering backwards. Amidst the chaos, referee Miles Cortez calls for the bell: DING! DING! DING! "What the hell? Did Andrea Montgomery bring a balsa wood cane to this match?" Comet speculates. "I'm not sure. She's stupid enough to do that, but it might just be that Danny Dagda is just so strong he can shake off a cane to the brain easily," Riley says, fawning over the newest hunk of man meat in the ring. Danny straightens up in time to greet Birdman's talons in the form of a heel kick to the face. Danny shakes the blow off, but only eats another kick. Despite the fact that they're all protein, Dagda decides to limit his diet to two kicks at a time and nails Birdman with an uppercut to the chin. Danny sprints forward, locks his arms around Birdy and arches his back, sending the fine feathered fellow crashing to the mat with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. "With a quick flurry of offense, Danny Dagda has taken firm control of this match," Comet points out. "Heh, I bet he's firm!" Riley shouts. Danny struts over to Birdman, lifts him up, and drops him with a whack-a-mole type blow from his bat. Dagda drops the bat, flexes a bit, and then drops down to cover Birdman. Cortez dashes over, ready to make the count: ONE! TWO! TH...NO! A well-placed kick from Andrea Montgomery interrupts the pin! Danny rises to his feet, his face a wall of fury. Dagda charges, but Andrea sidesteps, lashing out with an elbow as Danny passes. Andrea dives, rolls forward, snatching up the baseball bat in the process. As she gets to her feet, Andrea turns slightly and lets the bat fly with better accuracy than Roger Clemens, right at Dagda! WHAM! Every single man in the audiences cries out in pain as the handle of the bat nails Dagda squarely on the crotch. Danny slams his knees together as his hands fly to his 'injured soldiers'. Dagda staggers for a moment, and then drops to both knees, gasping like a fish out of water. Andrea wastes no time and lashes out with two kicks to Dagda's head, connecting with both! Drea is far from finished, though, as she leaps in the air and drills Danny with a heel kick to the temple! "Now Andrea Montgomery has taken control of this match after some...fancy bat-work," Comet says, still a bit uncomfortable. "Bat-work my foot! She cheated!" Riley yells. "How so? It's a hardcore match! Anything goes, no holds barred!" Comet exclaims. "Bar? There's a bar here? Where's my Tom Collins, then?" Riley asks, very upset. With Danny flat on his back, Andrea ascends the turnbuckles and leaps from the top... SPLASH! ... Landing atop Dagda with a corkscrew moonsault! Andrea hooks Danny's right leg and Miles gets down to make the count: ONE! TWO! T...NO! Danny manages to kick out! Andrea gets up and rushes over to Dagda's golf bag of goodies as Danny slowly rises to his feet and walks over, bat in hand. Andrea reaches in the bag and pulls, but it appears that whatever she's trying to use is lodged in the bag pretty tight. This simply gives Dagda plenty of time to saunter over and do his best to imitate Babe Ruth... THWACK! Danny crouches, pulls back, and pulverizes Andrea's back with a swing of the bat! Montgomery crumples to the mat and Dagda puts a hand to his face, as if trying to track the invisible ball. "Home run! Danny Dagda hit a monster shot!" Riley squeals in delight. "Yes, but will it be allowed? I mean, he's using aluminum! This isn't college!" Comet points out. Dagda pumps his fist into the air, drops the bat and begins his trip around the 'bases'. He saunters around the ring, touching the first three turnbuckles. As he 'rounds home' Dagda does the Flair-strut! BOOOOOOOOO! "I have to agree with the fans," growls Comet. "It's bad enough that he ran around the 'bases,' but that's just rubbing it in!" Flashy though it was, it turns out to be a bad idea, as it keeps his back turned on Birdman, who's just now getting back to his feet, rubbing the top of his head. Birdy staggers forward, picks up the bat and makes his way towards Dagda, sneaking up behind him just as he reaches 'home.' CRACK! Birdman rears back and swings, nailing Danny in the back of his left knee! CRACK! Birdy swings again, this time for Danny's right leg! Another blow for the right, and let's even things up with one for the left! With Dagda hobbled, Birdman grabs the bat with one hand, the barrel flush against his forearm and he heads for the ropes. WHAM! Birdy leaps into the air as he bounces off the ropes, nailing Danny with a flying forearm! "Birdman with a baseball bat-assisted forearm to Danny Dagda's forehead!" Comet exclaims. "That's not fair!" Riley shouts. "Hey, this is like street ball. No blood, no foul," Comet points out. "What about that blood!" Riley says, pointing out the trickle on Dagda's forehead. "Oh, must have missed that. Still, it's hardcore! What about Bobby 'Bloodsport' Riley, huh?" Comet inquires. Birdman tosses the bat aside and heads to the corner, quickly leaping to the top and perches on the top buckle, waiting for Danny to rise to his feet. Dagda pulls something out of his pants pocket out of Birdman's sight, and then gets up, turning around, as Birdman leaps off the top rope to deliver a cross-body block! CRASH! Birdman nails the cross-body but, rather than try to hold Dagda down for the pin, unexpectedly rolls off him and lays motionless on the mat, as does Daniel. "Birdman with a sensational high cross-body," says Comet, "but he seems to have somehow taken the worst of it!" Dagda has a sinister grin as he gets to his feet, causing the cameraman to zoom in on him; a close up of Danny's hand and a split-screen replay provides ample evidence: what Dagda reaches into his pants for turns out to be a pair of brass knuckles, with which he punched the back of Birdman's head upon contact! "My word," shrieks Comet. "What a sinister maneuver by Danny Dagda!" "Yeah," says Riley dismissively, "but it puts Dagda back in control! He's crafty, Comet, crafty!" "Sure he is... It doesn't take much brain power to punch someone in the head!" Comet shouts. Rather than follow up on the attack and possibly prove Riley's point about his craftiness, Dagda rolls out of the ring and dives under the ring skirting. In the intervening time, Andrea manages to sit up, noticing Birdman out cold and Dagda gone from sight; she quickly puts two and two together, and exits on the opposite side of the ring, going on a weapon search herself. "It's like Hans Blix up in here!" Comet shouts. Riley simply gives him a blank look. "You know, the guy who was looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?" Comet offers, but only gets another blank look. "Damn philistine," Comet mutters. "Hey," Riley shouts defensively, "I'm from Fort Wayne, Indiana, not Philadelphia!" Danny is finished with his search, it would seem, and begins dragging something from under the ring. "What is that?" Riley asks, bemused. "Looks like a futon," Comet says. Comet is correct; it is, in fact, a futon, which Danny slides into the ring and then climbs in himself. "Well, who the hell put a futon under the ring," Riley wonders aloud. "And anyway, aren't they usually pretty hefty, Comet?" "Yes," answers Comet. "Rarely do you see a single person move a futon around, but then again Danny Dagda is a pretty strong guy." "No, I meant your sister's being hefty, Comet. And you agree!" Riley says happily. "Agree to what?" Comet wonders. "You said Danny Dagda was a pretty, strong guy," Riley squeals giddily. "And you think he's cute, too!" Danny, oblivious to Riley's ambiguously gay delight, lifts the futon above his head and places it in the corner. He walks over to Birdman, lifting him up and drilling him with another brass knuckle-assisted punch, just for good measure! He then drags him across the ring, leaning him against the futon. "This can't be a good thing," moans Comet. Danny trots to the opposite corner and then rushes towards Birdman, but stops short before making it all the way to the corner. He heads back across the ring to the empty corner, makes another run, but stops short yet again. "What's this guy's problem," shouts Comet. "Does he not know what he wants to do, or is he just being a dick about it?" "Oh, come on, Comet," replies Bobby. "You're always talking about how these guys need to try harder to entertain the fans; well, I think that Dagda's doing a pretty good job!" Sporting perhaps the biggest shit-eating grin in history, Dagda walks back to the opposite corner, stretches for a moment, and only THEN takes off at full speed... WHAM! ... Sending his shoulder into Birdman's torso! As expected, the force drives Birdman into and through the futon, rendering it into nothing more than kindling! "Devastating spear from Danny Dagda," exclaims Comet. "Through a futon, no less!" "Look out, Danny! That wench has got a hammer!" Riley warns, to no avail. Andrea slides into the ring and gets to her feet, sledgehammer resting on her shoulder. Andrea walks over just as Danny pulls himself from the wreckage, oblivious to the impending skull-crushing doom. Flash bulbs go off as Danny turns around and Andrea pulls back then swings her mighty hammer! CRASH!! "OH MY GOD!! HIS HEAD IS GONE!!" Riley screams in horror as the blow caused something to shatter, but it's impossible to tell what in fact has been destroyed. Due to Danny not slumping to the mat, nor Andrea being covered with a spray of blood, it appears that the head of the sledgehammer was the object that shattered. Andrea pauses for only a split second at the shock of seeing the hammer head shatter on impact before she rears back again and smashes Danny with the handle, which also shatters. "Danny Dagda must be the strongest man alive!" Riley shouts. "No," rebuffs Comet. "Andrea Montgomery keeps using weapons made from balsa wood, which is very fragile," "What about the hammer head," asks Riley. "That couldn't have been wooden... could it?" And yet, a slow motion, split-screen replay plays for the benefit of Comet and the audience, revealing the head to be completely hollow, much like Riley's. "See, Robert? It was hollow. Man, Andrea Montgomery seems to be having bad luck in her weapon selection," Comet says. "Are you serious," laughs Riley. "What is she, retarded? How could she not notice that a sledgehammer was made out of balsa wood?" Danny brushes splinters from his hair and swings at Drea, but hits air! Andrea drops down and lands a heel kick to the back of Danny's right knee. Danny grabs for Andrea, but she rolls backwards, catching Dagda under the chin with a kick in the process! Andrea kips up to her feet, darts out of the way of a lunging Danny Dagda, and delivers a dropkick to his stomach. The wind knocked out of him, Danny hunches over, exposing him to Andrea, who drapes a leg across the back of his neck, grabs Danny's arm... WHAM! ... And sends him to the mat! "Leg lever takedown from Andrea Montgomery! It seems that she's realized that weapons aren't working for her right now, so she's going back to her normal strategy of out-pacing her opponents," Comet states. "She's going to screw up somehow," Riley says bitterly. Andrea gets back to her feet, Danny following close behind. Andrea lashes out with a pair of kicks to Danny's head, sending the big man reeling. Drea follows up with a spinning back kick to Dagda's gut to double him over, and then traps him in a front facelock... BANG! ... Driving him face-first into the mat to end the whole thing with a DDT! Montgomery pops back to her feet and heads for the corner. Andrea scales the turnbuckles and makes her way out onto the top rope as Danny gets to his feet. Dagda turns to face Andrea and takes a few steps towards her before Drea leaps off! WHACK! Andrea manages a complete flip, hitting Dagda in the mouth with her elbow! And best of all, she sticks the landing! "Somersault elbow from Andrea Montgomery! What a move!" Comet exclaims. "Eh," Riley says scornfully, "I've seen better." With Danny down at least temporarily, Andrea heads over to Birdman and helps pull him from the wreckage of the futon. Andrea leans towards Birdman, no doubt suggesting some plan, to which Birdman gives a caw of assent and he slides out of the ring. Birdman relieves Funyon of his chair and slides back into the ring, folding it up for easier swinging. Birdy walks over to Andrea and Team Flip Flop lifts Danny Dagda up and move him towards the ropes. The Babe and the Bird whip Danny to the opposite set, and upon releasing him, Andrea bounces off the ropes while Birdman scoops up the steel chair. Drea charges at Danny, grabs him by the back of the head, and monkey flips him up and over... CRACK! Right into Birdman's swing! "What a wicked chairshot," exclaims Comet. "THAT certainly wasn't made out of balsa wood!" "That's because Montgomery didn't pick it out," Bobby replies snidely. Birdman drops the chair in front of him and then helps Drea to pull Dagda to his feet. They each wrap an arm around his head, trapping him in a double front facelock... WHACK! ... Before driving him face-first into the table with a double DDT! The Chick and the Chicken dogpile on top of Danny as Miles Cortez dives into position to make the count: ONE! TWO! THRE- NO! ... With an absolutely frightening display of power, Dagda presses both Andrea and Birdman off of him in one fluid motion! Birdy and Drea look at each other in astonishment, before they charge at Danny simultaneously... CRACK! ... And blast him in the face with a running double-dropkick! Rather than attempt another pin, Andrea directs Birdman to the arena floor, where he reaches underneath the ring to retrieve a table, as she stomps on Dagda to keep him softened up. Birdy sets the table and slides back into the ring to help Drea force Danny back against the edge of the ring. They each grab one of his arms and attempt to launch him across the ring... CRACK! ... But before they can get Dagda off the ropes, he uses his prodigious strength to pull the Babe and the Bird together, ramming their heads together with a double noggin knocker that knocks them both to the mat! Dagda quickly pulls Andrea to her feet, only to stand behind her and wrap his arms around her waist before popping his hips as he falls backwards... WHAM! ... Planting her into the mat with a Monstrous German! Birdman gets to his feet, and tries to keep Dagda down, pounding away at him with stomps to the midsection, but Danny grabs him by the leg to stop him, maintaining control of the leg as he stands up. Birdy bounces off the mat on his free leg, whipping it through the air suddenly to blast Dagda in the face with an enzugiri, but Danny deftly ducks out of the way... WHACK! ... But the Bird bounces back off the mat before Danny can react a second time, drilling Dagda on the rebound with jumping back kick! Birdman grabs Dagda by the wrist and whips him across the ring... WHAM! ... But Danny spins around on his heel, quickly reversing the whip attempt and scooping Birdy up into a bearhug... WHAM! ... And planting him into canvas with a strong spinebuster! "Awesome spinebuster by Dagda," marvels Comet. "I told you, Comet," says Riley. "Too much power!" Dagda pulls Birdman to his feet by the back of the head and hooks his arm underneath the Bird's as he heads him over to the edge of the ring, before snatching him off the ground suddenly... CRUNCH! ... And heaving him over the top rope and out of the ring with a devastating hiptoss, that sends Birdman crashing through the table on the arena floor! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! "Bah Zeus," shrieks Comet, "Danny Dagda just pitched Birdman over the top rope and outside the ring as if he were a doll!" "Well," says Riley, "he had it coming. If he hadn't set the table up outside the ring, it wouldn't have been there for him to get thrown into... that karma's a bitch sometimes, isn't it?" Dagda walks over to Andrea and pulls her to her feet, reaching his arms around her to snare her in a front waistlock, and then lifts her off the ground... WHAM! ... Before falling backwards, crushing Andrea against the mat with a ferocious sidewalk slam! Dagda leans back on Drea's chest for a half-hearted cover, as Cortez dives into position: ONE! TWO! THREE- NO! "You've got to be kidding," shouts Riley. "I can't believe that Montgomery could kick out of that!" "That's what happens when you make nonchalant pin attempts," replies Comet. If he would have hooked a leg, this match would be over!" Irritated by his failure to get the win, Danny pulls Drea back to her feet and drills her with a hard right hand that sends her reeling! BAM! Dagda smashes her with a second right hand, and then a third! Drea stumbles back and forth on Rubber Leg Street, as Dagda studs around his opponent as the fans let him have it full barrel: BOOOOOO! "Citizen Dagda needs to stop this posturing and put his opponent away," says Comet. "If he doesn't, his showboating is going to come back to haunt him!" Danny does the Electric Slide in front of Montgomery before finally lunging forward to deliver a LAAAAARIIIIIIOOOOOOTOOOOOOH! WHOOSH! ... But the Big Bruiser comes up empty as Drea ducks underneath the lariat attempt and spins back around behind Dagda, hammering him with a flurry of punches, before: WHACK! Montgomery leaps into the air and flips backwards as she plants both feet into Dagda chest with a dropsault to complete the Coastal Combo! Drea scrambles over to Danny's body and tries to cover him for a pinfall: ONE! TW- KICKOUT! Danny kicks out rather forcefully, launching Andrea off his body. "Citizen Dagda has taken a fair amount of punishment," says Comet, but still appears to have more than enough energy to kick out with authority!" Drea pulls Danny to his feet and traps him in a front facelock before falling down to the mat, attempting to drive Dagda into the mat with a DDT, but Dagda is close enough to the edge of the ring to grab on to the top rope, preventing him from falling down. He pulls Drea to her feet before she has a chance to recover traps her in a front facelock... CRACK! ... Twisting around suddenly to take her down with a spinning neckbreaker! Dagda applies a lateral press as Miles Cortez drops down to make the cover: ONE! TWO! THRE- NO! "Thank goodness that Citizen Montgomery still had the presence of mind to get her feet on the ropes," sighs Comet. Danny pulls Andrea to her feet and leans her up against the ropes... SMACK! ... Before blasting her with a hard open-hand slap! He then mocks Ric Flair as Drea continues to lean up against the ropes, strutting across the ring before bouncing off the ropes and charging back towards Andrea, but the Babe dives forward out of the way, causing Dagda to bounce off the ropes, and she sneaks up behind him to scoop him from behind with a rollup! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! "Andrea very nearly pulled that win out," says Comet. "But Citizen Dagda still has a little too much power!" Drea beats Danny to his feet and pushes him back against the ropes, and then grabs him by the wrist as she attempts to whip him across the ring, but her much stronger foe reverses. Dagda scoops her up into his arms as she bounces off the ropes... WHAM! ... But the Babe reverses, locking her legs around his neck and taking him over in a flying headscissors! She beats him to his feet and leaps into the air... WHAM! ... Slamming him in the chest with a front dropkick that knocks him off-balance! Sensing the opportunity to capitalize, Drea leaps onto his shoulders and locks her legs behind his head, arching backwards to take him over with a hurricanrana, but the Big Bruiser uses his mass and raw power to keep from falling over, holding Drea suspended upside down! Without warning, he jerks her up in the air until the small of her back is level with his shoulder, and then presses her against it as he locks in a Canadian backbreaker! "Canadian Backbreaker," exclaims Riley. "This match is over! What a tremendous victory by Danny Dagda this is going to be!" Referee Cortez keeps his eyes trained on Montgomery, constantly checking to see whether or not she has submitted. "Things are looking bleak for Citizen Montgomery," moans Comet. "She's going to have to hope for a miracle to get out of this!" Cortez asks Andrea if she's ready to give up, and she looks like she's on the verge of saying yes... CRACK! ... When suddenly, out of nowhere, Birdman sneaks back into the ring, armed with a lead pipe, and smashes it into the back of Dagda's head! "What a shot," shouts Comet. "A lead pipe to the back of the head! And you'd best believe that wasn't made of balsa wood!" Dagda drops Montgomery to the mat and then turns to face his attacker... CRACK! ... Only to be smashed again by Birdman and his lead pipe, this time, right in the face! CRACK! A shot to the left knee takes that wheel out... CRACK! ... Followed by one to the right knee! This takes Danny off of his feet, making him a more viable target for the Birdman. Birdy takes off towards the edge of the ring and bursts into the air as he bounces off the ropes... WHACK! ... Crushing Dagda's skull with a flying pipe shot! "My word," cries Comet. "Not even a man as tough as Danny Dagda will be able to take much more of that!" Birdman drops down and applies a cover, even hooking the leg as the referee gets into position: ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Dagda gets the shoulder up! "Thank God," sighs Riley. "It would have been utterly bogus for Birdman to win like that, especially after Dagda's tried so hard to keep this match clean!" "Clean," barks Comet. "You mean like launching Birdman through a table outside the ring? Weren't you saying something about karma earlier?" Birdman pulls Danny to his feet and grabs him by the wrist, whipping towards the edge of the ring, but the Big Bruiser still reverses easily. Birdman leaps into the air, extending his body in a cross-body block position, only to be caught in midair by Dagda... WHAM! ... But Drea sneaks up behind Danny and rises up on her knees, causing Dagda to fall to the mat as Birdman's momentum causes him to trip backwards over Andrea's back! Team Flip Flop gets to their feet rather than attempt a cover and pull Dagda to his feet. They each grab a wrist and whip him into the ropes, leaping into the air as he bounces back... BANG! ... And knocking him down with a double dropkick! The fans in the Gund go crazy as the Chick and the Chicken bounce to their feet, bursting with adrenaline! "Team Flip Flop is on fire," proclaims Comet, as Drea removes one of the turnbuckle pads in the corner, while Birdy keeps Danny at bay with kicks. She then helps him pull Dagda to his feet and they both whip him across the ring into the opposite corner. They bend down and grab him by the waist as he stagger out of the corner, lifting him into the air... WHAM! ... And dropping him face-first into the exposed turnbuckle with a double-flapjack! Team Flip Flop turn Dagda around to face the ring and then both perform a simultaneous backflip, announcing to their fans their finisher! "Here it comes," shrieks Comet, as Drea runs to the apron. "If they hit this, it's all over!" Drea leaps onto the top turnbuckle behind Dagda in one fluid motion as Birdy steps away from the corner to get a running start, and then he dashes back towards the corner, diving towards Dagda's legs as Andrea dives forward... WHAM! ... Planting a knee into the back of his head and driving it into the mat with their patented Cattle Brand/diving leg takedown combination! "Flip Flop Drop," shouts Comet, as they both collapse on top of Dagda. "He's not going to get up from that!" ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! "Flip Flop Drop wins it," says Comet, as Team Flip Flop slides out of the ring. "And this match is mercifully over! We'll be right back!"

