the.weej

The show returns after the commercials and we see HISTORY’S GREATEST TAG TEAM of Judge Mental and Ejiro Fasaki, along with Annie Eclectic at the announcers’ table. Judge: “Welcome back to SWF GENESIS, THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!” Annie: “Actually, Genesis doesn’t start for another couple of hours.” Judge: “At this point in time, woman… I would appreciate you not correcting my semantics.” Ejiro: “What a night this is going to be! Eight hours long, one INCREDIBLE match after another!” Annie: “Eight hours?!? Urgh… I’ll probably die from the wait.” Judge: “Why, Annie, I didn’t know you were looking forward to my World Championship title Main Event against Tom Flesher!” Annie: “I’m not. I’ve got a date with Carmina Burana, who’s going to sing this year’s theme song.” Ejiro: “Annie, Carmina Burana is a *cantata* written by Carl Orff.” Annie: “… Uhhh… I knew that.” Funyon: “The following tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall! The winners of this match will go on to earn a title contendership, to be cashed in at a later date. Without further ado…” The opening beats of X-Japan’s “Rose of Pain” hits and from behind the curtain appears the hunched form of Craig McLennan. He heads purposefully towards the ring when suddenly he stops. Reaching into his body suit, he produces his trademark -- a Zippo™-brand lighter! He runs the rest of the way into the ring and slides under the bottom rope before putting his trusty lighter down in the corner. Funyon: “Introducing first, weighing at 205 lbs, the man from Duncan, BC, CRAIG MCLEEEEENNNANNNNNNNN!” The crowd boos as McLennan ascends to the top turnbuckle and adjusts his yellow mask, before executing a perfect backflip onto the canvas as he awaits his partner. Just as McLennan completes his acrobatic act, the lights go dark. Chanting can be heard in the background and spotlights fly over the audience, as a single phrase is uttered across the Gardens: "Why don't you ask me what it feels like to be a freak?" Rob Zombie's "Demon Speeding" erupts from the speakers as several pyros run up the ramp, from ringside to entrance, ending with an explosion and flash of flames, revealing the exuberant form of Jimmy Liston at the top. The Demon raises a fist towards the crowd before walking down the ramp to ringside. Funyon: “And his partner, weighing at 228 lbs, he hails from Boston, Massachusetts! He is THE DEMON, JIMMY LIIIISSSSSSTOOOOOOOONNNNN!” Liston slides into the ring, climbs the near turnbuckle, and thrusts his fist into the air in time with the music. The Demon shakes hands with his partner McLennan as the house lights are brought up, and the music fades. Ejiro: “The Demon is a huge man, and he looks all set to dominate this match!” Judge: “Ah, but don’t forget who he’s facing tonight… Dominic Korgath, 6’ 4” and weighing 350 lbs!” Ejiro: “The Hoss from Azeroth!” Annie: “Shut up!” “The Gauntlet” starts to play over the speaker system. The crowd in the Gardens gives a mixed reaction, not sure how they are to react to the man who has yet to prove his worth in the SJL. Brian Kingsmen appears from behind the curtain, but his arrogant attitude is nowhere in sight as he walks down the ramp and slides under the ropes. Not bothering to give the crowd a second look, Brian simply focuses on his two opponents. Funyon: “Now entering the ring, from parts unknown, he weighs in at 180 pounds..... BRIAN KINGSSSSMMMMEN!!” Annie: “Curious. This will be the second time in a week that Kingsmen’s attitude seems to have taken a slow boat to China.” Ejiro: “He’s probably worried about having Dominic Korgath as his partner tonight. I doubt the Big Demon has forgiven him for his latest stolen win on Wrath.” Judge: “We will just have to see. The three men are in the ring and we are now awaiting the arrival of…” “ON THE LEFT!” Zach de la Rocha’s “March of Death” pounds loudly over the speakers, filling the whole of the Gardens with the hated theme of the stable known as Urban Decay. Judge: “Urban Decay will see yet another of its active members leave today as the English Dragon makes his debut in the SWF.” Ejiro: “And in an irony only the Suicide King could pull off, Dragon faces former Urban Decay leader John Duran! What a match it’s going to be!” Judge: “Well, SJL Commissioner Chris Raynor had better be hoping that Korgath wins tonight, otherwise the Urban Decay would be totally and absolutely buried.” Annie: “I’m just hoping that Korgath gets a valet soon. I need someone new to view.” The big man emerges from behind the curtains to a loud wave of boos, curses and Klez worms as the crowd rains its undying hatred for Dominic Korgath. All the Big Demon does in return is simply raise his iron staff high in brazen defiance to the crowd, before making his way down to the ring. Referee Anthony Michael Hall tries his best to get Korgath to put aside the staff but Korgath simply brushes the official aside without a second thought and puts down the staff in his corner, propped against the turnbuckle. Hall is losing his patience and demands that Korgath remove the staff from the ring or face instant disqualification. Kingsmen, upon hearing this, immediately does his part to convince the Big Demon not to throw away the match so easily, but the only reaction from Korgath is to shove Kingsmen over the top rope and onto the ground. The Big Demon looks like he’s about to continue the assault on his partner when his two opponents, Liston and McLennan jump him from behind. Ejiro: “Yep, it looks like Korgath is still holding a grudge against Kingsmen for pinning him on Wrath.” Judge: “I’m not surprised. Few men in the SJL have even managed to take the Big Demon down before, let alone pin the man. But from the way the situation looks now, Dominic has just turned this into a 3-on-1 handicapped match. ” *DING DING DING* Hall calls for the bell as Liston and McLennan start by chopping the gigantic chest of Dominic Korgath. However, the massive worker simply shoves McLennan to the ground in return. Liston, however, manages to get a few blows in and sends Korgath to the corner. Liston tries to irish whip Korgath, but the big man is simply too strong, even for the smaller Demon, who ends up in the corner instead. Korgath knocks the wind out of Liston with a brutal elbow to the chest. Pressing his advantage, Dominic pounds away at Liston, each fist carrying with it enough power to knock out a smaller man. Unsatisfied with the damage he’s already caused, Korgath bends down and begins to ram his right shoulder into the gut of the smaller Demon. Ejiro: “Jimmy Liston’s only been in a match with Dominic Korgath once before, and that was a stipulation even Annie would have nightmares over.” Judge: “And that would be…?” Annie: “The Calvinball match.” All three announcers shudder visibly as the match continues in the ring. Korgath finally releases Liston from the corner of the ring and the smaller Demon sinks slowly to the mat, clutching his stomach in pain. Korgath lets out a loud roar of triumph as he drags his opponent to the centre of the ring and covers him for the victory. ONE!!! NO!!!!!!!! Craig McLennan breaks the fall, much to Dominic’s unhappiness. The giant turns on the spandex-covered wrestler, even as McLennan gets the hell out of the ring. Korgath turns back to his fallen opponent and is less than pleased to see Liston trying to get up. Korgath kicks Liston in the gut, preventing any form of recovery. Dominic then proceeds in his attempt to break the smaller Demon’s body by stomping once, twice, three times on the back of the fallen man! Liston groans in pain from the beating he receives, but Korgath refuses to relent. The Big Demon picks up the weakened man and clutches him in a bearhug, trying to further aggravate the pain in Liston’s back. Korgath holds the submission for what seems like an eternity for Liston, the smaller man losing consciousness with every second. Finally, Korgath throws Liston down to the mat WITH AUTHORITY! and tags in Kingsmen. Brian Kingsmen comes in to little reaction from the audience, until he hits a missile dropkick on Liston, sending the broken man back down to the canvas. Then the crowd really doesn’t hold back, and starts egging on the cruiserweight. McLennan comes in to even the odds, but Kingsmen simply dodges out of the way and starts punching away at the masked McLennan. Ejiro: “Hmmmph. That upstart Kingsmen’s identity crisis has the crowd rather confused. They aren’t sure if they’re supposed to cheer him or not.” Judge: “Right now, I just want this match to be over and done with, actually. Liston looks to be in deep trouble and Korgath’s hardly lost a drop of sweat.” McLennan kicks at the gut of Kingsmen, but Brian drops back, bounces against the ropes and takes down his opponent with a perfectly executed hurracanrana. Kingsmen goes for a quick pin, but McLennan is out even before Hall can hit the canvas. Unperturbed, Kingsmen hits the ropes again and tries to bring Craig down with a bulldog, but McLennan counters with such speed that Brian is on the mat even before he realizes. McLennan kicks him several times before dragging him to the post and, going out of the ring, begins working away at the arm of Brian Kingsmen. Judge: “McLennan really taking it to the rookie. These two high-flyers are evenly matched, but I dare say McLennan has the experience and the cruelty to gain the upper hand.” Ejiro: “I’m loving every second of it, and so is Korgath, from the look of things. The Big Demon seems hardly disturbed that his partner is getting the snot beat out of him!” McLennan climbs back into the ring and continues to rain blows on the injured arm of Kingsmen. Craig puts Brian in an armbar and keeps on stretching the arm beyond its natural limit. Brian is in terrible pain now, even as the young wrestler tries to leverage out of the hold, there is only so much he can do. McLennan mercilessly applies even more pressure to the arm, and Anthony Hall crouches down to check on the status of Brian Kingsmen. After several excruciating seconds, Brian manages to drag himself towards the ropes… he grabs it! Hall forces McLennan to break the hold, which he does. McLennan picks up Kingsmen and with strength he shouldn’t have, lifts up the youngster and plants him with a German suplex! Then, holding on to the throw, lifts his body to form a bridge. Hall goes down for the three count! ONEEEEE!!!! TWOOOOO!!!!!! NO!!!!! Annie: “Oh my god. Brian Kingsmen must have drawn on some unholy power to break out of that massive suplex!” Judge: “Now since when did you use hyperbole in your speech, woman?” Annie: “Since forever, now call the match!” McLennan continues to work on the injured arm of Brian Kingsmen, laying it flat on the canvas and driving a hard knee into the elbow joint, sending a jolt of undeserved pain into the youngster. The Canadian then drags Kingsmen to his corner and tags in Liston before putting the icing on the cake with a stiff roundhouse kick! Jimmy Liston, now partially recovered from the massive beating he took from Korgath, grabs the arms of Brian Kingsmen and, hooking them, begins to headbutt his opponent repeatedly. Kingsmen’s body goes numb to the pain as Liston continues the cranial offence. When Brian’s eyes disappear into his head, Liston simply picks up the kid by the neck and begins choking him in mid-air before sending him crashing down to the mat. Ejiro: “Bloodlust and Torment combo! Liston’s really pulling out all his moves against the helpless Kingsmen.” Jimmy Liston, fired up by his slew of offence, picks up Kingsmen again and spears him, before wrapping his arms around Brian and with unnatural speed, drives both himself and Kingsmen into the corner. Kingsmen hurtles towards the turnbuckle and gets the wind knocked out of his body, but in his excitement, Liston provided the opportunity for Korgath to tag himself in. Dominic Korgath re-enters the fray as Liston, mindful of the beating he took before, decides to bring in McLennan for a double-team effort. However, even Liston’s strength is no match for Korgath as the Big Demon pounds away at Liston and sends the smaller Demon to the outside with a big clothesline. McLennan goes for a couple of elbows on Korgath, but to no avail, as the giant simply sends McLennan over the top rope as well. Hall goes out to check on the two men, leaving Korgath alone in the ring, celebrating. After two seconds or so, however, Korgath goes to bring his opponents back into the ring, only to be ambushed by them! Liston jumps onto the apron and holds Korgath down, while McLennan climbs the top rope and executes a top-rope hurracanrana, bringing the Big Demon down! Judge: “I see it, but I don’t believe it! The double team of Liston and McLennan have brought the Big Demon down!” Korgath lies panting on the mat, stunned at the suddenness of the attack. Jimmy Liston goes for the cover. Ejiro: “This is it! Liston’s going to win!” ONE!!!!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Annie: “WHAT?!?” Judge: “WHAT?!?” Ejiro: “I don’t believe it! McLennan broke the fall! He screwed his own partner! But why!?! WHY!?!” Judge: “It’s all because of the damned stipulations! Raynor is a sick genius! Whoever gets the fall will get a shot at the European title!” Annie: “McLennan’s obviously not going to be content with a TV title shot. He wants all the damn glory for himself!” Liston is beside himself with fury, and starts trash-talking with McLennan, who simply argues back. They get in each others’ faces until Liston loses it as he pushes McLennan away. The Demon starts beating down his partner, before picking up McLennan and, to the wonder of the crowd, plants Craig McLennan with a massive powerbomb! Judge: “This is insane! Liston has just killed McLennan with the Descent!” Ejiro: “His own partner!” Judge: “Now that is why no one is better than Justice and Rule.” Annie: “Gimme a break.” Liston seems only too satisfied with his work, and turns around, only to be taken down by a HUGE FOREARM from Dominic Korgath! Jimmy Liston goes down, but quickly gets up again, only to find himself down on the mat again from a BIG BOOT by the Big Demon! Korgath picks up the smaller man, clubs him several times to weaken him, before putting Liston in a fireman’s carry position and transitioning to the Torture Rack! Judge: “Dominic Korgath has locked in the Torture Rack! No one has ever broken from this hold before!” Annie: “Mainly because he doesn’t use it often.” Ejiro: “Semantics, woman! Semantics!” Liston’s back has been pushed to its limit before, but even the Demon is unable to withstand the incredible amount of pain that his body is experiencing now. Referee Anthony Hall checks in on Liston, waiting to hear the words of submission, but Liston still holds on. Seconds pass, and Korgath is getting irritated. He starts jumping up and down to make the move even more excruciating! The Garden is filled with the cry of a broken Liston as he yells… “I GIIIIIIVEEEEE! I GIVE UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!” *DING DING DING* Funyon: “The winner of this match by submission, earning him a chance at the European title…. DOMINNNICCCCCCCCCC KOOOORRRRGAAAAAATTTTTHHH!” Korgath drops Liston after Funyon’s announcement and raises his arms in triumph. The crowd continues to rain jeers and hatred on him, although some are standing and applauding in appreciation. “And his partner, earning a shot at the Television Title by virtue of this victory….” But before Funyon can continue, Korgath grabs Brian Kingsmen by the throat and, lifting his partner high into the air, brings him down hard to the mat with a MASSIVE CHOKESLAM. Then, doing the unexpected, Korgath climbs to the top turnbuckle… Judge: “No, he can’t be serious…” …and leaping as high as he can into the air, lands his FULL 350 lbs mass onto the youngster’s body with a brutal legdrop! The crowd goes crazy, chanting “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” Ejiro: “Dominic Korgath has gone absolutely nuts!” Annie: “Holy shit! I didn’t think it was possible!” Korgath stands over the fallen bodies of Liston, McLennan and Kingsmen. For the first time in months, we hear from his lips, “I AM VICTORIOUS!” The camera zooms in, bringing the masked face of Dominic Korgath into view. Over the roar of the crowd, he raises his arms to the heavens and cries aloud… “I AM THE URBAN DECAY!” Korgath’s demon mask is all we see the scene fades out to commercials…

[The scene opens with an interior shot of the sold out Madison Square Garden in New York City, New York. The SWF Genesis set is fully in place, the massive marble pillars and Grecian buildings creating an awe-inspiring, even slightly intimidating, scene. The official Genesis theme, “O Fortuna” from Carmina Burana, blares as the camera slowly pans around the near-capacity crowd (some fans are still filing in), which is a sea of signs, SWF merchandise and screaming fans. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation as Funyon – sharply dressed in a new tuxedo – enters the ring, microphone in hand.] Funyon: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the COUNTDOWN TO GENESIS! [A cheer goes up from the crowd.] Funyon: Tonight at SWF Genesis IV, the very best the Smarks Wrestling Federation has to offer will be in action...but before that show begins, we are proud to present FIVE exclusive matches featuring the up-and-coming young stars of the Smarks Junior Leagues! [This draws cheers in its own right.] Funyon: Tonight’s first match is a no-disqualification, no-countout hardcore match scheduled for one fall, and it is for the SJL Television Championship! Introducing first, the challenger...hailing from London, England...standing six feet tall and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-nine pounds...JAY MORRISON! [The fans begin booing as “We Took Pelham” blares throughout the arena. Backlit by blue strobe lights, Jay Morrison walks out into the entryway, standing there briefly to take in the crowd’s reaction. From his silhouette, it’s visible that he has a Singapore cane in his hand. The strobe light cuts out as Jay Morrison walks out onto the stage. Jay Morrison is without his ornate gold ring robe, but, in addition to his usual black boots and gold singlet embossed with a Pounds Sterling sign, Jay Morrison is wearing black knee and elbow pads and a gold-painted goalie mask.] Annie: Check it out. Jay Morrison, space pimp. Judge: Morrison is not used to wrestling hardcore matches, but it looks like he’s done a decent job of preparing himself for this one. That goalie mask – along with just about anything else Morrison or Bowers can think of – is perfectly legal, for use as protection or as a weapon. Eijiro: There’s nothing like starting the night off with a straight-up fight, and that’s exactly what this is going to be! [Jay Morrison holds the Singapore cane over his head, then dramatically swings it downward as a chain of red pyrotechnic bursts erupts from the sides of the entrance ramp. Jay Morrison slowly makes his way to the ring, being booed and taunted the entire way. He vaults up onto the ring apron, again holding the Singapore cane over his head as the crowd boos him mercilessly. Jay Morrison ducks through the ropes and takes his corner.] Annie: Again, this match puts the crowd in an odd position, because neither competitor really presents anything they’d want to cheer for. It all comes down to who they hate less, and...and I don’t believe this myself...judging by their reaction at Metal, that might actually be Bowers! Funyon: And his opponent...accompanied to the ring by Kate Elliot...fighting out of Sudbury, Ontario, Canada and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-six pounds...he is the SJL Television Champion...BRIAN BOWERS! [The houselights cut out, and the video screen abruptly cuts to static. “The Gash (Battle Hymn for the Wounded Mathematician)” by the Flaming Lips begins blaring over the PA as Brian Bowers and Kate Elliot emerge from the entryway, met by a wave of boos from the crowd. Brian Bowers is pushing an old red wheelbarrow loaded to the top with plundah. The wheelbarrow’s visible contents include a “No Parking Anytime” sign, a hockey stick, a table lamp, a steel chair, a pipe wrench, a trash can lid and a tree branch. A coil of boat rope is hanging over one side. Brian Bowers is still dressed in his ring gear from last Wrath – torn, weather-beaten army pants and a black Primus “Pork Soda” t-shirt. He’s also wearing a badly damaged floor-length black duster, worn open to reveal the SJL Television championship belt around his waist. Instead of the maroon boots he typically wears, however, Bowers is sporting a pair of massive beige steel-toed Caterpillar boots.] Judge: I don’t even want to THINK about what those boots are for. [Kate Elliot – dressed in ankle-high Doc Martens, tight black jeans, a silver chain belt and a Tim Hortons uniform shirt with a nametag that says “Brent” – is carrying an axe handle and has a Nalgene sports bottle clipped to one of her belt loops. The house lights fade back up as Brian Bowers and Kate Elliot toward the ring. Brian Bowers’ attention is fixed on the contents of his wheelbarrow. He’s entirely oblivious to the crowd, the vast majority of which is booing him emphatically.] Eijiro: Bowers coming out prepared for this hardcore match! Morrison brought one lousy weapon out with him – Bowers brought a whole wheelbarrow! [brian Bowers pushes the wheelbarrow around to the side of the ring. He throws the pipe wrench over the ropes and into the ring. The sign, trash can lid and hockey stick follow it in. Bowers then removes his jacket and the SJL Television title belt, handing them both over to the timekeeper. Jay Morrison stays in his corner. He holds the Singapore cane over his shoulder, ready to strike.] Annie: This is Bowers’ kind of match – he doesn’t even have to concern himself with the referee! Judge: You know, Bowers might actually be at a disadvantage in a legitimate hardcore match. Both competitors are free to use any means necessary in this match. Bowers normally relies on ninja cheating, operating under the referee’s radar in a way that most of his opponents can’t. It’s actually a level playing field now, and Bowers has proven that he isn’t great in that situation. [bowers looks for something in the bottom of the wheelbarrow, eventually coming up with a pair of poorly-made nunchuks.] Eijiro: Where the hell did Bowers get nunchuks? Annie: I think he MADE them! It looks like he sawed a broom handle in half! [Tucking the nunchuks into the waistband of his pants, Bowers finally gets into the ring. Kate Elliot remains at ringside. As Bowers ducks through the ropes, Jay Morrison runs at him and takes a two-handed overhand swing with the Singapore cane. He misses Bowers, though, and bounces the cane off the ropes. Bowers goes low on Morrison with a double-leg takedown, driving a shoulder into his midsection and spearing him down to the mat. Morrison holds onto the Singapore cane and quickly gets to his feet.] Judge: Morrison overshot Bowers with that Singapore cane, and Bowers took him down! [seeing that the match has already started anyway, Eddy Long calls for the bell.] *DING DING DING* [As Morrison gets up, Bowers grabs him by the right arm...and fires him into the ropes! Morrison collides back-first with the ropes and runs back toward Bowers, raising the Singapore cane over his head.] Annie: Morrison sizing Bowers up... [As Morrison charges in, Bowers runs right at him. He plants his left foot and kicks out with his right, nailing Morrison square in the groin with a field goal kick! Much to the shock of the crowd, though, Morrison barely even breaks his stride! As Bowers’ kick makes contact, Jay Morrison brings the Singapore cane down hard on Bowers’ right shoulder! A second cane shot to the side of the neck takes Bowers down to his knees, and a jumping knee to the head puts him on his back on the canvas!] Judge: Morrison jumps in with a knee to the head, laying Bowers out on the canvas! Annie: Morrison must be wearing more protection than just that hockey mask! Bowers took a running start and kicked him square in the groin with a steel-toed boot, and he didn’t go down! Eijiro: Morrison obviously learned something from his last match with Bowers! [Morrison is on Bowers immediately, planting a knee on his chest and bracing the Singapore cane across his throat, holding it down with both hands while Bowers thrashes around trying to free himself. The fans are wildly booing Jay Morrison, with a few scattered cheers audible.] Judge: Morrison’s choking Bowers out with that Singapore cane! Annie: Morrison needs to do exactly that – he needs to stay on Bowers, keeping him on the mat and away from any weapons. Morrison’s not the experienced hardcore wrestler Bowers is, but he has a significant edge in terms of athleticism and pure