SWF Smarkdown returns from another fantastic commercial to an image of...an empty hallway. How fascinating. But wait! Footsteps! Not just any footsteps, light, possibly even feminine, footsteps. The camera pans around to focus on the source of the footsteps, Andrea Montgomery. She’s completely unaware of the camera directly in front of her, not that hard to do considering the time she’s spent with the SWF. Andrea continues on down the corridor, perhaps hoping to gain overness in the process. No, she stops in front of a door, turns the knob and walks in, the cameraman following close behind. As Andrea tosses her bag into an empty chair, several faint scuffling and thumping sounds emanate from several areas of the dressing room. “Hello? Zenon said this was my personal room. Is there anybody in here?” Andrea asks, hoping with all her might that it’s not Ebony in there, crouching behind a chair. Andrea looks around and behind each piece of furniture and is about to go back to her bag when she notices the slim set of lockers against the wall. “Oh yeah, there’s that miniature Edwin around. Seems like more than enough room for him to hide out,” Andrea says, partly to herself and partly to the viewing audience. Andrea glances around the room, looking for a weapon of some kind, finds nothing and decides to face whatever might be in the locker head-on. With a deep breath, Andrea grabs hold of the door and flings it open. Andrea sputters and takes a step back, allowing the camera to get a great shot over her shoulder. A great shot of tiny Chinese people in what would best be described as recreating scenes from the movie Cliffhanger. Andrea violently shakes her head, but the foot-tall Chinese people remain. She grabs the next locker door and opens it roughly with the same result. Tiny Chinese people with tiny climbing gear somehow sunk into the smooth metal surface of the locker, one hand outstretched, trying desperately to hold on to a companion below, all wearing wide-brimmed rice field worker hats. Fearing the worse, Andrea hesitantly opens the final locker, but instead of movie scene recreations, there are a multitude of tiny Chinese people skydiving, but still with the wide-brimmed hats. With three quick flicks, Andrea slams the lockers shut, walks to the middle of the room, and slumps down in a chair, massaging her temples. “That...not real...too tired from workout this morning...that’s it...dehydrated...water...” Andrea mumbles to herself, trying to find some sort of explanation for the appearance of tiny Chinese people in her dressing room. Andrea casts her eyes about the room and notices a mini-fridge situated in a corner. Relieved, she walks over, crouches down, and opens the door. A quiet sob escapes her throat, prompting the cameraman to rush over, broadcasting another group of tiny Chinese people, this time in tiny parkas and coats to help ward of the cold of the refrigerator, but the wide-brimmed rice paddy worker hats are ever present. Appearing to have accepted the tiny Chinese people, Andrea reaches inside for a bottle of water before she notices empty packets of macadamia nuts and other items. “You little bastards! Zenon’s going to charge me for this! I can’t afford pretzels and what’s this? Scotch? You sons of bitches!” Andrea shrieks upon finding not one, but THREE tiny empty bottles of scotch. Andrea lashes out, sending one of the miniature Chinese people flying across the miniature refrigerator. Rather than the expected reaction of cringing in fear, the remaining Chinese people begin clapping their hands and stamping their feet excitedly. Trying her best not to scream uncontrollably, Andrea slowly closes the door and sits down on the carpet. “Okay, Andrea. There are tiny Chinese people in your dressing room. What to do, what to do...” Andrea says, trying to maintain some shred of sanity. “Simple, just round them up...round them up and...and let’s just cross that bridge when we come to it...” Andrea trails off. Andrea grabs her bag, unzips it and dumps the contents on the ground. She marches over to a cabinet, breathes deeply and pulls the door open. The cameraman maneuvers around Andrea, showing the scene from her perspective. The scene, is...quite interesting. This cabinet houses the largest of the tiny Chinese people groups, as well over one hundred of them are in the small space. Their actions, are by far the oddest, too. They’ve taken matchbooks, ashtrays, bottle caps, paper clips, and other bits of trash and debris to make several barricades. Why would tiny Chinese people need barricades in a cabinet? They’re for the Civil War battle reenactment, of course! Tiny Chinese people, gray and blue period costumes (But still wearing those rice worker hats), some sprawled on the bottom of the cabinet, feigning death for a multitude of spectators, while a great many more dash about with tiny rifles, shooting at each other. And judging by the numerous fake beards, Antietam is being recreated at this moment. “Okay, they’ve got sharp pieces of wood. No need for me to hurt myself over some damn tiny Chinese people,” Andrea rationalizes. Defeated, Andrea walks back to put her things back in her bag before she notices something among her personal items. Her hand shoots down and closes around a can of hair spray. Andrea rushes back to the cabinet and crouches down, a bit of a demented look in her eyes. “Okay you little bastards, you want to reenact some battles? How about some World War One stuff? OH NO, MUSTARD GAS!!” Andrea screams as she sprays the entire can into the cabinet and quickly slams the door shut, locking the tiny Chinese reenactors inside. Several scuffling sounds come from the cabinet, but after a few minutes, silence. Andrea keeps the door closed, however, until a soft thump can be heard. She sits, waiting, until a staccato of thumps penetrates the air. Andrea slowly opens the door and sees all of the tiny Chinese people unconscious. She gathers them up and places them in her bag before moving on to the mini-fridge. Andrea opens the door cautiously, on the slim chance that the tiny Chinese people might have some means of communication with each other. The fact that these remember Andrea as the one who launched on of their own across the refrigerator and start clapping and stamping again shows that they do not have any communication with the other ‘societies’. “Okay, look. You have got to go. All of you. It’s just really freaking me out. You guys are creepy. Plus, you’ve been eating all these damn macadamia nuts!” Andrea says. The tiny Chinese people look around at each other, then back up at Andrea, then start clapping, stamping, and now smiling broadly. “No. Listen you freaks, get in this bag, right now!” Andrea shouts, in the hopes that sheer intimidation might work. It doesn’t, and the tiny Chinese people continue to flash smiles, clap their hands, and stamp their feet, with a few excited, high-pitched squirrel-like chitters thrown in for good measure. Andrea reaches into the refrigerator and grabs hold of two of the tiny Chinese people and roughly places them in her bag. As she reaches for another handful, the first two scamper out and begin chittering wildly. Andrea realizes that the tiny Chinese people won’t come peaceably, so she quickly grabs a tiny bottle of scotch. She unscrews the cap, grabs a lighter, lights it and takes a big gulp of the scotch. With a tiny amount of accuracy, Andrea spews the alcohol directly at the flame and more importantly, the tiny Chinese people in the tiny refrigerator. The ball of fire stops just short of engulfing the refrigerator-dwelling miniature Chinese people, but one would assume they feel the heat and have a vague idea as to the meaning behind it. Sadly, they don’t as they simply begin clapping, stamping, smiling, and chittering with more vigor than previously imagined. Furious over the situation, Andrea takes another mouthful of scotch and bellows another plume of fire, this time, though, Andrea leans a bit closer, allowing the flames to enter the tiny refrigerator. Andrea quickly slams the door shut, knowing that the fire will consume whatever oxygen is in the tiny fridge, leaving the tiny Chinese people none for breathing (Thanks Bill Nye the Science Guy!). Andrea waits for the tell-tale scuffling, then the group of thumps that mean unconsciousness. Andrea opens the door and scoops the tiny Chinese people into her bag. “Okay, two places down, hopefully just one more to go,” Andrea says, referring of course to the trio of lockers housing mountain climbing and skydiving tiny Chinese people. Andrea walks over to the set of lockers, and opens the first. She looks around, then closes the door. “Oh no! EARTHQUAKE!!” Andrea screams and begins violently shaking the locker. Andrea opens the door after a full minute of shaking to see all of the Cliffhanger recreators on the bottom of the locker, out cold. Andrea calmly slides them into her bag and moves on to the next locker, shaking it as well. Andrea opens the door and puts this batch of tiny Chinese people into her bag and moves on to the third and final locker. She opens it and looks at the skydiving Chinese people then at the hot-air balloon at the top of the locker where they jump from. “This might not be solved by just shaking the locker. I mean, they’ve got parachutes, so they’ll just float, regardless of what I do,” Andrea says. Andrea pauses to think for a moment, then her eyes light up, an idea formed. She slides the locker away from the wall, backs up, and shoves with all her might, sending it toppling over. With a loud crash, it lands on its side. Andrea crouches, grabs the bottom and heaves, turning the locker completely upside down. “That should do it, I hope,” Andrea says and opens the door. A few tiny Chinese people spill out, all unconscious. Andrea looks inside, reaches in, and begins pulling unconscious tiny Chinese people out and placing them in her gym bag. “I really hope that’s the last of them. That damn scotch was horrible!” Andrea says. Hefting up the bulging bag, Andrea walks around the dressing room, looking for areas that tiny Chinese people might hide in. Short of slicing up furniture, Andrea finds nothing in the room. “Okay, now what to do with these?” Andrea asks herself. “Wonder if there’s a box in here,” Andrea speculates. As luck would have it, there is a fairly large cardboard box in the dressing room. And, luckily, all of the tiny Chinese people manage to fit very well inside of it. Andrea rummages around the room again and finds a piece of paper. She grabs a pen and quickly scribbles something on the paper. Andrea lifts up the box, grabs the paper, and opens the door to her dressing room. She spots a nearby table with a few bottles of water and quickly places the box on the table with the paper propped against it. Andrea goes back to her room and closes the door. The camera pans around to the box, displaying the sign which reads: “Free - Chinese Figurines” before fading out.

Card: LAST MATCH EVAR BEFORE GENESIS FIVE OHMYGOD!!!! “Grand Slam” Mark Stevens vs. Johnny Dangerous ~ Both men have got big plans for the biggest show of the year, but first they must fight eachother to the death! Makes enough sense. A win here could solidify Dangerous as one of the federation’s best modern competitors, while a win for Mark could prove that he’s finally and completely shaken off all of that damned ring rust… So yes, fight. Rules: Standard-palooza! ESCAPE-ONLY RULES CAGE MATCH OF DOOM!! “The Icon” Max King vs. Candace ~ Candace is making some WACKY progression as a character, and Maddix is still wanting to prep himself up for his Genesis match. Eh, throw them together, only one comes out. Huzzah! Do your best pre-Genesis, my pretties! Rules: It’s a cage match, so no disqualifications and all that fun stuff. No pins or submissions. One can win ONLY by escaping the cage by going OVER the top. The door is on vacation. HANDICAPPED HARDCORE MATCH OF DOOM! Andrea Montgomery and Birdman vs. Danny Dagda Oh shit. Dagda barked up the wrong tree. And that tree is Zed. See where putting your feet on the commissioner’s desk gets you!? DO YOU SEE!? Rules: Everyone in the ring at once. No DQ’s or count-outs. First to get a pin or submission wins. Woo.

Thoth is an IDIOT. Do not send ANYTHING to me. TNT books this next show. -Z

Whoa, and we're, like, friends and stuff. I ain't never scared! Have a good one, Kibagami. -Z

It was, actually, but I think I may have accidentally edited the haitus tag off of your name in CC. Oops. Sorry. -Z

The Smartmark's Wrestling Federation Presents... SWF STORM! LIVE, FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 3rd, FROM THE *SOLD OUT* JOE LOUIS ARENA IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN! (5pm PCT, 8pm EST; check local listings) MAIN EVENT Toxxic vs "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens The Suicide King has pushed and pulled and plotted and schemed; coyly toyed and harshly threatened, and at long last, has succeeded in forcing Alex Zenon's hand into signing this match. Everyone knows the sad story of King and Mark: former friends turned bitter enemies, who faced numerous times but we never able to come to any closure on their dispute. Now, King has seized the perfect oppertunity in one of his most despicable actions to date, forcing Mark back into action and trying to throw every last thing the SWF has to offer at him. And now, he faces the sittifest competition yet, the former world champion, the Straight-Edge Sensation... Toxxic. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit:5000 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom ICTV TITLE BOUT NO-DQ MATCH The Masked Man vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© In an amusing twist, these two men have entered the good graces of the fans at almost exactly the same time, so it seems a fitting enough moment for a nice, friendly contest between the two. The fighting champion and the tough contender in a little exhibition. Just something nice and friendly. Rules: No disqualifications. Oh yeah. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: realitycheck FINISHER MATCH "The Notorious" John Duran vs Nathan Xavier John Duran has not been keeping up with his desire to get back into the main event; his hunger to beat someone profound enough to push him back into the upper eschelon of the SWF. A win over Mark Stevens not withstanding, Duran has floundered since his return. Although Nathan Xavier isn't the best option for a person to get themselves back on track, a win is still a win, and Duran's decided to make this a little more interesting with a special little stipulation... Rules: The Flatliner vs. The Blunt Force Trauma. First man to hit their finisher wins; the match ends no other way. There aren't any other rules to speak of. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Suicide King CRUSIERWEIGHT RULES MATCH Ryan Dustin vs The Birdman Rematch... hoooooooooo! Ryan Dustin has yet to cash in his shot at Tom Flesher's Cruserweight Title, so this match cannot be another #1 contendership bout. Birdman doesn't seem so concerned, though, as he's been clamouring for a second tilt with Davis for a little while now, and he gets his wish for Storm. Rules: Cruserweight rules, baybee. No explanation for that idea required. Word Limit: 4750 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom TRIPLE THREAT USJL TITLE BOUT Ace Lezaire vs Bryan Levy vs David Cross© Mike says the booking for this match is baffling. Man... fuck him. It's certainly not the best match I've ever made (that's something I'd need to think about for a while), but it's not particularly illogical or anything. Yes, Muzz and Kibagami can compete at main event level, but Muzz has openly stated that he doesn't enjoy and doesn't particularly want to be at the highest point on the card and the entire point of new characters like Levy are so their writers don't have to go right back into the ME. I think the most questionable thing about the match is whether or not Levy, as a character, is even at USJL level right now, but I think you can play that off as being thrust into the match due to the way King is high on him getting up to face Toxxic. Ace fits in anywhere between the USJL and the ICTV. And Cross... well, David's the champion. What does he care, so long as he retains his belt? Rules: Standard rules. First pin wins. Word Limit: 4750 Send To: Thoth SINGLES MATCH Andrea Montgomery vs Austin Sly After a few shows off, Andrea Montgomery is back in action against Austin Sly on Storm, who unfortunately missed out on his St. Louis homecoming last show. Never the less, one would think victory is a little sweeter than the glow of the fans, so he looks to take out Drea here. Rules: Stanard singles match Word Limit: 4500 Send To: realitycheck SINGLES MATCH Mike Van Siclen vs Sean Davis The Urban Empire's leader takes on the muscle end of Rev0 in the second stable match of the night, and you just know that Mike Van Siclen wishes this could be leader vs leader. Much to Mike's chagrin, Toxxic's priority list doesn't have him at the top, but a victory here will definitely help his case. Rules: Neither Rev0 or the Urban Empire are allowed at ringside. If any member of either stable shows up, their rep in this match will be disqualified. Word Limit: 4500 Send To: chirs3 SINGLES MATCH Spike Jenkins vs Todd Cortez The newest chapter is open on the long and storied line of stable feuds in the SWF, and with any luck, Revolution Zero vs the Urban Empire should be just as grand as such epic feuds as the Midnight Carnival vs the Magnificent 7, the Clan vs everyone else, and the Alley vs XF9. In the first of two stable themed matches tonight, Spike Jenkins takes on Todd Cortez. Rules: Neither Rev0 or the Urban Empire are allowed at ringside. If any member of either stable shows up, their rep in this match will be disqualified. Word Limit: 4500 Send To: Thoth (Send all things to Thoth) (Card is lacking descriptions, which I will add in the morning. I'm beat. If your match doesn't appear to make sense, then clearly you don't have my incredible booking third eye and will need to wait until I can explain my genius to you phillistines. Pwah.)

Some of you may notice something slightly different about the card, now. Keen eyes only need apply. -Z

Why? Because we can steal more than writers from the OAOAST, goddamnit. Seriously, though, Mike suggested that we have a booking thread for Storm, which basically reviews what everyone would like to have set up on the show (in terms of matches), gets the bookers clear on any current angles that are happening, and gives an oppertunity for people to figure out any future plans and ask right in the open if people are occupied with anything. Genesis is not as far away as you guys think. That said, I'll begin with a question: Zack, Mike, SS, you guys are faces now... right? I'd like to post the roster in CC for easy reference, but it hasn't been updated in about 10 days. -Z

An interesting selection of almost-matches populate the show today. Check them out. I would've liked to see more promos, but not getting them is something I'm used to by now. The card should be up relatively soon, as the booking thread makes things considerably easier. -Z

The opening pyro fires off as the theme music fades away. SWF Smarkdown is alive and in the hizzouse, ready to breathe life to the Savvis Center which has been sold out for weeks. The St. Louis fans are rabid, raging, and all out looking for a good time. There good time is about to be brought to them, but it seems as soon as the screen fills, letting them know they are on the air, the lights in the arena drop. Comet: “Greetings fellow Citizens, it is I Cyclone Comet here with my ludicrous partner…” Riley: “-Sir Robert Riley. Welcome to Smarkdown!” Comet: “Indeed. However the lights have just went out, who in the thousands of people that do that is making his entrance?” The audience receives there answer the same time as Comet does, as Marilyn Manson’s ‘Dope Hat’ hits the speakers, to a reaction that sends vibrations chilling down their spines. Jamie Drazon walks through the curtains, looking high above the ring to see the structure of the cell there. Although his emotions seem to hint a degree of pleasure, Drazon doesn’t even crack a smile as he walks down the isle, whatever is on his mind leading the way. Comet: “Last week, Jamie Drazon earned the right to face our World Champion, Johnny Dangerous. However he gets the right, which is in a match that heavily suits his influence.” Riley: “Massacre in a Cell! HA HA HA!! Johnny Dangerous, who got his opportunity as a gift from Toxxic, has to go up against this man, with no escape! Every possible exit is covered, 15 feet high solid steel structure. Oh it’s heaven.” The crowd is cheering for him as he rolls inside the ring, the music beginning to fade as he gets himself a microphone. Comet: “Drazon is looking to cement his status in the main event here. A win over the current world champion, no matter who it is, is definitely a way to do it.” As if he’s ready to speak, the crowd starts a bit of an uproar, letting the Maniac inside the ring know that they are behind him. He takes a moment to inhale, letting their energy soak into his inner circle. However as they continue to get louder, he finally cuts them off. Jamie: “What you supply is an abundant source… to which I say Thank You. However whether it’s good or bad… it’s only an addition. Tonight I will do what I have come here to do, with or without your help!” Some feel JD is turning his back, so they respond with boos, but many want Drazon to continue. Jamie: “The one thing this fed craves more then anything else is the sight of a hero. The person to stand up for what you believe in. They call them larger then life. They are considered the unstoppable forces! They’re that good feeling you have inside when the right thing is done.” Comet: “What is Drazon getting at here?” Riley: “The use of our hero’s.” Jamie: “However 10 days ago. You… the fans… finally found yourselves a hero. A man who was able to stand up for you… able to say what was on your chests. A man who was finally able to resist, the irresistible evil forces within. Johnny Dangerous took down the Bad Guy!” The crowd cheers once more for Johnny’s title reign, as Drazon calmly looks up to the cell above him, waiting for them to silence. Jamie: “Congratulations Johnny. You did the Undoable. You conquered the in conquerable. You’ve achieved what many have dreamed of doing. Hell, you followed your dream up the mountain, and plan to stay at the top... For that, I say congrads on the completion of your dream…” Feeling a bit more of what Drazon is saying, the crowd continues to cheer, but now directing them towards the Maniac inside as well. Comet: “Drazon rightfully extending his respect to Johnny Dangerous!” Jamie: “However where many see you have succeeded, Johnny. That’s where I believe you have failed. You may have taken down a bad guy, but you are not the man for the job. In fact… Johnny Dangerous… You are about to go One on One with the baddest one of them all!” Many stay on Drazon’s side, but he pays no matter to the crowd’s growing antagonism. Jamie: “I am not a hero! I never was, as I have no sides! I’m in fact that last bloody person you want to see tonight!” Riley: “Ahh… the only side of JD I like, the one that doesn’t give a damn!” Jamie: “I won’t tell the crowd to do what’s good for them and I refuse to be a bitch! However Johnny, all is not like that with you. I salute you for taking the opportunity that was given to you… but you took it during my rise to the top! You have been given the throne to King of the Mountain. The Mountain of legends, when you are at the top, everyone knows you’re the top dog. You are not the top dog, Johnny Dangerous. You are just something in my way.” Comet: “Harsh words from Jamie Drazon!” The crowd agrees with their masked superhero as Drazon now gets a mixed reaction, many carrying there boos with them. Jamie: “I have beaten the strong and the weak. The big and the small. The tough and the fragile. Each one, without so much as a sliver of remorse. That is not what matters. It is tonight, Johnny Dangerous, where you fight me one on one. Hell in a Cell. Whether I win or lose tonight my friend… I’m gonna kick your ass. And that…” Drazon invites the camera to come up real close, capturing the beaming in his baby blue eyes. Jamie: “Is really all there is to it.” The hate in the crowd is silent, as Drazon’s last few words are uttered with intense determination. Letting the mic drop from his hands, letting the “MMMFF” muffle out to the crowd. They stand there silent, unsure of which side to take. Although they are even more unsure if it will even matter. Comet: “Jamie Drazon will go up against Johnny Dangerous tonight for the World Heavyweight Championship! Don’t change the channel… we’ll be right back!” Riley: “Let’s go, Drazon! Kill Johnny!” Comet: "Oh quiet, you."