wrestling ability. He needs to take full advantage of that if he wants to win this match! [bowers is able to get both hands on the Singapore cane. Straining, he pushes upward on it, while Morrison pushes down with all of the force he can manage. Morrison keeps the advantage, holding the Singapore cane down across Bowers’ throat for several seconds, until Bowers gives it a massive two-handed push, snapping Morrison’s upper body backward enough to let him slip his head out from underneath the Singapore cane. Morrison keeps his knee in position, though, and, keeping his grip on the Singapore cane, delivers a two-handed shot to Bowers’ forehead, striking hard with the portion of the cane between his hands. As the back of Bowers’ head hits the mat, Jay Morrison gets to his feet.] Judge: Jay Morrison more than holding his own so far! Eijiro: He was able to take Bowers by surprise by standing up to that low blow, and he’s been in control of this match ever since! [He holds the Singapore cane above his head for another strike, drawing boos from the crowd. Morrison changes his mind, though, and throws the cane down.] Annie: What’s he doing?! [Jay Morrison takes a step back, holds his arms at his sides...and drops a falling headbutt! Morrison catches nothing but canvas, though, as Bowers rolls out of the way! The fans cheer, not so much for Bowers as for Morrison falling on his face.] Eijiro: Morrison was looking for a headbutt with that goalie mask, which WOULD have been a devastating maneuver, but Bowers rolled out of the way! Judge: Bowers wasn’t quite as out of it as Jay Morrison thought! [Morrison gets to his feet as Bowers does, reeling slightly from the impact. Just as Jay Morrison regains his footing...Bowers runs him over with a trash can lid shot! Morrison goes down! This is met primarily with boos, but there are still occasional cheers audible.] Annie: Bowers just flattened Morrison! [bowers throws the trash can lid aside and takes the nunchuks out of his waistband.] Judge: Bowers upgrading his weapon! Annie: I still can’t believe he brought nunchuks...and crappy ones at that. At least Steve Blackman’s glowed. [bowers gives them a quick spin to build momentum...and Morrison kicks them out of his hand! The nunchuks sail over the top rope and land with a clatter on the concrete at ringside, while Bowers grabs his hand in pain.] Judge: But Morrison popped right back up and kicked those nunchuks out of his hand! Eijiro: Lucky for him that he did! Those look like they could have done a lot of damage! [Jay Morrison steps in on Bowers and grabs him by the right hand. Yanking downward on his arm, he pulls him right into a headbutt with the goalie mask! Bowers staggers back with his eyes rolling up as Jay Morrison rocks back on his heels...then levels him with a right-arm lariat! Morrison follows through with the move, taking Bowers down and quickly scrambling over for a cover.] Eijiro: Morrison connects with the headbutt, then follows it up with a huge lariat! He covers... [Eddy Long slides into position to make the count...] ONE TW...SHOULDER UP! [bowers lifts his left shoulder with authority, almost throwing Morrison right off him.] Judge: Bowers gets the left shoulder up before the count of two! Annie: If Morrison can keep doing what he’s doing, he’s got a real good shot at leaving here with the Television title. He’s staying a step ahead of Bowers, not letting him use any of those weapons. [Morrison grabs hold of Brian Bowers’ arm, lifting him to his feet and whipping him into the ropes. Morrison throws his own body onto the mat to create more momentum, and Bowers steps over the prone Morrison as he rebounds off the ropes. While down, Morrison grabs the nearby pipe wrench from the mat. Bowers bounces back-first off the ropes on the opposite side and bears down on Morrison, who takes a massive cut at him with the pipe wrench! There are audible gasps in the crowd as Morrison’s swing sails just over the head of a ducking Brian Bowers. Bowers continues running for a few steps, and turns to grab Morrison from behind. He hooks a waistlock, but Morrison gives him a short shot to the right arm with the wrench, breaking his grip! The boos for Jay Morrison are getting louder.] Annie: Morrison using one of Bowers’ weapons against him! Judge: Morrison didn’t have the room to pull off a swing like the one he took earlier, but he hit Bowers’ hands hard enough to break his grip! [Dropping the pipe wrench, Jay Morrison spins around to stand back-to-back with Brian Bowers. He wraps his arm around Bowers’ head...and drops him with a reverse neckbreaker! Bowers’ neck snaps back hard as Morrison kicks out with the move. Both competitors end up on their backs on the mat, but Morrison is the only one to get to his feet.] Eijiro: Hangman’s neckbreaker by Morrison! Judge: Jay Morrison keeping control of this match thanks to one simple principle – he can’t USE the weapons if he can’t get them! Annie: Plus, once Morrison took low blows out of the equation, he eliminated half of Bowers’ moves. You have to give Jay Morrison credit. Despite his arrogance, despite the fact that he’s...well...he’s generally a lousy human being, he knows what he’s doing in that ring. [Jay Morrison grabs Brian Bowers in a front headlock, forcing him back up to a vertical position. Jay Morrison stands fully upright...then drops back with a DDT! Bowers’ head is spiked into the mat as Morrison throws himself backward. Morrison rolls Bowers over and executes a lateral press, hooking Bowers’ outside leg.] Judge: Morrison with a perfectly executed DDT! Eddy Long is in position... ONE TWO KICKOUT! [brian Bowers kicks out, but is slow to get up from the mat. Morrison keeps him on thje canvas with a series of stomps, drawing jeers from the crowd.] Judge: Morrison’s strategy so far has really been effective. He’s not giving Brian Bowers any opportunities! [Jay Morrison is still stomping Bowers. Having seen enough, Kate Elliot dives through the ropes, still holding the axe handle. She starts swinging as she runs, cracking the axe handle across Morrison’s lower back. Morrison goes down in a heap, falling over Brian Bowers. There are occasional audible cheers, but the majority of the crowd is booing Kate Elliot.] Eijiro: That’s why Kate Elliot’s there! Since this is a no-disqualification match, she’s free to get involved however she sees fit. Annie: I couldn’t help but notice that she let Bowers get the crap kicked out of him for quite a while before she “saw fit”, though. [Kate Elliot pulls Jay Morrison off of Brian Bowers. Bowers slowly gets up, rolling over and pushing up to his knees, then slowly raising himself up to a standing position. He pivots his head, trying to loosen up his neck.] Judge: Bowers really feeling the effects of that DDT! [bowers walks over to Jay Morrison, who is starting to recover from the axe handle shot. Hooking underneath his shoulders with both arms and clasping his hands behind Morrison’s neck, Bowers picks Morrison up in a full nelson! Bowers pushes forward on Morrison’s head, forcing his chin into his chest. Bowers calls to Kate Elliot.] Bowers: Get it! Get the cup! [Kate Elliot reluctantly drops the axe handle. As Jay Morrison struggles, trying to free his arms, Kate Elliot (poker-faced as usual so her enthusiasm about the project can’t really be gauged) reaches into his singlet...] Eijiro: Yike. Stage three cougar alert. [...and removes Morrison’s last line of defense. The fans aren’t sure what to make of Kate Elliot’s actions, alternating between boos, catcalls, and even an occasional cheer. Kate Elliot leaves the ring and pitches Morrison’s nad guard toward the entrance ramp.] Annie: Most people would have tried to take off the goalie mask, but Bowers, the thinking man’s wrestler, went in a whole other direction there. [bowers, straining with the effort, lifts Jay Morrison off his feet...and plants him with a faceslam!] Judge: Bowers with the full nelson faceslam! That has to hurt even with the mask! [bowers releases the full nelson as he throws Morrison to the mat. As soon as Morrison makes contact with the canvas, Bowers steps over his back and locks on a two-handed choke!] Eijiro: Bowers choking Morrison out ion full view of the referee, and there’s nothing he can do about it! [Jay Morrison throws his body weight to the right, rolling into Bowers’ leg. This breaks his grip and takes Bowers’ leg out from underneath him, dropping him on his shoulder.] Annie: Morrison breaks the chokehold! Judge: But it’s going to take him a while to get the air flowing again! You can actually SEE the handprints on his throat! [bowers and Morrison get up at the same time. Bowers comes in high, looking for a collar and elbow tie-up, but Morrison catches him with a kick to the midsection! Bowers doubles over, and Morrison grabs him by the head with both hands, swinging one leg over to apply a standing head-scissors! He tries to hook Bowers’ arms...but before he can, Bowers shoves him hard into the ropes. Morrison stops cold as he hits the ropes, but it still gives Bowers enough time to grab the closest weapon at hand – the hockey stick. Holding it horizontally in front of him, Bowers lunges at Morrison, connecting high on his chest! Morrison goes down hard, landing flat on his back.] Judge: Bowers just crosschecked Morrison! [bowers shifts his grip on the hockey stick, turning the blade to face the ceiling. The boos for Bowers are increasing as he raises the stick up...and drives the BUTT end into Morrison’s midsection! Morrison’s face contorts in pain as he tries to shield himself. He rolls over onto his side, both arms shielding his midsection...and Bowers cracks the blade of the stick across his back! There’s an audible “smack” as the broad side of the blade connects.] Eijiro: Never, ever, EVER give a Canadian a hockey stick. That goalie mask must be giving Bowers flashbacks! [bowers throws the hockey stick aside and covers Morrison, hooking both his legs. Eddy Long dives in to make the count...] Judge: Bowers with a lateral press... ONE TWO KICKOUT! Annie: Not enough! [Despite Bowers hooking his legs, Morrison is still able to kick out with significant force. Bowers quickly gets to his feet, hooking Morrison’s neck from behind as he gets to his knees...] Judge: But now we’re seeing a shift in the momentum of this match. Morrison may be a better athlete and a better pure wrestler, but when it comes to choking and weapons there are very few in the SJL who can hang with Brian Bowers. [...Bowers pulls Morrison up, bending him over backwards as he clasps his hands together for a Dragon sleeper! Morrison is already fighting significantly less than he did in the earlier chokehold. Eddy Long comes over to check on him.] Eijiro: Bowers is starting to focus his offense now. Just like we saw at Wrath, Bowers is working Morrison’s neck, likely looking to set up one of his finishing maneuvers. Annie: And it doesn’t hurt that he beat the hell out of him with a hockey stick, too. That’s more representative of Bowers’ ACTUAL strategy. [Jay Morrison tries to pull his head in close to his chest, at the same time planting his feet and pushing away from Bowers...and he breaks his grip! Jay Morrison escapes the Dragon sleeper, dropping to his knees on the mat...then nails Bowers in the midsection with a lunging elbow thrust! Bowers is momentarily stunned, leaving him open long enough for Jay Morrison to throw his right arm around his neck! Morrison kicks forward, dropping Bowers with an inverted bulldog! This actually draws some cheers, although they are quickly drowned out. Kate Elliot gets back up on the ring apron, holding onto the top rope.] Annie: Morrison takes him down! He fought out of the Dragon sleeper, then caught Bowers completely by surprise with that elbow! [Jay Morrison lands a single stomp on Bowers’ chest, then climbs to the top turnbuckle. Bowers is about one third of the length of the ring away from Morrison...as he leaps off the top rope with a kneedrop to Bowers’ head! This draws an even louder cheer from the crowd. Morrison rolls to the side as he lands, but immediately dives back to make the cover. Eddy Long is already in position...] Judge: Morrison with a kneedrop from the top rope! Lateral press... ONE TWO THR...KATE ELLIOT DIVES IN FOR THE SAVE! Judge: But Kate Elliot breaks up the fall! It looked like Morrison HAD Bowers there! [The fans are wildly booing Kate Elliot.] Eijiro: Some of the fans actually starting to side with Jay Morrison! Annie: Once again, you kind of have to root for someone, and it’s a lot more likely to be the person using actual wrestling moves. Some of the stunts Bowers pulls are clever, but in the end, these people here to see wrestling, and Morrison’s providing a lot more of that than Bowers! [Jay Morrison shoves Kate Elliot back, knocking her on her ass. She looks more angry than hurt , but still rolls out of the ring, leaving Bowers to fend for himself. Jay Morrison turns around to look Bowers square in the eye as he throws out a low kick with his Caterpillar boot...and Morrison catches him with a Dragon Screw! Morrison snaps Bowers’ leg around, sending him spiralling to the mat.] Annie: Morrison countered the low blow with a Dragon screw legwhip! Judge: He’s really got Bowers scouted! [bowers slowly gets to his feet, but Morrison is right on him. Grabbing him by the shirt collar and waistband, he bails Bowers out of the ring, throwing him between the top and middle ropes toward the entrance ramp.] Eijiro: Jay Morrison sends Bowers to the outside! Judge: I’m surprised the match didn’t leave the ring before this point, actually. [bowers slowly gets to his feet on the outside, still trying to re-orient himself after Morrison’s flurry of offense. He turns around to face the ring...just in time to get levelled with a springboard plancha! Morrison rolls through, coming to a stop at the base of the entrance ramp, while Bowers lays motionless on the concrete between the ring and the ramp. Increasingly more of the crowd seems to be siding with Jay Morrison.] Annie: Wow! Morrison from out of NOWHERE with a springboard plancha! Judge: Phenomenal move by Jay Morrison! That’s something you won’t see Bowers do, and it’s that kind of thing that’s let Jay Morrison not only keep up with but completely outpace Bowers in this match! [Jay Morrison slowly gets to his feet, using the guardrail to pull himself up. Bowers isn’t even moving yet, but Kate Elliot has grabbed the steel chair from wheelbarrow of weapons and is circling around the ring, trying to stay out of Morrison’s sight.] Annie: Morrison can’t see Kate Elliot yet! [Jay Morrison rolls Bowers over onto his stomach with a sharp kick to the ribs. He plants one foot on either side of his head, and pulls Bowers up into a standing headscissors. He hooks his arms...TIGER DRIVER ON THE RAMP! Morrison flipped Bowers up in the double underhook, then drove him down on the steel! A “holy shit” chant starts up, backed by a couple of isolated “Morr-i-son” chants keeping the same rhythm. There are still a lot of boos audible, but nothing like earlier in the match.] Eijiro: Double underhook powerbomb ON THE ENTRANCE RAMP! That HAS to be it for Bowers! Judge: But this ISN’T a falls-count-anywhere match! Morrison still has to get Bowers into the ring to fin... [Kate Elliot blindsides Jay Morrison with a running chairshot! Morrison spins to the side, getting an arm down to prevent himself from falling completely. He props himself up on one knee, but before he can even cover up, Kate Elliot brings the chair down directly on his head! Kate Elliot (and by association Bowers) is being booed out of the building. Kate Elliot drops the chair and attends to Brian Bowers.] Annie: Again, Kate Elliot makes the save for Brian Bowers! Judge: But Bowers is still down! I don’t know if he can even make it back to the ring! [Kate Elliot tries to help Bowers to his feet, but he’s dead weight. Thinking quickly, she grabs him by the legs and tries to drag him back toward the ring, but she can barely move him. Jay Morrison is starting to move, but still looks stunned. Kate Elliot finally gives up and slaps Brian Bowers across the face, which seems to bring him around. Bowers tries to shake the cobwebs as Kate Elliot helps him to his feet. She braces him against herself and walks him toward the ring as he regains his footing. Jay Morrison is already on his feet, if still reeling somewhat.] Annie: I really question the wisdom behind these stipulations. Jay Morrison lost his previous match with Bowers largely because of Kate Elliot’s interference...and now he’s in a match where Kate Elliot can interfere at will! Judge: He is...or was...doing pretty damn well for himself, though! Eijiro: And he’s already up from those chairshots! [bowers pushes away from Kate Elliot and moves toward the ring, trying to keep some distance between himself and Jay Morrison. He pulls