The mood in the air is quite palpable tonight. The fans have waited all night; watching and hoping that the next match would see the giant metal structure hanging high above the ring come into play. Finally, the time has come, and they know it, as the final match of the evening is upon is; the World Heavyweight Title match! The house lights drop out, leaving only a few flashing lights to illuminate the steel cage, and the cage shimmers magnificently. It begins it’s descent towards the floor, and as it finally moves the crowd lets out a booming cheer! “Welcome back, Citizens,” pipes the voice of Cyclone Comet, as the cameras follow the cage to the floor, “and welcome to our main event! As you can see that massive cage is coming down at last, and in just a few moments our World Champion, Johnny Dangerous, will make his first title defense against the number one contender, Jamie Drazon, in a match that we lovingly call… Hell in a Cell!” “Drazon had some choice words for the Champion earlier this evening,” adds Bobby, surprisingly staying objective thus far as the cameras move to the announcers table. “He said that Johnny may have climbed the mountain and achieved his goals of being the Champion, but that he was going to be the man to toss Johnny Dangerous’ ass off the top like a punk bitch!” “He said no such thing, Citizen Robert! You lie with a filthy tongue!” snaps Comet. “Citizen Drazon simply acknowledged Agent Dangerous’ success then stated that he would give the Barracuda the fight of his life!” “That’s exactly what I just said,” Riley returns. “Jesus, I think that mask blocks out any common sense going into your brain!” “Well,” Comet snips at his broadcast partner, “it looks like the cage is ready, so without further ado let’s turn this one over to our esteemed ring announcer, Funyon!” Funyon stands in the middle of the squared circle as a single spotlight shines down through the metal cage onto him, and already a crackling and a buzz can be heard from the crowd. He shuffles through his index cards then politely clears his throat before bringing the microphone to his lips. “Ladies and gentlemen,” bellows Funyon. “The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL, and it will be a HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR THE SMARTMARK WRESTLING FEDERATION WORLD… HEAVYWEIGHT… CHAMPIONSHIP!!” “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” The fans pop brilliantly for the announcement, but their cheers soon fade along with the lights, as they dim all the way down. “Introducing first…” Funyon continues, and Marilyn Manson’s “Dope Show” begins to pound from the speakers! Strobes fire up, keeping in perfect time with the music, and another loud cheer escapes from the fans. The mixed reaction they gave Drazon earlier is seemingly forgotten for the time being as it only gets louder when the scrappy Jamie Drazon stomps out from behind the curtains! “… the Challenger! From Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and weighing in at two hundred and forty-three pounds; ‘THE HAAAAAAAAARDCORE MANIIIIAAAAAAAAC’ JAAAAMIE DRAAAAAAAAZOOOOOOOOON!!!” “Citizen Drazon certainly looks pumped coming into this match,” Comet notes, as Drazon plods down the ramp, pantomiming a title belt around his waist. “Some might say that Jamie even has an advantage in this Hell in a Cell match, as it can definitely draw the beast out of a man, and that’s a place where he’d feel right at home.” “That some would be one hundred percent correct than, Comet! Jamie Drazon is a king of the hardcore environment. Where there are no rules, he makes his own, and you’d better be damned sure you don’t break any of them! This match is his for the taking, and I’d be surprised if Johnny only walked out of this match with one broken appendage!” Jamie walks up to the cage and gives it a good solid shake, testing it’s sturdiness for when he sends the Barracuda flying into the side of the cage wall. Satisfied, the Challenger enters through the door and slides into the ring. When he stands back up to his feet, he rises with his arms held up high into the air then leans back and cuts loose with a mighty howl! “Yup, I’d have to say he’s ready to deal out an ass whopping just like he promised!’ “Shut up, Riley!” “Dope Show” fades away and the crowd immediately jumps up to their feet, eagerly anticipating the immanent arrival of the World Champion. Much to their joy, a voice picks up on the speakers, whispering a name in a deep, sultry voice… “JOHNNY DANGEROUS~!” His name barely has the chance to echo out before the techno driven sounds of “After the Flesh” begin thumping from the speakers, and the crowd absolutely erupts! Smoke begins billowing from the sides of the stage as the music builds, and strobes fire up on all sides. When the song really kicks in is when the Barracuda slides out onto the stage, illuminated in short burst by the strobes until finally emerging at the top of the stage to a tremendous pop! He stands there with his arms stretched out high so the entire world can see the World Title strapped around HIS waist… for what could be the very last time. “And his opponent,” booms Funyon. “From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds! He is the current and reigning S-W-F WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIOOOOOOON… JOOOHNNY “THE BAAARRAAACUDAAAAA” DAAAANGEROUUS!!!” “What a match Agent Dangerous has setting before him,” Comet excitedly says. “He’s making his first defense here tonight as World Champion, and I know he certainly doesn’t want to go down in flames on a first defense like some of our previous Champions in recent times have.” “I don’t think he has much of a choice, Comet! He’s a Paper Champion to begin with. He only won that belt by the luck of the draw, and now he has to defend it in a match that he is obviously out of place in! I’d say his chances of coming out of this match with the belt are as likely as the Suicide King and Grand Slam hanging out together at Gen Con!” Johnny makes his way to ringside with his eyes seemingly entranced by the massive steel cage. He stares up at the cage awkwardly, almost nervously, but he knows that his fans came here to see a match tonight, and win or loose that’s exactly what he plans to give them! He walks through the cage door and cringes when he hears the clanging sound of the door slamming shut behind him and the rattling chains moving to secure it closed. Indeed, this will be a fight to the finish! “Is that a bit of fright I detect from Johnny Dangerous there?” says Bobby, evilly snickering like a campy villain from Batman the TV series. “I think he knows how bad those boots of JD’s will hurt when they’re shoved so far up his a-!” “There is a tremendous amount of pressure riding on this match, Citizen Robert!” snaps Comet, cutting Bobby completely off. “Whoever wins here tonight will be the man to walk into Genesis as the World Heavyweight Champion – the main event of our biggest pay per view of the year! If you think these men aren’t worried than you’re a bigger fool than I ever imagined!” Riley just whimpers while Johnny pushes all worries behind him and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He unfastens the title belt from his waist and raises it out to the crowd before handing it off to Mark Hebner, the official for this match. The ref neatly tucks the straps of the belt under the gold emblem then shows it to Drazon, who nods at the notion, and then the crowd, letting them feast their eyes on the coveted prize before tucking it away in a corner. Never to be seen again until this match is over with… at least he hopes. DING DING DING!!! “Bells gone,” says Comet. “Time to see where destiny lies for these two men!” The last ding of the bell has barely echoed off through the arena, and already these fans are on their feet cheering whole heartedly. Chants of “JOOOOHN-E” and “JAAAAAMI-E” fire up, casting aside all thoughts of this crowd being firmly behind only a single competitor tonight… at least for the time being. Nothing is said between the two men in the ring; not a single utterance of smack talk, bragging, or even threats. Instead they simply lock eyes, waiting to catch the other man making his first mistake of the match. After a short delay, Johnny simply nods his head at Drazon, who returns the notion back at Dangerous before they launch into a slow-paced circle of one another, looking for that opening. “If that were the Jamie Drazon of a year ago, he would of snapped Johnny’s head off his neck and spit down his throat for that,” says Riley. “He’s lucky Jamie’s keeping a level head for this match.” “Indeed, and Citizen Drazon will certainly want to keep his cool in this match, least he hands the Barracuda an opening on a silver platter!” Suddenly, Jamie breaks the circle and fakes storming in on Johnny, getting the Barracuda to snap to the defensive. However, Drazon isn’t coming in for the kill just yet, and Johnny isn’t coming in to close either. Slowly, they stand up straight and begin moving around each other in a circle once more… “Jesus Christ already!” cries Bobby, watching the two competitors maneuver around the other. “For crying out loud this is a HELL in a CELL! They should be drenched in each others blood by now!” “These two are careful not to rush into a bad situation and rightfully so,” replies Comet. “This is a match for the World Heavyweight Championship… a match for the main event of Gene-” “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” But before the masked announcer can even finish his statement, the two gladiators, suddenly, and simultaneously, charge in and collide with a massive collar-and-elbow tie up, fighting for purchase as the crowd roars with excitement! “HERE WE GO!” It’s a bait and switch though, as Johnny knows he wants to avoid being within arms reach of his opponent and avoid those devastating strikes. He quickly breaks the tie up while grabbing Drazon’s arm and spinning around behind him for a hammerlock! The Barracuda cranks back on the arm, but Jamie isn’t about to start handing over body parts this early on without a fight! He quickly spins around, ripping his arm free of Johnny’s grasp and nailing the Secret Agent in the jaw with a spinning elbow! CRACK! Johnny stumbles back from the shot, having been caught by total surprise! He barely has the chance to react though, let alone put up a defensive measure as Drazon closes the distance in mere seconds with fist-a-swinging! Jamie swings his fist out and just SLAMS it straight into the Barracuda’s temple then follows that with his other fist, rocking Johnny Dangerous’ entire world! WHAM! Johnny falls backwards into the ropes, frantically flailing his arms in distress, and unwillingly feeding those arms straight to the Challenger. Drazon grabs onto him, slapping on a quick arm wrench then steps forward, whipping the World Champion across the ring! Johnny hits the ropes and springs back towards his opponent, who waits for the return, but before Drazon can get his intended kicking leg hiked up, Johnny leaps into the air… WHACK! …and slams into Drazon with a flying body press, flooring the Challenger instantaneously! Johnny stays right on top of the Hardcore Maniac, hoping for a quick pin as Hebner drops to count for… ONE! NOOO!! Drazon easily kicks out, ending the count just after one. “Citizen Drazon might want to avoid those flying attacks of Johnny’s in the future,” says Comet. “A maneuver like that later on in the match could have realistically ended it for him there.” “Fortunately for him Johnny doesn’t know to save those kinds of attacks for later,” adds Bobby. “Johnny just comes at you with whatever sounds good at the moment, not even thinking that he could save it for later use.” “It’s not like you can only use the same move once, Citizen Robert.” “Gee, I remember telling you that a couple of weeks ago myself,” replies Bobby, rolling his eyes at his broadcast partner. “However, Jamie Drazon now knows to expect that from the Barracuda, and avoid it at all cost!” Drazon tries to quickly get back on his feet and get back on the defensive path, but Johnny knows to get his shots in whenever he can with this man. He catches the Hardcore Maniac right when he stands up with a solid kick to the ribs that send Drazon stumbling back, having not yet regained his proper footing. Johnny moves in, kicking his leg into the Challenger’s head- WHACK! -Only to get dropped to the mat like a bad habit as Drazon desperately arcs back to avoid the blast, then quickly fires off a forearm blast into the Barracuda’s face! Johnny doesn’t let it stop him though, as he bounces back to his feet as quick as ever! Quite possibly he could have a thicker skull than what the Hardcore Maniac would have thought. Nonetheless, Drazon knows he can hit the Champion even harder and so he moves in to do exactly that! As Johnny spins back around to face his opponent, Jamie greets him with a razor sharp knife-edged chop! SMACK! “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” The first chop being nothing more than a warning to the Barracuda, but he’d be a fool to think that Johnny Dangerous wouldn’t respond to the notion with a chop of his own! SMACK! “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” “Comet, call an ambulance. This is about to get nasty!” Drazon snarls as he fires back with another chop into Johnny’s chest, but Dangerous is still persistent, and quite possibly against better judgment he prepares to slice into Jamie’s chest again- SMACK! “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” SMACK! “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” SMACK! “WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” -and winds up on the receiving end as the Hardcore Maniac simply unloads into the Secret Agent with a series of eye-watering knife-edged chops, lighting up his chest! “This isn’t exactly the best method of attack for Agent Dangerous!” cries Comet, as Johnny staggers back into the ropes clutching his chest. “He needs to avoid getting into any sort of a striking battle against Citizen Drazon! Even as accomplished of a martial artist as the Barracuda is, he simply can not compete!” “Like that’ll stop him,” mutters Riley. “He can’t wrestle either, but that’s never kept him from stepping into the ring.” Jamie grabs Dangerous by the arm and pulls him off the ropes to fluidly move into whipping him across the ring. Johnny quickly reverses, but instead of sending the Challenger for the ride Johnny boots Drazon in the gut, doubling him back over. Johnny quickly snags Jamie’s head into a side headlock and clenches down as tight as he can before pulling Drazon across the ring, fully intending to clothesline him across the top rope! However, Jamie isn’t about to let any of those shenanigans play out tonight, and he quickly slams on the brakes, shoving Dangerous away! Johnny doesn’t even look back; instead he keeps on going, heading across the ring once more. He hits the ropes and bounces back towards the Hardcore Maniac, but Drazon isn’t about to get caught by the same move twice, and he rushes in looking for a clothesline and… WHACK! …it connects, and he sends Johnny to the mat with a thunderous clothesline! Now it’s Drazon’s turn to make for the cover, and he does so with Hebner counting for… ONE!! TW-NOOO!!!! Johnny kicks out just in the middle of two! Drazon grabs the Barracuda by his head and pulls him to his feet, tossing in a few shots to Johnny’s midsection to keep him subdued before spinning him around and locking his hands around the Barracuda’s waist from behind! Dangerous knows what’s coming up next and it’s all he can do to frantically grapevine his leg around his opponent’s leg as the Hardcore Maniac tries to haul him over for a German… NO! It stops the suplex as intended, giving Johnny enough time to send an elbow flying back into his opponent’s skull! Drazon grunts from the blow, but doesn’t budge until three more elbows thrown in rapid succession coming firing back at him! Finally, the strikes pay off and Jamie staggers back off the Secret Agent, releasing his hands from Johnny’s waist. However, instead of stunning Jamie long enough for the Secret Agent to reach a safe point like intended it only seems to enrage Drazon even more! He charges right back in from behind, just when Johnny thought he had a second to breathe… WHACK! …and clubs him right in the spine with a closed fist! Johnny arches back, crying out in pain as the crowd “OOOOOH”S!” from the hollow, bone filled THUNK~! that pierces through the sound waves! “OH!” Comet winces at the hit. “Citizen Drazon is bringing the same amount of aggression to this match that made him famous as a Hardcore Legend!” Drazon quickly seizes his opponent once more from behind then hauls him up, over, and into the canvas, neck-and-shoulders first with a mighty German suplex! WHAM! Then immediately floats over for the cover. ONEE!! TWOOO!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!! Johnny thrusts his shoulder of the mat just after two, saving himself from a loss for the time being. He gets back onto his feet with a hand to his neck, but is caught like a deer in the headlights of a speeding car as the Hardcore Maniac immediately swoops in and floors him with a running clothesline! Johnny pushes off the mat once more, this time noticeably slower though, and as he finds his way to his feet Drazon greets him with a knee into his chest, sending him stumbling backwards, then closes in and rattles Johnny’s brain with am uppercut that would make Mohammed Ali proud! WHAM! “Dear Zeus almighty!” shouts Comet. “Citizen Drazon is just tearing Agent Dangerous apart in there! Agent Dangerous needs to really get a hold of the situation or this could be a massacre!” “Win or lose, Jamie Drazon swore that he would be kicking the World Champion’s ass tonight,” says Bobby. “So far it looks like he’s doing just that!” Johnny starts to push himself off the mat, only to get stomped in the small of his back with a trademarked Jay Dawg black boot! Johnny cringes and groans in agony before two more, well placed stomps find there way into his back! WHAM! WHAM! Drazon watches with amusement as the Champion howls in pain. He never was much of a title chaser, but to know he can stand in the ring with the federation’s World Champion and simply manhandle him makes this scraper proud! Jamie backs away from Johnny then rushes back in and jumps up, bringing out his knee- WHACK! -but misses as Dangerous desperately rolls out of the way, and drops out of the ring to catch his breath. Jamie’s knee is left to connect with nothing more than the mat, and he lands on it hard with a tremendous thud as the crowd roars excitedly! “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” “AAAAARGH!” Jamie howls in pain while rolling onto his back, cradling his knee, “-and Agent Dangerous may have very well bought himself some precious time here!” shouts Comet. “Citizen Drazon came down on that knee awfully hard and he could have quite possibly fractured it in the process!” “As if, Comet! Even if Jamie shattered both kneecaps it wouldn’t stop him from breaking his foot off in Johnny’s ass!” Johnny moves to make good on this new situation, and quickly reaches into the ring, grabbing Drazon by the ankle and dragging him out with everything he’s got! Jamie drops to the outside floor, landing flat on his stomach, and his leg is snatched up by the Barracuda with quick precision. Johnny raises the leg up… then swings it down, slamming his kneecap into the thinly-padded floor! WHACK! “I can’t believe you actually approve of this, Comet! On a normal situation this kind of behavior would be highly uncouth, and you’d be crying fowl!” “Worry not, fair Citizen,” replies Comet, as Johnny grabs hold of Drazon’s ankle once again. “If he were actually breaking the rules of a match I’d be all over him like white on rice. However, as you can plainly see by the rather large steel cage directly in front of your eyes, anything goes in this kind of match!” WHACK! …and Johnny slams the Challenger’s knee into the floor once more, eliciting a howling cry of pain from Drazon’s lips in response! Jamie rolls onto his back, clutching firmly to his knee while grimacing in agony. Johnny reaches down, and grabs the Hardcore Maniac by his head, leading him to his feet while swinging his knee into Drazon’s ribs a couple of times to make sure his subdued. And apparently he is, at least suitably enough for the Secret Agent to drape one arm of the Challenger’s over his shoulder, grab around Jamie’s waist and hoist him up for a kneebreaker. Johnny quickly shoots Drazon’s bad leg, pulling it up as he takes a step towards the steel steps then swings the Challenger’s knee into the steps! CLANG~! “Oh!” shouts Comet, wincing as Drazon’s knee glances of the steel steps and he goes tumbling back, landing in a heap next to the cage wall. “It look’s like Agent Dangerous has found a primary target on Drazon – taking full advantage of Jamie coming down on that knee wrong.” “And like the bastard that he is, Johnny just keeps working that knee,” spits Riley. “He could at least make his own opening and not mooch of Jamie’s predicament!” Johnny pulls his opponent off the cage wall and up to his feet. He knows that if he wants to win this match he’s going to have to keep his momentum building and not let up for a second. He takes the Challenger by his neck-and-shoulders then rushes him alongside the outside, and launches Drazon, head-first into the side of the cage! SMACK! The crowd “OOOOH’S!” at the sight, and Drazon staggers backwards, falling right back into the Secret Agent’s waiting arms. Once more Johnny grabs onto his opponent, looking to charge him head-first into the cage, but a second before Jamie’s head connects he frantically throws up his arms and foot(even if it hurts him to do so), stopping his head from being driven into the cage a second time. He quickly fires back with an elbow, cranking it straight into the Barracuda’s temple with a loud CRACK~! “OOOOOOOH!” Johnny stumbles back with a hand to the side of his face, woozy from having the point of Jamie’s elbow nearly driven through his skull, “-and Jamie’s not the only one feeling the effects of things!” Riley excitedly shouts. “Johnny’s taken about a million shots to the head tonight, and I think that last one might have sent him to la-la land!” However, Johnny’s attempt to take the brutal fight to Drazon did one thing, and one thing only - make his blood boil! The crowd senses it, and as Jamie Drazon stalks in after Johnny, absolutely seething, distant visions of the Hardcore Maniac absolutely roasting one of his opponents over an open flame spring to mind. Jamie growls in pure madness as he swings his fist out and slams it into Johnny, burying his knuckles deep into Johnny’s cheek bone! WHAM! Drazon’s punch sends the Champion staggering backwards, seeing stars, and the Hardcore Manaic quickly closes the distance with a noticeable limp. He isn’t about to give Johnny a moments rest tonight unless it’s on his back with his lights knocked the hell out! Drazon pulls Johnny’s arm away from his face then ferociously cracks his forehead into Dangerous’ with a headbutt that sends Johnny reeling! He backpedals into the side of the cage, stunned out of his mind, and unable to offer up a defensive as the Hardcore Maniac grabs hold of him, spins him around, and rams the Barracuda’s face into the cage! WHACK! The crowd gasps in horror as Jamie peels Dangerous off the cage then rams his face back into it again, and again, and again, and again, “-and this is getting out of control!” shouts Comet. “Citizen Drazon has lost his mind!” But that isn’t anything to someone like the Hardcore Maniac! He takes hold of Johnny’s head, still pressing it firmly against the cage’s fenced siding, and just grinds his face into the metal like his head were a block of government cheese! “CRIPES!” cries Comet, cringing as Johnny’s forehead gashes open on the cage, and still Jamie persists as the Barracuda howls in agony! “I think this Hell in a Cell match is going just a bit too far now!” “Please, Comet, this is a match where it’s customary for someone to take a swan dive off the top of the cell!” snaps Riley. “We haven’t even gotten that far yet!” “Hopefully we won’t get there either!” fumes Comet, not wanting to pay witness to anyone’s career ending tonight. Meanwhile, the crowd starts to loudly chant for their hero in hopes that he’ll kick into gear: “LET’S GO JOHNNY, LET’S GO!” CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “LET’S GO JOHNNY, LET’S GO!” CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! Jamie just snarls at the notion then ends his rampage as he pulls Johnny off the cage and ferociously flings him down to the floor! The back of Dangerous’ head smacks into the thin blue pad with a mighty CRACK~! and he stays there, sprawled out on the outside floor – blood dripping from his forehead. Drazon hovers over the fallen World Champion the slowly raises his arms over his head and cuts loose with a fierce battle cry! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” “And not a well received response from the fans here at the Savvis Center,” notes Comet. “Strangely enough, this isn’t all too surprising as I don’t think they enjoy seeing one of their heroes trashed so badly!” “Tough cookies, says I,” replies Riley, as smug as ever. “It’s not Jamie’s fault he’s so vicious… well, maybe it is. But it’s Johnny’s fault for not putting a stop to him - You can’t blame Drazon for wanting to win!” Drazon finally chooses to ignore the response, dismissing the fans with a wave of his hand. He reaches down and pulls Johnny up by his head, only to get belted in the groin by a desperate Barracuda! “OOOOOOOOOH!!” Jamie’s mouth just drops as his eye glasses over, and he grabs onto his wounded crotch absolutely writhing in torment! Johnny pushes himself back to his feet then quickly spins completely around, nailing the Challenger with a spinning back-fist! WHACK! "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” “Finally!” exclaims Comet, as Drazon wobbles back from the shot. “Johnny Dangerous is starting to come alive in this match up!” Stalking forward ever so carefully, as he has yet to fully regain control from the dizzying effects of all the shots to the head, Johnny grabs Drazon and rolls him back into the ring then follows in after him. Jamie starts clawing his way back to his feet, knowing he can’t stop moving at a time like this, but as he staggers around to face the Champion- TH-WAAACK! -he’s met by a lighting quick, and absolutely brain jarring Shotei Palmstrike that sends him reeling! The palmstrike may have stunned the Hardcore Maniac for now, but it wouldn’t take long for him to recover, and Johnny knows it, so he quickly follows with a Russian Leg Sweep, making sure the heel of his foot connects to the back of Jamie’s already throbbing knee as he drops him straight to the canvas! Drazon howls in agony, cradling his knee and rolling back and forth on the canvas, seemingly lost in his own pain. “I think Agent Dangerous might have him,” suggests Comet, watching quickly Johnny move towards the turnbuckles, and with the crowd loudly cheering him on he climbs to the top, facing the fans. Johnny glances back into the ring, and seeing that his opponent has yet to move, he vaults from the top of the turnbuckles for a moonsault. “Death From Above – if he nails this it’s over!” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Drazon seemingly only feigned his inability to move, as a split second before Johnny comes down with both feet for a double stomp, Drazon hastily rolls out of harms reach and Johnny hits the mat and tumbles to the canvas! The crowd lets out a collective sigh while Drazon pushes up to his feet, grunting the entire way up. He hobbles in after Johnny, grabs him by the arm, and whips Dangerous around to face him… WHAM! …and Jamie blast the Champion in the forehead, right in his open wound, sending blood splattering everywhere as Johnny totters backwards, completely stunned… and completely open! The Hardcore Maniac doesn’t even have to second guess his next move, he knows he can put the Champion away now, and he pivots on his good leg while sending his other leg swinging through the air… CRAAAACK!! …and Jamie nails Johnny squarely in the side of his head with a devastating Thai Roundhouse Kick! Dangerous hits the mat so hard that it violently shakes the entire ring, sending a chilling rattle from the cage through out the arena. “There you go, that’s the ticket!” shouts Riley, but the fans react with an astounding chorus of boos, the sight of Johnny lying in a pool of his own blood is enough to turn any fan against an opponent, much less one riding the thin line between good and evil like the notorious Jay Dawg. Drazon, like beforehand, finally dismisses them with a wave and spins back around towards the direction of his opponent, the World Champion, who by now has gotten up to his knees. The maniacal smile that had been a normal sight for Jamie Drazon in times past sees its return, as the Champion has unwittingly gotten himself into the perfect position. Without another thought, Jamie limps towards the far ropes as fast as he possibly can with such a sore knee. “Here it comes! Shining Black!” Comet shouts in despair. “We’re about to crown another new Champion!” He hits the ropes and springs off them, rushing back towards the kneeling Dangerous as the crowd watches in horror, but Jamie puts a little to much on his knee than what he should have and it momentarily gives out, sending him tumbling to the mat! “Damn it! Damn Johnny all to hell for attacking that knee!” cries Bobby, angrily pounding his fist into the announcers table. Jamie desperately tries to get back up as quick as he can, but the added time it takes for him to make it back into a vertical position gives the Champion enough time to regain his senses and recognize the danger! As Drazon finally gets back up, Johnny blazes towards him… WHAAAM!! … AND GREETS HIM WITH AN ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL, BONE-CRUNCHING SPEAR, SENDING DRAZON TO THE MAT WITH A TREMENDOUS THUD!! “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” “Zounds!” exclaims the masked announcer, as the crowd leaps to their feet in joy! “Johnny saw the opening and charged in for the kill, but I think that last hit took everything he had! Both men are down!” The two men, Champion and Challenger, lay sprawled out on the mat, and they remain perfectly still. Hebner, who for most of this match just watched and counted when he needed, steps forward to count without even thinking. Luckily for him an outside official makes an overbearing cough to get the referee’s attention, and silently warns Hebner by shaking his head. He slides back into his corner, ever so cautiously, as not to look like a plum fool. The crowd doesn’t even notice, instead they excitedly cheer on the two men, most notably the Champion as chants of “JOOOOHN-E!” break out. “This could be bad,” says Bobby, as either man has yet to move. “These two could very well be out for good, and I have a date after the show – somebody needs to wake these two up, or better yet… roll Jamie onto Johnny.” “Such despicable actions shall not occur under my watch, Citizen Robert!” roars Comet, and with the two announcers bickering they barely notice the crowd when they suddenly, and unexpectedly, unleash one of the most horrendous boos heard all match! “What in the…” The cameras, tipped off by the fans, spin around just in time to catch sight of Toxxic barreling down the ramp at full speed, armed with a pair of bolt cutters! “Dear Zeus, no!” shouts Comet. “This isn’t the time or place, Toxxic!” “Sure it is, Comet, there’s no rules for this match, remember!?” Comet snarls at his broadcast partner’s smugness as Toxxic hastily tries to cut the chains to the cell door off, and finally succeeds after a fair amount of struggle. The chain and padlock all fall to the floor in a heap, however in the time it took him to cut through the chains, the two men inside the ring have started to come back to their senses, although physically spent and they have yet to get back into a vertical position yet. Toxxic slides into the ring, and Hebner immediately moves to block the Straight-Edge Sensation from getting involved, just like any good referee would, but a ferocious growl coupled with Toxxic raising his bolt cutters back for a swing sends the referee scampering away! “TOXXIC SUCKS!” “TOXXIC SUCKS!” The crowd chant’s their regards of the former World Champion, but Toxxic isn’t in the mood to pay any mind to them right now. He crouches down and waits between the two men, and as Drazon staggers to his feet, the Straight-Edger quickly spins on his heel… KA-RAAAAACK!! …and SMASHES the bolt cutters into the side of Jamie’s head, sending the challenger flying back into the ropes, knocked completely senseless!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” “OH MY GAWD!” cries Riley, completely stunned by Toxxic’s assault on Drazon as Comet just stares in disbelief! Toxxic backs off as Johnny rises up and seemingly balances himself. His face his drenched in his own blood, and he can barely see, let alone make out the fact that the Straight-Edger is in the ring, and Toxxic knows it. He peels Drazon off the ropes and flings him towards Johnny, and just watches as Johnny wipes the blood away from his eyes and looks up, only to see the Challenger flying towards him! It’s times like this that all the intensive training as a secret agent pays off. With nothing left in the tank he goes for the only thing he can - scooping the Challenger off his feet with a fall away slam as Comet bellows, “-MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-” SLAAAAM! “Agent Dangerous reached down deep to nail that one, but I don’t think he even realizes what Toxxic just did to his opponent!” Johnny rolls over and drops his arm over Drazon’s chest as he himself finally collapses to the mat. Hebner drops and counts as Toxxic exits the cage and back steps his way up the ramp, watching with that lopsided grin shining through brightly! ONEEE!!!!!!!! TWOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING!!! “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” “By Zeus!” shouts Comet, as the fans booing finally turns to cheers and “After The Flesh” begins to pound from the speakers. “Johnny wins, but only after his nemesis cost Drazon the match!” “Hey, don’t look the gift horse in the mouth now!” snaps Riley. “Johnny Dangerous should be grateful that Toxxic was so gracious. He’s a weakling of a Champion, and he wouldn’t even be Champion still if Toxxic hadn’t got involved!” “Don’t think that Toxxic was doing any favors with that,” replies Comet. “I have a gut feeling that the Straight-Edged Citizen wants nothing more than to defeat Johnny for the title, and nobody else! How else could he keep his ‘prepare to be proved wrong’ catchphrase correct if he never receives a chance to defeat Johnny Dangerous?” “Well he wouldn’t,” concedes Riley. “However, the beating Jamie Drazon just gave Johnny Dangerous will be nothing short of what the Straight-Edge Sensation will do to him! As far as Jamie Drazon goes, well he can just take his shot from the rightful Champion, Toxxic, when he rightfully regains the title belt.” Hebner lays the World title across Johnny’s chest then stoops down to grab the Champion’s limp arm and raise it in victory… then lets it fall back to the mat. “The winner of this match by pin fall,” bellows Funyon, “and STIIIIIIL SMARTMARK WRESTLING FEDERATION WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIOOOOON... JOOOHNNY ‘THE BAAARAAACUDAAA’ DAAAANGEROUUS!!!” For now at least, Johnny Dangerous is still the World Heavyweight Champion, but one man aims to remedy that situation. A situation that should have never come to pass in the first place, and yet it did. That man, Toxxic, watches at the top of the ring, smiling broadly. He just made the first step towards preparing Johnny to fall harder than anyone else ever has before, preparing him to be proved wrong. Dead wrong… As we: Fade Out. SWF Smarkdown ©Copyright 2004 – Smartmark Wrestling Federation. All rights reserved.