himself in underneath the bottom rope, and grabs Kate Elliot’s dropped axe handle before Jay Morrison can re-enter the ring. Kate Elliot tries to hold Jay Morrison back, but Bowers just shoves her aside. Bowers stares at Jay Morrison as he re-enters the ring, waiting until he’s through the ropes before coming down with an overhand swing. It’s weak, though, and Morrison catches the axe handle in his hands! Bowers tries to pull it back, but Morrison holds fast! Annie: Bowers with a bad swing there! Morrison got his hands up to block, and now he’s got hold of that axe handle! [Morrison jerks the axe handle back, trying to pull it out of Bowers’ hands. He plants his feet firmly on the mat and throws his weight back...as Bowers kicks him in the groin! Morrison goes down in a heap, groaning in agony. The fans are on their feet booing Brian Bowers.] Eijiro: Bowers connected that time! He was foiled twice before, but he finally hit that kick to the groin! Judge: And he hit it with a steel-toed workboot! Bowers can barely move in those things, but the trade-off is apparently worth it! Annie: Eighteen years old...damn. He barely even got a chance to use them. Eijiro: And you’d care...why? [bowers positions himself above the essentially defenseless Morrison. He hooks his right arm around Morrison’s neck, hoisting him up in a front headlock. He ducks down to grab Morrison’s leg, then, visibly straining, takes him up and over with a low fisherman’s suplex! Morrison lands more on his side than his back, but Bowers still manages to hold onto the leg for the bridge...] Eijiro: And Bowers follows up on the low blow with History’s Ugliest Suplex! He’s got the leg hooked... [Another wave of boos moves through the crowd as Eddy Long starts the count...] ONE TWO THR E ESHOULDER UP!! TWO-COUNT ONLY! [This marks the breaking point – there are more cheers than boos for Jay Morrison.] Annie: He kicked out! Morrison kicked out! Judge: How did he DO that!? Most people wouldn’t even be able to SEE after a workboot to the groin – let alone fight – but Morrison STILL managed to kick out! Eijiro: A lot of it had to do with the fact that that suplex pretty much sucked. Bowers didn’t drop him hard enough, didn’t have him bridged right, and couldn’t hold him down for the three-count. [bowers is visibly frustrated as he grabs the hockey stick again. He raises it high over his head, levelling the blade end over Jay Morrison’s neck. He pulls back...] Annie: He can’t be...that’ll decapitate him! [...and unleashes a mighty swing into the mat! Jay Morrison rolls out of the way at the last second, and Bowers hits nothing but canvas. He drops the hockey stick, and suddenly, Jay Morrison is not only up but running! He takes off in the opposite direction from Bowers...but only to bounce off the ropes for added momentum!] Eijiro: Where is Morrison GETTING this from!? [bowers is slow in getting his hands up, and doesn’t even manage a partial defense as Morrison blasts him with the running Yakuza kick! The crowd is audibly impressed as Morrison lifts his boot well above shoulder level, connecting flat with his sole and laying Bowers out! Morrison manages a quick cover, but isn’t in position to hook the leg. Eddy Long slides into position...] ONE TWO THR...SHOULDER UP! [The crowd audibly deflates. Morrison frantically looks for a weapon while Bowers is still down. The closest one is the trash can lid, which he picks up. Bowers is just getting to his knees as Morrison whangs him over the head with the metal lid, sending him sprawling backward into the ropes. He catches himself just in time to take another shot to the head. Bowers collapses to the mat, covering his face. Morrison hauls Bowers up to his feet, pulling his arms away from his face and revealing a bleeding gash across Bowers’ forehead.] Judge: Jay Morrison busted Bowers wide open with that last shot! Eijiro: It doesn’t look like much, but if you get caught with the edge of one of those signs it can really open you up! [Jay Morrison pulls Bowers toward him, hooking both arms around his waist. Suddenly, he spins around, dropping Bowers hard on his back with a spinebuster! Bowers hits the mat hard enough to snap his head back upward. The fans voice their approval. Kate Elliot is on the apron screaming instructions at Bowers, but he’s not really in a position to follow them.] Annie: Morrison with a spinebuster slam! He covers... [Morrison grabs both of Bowers’ legs, folding him up for the pinfall. Eddy Long is already there...] ONE TWO THR KATE ELLIOT DIVES INTO THE RING... BUT SHE FALLS SHORT! E EKICKOUT! TWO AND NINE TENTHS, BUT NOT THREE! Annie: Bowers just, JUST kicked out there! One more big move and this match is over! [brian Bowers is lying on his side on the mat, with rivulets of blood pouring down his head. The tips of his long, untended bangs are stained from their usual brown to a dark red. Jay Morrison looks like he though the match was over, and appears slightly rattled as he rolls Bowers over. He straightens up, picking Bowers up in a waistlock. Kate Elliot backs off, retreating all the way to the ropes on the opposite side as she unclips the Nalgene bottle from her belt loop and removes the cap. While Jay Morrison hooks Bowers by the waist, she frantically fumbles for something in her jeans pocket.] Eijiro: What in the hell is she doing? Loading up some kind of cheap off-brand mist? Judge: Whatever she’s doing, she’d better do it fast! [Jay Morrison, with significant struggle, flips Brian Bowers up into a crucifix, then...OH MY GOD! KATE ELLIOT BLOWS A BEACHBALL-SIZED FIREBALL AT JAY MORRISON! Everything happens in a split-second, Kate Elliot taking a swig from the bottle, backhanding it behind her, then spraying a mouthful of kerosene at what turned out to be a silver Zippo. She rolls out of the ring a second later. The fireball doesn’t hit Jay Morrison, actually falling several feet short, but Morrison and Bowers briefly cast a shadow over the first few rows as the intense light from the fireball illuminates the ring! Even with the mask on, Jay Morrison instinctively covers his eyes, dropping Brian Bowers out of the crucifix. The fans are initially shocked, then torn between cheering for fire and booing Kate Elliot. Bowers falls on his back behind Jay Morrison...and immediately throws a punch straight up into Jay Morrison’s groin. Jay Morrison howls in pain and collapses to the mat in a triangle, with his knees and forehead touiching the canvas. As Bowers gets to his feet. The boos for Brian Bowers are unbelievable. Kate Elliot has grabbed a can of RC Cola out of the wheelbarrow and is repeatedly rinsing her mouth out on the outside.] Annie: I can’t believe what we just saw! As soon as Bowers was faced away from Morrison, Kate Elliot blew a goddamned fireball at him! Judge: Kate Elliot had one hell of a contingency plan in the form of a bottle of kerosene! It was just a matter of waiting for her opportunity! [bowers steps around Jay Morrison, still bracing himself against him. He applies a left-side front headlock as he positions himself in front of him. He throws an arm around Morrison’s waist, lifting him up off the mat as he falls back with a DDT! The fans are going snake, and several of them have taken to throwing objects at the ring. Brian Bowers, exhausted, covers Jay Morrison. Eddy Long slides in with the count...] ONE TWO THR E E THREE! [Eddy Long calls for the bell.] *DING DING DING!* [The timekeeper stands up, picking up the SJL Television Championship belt and handing it over to Eddy Long. Brian Bowers can barely get to his knees to have his hand raised. Kate Elliot (still holding her soda) enters the ring, turns to spit a mouthful of cola over the ropes, and helps raise Brian Bowers to his feet. Funyon enters the ring.] Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and still SJL Television Champion, Brian Bowers! [Eddy Long presents the belt to Bowers, who slings it over his shoulder. The fans are rabid as Brian Bowers and Kate Elliot leave the ring, with Bowers managing to grab his jacket before they abandon the wheelbarrow at ringside. Brian Bowers and Kate Elliot slink out of the ring area and exit through the service doors.] Annie: Brian Bowers has stolen yet ANOTHER win here tonight, retaining the Television title thanks to Kate Elliot’s giving a whole new meaning to the term “Dragon Lady”. Eijiro: Well, like it or not, you have to admit that fireball looked pretty damn cool.

Card: TV TITLE HARDCORE MATCH Brian Bowers© vs. Jay Morrison Description: On Wrath, Bowers defeated Morrison... by word limit DQ. So these two are going to get one more chance, and with an 8000 word limit, there shouldn’t be any problems. But since simple rematches are so boring, we’re going hardcore. TAG MATCH Jimmy “The Demon Liston” & Craig McLennan vs Dominic Korgath & Brian Kingsmen Description: RANDOM TAG MATCH... but the winner of the fall gets a Euro shot, and his partner, a TV title shot. EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH LADDER/SUBMISSIONS Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs Todd Royal© Description: Maddix threw Royal’s punk card on Wrath, after saying he was too good for the TV title. Well kid, here’s your shot. Can you cash your verbal check? If you want to prove you’re the better wrestler, Commissioner Raynor has thrown in a twist. Either grab the belt from the rafters, or make your opponent submit. WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Manson vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins. Description: These two are at the top of the SJL. But who will climb higher? A contract to the world title contendership is on the line. MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH English Dragon© vs Insane Luchadore vs Aecas Description: IL came so close to finally relaizing his long, long dream of becoming SJL champion for the first time. English Dragon, who is joining the WF roster as of Genesis, puts his title on the line against the scrappy challenger, and the number one contender, Aecas. Will Dragon leave the SJL with his head high, the title around his waist?