The live feed comes back to Smarkdown... and the Smarktron whites out as every light in the arena hits full. For a moment the only sound is that of a needle on vinyl, then: “WEL-WEL-W-W-WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!” *BOOOM!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” A blast of lightning strikes down and hits the entrance stage as ‘Battle Ready’ by Otep kicks up over the PA system while red and gold pyros erupt in response. As the burning afterimage fades from everyone’s eyes three figures are revealed; one dark-skinned and heavily-muscled with the Hardcore Gamer’s belt around his waist; one with dirty blonde hair, dressed in yellow-and-black and with a cocky smirk; one with eyeliner and spiky black hair... and for once, unsmiling. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following six-man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall,” Funyon booms over the chorus of boos that fills the Savvis Centre. “Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Jet and Marcus Washington; at a combined weight of 713lbs... REVOLUUUUUUUUUTION... ZEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOO!!” Spike Jenkins, Sean Davis and Toxxic start down the ramp with Marcus Washington and Jet in tow. Sean sneers at the fans as he passes them and Toxxic got ignoring them down to a fine art long ago, but Spike takes a few seconds to flirt with a couple of emo girls by the side of the ramp before hurrying to join the others in the ring. “Citizens, we are back on Smarkdown and the temperature is starting to rise!” Cyclone Comet exclaims. “Come on Comet, their entrance pyro didn’t generate that much heat,” Bobby Riley argues. “I was referring to the dislike, nay, HATRED~ that exists between Revolution Zero and their opponents tonight,” the superhero answers. “Davis and Jenkins have twice failed to capture the Tag Titles, even after ambushing Todd Cortez on Storm in an attempt to soften him up. A similar attack on Citizen Van Siclen caused him and the Masked Man to resolve their differences, and they have now formed an alliance - along with Citizen Cortez - to become the Urban Empire, dedicated to removing the inky black stain of Revolution Zero from the SWF forever!” In the ring, Spike and Toxxic strip down for action before the five Revolutionaries huddle together to discuss tactics. With everyone’s roles apparently decided, Marcus and Jet leave the ring while the three men (officially) involved in the match turn to face the entrance way and await the opposition. “And their opponents...” The silky sax of ‘Rush Against The Grain' oozes out over the PA system before the frantic drums drop in and four blast of blue pyro erupt- *BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!* -and the three founder-members of the Urban Empire make their way out as the crowd rises in response! Todd Cortez throws up the X as he stares down at the ring where two like-minded individuals await him, Van Siclen looks smugly gratified at having the fans cheer for him again... and Masked Man is clutching a very large, stuffed panda wearing a ski mask, with which he starts to tango down to the ring! “...at a combined weight of 709lbs, being accompanied to the ring by the Sexual Pandasaurus... THE URRRRRRRRRBAN... EMMMMMMMMPIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!” “Citizens, this is our first look at the Sexual Pandasaurus,” Comet says in some excitement as the camera focuses on the Masked Duo. “Another promising student from ‘Justice’ William Hearford’s academy-” “It’s a stuffed panda!” Riley says, totally nonplussed. “What are you talking about?” “-Pandasaurus is not only following in the Masked Man’s footsteps, but is also a big fan of the Midnight Carnival-” “...are we watching the same monitor?” the confused not-very-subtly-gay one asks. “...are we in the same universe?” “-and should the opportunity come about, I can’t wait to see what he’s got in the ring!” Comet finishes. “He’d get the stuffing kicked out of him,” Riley opines, still confused enough to refrain from milking the gag to its full pathetic extent. “Comet, I’m aware I’m asking this question of a man dressed in a mask and Spandex who thinks he can fly... but are you feeling OK?” “Never better!” the superhero asserts as Masked Man sets the Sexual Pandasaurus and his briefcase down on the ring steps and Urban Empire climb through the ropes. Spike and Sean start forward to attack immediately, but are restrained by a black-nailed hand on each of their chests as Toxxic quietly tells his stablemates to wait. Across the ring, Cortez and Van Siclen remove their tag belts and Todd also takes off his cross, kissing it and looking to the sky as he does so. *DING-DING-DING!* The bell rings and the six men face off with each other while referee Nick Soapdish tries to persuade each team to remove two men from the ring. Neither the Revolution nor the Empire seems eager to comply at first, but then Toxxic tells Davis and Spike to step out to the apron and a quick conversation between Mask, Cortez and Van Siclen leads to Masked Fury starting for the fan favourites. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” St. Louis is not afraid to tell the Straight-Edge Sensation what it thinks of him, but Toxxic isn’t paying any attention as he focuses on the man in front of him. For his part, the Masked Man flexes his arms before adopting a ‘heroic’ pose and beckoning the Brit inwards. Toxxic complies with a sceptical look on his face and the two wrestlers lock up - but only for a second, as Toxxic spins and drops to bring Masked Man over with an armdrag! The Romanian pops back up again almost immediately, and as Toxxic moves in Mask gives him a taste of his own medicine by hitting an armdrag of his own. This time it’s Toxxic’s turn to pop back up, visibly seething, and the straight-edger launches a right hand at his opponent’s head - but Masked Man blocks the blow, then starts firing away with punches! “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” “MASKED MAN! MASKED MAN! MASKED MAN!” Toxxic staggers back under the onslaught and the Romanian Superstar drives his opponent into the ropes before rearing back and slamming vicious knife-edge chops into the Straight-Edge Sensation’s bare chest! *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” Toxxic turns away from his attacker in an attempt to cover up, and Masked Man seizes the chance to slap a rear waistlock on and haul backwards to take the straight-edger over with a Romanian Suplex, but Toxxic has a hold of the top rope and isn’t budging! Mask heaves again, but to no avail... then Toxxic snaps his head backwards and butts the Romanian Superstar square in the mask! Masked Man releases his grip and staggers back a step, and Toxxic seizes his chance by firing a European uppercut into his adversary’s jaw and then going for an Irish whip into the far ropes. Masked Fury reverses the momentum and sends Toxxic into the cables instead, but he ducks his head for a back bodydrop and Toxxic takes the chance to- *CRUNCH-WHAM!* -give him a Sobering Thought in the shape of a facebuster-DDT combination! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Without wasting another second Toxxic rolls over to his corner and tags in Sean Davis, who steps through the ropes and advances on the Masked Man with a nasty glint in his dark brown eyes. “Well Citizens, what a pace we’ve set so far,” Comet exclaims. “Perhaps this is the time to cover the history between these two teams; Spike Jenkins and Sean Davis have failed to beat either 42nd Street or Hollywood Boulevard for the Tag Titles but did manage to win a Four-Way Dance tag match featuring all three of their opponents tonight... although that was brought about by Mike Van Siclen and the Masked Man brawling on the outside whilst Jenkins and Davis had their wicked way with Todd Cortez in the ring.” “Any man’s dream...” Riley interjects vacantly as Davis hauls Mask up to his feet and places him in a standing headscissors. “...possibly,” Comet says, looking sideways at his commentary partner. “Regardless, Toxxic has faced Hollywood Boulevard himself as one-half of Psychological Warfare in the infamous Tag Match From Hell where Cortez and Van Siclen got destroyed by the Unholy Trinity, and also defeated Citizen Van Siclen in a Falls Count Anywhere match by dropping him from a balcony and through a table with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome - a move that is still the focus of his entrance video.” “You can’t replace greatness,” Riley agrees. In the ring, Sean Davis takes a second to point threateningly at Cortez and Van Siclen then hoists the Masked Man up in the air... holds him there for a second... and plants him down with a vicious high-angle powerbomb! *WHAM!!* Davis sprawls into the cover, hooking the leg and leaning forward over Masked Man’s recumbent body... ONE! TWO! ...but Masked Man kicks out! Davis growls and grabs the Romanian by the throat before pulling him up into a standing position again. The big man easily lifts Masked Fury up for a chokeslam with just one arm, but at the apex of his journey the Masked Man kicks Davis in the stomach and as the Perfect Storm’s arm loses its tension the Romanian snares his opponent in a front facelock and spins around to drive the big man headfirst into the mat with a Tornado DDT! “CYCLONE COMPLEX~!” Comet yells in delight. “The Masked Man just reversed the momentum - and he sure knows how to name his moves!” “Die... with... violence,” Riley requests through gritted teeth. Davis is momentarily stunned by the force of the impact, but the big man is quick to push himself back to his feet. Masked Man is just as quick however, and despite the few nasty knocks he’s taken he manages to grab Davis’ right arm and twist it into an armwringer to get some control over the Perfect Storm. Sean tries to fight out but Mask keeps a firm grip on him and tugs his opponent towards the Urban Empire corner, whereupon he sticks one finger in his mouth before jamming it into Sean Davis’ ear in a wet willy! “UUUUUURRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Davis twists away, disgusted and humiliated in one, while Masked Man reaches out to tag in Todd Cortez… but the Urban Legend just looks at his partner, his expression clearly saying “I’m not touching that hand”. Sighing, the Masked Man swaps hands, and this time Cortez tags in before climbing to the top rope and coming off with a double axehandle to the trapped arm. Davis tries to protect his limb from Cortez, but as the big man turns his back Todd simply reaches up to wrap an arm around Sean’s neck and drops down to deliver the Cereal Killer! Sean spasms in pain and rolls away across the ring, but before the Perfect Storm has even finished moving Todd leaps to the second rope and flips back with a quebrada, ending up on top of Davis for the pin… ONE! TWO! ...but Sean Davis kicks out with authority! Todd springs back to his feet and starts lashing out with kicks as Davis tries to rise, the stinging blows catching the big man around the head and shoulders, then grabs the battered Florida native and drags him up to his feet. Sean shakes his head in an effort to clear it but Todd hits him with a forearm shot to back Davis into a neutral corner, then whips the big man across the ring. “UR-BAN EM-PIRE!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “UR-BAN EM-PIRE!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* The Perfect Storm hits the far buckle with some force, and Todd soaks in the cheers of the crowd for a moment before breaking into a run and then twisting in midair to start flipping backwards… …but instead of landing the handspring elbow the Urban Legend is cut off as Davis explodes out of the corner and charges straight through the rear of the flipping Cortez with a brutal clothesline! *WHAM!* "What impact!" Comet calls in dismay. "Sean Davis is easily the most powerful man in the ring, and a single blow from him can turn the tide this match!" The groans of the crowd fill the Savvis Center as Cortez collapses forwards, clutching the back of his head. Davis stops and bends over, hands on knees as he sucks in air and tries to dispel the ringing in his head, but Toxxic is pounding the top of the turnbuckle and yelling at the Perfect Storm to tag out. The big man nods in acknowledgement and picks Cortez up, then drags him over to the Rev-0 corner and tags Toxxic back in. Davis picks the Urban Legend up in a pendulum position before dropping to one knee with a backbreaker as Toxxic vaults to the top rope, to the turnbuckle and corkscrews back to deliver a Triple-Jump Hangover to a trapped Cortez! “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Toxxic doesn't waste any time on responding to the crowd; instead the leader of Revolution Zero drags Todd Cortez up off the canvas as Sean Davis steps out to the apron, then places his fellow straight-edger in a reverse headlock and drops to one knee. The other knee is driven up into the back of the Urban Legend’s neck before Toxxic pops back up to his feet and then drops Cortez all the way to the canvas with an inverted DDT to complete the Detoxx. Cortez spasms in pain on the mat, but Toxxic doesn’t follow up and instead tags in Spike Jenkins. “Revolution Zero are following the same gameplan they tried in the Tag Title match on Lockdown,” Comet says in some surprise, “namely isolating Todd Cortez. It didn’t work then, and you have to question why they’re trying it again now.” “It called ‘continuity’ Comet,” Riley explains as Spike simply leans down and starts choking the Urban Legend despite Soapdish’s admonishments. “Cortez took a greater beating then, so he’s more battered for the match tonight. Besides, it looks like they’re targeting his head instead of his ribs this time, an approach which sets up the finishers of all three men.” Spike pulls away from Todd just before Nick Soapdish’s five-count as the referee has to be wondering why he got the job of looking after Revolution Zero again. He backs Spike up, giving the junior straight-edger a blistering talking to and informing him that he will not tolerate any liberties this time around... and while he does so, Sean Davis drops down to the floor, drags Cortez halfway out of the ring and backs up a couple of steps before driving a HUGE kick into the head of the Urban Legend! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “CRIMINAL!” Comet shouts as both other members of the Urban Empire start yelling at Soapdish who turns around to see Cortez hanging limply over the ring apron. Sean Davis looks as guilty as sin but the deed has been done and Soapdish didn’t catch him in the act, so the put-upon official can only tell him to get back into his corner. Davis climbs up and takes hold of the tag rope as Spike hauls Cortez back into the ring and hooks his leg... ONE! TWO! TH- -but Cortez kicks out, although the count was closer than the Urban Empire would like. Spike seems undeterred and he hauls Cortez up again, then starts to fire off palm strikes to the groggy Urban Legend. Two strike Cortez in the jaw, then one hits him in what just might be the throat... but before Soapdish can step in Spike throws the right arm of his gasping opponent over his shoulder and drops to his knees with the Minor Threat jawbreaker. “And here’s another part of the Revolution Zero masterplan,” Riley claims to his commentary partner. “Cortez’s martial arts background is dangerous, so they send in their own martial artist in Spike Jenkins to counteract him.” Cortez is on his knees and fighting for breath. Spike pops back up to his feet and snaps two swift kicks off at Cortez’ chest, then takes a step back, yells out loud and whips the final kick at his opponent’s jaw... ...but Cortez’ instincts kick in and the tag champion ducks the potentially knockout blow before hooking the unbalanced Jenkins and taking him over with a schoolboy pin! ONE! TWO! -but the shock wears off and Jenkins kicks out. Cortez tries to get up first but Spike hasn’t even taken a knock yet and beats him to the punch - literally, knocking an elbow strike into the Urban Legend’s cheekbone as both men are on their knees. Spike places his opponent in a front facelock and hauls him back to the Revolution Zero corner, then reaches out a hand to tag the Perfect Storm back in. Davis steps back through the ropes and simply buries his boot into Cortez’ midsection, then hooks both of his opponent’s arms behind his head in a full nelson and hoists the Empire member in the air before driving him down tailbone-first over one mighty knee. “The quick tags being utilised here by Revolution Zero, and Citizen Cortez is in a great deal of trouble,” Comet says, clearly worried. “Will the fires of JUSTICE~ burn bright enough in this young hero to defeat the monstrous Citizen Davis?” “Work the head!” Toxxic shouts at his huge stablemate, who nods and hooks Cortez up for a suplex. “On the evidence displayed so far,” Riley answers the superhero, “...no.” Davis hoists Cortez into the air, but instead of bringing the Urban Legend down on his back the Perfect Storm simply drops straight downwards and spikes Todd onto his head with a brainbuster! The crowd gasp in horror as Cortez’ skull bounces off the mat, and Sean leans over his victim for the pin... ONE! TWO! THRR- -but it is broken up by the boot of Mike Van Siclen! Davis rises up like some behemoth of the deep, snarling in anger and clutching his head, but Soapdish is between him and his target as he ushers the Spectacle back out of the ring. For a moment it looks like Davis is going to follow anyway, but Toxxic’s yells drag the big man back to the gameplan and he hauls the groggy Todd Cortez up and heads to his corner to tag Spike Jenkins in again. Meanwhile, the Masked Man starts to stomp on the apron and the Savvis Center picks up the rhythm. “COR-TEZ!” *stomp-stomp-stomp* “COR-TEZ!” *stomp-stomp-stomp* Davis makes the tag to Jenkins and the California Man steps back into the ring, ready to pick up where he left off. He twists Todd’s arm over his head, then tows his opponent after him as he walks out to the middle of the ring and beckons to the Urban Empire corner. “Come get some, you SOB’s!” However, Spike’s attempts to incite illegal entry and therefore provide cover for his own nefarious deeds go unrewarded as Masked Man and Van Siclen simply stare at him with hatred. Shrugging, Jenkins turns his attention back to the Urban Legend and winds up for the Roaring Elbow... but the few seconds of inattention cost him, as Cortez is able to duck the move! Spike swings around, desperately trying to get a fix on his opponent, but Cortez is ready and springs into the air to deliver a blistering snap enzuigiri! *CRACK!* “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “COR-TEZ! COR-TEZ! COR-TEZ!” Both Masked Man and Van Siclen are leaping up and down on the apron as Todd desperately reaches out for the tag, but the effort of hitting the shot to the back of Spike’s head appears to have drained Cortez of much of his remaining energy. He is crawling along the deck while Spike rises back to his feet... but Hollywood doesn’t seem quite sure of where he is. He swivels to face his corner, realises that Toxxic and Davis are both staring past him and turns back round to see Cortez slowly moving towards his partners. Still slightly woozy, Spike opts to try and keep his groggy opponent in the match rather than tag out to a fresh man himself and dives forward to grab Todd’s heel - but the heel is pulled out of reach of the... well... heel... as Cortez manages to make a last-gasp dive and tag in Mike Van Siclen! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The crowd erupts like they have rarely erupted for the Spectacle before as Mike steps into the ring and wastes no time in pasting Spike Jenkins with forearm shots before bitchslapping Hollywood so hard that he staggers backwards and slump against the ropes! However, Van Siclen has to hastily readjust his parameters as Toxxic and Sean Davis throw fairness to the winds and BOTH charge across the ring at him! The two men go for a double clothesline, despite the disparity in their heights, but Van Siclen ducks the move and turns to face them on the rebound when the Masked Man traps Toxxic in a full nelson from the apron, and Sean Davis runs headlong into a Van Siclen superkick! *SMACK!* Davis rolls out of the ring, clutching his jaw, while Toxxic fights against the strong arms of the masked Romanian. He has little success at first while Van Siclen turns back to Spike, but then Jet runs around the ring and pulls Mask’s legs out from under him! William Hearford’s pupil bounces headfirst off the apron and staggers backwards while the crowd boo the dreadlocked beauty, who raises her hands and backs away innocently. Soapdish is tied up with Toxxic who is trying to attack Van Siclen from behind, and so doesn’t see Spike Jenkins low-blow the Spectacle! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The referee isn’t deaf and turns round after hearing the crowd’s reaction, but Spike’s eyes are still unfocused and he looks more dazed than deceptive. Toxxic darts past Soapdish and buries his boot in Van Siclen’s ribs... and as the official tries to restrain the Straight-Edge Sensation, Masked Man turns around on the outside into a shot from Marcus Washinton’s steel briefcase! *CLANG!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “This is a mugging!” Comet shouts in outrage. “Nothing more and nothing less!” “It’s a thing of beauty!” Riley argues. “Five human beings working in perfect unison!” Toxxic leaves the ring with bad grace while Spike staggers up to his feet. Sean Davis is making his way around the ring back to the Revolution Zero corner, but Cortez is only half upright on the Urban Empire’s side of the ring and Masked Man is down on the outside. Figuring that his team has this wrapped up, Spike hauls Van Siclen up to his feet and places the Spectacle in a rear headlock, looking for the Clean Living. However, it wasn’t that long ago that Mike used the move himself under the name of the Russian Roulette, and he twists around in the surprised straight-edger’s grip before grabbing Spike behind both knees and tugging. Jenkins falls back as Van Siclen’s double-leg takedown works its magic, then the Spectacle takes one of Hollywood’s feet in each hand and wrenches them apart! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Make a wish, you despicable villain!” Comet yells from the commentary table as Spike rolls across the ring, clutching his groin. Van Siclen doesn’t let up and hauls Jenkins back to his feet, then places him in a front facelock and hits a snap suplex. No sooner has Spike hit the mat than Mike drags him back up, still in the front facelock, and this time takes his opponent down with a swinging neckbreaker. The St. Louis crowd are firmly behind the Urban Empire, and Van Siclen looks to make the cover... ONE! TWO! ...but Sean Davis drives his boot into the back of the Spectacle’s head to break the count! Soapdish immediately gets in the Perfect Storm’s face and herds him backwards out of the ring, but Mike’s head is ringing and his testicles still aren’t in great shape. Looking to maintain the advantage he lunges for his corner and tags the fresh man in without really paying attention... *SMAK!* ...but the man he tags in is Todd Cortez, as the Masked Man is only just recovering from the briefcase shot on the outside! Van Siclen realises his mistake as he rolls under the ropes and sees Todd’s distinctive baggy blue pants entering the ring again, and he calls for the Urban Legend to tag back out. Cortez seems deaf to his partner’s cries however, and closes in on Spike Jenkins to get some payback. “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” “Urban Empire need to get their rhythm back,” Comet says with some urgency. “They haven’t had the best of this match so far, and I’m not sure if Citizen Cortez was in a suitable condition to note Mike Van Siclen’s offence and work out how to continue it effectively.” Spike is on all fours now and has absolutely no idea that the Urban Legend is stalking him from behind. The rest of Revolution Zero try to warn him but Hollywood staggers up, looking pleased with himself at managing to get back to his feet- -and Todd Cortez places his head under Spike’s arm, wraps his arms around the Revolutionary’s waist and bridges backwards in a backdrop driver! *WHAM!* “...but I suppose dropping Spike Jenkins on his head is effective enough,” Comet concedes. Todd drapes an arm over Spike’s chest and looks for the pinfall... ONE! TWO! THRRRE- -but Sean Davis saves the match again by the simple expedient of pulling Cortez off his stablemate! Soapdish again admonishes the Perfect Storm, but this time Toxxic takes advantage of the referee’s distraction to sprint past him to the Urban Empire corner, vault off the second rope on one side of the turnbuckles, spring over the top rope and snare Mike Van Siclen in a hurricanrana that takes the Spectacle down to the arena floor! “HO-LY SHIT!” “HO-LY SHIT!” “Under Toxxic’s guidance, Revolution Zero are doing a masterful job of keeping the Urban Empire down!” Riley asserts. “Van Siclen was the freshest man they had, and now he’s been taken out of the equation!” Toxxic seems to have hurt himself completing the springboard rana, but Van Siclen is not in a good way either. The Masked Man looks over at his former-rival-turned-teammate but can do nothing to help the Spectacle as he needs to get up on the apron and provide support and a possible tag for Todd Cortez, who is bringing Spike Jenkins up to a vertical base again. The Urban Legend whips Spike into the cables then leaves his feet for a spinning heelkick, but Spike ducks the blow and continues on to the far ropes! Todd manages to keep his balance as his lands and turns to face Hollywood - but he doesn’t turn quick enough to adjust, and Spike takes him down with a YOU-MAY-BE-STRAIGHT-EDGE-TOO-BUT-DON’T-THINK-THAT’LL-HELP-YOU-NOW LARIATOOOOOOO~! *WHAM!* “Spike scores with the Lariat!” Comet cries in horror. “The villainous Citizen Jenkins has been devoting more and more time to perfecting that particular running strike of late, and with all the damage done to Citizen Cortez’ head and neck tonight it could be enough to get the win!” Spike pushes himself up, chest heaving. His head is killing him from the backdrop driver and he put most of what he has left into that Lariat, but he is able to slump forward over Todd’s body and even make a vague attempt at hooking the leg... ONE! TWO! THHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Masked Man makes the save, and the Savvis Center goes wild! Spike staggers up and swings for the Romanian, but his right arm is half-numb from the impact of the Lariat and it is easy for Mask to catch the blow, then twist Spike’s arm around his own neck and hit the Lineage! Soapdish manages to ‘persuade’ Sean Davis to stay on the apron and turns to remove Masked Man from the ring. The masked superstar acquiesces with good grace as Soapdish starts a double count... ‘ONE!’ ...but the Romanian isn’t finished yet, as he grabs the Sexual Pandasaurus and perches him on the top buckle! ‘TWO!’ As the Savvis Center in St. Louis watches in disbelief the Masked Man hurls the Sexual Pandasaurus off the top rope, directly at the prone Spike Jenkins! Hollywood dimply registers a masked black-and-white shape flying down at him and raises his knees to protect himself- “Huh?” -but instead of the Masked Man, Spike finds his knees buried firmly into the considerably lighter form of a giant, masked, cuddly panda, which rolls away across the ring! “Spike blocked the Bamboo Bomb!” Comet cries in dismay. “Although I must concede that the Pandasaurus was not the legal man.” “IT’S A FUCKING STUFFED PANDA!” Riley shouts as he feels sanity leave the building. “IT’S A CUDDLY TOY, DAMMIT!” The sheer bizarreness of what has just occurred brings Spike to his slightly-unsteady feet, staring in disbelief at the Masked Man on the apron. “Dude... you just threw a panda at me!” *CRACK!* But as the junior straight-edger was distracted Todd Cortez had regained his feet, and he now fires a vicious superkick into the back of Jenkins’ head! Spike topples forwards, and Todd turns him over for the cover... ONE! TWO! THHHHRRRRREEEEEEE- -but Sean Davis breaks it up again! Nick Sopadish turns to remonstrate with the Perfect Storm, but he is beaten to it by Masked Man who explodes across the ring and starts unloading right hands on the former college footballer! Davis staggers back under the attack and Masked Man winds up before nailing his adversary with one final punch that sends the big man staggering through the ropes and out to the floor. Mask takes a look over his shoulder and sees Todd starting to hoist Spike up, then follows Davis out to finish the job. Meanwhile, Todd grabs Spike by the throat and as the Savvis Center rises in anticipation he lifts Hollywood UP... ..then transitions the chokeslam into a spinebuster... ...AND BRINGS HIM DOWN! *WHAM!* “Urban Assault!” Comet orgasms as the crowd noise nearly blows the roof of the building off. “That’s got to be it!” ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- -but Toxxic makes the save this time! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The Straight-Edge Sensation has only just recovered from the daredevil move that took both him and Mike Van Siclen out of the game, but he has enough left to grab Todd Cortez in a 3/4 facelock and charge for the nearest turnbuckle, flipping backwards over the Urban Legend’s head and driving the back of his skull into the mat! *BANG!* “Todd Cortez just got Intoxxicated!” Riley yells in delight and amusement. “There’s a first time for everything!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Mike Van Siclen is getting up on the outside as well, and Toxxic sees him. Without pausing, the Brit simply goes straight through the ropes with a suicide dive and the two men start brawling on the arena floor! Meanwhile Sean Davis has the Masked Man locked in a bearhug outside the ring on the other side, and despite Masked Fury’s best efforts he seems unable to escape. Jet yells at Spike from the floor, and the few braincells inside Jenkins’ head seem to fire up as he rolls groggily over and drapes an arm over Todd Cortez’ chest... ONE! ...Van Siclen tries to reach the ring, but Toxxic is desperately holding onto his foot... TWO!! ...Spike manages to get both feet on the bottom rope, out of Soapdish’s line of sight... ...THHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *DING-DING-DING!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners,” Funyon booms, “...REVOLUUUUUUUUUUTION... ZEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The Savvis Center is livid at the result and is making its feelings clear, but the five members of Revolution Zero couldn’t care less. Spike rolls out of the ring, woozily holding his arm up and pretending he knows how he got the win. Sean Davis simply charges towards the ringpost with Masked Man still trapped in his embrace, releasing his grip at the last moment to send the Romanian superstar’s back crashing into the steel with full force. Soapdish calls for the bell again- *DING-DING-DING!* -but it doesn’t do that much good. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring Mike Van Siclen is kicking Toxxic repeatedly in the head as the Straight-Edge Sensation still hangs onto his foot despite the match having finished, but then- *CLANG!* -Marcus Washington hits him in the head with the steel briefcase, and Forceful Bureaucracy ™ claims another Urban Empire victim! Jet helps her boyfriend up, and the battered but triumphant members of Revolution Zero head towards the entrance ramp. “Citizens, the Urban Empire tried their hardest,” Comet says sombrely, “but they were outnumbered five-to-three as these criminals showed no morals or decency in their quest to get a win over the only group of people to have taken an effective stand against them-” “-and boy, did they do it well!” Riley finishes. “Not even that damn panda could stop them!” “Stay tuned citizens,” Comet says, glowering at his commentary partner, “because up next we have hometown man Austin Sly facing off against ‘The Notorious’ John Duran!” FADE OUT