It doesn't surprise me if you don't have a lot of ballots, Thugg, since most people (like me) didn't realize there was a due date until NOW. Goddamnit. I'd reccomend extending the time you'll accept ballots until the end of today. -Z

So, hockey season starts in less than a month, and the NHL pre-season begins in four days. Sounds like the perfect time for an SWF fantasy hockey league~ Last year, I tore through the league and crushed all opposition, until I lost to Tom in the finals because he had Peter Forsberg. Bastard. But last year, there weren't a whole lot of other people playing (six, and two of them forgot about their teams almost right after we started), so I'd be really happy if we could get a few more people in on this, even if you're only casual fans. SWF Puck You 03/04 (Yahoo! fantasy league) League ID#: 35672 Password: qwerty I'll give you until the 19th to sign up, although if there's not a lot of people, like last year, any Johnny-come-latelys are welcome. To avoid any draft problems like we usually have, it's going to be an offline draft, most likely with a bunch of us in chat on Friday night drafting picks. Or something to that extent. Now, who's in? -Z

Okay, enough 'ballpark' time and crap. Be in chat by 9pm EST to draft, which is a little more than two hours from now. If you aren't here, you aren't here, 'cause you suck. -Z

Ejiro Fasaki vs. "The Maori Badass" Va'aiga $10 on Ejiro. "The Sinner" John Duran vs. English Dragon $5 on both. I can't bet against my own JLers. Jay Dawg vs. The Boston Strangler $100 on TBS. Easy bet. "The Franchise" Mak Francis vs. "The Sacred One" Andrew Blackwell $30 on Muzz. Wildchild vs. Johhny "The Barracuda" Dangerous $25 on Dub Cee. "Deathwish" Danny Williams vs. "TNT" Taylor Nicholas Thompson $50 on Danny. Double Jeopardy vs Crow and Dante Crane $150 on Crow and Crane. Edwin MacPhisto vs. Nathaniel "Silent" Kibagami $100 on Kibs. Dace Night (representing "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens) vs. Bastion (representing the Hville Thugg) vs. Michael Craven (representing the Suicide King) $5 on Thugg. "THE SUPERIOR ONE" TOM FLESHER VS. "JUDGE MENTAL" WILLIAM HEARFORD $10 on Flesher. Well, that's everything. Man, if I lose, I lose big. -Z

Yeah, so, too many people were absent and we couldn't draft yesterday. I'm thinking either tonight or Friday between 6-10pm EST. I'd really like to not put off the draft any longer than Friday, so if you really can't make it for either days, just toss me a list of 25-40 players I can draft for you. I've worked out the draft order, btw, if anyone's curious... 1. Frost's Ice Picks 2. Vancover Siclens 3. Cellar Dweller Stars 4. Duran's Sinners 5. Mental's Marauders 6. Superstations 7. GLB 8. Rather Be Curling 9. Nanaimo Nouns I picked them out of a bin, before anyone asks. And I promise after we're done with the draft, I won't pollute these boards with hockey anymore. -Z

Or you could use Tom's old theme, "Ass & Titties" by DJ Assault. -Z

Alright, alright, so upon closer inspection, it had fucking Hoobastank. The key here, Outcast, is that all these bands suck regardless. -Z