With his (limited) duties of the night taken care of, Landon Maddix has his bags packed and is already heading for the exits. And of course, wherever he goes, so goes Megan Skye...doing her fair share of bag carrying. 'What about her eye' you ask? Well, it's still noticeably black, but nowhere near as bad as it was. Thanks for asking though. Anywho...Megan and Maddix seem to be discussing as they walk down the hallway towards the exits, laughing and joking as two friends would. Eventually they reach the exit. But, just as they do, a cough can be heard from behind them. Both Megan and Maddix stop as whoever is behind them coughs again. Megan can be seen shaking ever so slightly now, clearly expecting the worst, as Maddix wheels around with his fist clenched ready to beat the hell out of... ...Mark Stevens? "Woah, easy kid." Stevens chuckles, despite not being in a particularly jolly mood. "I come in peace, don't worry." "What is it?" "I should think that would be pretty obvious, wouldn't you? Why do you think I would be looking for you? King." Maddix rolls his eyes, as Stevens spits out the name with contempt. "Listen...you hate him, and I hate him." Stevens continues. "But most importantly, he hates us back. Now, I'm no push-over and from what I've seen from you, you're no push-over either. You're not gonna let Suicide King ruin your career. I know it. But he's a powerful man all the same. So..." "Wait, wait. Why do you care?" "I care because you're a young kid with a ton of potential, getting screwed over by someone I hate. That's why I care. And that's why..." "Young kid?" Maddix sneers. "Tons of potential? Pity you didn't think like that a few months ago when you were still Commissioner. When you still had power. Only, back then, you didn't give a damn about me. Let me guess Stevens, let me guess. You want my help. You want help in getting back at King, so you came to me. Yet, when I wanted help back in February, wanting a title shot...wanting an opportunity, you didn't want to know me!" "I gave you the shot at Grappler, remember? Listen...what's done is done. You were with The Unnamed, which kinda clouded my judgement. Ok, so you weren't my favourite person that doesn't matter. Yes...I came to ask for a word in your ear about King. But I'm not looking for help, as such. I'm looking to do something about King and his power trip. As I said, he's a powerful man. But he's more powerful against me and then against you...rather than me and you. Together." Landon looks at Grand Slam, slightly bemused at what's going on...before brushing past Stevens. "Landon...Landon wait, hear me out." "I've got nothing to here Stevens..." "You're making a mistake Landon, believe me. I'm not asking for much. I'm just asking..." "Listen..." Maddix sighs, turning back to Stevens. "All due respect, as I know what you're going through, what with being in the same situation...more or less. But you're asking the wrong guy. Do you really think that just because I hate King and you hate King, that makes us a natural partnership? If King hadn't have done what he did, would you even be talking to me right now?" "...depends how your attitude was, or not." "My attitude hasn't changed. All that's changed is that my 'manager' turned out to be a fraud, doing the part owner of this company's bidding. That doesn't mean I'm going to be running around shaking hands and kissing babies. That doesn't mean I'm going to walk into Johnny Dangerous' locker room and offer to shine his shoes with my tongue. And that DOESN'T mean I'm your friend. Ok?" Stevens sighs and shakes his head...trying to think of something to say to change Maddix's mind. But Maddix simply brushes past him and strides off. Megan follows...but stops, and turns to Stevens. "Mark...I'll talk to him." "...thanks." Megan scuttles off after Maddix as Stevens watches on after them, with his head still slightly down but somewhat of a smile beginning to appear on his face.

Cut back from commercial and the sold out crowd in the Savvis Center comes alive with the usual cheers, boo’s, and posing for the cameras as they do a sweep through of the crowd. “Welcome back to S…W…F SMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMARKDOWN~!” cries the Caped Crusader. “As always, I have my less than noble sidekick Bobby Riley and it is I, CYYYYYYYYYYYCLONE COMET~ bringing you more intense, action-packed matches here tonight.” “Unfortunately, before we get to those, we have to get through this match,” muses Riley. “Both Citizen Cross and Citizen Candance have been impressive in the last few weeks, Bobb-o,” replies Comet. “The freak beat a guy in a penguin suit and that goof Cross beat a guy who was leaving anyway,” says Riley. “That’s real impressive.” “Well, whatever your opinion Robert, this match for the USJL title is up next and it look like Funyon is in the ring.” “Yeah, nice polyester suit,” deadpans Riley. Funyon clears his throat, then begins his announcement. “The following match is set for one fall with a thirty minute time limit and is for the USJL TITLE! It is also a TRIPLE IMPACT MATCH!” Teritary title and steipularion match pop as the lights go down. “Introuducing first, the challenger…” David Bowie’s, “China Girl” blares over the speakers as the crowd gives a round of applause. Geysers of white pyros erupt from the entranceway, as Candace appears from behind the velvet drapes. In a slight variation of the norm Candace is now wearing a red Playboy bunnie tank top and rather than her normal mini she is wearing more conventional white shorts; she is once again bare foot. As she makes her way to the ring she tries hard not to make eye contact with the fans and appears highly focused. “She gets pyro?” asks Riley incredulously. “…at a weight of 121 pounds, from Okinawa, Japan….CAAAAAAAAAANDACE OKIMURRA!” The former client of Frisco gets in the ring and leans back against the turnbuckle as Funyon continues. “And her opponent…” “Back on Earth” by Ozzy~ begins as the lights go dark and The Fallen Angel walks out to a large pop from the St. Louis audience. The USJL title is over his shoulder as he makes his way to the ring as a stream of pyro goes off behind him. “…he is the REIGNING USJL CHAMPION, weighing in at 277 pounds, from Oil City, Pennsylvania…”THE FAAAAAAAAALEN ANGEL” DAAAAAAAAVID CROSS!” Cross steps over the top rope and hands the title to Soapdish as he just glances at Candace before rolling his neck back and forth, and giving his jacket and cross to the ringside attendant. “Citizen Cross won the USJL title at Storm, with a very impressive victory over the now departed Vladimir Everheart. Citizen Candace struggled when she first entered the SWF, but has slowly made her way up the food chain,” says Comet as the two wrestlers go to the center of the ring. “In other words, they’re both mediocre,” says Riley. In the ring, Soapdish gets the envelope and tears it open. He gives the paper to Funyon. “As the rules stipulate in a triple impact match, the move given must be preformed three times to win! The move selected tonight in recognition of Johnny Dangerous’ title win is his finisher, the MI SLAM!” Large pop as both wrestlers nod as Funyon leaves the ring. DING! DING! DING! Candace moves to the center of the ring towards Cross, who tries to lock up, only for the lightweight to back off a bit. Cross again goes to lock up, but Okimura ducks and hits Cross with a quick kick to the side of his torso. Cross quickly shrugs off the move and tries to move toward Candace again, who ducks under Cross, and kicks him in the back of his right knee! Cross is stunned by this, and the former client of Frisco takes advantage and takes The Fallen Angel down to the mat with a drop toe hold! Seizing the moment, she then takes Cross nearer to the center of the ring and locks on a leg scissors move! “Citizen Candace used her smaller size to her advantage, taking Cross down to the mat where everybody is the same size,” says Comet as Candace keeps the hold locked on as Cross slowly drags himself and her to the ropes. “Well, I hate to say this, but Cross is no slouch on the mat either,” replies Riley. “He may not even be close to Flesher, but he can get it done if he has to. Hopefully soon.” “Why must you always wish for matches between fan favorites to go so quickly?” asks Comet. “Because why should I care about two useless pieces of skin trying to beat each other up?” asks Riley. “Bring on Revolution Zero!” “You are completely hopeless,” says the masked man sighing. Back in the ring, Cross easily reaches the ropes just a moment after Comet’s last comment and Candace breaks cleanly. Cross uses the ropes to pull himself up, but as he turns around to face his opponent, is nailed by a spinning kick by Candace! Stunned again, the petite woman rushes over and takes the champion down to the mat with a quick Russian Leg Sweep as some fans cheer and others boo the challenger! Sensing momentum on her side, Candace scampers to the top rope and sets herself as Cross rises to his feet. He turns around again and Okimurra jumps and nails Cross with a… “…MISSILE DROPKICK BY THE CHALLENGER!” screams Comet as both competitors fall to the mat. Candace gets to her feet first, and raises her arms to the cheering crowd. “Citizen Cross just sent a message to his challenger.” says Comet as Cross gets to his feet. “That message was, I’m still quite ready to fight!” “Well Comet, Cross only outweighs the freak by one hundred and fifty pounds,” replies Riley with more than a bit of sarcasam in his tenor. “I’m absolutely shocked he was able to kick out.” says Riley, disdain in his voice. “I sometimes wonder why you even show up to work, Robert.” says Comet. “Better pay than actually working,” notes Riley. Candace is able to get up quickly as well and duck under a quick forearm shot and take Cross back down to the mat with a Judo throw using the weight of an off-balance Fallen Angel against him! As Cross gets up, Candace immediately rushes Cross and wraps him up in a LA MAJISTRAL and goes for the pin, only to be stopped by the referee. “Silly girl,” says Riley. “Doesn’t she remember the rules of the match?” “In the heat of battle, you can forget things such as that,” replies Comet. “So, in other words, you’re an idiot like her.” “Robert, do not make me use the FIST OF JUSTICE~ on you.” Candace springs to her feet ready to attack, but The Fallen Angel blocks a right hand by Candace, and delivers a quick kick to her stomach, then a forearm into her back sending her down to the mat with a crash. Cross immediately picks the young Asian woman up and puts her in a front chancery, before picking her up and sending her back down to the mat with a quick snap suplex! Cross keeps the chancery locked on, and pulls Candace to her feet and drops her straight to the mat with a nasty DDT as the fans pop again! “It seems as if Citizen Cross is trying to wear down Candace’s neck to set-up the MI Slam,” says Comet while Cross raises his fist to the crowd. “So maybe he does have a brain in that thick skull of his,” replies Riley. “Then again, a rabid-infested chicken could outsmart that freak Candace.” Continuing his methodical approach, Cross picks up Candace again and simply nails her with several nasty forearms sending his challenger into the corner before backing up and charging Candace with a quick knee to the gut causing her to fall to the mat in pain. Cross then brings Candace to her feet again, and grabs her, turning her up and over into a MI SLAM, but Candace slips out and lands on her feet! Okimurra then backs up a step or two and as The Fallen Angel turns around…. “…YAAAAAAAAAAAAAZUKA~!” screams Comet as David falls to the mat like a lump of clay. “Citizen Candace suckered Cross in, and made him pay for that!” “I really don’t think think Candace can sucker anybody into anything except for hating her,” replies Riley. “She got lucky, the big goof Cross tried to finish her off too soon and this is the result.” “Why do you have no faith in any wrestler not named Toxxic or Fleisher?” “Hey, I like Ace too,” notes Riley. Comet just sighs again as Candace goes to the top rope, waiting again for The Fallen Angel to gets up and jumps off the top rope on to him and brings him down with a HURRICARANA! Stunned, woozy, and off-balance, Candace is able to slip behind and uses the big man from Oil City’s leverage against him and…. “…MI SLAM BY CANDACE!” screams Comet as the crowd cheers while Cross is laid out in the center of the ring. “She somehow got him up and over and now leads one to zero.” “Still a long way to go though,” replies Riley. “Only reason she was able to do that was Cross was completely off-balance after that rana from the top. She obviously can’t dead lift the guy.” “True, but Citizen Candace has a lot of fight left in her, Robert.” “For some reason, I don’t think Cross is out of this at all.” With Cross laid out on the mat, the challenger goes over to him, and grabs his legs and turns him over into a Boston Crab while the fans continue to cheer Asian spitfire. Candace gets him fully over and locks on the hold while Cross, still a bit out of sorts thanks to the MI Slam is trying to drag Candace over but isn’t fully back in the game. Meanwhile, Candace keeps the hold locked on, trying to keep Cross in the middle. The reigning USJL champ though, slowly begins to drag Candace over to the ropes, and gets closer and closer as she tries to keep the much larger opponent in her grasp. After another few seconds, Cross drags the 120 pounder over more and grabs the middle rope to a round of cheers from the St. Louis crowd! “Citizen Cross used his size advantage well, literally dragging Citizen Candace over as she tried to keep the hold on,” says Comet. “One has to wonder if Citizen Candace has any shot of defeating a man over twice her size in this sort of match.” “Of course she doesn’t,” replies Riley quickly. “Cross is bigger, stronger, and for one for him, smarter. He has a gameplan I’m sure, and without Frisco, I’m surprised the freak doesn’t have her clorhes on backward.” “Has anyone told you lately that you’re a terrible human being Robert?” “Only my mother and most of my immediate family.” After that insight into Bobby’s home life, Candace breaks cleanly and allows Cross to get up. However, she grabs David’s right arm and wrenches it, getting Cross to bend over just a bit for him to get drilled by a HOOK KICK! Stunned again, Candace drops Cross to the mat with an enzuigiri! While the fans cheer, Candace then goes to the top rope as Cross lays there and she jumps, twisting and lands on Cross with a… “…SWANTON BOMB BY CITIZEN CANDACE!” screams Comet again as Okimurra rolls off Cross, a bit in pain herself as the crowd cheers the high spot. “She has to take advantage of Citizen Cross and his weakened state now.” “She better do it quick, because one thing I do know about Cross is he can take a licking, and keep on coming at you,” says Riley while Candace gets to her feet. “He may be a goof, but he’s a tough goof.” “Both of these warriors of justice are tough, Robert.” “Warriors of justice? I’m not even going to ask.” While Riley tries to understand Comet, Candace picks up Cross and puts him in a headlock. After playing to the crowd a bit, Candace runs to the corner, and tries to bring Cross down to the mat with a crushing Tornado DDT. I say try because Cross uses Candace’s momentum against her, blocks the Tornado DDT and slams her to the mat with a vicious… …MI SLAM AS THE FANS EXPLODE AND BOTH WRESTLERS ARE OUT ON THE GROUND! Funyon announces to the St. Louis crowd, “Both competitors now have executed the hold one time a piece. They must perform the move two more times to win the match!” Soapdish simply shrugs as both competitors are down. “Soapdish cannot count either opponent out here due to the nature of the match, and we simply have to wait for one of them to rise to their feet,” says Comet as both Candace and Cross are both out still in the middle of the ring. “Hey Comet, while we’re just waiting, you have the third pick in the fantasy football league, right?” “Well ye - I mean, we should not be discussing this in the middle of a match, Robert.” “It’s not like the freak or the goof are going to care,” replies Riley. “So anyway, if I trade you -” “Robert!” “OK, OK, I’ll just have to ask Kivell then.” Cross and Candace finally gets to the ropes and bring themselves up. The Fallen Angel is a little quicker to gets to his feet and heads back toward Candace who is barely has her sea legs back. But, she sees Cross coming so attempts to preemptively bring the fight with a roundhouse kick! The Fallen Angel blocks that, and drives a quick knee to Candace’s sternum. Doubled over, Candace is then rocked by a knee strike right to the head, followed quickly by Cross taking a step back and sending her back to the mat with a CRESCENT KICK as the fans explode! Then, Cross simply kneels down over Candace who is face down, grabs one leg, grapevines it, then reaches down and grabs her head, completing the… “…STF by Citizen Cross!” says Comet as The Fallen Angel locks in the hold. “Cross seems to want to completely sap Candace’s energy before taking her out.” “Well, I don’t think the big goof wants any surprises,” replies Riley. “If she’s totally limp and unconscious, she very well can’t get out or reverse any attempted move by Cross, right?” “I would suppose so,” replies Comet. “However, I see no way for Candace to win this match if The Fallen Angel keeps this hold locked on for any decent length of time.” “That’s a bad thing, why?” replies Riley as he laughs. “Do you get off on cruelty to other human beings?” “No, I get off on Amazing As - er, I mean lesbian porn.” “I never knew lesbians had the name Ace and Gary,” Comet replies sardonically. Cross keeps the hold on, locking it in tight as Candace tries to struggle and move to no avail to release herself from the hold. She attempts to drag Cross over, but can’t move the man who outweighs her by one hundred and fifty pounds, and who also has the full leverage advantage. As the fans stomp their feet a bit, the champion just continues to pull back more on the hold, all with a stone-like expression on his face. Taking no joy in the pain, just wanting to get the job done. Candace is able to get a few inches over, but Cross just simply pulls on the hold harder again and Candace finally falls limp. Soapdish make sure she’s still conscious, but makes no attempt to ask for her submission because well, he can’t. The fans continue to stomp their feet, trying to will Candace back to full power, but to no avail as Cross keeps the hold locked on in the middle of the ring, ignoring the fans. Finally, after a few more moments, Cross releases the hold and Candace collapses to the mat! Cross then picks up Candace and with little fanfare, takes her up and over into the… “…MI SLAM BY CROSS! With those two holds, Citizen Cross may have killed any chance Candace had to win this match,” says Comet as the crowd continues to stomp their feet and clap their hands trying to rally the spitfire. “She’s finished, Comet.” says Riley. “It may have taken a goof like Cross, but this freak should never be given a title match again after her preformance tonight.” “Why do you hate this girl so,” asks Comet. “She was used by that villainous Frisco and now she’s trying to go down the right path, but yet you mock and make fun of her. I didn’t see you saying Onita was worthless.” “Because first of all, Onita was an accomplished wrestler. Candace is nothing but a rookie who’s no good. And second, if I said Onita was worthless, she’d have my balls.” Comet just laughs a little while Riley winces. Meanwhile, back in the ring Cross picks up a limp Candace and grabs her, sending her into the corner as she collapses. Cross shares a look with Soapdish, who shrugs. Cross just stares back and goes to the other corner, and picks her up and nails a few forearms into her as she continues to just take it, no defense being offered. So, Cross takes her and sends her into the oppiosite corner, and she collapses again! Cross shares another look with Nick, who again simply shrugs. As the fans begin to turn on Cross a little bit, as some booes are being heard along with the cheers. Cross picks Candace up, and pulls her into the center of the ring, kicks her into the gut and drives her into the mat with an EXPLODER! Then, as the fans boo more, The Fallen Angel picks her up and tries to finish things off but… “…CANDACE JUST REVERSED THE MI SLAM INTO A DDT!” screams Comet as the crowd comes alive. “Could she have been playing possum this whole time?” “If she was, she’s eight billion times smarter than I previously gave her credit for.” Candace gets up as the crowd cheers, but those cheers turned mixed again as she kips up with a bright smile on her face. However, she turns around facing a Fallen Angel who is not happy at all. But, the spitfire proves her quickness by driving a quick spinwheel kick to the face and then, rushing over and locking Cross in a TARANTULA! However, after Soapdish counts to five, Candace willingly releases the hold and then as Cross is still a little wobbly drills him with a BUZZSAW KICK! So again, Candace goes to the top rope as the fans explode in cheers and booes for both wrestlers. She leaps off the top and… “…CROSS MOVES! CROSS MOVES!” yells Comet. “Cross was playing possum that time and the swanton fails.” “See, I knew Cross had a brain.” After a moment, Cross stands up to his full height and does the cutthroat symbol again. Then, as the crowd explodes, he simply unleashes a nasty SHORT ARM LARIAT on Candace! He follows it up by bringing Candace up and over and… “…IT’S OVER! OUT OF NOWHERE, CROSS HIT’S THE MI SLAM AND THIS MATCH IS DONE!” screams Comet as Soapdish signals to Funyon. DING! DING! DING! Funyon steps in as “Back on Earth“ begins to play, “As a result of executing the MI SLAM THREE TIMES, The winner of the match and STILL USJL CHAMPION, “THE FAAAAAAAALEN ANGEL” DAAAAAAVID CROSS~!” “Citizen Cross with an impressive victory here tonight, but Citizen Okimurra has nothing to be ashamed of,” says Comet as Cross is handed his title and he holds it up. “Except for being her,” replies Riley. “You are truly a - HEY!” Comet’s outburst is because Frisco and his bodyguard/thug Tanner just entered the ring and pearl harbored Cross, knocking him to the ground and hitting a few stomps to the chest and head before moving on to Candace. As the fans boo and throw some trash in the ring, the duo move on to Candace who is still out on the mat. Tanner pulls the petite Asian to her feet, then as the fans really begin to boo, Frisco SLAPS HER ACROSS THE FACE! “This is simply disgusting,” says Comet as the fans continue to boo. “These two men have no right to be out here. They’re not even wrestlers in this company. I’m surprised security isn’t out here by now.” “You’d be surprised how easily those security can be paid off,” replies Riley. “You would likely now that, Robert.” “Hey, when you’ve got an Eagle Sc - I mean, why would I know personally?” Back in the ring, Tanner has Candace ready to go for another ride on the Powerbomb Express, when the crowd suddenly explodes with cheers! “Citizen Cross is up!” screams Comet as The Fallen Angel shakes the cobwebs from his head and walks over to the corner. “He doesn’t look happy at all, does he?” asks Riley. Cross grabs Tanner in a waistlock and the big man, stunned by the intrusion can offer no resistance as he is taken over and dumped in a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! As the fans continue to cheer, Cross gets up and points to Frisco. The former manager, now with no protection tries to escape, but is stopped by his own ineptitude. Trying to get out, he trips over the bottom rope and sprawls to the mat! David pulls Frisco up by the scruff of his neck, then grabs a meaty right hand around Frisco’s neck, then as the crowd cheers… “…CHOKE SLAM BY CROSS! CHOKE SLAM BY CROSS!” cries Comet as Frisco spasms on the ground. “That’s assault and battery, dammit,” says Riley. “Frisco could sue him so bad he’d own The Fallen Angel’s ass!” “I somehow doubt he’ll be doing that anytime soon,” notes Comet as Cross picks up his title. The Fallen Angel and still champion heads to the back as Lobo races from there. He shares a quick look and nod with The Fallen Angel before hitting the ring as Smarkdown goes to commercial.

As we return from commercials, the arena is filled with the somewhat melodious tone of “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks, signaling a very interesting contest about to occur. Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the self-proclaimed future owner of SWF...KELLY...CONNELLY! "I wonder who Kelly pays off to have Funyon announce her like he does." Comet question as Kelly, clad in a good black business suit, makes her way to the ring to do her favorite part of the job. "She doesn’t have to. I think Funyon is smitten with Kelly, and that’s why he allows her to announce her man to the ring instead of using one of those basic, dull, unentertaining announcements." Riley states as Kelly takes the microphone from Funyon. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Kelly Connelly Presents Smarkdown!" she calls out to the capacity crowd in the Savvis Center. "And now, it's time for the match that SHOULD be the main event. A match between two men who can easily call themselves among the best in the entire world. First off, my man...the one that is going to WIN this match, a paragon of good looks and amazing wrestling skills, one of the few men in this business today that doesn't give pro-wrestlers a bad reputation...the greatest of all time..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!" The pyrotechnics explode at the entryway, and the opening chords to "Superstar" are greeted with a loud chorus of boos from the capacity crowd as the royal-blue clad King makes his way out of the backstage area towards the ring. "Once again, Max King not getting the most positive of reactions as he makes his way out." Comet is quick to note as King makes his way out. "One has to wonder if that will make Flesher the default fan favorite in this situation." "I wouldn't go that far, Comet. But I did hear that King has been in a really foul mood recently, and it's all thanks to that no good, jealous jerk-off Manson sticking his nose into King's business like he has been." Max King finally steps between the ring ropes, which are being held for him by Kelly Connelly, and steps in the ring to embrace the negative reaction for him with open arms. While King and Kelly do their so far traditional in-ring embrace, Funyon pulls out the cue cards that he was given before the show. Funyon: And now, his opponent: A man who has been called one of the best to ever compete in the ring for Smarks Wrestling Federation. A man who has shown throughout the years that he has what it takes to make an impact in big-match situations. He is a former World Heavyweight Champion and one of the most prolific wrestlers of all time in this company...bow down to the SWF Cruiserweight Champion...accompanied by Allison Onita..."The Superior One"...TOM...FLESHER! "Kashmir" starts playing now, and the SWF Cruiserweight Champion steps out onto the entryway...the lovely yet hated Allison with him as he does. The crowd is just as forgiving for Flesher as they were for Max King when he came out, and King seems to be yelling for the crowd to shut up so Flesher can make his entrance. "Isn't this a great thing to see, Comet? Max King showing respect for someone with the credentials of Flesher by trying to get the crowd to stop with this disgraceful outburst." Riley says with a happy tone to his voice. The crowd's negative reaction for both Flesher and King just increases when King tries to get them to quiet down. "Well, despite the credentials of Flesher, the crowd I think is giving both of these wrestlers the exact reaction that both of them deserve." Comet notes as Flesher steps into the ring, casually tossing the Cruiserweight Championship belt to the referee as if it was a beach ball. "Flesher got lucky that there's been no set contender for the Cruiserweight Championship for right now, but I don't know if going against someone that's way out of the range of a Cruiserweight is a good idea." "For once, I may have to agree with you there. But there's also Flesher's experience factor in this match." Riley notes. "This is going to be a great match for me, especially since I'm a fan of both competitors." Referee Alex Nye starts to get both Kelly and Allison out of the ring and to their respective corners on the arena floor, Flesher and King staring at each other right now as the Cruiserweight Champion removes his warm-up outfit to get ready for this match. *DING, DING!" "We're underway!" Comet calls as soon as the bell rings. King and Flesher start circling each other like two classic grapplers. "King obviously has a decent size advantage over Flesher, but experience and speed is on Flesher's side heavily right now." King and Flesher finally lock up after circling each other a good while, both of them fighting to try to get a good control over their opponent. King tries to push Flesher into the corner with his body weight, but Flesher seems to be just a bit too smart for such a move, as he drops down, sliding between King's legs while he's down and pulling King off of his legs by the ankles! Flesher tries to grab one of King's legs, but "The Icon" uses his other leg to push the veteran away to pull away. King tries to take out Flesher's legs now while he's getting up, pulling Flesher down to the mat and grabbing the ankle to try to twist it a bit, but Flesher rolls with this to his free foot, then uses this foot for a one footed dropkick into the chest of King, causing King to have to release the hold. Flesher and King both stare each other down when they both are on their feet, and the crowd gives them a respectable reaction to that exchange to start off. "Well it's about damn time the fans showed respect for both combatants in this contest. These guys have been fighting their hearts out for a good long time in SWF and only just now they both are starting to realize their potential." Riley states. "I think that the fans have always had a respect for King and Flesher's in-ring skills, however they just don't like their personalities that much." Comet replies to Riley's statement. King and Flesher both nod a bit, apparently respectful right now for the skills of the other, as they brush themselves off and go into the center of the ring to continue on with the match. Flesher is about to try something, however King manages to get a knee up when Flesher gets in too close, making sure that the veteran in this match doesn't get a chance to get an advantage. With Flesher doubled over, King clenches his fists into a sledgehammer style, clubbing him hard along the back, taking him down to the mat! King falls down with an elbow into the back of Flesher, and then repeating that same action two more times. After the second one, King stays on, making sure to grind his elbow hard into the back of Flesher while he's down on the mat. "This is great planning by Max King, making sure that Flesher stays down on the mat, but we'll have to see how long the self-processed Icon can hold him down like this." Flesher crawls with his elbows towards the ring ropes, trying to alleviate the pain that he's currently got in his back. King manages to hold him down for now, but Flesher manages to hit him a few times with a couple of well placed back elbow shots that knock King off of his back to the mat. King manages to get back up to his feet rather quickly, however Flesher takes him down with a drop toehold! King's face smacks against the mat hard, and Flesher quickly pulls back on King's legs, almost pulling them into a Boston Crab type position with King legs while laying at King's side. King is a little too close to the ropes though, and he grabs said rope with one of his hands, forcing the referee to tell Flesher to break the hold. Flesher takes his time in doing so, waiting until just before a five count can be laid in. King tries to power back up to his feet, but Flesher quickly gets onto the back of King, managing to put him into a sleeper hold while King is on all fours, holding onto King's back with it. "The mark of a champion right here, Comet. Flesher forcing King to exert all his energy into getting up to his feet with a man hovering between 299.9 and 231 pounds putting his weight onto his back." Riley notes. "This is what makes Flesher one of the more dangerous competitors to ever grace an SWF ring." King grabs onto the ropes, using them to pull himself and the human on his back up to a vertical position, stumbling a bit when he is back up onto his feet. Taking a chance, King back-pedals towards the nearest corner, and Flesher's back is driven hard into the turnbuckles, all of King's 250-pound body-mass crashing into the Cruiserweight Champion. As Flesher starts to fall out of the corner, King grabs his head, and suplexes him right to the center of the ring, leaning in to go for the first pin cover of the match. One! TWO! Flesher manages to get a shoulder up. "I don't know what King was thinking, someone like Flesher isn't going to go down to a simple move like a vertical suplex." Comet notes. "Hey, take any chance to win that you can. That's another key to greatness, and that's what makes both King and Flesher two of my favorite wrestlers ever!" King rolls Flesher back onto his chest and stomach after seeing "The Superior One" managing to kick out, planning on something when he has the advantage. Flesher manages to push King away though, crawling away from King just in the nick of time and getting back up. He seems to be yelling with King in the ring now, apparently surprised and upset about being treated the way he has been in this match by King. King just shrugs his shoulders...and punches Flesher right in the mouth to shut him up and take him down...and apparently, the fans like it! "Well, this is a surprising turn of events if you ask me." Comet notes. "The fans are actually cheering what King just did there." King flips off the fans upon hearing their cheering. "So much for that..." Comet says dryly now, as King shoves Flesher outside of the ring now. "King apparently is going to be satisfied with a count-out victory..." "Maybe, maybe not. It looks like King is getting out of the ring now to follow the pushed-out Flesher...this could prove to be very dangerous to someone's career." Riley notes. When King gets to the outside, he tells Kelly to keep Allison out of the way of whatever he may have planned, and the referee dives out to protest King's actions. King just turns his back on the referee, grabbing Flesher by the hair and pushing his head hard into the steel steps. When the camera gets a good look at the face of King, everyone watching can see that King has an almost psychotic look on his face, as he goes to lean in to attack at the face of Flesher! "What the heck is King's problem right now?" Comet questions at seeing the look in the Icon's eyes as he turns Flesher over, grinding his face into the ring steps. "I thought that he would respect someone like Flesher." "Well, King DID tell me he's been having too much of that asshole Manson on his mind, perhaps he's seeing Manson in Flesher right now. I'm sure if he was in a better mood, this wouldn't..." Riley is quickly interrupted when King lifts Flesher back up onto his feet right in front of their table, slamming the face of The Superior One right into the table HARD! Flesher tries to shake out the cobwebs, but King repeats the face slam once more, following this action up by grabbing Flesher's head and dropping it down onto the arena floor with a reverse DDT. He then slides into the ring to break up the count that the referee has been laying down right now, standing up to just let the count go on. "Now King is going to get a count-out victory." Riley notes. "He apparently was trying to get Flesher weakened enough to make sure that Flesher didn't get back into the ring." "That's a smart move to get a count-out win, but wouldn't King want to really prove how good he is in the ring by getting a pin or submission victory?" Comet asks, as the referee's count is up to 4 now. "Hey, a win is a win Comet! It doesn't matter HOW you win, just as long as you win!" Kelly climbs up onto the ring apron while the referee counts, talking to King and patting his forehead with a napkin she pulls out from between her breasts. Outside of the ring on the arena floor, Allison rushes over to Flesher to check up on him, trying to get him to recover and get back into the ring before the count going on in the ring reaches 10. "The count is up to 7 right now, and it doesn't look good for the Cruiserweight champion. Flesher starting to squirm right now, holding onto the apron with just one of his arms...and finally getting into the ring at the count of nine!" Riley chuckles. "This is good, I didn't want to see the match just end with that. But this is bad news/good news...Flesher is still down, and King is still up." King waits for Flesher to get back up to his feet now, that action taking a while but not as long as one might expect for someone who has been taking the punishment that Flesher did on the outside of the ring. King leans over towards Allison on the outside of the ring, a big smirk on his face. "What do you think of your boy-toy now, missy?" he shouts out to her almost venomously, continuing to taunt her a bit and ignoring the recovering Flesher on the inside of the ring. King finally turns around, and Flesher is back up to his feet by then, catching the slightly distracted King off guard into a front face lock, sprawling his body out and catching King with a modified version of a face-buster! Taking advantage of King's momentary surprise, Flesher lays on top of him and quickly hooks the legs up for a pin! One! TWO! King just manages to get a shoulder up after two, but doesn't get a chance to get back up onto his feet now as Flesher grabs King's arm, bending it into an overhead style armbar. King's legs kick wildly now as Flesher pushes with the hold, but King eventually manages to get his feet onto the chest of Flesher, trying to push him away. Flesher grabs King's legs quickly, letting go of the armbar that he has on and trying to turn King over for a Boston Crab! King grabs the head of Flesher while he's trying the turning process though, and rolls him up tightly for another pin cover! One! TWO! This time it's Flesher who manages to kick out of the pin, and both combatants get back up to their feet, but only for so long as King blasts Flesher with a Stan Hansen style lariat that almost knocks Flesher out of his boots, before kneeling down to catch his breath and wipe his brow. "Some amazing close calls for both combatants...one mistimed lift and this could have been over just moments ago!" Comet calls. "I don't think that this match is going to end on something as simple as a small package or something like that, however." Riley notes. "One guy is going to have to hit something big...and King's climbing the ropes to apparently do just that!" Max King gets up to the top rope, quickly adjusting onto the wobbly psuedo-platform that he is standing on, and when he gets fully balanced onto the ropes leaps off, dropping his elbow right into the chest of Flesher! Brushing his hands off as if to say that this match is now in the bag, he pushes Flesher back onto his back once again, pressing both of his hands onto Flesher's chest for the pin! One! TWO! THREE...NO! Flesher SOMEHOW manages to get a shoulder up just in the nick of time, to King's surprise. King stands up and kicks Flesher right into the chest where he dropped the elbow into just moments ago, but when he goes to pull the leg away Flesher almost clings to the leg of King, before pulling "The Icon" off of his feet and onto his back, locking his hands in through King's legs into a figure four position, and turns him over onto his chest! "Tom Flesher has just locked Max King into the Superior Stretch from out of nowhere! Where that came from I don't know!" Comet comments. Riley starts to gloat a bit. "See, THIS is why I get behind guys like Flesher and King in SWF...they can show you really quickly what REAL wrestling is all about, unlike some of the other punks in this company!" As Flesher wrenches away with the Superior Stretch in the middle of the ring, King tries to claw his hands onto the mat, gritting his teeth in the pain of having his legs and back get punishment put onto them. King struggles to try to get to a ring rope, but Flesher is too much of an expert for this to occur, pulling him back for every inch that King moves. "This doesn't look good at all for Max King...as Flesher is smartly keeping him away from any ropes!" Comet notes. "It looks like the only reprieve for the Icon is to tap out to Flesher's submission hold!" King's arm raises up as Flesher pulls back even more on the hold, apparently ready to tap out and say that Flesher is the better man on this night...until King drops a shoulder down, then reaches to grab one of Flesher's ankles, pulling at it, causing Flesher to land throat-first onto the middle ring rope, also allowing the hold to be broken just in the nick of time. King holds the knee that was being bent in pain, massaging it and trying to get life back into it while Flesher gets back up. King gets back up onto all fours once again, and Flesher, coughing a bit at after his throat was hit on the ropes, quickly steps forward and catches King right in the head with a Mafia Kick to take him back down to the mat! Flesher decides now is the time to take a chance, as he starts to climb up the ring ropes to get ready for some type of aerial assault onto King. Once on the top, he leaps off, driving one of his knees right into the lower back of King to further the punishment that was put upon King via the Superior Stretch! Flesher pushes King over into a half-nelson pin as quickly as he can! One! TWO! King manages to get one of his feet onto the bottom rope, preventing the three count from being laid down. Flesher smiles a bit, grabbing one of the legs of King now and pulling him towards the turnbuckles again, climbing up to the second turnbuckle while holding that leg...and rolls forward off of the second rope with the leg, snapping it towards the chest of King while he's down! "King may not be the biggest wrestler we have ever had, but apparently Flesher is treating him like he is, taking out the wheels of "The Icon" to keep him to the mat." Comet states. Flesher grabs the leg of King now, dropping the elbow right into the leg now to once again further the punishment onto it, then is about to lean his body into the leg and pull it out of proportion, but King uses his other leg to push down the face and head of Flesher, holding the head with his legs...but only for a few seconds, as Flesher kicks himself out of it, his body halfway out of the ring now. King dives forward, dropping an elbow right into the throat of Flesher while he's still prone! The two combatants collapse in the ring, down and weary on the attacks that they both did to each other, as the count is laid down...only to about three though as King rolls onto his knees to get himself back up to his feet, Flesher still holding his throat in pain at the elbow that was just dropped onto his throat. King once again wobbly gets onto his feet, trying to shake some life into his leg as he gets up, and dives onto Flesher while he's down, grabbing him in a facelock...and going to put the Compressor onto him! "This could be the deciding moment, Comet! King has the Compressor almost locked in on Flesher, and that could be the exact defining moment that King needed to get the win!" Riley states, as King reaches to grab the leg of Flesher. Flesher, however, starts to use the ropes to climb like a ladder, pushing himself off of the ropes and landing in for a pin! One! TWO! Another kick-out! Flesher and King both start to get up to their feet, King trying to punch at the face of Flesher, but Tom dodges the punches and strikes King in the bridge of the nose quickly! Flesher grabs King into a front facelock as quickly as he can, and takes him over once again, this time with a Fisherman's Suplex! One! TWO! THREE...NO! King still manages to kick out despite all of the punishment that he's taken. King fights to get to his feet, Flesher climbing to the second rope now, ready to do something to King as he gets up to his feet. King gets back up, falling into the corner now, and Flesher leaps off of the ropes, knee in the back of King's neck, dropping him down with the Ego Trip! "This match is over! Tom Flesher is going to get the victory with that Ego Trip!" Riley calls. "It sure looks like he is going to get the win here! Flesher now going for the cover, this is over now!" One! TWO! THREE....NO! "Kelly put King's foot on the bottom rope!" Comet is quick to point out as the referee points out King's foot on the rope, Kelly whistling innocently on the outside of the ring. "She didn't do anything! You're so suspicious of Kelly's actions, Comet! I bet that..." "It's on the footage, Riley!" Comet protests. "In living color!" Allison, knowing that Kelly just cost her man in a way a chance to win the match, quickly goes to chase Kelly down....managing to catch up with the red-head due to Kelly wearing high heels, and starts to slap her around on the arena floor, the two women getting into a cat-fight on the floor to the hooting and hollering of the arena. "Oh sure, these people WOULD like something like THIS!" Riley says bitterly. Flesher looks to the outside of the ring at the two women fighting, apparently cheering on Allison as they brawl on the outside...unaware of King pushing himself up to his feet. "Flesher is making a mistake here...I think he still thinks that King is down and out on the mat. That could prove to be a really bad move..." Comet states...just as King kicks Flesher in the lower back with his good leg! Striking as quickly as he can, King locks up the head and leg of Flesher, dropping him down with the King Buster, and hooking up Flesher tightly! One! TWO! King grabs the tights when the referee isn't looking.... THREE! "Superstar" starts to play up over the arena speakers again, to a huge negative reaction from the crowd, as "The Icon" slides out of the ring and pulls Kelly away from Allison. Funyon: Here is your winner..."The Icon"...Max...King! "Max King just cheating the former World Champion out of a win here, and this will go down in the record books as a MAJOR upset!" Comet notes. "This could very well build King's career here, Comet! And with this win, I wouldn't want to be Manson right now. King has you in your sights Manson!" Riley states "But what does this mean for the next contender for the Cruiserweight title? How will this loss affect Flesher?" Comet asks, as the camera fades out on Allison goes to check on Flesher in the middle of the ring.