I did, damnit. It had either Staind or Linkin Park--both are interchangable, as far as I'm concerned. To be serious, though, you're good at this kind of thing OC. Just as long as you don't try to wedge nu-metal lyrics into O Fortuna... -Z

FINALLY! So, after prodding him about a million times, Judge has gotten off his ass to join the league. That makes 9, pretty much everyone in the SWF who's interested in hockey, so now we can go ahead and set a draft date! Ideally, I'd like to do it tonight, if (mostly) everyone is free. Failing that, tomorrow or some other time this week is cool. Just as long as it's before the season starts on the 8th... -Z

Strangler, Janus is right there. I was really only posting this for a burn, but I guess I should request something... Well, how about all the gold hidden away in the Miyan/Aztec temples? That'll do nicely. I'm aware that this is a very dangerous quest, so I suggest you bring along Frost (as the gruff, wise-cracking love interest), Tom (as the intelligent yet greedy scholar who secretly desires all the gold for himself and doesn't like Frost), Dace (as the token foreign guy who says clever things before he gets killed) and Janus (for comic relief through always-amusing midget jokes). James Cameron and a well funded film crew would probably be useful, too. -Z

No it didn't; it had fucking Staind. -Z

Actually, since I suggested naming the awards in the first place, I was surprised you didn't ask everyone on CC to come up with names. And considering I've already submitted full nominations, dug up links, debated the final ballot and have still to make my own selections... what's one more thing to do? -Z

Short, if quite solid show all around. I haven't read it all, but Landon Maddix and Brian Bowers continue to impress me quite a lot. The JL's future is in good hands with guys like these in the midcard. Also, on the world title match... props to EngDrag on retaining his title, and also to IL for writing about as good as I've ever seen him. It hurt to give him the loss, as it was a reasonably close decision. Good matches from both sides, so if either of you have any questions, PM me, or ask me in here, or... something. Now, other people, say stuff! -Z

Notes from the head booker guy: 1) This should probably just be called "Countdown to Genesis," as the show that follows this up will be on a Thursday like regular Crimson, since doing Metal on the 30th would just be stupid. So it's a PPV, sorta. 2) The results of this will be posted on the WF board, BEFORE Genesis itself goes up. So yeah, that means NO EXTENSIONS. 3) Consider it a reward for showing us the JL is still very much alive the last two or three shows--or an apology for us continually getting cards/shows up a day late. Either or. 4) It's the "pre-game" show to the biggest PPV of the SWF year! So go all out and have fun, yo. -Z And also, congratulations to English Dragon on his m4d bumpage skeelz. You've earned it!

I know you IMed me and asked yesterday, King, but I don't think I'm going to have Alex appear on Genesis in any way, since that would destroy all the (non)hard work that's gone into no-selling him. However, I'd have no problem writing out Tale of the Tape for most, if not all of the matches, along with MOODY CREEPY WORDS OF FORSHADOWING and such, if that's cool. -Z

So, Thugg, when you inevitably get lung cancer from all the cigarettes Isabel is making you smoke, will you sue the National Weather Center? -Z

Well, I have to say, I'm happy you didn't just post the original first draft like you'd planned. Because hoooooooooooooooooly shit that sucked. Yeah, so a draft later and a few edits with my help, Happiness comes out like this. And it's worthy of another holy shit, but just for all the right reasons this time. Definitely the best promo you've written since Face to Face, and effectively tosses a gallon of rocket fuel on the MacPhisto/Kibagami fire. Yow. As mentioned, I think it would've worked even better as a descriptive opposed to a monologue, but c'est la vie. -Z

SJL Metal - September 17th! Due Date: Special Wednesday due date! Pete will have us back on the proper schedule for Wrath. All matches should be in by 8pm EST. Venue: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan! Send To: KIBAGAMI (This is a change!) OPENING PROMO: Though he himself has said it... and it's clearly to his credit... he is an Englishmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Sorry, I couldn't resist. On Crimson, English Dragon finally climbed to the top of the heap, beating Spike Jenkins for the SJL world title. He will not doubt have a lot to say about his victory, Jenkins himself, fellow Englishman and possible next contender, Aecas, and most importantly--the fact he must now forfeit the European title. CURTAIN JERKER Craig McLennan vs Daemon I'm not sure if Craig wrote for the last match, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He goes up against Daemon here, who lost his debut match against Brian Bowers. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 3000 Send To: Tod deKindes TELEVISION TITLE MATCH Brian Bowers vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© Landon Maddix's grip on the SJL Television title is downright SCARY. He's making a dedicated march at TNT's all-time longest reign, no matter what we throw at him. This time, he faces off against impressive newish guy Brian Bowers. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4000 Send To: realitycheck EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH BATTLE ROYALE Jimmy "The Demon" Liston vs Jay Morrison vs Todd Royal vs Brian Kingsman Speaking of titles hard to pry from people's grip, the European title is finally up for contention--but only after Dragon has been forced to vacate it. However, this opens a window of oppertunity for four men, looking to make the jump in their careers. Rules: Battle Royale. Which is to say, you're eliminated from the match when you're tossed over the TOP ROPE, and BOTH FEET touch the ground. And only in that case. Word Limit: 5000 Send To Longdogger_Pete MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP HIDE AND SEEK MATCH Aecas vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs "Insane Luchador" Andrew Rickmen Former world champion vs large, scary crazy man vs small, scary crazy vetran. In the JL, we don't believe in any of that "automantic rematch" stuff, so any additional shots at the world title must be earned. Even with his short title reign, Spike Jenkins is still looking to prove himself, and Aecas and the returning IL are looking for the title that has eluded them for so long. And their chance etch their names into history, once and for all, is hidden somewhere in the Joe Louis Arena! Rules: Somewhere in the arena is Ben Hardy, with the a contract to face English Dragon for the world title on Wrath. The first man to find him and sign the contract is the winner. There are NO rules otherwise. Of course, Ben may not have a pen on him, and since it IS Hardy, and this contract is open to whoever signs it, he may be forced to"lose" it... Word Limit: 5500 Send To: TheBostonStrangler

Well, if we're going to change topics... I never, ever, ever, ever want to face Frost or Danny again. I've faced them a combined 15 times, with two wins to show for it. Just... no. -Z

Hmm. Well, cheifly, I tagged with Edwin and Raynor once, immediately after I got bumped, but it would've been cool to tag with them at least once again. For the damndest reasons I can imagine, I never faced TNT or Annie in the WF. I imagine an Annie vs 'classic' Z match would've been... amusing. Oh, and although I faced Tom several times in the WF, I always did want a straight singles PPV match against him. There's like a 60% chance I actually would've shown! -Z

Alright. Since Pete can't make this show, I've decided to hand the book over to Kibagami for this Wrath, who is the current "longest serving marker who hasn't made a card" yet. Be worried, JL'ers. So let me put that in bold, SEND EVERYTHING TO KIBAGAMI, HE WILL BE POSTING THE SHOW AND MAKING THE CARD. PS: Sorry, Tod. You'll get another chance to book, I swear. -Z

Sigh. I booked Metal for Wednesday because Thoth didn't want to have a show on September 11th. Plus I posted Crimson a day late. This screwed up the schedule, so I had to give this show an extra day--if I didn't, everyone has three days to write. And I know that would result in a crappy show. -Z