The camera cuts to the back, where Kelly is pulling a cameraman by the arm towards Max King's locker-room. "Hurry up you moron!" Kelly tells him. "Max King has something important to say while I go to the ring to announce!" she says, and pushes the cameraman into the locker room, where Max King is sitting on a steel chair in his ring attire, apparently waiting. "About time you got here. There's something that I have to say...and it's to that jealous, sneaky, manipulative bastard that I've had problems with. I'm talking about that cheating scum Manson, of course." King stands up, glaring, grabbing the camera. "Manson, I want you to listen up and listen well...I am sick of all of this crap that you've put me through. If it wasn't for you getting involved where you didn't belong, I would have been the ICTV champion at Lockdown! But YOU had to ruin it! Well no more!" King steps back a bit. "Manson...at Genesis, I'm challenging you to a match. But not just any match...a submission-only Steel Cage match, Manson! We're both locked in a steel cage...and not the idiotic mesh kind either...and we fight each other to get the other to tap out!" King goes towards the door. "You have one week to reply Manson. For now, I have a match against a guy that defines what SWF is all about...besides myself." The camera watches as King gets out of the door, and the door is slammed right in the camera's lens, causing it to break and static out.

SWF Smarkdown is coming back on the air. In three. Two. One. "HUZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The crowd roars quite cheerfully as the show comes back on the air, the camera panning around the arena to catch the myriad of signs being waved in the air. From backing the Urban Empire, to loathing Revolution Zero, to begging for Janus to return, to demanding Johnny drop the SWF World Heavyweight Title, the signs are all different and out in abundance. As the camera pans the Savvis Center of St Louis Missouri, it catches movement in the ring, as we come down to ringside where everyone's favourite ambiguously gay commentator Bobby Rilye sits. And next to him, everyone's equally favourite spandex-clad superhero, Cyclone Comet! "Welcome BACK to SWF Smarkdown, citizens and fans!" Comet hollers. "As you can see, our next match is already close to being underway!" "Indeed." Riley nods boredly. "We've got the drug-addled lunatic Levy, the freak in the penguin suit, going up against..." "Citizen Xavier and the POWER of MANSONOSITY!" Comet booms. But even as Comet utters these words, the camera pans to the ring. Petey waddles back and forth, as if pacing, as Levy slouches haphazardly in one corner with a stoned grin on his face. Nathan Xavier stands opposite the duo, looking around curiously for his tag team partner. But Manson is nowhere in sight, and it seems everyone's patience is wearing thin. Referee Matthew Kivell keeps casting glances at the ramp, and the two announcers look at each other almost curiously. "It seems Citizen Xavier may be alone tonight, Robert. I don't see Citizen Manson anywhere..." "Guess that makes it a handicap match, Comet?" "Referee Kivell certainly seems to be ready to announce it that way..." Sliding out of the ring, Matthew Kivell heads over to Funyon, telling the ringside announcer something. With a nod, the ringside announcer rises to his feet and clears his throat, lifting his microphone to his lips. "Ladies and gentlemen! The following contest has been ruled..." All the lights suddenly drop out out, causing the fans to shriek and cat-call into the darkness. Green lights flicker up along the ramp, as near emerald-coloured mist filters out of the entranceway. The Smarktron flickers, and a familiar tune trills its way out of the speakers. "Your cruel device..." It's instantly recognisable as Alice Cooper's "Poison." "Your blood, like ice..." Bobby Riley's blood runs cold. "One look could kill..." The fans begin a faint chaint, one that begins to pick up. In the ring, Petey is the only one that appears to know what is going on, as Xavier looks around in confusion and Levy continues to look stoned. "My pain, your thrill!" Green pyrotechnics erupt all along the stage, and as the lights come back up and the crowd cheers, a familiar figure comes strutting through the smoke, a slight smirk on her musteline face. Tossing her hair from her face, Ebony surveys the ring with a smirk, before striding down the ramp. Her tail swishes slightly, and she inspects one clawed hand almost nonchantly. The chant in the crowd picks up momentum, a mostly female chant. "EB-O-NY!" "EB-O-NY!" "EB-O-NY!" "And... Citizen Ebony is here." Comet says hesitantly. "You know what this means, Comet." Riley cringes. Sliding under the bottom rope and kipping lightly to her feet, the clearly nonhuman figure springs up to the middle turnbuckle, lifting her arms into the air with a grin, showing off her feminine figure. The only person in the ring to have an idea of what could happen, Petey abruptly charges forward from behind. But Ebony is far too sly and far too quick, and the ferret-weasel hybrid simply backflips off the turnbuckles. Petey crashes into the ring post, and Ebony lands lithely behind him, before landing a kick Kibagami would wince it square into the penguin-suit-wearer's testicles. "OOOOOOH!" the crowd winces as Petey makes incoherent gabbling noises. With a shrug, Ebony swings ANOTHER clawed kick into Petey's testicles, sending the suiter to the mat in obvious agony. Suddenly aware this will be his fate, Nathan Xavier charges at the ferreasel as she turns around. He finds his face meeting the mat as the black-suited mustelid trips him up with a drop toe hold, and as he rolls over, he sees her lift one claw into the air with a sadistic smirk before slamming it back down. Xavier's scream goes up a few octaves, and everyone winces as Ebony applies a testicular claw! Bobby Riley just whimpers. Cyclone Comet looks on with a faintly disgusted look on his masked face. Ebony looks for all the world like she's having great fun. Releasing the girlishly shrieking Xavier from her grasp, the ferreasel turns around to look for the third person she saw in the ring. Levy slides up to a standing position and comes out of the corner with a lopsided grin, but a superkick to the jaw wipes the smile off his face and sends him falling back against the turnbuckles. Standing over the sprawling Levy, Ebony looks out at the crowd and flashes a wink to a female at ringside, before lifting her clawed foot and slamming it down into Levy's groin. But she doesn't stop there, and the crowd begins to count along. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" The counting stops after Ebony reaches somewhere around fifteen and shows no signs of stopping. At thirty, even the crowd is wincing and holding their testicles. Finally stopping at the mammoth count of fifty, Ebony does a light backflip and inspects her handiwork. Petey hunches up on the far side of the ring, holding his groin, while Nathan Xavier is flat on his back and also holding his poor tortured bits. And Bryan Levy lost consciousness at around twenty-five, but that hadn't stopped the ferreasel from venting a bit of anti-testicle rage. Standing in the middle of the ring, she twirls around and does a flamboyant bow, earning a mixture of cheers from the girls and boos from the guys. "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins (and pins) I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin (deep in) I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison!" As Alice Cooper's "Poison" rings out over the arena once more, Ebony slides out of the ring and dusts off her bodysuit with a smirk. Striding around ringside, she exchanges whispers and winks with a few girls at ringside, one of whom hands the ferreasel a small slip of paper. With a throaty chuckle, the mustelid nearly dances up the stage with the smirk stamped on her features, before disappearing and leaving the ringside area entirely. "Well... that was... bad." Comet manages. "It's... kinda... their fault, really." Riley adds. "We'll be right back... after these messages..." Comet continues. "Maybe the power of MANSONOSITY saved Citizen Manson..." "Who knows..." Riley answers, holding his groin with both hands in sympathy for the men in the ring. "Can we just get some EMTs out here?" And we fade to black.

And we come back to SWF STORM, already in progress, with the Saavis Center crowd eagerly awaiting the next match of the evening as we go down to the announcer’s table, where Comet and Bobbie Riley take it away. “This next match could, sadly, be a rain-check,” says Comet somberly, “As last week we saw Justin Bowers get utterly destroyed at the hands of Toxxic, taking the full brunt of a Dangerlust to end the match. He had to be stretchered out, and I haven’t heard of any improvement of his condition.” Bobbie gives a callous laugh at that. “He’s just being a wuss about the entire situation. He should just walk it off…” Bobbie laughs even harder at the end of the joke, but Comet stares at him harshly. “He might never walk again, Bobbie.” “I know, that’s what made the joke so damn fun-OW!” cries the heel as Comet gives him a stiff slap of JUSTICE~! on the back of his head. As the crowd continues to wait anxiously for the wrestlers to enter, the SmarkTron flickers to life, showing the backstage. The camera pans back to reveal Alex Zenon and William Hearford, and the Judge is obviously angry. “How could you book him in a match?! He’s got a broken neck, God damn it!” “I didn’t!” says Zenon defensively, not wanting to look like a fool, “Look, I didn’t book the match. It came from a higher up…” “A higher up?! Then-“ “-It would be me.” The camera shifts to the side as the smirking visage of the Suicide King enters the shot, looking almost at the point of laughter. “I thought it would be a nice show of humor on his part. You know, laugh at one’s faults..."” Hearford glares at the smaller man with a look that could wipe a small city off the map. Of course, it doesn’t faze King a bit. “Oh well, I thought it was funny…" He says, walking past both of them as they watch him start to walk off camera before he suddenly stops. "Ah, almost forgot. Judge, if you don't have another guy by next week, you're fired. Good luck." he says with an even bigger grin before walking away. With that, Hearford watches along with Zenon for a few moments before storming off in the other direction, leaving Zenon along as the SmarkTron fades away. “What blatant disregard for the plight of others!” decries Comet as Riley smirks a little. “Well, at least he has a good sense of humor like me…OW!” he says as Comet once again gives him a slap of JUSTICE~! as we *FADE OUT*

As we return to Smarkdown, Ced Ordonez and Munich are already in the ring, ready to kick off the opening match of the show, when suddenly... "Sail Away" hits the PA... AND G0RO BEINGZ MAKING BIG ENTRANCE!11!!1!1 GOR0 RUNS DOWN AISLE AND EATS LITTLE BOY IN FRONT ROWZ1!!!1! CROWD SMILE (BUT ARE SUBTLY BEINGZ HORRIFIED) AND CED LAUGH. GOR0 STEP INTO RING AND MUNICH TRY TO PUNCH GOR0 AND... HE CONNECTZ!1!!! GOR0 BEINGS HURTZ!!1! GOR0 STUMBLES INTO TURNBUCKLE AND HOLDS JAW AS IF IN PAIN LIKE A HURT PERSON WHO WAS ESPECIALLY INJURED AND HAS REASON TO BE HURTINGZ!!1!12~!2 (GOR0 DO THIS TO SHOW HE CAN PUT OVER LOW CARDERS AND NOT HOLDING DOWNZ WRESTLERS!1!1!1!) ...THEN GOR0 GOR0ING UP AND GORE CED INTO PUDDLE OF OWN GORE!1!1! NOW MUNICH LAUGH BUT GOR0 HIT HIM WITH GOR0 PUNCH!!!11!1 SECOND G0RO PUNCH!! MUNICH STUMBLE AROUND AND GOR0 TEASE THIRD G0RO PUNCH... ...BUT G0RO FAKE MUNICH OUT WITH REALLY BIG PUNCH!!1!!!1 GOR0 HAS BIG MOVELIST!1111 GoR0 BEINGZ SERIOUS TECHNICAL WRESTLERZ!1@!1!!oneoneone GOR0 SOON TIRE OF MATCH AND NEED NAP BUT SNACK GOOD IDEA FIRST SO GOR0 PICK UP MUNICH AND EAT HIM TOO... FOR STRENGTHZ!!1!1! GOR0 WIN MATCH AND CROWD SMILE MORE AND SAY 'YAY GOR0!' AND GOR0 HAPPY AND GOES TO GET WARM MILK FOR RESTS The End.